Could You Date an Amputee?

0 Posted by - November 21, 2008 - Dear NWSO, Relationships, Love & Marriage


My homegirl Tasha constantly finds herself in the craziest situations. I’ve heard a lot of stories from her but this one might just take the cake. It all started with a simple IM message that began with a simple question:
“Why me?”

“Oh, boy, what now?”

“So I had a date with a really nice guy I met last week. He gave me his government name and everything.”

“Lol @ he gave you his government name. Shouldn’t every guy give you his full name?”

“Lol. True. But here’s the thing, when I got home I Googled him and you’ll never guess what I found.”

“Uhm, jail? Stripper? Married?”

“No.”

“Okay, I give up.”

“He’s an amputee.”

“Lol. Only you.”

“Ans, I’m serious.”

“You sure it was him and not just a guy with same name?”

“Nah, everything matched up. School, job, etc.”

“Oh, aiight.”

“Why does stuff like this only happen to me? I have to know if it’s true.”

“Definitely, but don’t ask him cause he’ll know you were being nosy. Plus, if it is true he’s probably sensitive about it.”

“So what should I do?”

“You got two options: 1) If you don’t think you can deal with it, just make yourself less available and he’ll eventually get that you’re not interested. 2) If you like him, just wait for him to tell you and take it from there. But I say don’t just assume this is true just because you read it on the Internet. And if he was a perfect gentleman and you actually were feeling him you should at least give him a fair shot.”

“But he’s missing a leg, Ans.”

“Yeah, I know but I’m just saying. Did you even notice?”

“No.”

“So see you wouldn’t have even known he was missing a leg if you weren’t snoopin’ on the Internet. If it wasn’t for that you would’ve been like, Oooh, I got a winner. Lol.”

“Lol. Yeah, but I have to know.”

“Okay, well keep me posted and you know I have to blog about this right?”

“Oh, Lord.”

“Lol.”


Fast-forward a few days, and Tasha informed me that homie fessed up about his missing limb. Apparently he was involved in a serious car accident a couple years back and the lower part of his right leg was so badly damaged that it had to be removed. I won’t go any further into Tasha’s situation since it’s still in progress but I thought this was an interesting topic of discussion.

Personally, I don’t know if I could deal with someone with a physical handicap. Being cross-eyed is one thing, but a missing leg or being in a wheelchair might just freak me out. Of course if it was my wife and she was severely injured I’d be there for her, but some random person I just met? I dunno.

What would you guys do if you were in Tasha’s situation? If you really liked the person, would you try and see where the relationship could go? Would the missing leg just be too much for you to deal with in a relationship? What if you were in a relationship with someone already and then they got injured, could you stick it out? How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you were missing a limb and someone you liked balked when they found out about your injury?

Speak your piece.

**VIDEO BONUS**
Who remembers this scene from I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, where shorty popped off her leg, among other things? Start watching from about the 2-minute mark.

  • T. Allen-Mercado

    I’ve quickly developed an unhealthy relationship with your blog. At 35 I could certainly date an amputee. I don’t know if I could have said the same thing until about age 26; it was an enlightening year.

    You mention crossed eyes-now that is a point to ponder as my jealous nature would have issue with the lack of sustainable eye contact.

    Good luck Tasha.

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    WHat?!?! He used to hide her leg?

    That’s all kinda wrong…

  • Ayanna

    I actually had a huge crush on this guy in college who had only 1 leg. He just seemed so nice… so I was excited when I finally had a conversation with him- ugh, the convo was such a turnoff. He was nice, but lacked ambition in a major way. I can’t take laziness!

  • Ayanna

    I agree with Charlie Biz… I know I’m in love when I know I’d still be honored to be with them even if they lost a limb.

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    Well, Tasha’s situation is still in progress and I try my best not to go into vivid detail regarding things that are still open-ended—especially stories that are not my own. Just how I chose to respect people’s privacy.

    But she has been/is reading and found it all quite amusing. If anything develops further and she’s cool with me sharing I will do so. Aside from that, thanx for contributing to the discussion(s).

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    My friend’s cousin was married to a paraplegic back in the ’90s. They could come to my friend’s house parties, him in his wheelchair. She would lift homeboy out of his chair, prop him up against a free wall, and they would spend the entire night grinding the hell out of each other. The scene always fascinated me. And I would often ask myself what would I do in that situation.

    Then, while working at a department store, I met this guy working there that had no arms. Yes, he had shoulders, a torso, legs, every other body part, but he was missing both arms. He did everything with his feet, even eat. And guess what he was at the store? A security guard. It was quite the scene to watch him run after people who tried to rob the store.

    And he was quite the playboy. He pursued every woman that worked in that store. So one day homeboy asked me for my number, which I gave to him. After talking to him I found out he was quite intelligent and lots of fun to talk to. But when he asked me out, I said no. He was a bit too sweet-talking for my taste, too much of a playa. And he wasn’t my type. But truth be told, I have to admit that his lack of arms had a lot to do with my decision not to go out with him.

    Today, I think I would stay in it for the long run with the guy in the wheelchair. But as for the guy with no arms, it would depend on whether we were already in a relationship or not. If it was some random guy trying to get with me, I would still say no. If we were in a relationship and I had feelings for this person, I would stick it out.

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com/ Hannah

    I’m gonna plead the fifth on this one for a number of reasons. All of which I will keep to myself.

    I will say, in college, I had a male friend who was always getting into sexual situations with the physically challenged. At the time, it looked like he just accidentally happened to find the girl with one arm or one leg, the little person etc in the club, but in retrospect, I think dude had a fetish. They were all hot though and he said that sex with the one legged girl was crazy, off the meter hot.

    Yay for him for not being shallow. The physically challenged have the right to get their freak on too. I have to say, being in the club with him was never boring. The stories, man. The stories. Brother was Dave Chappelle sketch comedy waiting to happen.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10569579646642589612 Southpeezy

    damn, folks go home and google their dates now? shows how out of touch i am on the scene.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06439928509202777078 The Cocoa Luv Chronicles

    Ummm I am firing you for posting that scene lol. That is the funniest part in that movie. I can’t really say whether or not I would date an amputee because I don’t know any. It would require a lot of patience. I guess it would be a one up since all I meet are brain amputees.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06439928509202777078 The Cocoa Luv Chronicles

    Oh yea, that rib killed me.

  • http://www.themamaspot.com/ VCSMama

    Uh…no brainer for me. Yes, I would. As long as he could deal with my challenges…like keeping the house clean, keeping my nail polish fresh, etc. And, besides, I’ve dated men with issues that *really* matter like, fear of intimacy, fear of a job, etc. If the right man stepped into my life, I would be down, period.

    One other thought, I’m not sure every physical challenge is something I would have to *deal* with. Parapalegic is one thing. Sure, there must be some major adjustments necessary there. But, in your friend’s case, you’re talking about someone who is likely fully capable of doing dang near everything he could before his accident. So, the handicap really may just be how we perceive the physical difference rather than any real difference in how we would physically relate to the other person, which is the point you made to your friend. Um…I think I’m babbling. I’m out!

  • Angela C.

    Paul McCartney did it! His recent ex-wife had only one leg because of a bad motorcycle accident..supposedly in the divorce documents she claims Paul would hide her leg from her and all other types of abuse!! LOL..

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11584937724422738834 eblu

    LOL @ fear of job. That’s just plain ole laziness.

    As far as dating someone that is missing a limb. I don’t know anyone that isn’t all there literally, but I would have to size them up first before I made a decision. I can’t just make a blanket statement that because you are missing an arm and a leg that I don’t want to have anything to do with you. Is that fair?

    I know, people have their lists of what they want and don’t want in a mate. I bet none of them say anything about having all your limbs. I am trying to look past a lot of things to get to know a person. Life is like a box of chocolates….

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16587741755923221587 NaturallyAlise

    I actually did date someone for a short time with one leg, he was nice, and after the first few dates I didn’t even think about it anymore, and that was quite a feat (no homonym pun intended)considering how shallow I was at the time. Ultimately he had other flaws that ended the courtship, but it really wasn’t a big deal after the initial shock….

  • Charlie Biz

    i might be a little weird about this, but i swear i always ask myself that when i am in a relationship. i always wonder what i would do if the person i was dealing with got injured, or how they would react to me. u know, if ur about 6 months strong in the relationship. then i shrug it off and think positive!! glad u spoke on it though.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01092645607527251858 Tgodslittlesister

    T.Allen…ur a mess. The cross-eyed comment had me rolling. Oh and for the record, I had a man lie to me for a year about his marital status so not only do I google, but I check the court dockets. I have to protect myself. Its not about being nozy NWSO, its how u become a safe women. If extra stuff falls off the truck, then so be it. Oh and for the record as long as he can pick me up and the amputated limb is not between his legs, I am pretty happy. Oh I am just refering to the physical, not emotional.

  • anonymous

    wow all these posts and yet we still need to know what happened with your friend? Is she still with him? I hope she is reading to know that anything can happen to anyone. sometimes we wait for the perfect man and he never comes, or maybe he did and we passed him over because of his missing body part.
    Yes its a big deal but no its not because love is blind. i am jumping to gun so please hit us with a part 2. I’m curious about what tasha ends up doing,

  • fayemi

    Damn, apparently you all are way better human beings than me in this regard and I’m a tad superficial. Nah, I wouldn’t be able to do it, straight up. Sue me. A brother needs to have all his limbs in tact for me to be attracted to him. Now if I was already in a relationship with someone that’s different. Just being honest.

  • anonymous

    i met someone who only has one leg when he told me i really didn’t feel no different about him,we’re just friends not because of his leg he lives in another state with his baby mom and two kids

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14023590456017052580 swisswuff

    I am interested to read your comments. I am missing a hand but obviously not a brain, heart or anything else. Yet it seems to be a big issue. Other people lack ideas and imagination – hell, could you date one of these?

  • mr.fixit

    I am missing a leg. I was in an accident it was actually a sporting injury. It hasn’t interfered at all with my swag. I am successful, educated, and above all else happy. Accidents happen, real talk. I just hope that others have the strength and ability to deal with obstacles when or if they come. At the end of the day there is basically nothing that I can’t do. We all need to have that mindset. I’d rather be missing a leg then be missing heart, and i’d damn sure rather be missing a leg than broke, uneducated, and shallow.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    Hey Anonymous,

    Main thing to decide if you’re being shallow is do you actually like this person? Is he treating you well and everything is perfect besides this one thing? Then maybe, because you could be passing up on a dope guy.

    Not sure if y’all have been intimate, but if the physical chemistry isn’t there then it could be a long running problem if y’all can’t please each other.

  • Anonymous

    ok, so this might not be a “real” handicap… met a guy that was supposed to be a jump off, turns out he could be a bit more cool than that. in any event, his, um penis is bent, crooked, looks like a cane, and on the skinny side.

    my question is: am i being totally shallow here if i didn’t pursue it? i just feel that if we were to go further in a relationship, i wouldn’t be able to pleasure him as i would like to…

  • youdontknowmebut

    wow. bent penises are a problem but im not sure i’d call them a handicap!
    you are not being shallow btw would this guy keep you around if you had a crooked coochie?

  • http://www.myspace.com/jigeenakjigeen Nana Ataa

    When I was 13 yrs old, I had a massive crush on a boy who was wheelchair bound. I don’t think he had any legs, due to a congenital condition. We were both patients on the pediatric floor at the Hospital for Joint Diseases in Manhattan. What I remember / loved about him was that he was so confident, had a great sense of humor, was outspoken, and super-intelligent, but not obnoxious or attention-seeking – some of the same qualities that I look for in guys now. His larger-than- life character completely dwarfed his physical abnormalities – in my eyes, at least.

    I believe the term “disabilities” are really deep seated belief systems, matters of self-perception. Many “disabled” people – amputees, deaf, blind, disfigured, mentally disabled, etc – who are well-adjusted to their conditions, disabilities, etc. continue living and thriving to the best of their abilities. (as mr. fixit’s comment clearly demonstrates)

    Everyone could stand to learn from how they cope, become stronger or develop other strengths/abilities, and are successful in life in all ways.

    I always feel empowered by people with handicaps who don’t feel sorry for themselves, and who are going about their business like everyone else…

  • Ms Philadelphia

    I have a friend who is an amputee… He wanted to date… I was hesitant at 1st… but I manned up and took a shot…. crazy thing, he was dating multiple girls at the time… so I fell to the side as friend.. and felt like I dodged a bullet…

    About a year later.. he came back around wanting to date again.. by that time I was shollow and not feeling it… but not about the leg… more about other issues in his life…

    I dont think I could go down that road again… but I wont close my eyes to the idea completely… and if in a relationship.. I would stay for the long haul… If I loved you then.. I’ll love you now…

    BTW.. the comments have me busting out laughing….

    @ NWSO.. its 5 mths later… any new developments?

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Ms. Philadelphia

    Things didn’t work out. Nuff said.

  • http://Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

    Since you brought this back up, what happened between her and the guy?

    You should do a follow up blog …. or if the story isn’t interesting enough, respond here.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Aroundharlem.com

    Peep the comment right above yours. lol

    But to reiterate and explain—somewhat. Not much more to the story that is my right to delve into. While I do share stories, some mine some of others, I only reveal enough that’s necessary for the discussion at hand.

    As for this particular situation, it’s a lot of other factors and elements that really isn’t my place to discuss without breaking the trust of my sources and beating a dead horse.

    Sorry…. Fin!

  • Wheelz

    Man, some quite interesting comments posted over here. I’m a 29-year-old, paraplegic South African male. So I thought I’d share my dating experiences with you.

    I was involved in a car accident in my teens, just when I was starting to get interested in ladies. So, you can probably imagine how low my self-esteem dipped when I was told I’d be a paraplegic for the rest of my life. However, for some reason my sense of humour sky-rocketted (I’ve even performed at some stand-up or should I say sit-down comedy at various venues around my city) & people liked me for that.

    In turn, my confidence levels soared. Now, ladies love a confident man. That’s a fact. Not to brag, but I’ve gone out with more ladies who have asked me out than ladies I have asked out. Though, sometimes I have felt like some of them were curious as to whether I can do it or not…I’m happy to say, they have come back for more. So I’m not complaining. I live quite a normal life. I have a degree, drive my own car, have a house, make sure I’m well groomed & smell nice.

    Yeah, I have approached ladies who have turned me down, saying they like me but they were scared. Well, it’s part of human nature to fear the unknown.

    Bottow line: some will & some won’t. But then again, doesn’t that apply to us all?

  • http://Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

    So I read all the comments …. he-larious.

    Especially the comment above about “sit down” comedy from “Wheelz”

  • Jeff

    I’m an amputee and I have a very positive outlook on my new life with out my lower right leg. I lost my leg in a motorcycle accident when an 18-wheeler ran over the right side of my body.

    Wheelz,… Man,… you are right on cue.
    My girlfriend of 2 years stuck through the initial phases of surgeries and rehab. But by the time I was able to do things on my own again, she was so emotionally distraught that she couldn’t handle it. She was so messed up about it all, especially after I had the amputation after 7 months of trying to save my leg. She started drinking and abusing herself and eventually started sleeping around. So,… needless to say THAT’s over!

    But, good for me, I’ve been meeting more girls than ever now that I’m an amputee. At least this time around, if someone sticks around, it’s truly for the right reasons. Although, I can still pull off a nice suit and look good in my convertible!

    My sense on humor also sky-rocketed! Amputees are just plain out funny! You gotta be! If you ever want to have a friend that can really make you and everyone around laugh, hook up with an amputee. I’ve never done stand-up, but they turned off the music in the club last weekend to listen to what I was saying. Everyone was rolling and crying. It’s fun.

    Once I get my prosthesis, you won’t be able to tell unless I’m wearing shorts! Maybe I’ll continue to go out on crutches without my leg. That seems to get more girls!

  • Lisa

    Being a female bi lateral amputee I think it’s unfair and ridiculous for a man or anyone to not give someone a chance. It doesn’t make us any less of a person. We didn’t choose to have our limbs removed. We have to deal with what us dealt to us. I’ve had men turn the other way and run Nd I’ve had some guys that didn’t think twice about it. Everyone deserves a fair shot. I do most everything a “normal” person does. I work full time at a great company, I drive like anyone else, I have an apartment. I hate being judged because I don’t have a great set of legs. Well let’s face it people, looks fade eventually. Stop being so shallow.

  • Melissa

    Hello! I am a 26 year old female– below knee amputee on my left leg due to a horrible wreck in 2006. I’ve got a big scar on my right leg and on my stomach from this wreck and needless to say I got a new boyfriend AFTER the fact and still get hit on. I do everything I did before. I can drive a stick-shift car. I’m a photographer and a ghost hunter. I have a precious dog I care for. I can clean and cook fine. I’m about to make a huge move to Seattle, WA and plan on opening a coffee shop. I’m also an artist. If anything, the experience of losing a limb has made me stronger and more passionate. If ANYONE were to go through it, they would never be so shallow. I never saw it happening to me, but it’s been an odd sort of blessing. =)