Did You Cum? (The Pleasure Principle)

0 Posted by - February 19, 2009 - Relationships, Love & Marriage

bad-sex

Okay, ladies, I know you’ve heard this question before, “Did you cum?” It’s usually from the gentleman on top of you (or behind you) after he’s just reached the point of sexual eruption. Depending on his showing, you’re either nodding in breathless glee or shaking your head in utter disgust. Most guys probably wouldn’t know the difference either way.

When it comes to sex and satisfaction, guys pretty much have to ask or just assume a girl climaxed—unless she’s a squirter and there’s visible evidence all over your sheets. I know some cocky son-of-a-gun is probably saying to himself, “I don’t gotta ask, ’cause I know I did the damn thing. Shorty was calling out my name and blah, blah.” Yeah, moans and screams are usually clear indicators of a girl getting her rocks off, but some woman have been known to fake it. Old school readers will recall that even men fake orgasms, too. (NOTE: Just because a guy ejaculates doesn’t mean he had an orgasm). Climax or not, though, if a man busts a nut that usually means the episode is over and there’ll be no more action until he and his lil solder can regroup. Sorry, we’re just not wired like y’all where we can get back-to-back-to-back nuts. We need a breather in between.

In fact, females’ ability to score multiple orgasms in one episode is part of the reason why some of us ask, “Did you cum?” I know I’ve been with some greedy chicks that actually lied about not cumming just so she could sneak in a few more orgasms before I got mine. Because nine times out of ten if a guy asks, “Did you cum yet,” while you’re still going at it he’s about to bust. But if you reply no, he’ll put the mental delay on his dick to make sure you get yours before he blasts off. Well, that’s if he’s not a selfish lover. Otherwise the roles will change and it’ll be the chick is asking, “Did you cum?” Trust me, fellas, that’s the last thing you want to hear because that usually means that you got yours way before the she got hers and that’s never a good look.

Like I said, most guys ask, “Did you cum,” because they just don’t know, but there is a bright side. The longer you’re with someone, the better your physical connection tends to get—if you’re lucky. Eventually you learn how your partner’s body reacts when they reach the point of euphoria, but even then the female physiology (and psychology) is still a mystery for many men, especially if it’s your first time together. He’ll have no idea how your body responds when you orgasm so once again he may just have to ask, “Did you cum?”

Another reason guys ask is ego. I can only speak for myself but I wanna know that I satisfied you and hearing a female verbalize that makes a brother feel good. My philosophy when it comes to sex is that if I’m focused on pleasing you and you’re focused on pleasing me, then we should both get what we want out of the episode. If for whatever reason I don’t hold up my part of the deal, I want to know so I can rectify the situation. Lying about cumming to spare my feelings is not advised, because I’m gonna want to redeem myself by any means necessary, manually, orally or penis-aly (yeah, I just made that one up). So, ladies, if a guy ever asks you, “Did you cum,” keep it 100 because if you spend all your time stroking his ego; how’s he ever supposed to learn how to stroke your cat?

Do ladies hate when guys ask if they came or not? If you didn’t cum, do you let your lover know or try and stroke his ego? Have you ever lied about cumming so you could sneak in multiple orgasms or just because you wanted it to be over? Anyone women been with a guy that took too long to cum? Fellas, have you ever been with a woman that couldn’t make you cum? Do women take offense if a man doesn’t cum?

Speak your piece…

horse_fell_asleep_after_sex

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    dunno could be a plethora of reasons.

    Maybe he’s too busy stroking to feel it

    Maybe he desensitized by the condom

    Maybe it feels more intense for her than him

    who knows…lol

  • anonymous

    uh… when i was like 13 or so, I was watching Donahue and there were teenagers having sex and the expert asked one of the little boys if he he even knew how to please his partner. he was like, “i do, cause she calls my name.” and then the expert went on to explain that when a woman reaches orgasm a man can tell by the whether or not she pulsates– not only her clitoris. but her vagina contracts repeatedly like a squeeze, release, repeat.

    My va-jay-jay and clitoris do this. It’s pretty powerful. I’ve never understood how my partner can’t tell. My current BF is the only one who could tell the very first time.

    How can men not feel the clench?

    Odd.

  • VOD

    Once again, priceless picture.

    *lurk*

  • Hanna

    i’ve lied before to get it over with when i was younger but as i get older i gots ta be straight up about mine’s! i have told dude “i need to cum before i leave”. lol!

    it is a shame how many men cannot pleasure a woman to orgasm…

  • Hanna

    still SMH…

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    I’m one of the unfortunate ones who have never climaxed during sex. But boy am I a good actress. I make soooooooo much noise during intercourse and I know how to clench and release the kitty cat so well that he never asked any questions. He just assumed that the wet sheets beneath me meant a job well done and a woman well satisfied. When in reality, all that means in my case is that I get very wet when I see dick.

    Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have an orgasm during sex. Who in their right mind wouldn’t? It’s not that I’m not capable of obtaining an orgasm. Like most women, I’m actually multi-orgasmic. But I’ve only had two sexual partners. There were so many trust issues with the first that I was rendered unable to totally relax and let go. And the second was just bad sex and a sloppy waste of my time–while he reveled in his Magnum glory, I was bored and ooh and aahed just to get it over with. So I faked it with both of them. With the first guy, the sex was great and I loved him. But we had so many problems from jump that I literally felt myself holding back, which prevented me from cumming. I faked it with the second guy because it was bad and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because he was a friend. I finally got so fed up with faking it and quit having sex with him.

  • http://www.modelmayhem.com/LJPhotoLife Blue Hollywood

    “Did You Cum? (The Pleasure Principle)” Response
    Female 25 (I wonder if age would play any factor to how these questions are answered by various women)

    Do ladies hate when guys ask if they came or not?
    – I wouldn’t say I hate it but, what I find is usually dudes who are asking, means the episode wasn’t all that great, or as great as it could have been.

    If you didn’t cum, do you let your lover know or try and stroke his ego?
    – if it’s my lover or my regular yes. If it’s a one-nighter no.

    Have you ever lied about cumming so you could sneak in multiple orgasms
    – no i haven’t, but that’s such a good idea :)

    or just because you wanted it to be over?
    – yes I have done this one.

    Anyone women been with a guy that took too long to cum?
    – Yes but then I realized that’s only a bother when the sex is blastid boring.

    Do women take offense if a man doesn’t cum?
    – Usually if the man didn’t cum, it’s because I didn’t care for him to cum.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    LADIES

    Is Knotty Dred right? Just because I guy doesn’t care to ask does that mean y’all were satisfied? Or that there is no way a man can’t know if you came?

    I say, sure you can assume/suspect, but you never really know. Person can fake, lie or just miss it. Goes both ways, too. If y’all peeped the “Men Fake Too” link above, you’ll see how guys don’t always orgasm and can fake just like y’all.

  • Shamika B. Sanders

    I freaking hate when guys ask me that. No I didnt cum so leave me alone HAHAHAHAHA

  • http://www.theslopemedia360.blogspot.com kaia zawadi

    unfortunately many women are unable to climax during penetration. some women need to be directly stimulated and u know what i mean by “directly” in order to cum. it’s no surprise here. andy yes we women do fake it sometimes because we want u to get the hell from off of us. just because u think ur “bringing it” doesn’t mean that ur making a woman climax. at the same time a woman needs to mentally put herself in a sexual state of mind to help her with climaxing. try it, u may like it.

  • Knotty Dred

    Rule of Thumb: If ya gotta ask, she aint cum!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Melody

    LOL @ “mofo,you mustve came before ya got here”

    I know I’ve had times where it just wasn’t in the cards (lack of sensitivity) and I gave up on trying to get a nut, but I was always happy in the knowledge that she got hers and she “owed”me one. LOL

    But girls be getting tight when a dude don’t cum and take it as a personal offense. But no it ain’t that he just got one (for me at least) just some times the rubber may be desensitizing you or in some rare cases the head game ain’t right (see previous post on Bad Head)

    http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/2009/02/05/bad-head-uhm-it’s-not-working-boo/

  • jameila

    2nd pic is hilarious!
    I faked it sooo obviously one time. This guy had THE smallest penis ever and I dont believe in that ‘its the motion of the ocean’ saying because this mans boat was sitting on dry land. Couldnt do a damn thing with it lol. Anyway just to get this experience over with i moaned and hollared until he got his and I could go home. He kept asking me did i cum and i assured him i did, but i think he realized the turth when i ran out 2 min after we did the deed that it was wack!!!

  • http://fisthenewe.blogspot.com GoodLife

    I dated this girl and we started out having great sex. We would both be able to have our orgasms, but then things changed. We were still able to have our orgasms, but once she started getting that feeling we would have to get in “orgasm mode”. This meant we had to get in a certain position and I would have to have the same stroke until she came. At first it was cool, but this became the regular. It would take me out of the zone. So females, its cool to reach that orgasm and we all love it, but allow it to come. Enjoy the pleasure of the moment as oppose to just focusing on cumming. We’ll both enjoy it more…..

  • YoungJay

    In my experience most women have a “tell” that will let you know when they climax, (uncontrollable contractions, bicep clenching). Fellas try and look out for some of the same things you experience when you climax, a lot of women have similar reactions (Sensitivity to touch, etc).

  • Melody

    No, Knotty Dred is WRONG, a few times Ive been asked, and Im like damn you couldnt tell??.. (he mustve zoned out) Cuz its like a total different vibe when the cummation (yea I made that one up..lol) starts to occur.

    I dont hate being asked…cuz unfortunately its been NO more times then yes, and I dont fake no O’s.

    Ive taken offense if they’re taking a while, or dont come.. I might give them the crooked eye.. like “mofo, you mustve came before ya got here”..lol

  • Keisha

    I don’t take offense if you didn’t cum because I am sure that I have tried all the necessary methods to asure you that you got your rocks off. I am actually too honest. I will lay there and turn on the TV and start watchin something if its taking you to long and you aren’t really satisfying me. But I will again tell you if I didn’t cum but at that point there is no need to try again. I do not like when a man asked if I came. I mean you will be able to tell…….I have never experienced multiple orgasams ever in life.

  • ME

    Hey Ans, Great writting today!!! Okay so as for the do woman get offended if a man doesnt cum for me YES!!! I believe if i cant make a man cum then i didnt do my job right. As crazy as it sounds i dont ever wanna have sex and not get off so why would i make a man have sex and not get it. Just doesnt make sense to me. Isnt getting to the climax the whole point in having sex…….

    As for men asking, yes they do quite often and i agree with you its just to make sure we got ours and for them to smile after words hearing yea i came……I usually let a guy know when its coming believe it or not during the deed or anything other time during foreplay if i’m getting mine he’ll know simply by me telling him. I like to see a mans face right after you tell him and let it all go lol he looks like he just had the best visual in the world!!

    As for not getting off lol i’m a mean girl when it comes to that haha. I let them know and right off the bat that i didnt get mine, i actually get kinda irratated….If you got yours why cant i get mine?? lol….

    XOXO
    Holly ;)

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  • AHAHAI

    NEVER KNEW GUYS REALLY CARED IF A GAL CAME OR NOT…i THOUGHT AS LONG AS THEY “GOT THEIRS” … WELL

    ILL COMMENT MORE LATER AFTER IVE GATHERED MY THOUGHTS FURTHER ON THE MATTER.

  • sohoissooverated

    I have been with a guy that took too long to cum….I figured it out tho, its because round 1 was average and then when he got up for round two he could just go longer. But damn that round 2 usually last wayyyy to long and it take the dude too long to cum. Ur legs and back start to hurt after having them arched and up for too long

  • Deeny

    Good topic!

    I wouldn’t mind if a guy asks if I came, but his actions afterwards will determine how I feel about the “ep”.

    For examplle, if I say “no, not yet” then I would hope that he takes action (orally, fingers, toy, another round) before the session is over to help me get there. (fyi: going right in and trying to make her come at that moment might backfire cause it’s putting too much pressure on her and urself to make something happen. Instead, take ur time and make it sensual and erotic by slowing things down and building up anticipation)

    If I say “yes, I came” then I would hope that he does not take that as a signal that he did the damn thing. It could’ve been a semi-orgasm and not the spine tingling one I was hoping for. I know that most women have a hard time achieving orgasm from penetration alone, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy the sex. We can have lil mini-bursts of pleasure from u hitting the right spot and some sensations lasts longer than an orgasm even though their not as intense.

    But the key is to pay attention. If a woman comes and comes HARD, most will let u know. TRUST. Legs quiver, juices flowing more than usual (after a few seconds), super human strength (or maybe that’s just me lol), weak afterwards.

  • tracs

    Hmmmmm. OK Someone said isn’t the whole point of doing the deed to get off & i have to address that. My short answer to that is NO. I am one of those women who dont usually cum during penetration so I can’t agree that if I dont cum tha makes it instantly wack. Getting it can be totally enjoyable without ever reaching a climax. That’s just me.
    As for taking offense if he doesn’t. Never happened. LOL. But yes I’d taken personal like whoa, this dude is not feeling me. My headgame is always on point, my ego couldn’t take anything less than an out of breath, eyes rolling to the back of his head, spent brother standing, sitting or laying before me.
    I think it depends on how he asks if I cum. Some guys you know their ego is alll rapped up in it & there is almost a hint that they are gonna be frustrated if you didn’t. Its not that serious. As long as the sex was good, you really connected ( and it wasn’t just a 1, 2 mechanical stroke thing), you just have to accept that it aint gonna happen all the time.

  • da ThRONe

    I think 4 all dudes if your tuned in 2 your sex partner you will @least know when she cumming.
    I kinda always know when a chick is getting off. 1st who ever mentioned the contrasting “via ga ga” is how i ususally know and she usually grab me and hold me tight and it tends 2 lead 2 scratches on my back(that shit hurt like hell in that shower after). This is pretty universal and i’ve been with a fair # of ladies.(TMI i know LOL)
    Still havent crossed a squirter but i’ve have giving a select few of chick head 4 hours until she just couldnt take anymore! And which they would bust alot and you can feel the tighting on my finger and a rush of fluid and thats another way i can tell if she bust the its a rush of fluids things she cant fake that(or can she?LOL).
    Likewise i know when i didnt fill the bill either 4 what ever reason usually because i didnt like’em that much and was more bent on getting me. But im 1 of those dudes that tend 2 stay up in it for a long time. FYI ladies if a dude is up in it for more then 30 2 45 on 1 nut your sex is probably wack! sorry but every female i sex 4 hours was either ok and i wasnt that comfrontable or the “via ga ga” wasnt even worth my time

  • da ThRONe

    I dont fake shit if i didnt bust im not letting her off the hook! And likewise if i didnt get it done dont think your helping either 1 of us 2 lie about it. Lying is so juvenile and some what selfish 2 falsely stroke somebody ego. I hate 2 make it sound so impersonal but when im sexing you it my job 2 get you off or die tryin LOL. I dont have sex much often the past couple of years but i have a problem with a girl getting her once or twice in a 15 r 20min window and there ready 2 call it quits without me getting mines(selfish bitches LOL) and the complain about it hurting them. I didnt know grow ass sexual active women still have that “I hurts problem” maybe its the condom or something because im no mandingo(TMI i know)LOL

  • LINY1919

    I’ll admit that when I 1st began having sex, I would absolutly lie about having an orgasm because A) I didn’t know if I was really having one or not. B) I felt bad and thought I was hurting the guy’s feelings. C) They would take FOREVER and I honestly just got tired!

    However, I’m older and more experienced now and I realize now that the same holds true in the real world and in the bedroom: don’t lie to protect someone’s feelings, because you’re the one who’s going to suffer in the long run!! Most guys, I’ve noticed, don’t feel bad if a girl says “no, I didn’t cum yet.” Instead, they get this big sense of machismo and work extra hard…like it’s a challenge they can’t lose!! So just by telling the truth, everyone wins in the end!!

  • a lady

    i didn’t even know what cumming felt like until some years ago. it is what it is. i am not one of the fortunate ones who get off by penetration but stimulation. of course, always willing to try though.

  • VirgoVida

    I feel so crappy about this but, I’ve never had a round 2!!! my girlz talk about it, but it’s never happened. And I don’t think it’s because I’m bad, I think that guys just weren’t expecting for it to be ON POINT! HA. I think they’re pleasantly surprised. I usually am the one who gets asked if I’ve cum yet. In my head I’m like “NO, why would you think that”? The few lovers that I had always look at their johnson like the answer’s written on there. That’s just me on there, you still got work to do. I know chicks who talk about having sex for hours and hours, and I’m sitting over here like “Where they at”? lol. I like to get mine, but if a dude is my man, I’d rather keep him happy, then for him to go astray. I can get mine when you leave. U gotta whisper in their ear, right when they say that they’re about to cum, and say, “Go head baby, it’s yours”! She knows of what she speaks…:)

  • da ThRONe

    @Deeny

    If you dont get any oral before i poke then you aint getting any that nite LOL!

  • righteous mama

    My sides hurt from laughing @ that pic and Shamika’s comment “no I ain’t cum now leave me alone.”

    That would kinda turn me off if a guy had 2 ask me that. I agree with Dred…if u gotta ask… the lady didn’t cum. Unless maybe she’s the silent type or something. When I cum…he knows.

    But still, I tend to assume responsibility for my own orgasm. If we’re 30 mins or more in and I have gotten one off yet I know what to do to make it happen… although it’s WAY better when my lover can make me cum on his own. If I cum at least 2 or 3 times, it was a good night… any more than that and I’m never leaving. LOL!

    Lying about cummin when u know u did? Wow, I’ve never thought of that! Thanks for the tip!! [Evil laughter fading out...]

  • mch2sweet

    Boy does this ever hit home for me. I’m 28 years old, and have had my share of partners, and only one has EVER made me cum!!! They all ask if I have cum, and im truthful and tell them no, but they never seem to get me there no matter how hard they try. My current partner and I haven’t been together that long, but in the times we have had sex he hasn’t made me cum either, but I give him two thumbs up everytime, because he gives it his very best may it be orally or as u say penis-aly. I have gotten so used to it, that it dont even bother me anymore, I just have a good time with him. Never have i been in a relationship where the guy hasen’t climaxed, but I have been with a guy that takes forever to cum. His shortest time with me ever was 2 1/2 hours, it was long but we had a blast!!!

  • DJ CEO

    If a man asks a woman if she came it more than likely is a question pertaining to their ego. Most men do care that you are satisfied but mainly because this performance is going on his Dick Report. And no man wants a B.D.R. But like Ans said, some want to know because if you haven’t climaxed we don’t want to get you there. So don’t lie. I’ve only asked a some of the women I’ve had sex with not all. I can usually tell when you have come but some women are so animated it’s hard to tell.

  • LL

    LOL@the pic.

    But who told the tale that most women climax from a man being on top or behind?

    It happens, but with me, rarely sister girl has had to work her own climax usually on top, only exception is a “very” skillful man.

    But…..only lied in the past if I didn’t enjoy it and wanted him to stop(spare a brother feelings), I think the better time to talk about it was waaay after the fact.

    I would probably be no more offended than he would be if I didn’t and he knew it.

    However if its a loving relationship communication and connection is key and at that point we should be able to freely talk about it.

  • http://www.funkyminds.blogspot.com CChery

    They definitely take offense if they can’t make you reach your destination.

  • slky

    Great topic. As a man, I can admit I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. Going from that terrible feeling knowing that you’re about to cum waaaaaay too soon to the nights when u go so long its molded into the shape of her kitty. I’ve always been a pleaser, its just in my nature. So I’m gonna go all out till I know she came. And if I do pop the question, its only to ask how many times (pardon my ego). I understand that sometimes the situation calls for a female to fake it and lie about it. But at some point u gotta break it to the brotha. Cuz from what I’m hearing there’s a lot of disillusioned brothas running around thinkin they’re the sh*t, spreading the wackness around. Just like a closed mouth don’t give head, it don’t get fed. So I encourage women to keep it real with us dudes and if we ain’t doin something right, by all means instruct him. That’s just my two sense on the matter… happy humpin’

    slky

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ VirgoVida,

    One word: ego.

    He wants to try and prove that he can do something. Maybe you just have that super good-good, lol, and he can’t handle it. I’ve been there, you wanna be like, damn, she can’t beat me. I gotta redeem myself

  • VirgoVida

    ok. Let me ask a question here. When should a guy give up trying, when his “member” is not on the same page as him?

    Lemme explain: There was a dude, that never ever lasted more than 5 minutes when we were intimate! NEVER! He always came, and then he would be so apologetic about the whole scenario. We only humpty-humped like a handful of times. So, I chopped it up as an L, and I didn’t want to be intimate with him again cause I knew how it was going to end up! I had strong feelings for the dude, but it completely turned me off, I just want to be friends or at least cuddle buddies. Like, why would you even want to go there again? But he always kept trying to sell me wolf tickets, and say that it would be better next time. Giving me all sorts of the usual lame excuses.

    So after all of his strike outs, why wouldn’t a dude just accept the situation and move on?

  • http://inthesunshyne.blogspot.com yes

    I agree with Tracks and Liny1919

    That’s why I lie because I know it’s not gonna happen all the time so I don’t want the guy to feel like he didn’t do his job.

    The worst question I ever got was how come I haven’t came yet when dude was on top of me all of 3.5 seconds. Like for real??

    & to dathrone, pain isn’t always from the d, it doesn’t matter how much experience you have had
    If she came and you’re still pumping its gonna hurt, sometimes we need to recuperate too. If you nut and go soft and she still tryin to bounce on u, ur not gonna get anywhere.

  • LadyJ1967

    Wow…what a taboo topic but I will just say what I’m saying from my own persepctive.

    I believe that at times too much focus is placed on just the physicalm though important) but have found that I was able to climax without my mate even touching me…yet! Sounds crazy right. Well somehow he was able to position me mentally and emotionally (just how women are made) and when that was satisfied there was a physical reaction to it, which made the rest a ‘cake walk’ so to speak’.

    Problem is, some dont want to take the time to explore that part so the end result is…well sub par, regardless of the fact the the tools were up to par. Besides, whatever package you have been given or what ever you pride yourself in being experience with (or not) you still must learn your partner so …explore the possibilities and take it from there.

    Just my humble opinion.

  • da ThRONe

    @Yes

    Thanks for that advice. As a male i was as thought (or really left 2 assume) that women could handle long sex sessions. So i just chalk it up 2 her getting her and quitin out of selfishness but i never thought about that way!

  • Elle

    I’m sure it’s just me but I don’t really dwell on cumming or not cumming. I have fun even if I do not climax sometimes.

    Would I ask my mister? No. I don’t see why I should.
    Do I mind him asking me? Not really. Unless that questions leads to a whole conversation about why, how, when…yadda yadda. Shuddup and go to sleep already… sheesh!

    Have I faked it/ lied about it before? Yes, I have … to get it over with. Not because I wasn’t enjoying myself or because the man in question was “bad in bed”. It was more so one of these “it just won’t happen today” situations. I know from the get go of a “session” whether I will cum or not. Just because I know already that I wont have the big O doesn’t mean I don’t want to enjoy the other stuff that comes with it :-)

    At the end of the day, it’s “just sex”. Nothing world changing or anything. So why get all bent out of shape because somebody didn’t cum, cum too soon….

  • Ashley

    OK let’s see… it doesn’t bother me when my guy asks me if I cum.. But we’ve been knockin boots long enough now he doesn’t have to ask me… he just knows.

    Now let me tell you I have lied about getting off not so I could sneak a few more in but so hopefully he would hurry up! LOL! I’m the person that when I cum I want my partner to cum at the same time as me or shortly after me because I need a minute to breathe! Also, when I cum if I don’t get that breather after a few minutes I start going dry and then that just becomes painful!

  • Dat_Cute_Shortie

    I would never lie about getting mine because I would ne real pissed I f I didn’t get it. It’s true after you been with someone for a long time you don’t have to ask you just know. I have also been a women who said they didn’t cum to get another oneor two in.

  • Carla

    Hear Ye, Hear Ye, I will not fake it for anyone. If I do not have an orgasm soon after we begin, we are finished. I have the fortuanate ability to have multiple orgasms and I should be well on my way to first one before the penetration. Hence the reason I stated that if it does not happen quidk I am through.

    WAY TO GET THE PEOPLE TALKING

    Carla

  • StoryofaWoman

    I honestly think that I am different, something might be wrong with me lol. Sometimes I do not feel like having an orgasm. I might just wanna “feel it” and that’s it. Also, I can have small orgasms, those I am unaware off until afterwards when I get a surprise lol, but the big major ones tend to tire me out and I might have some things to do later :). Or, I might be in the mood to please my man and I need my energy. If I am with a guy and I don’t happen to come for a variety of reasons, I’m like “well better luck next time.” HOWEVER, I do feel offended when I can’t get not one orgasm, even a tiny one, at all. Or the “swing and a miss” starts to be repetitive. I think that I am a pretty good sex partner, I almost always have a satisfied cutomer, but I’ll be damned if I put in all that work for nothing. If a guy has to ask me, I just take that as confirmation. And I don’t need to have multiple orgasms, or have sessions last for hours and hours ( I aint got time for that), if I can get just one good one then I’m straight.

    As far as the lying, I kinda used to do it when I was a little younger, but I am a grown woman now (26) and I don’t have time to waste. I’ve also noticed that my drive is increasing, and sometimes I have to expect the first time to not be as good, especially if the guy hasn’t had any for awhile (it won’t last longer than 5-10 minutes), so that one is a freebie. But if I’m still horney afterwards, which I am most of the time, I can’t leave until I get one off, so if that means another round or two……

  • StoryofaWoman

    I do want to mention that women may not able to have an orgasm for a lot of reasons. Sometimes it’s a mental thing (yes sex does involve the mind as well as the body). In addition to us not being into the guy all that much, or going through a lot of other emotional problems, sometimes a woman can a have a problem with letting go. When a woman has an orgasm, at least for me, it makes me feel very vulnerable. I’ll make so ugly faces and do some strange things while I’m cumming, and the feeling lasts for awhile. And the feeling of an orgasm is so strong that it overpowers you, and I am definitely one of those women that is in control of her emotions most of the time. When you “allow” a man to make you come, you are submitting yourself to him, giving him that control to make you feel like that. It’s like having the Holy Ghost sometimes. Sometimes a woman’s trust issues can interfere with her having an orgasm. So men, please don’t take it personally if your woman does not cum each and every time.

    I do want to also point out that even though there are many ways of having an orgasm, YOU CANT MAKE UP FOR A WOMAN NOT HAVING AN ORGASM BY GIVING HER HEAD. I just wanted to make sure guys knew this, I am tired of having dudes give me head to make up for me not cuming, it doesn’t work. And the head is always bad, it’s almost like pity head. It also doesn’t work if a man is a 2 minute brotha (and I have experienced this), and he uses oral sex to compensate for his quickness. Just because you might give me some head and I cum, it does not mean that I don’t want to cum from intercourse as well, it almost doesn’t count even if it was mindblowing lol.

  • Salena

    Great topic! I found out about the blog from Essence, and had to check it out. Glad that I did!

    So on to the topic at hand. I don’t mind if a man asks nor do I lie about whether or not cumming. It’s about being open and honest to your man about yur sex life. COMMUNICATION! That’s the problem with some relationships. Women aren’t asking or offended with the answer. Men aren’t talking to their women about HER sexual needs.

    For all of those ladies that haven’t had the pleasure of reaching an orgasm, I have a suggestion. Use a clit stimulator (BULLET, EGG, etc.) during sex with your mate. I’ve had the most wonderful, powerful, and exciting ORGASMS since me and my fiance decided to add a sex toy in the mix. While he’s penetrating me, I am able to stimulate my clit at the same time…GREAT!!!! You can even start without him (smile), and he can join in.

    Try it out, then there will be NO questions about whether or not you “came”. I think as women, we have to do whatever it takes to have that orgasm. It’s such a STRESS RELIEVER. Those that have had one…they know! They’re GREAT!!

    Call me selfish! But when I please my man, I also want to be pleased.

  • Simone

    I have faked in the past, not because i wanted to get a few in b4 he came but because i wanted him to get off me. Well, it first started with my children’s dad – he was the second person i had sex with and the second time having sex period. I didn’t know how to respond during our intercourse and i didn’t know better at the time. I didn’t know that I was cheating myself. I was 17 and having sex. As the years went by, i got good at it with him (the faking) and eventually tired, so it just ended up being, “would he just hurry up and bust his nut.” If i wasn’t pretending i was sleeping anyway.
    Anyway, now i am being more honest with myself and my mate. I am learning that communication works for me.

  • DragonFly

    Oh my, I hate to say it but I have faked it soooo many times, I can’t even count. But the reason is that I was with my man and I wanted him to feel good about himself and he lovin and it was not a case where he NEVER made me cum, just not at those times. Would I lie with someone I wasn’t in love with…hell no. Your ego is not yet my responsibility. Plus, I looove sex and I can fully enjoy myself without reaching my climax, i mean most women don’t cum every time, so if my man pleases me but I ain’t came yet (sometimes it takes a while) I may say I did out of pure exhaustion and feeling pleased anyway. Oddly enough, I cum EVERY time I masturbate and it don’t take long at all. Ha! I just know ME like that.

    As for the direct stimulation someone mentioned, I am one of those women that is waaay too sensitive for direct clitoral stimulation and that’s the best way to not make me cum…so fellas, if direct is not working for you or if she shaking and writhing a little TOO much, it may be agony not pleasure. Try the areas immediately around the clit and near it but not directly on it and don’t stay there for too long trying (even oral). can get painful. And remember, the “vaginal entry” can be very sensitive, drives me crazy, so spend some time there too!

    Nothing makes the breakfast (or late night snack) better than a woman who just came!

    Oh, and the only time I had a man not cum was when he was way too drunk to be fucking anyway (ha ha!). Otherwise, I would be gone over that…

  • Elle

    lmaooo@it may be agony, not pleasure

    Amen!

  • Thoroughbread

    Man that post was so funny. Truth is, sometimes, if I hate the sex and I just want it to be over, yes I will say I came. Then other times I’ll just tell the truth, but for the most part whether I cum or not if I don’t get two in 1 session imma roll over and bust another while ur recooperating. I’m a sexually needy type gal. So don’t be offended, sometimes its just because we greedy but fair. :-)

  • scdime

    HUH??? CUM?? ORGASM??

    Foreign words in my dictionary and missing from my vocabulary!!

  • single23

    mmmm…..what was the question again? oh
    I am in post-coital bliss and you want to make me verbalize. if I can speak then you haven’t done it yet!!

  • cali sunshine

    hhhmmm… ive came ive not came ie told the truth ive faked it… lol… it has all been done but now i dont lie there is no point… like why make you feel good for not doin it right… cuz after kissin fingers and head if i havent came at least once im right there on the edge…. so if i dont get there there is really somethin wrong

    im a very orgasmic person (most times over 10… i stopped countin) and there was one dude and he was like omg he did i t bomb till every time he went in i came… untill i was just so sensitive that i started strugglin …. omg good times…. lol…. hince the 10 plus times….

    but for dudes who dont know just humpin aint gonna do shit for nobody put some curve in ya body and rub thet pelvic area against her clit (if you was wonderin the secret to gettin her there… there it is… lol)

  • john wallace

    here’s a difference i think between some peoples’ approaches to orgasm. some women go into sex thinking “i hope he makes me come”

    men enter unto sex thinking, ”i’m gonna make myself come via this woman.”

    dr. ruth once said that everyone is responsible for their own orgasm.
    ladies, my advice is, have sex the way men do. we are going to come. we are going to enjoy your body until we come. if you also come, great. if u don’t u didnt try hard enough. i didn’t stand in your way. i’m here. u are welcome to use my body in any way that u like. dont depend on your fella to make u come. use your dude to make yourself come. thats how guys roll.

  • Msjaded

    My husband has never been able to make me cum and it’s due to all of my trust issues I have. I know I am able to cum because I used to have multiple orgasms and squirt with my ex’s. The problem with my husband is that he was never concerned with my pleasure, fore play is not in his vocabulary, and we have tons of unresolved issues that keep me from letting go. I get horny and want to cum but the anxiety holds me back. It’s a terrible feeling to have someone pounding away and you’re thinking about the laundry or something else. He used to ask me if I came and wouldn’t lie..he told me feels bad but doesn’t try. It feels like a punishment

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Msjaded

    And you married Mr. Jaded because of….?

    The idea of my lover not wanting to please me is bad enough, but my soul mate and life partner?

    Nah, we’d have to work on that. Sex ain’t everything but some sort of caring is. IMHO

  • Msjaded

    I ask myself that but I think I was naive and thought things would change and we would get more comfortable…wrong!! Now im trapped in a sexless marriage with a man who would rather jerk off to porn, refuses to have sex but once every 8-11months ..bad sex too and the nerve to ask “did you cum?” if you ask me he was addicted and still is to porn and there is nothing a real woman can do to compete with a death grip and visual assortment. And just in case anyone wondered I am 30, in good shape, get hit on all the time, am very kinky, initiate sex 99% of the time and kegel with the best of em but he is not interested in having sex. Maybe he’s cheating, maybe he’s addicted to porn but I am frustrated being with such a bad, lazy lover who is also my life partner. Ugh what a looong life ahead of me

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Msjaded

    You and Mr. Jaded need to have a long ass talk. Im sure there are a ton more things that brought you guys together. Maybe you should watch porn with him. Anything to make that transition easier. Above all you need to spill your heart to him. If he loved you enough to marry you he’s gotta care enough to try more. If your as bad as you say you are and as kinky as a porn star. There is no way after you break it down to him and work with him that the sex cant be on point. That the best thing about sexually chemistry its the easiest to get back in order.

    I wish you all the best!

  • kerry

    what’s rong wen ur man takes a realy long time to cum????
    is it becuz he s done it b4 for da day?

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Kerry

    Don’t think that having sex earlier in the day is the automatic answer to that. There really isn’t one answer. Everyone has different sensitivity levels and sex is very mental so there are many reasons for a man taking a long time.

    I say enjoy the ride and do your part to help getting him off. Consider it a personal challenge, we tend to like that

  • 3g

    This is a very good article b/c I am a pleaser by nature so my concern about my gf is genuine bc I want her to be satisfied. We have found her G-spot she has squirted which is my personal favorite. It is truly all about communication if we never talked about our likes and dislikes we wouldn’t be at the point we are now. I have never thought about the whole anxiety angle and not wanting to give up control that sounds like a research topic lol.

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  • Dom

    Aight now I honestly can’t tell if a girl is lying or not cause I honestly blackout when I cum/during sex . As if its not me in it . I do my best to make the girl enjoy it . and as I only hav a six incher I do hav to work to get the girl going . and like someone said , guys find it a challenge to make a girl cum . I mean I do . Out of all these times I had sex once a girl told me that she didnt even tho I did . What happened is i spent 3 hours to trying to pleasure her and God finally I did it . And let me tell you this, it felt as good knowing the girl orgasm as when I came .

    I believe telling the truth is the better out of 2 . because if girls lied to me I would not be able to improve and I would probably get cocky about it . As for now I know that every girl has a different sex drive so no matter how good are you you will have to work hard to pleasure your partner . Also I learned that girls reach orgasm in more subtile way . I mean for a guy its uck fuck fuck AKA the strocking motion and boom youve blown your load. but for girl it must be pationate , it has to be erotic not porn-like (yeah that never happens .) .

    But If a girl tells a guy she didnt orgasm in a rude manner I believe it would hurt a lot .

  • dave

    first let me start by saying that I am a 40 y/o male and have been with one “squirter” and OMG! WOW! what a turn on! you could definitley tell when she came. Secondly, I always ask unless it’s obvious that she got hers. Not for my ego but to be positive that I have done anything and everything in my power to ensure that she has came as many times as she wants. Third, ladies PLEASE be honest. If you cum let me know. If you have just had enough, let me know. If you want me to lick your clit, lips, asshole or anything, PLEASE just ask. I WILL do just about anything for you but I don’t know to do it unless it is brought up. I am not a mind reader but I am the guy who will do most anything you ask to make you cum because if you cum, there’s a good chance you will want to have sex with me again. And that’s what I want

  • hahah

    hahahahaahahaha the horses LMFAO

  • Sam 23/m

    Ok… to all the girls out there that lie about cumming to your regular or boyfriend or even someone you’ve had sex with a couple of times before and intend to carry on the episodes with the same guy…. think about this one… HOW can a guy improve his sex ability if you consistantly fake it and lie about reaching climax?…. think about it.

    As for me, I know when a girl has cum, I can feel it especially when the legs shake…. but I sometimes rehatorically ask “Did you cum?” ….Only reason why I do this is because my next question is -> “Do you want to cum again?” … So ladies, if you want to improve your sex lifes with your partner….. be a lil more tactful than faking it. Its rediculous.

  • P.A.M.M

    Well I’ve been with my man for a while now, the sex is amayzing and i mean increadible, but ,thiers always a but hear :P. somehow i just can’t come the same time as he does, don’t get me wrong hear he can last a very long if you know what I mean ;) , it’s just so weird of why can’t I come at the same time or just before him, I mean we both do are part very well hear, did this and that even the most crazy position you could ever think of but I just can’t come :/….. Now I’m just wondering is their something wrong with me ???

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  • Marcus Baker

    Girls don’t need to hate a simple question. Most guys just want to make sure they have finished the job before they finish up themselves. And tw most gratifying answer I’VE ever heard was (breathless) “Yes! Like seven times!!!” at which turned me on so much my own orgasm was mind blowing