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Sometimes I Forget (The Power of My Words)

Posted by NWSO • January 12, 2009 • Printer-friendly

put-on-ur-blog

Sometimes I forget the power of my own words. Sometimes I forget that when I form these sentences into a story based on real life events and publicly post them here that they can evoke emotions—and not always the ones I intended. Sometimes I forget that the "characters" I create are attached to real people with real feelings.

If you read "The Naked Truth" section above, you already have an idea into my thinking behind this blog. I'm a writer that writes honestly. I share my feelings. “I reveal everything while still leaving something to the imagination… It may embarrass me. At times, it will be painful for me to share. But I will sacrifice bits of myself to impart knowledge on my fellow man and for the sake of telling a damn good story. So that’s why I am NakedWithSocksOn.” But in writing about my personal views and experiences I also include those that cross my path. Sometimes, those stories paint people in a positive light, others not so much.

I’d like to believe I apply the same moral balance to how I present myself here as well—showing both the good and bad—but as with any first person narration, I know I'm guilty of portraying myself as heroic or a martyr more times than not. There's always three sides to every story—mine, yours and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Through it all, though, I always try my best to protect those I include in my stories. Because while I may be willing to reveal personal details about my life, I know that not everyone is as inclined to do the same. That's why I never use real names and I change as many identifiable details as possible without ruining the plot line and overall point/lesson of the story. But therein lies the problem. These are not just my stories, I share them with the other participants and they have their own perspectives on the chain of events.

Sometimes I forget the power of my own words. Sometimes I forget that when I form these sentences into a story based on real events and publicly post them here that they can evoke emotions—and not always the ones I intended. Sometimes I forget that the "characters" I create are attached to real people with real feelings.

These people I include in my entries are not just "characters" in some random story. They are all based on true events and feelings. But like I said in the beginning; sometimes I forget. I was reminded of this fact last week when I told a story about “April,” a good friend of mine who didn't like the way her "character" was portrayed (I swear this will be my last reference to that damn story for a while). Honestly, I don't feel like I did anything malicious or different than any of my other posts in terms of recounting the events and shifting small details to protect true identities. Sure, a handful of folks in my tight circle might know because they were around me when the real events took place, but for the most part, no one reading knows who the individual is. Besides, if my friend “Karen” wasn’t upset about our one-night stand story, I didn’t figure a simple tale about miscommunication, (dis)respect and trust would offend. Emotions prevailed, however, and the three-part post was taken as a personal character assassination, which was totally not my intention at all. I just wanted to present the scenario and get to the point of discussion at the end. In life, things just don't ever seem to go as planned.

Sometimes I forget the power of my own words. Sometimes I forget that when I form these sentences into a story based on real events and publicly post them here that they can evoke emotions—and not always the ones I intended. Sometimes I forget that the "characters" I create are attached to real people with real feelings.

Based on the amount of stories I tell here and the number of times I've thrown (myself and other) people under the bus, I'm surprised I haven't gotten more backlash from the real life folks involved. For the most part, the people I come across in life have a sense of humor and know that I mean no harm. As long as I don't call them out by name or make it obvious who I’m talking about, we're good but sometimes we're not and I'm sorry for that. I'm a storyteller by nature and some of these tales are just dying to get out. I go in writing about me, but sometimes there are innocent bystanders that I involve and that’s my bad. I don't purposely look to hurt anyone or tarnish their names or put other people’s business out in the street, but I guess I gotta do a better job at that and being a better friend. Perhaps I should ask for people’s permission more often before I end up like Taye Diggs' character in The Best Man. LOL. So if I ever wrote something that offended you, please know it wasn't intentional. It’s just that...

Sometimes I forget the power of my own words. Sometimes I forget that when I form these sentences into a story based on real events and publicly post them here that they can evoke emotions--and not always the ones I intended. Sometimes I forget that the "characters" I create are attached to real people with real feelings.

So what should I do, guys? How can I still tell my stories without unintentionally hurting/offending those involved? Should I just stop with the detailed stories and stick to topical posts? Do I need to ask permission for every single story I write? Is it really that serious if I already try to hide identities? What if I was writing about you, would you mind?

Speak your piece…

SAVE THE DATE:

The official NakedWithSocksOn.com re-launch &

belated NWSO birthday party.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 from 6pm to 1am NYC.

Location: to be announced.

Tagged as: apology, April, blogging, regrets, sorry, writing

http://nwso.net NWSO

yeah, homie, NYC is where I be so that's where the party will be.

Thanx for the words, I still gotta figure all this stuff out... balance is key
sb

keeping doing your thing, don't stop/question how you were doing things because you gained a lot of fans and made impacts (yes, this blog has done things to people you'll probably never see).

i mean if you're not grossly misinterpreting things and we were coo (not acquaintances though because i don't like folks i don't know talking about me when i don't know them like that)

the save the date is just for people in the area i'm guessing.

(I've been on the 'Fuck NY' tip lately cause of how you guys handled the Sean Bell incident while Oakland is holding it down for real...but thats for another day)
Mason

Just came across your blog a couple months ago, though I've been a fan of your writing for years now.

This blog is a brave undertaking & I respect you for allowing yourself to be naked, even if the socks stay on.

NWSO has inspired me to try & write open & honestly, but I'm not even sure I'm really ready to deal with my real thoughts & confront my emotions in such a public forum, for all the world to see. I started a blog to bring in the New year, but it's mostly superficial BS. NWSO has forced me to really evaluate the content at my spot.

Don't let the backlash from "April" knock you off your square. Keep continuing to inspire & provoke thought, cause so few blogs do what you do as well as you do it.
http://blackshoeswhitesocksat.blogspot.com/ RunningMom

Here's my $.02:

If it were me, I wouldn't have told her to read the blog.

Since you did, you have to ask yourself - was everything true from my point of view?

Was I honest with my readers about my opinions feelings and thoughts?

If I exclude "April's" reaction from my post, am I satisfied with my work?

If you answer yes to at least 2 of 3, then you're good.

If "April" wants to write her side, she should! I saw her comments, she has a ability. Turn it into something productive, a new blog for the world to read.

I'm sorry you hurt your "friend" - but really.. you didn't write anything disparaging. Stop apologizing for being who you are: A great writer with free thought.
http://nwso.net NWSO

Here's a question someone close to me posed to me:

"Is writing a blog or telling a story more important than respecting your friends' privacy?"

Basically, that although I write my stories and change stuff to protect people or feel what I wrote isn't offensive because I wouldn't be offended by it, but what if they are? Do I have that right? It's one thing to talk amongst friends, but to write and post to the world, the written word holds more strength...

I dunno
distinguishedgentlewoman

Keep on doing it the way you have been doing it. Don't second-guess yourself. Like you said, every story has three sides: yours, mine, and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Your interpretation of events is just as important as the next guy's. These are your stories for you to tell any way you choose.

Continue speaking your piece.
gladtobefree

Do you brother.
distinguishedgentlewoman

Keep on doing this the way you have been doing this. Don't second-guess yourself. Like you said, every story has three sides: yours, mine, and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Your interpretation of events is just as important as the next guy's. These are your stories for you to tell any way you choose.

Continue speaking your piece.
Goodie

The reason I have never blogged as I could, is that I am such a private person. You my dear are The Best Man, you know how that played out. Don't forget that was made for the screen. Lol.

Also, knowing your friends you know who will get ruffled the most. Lol.
http://www.superlovelyful.com Hannah

eeesh.

It's a doozie.

I guess you should ask yourself if you're willing to deal with the repercussions of putting your friends and loved ones on semi-veiled blast. Especially if you haven't been as candid about your thoughts/feelings and your writing reveals something new. Sometimes, a heads up is a good look and sometimes it opens a can of worms. I guess the real question is, Are you ready for that dialogue?

I think if you're really committed to baring all, maybe you should go ahead and post the other person's side.

I'm of the belief that if I call someone out in something I write, they have the right to do the same to me. I may not like what they say, but hey, it comes with the territory.

In the end, the process will be cathartic for all of you. It'll cause you to man up in ways you've never have before.

I say, continue to go for it and face the hurt feelings as they come. You might want to get better at the veiling though, remember I guessed someone you talked about based on description alone. LOL.
LadyJazz

I am hoping that my post didn't discourage you. Understand that you have a true gift, a message to share with us all. I would never advise you or anyone from their freedom to create. However, we have to be mindful that our freedom ends where another's begins. Realize that not everyone has a sense of humor when it comes to personal matters. People mature at different rates, but don't let that be the determing factor on whether or not you write.
brook

to change yourself for others is wack.

ONLY change for personal growth. I think your blog is the ish as is AS YOU ARE DOING IT!

thasmywordman

brook
http://www.myspace.com/jigeenakjigeen Nana Ataa

There is a great quote that I read somewhere that states, "What anyone thinks about me is none of my business."

I think if you are clear in your intentions, and if you are writing with the purpose of fostering about clarity and open dialogue, and if this is what you enjoy doing - then the only changes that need to happen are those that YOU see fit to or compelled to make.

I suspect that you are your worst critic. If this whole "April" incident keeps playing in your mind, and you have doubts, or maybe even feel little guilty - simply clear your conscience by taking that necessary and fierce conversation with her offline.

If you have apologized directly to her and she is not accepting it - then you have done your best. You are not obliged to convince her (or anyone else) of your intentions for writing the blog.

Please don't let this public display of interpersonal conflict steal your Spirit or disrupt your focus on what truly brings you joy. Clearly - your readership loves how you write and your subject matter.

I know I'm just thrilled to read real life, expressive, and relevant work from a brother.
Jam

We are STILL referencing back to this story even after it has been talked into the ground. I thought you had resolved for yourself that you could have handled it differently, that "April" could have handled it differently but in the end things are what they are.

Stop beating yourself up over this already. You speak from a very personal point of view, there are times when it can mean that its too personal but you cant stop everything for a few missteps.

Seriously? Stop punishing yourself. Im sure "April" is over it as well.
http://www.nakedwithsockson.com NakedWithSocksOn.com

Although you're reading this today, I actually wrote this last Wednesday. I generally only post once a day (except for Saturday where I posted twice because I was in a zone).

So I'm better people. I live, I learn, but I still feel these words and am rethinking my approach to the blog. Have to figure that out especially after rpeated conversations with friends over the weekend. Today's post in particular was a hour long convo yesterday with my boy, who didn't know I had written this but was telling me the same thing. So I have to figure out how I find a happy balance between storytelling and home wrecking.

As I said above, this will be the last post referenced post to "April" for a while. But if I feel to write about it, will you hold that against me? I write what I feel and I feel different things at any given moment. I'm only human...
Tasha

The reason I personally am so drawn to your blog is not because it's a soap opera but because it's sincere and genuine and relatable. If you take any of that away and begin only writing facts or just generic posts you take away from the very essence that makes your blog so addictive. You have to reread what you wrote and do a true analysis of what you have created. Did you simply tell a story or did you discuss YOUR emotions, YOUR reactions and YOUR thoughts surrounding the story. There's no way for you to account for the feelings, thoughts and reactions of your readers but you give us something to respond to, you give us something to choose to agree or disagree with. Without that I doubt anyone would be waiting up past midnight hungrily anticipating the next "generic post". I believe this to be a major downfalls of a number of writers. In the beginning they write to please themselves and eventually end up writing to please an audience, often losing the foundational audience that was a fan of their true talent.
You did the honorable thing by letting April know, I would have appreciated that same courtesy extended.
I'm glad to see your celebrating you Ans, you need to a,d I'll be there celebrating you as well.
Stay encouraged, and at times that means encouraging yourself.
righteous mama

I agree keep writing. If I were you I would not share the blog with people who inspire the stories if they are not mature enough to handle it. Granted, recounting such stories will open up old wounds which is the bigger issue....but a good one. The friendships that are strongest will survive the ones that aren't well...kick rocks. But I'm sure you can find a diplomatic way to say that. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm just being true to me. You don't have to agree or accept all things said...blah, blah, blah. I prefer kick rocks.

This is your passion. As a reader, I really appreciate the way you share your evolutionary process with us and it impacts us too in a positive way.

If the names of the characters are changed, I don't see how its a big deal but you have to know the real life people WILL have something to say and you can't rob them or their pain or depiction of events either.
trubian

Bruh,

a lot of folk are commenting and encouraging you to keep doing your thing, I co-sign on those sentiments however I also encourage you to come to terms with and
Finally resolve your feelings for this chick april. Although you downplay it, your emotional angst has more to do with her rejecting you than her reaction to your blog.
http://www.nakedwithsockson.com NakedWithSocksOn.com

Peace Trubian,

Appreciate the love from you and all. To be honest though folks are reading a lot of extra stuff into this whole debacle. My "beef" with April regarding the story, which occurred a few years ago, was about the respect factor of not saying what the delay was. That was what I turned a side eye to and may have held a grudge against and what I addressed in Part 3. But she and I resolved that years ago when she finally said what happened. The big mystery was finally answered and I was good.

April and I have long since moved on and travelled down different paths. The only unresolved thing I can say regarding the former "us" is the unnamed "fatal flaw." Aside from that, when I write I have the ability to tap into the emotion of how I felt at the time of the events. That's how I capture the essence of all my stories. I take myself back to that moment and write. That's why I can write about suicide at 2 pm and turn around and write about the love of my life by 4pm only to turn around and write about a drunk story by 9pm, all in the same day. It's just like having a memory then reliving it, then going to next memory or back to reality. I guess all this shows the power of my writing and ability to capture emotion.

People can believe me or not, but yeah the three-part series was about a guy liking a girl that didn't necessarily feel the same. At the time yeah it hurt etc, but I saw a long time ago she (and all the other Aprils) was right, we weren't a match. Can't fit a cube in a triangle hole.
ME

So i definately agree with everyone else. Keep doing you! I believe as long as you are covering their identities it shouldnt be a problem. "April" obviously felt there was something in your story that wasnt what she "thought" the situation was. However, just like she expressed that is her opinion and she is entitled to that. However you have your own thoughts, veiws and feelings on the situation and should be able to voice those and write about whatever you want. This is what makes your blogs different from everyone elses. I look forward to reading the real everyday! I can so relate to your blogs! Keep it up dont let anyone stop YOU from simply doing YOU!

XOXO
Harold Harold

Yeah, I did feel your writing was a bit personal and wondered if you were using actual names. So I guess I would pissed if you were writing about me. But since you're not. Write on brother, write on. LOL.
Harold Harold

And your a writer, this is what writers do.
knappi

Some of the best novels were based on incidents and individuals that influenced the life of those authors.

If you were a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist, I doubt folks would mind you using their likeness in a blog.
Anonymous

Hmmm. I've come across this dilemma on my own blog. I lost a very good friend years ago after writing a story that in no way identified her and was all true, but she was very offended that I wrote and posted it nonethless. She felt personally put out there and it hurt her a lot to see people she knew who didn't know her judging her actions so negatively. It's a pain, but because I'm mindful of my friendships, I've taken to asking people if it's okay to write about their stories, even when I'm part a part of the tale. There's tons of stuff I tell, and a whole lot that I'd like to but I don't. I've learned--the hard way, no less-- that every story doesn't need to be told.

Continue to be honest and express yourself in your writing. It's your beauty as a writer. As a fellow blogger, I know you get as much out of writing as we do out of reading. Just realize that your words and opinions are very powerful, maybe more than you realize when you click "Post."

If you and "April" are genuine friends then this is likely a hiccup in your relationship.

-Belle
Anonymous

I think all writers come across this dilemma at some point. I went to a Terry McMillian reading long ago and she talked about making the mistake in an early book of writing about a friend and it led to the end of the friendship. Disappearing Acts was based on true events of a relationship she had and "Franklin" was pissed and even sued for some of her profits. Didn't her ex husband try some of the same during the divorce since one of her books was based on him? Well, she stopped writing so closely about her friends lives just to sell her books.

It's tough. But there's a balance. Friendships are more important than readers. We're voyuers (who love a little drama here and there), but when what you write has a negative impact on your real relationships, then perhaps it's time to reevaluate what you tell us and at who's expense.
Anonymous

i think that you should write however you want to. its your blog. i like the stories. now i wouldnt have a problem if you were writing about me as long as you kept my id anonymous or something like that. i really enjoy the stories that you write.
J-Tall

yeah man write your stuff, you're not getting paid for it and just keep id's anonymous. people will bitch and moan as it is our nature...yet being free is about expression of what's on the mind and heart. breathe in and out release and stay forward.
http://www.Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

The truth is the truth. Stick to the facts as you perceived them to be.

Hurt/Offense is subjective. There is nothing you can do about it.

I say keep doing what you do. Your reflection is inspiring to others.

No need to ask for permission, but respect privacy. No real names.
http://www.Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

Just realized something.

People have a problem with privacy because they don't live (or strive to) their lives as authentically as you do.

They lie to themselves and they lie to others.

Someone who speaks the truth will make others see them in a different light.

People do it all the time. Especially those who have different groups of friends that they keep separate. Ex. The childhood friends, the college friends, the work friends. Some people are different to each of these people.

I once knew someone who eventually cut off all here "old" friends because they knew of her past. She was always afraid to put old friends together with new friends for fear of what they would say about her and the past.
Ameretta

Aww this is the first blog I've read from NWSO!!!

I've been hooked every since....

You had me @ "Sock Heads!"