How Many Partners Have You Had?
"How many partners have you had?" That was the question a close friend of mine was posed with recently. It came from a guy she'd been seeing for just two weeks.
I don't know about y'all, but that's a tad personal for someone you've only known for approximately 14 days. Sure, we all wonder on occasion, but there's a time and a place for such inquisitions—or are there?
I'm gonna go out on a ledge and reveal that the number of women I have been with is a whopping... none of ya damn business. My past is just that, my past. Unless you're my fiancée/wife, and my past relationships are somehow pertinent to the betterment of our marriage and our personal health, the number of partners I’ve had has no direct bearing on how I treat you. How I make you feel. Or how much you should love me. Sure, anything in the high double digits or, God-forbid, in the triple digits is treading on scandalous territory; but really, what good does that information do either of us—especially if the situation is only two weeks old?
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Don't ask me a question if you don't want the answer. See, people tend to ask personal questions like, "How many partners have you had?" But they don't really want the answer unless it's the one they want to hear. Upon hearing the shocking truth, most are so disturbed that they can't get it out of your head. More than likely, this revealed information that was specifically asked for will now be the cause for the demise of your relationship.
The real question(s) that people should be asking potential mates is how many times have you had unprotected sex? When was your last AIDS test? Have you ever had an STD? I think queries like that hold much more weight because it's not about the number of people someone has been with, it's how safe they've been while engaging in sexual activities with those people.
Besides, people often fudge the number of partners they've been with. I know plenty of women that "don't count" certain guys because it "only happened once" or "because it was wack." Even I have a few "possibles" in my little black book that I don't always count because either it was a strictly head situation or we started to engage in activities and for whatever reason she wanted to stop and I did. As much as I don't want to count them, I know that if my penis entered any or her many orifices then she should be counted. Maybe with an asterisks, but counted nonetheless. But when someone asks me how many women have I been with does she really wanna know that Jane from the book club gave me sloppy top one horny condom-less evening five years ago? Does she want to know about my pseudo-orgy from eight years ago that sounds worse than it actually is? I don't think so.
But what do y'all think? Is the number of partners someone had really that important? How many is too many? Does the acceptable number differ for guys and girls? And are there people from your sexual past that you just "don't count" for some reason?
Speak your piece....
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