Can Sex Ruin a Friendship?

Let’s face it; sex has a funny way of changing things. Two people that once were able to joke about anything and talk openly about everything under the sun can suddenly find themselves unable to regain that happy medium once they’ve shared themselves physically. I’m not saying that this happens every single time friends decide to bump uglies, but I have seen it happen a good majority of the time.

It’s like that one magical night(s) just erased the chemistry that previously existed between y’all. For instance, I’ve known females that suddenly got super sensitive regarding any joke I’ve made about them or how I play around with them following a sexual encounter. I’m not talking about anything mean or hurtful, just regular ol’ shits and giggles between friends. It’s like before we did the nasty she’d acknowledge the fact that I was only joking when I called her “big head” and would just laugh it off, but once the relationship turned physical everything changed. Instead of the usual boy-you-crazy look, I’d get hit with the how-could-you-be-so-mean ice grill. Somehow fornicating fucked up the friendly energy. How ironic.

On the flipside, there have been females that I was intimate with and our friendship remained unphased. Sex was just something that happened (whether or not it was a mistake is another story) and we were able to put the episode behind us. In some cases, these individuals managed to become some of my dearest and closest female friends, mainly because our sexual history never became an issue and our pre-sex vibe remained the same. Sadly, these instances are few and far between.

Maybe it’s just human nature to be territorial, but sex tends to breed jealousy. Even if a relationship is not what either party wants, there’s a special bond that forms when two people are intimate and sometimes it’s hard to see another person express interest in someone you’ve been physical with. Before all the bumpin’ and grindin’, you could give two shits about Johnny down the block pressin’ up on your homegirl Tanya. But let you and Tanya get your freak on, and ol’ John-John’s close proximity to your friend with benefits at the club suddenly makes you pissed. You said you didn’t want a relationship so it shouldn’t bother you, right? Wrong. Sex changes things and that’s why you feel a way about it now.

Now I’ll admit that I’ve had a fair share of situations where a female friend and I became intimate (I’ve been single for a good eight years; what do you expect, people?). Some never went further than that one time, while others may have become extended affairs. Either way, the vibe was never the same again. Although some did manage to return to normal, there are always those that were forever ruined by the act and caused me to lose someone that was once very close to me.

More than anything, sex just makes things awkward. Can everybody else tell what we did last night? How should we act when we’re around other people? What if s/he wants to do it again? How can I look him/her in the eye after they’ve seen me in all my glory? Why do I suddenly get angry when s/he flirts with someone else? See, it’s not the sex that makes things awkward (hopefully), it’s all the things that you never thought about before that really cause the problem.

Prior to having the sex, y’all hung out with no regard for how people perceived your interaction or being sensitive to jokes between friends, but now your brains are on overdrive and nothing else can get through but the fact that y’all have had S-E-X and neither of you know what to do about it. If this awkwardness continues, it can spell doom for your once plutonic relationship. Because if you don’t deal with the elephant in the room, it may eventually back that ass up and take a dump all over the both of you.

Okay, I feel like I may have rambled all over the place with this one, but I hope y’all got what I was trying to say: Do you think that sex can ruin a friendship? If so, what can you do to rectify it? Do you think that once two friends have had sex it’s pretty much a wrap for the friendship? Lastly, if a simple thing like sex can tear two people apart, were they ever really friends to begin with?

Speak your piece…

About NWSO

NWSO is the brains behind the award-winning site, Naked With Socks On [NWSO.net]. Prior to launching the site in 2008, he spent a decade as a professional journalist penning feature articles for numerous mainstream publications and websites and editor at such notable magazines as The Source, XXL and The Ave. Based on his professional background and personal relationship experiences, NWSO is able to provide fair and honest perspective on the interactions between men and women, as well as the world as a whole. Thousands of readers log on daily to discuss everything from sex and relationships to music and entertainment to current events and hot topics, as well as the site's weekly erotica series Wet Wednesdays, which was dubbed “Best Blog Series” in the 2009 Black Weblog Awards. As for the name, Naked With Socks On is symbolic of how NWSO writes: He reveals everything while still leaving something to the imagination. “Like” the NWSO FaceBook Fan Page Follow NWSO’s rants on Twitter @NakedWithSocks Ask NWSO anything on FormSpring