Do Men Respect Women With Fat Asses?

1 Posted by - December 4, 2008 - Relationships, Love & Marriage

I was having a convo with my homegirl Rachel the other day and she made a random comment about her butt getting too big. While she likes what her mama gave her, she expressed the fact that she has limits on how big she wants her rear to get. Being the avid ass man that I am, I had no problems with Rachael’s posterior or its potential for mass production so I asked, “What’s wrong with having a fat ass?”

“Men don’t respect women with fat asses,” she retorted.

Floored by her statement, I inquired, “What do you mean by that?”

“Just like I said men don’t respect women with fat asses.”

I thought to myself for a moment, could Rachel’s assessment be true? Do I, or any of my male counterparts, have less respect for a woman based on the size of her ass? I mean, I can definitely see the argument that a badunkadunk can be a gift and a curse. While curvy women are often viewed as physically attractive (by men of color at least), they also attract more unwanted attention from men. Some of my male peers tend to act a fool when they spot a applebottom and make some sort of snide remark. But does that mean guys have less respect for women with fat asses?

Based on my own actions, thoughts and beliefs, I’d say no. But when it comes to the average guy, they may not display the same amount of self-control and respect to a woman, fat ass or not, that they’d want for their own mother or sister. So perhaps Rachel was correct in her assumption. Maybe guys subconsciously view curvy women as mere sexual objects and don’t treat them with the same respect as their small-waisted counterparts. Maybe all the big booty video vixens have something to do with it, too.

Perhaps that’s why so many shapely women dread walking outside. They wrap sweaters around their waists in the middle of summer just to cover up the junk in their trunk in attempts to deter unwanted catcalls. But don’t guys do that to pretty much any girl that walks by? Or is this barbaric practice amplified for full-bodied women and proof that men have less respect for them? I don’t know, it seems like too much of a sweeping statement and overgeneralization to take a specific stance.

What do you guys think? Are men less respectful to women with booty? Or is it an even playing field and it doesn’t matter if a woman has booty or not? Any bottom heavy women out there feel like they get disrespected more by men because of the junk in their trunk? Any guy willing to admit that he views women with fat asses differently? Not to beat a dead horse, but do rap videos play a role in this debate as well?

Speak your piece…

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    an ass like what? Buffie above?

    I can’t speak for all guys and their ass preferences etc. But I do think some proportions have to be taken into consideration when gauging the attractiveness of said buttocks. What might look good or acceptable on a slim girl, prob wouldn’t pass on a thicker girl. Even that model of the moment, Angel Love or whatever her name is, her bottom is phenomenal to look at but really, it does not look right on her body type and looks out of place.

    But i’ll do you one better. My boy over at Funkyminds did a whole booty break down.

    Peep it here: http://funkyminds.blogspot.com/2008/10/what-caliber-is-your-ass-magnum-or-22.html

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    Track runners are OFFICIAL.

    I gave them ample credit here in the 2008 Booty Olympics

    http://nakedwithsockson.blogspot.com/2008/08/2008-booty-olympics.html

  • http://nwso.net Naked With Socks On

    “meaning it is rare to find women that are of the “video vixen build” that are in the professional world”… WOW. Really?

    I beg to differ. My friend who initiated this blog idea is built like that and works a professional 9-to-5. Maybe she might get treated differently or have to fight for more respect.

  • Joe D.

    I don’t think I’ve consciously disrespected women who’s backside were bigger than counterparts. Then again maybe I have because the curvier women definitely get a longer look when I engage in “booty hawkin”. I’ve never disrespected ANY woman by engaging in cat-calls, lewd comments, etc but then again that’s how I was raised.

    I will say this though, I don’t think I’d marry a woman with a posterior the size of Buffie’s though. But is that disrespectful? Or a matter of preference?

  • anonymous

    Just curious – I’m a female, on the slim side, black. Is an ass like that attractive even when it’s not in proportion to her body?

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com/ Hannah

    sadly, i have no commentary on this as I am not of the fat bootied. I’m positive God gave my booty portion to someone else.

    I will say that a catcalling asshole is a cat-calling asshole regardless preference of body type.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01544845092729238737 AMR

    I ran track in college and I state this because as we all know – the majority of track girlz have azz. Even the 3rd leg on our 4×100 had azz and she was a cute slim white girl (I wonder if Lisa still has her azz or was if born out of those 400 ladders – hmmm).

    I was always size 2 and now I am a size 6…and yes all of the weight went to my ass…and luckily a little uptop as my brother so ignorantly noted recently – “you think you all that now that you got tities”! (For those of us enduring lifetime without them…you know I was offended and was feeling myself all in one moment – LOL!).

    As the weight came on, I covered or hid my rear a little more for work and displayed it a little more for “play.”

    Now I by far am No Buffy….but I have noticed that I am attracting a much wider net in variety of men. All attention is not good attention and I don’t like it. I love my body, but the bigger ya azz …my study shows ….equals more ignorant men feeling the need to say hi…especially after I walk past…(I hate that! And yes HATE is a strong word).

    Or maybe its the same men, but now I get to see their true colors…(I guess that’s my silver lining).

    The real question for me is what kind of reaction does your “married” friend who honked the horn expect to get…A big smile and a wave from the girl standing on the block. And also why do men think them calling you a pet name when they don’t know you is cool. “Hey Red!”, “Wassup, sexy?”, “How’s ya day, Slim?” …as a woman I feel rude to not answer but keep the “pet name” off…and maybe you can get less of a hiss from this cat.

  • Hanna

    Hannah, you ain’t said nothing butt a thang on both accounts! lol!

  • J

    Horse muscles, thoroughbred…omg…yo the link you put up says it and more…just remember jeans say a lot…need to see the booty outta jeans in a dress, something to determine lo-rider from upstanding…lol

    and i love me some track and dancer booty especially the professional (dancer) and all through high-school runners…WHAT WHAT…

    its all good…no disrespect AT ALL…

    *I wrote something else but in my exitement i deleted it…*

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03301488173366926557 Simply Sweet

    I do believe that women get more attention, negatively I might add, depending on the plumpness of her buttocks. When I was younger, I was very curvy for my age, I had a decent cup size as well as a rather big behind, I used to hate having to go to the train station to get my father a metrocard, because of all the attention the men would give me. I would purposely but on over sized clothes to avoid the attention.

    Even up to this day, curvy women have to be over conscious about the clothes you were to not appear “sexual”. I know for me, when I buy pants suits for interview and jobs, I have to at least go 2 sizes up so I will not negatively attract attention to my body, and gain the same respects of someone with a smaller waistline than myself.

    We are blessed with these wonderful curves but do to societies restraints we are force to cover them up.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01544845092729238737 AMR

    Come ON J!!!! Its a Blog!! You can write anything…and I am curious as to what ignorance I can laugh at ….PLEASE!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06439928509202777078 The Cocoa Luv Chronicles

    Well, what about girls with more T than A, in which I fit in. I feel like guys see my boobs before they see me and just think I’m ready for action. Even when I am on my networking tip, I don’t think that they see ME, but my girls get all the attention that’s for sure. I’d like to be able to conduct business without my girls being ogled. AND NO i don’t put them on display…all the time, I just happened to be blessed in that area.
    Oh yea, I’m gonna plug lol

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17017890265539893388 Anya NYC

    Speaking as a chick with “junk in the trunk” I’d have to say the attention cut both ways. Men are a very visual species, so I cannot fault them for looking. However I do hold them accountable on their approach in showing their appreciation. Whistles, catcalls, and crude comments are not cool. If you want to pull up an image of it for future use in your spank bank, fine with me. Just be discreet about it. That being said, I wouldn’t trade my booty for anything. Knowing that you can bring a grown man to his knees–literally–is a powerful thing. I opt to use my powers for good…as Uncle Ben would say “with great power..” ah, you know the rest!

  • Anonymous

    This may seem real weird but I was thinking about this last nite! However, i was thinking of it in the sense that “You cant have both.”, meaning it is rare to find women that are of the “video vixen build” that are in the professional world. I am not saying there are none…I KNOW women have made and are making strides in every aspect of the professional realm daily regardless of body type (I myself like Cocoa Luv is blessed on top and am pursuing my master’s) but in my opinion its a little more trying. And like what Simply Sweet was referring to women who are blessed in the bottom portion of their bodies have to make sure they dont look “sexual” in the workplace.

    I must say I agree with the notion that alot of men dont “respect”, as much, women with larger derrieres. Stupidity at its finest, but true. But at the end of the day its how a LADY carries herself and if she acknowledges or refutes such behaviors.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11493760891096793709 ShortiiSoBadd

    yes i work a 9-5 job im a receptionist and i still get the catcalls even more so because i have a big chest too so yes we do walk through the malls and hear the “damn girl”..or “ill bet the brakes off dat ass” ive heard it all which is a little disrespectful but can boost your confidence as well. Even at my job i can wear the business suit and still get the stares

  • Anonymous

    Dont think Im saying its not out there, maybe rare was too hasty…but yes it can be more trying for these women. It can be tough in the professional world for any woman!

  • fayemi

    Your friend should check out that book that Akiba Solomon wrote a couple years ago, Naked: Black Women Bare All…or something along that subject line. Women need to be less considered with how men feel about their bodies and more concerned with how we feel about ourselves. I think that level of confidence comes with age though.

    Most men, are pretty respectful to me in the street, they say peace, call me sis and I like that. They know what time it is. It’s in the way I carry myself. Now when I walk away, who knows what runs through their dirty little minds. But I kinda like that too…as long as they keep it respectful.

  • anonymous

    I have to chime in on this one. Unfortunately, the answer to your question is NO. I wish it wasn’t.

    I speak from experience. I’ve had a booty since the age of 12 and I’ve had to deal with grown men following me around my neighborhood, catcalling and a couple even grabbed me in the middle of the street. Not fun. It got to the point that I stayed inside most days, even in the summer. I actually tried swimming and track in HS to get rid of this thing and that didn’t work at all. Neither did the baggy sweaters and jeans that I actually borrowed from my brother! What I didn’t expect was to walk into my first professional job and be sexually harassed before lunch on my first day. Or to have to fight off people while I’m trying to network! Or have men literally laugh in my face when I told them about my career plans. All because of some aspect of my body I neither asked for or wanted in the first place. It’s frustrating and painful not to be taken seriously as a professional woman because of looks, especially when I know that I’m smarter and better educated than most of the men that can’t take me seriously.

    I know I’ve been really long-winded here, but the fact that you even asked this question offended me. My advice? Try taking your eyes of a lady’s ass and try taking a look inside her mind. What you find there might surprise you.

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com/ Hannah

    @Hanna

    I never said I wasn’t opinionated. LOL!

    @Fayemi
    Word. My self-worth is not tied up in the male gaze. It’s always been my party and,if they act right, only then do they get an invite.

    I don’t mind a little street appreciation if it’s polite and respectful of my space. After all, brothers have made it a comedic artform when it’s properly and respectfully done.

    Best one I’ve recieved to date:

    “Damn girl, you sound mad educated! How many degrees you got!”

    I, of course, ignored him, but it was funny.

  • Marissa

    The higher quality of men (i.e, Boule’, old guard, MV regulars)= the smaller the booty their women have.

    Real Talk

  • Mark Green

    Its a mixture of both. Its also a level of maturity on the males part. Seeing a girl w/ a fattie is definitely attractive. I can understand y women cover themselves up, but it really wouldnt matter. Some men have x-ray vision.
    If you have it, flaunt it. Its nothing to be ashamed of.

  • chris green

    me it dont matter i give respect to all women big booty half booty small booty but there got to be a booty

  • chris green

    by the way it got to be real not done by shoots

  • THAT girl…

    I apologize in advance for the length of this note but I’ve been WAITING to tell someone!

    TO ALL THAT WILL HEAR….I was literally SHOCKED to see this question posed… I thank God for Rachel for shining light on this and frankly, I’d like her to email me sometime so we can compare stories…

    I’ve tried to explain this phenomenon to folks but unless you DO have the big butt (along with the small waist and cute face to match) and DON’T want the attention, you wouldn’t understand…. and I ain’t talking bout no little J-lo or Beyonce booty…. I’m talkin’ bout a forreal buffy booty…

    I’ve been “blessed” back there since i was like 10 years old…if not younger…ITS IN MY GENEPOOL!!! And after careful estimation and watchfulness, I’ve just concluded that guys DO view girls with butts TOTALLY differently. I get/got FAR more cat calls, disrespectful words, lewd comments, inappropriate stares, etc than ANY of my posteriorly- challenged friends. Anslem, it is SOOOOO true…Rachel is not lying nor exaggerating!!!

    I’ve never dressed provocatively or seductively…. Like you said, i, like SOME of my big booty cohorts, go above and beyond to try to camouflage it as best as we can and it doesn’t matter.

    My one friend, she has EXTREMELY big boobs…… other friends who are just generally attractive… they never leave a situation feeling ‘disrespected’… i’ve seen guys come to them with a whole different approach… a softness, a gentleness…but with me its this…..disrespect.

    I don’t want the attention… at one point, i wore big jogging suit pants, at another time, I (like ur friend) wore a jacket or sweater around my waist, in recent years, i wear skirts bcuz pants tend to “fit” to ya booty…. I do EVERYTHING I can to “be modest” and “hide” or minimize but it DOES NOT matter! Some idiot, somewhere is gon’ say SOMETHING…

    I don’t and never have carried myself in a whorish manner… I’ve never had a “bad” name… as a matter of fact, in undergrad, i had a boyfriend at another school and he, of course, had his friends keeping an ‘ear’ out on me… even HE said that his boys said that he’d better keep me because my name never came up in NOTHING! My grandma taught me to keep a good reputation and I’ve lived by that! —so I SIMPLY can’t figure it out..

    my best friend’s husband, who is like a big brother to me, when I ran this idea by him (that men don’t respect women with big butts), with his brutally honest self, he replied, “I can see why you say that….” He continued though, “but in YOUR case, the moment the guy starts talking to you, he’ll know he’s outta his league and he betta leave u alone.

    So if my attitude, reputation, attire, demeanor, etc is alllll up to par …there’s but one thing it CAN be as far as I’m concerned, it’s my butt.

    I’ll share this little part and leave it at this… when i was waaay younger, I had to go to the corner store for my granny…(i was about 11 or 12 or so)…these guys at LEAST 25 yrs old, while i’m in full, virgin, pre-teen, ear shot …”Man, somebody GOTTA be ridin’ that a**” and I WANNA say, the other one replied, “if not, somebody needs to be” – Now get this, its me, them and a few other folks in there so needless to say, i’m like embarrassed and humiliated…cuz they weren’t being discreet AT ALL! First of all, I didn’t even know what that meant! 2ndly, I remember frowning my face up, turning towards the wall, like, “why would they say that to/about me?” IT WAS HORRIBLE…but that kind of disrespect never stopped as I aged…

    I’ve had friends LITERALLY, PHSYICALLY pushed and told to “move out the way so we can see that one…so we can see that a**” Mind you, these are the same friends who are attractive, big boobed (and I’m talking about double J or something crazy like that)…the other friend had on like a tight pair of jeans and some realllly naked tube-like top… BOTH of ‘em…pushed outta the way so some fool could stare at me!

    Another story, i took my co-worker, a tad bit older than me but who is quite the looker, to pick up her car from the mechanic after work… she’s one who dresses quite semi-sexy (short skirts, tight dresses) but MAINLY because shes a little bitty thang (big stuff wouldnt look right on her) but she’s made up REAL cute. she’s a girly girl, always has on make up and high heels…but she carries herself like a lady…you’d never look at her and think “whore”. Those guys, she said, have NEVER said a cross word to her in ALL her years of going there… I came in there ONE time with this loooong LOOSE skirt on, a big sweater on, no make up and my hair was in a pony tail… them men giggled and hooped and hollered and made little slick comments so much so that the next day, she was like, “what in the world did u do to those men?!?!?!” She said, “I’ve NEVER seen or heard them act that way…”

    I’ve got TONS more stories!!

    ALLs i’m saying is, Its as though they (men/boys) feel like….i don’t know, its something loose about you that they can come at you any kind of way or say any kind of thing. It’s been my experience for 20 something years…so it’s hard to just blame it on the video vixens (they weren’t as raw as they are now…IF they were out at all back then)…. You/yall may disagree but this is factual and actual!! THANK YOU RACHEL!

  • THAT girl…

    FYI – i too feel like there’s gonna be a career challenge…i’m pursuing my masters in counseling and while it’s my desire to work, among other populations, with abusive men (to get all in their warped mind), I feel like imma be challenged in that…

    I was actually thinking about it today when everyone was talking about this Chrihanna situation, I was thinking to myself, I’d love to help that population of guys and girls …but i had a visual that I’d be trying to conduct an anger management class or group therapy with some men and the guys would be acting a fool or wouldn’t take me seriously…

    Yall are joking about it, but it’s a very real and hurtful reality for those of us with “bufffy” booties AND waistlines…You REALLY have to put thought into your next move (career wise, etc)…

    If a woman with big breasts wants to seduce, she can uncover those ‘ta-tas’ show a little cleveage, etc…OR cover ‘em up……. But when u got a butt…ain’t too much u can do… *shrugs*… u ain’t gotta show clevage to get the attention or wear something tight… its just there.

  • Laid

    Mane i have listened to this bullshit for way to long!!!
    Now before i start this rant, please note i am a respectful man in everything i do but You ladies have now got my back up!!
    You all want attention when YOU want it and, anything outside of that is just not on. You cant have you cake and eat it!!!
    Comments about peoples personal parts although wrong, have been going on since time started if, it is disrespectful in your ears then as a “collective” you all should re-buff what has been said at that time, instead of just smiling and walking on as some of you do!! wrong signals!!!
    Someone on here said something about video vixens that, they are not to be blamed well, may i suggest that they are to blame if, they wasn’t up there pushing their asses up in cameras there wouldn’t be all this fuss!!!
    Also what you go to the stores and buy has another bearing on all this, just how many pictures have i seen of people out at the clubs with something so LOW you couldn’t even bend down or climb the stairs correctly???!
    Yes men are visual people, BUT aren’t women too ?? we BOTH see physical before we even know the mind, men are vocal and yes that’s wrong in some ways but aren’t women vocal too ???

    To stop all these cat calls – step up to the plate and make it known that it is disrespectful !!!
    I was gonna go there with other stuff that grinds on me like ppl using the word bytches ..is that ok too ???
    Comon ladies, teach them what they SHOULD know!!!!

    Note: If your gonna send me hate mail send it to: idk@hotmail.com
    Peace
    Grrrrrrrrr !!!!

  • THAT girl…

    Mr. “Laid”
    Obviously you did NOT read MY entire message….. I agree with you that it’s not SOLELY the video vixens… I ALSO have responded to their disrespect with everything from ignoring (NOT SMILING), an evil stare….all the way to straight up telling the guy(s) “that’s VERY rude and disrespectful”….. After a while, you get STRAIGHT UP tired of that… Everywhere you go, you have to defend yourself!?!?!? FOR 20 YEARS?!?!?! It gets VERY old…Over time it literally made me VERY VERY resentful towards men, to the point where I was VERY rude to men (even the ones who WERE NOT disrespectful). I had to pray about it and God helped me with it…(((because I ultimately don’t want to be mean to men because they are to me…that just ain’t the way to be)))

    I was just glad to see someone address this topic…

  • BTaylor65

    I am a black woman with a big butt and big tits so I get stared at for the wrong reasons all of the time. My point is that I believe that on first glance, men do not respect women who have big butts and larger breast. I guess that some men think it’s flattering to say nasty things to women, but the reality is that some women do not like to be referred to as sexy. I am one of them.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ That Girl

    Thanx for chiming in. Your case seems 10X more intense than Rachael. It really sucks that because of the assets God and genetics gave you, you have to be objectified by ignorant men. Can’t speak for us all but we don’t all act that way. I haven’t seen what you working with but based on your description I’m sure it cause even preacher’s to turn. Sucks that men are so visual and lack that self-mute button at times.

    All I can say is continue to hold your head high and don’t settle for less or any disrespect. I feel that most guys that catcall and/or ogle back down when they confronted by an intelligent woman. I’d hit each one of them with the, “Excuse me brother. Would you appreciate if someone approached your mother, sister, or wife that way? Do you really expect a real woman to respond to that. And it’s totally unacceptable for you to make assumptions about me based on my body. SO if you don’t have an apology for me, then we have nothing else to discuss. Have a good day, brother.”

    May or may not work, but my 2 cents

  • da ThRONe

    This is dumb in my opinion people are a-holes everybody knows that. If you are a smart women you shouldnt let some morons ruin your day. It very unfortunate that any lady would have to deal with foolishness like this. As a man you look even stare if you want ,but saying stupid shit is way to far. At the same time you should understand its because you have something they want and there just to juvenile to express it the right way. I strongly disaree with confronting men like this. Why waste a minute of your time on somebody who should be showing respect and the 1st place?

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ Da Throne

    I disagree in part, because the reason a lot of guys do dumb shit and continue to do so is because A) No one tells them they’re behavior is wrong and B) Some chick somewhere falls for it or allows it, so they see it as okay to do.

    I don’t suggest a woman physically confront a man, my suggestion was to address the situation in a calm and mature manner right then and there. I bet that most guys (hopefully) would see the err in their action when confronted and if they got that response more times than a smile (which can be misconstrued that “she likes it”) or a cuss out session (which can be misconstrued that she’s a “b*tch”) or ignoring (which can be misconstrued that she’s a “rude b*tch”).

    As with anything, if something bothers you the only way some one else will know is if you tell them. I don’t really use the N-word a lot, so when people over use it in my presence I tend to let them know, hey, I’m not a fan of that and it makes me uncomfortable. How would they know unless I told them?

    And most of the dudes saying rude shit on the street are punks so they’ll probably buckle under the presence of an intelligent woman’s rebuttal (no pun intended)

  • da ThRONe

    @NWSO

    Maybe im giving people to much credit ,but I have a hard time buying dudes not knowing that saying “Ohh let me tap that ass” to a lady is disrespectful! I believe they just dont care and telling them off isnt going make them care. This kind of behavior stems from something deeper than just ignorance.

    You really think that if THATgirl stops and explain to them that there being jerks there going stop?

    Im from New Orleans home of some of the most disrespect niggas alive. And there are so many event down here were women are “On display”
    The few dudes that I hung out with(not by my choice) and seen them behave that way were like that all night no matter what. Some females explained themselves, some ignored it, and some acted a plum fool(and rightfully so) but them dudes didnt change at all! They were so disrespectful saying shit and touching it pissed me off but I didnt know them well enough to say anything there were friends of friends. Maybe people are different up there but down here cats just dont care.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ da Throne

    I def think there are dudes that don’t no better. Whether it’s because their male figures didn’t or just plain ignorance. But I doubt many guys realize the position they put women like THAT Girl in, mentally and emotionally by their actions. If they knew and had a heart, I’d hope they’d approach women differently. But if not they just fall in line with “oh, I’m just joking girl” or “I’m a man and that’s what I do.” Actually, it’s not what men do.

    And sure That Girl (or any woman) speaking to one of these clowns may not always change the problem, but it’s better than just ignoring it. It shouldn’t just be That Girl alone speaking up, but every girl that feels uncomfortable and even men as well that know better. As long as people accept a cycle it will continue. And one squeaky wheel doesn’t get the attention, but if more squeak out someone will eventually address the problem.

  • Laid

    *That Girl* …..Point taken….hope you have a great and blessed day!! :)

  • Anonymous Mami

    @Laid

    You say you’re tired of this “bullshit”? I just have a question, because this has happened to many women I know (Not me, though, because I don’t have a Buffy Booty). You said that women shouldn’t complain about men disrespecting them because they have a large ass, but what about the issue of unwanted touching? My sister, bff, and a few cousins have all encountered this at least one point, and it is far from bullshit, it is a serious issue. My sister, when she was only 13 and was downtown hanging out with some friends, had a guy walk right up to her, grab her ass first, and then say damn, lil mama, can I get up on that? Men see a big ass and just seem to forget that the ass is attached to a person. They don’t care how old a female is (because a few of these people I know were underaged at the time), whether she is taken, or even about the fact that it is unwanted touching. And when a female says anything to indicate that it is unwanted, they act like she’s wrong. A couple of the women who commented even mentioned people touching them. How can you say that you’re tired of hearing women complain about this? You act like because some women dress provocatively, it means that ALL women want this attention. Not to mention the women who aren’t even women yet, but girls. Every woman is an individual, and what one woman likes, another may find deplorable. So your comment “if it is disrespectful in your ears then as a “collective” you all should re-buff what has been said at that time, instead of just smiling and walking on as some of you do!! wrong signals!!!” really made no sense, because obviously it doesn’t bother the women who smile and walk on. But these women are NOT every woman, nor are they representative of the majority of women. And “Also what you go to the stores and buy has another bearing on all this, just how many pictures have i seen of people out at the clubs with something so LOW you couldn’t even bend down or climb the stairs correctly???!” Obviously, these women wearing these things are NOT the same women complaining. You need to learn not to stereotype, or generalize, because 9 times out of 10, you’ll be wrong. Also, no woman should have to teach a grown man that objectifying women is wrong. It’s common sense. But as I know all too well, common sense is not very common.

  • THAT Girl

    Anon Mami…
    You summed it up…some guys see a big butt and forget that it’s attached to a person….that’s about the absolute BEST summary of this situation I’ve ever heard!!!… WOW!

    NWSO & DaThrone…
    As I’ve forestated, I’ve both calmly and sassy-ly said something to guys… I can’t think of one time when I’ve gotten an apology… But both of you men have EXCELLENT POINTS!

    NWSO, when I was reading your message of advice (which I appreciate dearly), BEFORE I EVEN READ DeThrone’s, I was thinking, “NWSO must not be from the South…” LOL DaThrone came back and said EXACTLY what I was gonna say….it’s something quite different about the men in the south!!!

    Im in TN……Ive been in other areas of the US and I don’t get the same un-restraint, lack of moral, ignorance…. Saying something sensible trying to reason with these southern men is like adding a little more fuel to their fire… in other words, you’ll say something and they’ll have some even stupider comeback…so just suffer the humiliation once is how i see it…. I “feel” my way with each situation… sometimes I say something (and im kind and respectful when i do so…SOMEtimes *LOL*), most times, however, I ignore….because again, these southern men are a different breed…

    I thank you two for your advice….
    NWSO – come to some southern event and see for yourself…now, don’t come to nothing like Kappa Beach or an event like the old “freak nik”… (i’ve never gone to either of those but i heard it was VICIOUS!!) Just come to some general gathering…like a HBCU football classic or simply just for a vacation and go to some general place like the park or mall or….i dunno, church *LOL*

    DaThrone – Next time, speak up to your friend(s) twice removed… Maybe you’ll have to do it in a setting where yall are just sitting around chit chatting… bring it up casually and take it from there……… you’ll be saving some unsuspecting chick the headache….

    I appreciate this forum…its very therapeutic :)

  • http://blackplanet.com/ebonypoet ebonypoet

    I love a sistah with a fine ass. Fine to me means small, medium, large, super, well shaped, etc. South African sistahs seem to be blessed in this arena. Large asses and tiny waists. having said that, I always respect women. I have never catcalled a sistah no matter how well she was endowed nor what she was wearing. A man looks but does not ogle and files it away in his memory for later reference.

  • Bratt

    Here’s my 2 cents on the matter…. My booty is rather large and has been for much of my life, and like many of the ladies here i have been disrespected by many men because of it… I’ve been touched, cat-called at, whistled at…even followed!!! All of this because of a part of my body that I have no control over….

    I think that big booty just turn these men into something they’re not because I’ve seen lots of men i know to be very respectful on a normal basis turn into rude assholes because of the sight of a woman with a big booty. Sadly, there is not much that we big bootied women can do about it except try to ignore it and go on with life..

  • da ThRONe

    @Bratt

    I beg to differ there is no “respect switch” either you are or your not.

    I love a big ass as much as any man on earth and I get hella excite just looking at one. But I dont just lose my ability to be respectful based on the size of the booty.

  • Divine_N_4Real

    It’s taken me a long time to look @ my booty as a blessing…even now I still waiver @ that thought. Like THAT GIRL..I have had many uncomfortable situations that have surrounded my behind.

    I remember being 13 yrs old and just finishing my paper route and a man followed me home. All I could hear him saying was “Damn girl you ass is round?” “Could I rub it a little?” Luck for me my father was sitting on the front porch when I cam running down the street….not so lucky for the man though.

    High school was bad…big breast and a big booty. Walking into class, passing a table with a group of guys, walking into the gym….Conversations stop and all eyes on you. I remember standing up in the bleachers in the gym waiting for my b-ball game to start. This one senior that always bothered me about my butt pulled my jacket up and yelled out “Look @ that ass….I’d tap that..Wouldn’t you?”

    I like the other females have always dressed in a respectable fashion…I to would wear the big sweaters or shirts to cover it up. Unfortunately it just attracted more attention to it. I was so subconscious of my booty I would never wear skirts or dresses. It really effected my self esteem.

    So yes I agree fully that Men have no type of respect for women that have big butts. It’s one thing to approach me and have meaningful conversation. It is quite the other when you approach me with “Damn babe ass is hella fat” or “Damn girl your ass is swoll” or “Girl your ass might break a brothas dick but babe you break mine anytime…DAAAAAAMMMMMNN”.

    There is only so much times you can approach a man when they make a comment of sorts to you. At the end of the day it goes in one ear and out the other. Mainly because it has become acceptable because not enough of us call them on these disrespectful remarks and degrating images of what a woman of colour is protrayed as in the media.

    As I have gotten older I have been able to embrace the gift of the Booty. It still remains a struggle for me….but the comments don’t help my struggle

  • http://www.assertivewitwithatouchofsarcasm.blogspot.com AssertiveWit

    I have some rumparoni and when I was younger I HATED it. It did draw more attention than the average size little onion booty and some idiots felt like shouting out whatever crossed their mind when they saw my butt. As I got older, I grew used to the asinine comments I would get because of it. Some men are just jerks like that. I think women with ANY features that stand out more than the usual get paid more attention to than the norm. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big ass, big titties, big lips, or big thighs…some man is going to go above and beyond and do the most in his efforts to “compliment” her on her assets. I don’t have to like it at all but it kind of comes with the territory, unfortunately.

  • Bratt

    @ da Throne

    You may be right but im just sayin, dude’s that i normally know to be polite guys are complete assholes around chicks wit big booties

  • P.Lynn

    I personally know from the experience that ass does make me disrespect women morem but guys don’t realize they are doing it. I have had many problems with guys about my butt and I don’t even think it’s that big. I am always talkin about how I’m trying for a baby buffie..lol.
    In high school I danced ballet, and jazz. My curves were lovely however, I was shy. So just the same as SIMPLY SWEET, I wore clothes to cover up my body. I didn’t want the boys staring at my body. My senior yr of highschool I decided it was enough. I showed off my body wearing sweats and skirts on the dress down days. Never have I gotten more attention, boys sayinf smart comments, feelin on it while switchin classes.These were classmates I knew, so I kinda gave them the evil eye and told them I would punch them in the face if they did it again. Guys on my street that were much older already was looking at me like a piece of meat, so revealing my curves made it all the worse. I still to this day get gawked at when I leave my house. Therefore I tend to stay indoors alot. Big any women body parts that look right gets attention and sometimes when women don’t want it.

  • s

    I hate being objectified plain and simple i just want to be respected, speak to me 1st dont assume words as such are cute cause they are not a stripper may like that but i am not one, that simple.

  • Sandy

    I’d kill myself if I had a fatass! lol

    I refuse to be the stereotypical thick– aka a euphemism for fat–black woman!

    I used to be the thick girl (not fat tho, but a curvy size 8)—my friends nicknamed me “the Body”–for most of my life. About 2 years ago I decided to eat right and work out and now I am currently between a size 2/4. I mention this because I know from firsthand experience that having a fatass vs being a cute skinny girl with an hourglass (a la Megan Fox’s body) has transformed the type of men I attract. Grant it I am the same college educated woman with the same sense of style I was 5 years ago, however, at present I seem to attract more quality, educated/successful men of ALL races with my more svelte frame instead of the blue collar black men that used to approach me when I was a “thickums.”

    My female friends share these sentiments as well…

    I take it as a compliment when certain types of BM and BW call me too thin or say I need to eat. I just laugh. I”ll be that bony chick with every IBM (Ideal Black Man) I come in contact with wanting to date me….

  • Abigail

    I’ve never been disrespected because of my ample rear end. For the most part men (Black, White and anything in between) stare and gawk. It makes me uncomfortable at times but to be honest I wouldn’t trade my booty for a flat ass.

  • http://nosinglemamadrama.wordpress.com/2009/09/05/relationship-drama-how-to-get-over-your-ex/#more-162 Ms. No Single Mama Drama

    Like someone mentioned above. When I ran track, I had no T and thought I had no A, but as soon as I had my son (I had him young), I got me some womanness about myself (lol) very quickly.

    I’m thick, short and curvy – and I love it. I don’t get disrespect because I carry myself respectfully. I wear clothing that accentuates my curves, but doesn’t expose all my bidness, if you know what I mean.

  • Anonymous

    when we as men see nice sized T&A, we really dont mean any harm by our reactions, we dont mean to be disrespectful, we somehow mean it to be a compliment. So ladies forgive us.

  • BigAssLover

    I have a lot of respect for women sporting a wide load. Once you bury your face into it there is no turning back. Yeah Baby!

  • Anna

    I just don’t get it!!! I don’t have a big ass but every time I walk with him he’s always looking and tripping when he see a girl with a big ass!! Is it because he’s missing something at home!!? Or is it because he doesn’t have respect for me or love me?? if either one is the case then why be with me knowing that I don’t have what you are looking for ” which is a girl with a big ass” ? Like If you like what you like then why fucking settle for less?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Well, I can only speak for myself. While I have a preference I know enough to know that what you want, and more importantly what you need, doesn’t always come in the box you expect. I’ve dated women that didn’t have my ideal ass for one single reason, they were good women. A real man dates a woman not her ass, just unfortunately he will look at that fatty when it goes by—even if he has a perfectly one at home. His eyes can wander as long as his heart doesn’t.

  • Anna

    but where does the respect come in? Then does that mean u don’t have any? Where the respect for the relationship? So does that mean I’m entilted to do the same and lose respect for him in that sense?

  • Anna

    Y not just be single to do all that instead of hurting the one ur with?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    If the disrespect is in regards to looking at other women, again what really matters is whether he’s actually pursuing other women. But of course, it is wack to ogle women in front of your girl, so that should be a conversation between y’all and how that makes you feel. Hopefully he’ll be more mindful moving forward.

    if the disrespect is something totally different that’s also a convo that needs to be had.

    But again, if ypu’re just talking about looking it’s a matter of your own self confidence and insecurities. My married friends who are completely faithful tell me all the time that their eyes still work. So looking is no biggie but that of course isn’t happening in front of their wives—unless they’re both looking. LOL

    From what it sounds like though there’s a whole lot more going on than simply looking. So have a talk with your man and really analyze the status of your relationship and what your next move should be. If you feel disrespected and it doesn’t look like that will change it’s on you to decide to put up with it or move on.

  • bone

    I love phat asses it is not a lack of respect but a thumbs up for the beauty of a full figured women. All the pics of greek and southern bells were full figured women . You dream of being a deva embrace it. All these women are trieing to be you