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A Picture's Worth, Pt. 3 of 3

Posted by NWSO • January 6, 2009 • Printer-friendly

PLEASE NOTE: This is Part Three of a three-part post, if you don’t want to be completely confused; I suggest you read PART ONE and PART TWO first before proceeding any further.

As I waited on the desolate platform, I did everything within my power to stay awake because I was dead tired. I had to keep moving around just to stop myself from falling asleep and potentially landing on the tracks. I still couldn’t believe April gave me the boot and had me troopin' all the way to Queens at this time of night. I mean, she told me about her "no male sleepovers" rule before, but it was only like 12 o'clock last time and I troop from BK at that hour all the time. If I had known she was gonna stick to her guns, I would’ve just gave her the poster and bounced earlier instead of chillin’ until three in the morning. But since I hadn't seen her in a week, I wanted to enjoy some alone time together. Still, I was kinda tight at this extended commute—the next train didn't come ’til almost an hour later.

I transferred to the R train at Atlantic Avenue and took that all the way to 34th Street to catch the F train. (Yup, I had to go through Manhattan just to get to Queens). Needless to say, it was a good hour and a half later before I finally walked in my crib at about 5:30 in the morning. I ripped off my clothes hopped in the bed and pulled the covers over my head so I could fight off the morning sun rays that would be creeping through my blinds in a few hours.

s_mobilephone2

Later that afternoon I emerged from my slumber, checked my phone and saw a text from April, who wanted to see if I made it home safe and thank me again for the poster. The sweet gesture wiped away most of the animosity I had in the heat of the moment. I called April a little later to let her know how long my commute was and vowed to her that I would never make that late night journey again. If I ever wound up at her house again either she was going to have to break her couch rule or I was just gonna have to break out sooner. Needless to say, she held her ground and I never saw the inside of her apartment or her couch again.

If you can't tell by now (or from her comments yesterday:), April and I didn't work out. A few months later she drew her line in the sand and told me I was a real sweet guy and she enjoyed my company, but I just wasn't her type. I had some fatal flaw that to this day she won't reveal. Despite all of that, though, we were friends prior to hanging out romantically and remained so after the end of our unfulfilled courtship. (Hopefully, this blog series didn't damage that friendship).

FLASH FORWARD: During a friendly dinner many moons later, April and I somehow wound up talking about the past and the night of my two-hour wait outside her crib came up. We were discussing relationships and April brought up this former flame that had been igging her for months and how he’d been pestering her about getting back together. (EDIT NOTE: I can't actually recall the specific reason she gave, but I know it involved another dude. So I employed slight creative license to the specifics of April's lateness.)

"That was actually the reason I was late that night you came to my house last winter," she confessed.

"Oh, so that’s who your ‘meeting’ was with,” I smirked. “I knew something wasn't right about that night. You was acting mad suspect."

"I'm sorry. He wasn't anyone to worry about anyway. We've been over. He was just in town for the holidays and wanted to see me. Then he sprung all this I-wanna-get-back-together stuff but I wasn't trying to hear it."

"If it was nothing, then why'd you act all shady about it?"

"Because I didn't want to talk about it anymore and I didn't feel it was something you and I had to discuss."

"But you could have given me some kinda explanation for having me wait outside for over an hour with a gift for you."

"But why'd you even come to my house without speaking to me? You were supposed to call me and actually speak to me before just coming over. Who does that?"

"Okay, you're right. I just figured since we made plans earlier in the day and you said your 'meeting' would be done way before six, you'd be home. Whatever the case, you shrugging me off about the whole thing was wack and then you sent me home at like three in the morning."

"I told you a long time ago, I don't let boys sleep over."

"That's the thing, I'm a man.”

“But you were never my man.”

[Laughs] "Okay, you got that. But you acting like I was gonna attack you if you let me sleep on your couch. We've known each other for a minute, April, and you know I wouldn’t do nothing like that. Like I always say, I don’t go no where I’m not invited."

"Well, that didn't stop you from coming to my house without confirming. And you thought just because you brought me a gift—which I appreciate dearly—that I was gonna break my own house rules to let you sleep on the couch? Negro, please, I've heard that one before."

"You know what? That's not even what got me mad—it's the fact you never gave me a straight answer about why you were late. You just shrugged it off."

"Sorry you feel that way, but I just had an emotionally draining conversation and then I find out you're in front of my house without talking to me. I just didn't want to talk about anything. I just wanted a nice glass of wine to calm my nerves."

“See, I didn't know all that, because you didn't tell me anything. All this time I just thought you were being a brat.”

"Maybe I should have told you why I was late, but at the time, I just felt it wasn’t that big of a deal and didn’t want to spend the next two hours talking about him.”

“Just like I didn’t want to spend two hours out in the cold or on the train trying to get home.”

“No one told you come by unannounced or to wait outside all that time. Negro, that was on you."

[Laughs] "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that still didn't mean you had to kick me off the couch," I said with a smile.

Shaking her head at me, April huffed back, "Come on, Ans, just let it go already.”

With the truth finally out, that's exactly what I did. I let go of those emotions and the dinner fork I had been gripping ever so tightly as our conversation got more heated. By time I loosened my vice grip around the silverware, I looked down at my unclenched hand and all I could see in my palm was the color purple.

Fin.

So what are peoples take on this story? Was I wrong for heading to April's crib without talking to before I headed over? Did she owe me an excuse after I waited outside her crib for all that time? Or was she right; I wasn't her man so her whereabouts were none of my business? What about April’s rule about not letting “boys” stay over? Should she have kicked me out at three in the morning just because of some rule about guys staying over? Or was it foul to give the boot to someone you knew for a while? Should I have taken my gift back when I got kicked or would that have been petty?

Speak your piece…

EPILOGUE: Based on yesterday's comments, I see that this series appeared to ruffle a few feathers and I apologize for offending April. I write about the crazy/interesting things that happen in my life and that's my choice, but in telling my stories I inadvertently include my friends who don't generally have a say in the matter. Most times, they take the name changes and creative license I take in recounting these adventures with a grain of salt, but sometimes salt can sting. April, hopefully now that the series is complete you can see where I was going with it and we're still cool. Commenters, discuss my version of events amongst yourselves and be mindful that real people are attached and might be reading. Until tomorrow, NWSO.

UPDATE: Click HERE for Pt. 4

Tagged as: apology, Christmas, dating, dinner, Friends, gift, holiday

VirgoVida

Well, well, well...she was salty then, and she's still salty now! EEEWWWW. I understand that April was sticking to her rule but, let me say that it sounded like Naked was feeling her, way more than she was feeling him. Which is not a bad thing, at least he took the time to show her how he felt. No one would have gone through all of that trouble if they weren't "kinda sorta" feeling you. I mean, Naked gave April way more benefit of the doubt, than any dude I know. And even years later, she's still trying to brush you off...you sure y'all are cool?
After all the drama, hopefully April will show her cursor around these parts and:
a) Apologize for salty outbursts, cause you didn't dog her out. AND
b)Divulge the fatal flaw girl! Whether on this site, or to him personally, I think you owe it to him. The man seems like he can learn from his past.
knappi

Well...

Didn't think April was a witch UNTIL she commented. Sometimes it's best to keep our mouth closed.

If you are so adamant about not letting men stay over at your house, you probably shouldn't have them over AT ALL. Only meet them in public places and avoid the headache.

And it would have taken you all of 10 seconds to tell NWSO that you weren't going to be able to meet him like you had thought earlier and that he should go home and you would catch up with him later.

This entire situation seemed unnecessary and could have been avoided from jump, IMO.
righteous mama

April is a prude. Sorry. I don't mean that in a negative way. Those types of women often get the better guys 'cause they stick to their guns. But NWSO you seem like the kind of guy that likes a woman with such morals and values. I have a feeling tho she probably would give up the panties with the quickness to a guy that really did for her. Neither one of you were wrong. She just wasn't that into you. Me, I woulda let you stay and gave you a VERY nice thank you! If I'm not into a guy I don't accept his gifts and I wouldn't let him stay after midnight. Maybe she wanted you to go but didn't want to be impolite by asking you to leave. Sounds like she was stringing you along and that's not cool. But no you shouldn't have taken the gift back and yes it would have been petty.

I gotta go back and check out April's comments. tee hee. Love the drama!

Don't be mad at him girl!
http://www.myspace.com/jigeenakjigeen Nana Ataa

This IS better than reality tv...It's like a Real World reunion...

Judging by the emotions April & Naked still have surrounding that event...I might be wrong, but y'all still haven't really reached closure yet. I think the key thing to consider in trying to resolve this issue ('cause you are both not convincing when you say you are "cool") is that it's not about who was right or who was wrong. You both seem kind of justified in some of your behaviors that evening.

Naked - you liked her enough to go out of your way to retrieve something she liked...You gave her a gift that had meaning and significance. That's huge for a lot of women, since many men - who are not seeking engagement to a woman, and are not related to her - might not have gone that distance (literally and figuratively).

In delivering that gift however - you invaded her space, and it seems that space and boundary issues are important to April. Ignoring that, or not prioritizing that in your delivery of your gift to her clearly did not sit well with her. Overstaying your welcome (so to speak) was perceived by her at that time to be almost like bullying - as sweet as your intentions might have been - I might have perceived those action as being a little "Klingon" like. As she said in her comment - she never asked for any of this. Staying longer on the couch, showing up at her house, waiting when she wasn't there...She probably perceived it all as straight stalker behavior!

I do think the more mature thing for April to do from the get-go was to tell you "thank you, but please don't get me a gift" or "I just want to give you a heads up - I can't meet you after work today".

Showing up late, without a good excuse (like death or sickness or job security) whether it's verbalized or not - is clearly non-verbal behavior that the other person doesn't want to be there. She doesn't show up, you go away, personal space, boundaries, and peace are restored.
righteous mama

Ok. This is some serious funny as shit to me! LMAO! After reading the real April's comments I should say that the real April doesn't sound like a prude but the one in the story does.

Why the hell did you call her and tell her about this? LOL. Funny. I hope she isn't too mad at you and she understands how things get embellished here and there when people write.
VOD

Hmmmm.......

April seems real snarky..... unnecessarily snarky. I can understand her rule because I abide by that same (unwritten) rule and I think he should've spoken to her first before trekking out there, but it would've been nice to get an explanation as well as some kind of apology for the misunderstanding and the inconvenience of waiting for so long.

If this happens again with anyone else and they don't return the phone calls, take yourself home. That's my unwritten rule; hopefully you'll apply it to yourself.
some guy

At the end of part 3, I’m more confused then I was after part 1. Honestly more by the other commenters than by you, socks, I think you got that you made some mistakes with your decisions, whether you understand the gravity of them or not, but that’s for you to have a personal moment of reflection about and decide. I believe both my previous post/questions still stand as unanswered, so they are probably better suited posted here where the conversation will probably occur than back on parts 1 and 2. Below are my previous posts. Ladies I’d appreciate it if you especially paid attention to my second comment from part 2.

Part 1 question/post:
I’m confused, maybe this will be answered in the next part, but why would you go to the house of a chick without speaking to her, when by your own omission you have only been to her a place at the most twice before, which I’d assume means you two weren’t that close at the time?

Part 2 question/post:
Guess April was thinking the same thing I was after part 1. I have to admit, I'm surprised more women aren't on April's side on this matter. I don't know her reasons for not letting dudes that aren't family sleep over rule (single ladies should follow suit), but if I ever heard my lil sis had any dudes that weren't preapproved by the family over night I'd whip her ass. That has nothing to do with how good a man you are socks just with the world we live in, everyone is good until they are not.
distinguishedgentlewoman

April was right. And it seems like you two were definitely not on the same page where the relationship was concerned (you were feeling her more than she was feeling you, it seems). You shouldn't have gone to her house w/o checking with her first. Your gesture was sweet, but checking in with her to see if it was okay to come over would have been the polite thing to do. Especially since you guys were not an official item at the time. And all the events that transpired (you waiting there for hours, the constant texting and calls, etc.) were completely on you. April's not responsible for your thoughts and actions, only you are.

And she was also right about not owing you any explanation and sticking to her no-male-sleepover rule.
http://nwso.net NWSO

Thanx Some Guy for your input.

Honestly, this one has become emotionally draining for me and I can't wait to put it behind me and move on. So I pretty much plan to stay out of this one, but since you addressed me directly and there appears to be a few holes, I'll try to fill them in somewhat briefly.

1) I too am surprised by some of the comments. I feel like folks are being a little harsh on April. This is real life and since she made her presence known unlike most other "characters," I understand her instinct to want to defend the fictionalized portrait I painted. Although my purpose was just to set up the scenario for discussion and not create a potential character assassination of my friend. Again, that wasn't my attempt or purpose. So I'd appreciate if folks took into consideration the fact the real April may feel away about my version of events (creative license) so be nice.

2) Looking back on it years later none of this would have happened of I just left the damn poster at my job and went about my business when I couldn't reach April. I'll admit, looking back on the story now I did/do look a bit stalkerish (I see you girl LOL). But here was my thinking: This was someone I knew for a couple years as a friend/associate, this someone I was "hanging out" with for about four-five months, I wound up at her house one of our first "dates" because it rained (that's when I understandable heard about the no crashing rule, which I was fine with we were early in hanging out), from recollection we spoke earlier that day and we confirmed the time I just was supposed to speak to her again before heading over—that was my bad for jumping the gun. Lastly, I was really digging her, hadn't seen her in a week and change due to holidays, and I was excited about giving her the gift which I knew she would love. So since she should have been home, as I wrote in part one I figured I'd just head out.

3) As for why I stayed around—of my own free will. Was because that frame was type big, and as I wrote in part one I didn't want to lug it all the way to Queens or to another part of BK, only to have her lug it back—especially since she should have been home any minute. If it was something easily carried I would have been bounced and caught up with her another time. But that's on me for A) buying the gift B) heading over unconfirmed C) being too lazy to want to carry it back home.

4) Some Guy, you didn't really pose a question to me in your second query, but I'll say this I do agree in general that it's probably best a girl doesn't have a guy stay over—especially if she wasn't digging him. From my own experiences "things" can always happen, but I really was dead tired and was about to fall out and I had, and still have, the utmost respect for April so I didn't even have any funny business on my mind.

Oh, and in her defense, she did remind me of the time on several occasions, like, yo, it's getting late, but I willingly ignored them. Why? I was having a good time, we started our evening late, I hadn't seen her in a minute, and maybe she would have let me use the couch, but clearly I was wrong on all counts. Just like April said in her comment yesterday, I should have gotten the fuck out.

You live and you learn.

Hopefully, these sheds more light on the situation/scenario and folks can see both sides a little clearer.
http://nwso.net NWSO

Maddy, avatar gone. I liked the pic though lol

it's connected to your email addy through gravatar. either use another email addy or don't input and the pic associated with your email won't appear
Maddy Usher

Taking the gift back would be beyong petty. There was a mutual failure to communicate. You did well in this situation and you're way more forgiving and forgetting than I would be. April did well to stand firm, unfortunately for the both of you, she is a bit inflexible. Who knows maybe she battles with confidence or has been manipulated by men in the past and it was important to her that she not give in to your couch requests. who knows what goes on in people's minds? We're all working through something.
Maddy Usher

OMG!!!!! I had no idea my photo avatar would come up! Can you get rid of that or delete my comment? Please?!?!

Thank You!!!!!
Maddy Usher

Hey, looks like the photo avatar disappeared. Feeling better. Thx
Maddy Usher

Whoa. That was fast! Thank you!
DJ CEO

After reading the story in it's entirety (from Ans point of view) and reading the comments, it's safe to say that both of you played part in creating unnecessary drama on that night. As soon as April found out she was going to be with dude, a quick text saying you may need to reschedule should have been sent. Ans, I've been in a position when I'm really feeing a girl and I do some things without rationally thinking it out myself but you should have never went to her house until you hear from her. True ya'll did confirm earlier in the day so I can see why your actions were justified but that was your feeling making you move, your mind wouldn't have let you make that troop knowing you didn't speak to her. And finally Rules are Rules. We all have them and that doesn't make us prudes. Everyone doesn't agree with everyone else's Rules but you have to respect them. Hey I have a rule that if a female wants to come to my house anytime after 10pm, unless she is like "my sister" she already knows what it is. And if you ain't down with the program, you got to go or don't even show up.
MsMac

I agree with CEO. I think unnecessary drama was contributed on both ends. I believe the trip to her house without speaking to her was a little out of line. Although I do fell pretty bad that you had to make the extreme trek home. I also believe she was wrong for not letting you know she wouldn't be available during the agreed time. All in all I thought it was a great story and I hope that you and April are still "Cool"...Doubt it LOL.
arlene

each woman is different with her house rules, so i won't comment on it. the situation, overall, looks like a miscommunication of feelings. i don't think you were wrong in stopping by her house, but that's because i don't mind that (nice surprise). other people do.
VOD

some guy:

Folks may seem a bit harsh on April because on this blog NWSO seems to be a nice, kinda stand-up guy. So when someone "does" or "says" something to you that might seem to be a bit off, we in the cyber-world come to his defense. (Others can correct me if I'm wrong in assuming this.)

My comment still stands though. I still feel the same way about both parties involved.

This is basically what happens when people assume. And you know that famous saying about assumptions.....
DiffNames

Imma keep it all the way 100% here.

Socks, you played yourself with your decisions to go over and wait and all that jazz, without the finally word from shorty. Now I can understand you was feeling her and yall talked earlier etc... but honestly you set yourself up for failure. Taking back the gift would have been wack, I think, but you did the right thing afterwards, you took it on the chin and kept it movin'

April you, for the most part, were all they way in the right til you tried to air out Socks in the comments. The only flaw I saw on your side is not responding to Socks after yall made plans and son was hitting you. But I can tell that April is probably an over sensitive female for lack of a better description.

All in all yall should just let the issue go.

Socks I was a little disappointed in Part 3. I thought there would be more to it like a bar fight or drive by shooting, lol. You definitely could have condensed it to 2 parts. But it was entertaining.
Eblu

If I am remembering correctly, April had already told you the time that you were to meet, so I understand you not thinking anything had changed in the few hours up until then. I also question why she didn't just call you and tell you that she was otherwise engaged. (we knew it was another dude) That is called having respect for someone. Also, since it seems as if yall were friends, didn't she think that you would get a little worried when she didn't answer any of your attempts to get in touch with her? She saw you calling/texting her. She ignored you. This all could have been avoided if she just would have been straight up with you. And the thing about the present... I can't believe she even accepted it. It took a lot of effort to get something like that. If something came up, she should have been the one to call you and let you know her plans had changed. I don't have near as much trouble getting around here in the midwest, but I would have been hella pissed waiting on train after train in the middle of the night. I'm getting riled up just thinking about it! I also noticed in the previous post how her tone changed when she was asking about the present. Typical. Sounds like someone is trying not to have just the cake but the whole bakery~ (you are a good friend to still try and take up for her) One of my pet peeves is people trying to 'get over'!!! Arghhhh!!!
http://www.guerillaartist.com Deka

April sounds like a conceited chic. to not let you sleep on the couch that night was a bit over board. I've learned my lesson with trying to impress women that don't have any real interest in me. Too bad we learn after the gifts, dinners, movies, etc. they will sit there and let you SPEND and use up your time while they know for sure they are not interested.
Maine

Socks... I have been in this situation as well. Making moves for an admired lady, and placing my own feelings ahead. What I realized from a past mistake of this nature, was that impatience and a little bit of selfishness will get you nowhere. Relationships start out a game of chess and the moment you lose your patience and start charging full speed ahead, is when you get left out in the cold (no pun intended) especially with certain women. We come charging in like Knights, trying to get the Queen and then some. The next thing you know some Pawn like detail, derails us. Which leaves us with a need to get some sort of justification, as well as the feeling of approval and joy we seek, so hence you start doing crazy-ish like showing up without speaking to her, camping out in the cold, and trying to couch-surf.

As for the couch-surfing, you shouldn’t be upset that she told you to leave, if her rule is in-fact true, it says a lot about her, because if she was worth any and all of that trouble then you just work a bit harder so that you don’t get grouped with the boys or the men, then you might have been able to be naked with your socks on, lol.

Some women make it easy others make hard, either way you still have to make the correct moves. Ya Check! Good story!
http://counterfeitparadise.blogspot.com crystal

was part three written before or after you responded to april's comments?

i wonder how differently part three would've been written had april not responded to parts one and two?

creative li(e)cense much? lol

good post though.
http://www.virgoreppinwpforlife.blogspot.com asj

wow....good story...thats all i have to say.
http://www.Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

First, I don't like suspense, I waited until all 3 parts were posted so I could read them at once......LOL

Basically, both of you could have done things differently.

April was RUDE. She should have just sent you a text when she saw you repeatedly calling and knew she would be late.

Side Note: This is an expectation with instant communications. If this was pre-cellphone/text, everyone's actions would have been different.

Was I wrong for heading to April’s crib without talking to before I headed over?

Pre-cell phone/text, I would have said no you weren't wrong. Cell phone/text era, yes you were wrong.

However, it's your time so you're free to do whatever you want to do with your own time. You're not wrong for going over, but you are wrong for getting mad at her about waiting. Your choice.

Another side note: I'm one of those who believe that once something is confirmed, things are confirmed. Other people are different, so I go with the flow and reconfirm and expect confirmations at the last minute.

Did she owe me an excuse after I waited outside her crib for all that time? Or was she right; I wasn’t her man so her whereabouts were none of my business?

I think it was rude for her not to offer an explanation.

One test that I always use in male/female "friendships" is what would you do if the person was the same sex. Would your behavior be the same or different?

Speaking of friendship, this was more than a simple "friendship". Sounds like two people who were trying to feel each other out for future options. I would call it casually dating. Both of you were in denial.

Think about it, if it was truly just friends, "April" would not have had a problem telling you about her bad day.

What about April’s rule about not letting “boys” stay over? Should she have kicked me out at three in the morning just because of some rule about guys staying over? Or was it foul to give the boot to someone you knew for a while?

I have the same rule about random "boys" "sleeping" over.

Uninvited/unplanned sleepovers invade your time and space. What if you're an early riser and had things planned, now you can't go about your morning routine. You can't let someone stay over without giving them breakfast. Then, you can't just feed them and kick them out.

One casual sleep over turns into the whole next day's plans being changed.

Finally, while you may have had honest, good intentions, all guys don't. They would take her kindness as a sign of an invitation for more.

Her house rules set boundaries for her comfort in her own home.

Should I have taken my gift back when I got kicked or would that have been petty?

Taking the gift back would have been petty.

April (real name)
DiffNames

Yo Maine,

You right about all the checkmate shit... but the worst is when you get used like a Pawn, that shit is wack. Thats why you got to be on your toes with these woman and just be an asshole sometimes. Yo Socks, and all the folks out there like Socks, if she/he's not feeling you, there's nothing much you can do about it. Gifts, even if they from the heart aint going to cut it, you just digging a deeper hole for yourself. (insert music "Dig A Hole"-Jay-z")
trubian

Bro, Bruh Bro, it was all on you. I think you were feeling her way more than she was feeling you. If she felt more, she would have offered an explanation or compromise her rule about boys staying over. It seems as if you still haven't completely gotten over her. Like luda said " drink some prune juice and let that shit go". My golden rule, which keeps me one step ahead of the games that some chicks play: Attempt to love only those who allow you the opportunity to love them. Bro, Bruh, Bro--you never had a chance.
J

i think you should have given it to her on a day when the both of you we off or found someone to drop it off to her....."April" in my opinion is being a little too touchy, while this did happen in the past, she has to understand she may have her rules and regulations,her defensiveness will rob her of valuable friends. Do the math, Ans.....it was probably not advisable to go to her house with out comfirming she was there and yet it was not advisiable for her not to have called you ahead of time to tell you she was not going to be late....
Hope2Star

I’m glad we got to hear both sides of the story. I still think April was a bit of a bee-yotch (she was late because of another guy, didn't offer and explanation and still took the present) and the NWSO was a little silly (i know you thought you confirmed but why did you wait so long in the cold hahah). All folks have rules. I’m a woman and I’m sorry but what is with the “no men sleeping over” rule? I get that its for your safety but a man can be “unsafe” any hour of the day. If you are that worried about the guy why have him at your house anyway? Or why have him at your house til 12 or 3 AM what is the difference?
If I was April I would've just let him sleep on the couch and locked my bedroom door LOL. This was a good read especially the comments. Thanks
kristi

A few thoughts:

*I have a no sleepover rule too. I know what's going on when I am awake. When I am asleep, I do not so dudes I don't trust have to go home or elsewhere. I can't let anyone's inconvenience take priority over my safety and comfort in my own home. She didn't completely trust you for whatever reason.

*It's the chick's house. She can set the rules for where she lives no matter how ludicrous (which this one isn't to me. Read the male responses on here. Most respect her attention to her own safety.) Socks knew the rules AND she reminded him that it was getting late. He played himself thinking she liked him enough to make him an exception. I think every dude that's ever come by my home has thought he was worthy of an exception too.

*No question: she should have called/texted when she knew she'd be late. It was rude that she didn't and says a lot about how she felt about you.

*The response to 'where were you?" was obvious. Did you just want to hear her say, "I was with another man." That you kept pestering her about it months later is a little weird.

*I think this is a classic case of "she's just not that into you" and you didn't take the hints very well during or after.

*fact: you're still not over her.

*she's pissed in that comment. this blog series probably ruined your friendship with her. Sorry.
http://www.nakedwithsockson.com NakedWithSocksOn.com

Kristi,

Thanx for the insight. really good stuff. Despite the drama this post caused I think it was good for me at least in terms it let me look at my own errant actions way back when and even patterns I find myself in (but they make for good blogs LOL)

But as for the part where you say: "*The response to 'where were you?" was obvious. Did you just want to hear her say, "I was with another man." That you kept pestering her about it months later is a little weird."

Getting no response at all doesn't make anything obvious to me. I had no idea where she was or with whom, I take folks on face value until they show/prove other. She said she had a meeting, who am I to assume she was smudging details. If she had said right then and there that i was with so-and-so I would have been slightly offended, but at least i would have had an answer rather than left to think the worst. And while I was partly wrong for being there without confirmation, In the end, my issue and the post came down to a respect factor. Even if she lied, that would have been better than saying nothing to me.

As for the "pestering" I never did that in the story or in real life. As was written in part 2, I asked, she said I don't want to talk about it and I bit my tongue. And in part 3, the truth just came out in random conversation with no prodding from me. So I don't see that as pestering. I always wanted an answer and it eventually came to me.
Shoegal

Firstly, NWSO I love your blog. I'm totally addicted. Secondly, here's the thing. Without railroading April I think this needs to be said. She was wrong and that is why she is still so salty about this.

Here's how she was wrong:

I have an "uh... meeting" when I read that, I totally thought she has a date before she's meeting him. But fine, having the date beforehand nothing wrong with that. Here's where it got sticky. To schedule to link up with you knowing you were bringing her a present on a day that she already has plans to meet another guy was just in poor taste.

She should have picked another day for you to drop off the present. And to have a "meeting" with an ex before you're meeting a friend is obviously a recipe for disaster. She should have seen her possibly being late and frustrated coming a mile away. I have never had a sit down with an ex that didn't wind up dredging up some sort of issues for one of the both of us. So, why even put yourself in a position where whatever happened in your past relationship would roll over into a possible relationship but definite friendship that you have now that is in good standing. Why take the chance that you will screw up your chances with someone new because you just saw your ex that DAY. That was just not a good idea.

And she should own that she created that part of the situation. Secondly, you two were still in the early stages of feeling out a possible relationship. If she was unclear about how she felt about you she shouldn't have accepted a present from you. I don't mean after you took it to her house. When you called her and said you got her something she should have said then. " That is so sweet and I really appreciate it but I can't accept a present from you right now." Here's why she shouldn't have accepted. Seems like you two were friends beforehand but you were obviously getting her something as more than a friend. It seems very plausible that she didn't want to be more than friends or maybe she wasn't sure if she did or didn't. By accepting a present from you enthusiastically no less it's sending the message that perhaps there was something more between you two. Why would that be a problem? Well, you can't play both sides against the middle. If you have a guy friend and he is a good person (someone you could possibly see yourself with) you have to choose whether you want to explore more or keep him as a friend. It sounds like from this blog and my own experiences as a woman that April was trying to do both. Another recipe for disaster.

As for you taking the present to her house. I do agree that you inconvenienced yourself and that you can't really be angry at the other person when you go above and beyond. She did not ask you to do this but she also didn't ask you not to. You texted her numerous times and you two were friends beforehand. Nine times out of ten if you had been one of April's girlfriends bringing her a present she would have called or texted you before you even left work to tell you not to bother. But because she was trying to conceal from you that she was out with another guy she didn't. If she hadn't been trying to conceal this, she could have avoided this situation. I also think that she showed up upset and flustered because she didn't want you asking questions about it and as a friend of hers who did something very thoughtful for her she should have had enough consideration for you to just admit she was wrong and cop to the truth. After all she did create this hazy mess.

I don't believe that it didn't occur to her that you might show up with the present anyway because you two did make plans for that day and she was supposed to be home way before you got there. When you make plans with a friend of the same sex and confirm earlier in the day, you don't wait around for them to confirm again before you go. You go meet them. So, why would she think it wasn't even a possibility that you would still go to her house with a present that you told her you were bringing to her so she wouldn't have to lug it. If she really didn't think about it she wasn't thinking about you and that's not very friend like. You don't just disregard your friends especially when they're doing something nice for you.

I won't even go into the house rule of no guys sleeping over that aren't your boyfriend. That is a personal choice and I can understand that. Also, this was such an avoidable mess before that even came into play I don't feel like it's even worth going into. Although, I feel pretty horrible about you having to take three trains home anytime after 11:30, that's just me. My vehicle is the number 2 train and it's moody, late, and easy to miss, so any story that involves having to take the train late gets tons of sympathy.

But I will go into April using this forum as a way to go back and forth with you about this. That was unneccessary. She could have addressed that with you separately. Yes, she wanted to defend herself. Why, because she is guilty and still feels guilty. So to combat this guilt it was important for her to say essentially "you did this to yourself." Honestly, to that i would say, "No, April. You did this to yourself." And at the end of the day you have to admit that you could have avoided this. The only reason why you wrote a rebuttal for this was because you still feel badly about the way it turned out and you didn't want the faithful readers to think of you in a bad light. But none of the readers would have known who you were. The judgement that happened here was you judging yourself. Not a great reflection of yourself you saw in the mirror. Huh?

This blog is literature. The character in the story was based on real events but was not neccessarily you. By getting on this blog and basically going off about this. You gave the character a body and a personality. Before it was just a story, but you made it into a story about you. As a woman I have to say the fellas aren't the only ones half steppin. Sometimes it's us. On that day when you responded about this, you were half steppin. Let's all just be real and admit when we're wrong. He did.
Shoegal

Also, I'm really surprised that no one else said what I said which makes me think because April chimed in and seemed pretty upset. No one wanted to make her feel vulnerable or go back in forth with her. Which is honorable and dope.

But... I don't think it's cool that Naked wound up getting all this flack. There were two people involved in this situation. Neither one is wholly to blame. Although in my opinion April could have nipped this situation in the bud before it even got to Naked waiting in the cold and possibly needing to furnish an explanation to him as to why. That's my opinion, but ladies let's get off our women solidarity and look at the situation at face value. Before sleeping over even got to be a part of this what April did just wasn't considerate. Many of us have done things similar to this. It's cool to admit that it wasn't right. Sometimes a situation goes way differently than we intend. Doesn't mean you have to act like you played no part in the mayhem.

I wonder how different the comments would had been if April had stayed a character in the story instead of becoming an actual person.

Kristi, I think you were a little harsh. It's obviously become a sensitive subject. Was it really necessary to say, "fact: You're still not over her" or "this blog series probably ruined your friendship?"
Goodie

Hilariaous. All of it.
I think the issue here is that most people do not have a firm grip on the word friendship. You were not her friend. You were an associate, who became a potential suitor. That dude never gets an explanation, and he never gets the kindness of the couch. Ever!
http://www.blackfemmefatale.wordpress.com jolie

Ok.. this is my take on the whole thing.

You were being thoughtful by bringing the bulky gift to her. It does seem as though she was hinting that she didnt want you coming over prior to the Christmas vacay and that you were probably more into her than she into you BUT she wanted to be greedy and get the gift.. The day you made plans I feel as though if she saw you calling and texting she should have responded and said .. "somethings come up ..this isnt a good day" since she had previously agreed to meet you. I know that I wouldnt have wanted to go all the way back with the bulky gift so I would have probably waited around as well. ..
If I were her and I had all this extraness going on and knew I wasnt that into you.. I would have never accepted the gift .. end of story...
I'm going to have to read back through the comments now .. seems like part 2 got interesting..

just found your blog.. I love it!
http://www-eyeswideshut.blogspot.com LyRik

Ok, I know I am so late to responding, and I wasn't involved with the pacts, but since you moved addresses I don't get the whole feed on my BlkBrry anymore, I have to actually come to the webpage to read the whole blog and respond.

Since I read everyones post I am responding... Sorry.

First off I agree with what a lot of people said.

I understand "April's" rule because I have a similar rule, except I just don't let guys come to my house unless we're friends (real friends).

Now you mentioned in Part 1, that you and April were friends privvy to your dates. Also in Part 2 you reiterated it. So my thinking is if you guys were/are really friends "why wouldn't she let you crash on the couch?" (i know I will probably not get the answer to this) Socks, did you see her as a friend, but it wasn't recipricated? It seems like both of you guys perceive your relationship differently. Even after her outburst, and the way she was depicted in the latter conversation that you guys had years later. Does she really see you as the friend you see her as?

This is for "April" if she is still reading. Clearly from his POV and yours you weren't feeling him like that , so why didn't you just let him know that "you weren't that into him?"

Socks, I think at the very least she could have sent you a txt or something. The fact that she couldn't notify you after you guys made plans tells me that she didn't care about you back then (and I wonder if she cares about you now), because if you care about people, common courtesy would have told you to give notification.

I do respect that April stuck to her guns, but I question the reasoning behind it. I do understand her need to tell her side of the story, but the way that she put it out there was foul and again it makes me question the loyalty in ya'll "friendship."

I'm glad you let her keep the gift, anything else would have been petty.

On a side note Socks, you were clowned so I am hoping you were somewhere in your early 20's or prior when this situaion occurred. I won't front, I would have definitely felt like you were a stalker if you pulled something like that on me, but judging from your POV you was looking at the situation from an emotional stand point. I also believe that the signs were there, for you to see that April wasn't feeling you like that, but hey we can all have our "eyes wide shut" at times, people in general tend to see what they want not what is actually going on. I really hope that you learned from this situation, all 3 parts, because clearly there was no closure up until part 2.

I need to end this because I feel like a Psych.

What Crystal said crossed my mind also, and I think that had April not responded, part 3 would have something completely different entailed. I feel like in part 1 and 2 you were being more honest with no limitations to your honesty, but Aprils unexpected response rattled your perception of honesty....

LyRiK
CC

Yes, it isn't proper for a single woman to let a man sleep over according to some book of etiquette written in 1411, but what does that have to do with safety? Assuming you were some dormant psycho, if she let a you in, she's already in the danger zone. Did she think if she was awake she could take you, but the minute she fell asleep you'd have the advantage!? She lost that once she closed the door. By the way, by any standard making plans with someone and then canceling them without notifying that person is rude. However, expecting someone who has already flaked on you to show up, much less on time, is silly. When people show you who they are, believe them! And then to get upset and start demanding explanations of where she was, now that's 2 kinds of crazy!
LOL. We've all been there though on both sides.