Bad Head (Uhm, It’s Not Working, Boo)
We're all adults here and I feel like having a grown folks conversation today. So are all the kids out the room, yet? Good. Let's proceed. If you've been following this blog for a minute you'll know that I love head. Giving, receiving, the more the merrier. In my humble opinion, whoever invented it should’ve gotten a damn Nobel Peace Prize. It's the great equalizer. The foreplay appetizer and the automatic round two (or three) starter. But what happens when someone's head game is bad?
In theory, the oral arts are a pretty simple procedure. Insert in mouth, salivate, suckle, use tongue, no teeth, fondle balls, and repeat ’til he’s satisfied. (Female version: Lick, suck, salivate, rotate, twirl, slow down, speed up, and repeat ’til she explodes). But in practice, nothing sexual is ever that cut and dry (no pun intended). During the course of my sexual travels there have been occasions where I came across a sister that blessed me with a “mic check” but just didn't hit the spot. I’ll always appreciate the effort, but you gotta show and prove—especially if I held up my part of the deal.
Good head is a wonderful thing. In some cases it can actually be better than sex. (Yeah, I said it.) That’s why it’s important to do it and do it well. Anything less is unacceptable. Now I forget which comedian said it, but his basic belief was that, "Some women give bad head on purpose because they don't wanna do it and think you'll just get upset and tell her to stop. Uh-uh, she gotta learn so keep suckin’ ’til you get it right, boo.” In less crass terms, the only way someone gets good at something is through practice. Hmmm, kinda makes you wonder how much "practice" the people that are really good at it had, but trust me you’re probably better off not knowing. This one chick told me the best advice she got on how to give head came from asking a gay man because who better than a man to know how to please a man. WTF? That's just wrong on so many levels. Talk about a buzz kill.
Back to the subject at hand; how do you tell someone their head game is wack? I don’t know about y’all but I don’t think I have the balls (pun intended) to just come right out and say it. I mean, who wants to hear that right in the middle of the act? I know I hate distractions when I’m working, but at the same time I want to make sure I’m doing a good job. So a few subtle directions like "right there," "harder" or "don't stop" talk is cool, but when someone is like, "Oh, tilt your head at a 32-degree angle and apply two cubic tons of pressure to the left side of my thigh while thrusting at 45 kilometers per minute" it can be a bit much. I’m known for thinking too much, but sex is one of the few times where I actually just act without any predetermined thoughts, so throwing a whole bunch of directions into the equation is just gonna mess up my groove. Personal pleasure pointers are always welcomed, but there’s a fine line between suggestions and distractions.
So how do you tell a lover their oral skills are subpar? Do you just come right out and say it during the act or save your critiques ’til afterwards? How do y'all feel about wack head? Anyone ever fake it to save their lover’s ego? Is great head better than good sex? Is there such a thing as too many directions in the bedroom? Have you ever had someone performing oral and make the mistake of adding teeth to the performance? What makes head good or bad for you?
Speak your piece...
ORAL TIPS
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