Is Kissing More Intimate Than Sex?

0 Posted by - January 7, 2009 - Relationships, Love & Marriage

 

lipstick_redball

Over the course of the past few years I’ve heard some women say that kissing is more intimate than sex. Their argument typically is that being face-to-face and tongue wrestling with someone is way more personal than inserting your penis in them. No matter how many times I’ve heard it, that statement always perplexes me. Maybe it’s because I have a penis, but I don’t get how smooching holds more weight than intercourse. I mean, isn’t kissing the traditional precursor to sex and not the other way around? Maybe I’m naive but I never heard of a first kiss happening after two people bumped uglies.

For me, the basic laws of courtship follow the standard baseball analogy that denotes that lip locking is first base and sex is a home run. (I always forget what second and third base are). So unless someone changed the rules of the game, I don’t see how one gets to any of the subsequent bases without tagging first base first. You’re not supposed to be able to score without rounding all the bases, otherwise folks would be hitting home runs every at bat and that sounds a bit boring to me.

Honestly, I need kissing to have proper sex. Sure I can do it without swapping spit; but where’s the fun in that? I’m about passion and kissing is an important part of expressing that to a partner. So having sex without kissing is like doing it with my hands tied behind my back—take smooching out the equation and you’re just messing up my groove.

I remember this one time in college me and this girl Tina were messing around and about to get down when I went to kiss her. She stopped me and said she only kissed guys she was in a relationship with because it was “too intimate.” Mind you this was right before we were about to do the deed, so that just threw me for a loop. We wound up having sex but it just didn’t feel right without kissing. Out of instinct and natural desire, I kissed her during the act and Tina obliged me briefly but I could tell she definitely wasn’t into kissing. That was definitely a turnoff. It’s like if you ain’t gonna kiss me, then don’t bother doing me. We hooked one more time but I couldn’t deal with the no kissing thing and the last time was our last time.

No offense to Tina or any woman like her, but that no kissing thing sounded a lot like some prostitute shit to me. What I mean by that is I’ve seen documentaries and heard stories where hookers say they’ll do any and every thing with their Johns but the golden rule is always no kissing. That’s the one thing they save for their personal life/relationships. I’m sorry, but if you’re willing to take it in the ass in an alley and slob on random penises for a living, kissing you is the last thing on my to-do list. Just to reiterate, I’m not knocking any woman for wanting to kiss who they want when they want, but to put it on a higher plateau then intercourse? Someone’s gonna have to explain that one to me.

So what gives with no kissing, ladies? What’s your rationale behind the belief that kissing is more intimate? Do women that view kissing as the ultimate form of intimacy only sleep with men they kiss? Or do they sleep with guys they don’t even like and just kiss the ones they do? Or were the women that’ve told me they don’t kiss just not that into me? Fellas, any of y’all ever heard the same thing from a woman? What was your response? Can you have sex without kissing? Do any guys have a similar rule where they won’t kiss chicks they’re not into but will still sleep with them?

Speak your piece…

no-kissing-5-miles

  • http://www.Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

    As you stated, “no kissing is a lot like some prostitute shit”.

    I don’t get it either.

    I think some guys are the same way too.

    I knew a guy that wanted to get with me, but I couldn’t do it because of limited kissing.

    At first I thought he was just bad at foreplay, but then I thought he really wasn’t feeling me like that but still wanted to do it.

    It never happened with him.

    • Antonet

      lol a guy like that doesn’t deserve sex, what a jerk

  • Liv

    coming from a lady (who hasnt had relations in almost 2 years and has only slept with one guy while knocking on thirty) that sounds like madness! the truth is you want to know b4 having sex with someone that they are feeling you. even if its just for the moment. no kiss means no passion, no desire, no no where do u think ur putting that thing. u want to know that someone at least LIKES u before engaging in sex. otherwise, my guess is u would feel exactly like a john. someone who’s engaged in a physical act where emotions are not involved. kissing initiates a more intimate moment (to me). how you feel is very important when having sex, and kisses can most definitely heighten the level of intimacy. my guess is if ole girl didnt treat ur interaction as a transaction you both would have experienced more satisfaction! ;-)

  • Eblu

    First, to answer the post question, kissing is more intimate in my opinion. Some have made a profession out of bumping uglies and that is not at all intimate. The reason I say it’s more intimate is because most times you are face to face, eye to eye, lip to lip, tongue to tongue. You are taking in each others’ breath and swapping love liquid. In this position, you are forced to look at each other. It’s like this person is the only thing on your mind at that moment. Ok, I’m a bit of a romantic. Kissing is the best way to relate how you really feel about someone and I’m not talking about a quick peck.

    Now, if the kissing is sub par, it’s pretty likely that we will not be doing the lateral mambo. Bad kissing is a real turnoff and I would never put myself in the babymaking position if I didn’t like the person.

    I don’t see how you can do the deed and not kiss. That is just, WEIRD!

    • hay

      I agree

  • Anonymous

    Being sexually liberated, I for one do not need kissing to keep the passion. Kissind is very personal

    • Bob

      I disagree, kissing is what makes sex the bomb

  • J-Tall

    Kissing for me is needed to stay with someone…i’m talking to get the real passion going on.

    Having shared lips with a few (safe I pray still), I can say 3 instant reductions (literally) are 1)not kissing, 2) that bird peck shit that little lip/thin lip people do (or those scared or not into kissing) and 3) being told not to kiss in the morning… the third I’ve decided will not get any future play. the 2nd i pray i never have my lips fall prey to pecks again. the first, damn as good ass it gets we can’t go far however it won’t reduce me as quick as 2.

    I’d add that for me personally, with the use and yes need (“sigh”) for condoms kissing is really needed to keep the tall man firm, otherwise…dead it.

    regarding the “friendly game of baseball” I think most dudes game could go for some tightening up …Kissing is a way of getting the bases loaded. A true home run for women (in my view and for those ladies who are open and willing and frustrated with the standard 1 run and game over) is bases loaded and bottom of the ninth (not 8,7,6,5,4,3,2 or 1), batter up and she serves a straight shot which one shouldn’t be missed (from the back mmm), knock it outta the atmosphere and the screams of the crowd are long and steady while (her) rains are pouring down hard and heavy. That my friend is the way I believe most women (would) like to play baseball however most cats are so out of shape/lazy/selfish unwilling team players or cultivated to only play with video games they can’t even get past the first inning much less a man on plate. lol that probably inspired by hearing busta break down ham on “untitled” last night.

    appreciating your posts and dialogue manifesting…ONE and love

  • K-Love

    I personally think that kissing is intimate. And its not about being a prostitute. If I am seeing someone and the urge for sex comes up not once does a kiss on the lips cross my mind. It is what it is…sex. Im woman enough to admit that. Now to add in kissing to the equation will cause unnecessary feelings and someone ends up hurt. I believe that kissing should be saved for love making, if we are both there to just do the do, there are lot more things you can put your mouth on to keep the helmeted german standing. Kissing is a distraction, and I don’t particularly need it to reach my destination.

    • Willam

      there’s going to be allot of people who will disagree with you

      • Manny

        I know what you mean, you have my thumbs up on that one.

    • Maryanne

      I think kissing is a very important part of sex even if its just a one night stand. Good luck on finding a partner who will agree with you, no offence.

  • J-Tall

    should be “selfish unwilling to be team players…” sorry

  • K-Love

    Now if we sneak a kiss in everynow and then during sex, that is cool. Im not just gonna be slobbing you down in anyway way if I know this is what it is. Now i can’t speak for others but i enjoy kissing and head, so i save those for the man who I intend to be with. My current beau has no complaints…We had sex before our first kiss. I guess you can say i like to try my shoes on before I buy them.

  • http://www.loveloleeta.blogspot.com JessyRod

    Once a dude I was randomly feeling flipped because I stole a drunken kiss after a party. I didn’t get it. Still don’t. *shrug*

  • J-Tall

    funny i’ve been hearing a lot about women wanting to just do the do, keep it basic…I’m a bit concerned…but i also know the pendulum swings in both directions before finding a middle line. a recent (now ex) lover proclaimed “look all the other stuff (kissing the lower lips and upper to an extent) just puts my heart into it so just keep it basic”, similiar to K-love and others. I re-evaluated my/our relationship and decided that if I’m loving/sexing with my heart open even if I’m not looking for a committed relationship and the other isn’t/can’t love the same then I’m out. its wack…somethings missing.

    Having lived some 30+ odd years so far and 10+ plus odd experience with sex I’ve gone from heart open loving to heart closed loving and back to even middle line loving with heart and head open and aware. Hearing more sisters talk about heart closed/non-intimate loving where a head job is less intimate than kissing, it’s feeling like I’m talking to dudes who prefer to just get head and fuck the fucking as it is too much work invested (most not all of these cats are just on a come through tip which I don’t knock but damn it (head) is just not enough for me). I guess i’m moving on in a different direction. I don’t know but i do know this i need it want it (kissing) more in fact than a head job or other jobs.

    Maybe I’m moving in a way closer to a mate for child situation…hmmm…this has made me think deeply…thanks. ps don’t get it twisted oral loving is GREAT!!! on an after thought I realize i like balance…I give your receive and vice versa…chicks who like to receive head but don’t or can’t give…immediate suspect for any long term relationship and defintely short term come thru’s. chicks who won’t kiss but will give head…i get it but its not enough even on a come thru… As a brother of color into primarily women of same, I love ya’ll lips and damn they deserve to be touched…but hearts get open…as clearly stated in previous posts.

    random related info: kemetic/chinese the heart manifests externally with the tongue. this ones more chinese, the spleen (controling muscle and strength of muscle) manifests in the lips. think about it.

  • DiffNames

    Socks, “What I mean by that is I’ve seen documentaries and heard stories where hookers say…” sound kinda suspect to me, lol…

    Kissing is an important part of intimacy. I mean you kind of answered that yourself by saying it didn’t feel right beating shorty without kissing. But the true question is if a chick is NOT going to kiss you will she still give head? Think about it? Ladies (the ones that don’t like to be kissed during sex)?

  • DJ CEO

    It’s so funny you wrote about this today, because I was just talking about this with a friend. Many women do seem to place kissing on a higher level than sex and I myself wondered why. When I looked at it, kissing is very, very personal. It does carry a lot of weight within the realm of intimacy. In todays time, when even women are looking for J.O’s as oppose to a relationship you have to wonder how priorities have changed. It’s like sex is just sex and now kissing is making love. Weird I know. I personally can’t have sex without kissing.

  • duepayer

    First off, kudos on the new design.

    Secondly, given the fact that I have more “jumpoff” situations on my resume than actual relationships, I know this rule all too well. I respect and understand the fact that they view kissing is an intimate act and want to reserve it for a significant other. It works well in “cutty buddy” situations where you want to keep lust and love separate. Kissing and other overly affectionate gestures can blur that line and break the code of conduct so to speak. So if you’re just in the situation just for the pleasure, I agree that there shouldn’t be any kissing involved.

  • Hope2Star

    This is very interesting. It opened my eyes on this subject and I understand how some can have the “no kissing” rule. But I have to agree with Eblu. Kissing is very intimate to me and so is sex (i’m not the ” its just sex” type). IMHO you can’t have one without the other. WOW i love this blog and the comments!

  • righteous mama

    I think it’s sad how kissing has become a dying artform in our relationships. When you’re having no strings attached sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with, kissing is just too intimate for some people. A good kiss def sends me on a high similiar to a great orgasm. But people make up rules of what they will and want do to protect their vulnerability.

    You would think sex is the ultimate intimate act but sadly that has changed. Nowadays people seem to just be screwing around and then wonder why nothing more meaningful develops. (speaking for myself here too)

    Right about now, I’m all about someone I can kiss as much as I like. So tired of just getting screwed.

  • Maine

    This post reminds me of Pretty Woman which I was watching the other night, being that Julia Roberts aka Vivian the streetwalker had the same rule of thumb for Richard Gear. My thoughts are a bit in the gray/shade area. I think kissing is intimate, important and if done well can lead to some great sex. But by all things that involve human interaction different levels involve different meaning. Kissing my grandma isn’t the same as kissing my girl. So hence sexing my wife/girl is going to involve a different level of intimacy and care than some interaction with “those drunken hot girls” (jimmy’d up of course), so she may get the ‘pipe’ but not the parade. In the end, I think the kissing rule is a person-by-person basis on how you feel about the individual at hand, and with sex morphing into multiple categories throughout time i.e. for reproduction, pleasure, and for profit. It isn’t a shock that some pretty women and dudes still save kissing for the parade, and not at the peepshow.

  • http://www.nakedwithsockson.com NakedWithSocksOn.com

    Pretty Woman, that’s what it was. I knew I heard about the kissing thing somewhere, thought it was one of those Hookers on the Point documentary, but it was Pretty Woman.

    So there you go DiffNames with your “suspect” comment. :P

  • ME

    Being a female i dont understand how a woman can sleep with a man and not kiss. That is bogus to me for sure. However, i was with my ex for 2 1/2 years and we kissed maybe once a week, we were intimate everyday but he was just not into kissing. I dunno he just didnt like it. I dealt with it but at the end of our relationship it was definately something i was missing. So i dunno i guess people just have their different prefrences on it but i definately think it takes something away from the bedroom if you dont kiss!

  • ~bs~

    Just wanted to add a few words;….I thought I was alone on this..but I see I have company… I had a brief encounter and I thought he was gonna be a keeper…after 5 dates, i realized it was doomed. He pecked me on my cheek and hugged me when he would arrive and leave and that was it…I told him that we should be friends; he asked “why?”…It bothered me that we could knock boots and never know the flavor of each other’s mouth. I wanted to break it off, cause although he was cool, the boots didnt quite fit all that well and it was beginning to seem like a waste of time…

  • VOD

    I agree with you wholeheartedly NWSO. That has always boggled my mind. I think kissing and sex are both very intimate.

    Nothing else to say; you said it for me.

  • V-Lo

    I find that if any woman thinks that kissing is more intimate than sex they are bullshxtting. Now there are diffeent typre of kissing, for different situations. The kissing you do before you make love with a lover is different than the kissing you do with a fkkbuddy. Kissing is one of the most natural things, like sex is. Sex can in no way be less intimate than kissing. Even if you are a prositute or a porn star, it still deals with emotion. Even if you don’t think about it afterwards, there is a piece of your emotional self that is used everytime you have sex.

    Look at it this way. Do you feel more guilty issing someone that you barely know of having sex with someone that you barely know?

    • Manny

      There are men who think that way too.

  • CS

    As a woman, I do agree that kissing is more personal and intimate than sex. Let’s not confuse lovemaking with sex people. Hello! it is 2009 and fellas don’t act like every woman you have sex with you love or wanna wife. The difference with lovemaking and sex is how strongly you feel for that person. Kissing is passionate so if you’re just banging someone, what’s the need for kissing? 9 times out of 10 you probably won’t have sex again with that person, and if you do, A. you’ll soon get tired of it, B. maybe you’ll actually start to like that person and if its reciprocated then kissing will ensue, or C. You’ll move on to the next prospect. Now when your in love or really feeling another, then you wanna give your all and not some half assed booty. Sex is, just that, sex, specifically intercourse, and lovemaking encompasses much more.

    • Manny

      I do NOT agree with you

  • La Professora Hielo

    I really can’t explain what it is about kissing that makes me just want to melt. Good sex of course can make me melt too (well make me cum actually) but there’s just something about a kiss. Maybe it’s because every guy doesn’t like to do it that makes it something special (once stopped dating someone bc they didn’t like to kiss too…it ruined everything..)

    I think it’s also that as we get older, we don’t care so much about 1st, 2nd and 3rd bases, it’s all about the home run and for some, just about the home run (get in, get off, get out), sad, but true. So, when the chance comes for a really good make out session or some extra hot four play, as a woman, (and bc our bodies aren’t always all the way satisfied from JUST sex) the other bases are quite pleasing…..

    There’s just something about it….

  • Soul2Soul_02

    Kissing is very sensual and intimate. It sets the stage for sex. I won’t say its more intimate than sex. It’s wierd not being able to kiss someone during, after, or before sex. I think its crazy to say I don’t kiss people whom I’m not in a relationship with. Smash is Smash People!

  • Lonias Gilmore

    J-Tall touches on what I’m about to say:
    a recent (now ex) lover proclaimed “look all the other stuff (kissing the lower lips and upper to an extent) just puts my heart into it so just keep it basic

    I actually think that this topic points to a really sad trend: the further separation of sex from love and intimacy. Women who say that kissing is more intimate than sex, in my opinion, are actually just trying to convince themselves that they are different from the way all women are wired. Women are wired to equate sex with a promise, intimacy, the L-word (God-forbid don’t say it above a whisper!!!)…
    A kiss is NOT more intimate than sex. Sex SHOULD NOT be had without some kissing. What we are discussing here is a defense mechanism women are using to protect themselves from potential emotional harm. All I know is…I’m not giving in to this madness!

  • SonGbIrD

    Kissing someone is a deep connection much like lovemaking should be. but i can tell you right now if i know all we are doing is kicking it on a booty call level and we arent kissing and then all of sudden after a while that weve been kicking it on that level you just sneak that in on me one night while in the midst im gonna catch feelings i know how to seperate my feelings from the “DO” if i know thats all we are doing but if you kiss me and the sex is already off the chain im gonna catch feelings. kissing is intimate, kissing is something you do when you are reaLly feeling someone it should be up therE with lovemaking but its not. this is a really great blog its got me thinking right now. im in that situation where the sex is off the chain we dont kiss and now ive recently been kissed by this person i dont have feelings for him yet but if he decides to kiss me like that again im not sure how im gonna feel about him anymore. wow!!!!

  • hanna

    i’m going to add my comment b4 reading the others so as not to lose my point or be influenced? imo, sex and making love is 2 different things. as sad as the state of affairs are for Black couples, jump offs exists and sometimes are much needed. jo’s only satisfies the physical needs of sex. i repeat: jump offs only satisfies the physical needs of sex and as adults making mature decisions, we’re allowed to do that.

    Making love is just that – making love, connecting with someone on a deeper level and yes kissing does that. kissing is a very passionate act in itself as it leads to fondling, cuddling, smiling, laughing, sharing, etc. those things are reserved for someone you truly care about or want to get to know better. not a jump off you want to get your rocks off with, that’s alls i’m saying!

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com Hannah

    @Hanna

    that just made my head explode.

    Sex is an intimate act whether you’re feeling the person on some true love isht or some human propelled vibrator action. You can’t get around it.

    It seems stupid to take good stuff like kissing off the menu for the sake of some compartmentalization. I think the mature thing is to own up to what you want or don’t want from the situation and be honest from the get go. Then you guys can shag/kiss/bump each other’s brains out without doing the whole using you vs wifing (sp?)you
    dance.

    Honestly, sex should be an act of mutual kindness whether there’s heart involved or not. If I don’t like or respect the person I’m about to fuck, then maybe I shouldn’t fuck them. I’d be damned if I’d lay down with a man who wouldn’t kiss me, especially if he started spouting that virgin/whore madness.

    I mean, really?

    There is no difference between sex and making love. The difference is whether you’re fucking like a grown person or acting like you’re still in high school. Grown people own that sex comes with responsibility and some of that responsibility is to communicate your needs/desires/intentions from the gate and proceed accordingly.

    • Antonet

      I like your statement better then Hanna’s statement. I always believe that whether you are in love or having a good time, you should always respect your partner like a human being. I totally agree with that. 

  • Hope2Star

    Amen to Hanna and Hannah. I have a question for the folks who think kissing is more intimate…so does that mean that kissing another person while you’re in a relationship is a bigger offense then having sex with another person?

    • Antonet

      good point

  • http://www.nakedwithsockson.com NakedWithSocksOn.com

    excellent question, Hope.. I may have to make that a whole other post :)

  • http://narcolepticeloquence.blogspot.com msNarcelo

    “No offense to Tina or any woman like her, but that no kissing thing sounded a lot like some prostitute shit to me.” I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! That’s absurd! I love kissing…and the do ain’t getting done without it…that’s for damn sure!

    I just don’t see how kissing is more intimate that actually having another person INSIDE you…

    this world is so backwards….

    • Antonet

      I agree too, kissing is apart of sex, and I think they are both intimate. 

  • http://www.theworldaccordingto151.blogspot.com 151

    my whole thing is that nothing is more intimate and personal than the act that normally would lead to procreation and the creation of a life. More ppl would get upset that someone else smashed out their s/o than kissed.

  • http://www.virgoreppinwpforlife.blogspot.com asj

    kissin is a really passionate thing. its a main ingredient…like how can go about havin sex w/out it? i dont think it is above sex but it is very sensual and personal

  • MZ VOODOO

    I agree with asj kissing is passionate. How can you have sex without “passion” and EMOTIONS? Yes, kissing is initimate. You can have that “one night stand sex”, without emotions, but kissing requires that passion.

  • ivi

    sex without kissing is to me very lonely. If I’m going to have sex with someone its a rare, rare occasion it with someone I’m trying to spend a substantial amount of time with. Like you wrote…”that no kissing thing sounded a lot like some prostitute shit to me”. Gosh, I could have sworn I heard that line on the old documentary Hookers at the Point. I know we’ve all gotten hurt at some point in dealing with each other but please don’t resort to putting your emotions on ice. How can you really fully indulge and fully satisfy both of your emotional and physical needs if you can even be free to feel each other totally because your too busy protecting your face making sure dude doesn’t sneak a kiss. Whats the purpose of being naked if your too busy adding layers?

    • Antonet

      I believe its more hurtful when kissing is not involved. 

  • http://iamtheperfectstorm.blogspot.com Perfect Storm

    How a man kisses you tells you so much about him. You can tell how aggressive, creative and/or daring he is. It’s essential and very intimate.

  • DirtySoufYankee

    @SonGbIrD I agree

  • Chocolate Chiq

    Although, not every woman is the same, I have to agree with some of the females who have already responded. Kissing pretty much guarantees intimacy whereas sex does not (for many women, intimacy is more important that the act of sex).

    As far as the “that no kissing thing sounded a lot like some prostitute shit to me” comment, simply put you are not a woman…

    Great blog!

  • older & wiser

    There is no way he will hit a homer without touching all the bases and sometimes he may have to stay on bases 1-3 for several innings before sliding into home base!

    Kissing is the warmup, if he doesn’t have the stamina to round the bases he won’t last the whole game with me.

    Even baseball players have to round the bases when they hit the ball out of the park before coming “home”!!

    P.S.
    It is sad to read that some won’t play by the rules of the baseball game just to jump to home base, tsk, tsk.

  • Ms_Philadelphia

    I have to agree.. No kissing but sexing is prostitute shit… that goes up there right along with “BJ’s being the NEW kiss goodnight” (It was on Dateline.. no lie.. Teen-aged girls no less).

    It reminds me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman… she wouldnt kiss her “John’s” … So what are you really trying to say when its ok to “bump uglies” *giggles* but not touch lips? That’ll be $50? smh

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    I believe you can set rules like “No kissing during sex” to take some level of passion out of sex. My thing is why would you want to? Maybe its easier for me to have passionate sex without catching feelings ,but sex IMO is better with the passion than without. Why get less out of sex? Unless you really cant separate emotional-less intercourse from the emotional kind.

  • BangShang

    I believe kissing determines how passionate the sex will be.

  • Anonymous

    Question: If you look at someone and think “I bet they would be hot in bed” and look at someone else and think “If I could just kiss them; or I could spend a day kissing them” – do these require to different levels of intimacy? I don’t feel it’s about distinguishing the validity of intimacy. Each act simply show how you feel about that person. Not saying whether I agree or disagree with sex without kissing but that situations seems to dictate an appreciation for the body beneath you while a kiss “intimates” the “person” behind the action. Even when it comes to simple greetings – a kiss requires acknowlegdement of the person (kiss cheek to cheek, kiss an aunt hello on the cheek, kissing mama and daddy and lil bits good night). So “bumping uglies” without kissing seems more of a value rather than an intimacy issue.

    Sorry for the late repyl but I sort of stumbled on this site two days ago and am making my way through all the blogs. I have read through maybe half the site but this is the first I felt drawn to respond to.

    I really appreciate your writing, NWSO.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Anonymous

    Appreciate you checking things out and joining the convo, albeit late. LOL

  • Shiva

    I’m 26 and actually I’m beginning to think the opposite: women don’t find kissing to be intimate or special at all. I’d be considered a good looking guy and I know I have my moments of being very charming surely, BUT I’ve noticed this trend in my love life currently that confuses me to no end…where I find it very common to make out with a girl and the connection is all there the first night (great conversation and chemistry, obvious mutual physical attraction, sexual tension etc), but for some reason the next time I go to initiate with them, I get completely avoided. Its got to be the single most unusual thing I can think of right now in my adventures in dating.

    I’d like to think that sober women wouldn’t MAKE OUT with a guy they aren’t into in the first place. Am I wrong?See, back in my earlier days of dating–prior to my 20’s–a drawn out kissing session generally was somewhat of a contract in the sense that if you went that far, you were genuinely interested enough to continue that interaction and see if it builds further. I think this new feminine phenomenon in my life has a lot to do with my generation being perpetually stuck in “college mode”. Its a certain indecisiveness and unwillingness to commit to any particular feeling…even if its enjoyable and genuine. I honestly start to believe many women my age are unnerved by a man who displays even a minuscule amount of direct interest and intelligence about the whole thing. I say this because I keep seeing women getting with and marrying two types of guys these days–either its those dudes who kinda have this ape-like physique (big belly, proportionately small legs and a bald head) or dudes who look very non-threatening and display an indescribable nothing-ness to their overall being. Usually these guys are named Brian or Tyler or something. 

    I am actually gonna say this..I miss high school, where the mixed signals were at a minimum. Play a little hard to get for a bit etc. but once that kiss happens…you guys start becoming an “item”. It was a fairly linear process and dammit it was so much less dysfunctional lol. 

  • Kandy Kane

    My “friend with benefits” from college and I recently hooked up again for the first time in about ten years.  It was a bit awkward, and at first I couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was.  The next day, upon reflection, I realized we hadn’t kissed at all.  I mentioned it to him, and he said he’s not into kissing.  He prefers to stay emotionally detached.  I’m not sure if that means he’s afraid I’ll fall in love with him (which is ridiculous) or what.  I thought I’d be okay with it, but I don’t think I am.  I need to feel some sort of connection with the guy I’m sleeping with.  Otherwise, I might as well stick with my vibrator.

  • Anastasia

    I’m a woman, and I met a man who wanted to sleep with me with out kissing me. I felt angry because I felt like he was disrespecting me. I’m surprised women think this way too. I always thought women liked to be kissed during intercourse and men thought the opposite. I guess it depends on the person. My question is what is the point of having sex if kissing can’t be involved.  

  • Mumma326

    Sex with out kissing is empty to me, and it can be hurtful at times. I’m a passionate kind of person. I’m not the type person who can have meaningless one night stands. I need to feel I’m worth more then just a fling. When a guy tells me he wants to have sex with out kissing, I feel used. Personally I think kissing and sex should be special. 

  • Mary maven

    I feel hurt when a man I like, tells me he just wants to have sex and not kiss me. It makes me cry sometimes. And it makes me feel used. I can’t even look at couples kiss anymore. It just reminds me of what I don’t have. The man I’m with tells me he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t give me any affection, he doesn’t even take his clothes off. He just sticks his penis out. Like I’m a whore. He doesn’t even want me to be his girl-friend. I became celibate since then I just just couldn’t take that kind of treatment anymore.  

  • Baby

    Personally I believe kissing is very intimate and making out as well. Some somebody tells me he wants to do it with out kissing I feel like slapping his pee brains out. And kicking him on his shin. Some times I wonder why some Guys are afraid to kiss, could it be that they have bad breath, or maybe they don’t know how to kiss right. I’m sorry but if I can’t have any type of affection I suggest you find a whore in the street some where or jerk off in the bathroom. Cause that’s pretty much the same thing in my opinion.

  • mayolay

    I’m surprised there are women who think that way. Usually its mostly the men who think that way. I guess times have changed, I may be old fashion. In my case its always the guy who only want meaningless sex with no kissing cause that’s the kind of men that come up to me. I thought the only kind of women who want sex with no kissing is the prostitutes. 

  • Baby

    Here’s the thing I don’t get, a guy is willing to go down on a girl, lick the crack of her butt. But yet he has no desire to do something simple like kiss. I don’t understand that.  

  • sally

    I get annoyed when people say I only kiss people I’m in a relationship with, my question is, if you don’t want to kiss then why are you even bothering to have sex with that person. If you don’t want any kissing then maybe you shouldn’t have sex either. You think not kissing is going to make a difference. 

  • hay

    I get annoyed when people who cheat believe they are being faithful by avoiding kissing during sex. Like sex it self having nothing to do with it. 

  • Hanna

    what I don’t understand is,a person is willing to give an oral, have a toss-salad (which I find is very repulsive) But yet that same person can’t do something simple, like give a kiss. I don’t understand that. 

  • Antonet

    I believe sex and kissing is special and should be for love. I believe intimacy should be preserved for your spouse. I wanna save myself for my future husband who will love me and adore me. who brings me flowers and thoughtful gifts. And yes, who loves kissing me too and letting me lean on him. I wanna save myself for someone who wants a family with me, and live a Christian life of-course. I never knew what it was like to have a good man who really cares for me. And I’ve met guys who only wanted a meaningless hook-up with no kissing. To me that hurts. I’m worth more then that. And I deserve something better. Personally I wanna stay celibate till after the wedding.   

  • Kkw

    I agree the “no kissing rule” is stupid but my question is why does everyone get mad when the women makes that rule but when it comes to the men making that rule, people either makes excuses for him, or defends him. Men makes that rule too as well.  

  • Macy

    I totally agree with the men here. In my case I met a man who wanted to have an affair with no kissing and I thought that was an insult in my opinion. I think people like that shouldn’t have sex they should just masturbate. I’m so happy to see men agreeing with me on that.   

  • lovergirl

    Actually… I really felt kissing more intimate than sex coz in kissing u just let things go. U know?.u jus develop feelings for the other person quicker than for the person you might have had sex with. According to me if it’s done in perfect manner. It might just me more satisfying than sex at some point. It just depends on the other person.. If he loves u back. He’ll give his all in that one kiss.. N u’ll wanna kiss him even more.. Rather than having sex with him.. When done correctly kissing can offer great pleasure to both the people as they say soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.. I guess dats’s indeed now. :*.. As most of usfeel kissing is more arousing dan having a guy with his pants down on top of u:p

  • GeminiJazz

    Kissing is very personal to me more passionate than the actual sex act. A marriage is sealed with a kiss. I don’t kiss unless I’m in love, kissing molds my heart and soul to that person, kissing takes my heart. Kissing can take away the pain like no apology can.