I Like You…And You…And You…

The other day my homegirl Tanisha hit me on IM to spill the beans about her current guy troubles. She's single, attractive, has no kids and for the past few months she's been seeing two guys. One a month or two longer than the other, but she likes them both for different reasons. Sex hasn't occurred between either yet, but Tanisha says they both could get it if they play their cards right. She's a woman of morals and standards, though, and doesn't want to have sex with more than one person at a time, so she's holding out 'til she decides what, or who, to do.

As Tanisha was telling me her story, I got a sense that she liked Guy A more than Guy B. There was just something about the way she spoke (well, wrote) about him and how she explained their interaction. In short, I told her, “I like Guy A for you.” Tanisha has kinda come to the same realization, but doesn't know what to do about Guy B because she likes him too, it's just she's feeling Guy A a little bit more. It's not that she doesn't like Guy B or isn't attracted to him, there just appears to be a bigger connection—mentally and physically—brewing with Guy A.

Since Tanisha has no commitment from either guy, they have an understanding that she's free to see whoever she wants, but neither guy knows about each other. Still, it sounds like Tanisha is ready to break bed, I mean bread, with Guy A. Faced with the prospect of beginning the tricky extraction process from Guy B, Tanisha sought my counsel. She asked, "Is it ever cool to like more than one person?"

My answer was yes, but there has to be some key ground rules that have to be in place. And they go as follows:

1) KEEP SEX TO A MINIMUM
If you're going to date more than one person, it's probably best to not engage in sexual activities with anyone unless you're absolutely sure about them. You don't want to get caught out there boning one person when you actually wanna hit off the next person. That'll put too many emotions into the mix and only make the situation even more complicated. If you do choose to get some sexual healing, pick one person and stick it out. If you wind up sexing someone else, you’ll be at a moral crossroads where you have to decide who you really want to be with or things could get sticky real quickly. Now, if you’re the kinda person that doesn't mind sleeping around in 2008 (almost 2009) and likes leaving yourself susceptible to STDs, then do you and bone as many people as you like. Just be sure to protect yourself at all times.

2) ESTABLISH YOUR PRIORITY
Whether or not you decide to have sex with one of the people you're seeing, someone usually winds up being your priority. That's the person you decide (consciously or subconsciously) to give most of your free time to. That's the one you'll cancel previous plans for, talk to the most, ask advice from and probably wind up having sex with. Half the time you don't even realize this person is your priority, but one day you just have that moment of clarity where you say, "Oh, snap, I'm really feeling this person." Once you come to this realization, it's time to make some decisions.

3) CLEARING YOUR PLATE
If you're really feeling someone, there are only two things you can do: A) Run away with your tail between your legs because you're too scared to commit B) Actually try to build something with this person. If you opt for the latter, you'll wind up in a position like Tanisha and have to slowly start clearing your plate of all the extra people in your dating circle. This, of course, should be done with tact, especially when the person you’re deading is someone you've spent a good amount of time with emotionally or physically. If you're serious about building something with someone other than that person, you should try to make that clear to everyone involved as soon as possible. There’s no point dragging out the inevitable, because it only gets harder the longer things go on. This means extracting grey areas from your circle. That could be either through a real conversation with your former datees or slowly making yourself less available. Whatever the case, be respectful of other people's feelings and prudent in your handling of the situation.

In a nutshell, that was my advice to Tanisha. What do y'all think? Was I on point or is there a better way for Tanisha, or anyone in a similar scenario, to handle the situation?

Speak your piece....