Should Women Carry Condoms?

0 Posted by - October 30, 2008 - Relationships, Love & Marriage


During a friend’s dinner party the other night a heated battle of the sexes began on the subject of females carrying condoms. Not sure how the conversation started but the sticking point was whether or not a female with a stash of prophylactics was a loose or just being safe.

My homegirl Tasha was at the center of the debate, holding it down for the females. She argued that just because she cares about her own health and doesn’t want to rely solely on a man to bring protection she shouldn’t be labeled a “slut.” In her defense, it is almost 2009 and AIDS, as well as many other STDs, is still a major problem in our community. With that in mind, Tasha makes it a point to keep some condoms handy at the crib just in case something jumps off with a male companion. Although I don’t expect a female to have a bag of Jimmy’s on stand by, I can understand Tasha’s logic and would greatly appreciate her and her stash if I were caught condom-less when something was about to go down.

My boy Mark, however, viewed things completely different. Mark felt that if he was at a girl’s crib for the first time and she had a whole bunch of condoms in her nightstand, he’d look at her suspect. “That means you’re fucking a lot, and I just happened to be the one to get it tonight,” he argued.

That of course, threw Tasha into a fit. She countered, “So, Mark, are you a hoe for carrying condoms?”

“Nah, I’m a guy.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I wear condoms, you don’t. So why should you have them?”

“Because I want to be safe and protect myself.”

“I hear you, but I don’t know, that still sounds a little loose to me.”

“Oh, so I’m loose now.”

“Nah, nah, I’m just saying…”


As this back and forth went on, more folks chimed in. I, of course, had my own thoughts on the subject and as with anything, I think everything depended on the scenario and circumstances. As I stated early, I come from a school of thought where it’s a man’s responsibility to carry/have protection. Just like Mark said, we wear them so we’re expected to have them. Now, does that mean I feel a woman shouldn’t have her own supply? Of course not, it just all depends on the situation.

If a female and I have been intimate already and I happen to be at her house without being strapped, I’d gladly appreciate it if she had a spare condom or two on hand for me. The key word(s), though is one or two. Now if a chick busts out with a Glad bag full of prophylactics in different shapes, sizes, styles, colors, flavors, and brands like she has stock in a rubber company, I’m gonna look at her a little funny. Yeah, she’s protected and offering variety for her partner, but sometimes too much can be, well, too much.

In such a scenario I probably would be inclined to agree with Mark’s thinking and assume this chick gets down pretty regularly and I’m just the lucky winner that particular night. The same might happen if I’m out with a girl out and a condom just happens to fall out her purse. I’d be like, “How often are you caught out there where you need to carry a condom with you?” Because truth be told, I only carry condoms when I’m scheming on some booty. Other than that, I leave my stash at home where the action is more likely to be going down anyway. At the end of the day, a man or a woman doesn’t carry/have condoms unless they are having or plan on having sex. So if a female has a large stash of condoms I’m gonna think one or the other. Whether or not that’s a good thing depends on the situation.

Just to clarify, I’m not saying women shouldn’t have condoms because I feel like every grown woman that’s sexually active and dating regularly probably has at least a box of Jimmy’s somewhere in her crib. Maybe she got it for free at a party, or she keeps it on stash in case of emergencies. Besides, women know better than us when they’re going to have sex because they’re the ones that decide anyway. So if a female knows in advance that when she invited me to her house for dinner that she’s gonna give me some if I play mycards right; why wouldn’t she pick up a box of condoms in case I wasn’t carrying? If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t look at a woman sideways.

While I can understand a woman scheming on some new dick not knowing what brand, style or size he is copping an extra box or two for variety, it’s all about appearances. If she pulls open a drawer and it’s filled to the brim with rubbers and lubricants, I might be inclined to question your lifestyle just a little bit. There’s nothing wrong with a woman protecting herself, it’s just a matter of not ODing because at the end of the day I’d much rather be protected than infected.

Where do you guys stand on this issue? Should women carry condoms and keep some on stash in their cribs? Is it solely a man’s responsibility to carry them? Fellas, what do you think when a girl pulls out her own supply of condoms? Ladies, has a guy ever questioned your past because you had condoms?

Speak your piece….

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    Please direct all hate mail to “Mark” as he is the one with the major aversion to a woman with condoms. Although I agree with some of what he says in terms of the quantity I have no problem with a woman having a condom for US to enjoy. As my main point was how I ended the piece, I’d rather be protected than infected.. Real talk…

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    SB,

    Nah, never touched on this before. No idea is original, though. Maybe Belle did on her blog a while back, don’t know or recall though. Just dinner party on Saturday with Mark going in on Tasha sparked the idea.

    Zilla & Hannah,

    Again, I don’t agree with Mark’s blanketing of one rubber = loose. That’s his opinion or my interpretation of what he said that night.

    My take on it, and what I tried to convey and actually said was “Just to clarify, I’m not saying women shouldn’t have condoms because I feel like every grown woman that’s sexually active and dating regularly probably has at least a box of Jimmy’s somewhere in her crib.”

    And I said this: “So if a female knows in advance that when she invited me to her house for dinner that she’s gonna give me some if I play my cards right; why wouldn’t she pick up a box of condoms in case I wasn’t carrying? If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t look at a woman sideways.”

    But I also said I would take a double take if a woman had more condoms than me. If we’re at the point where we need condoms I doubt that stash will deter me, but I still MAY have a thought just because of the sheer number. But like folks are saying, even if she is getting down or got down with a few folks, thank God she’s protecting herself.

  • Anonymous

    Pardon my French, but so what if a woman loves to fuck and does it a lot and just happens to want to protect herself when she has sex? What’s so wrong with that? Us men do it all the time and we’re considered studs and playas. A single woman has just as much right to enjoy as many bed buddies as a single man does. It’s totally up to her. And I see nothing wrong with her keeping a stash, be it one box, a drawer full, or suitcase full. That’s her call. As long as she’s protecting herself during intercourse, that’s all that should matter. Fellow homies, get with the program and quit all the double standards.

  • Meeks

    Condom-carrying chicks are a good look. Hey, I carry at least once condom in my purse because my boyfriend always forgets to restock!

  • dom

    I agree with Anonymous. If you have to question my past and wonder who/where/what/how many then maybe we shouldnt be dipping in the first place?

    Now personally, I keep my own supply and will carry my stash with me if I plan on engaging in extra-curricular activities. I am allergic to latex, so its a MUST that I have my own. Any dude who’s got a problem with that can feel free to keep it moving.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06439928509202777078 The Cocoa Luv Chronicles

    I cannot stand the double standard btwn men and women. unfortunately there are A LOT of single women out there and we play the field, but to be labeled anything less than being a woman is ridiculous on too many accounts. I have a goodie bag in my nightstand drawer and not because I buy condoms, I just happen to get them for free. If I see free condoms I take them. In this day and age if a woman is not protected she is a fool. You can’t always trust the condom that a dude provides because believe it or not, men try to trap women also. I’d rather keep my NEGATIVE status at NEGATIVE. Call it what you want.

    yea a long comment, but i haven’t had my tea yet so I got riled up at the subject matter lol.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17332350101985226312 Professor Ice

    I’m glad Mark had no interested in fucking Tasha (or maybe he did) but all bets would have been immediately OFF having heard the ridiculousness coming out of his mouth.

    I’m not going to even get into the quantity but let’s talk about the principle. As you pointed out, fellas, in case YOU hadn’t noticed it’s 2009. Gone are the days where the women sit aside as the damsel in distress and relay on a man for every damn thing. Though it is true that you do wear the condom, at the end of the day condoms are for the both of us and lets be serious…me having a condom isn’t the same as a man carrying around some birth control pills or a stash of the morning after pill…(see what I’m sayin?)

    AND, another thing, before we even get to wether or not I have a condom stash, wouldn’t some flags go up, if you’re a man who thinks this way, based on the fact that a woman is so eager to fuck you on the first night? Or the fucking on the first night is all good and dandy just as long as she’s not prepared to protect both yours and her future by having a condom on hand??? (mmmmhhhmm..yeah, take a minute to ponder on that one)

    At the end of the day, I’m a grown ass woman and if I feel the need to do so, I will take the necessary steps to make sure I put myself in the position to always be protected if, and when, I do choose to get it in…

    I have so many more words for Mr. Mark and other men who think like him but….I’ll save it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02145388564928630425 Paul Cantor

    if she has condoms readily available, that’s dope. That could mean, among other things, that she’s apt to get busy. And what’s what I want, right? I mean, I really don’t care what you do or how and when you do it. I just care about the moments we’re spending together.

  • R. H.

    Good subject. I don’t understand why it matters so much. When I was in high school I had a whole bag of condoms and that was because people were giving it out like candy. I ended up donating them to my cousins before they expired.

    Anyway, since then I admit I don’t walk around with protection. I never bought a condom, but I have no problem walking out of your bedroom if you did not have one.

    So to the fellas, the question I ask is what would you prefer, a girl with a condom or no action at all?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00172716674227088713 zILLa

    I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. In NYC, 1 in 4 people have some kind of STD, correct?! 1 in 4!!! So in other words, by this post’s standards, women are labeled as whores because they don’t want to get a disease? Puh-lease. It’s bad enough that women STILL can’t fully express their natural sexual attitudes without being judged- now we’re judged by being SMART about it when we do partake?

    NWSO: I generally agree with your opinions, but judging a chick because she’s prepared to protect herself is BS. I thought you were more PROGRESSIVE than that… Whether she has 1 emergency condom, or a million, it’s better than having nothing (and see “Prince Charming” turn into an in-the-moment-savage and suggest NOT using one, because that’s not hot in the streets). Although I do see your point about an extensive goodie drawer being intimidating, you’ve already chosen to lay with her by that point, so maybe we should be questioning your judgement?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10569579646642589612 Southpeezy

    women who have condoms are cool with me. that’s a good look. the only time ive been apprehensive about it is if we weren’t on the same page relationship or non-relationship wise…

    but yeah, women with condoms are cool with me. at least you know (or strongly think) that if they are getting down with other cats that they aint rawdogging and putting you at risk. getting mad at them for fucking period is another story and issue that that individual needs to deal with themselves.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10569579646642589612 Southpeezy

    oh yeah..on the flipside of that…i mean, everytime i go to a chick house or get up with them…i dont have intentions/plans of fucking everytime i see them. and ive never been a random fucker anyway, so i dont just be carrying condoms all the damn time. so shied, sometimes i be worried that if i do show up to a chick house and pull a condom out later that night for whatever reason, they gonna be looking at me like “oh, so you just knew you was getting some ass tonight?”

    that said, shied, the dresser drawer just might be the place to keep condoms, for both male and females. at least then they just there just in case. its kinda like having something to eat in the fridge, if someone hungry at your house, they gonna get mad if you have nothing to eat, but if you at least got some peanut butter and bread, how they gonna be mad?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17011853565803038657 Scourned Woman

    Bottom line is, if both of us are getting busy, both of us should have protection.

  • Steven

    If a chick has her own stash of rubbers no big deal. A woman with her own “major” stash doesn’t mean she’s boning a lot of dudes. Could mean that one dude is getting it on the regular.

    Now, if I was in Brazil and met a chick who kept singing “Beautiful” in my ear….

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02003885645631853183 njeanty

    I appreciate this post. It’s honest. I do a lot work around HIV and my biggest push is it’s not anyone’s responsibility but your own to protect yourself. There is obviously a ridiculously archaic double standard going on: it’s okay for a dude to get down, but a woman should keep it on lock. But what’s worse in this case is it seems that if a woman does get down she should keep a secret; play with a brotha’s mind to make him feel like he’s the only one. I’ll say it again. Ridiculous.

  • sb

    why do i feel like i’ve read this before…how u touched on this topic before NWSO?

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com/ Hannah

    it’s good to see that most of your readers think that Mr. Mark is wrong. I agree with Zilla about thinking you were more progressive.

    My bad.

    After all, I would hope that an educated woman would be educated about EVERYTHING. Sex and reproductive health should be no exception. You would think a man would find a woman who wasn’t easily swayed out protecting herself sexy. A stash of condoms and knowing how to use them means a good time for both parties.

    I ranted a little more about this on my blog. Sent you the link.

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com/ Hannah

    that’s exactly what I don’t think is progressive. Who cares how many UNUSED condoms a woman has in her stash or if she has a variety? Men don’t always think about women’s comfort when purchasing rubbers. You may put it on, but we both end up wearing it. I personally don’t buy my condoms in the drugstore 12 pack, but a la carte at Babeland. It’s cheaper cause I don’t have to buy 12 and I get to choose brand, material etc.

    Does it mean that I’m giving the pussy away like it’s Xmas? No. And if I was, my present would come well wrapped.

    More than one or two condoms in the arsenal is cause for concern? Insert massive eyeroll, aqui. What happens if you want to go more than one or two times in one sitting and you forgot to pack yours? Spontaneous much? It’s good to be prepared. You know you’d be glad Miss Lady had it covered.

    So her stash won’t deter you in the moment, but in the back of your mind a red flag goes up?

    *shakes head*

    My little box of prophylatics is full because it always gets hit by friends or roommates who know I keep it stocked. Other people go through my condoms far more than I do.

  • fayemi

    Real talk…no dude wants to think of a woman he really likes as one who gets around. The only ones who don’t care are the ones who are just in it for sex. For a man whose actually looking for wifey, I can see how that man might look a little deeper. Sure, I think it’s a very outdated mindset but some men are more conservative than others and like that in a woman. I’m not saying a woman should hide the fact that she has condoms. I’m just saying I would never keep a big ass jumbo box of condoms lying around for some man to see. How often I get it in is my business and I’m not trying to broadcast it. A little modesty goes a long way. Ladies, just keep one here, one there. You know, keep it discreet like a lady should. Two by the bedside is cool. If you use ‘em up, I’d play like, oh wow, let me see if I can find some…knowing damn well I got a box of 36 in my linen closet.

  • hope2Star

    Amen Hannah!!!! Some men are so backwards LOL! I just bought a whole bucnch of condoms for my Halloween costume (i’m going as Left Eye) I wonder if guys will be think I’m loose come November 1st HUGE EYE ROLL!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00172716674227088713 zILLa

    Hannah’s the truth.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16311383160115646887 Jomo

    I had to laugh at the beginning and then read the tone of responses and was sombered then laughed again (thanks fayemi) cause it was got.

    On the real if a dude is getting down and bout to get some (even on the first jumpoff) he ain’t thinking really about why the lady’s got so many condoms UNLESS he’s on some wifey and then STILL. Condoms and tampons hand in hand men and women boys and girls all need to know about life.

    p
    funny my word verification says cocies (made me think of cooties) that too stay protected. 1 in 4

  • Jabberwocky

    Im with Hanna. Im a dude. This looks mad double-standard, fellas. So we can carry mad condoms because we used them…but women cant? Furthermore, so what if shes bonin’? You are too, no?

    Im with Hannah. Equality is a mug for some guys still…

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com/ Hannah

    @fayemi

    How long are we supposed to keep up the pretense that we’re pristine? I think the idea that I have to act like I’m a virgin is so archaic. I’m not saying I don’t have the quick stash in one place and the larger stash in another, but that’s just a matter of convenience rather taking the consideration of some dude’s fragile ego.

    Seriously, if a guy can’t handle the fact that I’m a sexual being just like he is, we shouldn’t be playing belly rub.

    @jomo
    My word verification said “maked it” which for some reason was funny to me. As for 1 in 4, with those odds, people should start fucking through Hazmat suits or full body condoms like in Naked Gun. Everyone should get tested on a regular.

  • fayemi

    response to hannah. I feel you and agree. I’m not suggesting we act “pristine”, personally I just prefer being discreet. When it comes to dating and relationships, most people are constantly making silly mental notes that mean nothing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06874603132114484836 Biba the Diva

    I’m way behind on this one… but, I keep at least three on me. In my wallet. I got them for free and I was grateful. I haven’t had sex in almost a year, but when I decide to… I will always be ready.

    If you are grown, and you are fucking… male or female. You need to keep a condom on you. The fact that there this was even up for discussion is sad. Don’t matter how many a woman has, be glad, that means she respects herself, her body, and her partner(s) enough to be protected.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14495364587650946011 VOD

    Double standards be damned. Good to see some progressive-thinking folks on here when it comes to matters of the heart and genitals. *wink*

  • anonymous

    Now, I have been out of the loop of dating men for a few years, but I am a woman who cares about her health and the health of her potential partner. My last long term relationship was with a woman over a year ago. Since then I have dated men, but I also make sure to keep myself protected in the event that they are not ready.
    Us women know of plenty of occasions where men have come unprepapred.
    I dont buy condoms, as many of the other women said. I get them for free. Because I care about my health, I go for HIV/AIDS testing and STD health checks once a year to make sure everything is gravy in my direction. And when u get tested….they practically give u a goodie bag of condoms. I got a bag FULL of condoms, both male and female condoms, lube, dental dam….all the shit to make sure aint no babies or diseases in my future forecast, YA DIG??
    The same nuccas that get pissed about a female havin condoms in their room are the same ones who forget theirs..cuz if a female aint have to go in her stash in the first place, a man wouldnt even know what she had.

  • anonymous

    Big up NWSO – always guaranteed a good discussion! So what if a woman has a stash of rubbers!? In this day and age, we must protect ourselves. It’s too easy to get into something hot and heavy with your man and go the unprotected route when he gives you the “I’ll pull out baby” chat or “we won’t go for long”. There’s no shame in my game and I for one make sure that I have a supply of my own. It doesn’t make me slack as I certainly don’t sleep around, but when I know that the potential for a shag is on the cards I want both myself and my man to enjoy the experience and for both of us to be protected.

  • Fly Kye

    Mark is insecure. If a woman is sexually active and has tools to accommodate such, it does not indicate when the tools were last used or how frequently she has to replenish the stock. What Mark should be concerned with is the fact that she cares enough about her body to protect it for herself and whomever she decides to share it with, luckily him. And if Mark brings his ‘A Game’, assuming he has one, perhaps he can help her put a dent in her stock of tools. But until Mark knows that he is secure in what he brings to the situation, he will continue to find any excuse to demean the woman in order to convince himself that he’s good. Mark, if you’re reading this, not everyone is going to like you or how you put it down. Just do some crunches, focus on rockin’ worlds versus getting off, and hopefully you will be blessed with sensual loving for life.

  • ms lady

    Ladies its 09 these men are’t always looking out for our best interest and if u dont look out for yourself who will ? Honestly its alot of men who dont carry condoms everywhere they go for the most part it could be because there married r in a relationship and that would look to suspect to thier spouses. So they rely on females to provide protection.

  • Anonymous

    These morons you’ve befriended need to grow up. Yes, a guy can jump to conclusions if a lady has a condom, but that is immature and unrealistic. Guys carry condoms with hope they will get to use it before it expires. How can we realistically assume that women don’t hope for a little action and prepare for it? The problem is stereotypes and the solution is for ladies to care more about their bodies than they do about being judged.

  • Anonymous

    I think sex has become too casal. Call me old fashion but I don’t see why a women needs to carry a condem. If the man doesn’t have one then don’t have sex. If you want to have sex go to the store. I guess my point is that prehaps sex is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Actually I don’t think it is just a lady thing, guys don’t need to carry them around unless it is discussed in advance. Having a “just in case condem” looks equally bad. You don’t know what type of situation you might be getting into. Honestly if going to the store makes you change your mind about having sex then you shouldn’t be having it in the first place.

  • Alexis

    i would say no. that’s just porn carrying them things.

  • da ThRONe

    This is such an obvious “Y E S”! If lady can carry mace in her purse she can and should carry condoms. Weither she’s single or in a relationship. Carrying condoms dont say “Hey im a hooker” instead it says “Hey Im always prepared for whatever”.

    Seriously how immature are we where we think that carrying condoms is a license to sex?(I wish it was that easy LOL)

  • moonstarz

    If a woman has condoms on hand at least she’s probably using them. A woman could not have any condoms and still be sexing all over the place, without them.

    Who would you prefer to sleep with?

    Just because you have condoms doesn’t mean they are having sex oh so frequently and just because someone doesn’t have condoms doesn’t mean they aren’t having sex oh so frequently.

    Those STI stats point directly to the latter.

    I really don’t have a need to carry condoms in my purse but I have a box at home. It came in handy when the guy I’m seeing was coming to my house straight from work on a whim and didn’t have any on hand.

  • single23

    hmmm… one word…college. Every time my sorority gives a forum on safe sex, or free testing we always end up with all these condoms left over (people don’t take them, how irresponsible). So usually my sorors and I divide up the rest, they won’t do any good in storage. So at one time I had a big vase full of condoms. there were all kinds, flavored, colors. Can you believe they even give out glow in the dark ones when you get tested? I know right. But when ever I would have company over, they would always mention the vase, “wow, you have a lot of condoms.” And it would be funny, because I know exactly what they would be thinking, but when it comes down to it, its none of their business, so I wouldn’t care. But I would say “yes, you know have to practice safe sex and all. You need some?” lol

  • t boy

    i think you all make sense , but the fact is that we all need to protect ourself , if a woman or man as condom is not a crime , what we need to use is condom that is all