What’s Too Old to Be Still Living at Home?

0 Posted by - February 24, 2009 - Real Life, Real Talk, Relationships, Love & Marriage

step-brothers-bed

Someone brought this up in the comment section the other day (I read them all) and I figured it deserved further discussion. Apparently there are a lot of grown ass people—male and female—that still reside with their mama-n-dem. Now before folks blindly pass judgment, even my ass may have never left the nest had I been dealt a different hand. Let me explain…

I lived at home until I was 24. Some may say that was too long for a man to be living at home, but I was actually there to help my single mother raise my three siblings, who are a decade plus behind me in age. Even though I had the basement apartment setup with my own entrance, kitchen and bathroom, I always felt a way about telling a woman that I still lived with my mama. After years of saving and waiting for my siblings to get a little bit older, I bought my first co-op and moved out on December 1, 2001. Everything was straight, I had a good job with a great salary and was doing it up until disaster struck.

Approximately a year later, on December 17, 2002, I got let go from my dream job and didn’t get another full-time gig for another three years. Chances are if I had lost my job a year earlier I never would have moved out and been stuck at my mama’s house ’til I was 27. Although I was making decent paper as a freelance writer, would females look at me sideways for being in my late 20s and still living at home? If they got to know me, probably not, but I still think the idea of a man living at home past a certain age doesn’t earn you much point with the ladies—on face value at least.

On the flipside, I don’t think females have the same stigma attached to living at home for an extended period of time. I’ve dated a few women in their late 20s and even early 30s that lived under their parent’s roof. I may have turned a side-eye initially, but since I had my own abode I didn’t stress it that much. I just knew any potential action would be happening at my place.

Now if both people live at home or have a tight roommate situation, then you’re assed out on all counts. I remember one of my homegirls that lived at home wound up talking to this guy that shared an apartment with his cousin. Okay, that’s not as bad as a grown ass man living with his mama, but homeboy’s spot was so small that he and his male cousin had to share a bed. (I always wondered if that was really his “cousin” or his down low lover, but I digress…). Needless to say, my homegirl saw that scenario and got the hell up out of Dodge with the quickness and told him to kick rocks—as I’m sure any female in her right mind would do.

So how do y’all feel about grown folks that still live at home with their parents? Is it a major turn-off? Do you take special circumstances into consideration, like getting laid off or saving up for a house, into consideration before shunning a potential boo? Does it make a difference if it’s a female or a male living at home? Why do females tend to get a pas son this? What if you were dating someone that had their own place and then some tragedy happened that forced them to move back at home? How old is too old for someone—male or female—to be living at home?

Speak your piece…

 

BONUS: Check me out giving the ladies over at Essence.com (click HERE) some manly advice on how to tell if a man is feeling you or not. Be sure to comment on their site and let them know how you feel about my advice. Maybe that could become a regular thing :)

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  • http://girlshesgottahaveit.blogspot.com/ Jennifer

    My ex man is 23 (I’m 22) and he still lives at home with his mom. He graduated college in ’07 and I never pressed him about getting his own place after that. Why? Because he was doing the wise thing of saving up to buy a house, rather than getting an apartment where the monthly rent would be the equivalent of a monthly mortgage, in some cases. In a situation like that, it wouldn’t be a turn off because he is still fairly young and he’s at home for a good reason. But if the guy is older and at home for whatever reason, he has to be ACTIVELY trying to change his situation. He has to be uncomfortable living at home and making a conscious effort to get out.

    Women definitely get a pass on this. I don’t know about other cultures, but as a girl with Haitian parents, I’m expected to stay at home until I am married. I’m sure others can relate. It’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. What if marriage isn’t on my list of things to do? I’d rather not go from my father’s house to my husband’s, anyway.

  • http://www.myspace.com/curvywitdreads904 Ms Curvy Wit Dreads 904

    Yes, there should be an age limit to living at home.(By mid 20′s at the LATEST) I moved out the nest @20…kinda by choice and by force..lol. But I also had a child to care for so when I moved out, I knew it was no playing games. Moms and Pops made it clear to me, once I was out, I was out. I dont think it was them being mean, it was moreso tough love. It’s been 7 yrs and I’ve been laid off/fired from several jobs, lost an apt or two, but those are growing pains. When I lost those apts..guess what? Mom and Dad STILL aint let me move back…so I had to live in a hotel for a few mths til I got back on my feet. It made me learn responsibility.
    Under extenuating circumstances…like illness, surgery, etc that may keep you from bein able to care for yourself, then i think that’s ok to move back home TIL U GET ON UR FEET.
    I think women get a pass on this in general because when it comes to parents..daughters tend to take on caregivin roles for their parents…especially those in their late 20′s early 30s…they may be carin for a parent in ill or declinin health..or contributin to their household. Men dont get it as easy because they’re men. Men expect to be treated like men and part of that definition means takin care of home..your OWN home…not mama’s. But men dont need to get their boxers in a bunch about it..its a double standard….deal with it. Women deal with the double standard of bein whores for bein sexually forward, etc etc…while men are stallions….well fellas….here’s a double standard that aint to image flatterin for ya’ll either…lol.
    Nuff Love
    Ms Curvy Wit Dreads

  • http://www.myspace.com/curvywitdreads904 Ms Curvy Wit Dreads 904

    I gotta add some mo’ while Im online cuz sista aint got internet access all the time..lol
    Too many young people nowadays are resting their weight on their parents/grandparents shoulders. Because they live at home well into their adult lives…or move out only to move back in because the outside world becomes too tough for them..they never learn how to fend for themselves…MEN AND WOMEN alike.
    I feel bad for those people who live with their parents for NO GOOD REASON. Cuz when mom, dad, big mama, poppi, pe-paw…or whoever ur livin with gets that “call to the Upper Room”, then you got a grown azz man or woman standin there confused like a nun holdin BIN-WA balls. Never had to pay rent/ mtg utilities faithfully (operative word…faithfully here), never had to stand up and face problems cuz there was always somebody to run back to or break the fall. Well, when the gravy train has come and gone…. a rude awakening is awaiting.

  • EmotionalFunk

    Well I think at some point it pretty bad if your living at home and your in your 30′s no matter if your a man or woman. Depending on the circumstances though like a gal pal of mine was living home in her 30′s and it was honestly sickening because she made loot had no expenses but all her money went to clothes and she was always sadly broke. She was quite vocal about never leaving home :-) That kind of stuff is what makes me look at someone sideways who lives at home, especially if they aren’t facing any problems and just are a cheap freeloader.
    I could not really date a guy who lives at home in his 30′s and I know 1 or two but they just seem to be very slow in getting it together. I’m so down with helping out family members because you should. If your grown and need to live at home still due to grad school, lay off, the family “needs your support” , to create a stable home for a child you have or even becuase the economy is so F’d up that your pay doesn’t match up with the housing market. I get that but you should be contributing financially just like you would in your own home. Thats what really puts the breaks on me dating people who live at home because more often than not they are freeloaders and its pretty hard to take someone seriously who not too motivated you know. Its just a major turn-off

  • http://sugahoney.blogspot.com suga

    I didn’t move out until 2 years after I graduated from college, but I still paid rent (more than I should have lol) and bills (even while in college), so I really didn’t think of it as a bad thing. I was laid off last summer and my mom practically begged me to move back in with her so I wouldn’t have to struggle so much, but I refused. 27, living at home? What kind of freedom would I have? And the late night quality time with my boo would definitely be in jeopardy. I told her that I’d rather struggle (thank God I was only jobless for 6 months because her house was starting to look mighty good).

    An ex of mine moved back home with his mom when he broke up with his live-in girlfriend. He claimed he was saving for a house but 3 years later, he’s still there. And I can’t help but give him the side eye because of that. Late 20s living at home? Not cool in my book unless your parents need your help, or you just can’t afford to live on your own. But if you have a swell paying job and just happen to like the comfort of mama ‘nem, I’d rather not date you.

    My current, does however, live on his parents property (they own a few houses) and pays (very low) rent and is in the process of saving so he can buy this particular house from them. Is that considered the same thing?

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    I just turned 4-0, and I live with my mother. Yea, you can laugh, but that’s just how it is and that’s that. Even though we share the same apartment, I don’t consider it still living at home because we split the bills 50-50 (hell, I think I’m even paying more). I’m from the Caribbean, and in the Caribbean folks live in the same house with their folks until they get married. Have I ever considered moving out? Every time we get into a heated argument. Then there are those privacy issues. But apartments and houses don’t come cheap these days, and I feel it would be a waste of money to buy another apartment when this one is big enough. And my mother has diabetes, and I feel like someone has to be there to keep a close eye on her. (The medication she takes puts her to sleep; she’s been known to fall asleep with food on the fire and candles burning.) I have a brother, but he’s on some mental or emotional trip and might as well not exist because he acts like he doesn’t have a damn mother he needs to look in on every once in a while. I know I have to leave sometime (when I get married, when I do eventually move out of the country). But I know that I’ll worry every day that I’m away and call in to make sure all is good with her. I would feel so much more at ease about leaving if I knew she had someone to check in on her. But she’s pretty much given up on dating, so I don’t see anyone being in the picture anytime soon.

    When I’m in a relationship, I always spend more time at the man’s house. My ex had the same situation as NWSO, living in the basement apartment and helping take care of his younger sister–and the mortgage. He was in his mid-30s when he bought his first house.

    I know other folks who are older than I am who are pretty much in the same situation. They live in the same apartment with their parents, but have pretty much taken over the bills and are watching over their sick parents.

    i don’t believe there’s an exact age when a person should move out of their parents’ home. It’s all up to the individual and the circumstances that causes said person to want to ride solo. And, yes, if I may be honest, I would have a problem with a man my age still living with his mama (in this country, because it’s different in other countries). But I wouldn’t hold it against him and not date him without knowing the circumstances. I just saw a story on TV about older folks moving back home–some with children–because of the recession. Times are hard, y’all.

  • Ange

    This is such a tough question. It depends on two things 1)location 2)culture. In big cities such as New York and whatnot, where it costs a zilllion bucks to live alone, it is more socially acceptable for a man to live at home for longer periods of time. This is not frowned upon as long as the brother has a career and not a job and is saving for a better life.

    Also in some cultures (I swear every other one but Black America) it is the norm for the children to stay at home to save money until they finish school and are married especially women. In the Black culture, it is understood that you leave once you are 18 and only come back if absolutely necessary. I think that we as a community need to support one another a bit more. I wish I had the opportunity to live at home for a year or two while I started my career. It sure would have saved my pockets and credit score!

  • StoryofaWoman

    I like to keep somewhat of an open mind about this subject, but I tend to not date too many people that still like at home. I’ve have some bad experiences where the guy sees that I have my own place and tries to stay with me, which is a turn off to the highest degree. But anyway, My main overall objective is to find someone that is stable, meaning that if they are currently at home for some reason it is only temporary, and they most of the time do have their own place. I am an overall pretty stable person and just want someone that can meet me halfway. I also see a difference between someone that is living at home and someone that is “staying” at home or someone else. Usually when you are “staying” with someone you are not paying bills at all or less than your equal share, 9 times out of 10 you do not have your own space that is respected, and could be uncomfortable. Therefor, you date someone that has their own place, guess where you are…..over at they house lol. I am skeptical of these people that are constantly used to “staying” with people because they may not have an idea of how to take care of a home, or know what it takes to have a home, or maybe even value having your own space. I also get tired of beong the host, having the guy be the one to come over all the time. I want to take a break and be someone’s guest once in awhile. I also am a single mother and I do not feel comfortable of letting multiple guys kick it at the house when my daughter is there.

    However, I do understand how people’s lives can have them “staying” with people sometimes, my youngest 18 year old sister has been staying with me for the last 3 months. It has definitely cramped my style a little in the dating department because I can’t “entertain” how I would like. This guy that I am dating is currently staying with his brother, he just moved from out of town. and he has the same problem (his brother has a girlfriend ), so I understand how it can be annoying. I told him that I feel like a teenager because i have to “sneak out” of my house to his when his brother isn’t there, or “sneek him in” when my sister isn’t here lol. But it’s cool for now, we try to go out more anyway (it’s just really cold up here in Minnesota right now). He said he is supposed to get his own place soon so I will see if he follows through with that.

    I haven’t met someone yet that actually “lives” at home because they are taking care of their parents or younger children……

  • StoryofaWoman

    I do feel that despite the double standard, it is unattractive for a women to be “staying” at home for a long period of time. I know some young women who are so used to being taken care of that they do not know how to take care of themselves. They end up “staying” at home only to move in with a man, then that doesn’t work she’s back at home until the next man comes around that has his own crib ( ironically these women will not date someone that does not have his own place). These same women constantly complain about how uncomfortable they are, and how their mother is “geting on their nerves,” but is so complacent with living with people that they will not take the chance to live on their own. They also don’t pull their own weught so they are being taken care of by someone else. They also do not appreciate how huge it is for someone to provide shelter for you. People like this do not understand how they will constantly be at the mercy of other people if they do not find a way to provide for themselves. Also, sometimes these women have small children and they are teaching their children to depend on people for their livelihood. Also, no matter what the arrangement is, a child, especially a small child, should have space, space for their own things, space to explore and enjoy themselves in. Sometimes the place that someone is “staying at” is not big enough to really accomodate them, people get frustrated, that frustration is passed on to the children that have nothing to do with it.

  • Simone

    I might have to wonder about that. In my case, I left my mama’s nest and went on my own at the age of 18. I had a 10p.m. curfew that I could not deal with and you know that saying, “two women can’t live in the same household.” (more of a West Indian saying I think). I had to go and I wanted to come and go as I please. Couldn’t do that at my parents house especially since they were so strict with my upbringing but I do not regret it.
    I am currently dating someone that lives with his aunt and he is my age, an age that he should be on his own but his excuse is that it is helping her out. Who am I to say otherwise or judge him cause he still there. Everyone has their reasons – to each his/her own.

  • K-Love

    I just moved back home in August of 08. I moved out of my parents home when I was 17 trying to be grown. I am back there for reasons beyond my control and It was the best thing to do for my son. Every situation is different, and I won’t judge a man, well not until I have the whole story. Now if dude just wants to live at home for GP and does not want anything else, that’s a problem, but if he is there for reasons like saving to purchase own home, or he’s a single father who needs the help from his parents to better the childs life. Those reasons are exceptable. Now if he is just there and mama still washes his clothes, cleans his room and he has no job, that is a serious issue. The movie Failure to Launch was a great example. He was so used to his life at home with mom and dad. For some people it is a comfort factor.

    Now in my case it is completely uncomfortable. I like to do what I want when I want, but that is another reason I am in my situation. I have always had my own spot and now that I don’t it’s so stressful, but it is less stressful than living in the bad neighborhood I was in, ducking gun shots while taking my son to day care. I had to draw the line and I swallowed my pride and went back home, something my parents have been trying to make me do for years. They even tried to get me to come back before I met my dead beat “baby daddy”. I am now clearing all the mistakes I made. Im Fixing my credit, almost back in the 700′s i may add. Im saving money, my 2 year old is in a gifted program offered in that city, and I’m making up for lost times with my parents as they are getting older and they kind of need me there. So really this was a blessing in disguise in my case. Im building a more stable future for my son as well as myself.

  • Chloe

    With a few exceptions, I just don’t get it. I have a friend girl that is 38, with a 7 year old son and has never lived away from home with the exception of the first year when she went off to college. She returned the next year and settled in at Clark here in Atlanta and back into her parents home, never to leave again. Yet, she has no understanding as to why she hasn’t had a true relationship in the last seven years since having her son. I just can’t imagine the side eyes she gets from brothers when she says that she still stays with her mama and daddy! Then you’re 38, with NO bills other than the cable but you are always BROKE! She has no since of responsibility, so what man would want to seriously date and even further, look at you as a potential wife if he knows you have no sense of responsibility. She’s so desperate for a relationship because she does not know what it means to live ALONE and every man she meets, she smothers him. It’s not good for her son either who keeps BEGGING her to get her own place. That is sad!! And then for me to meet a brother that does not have his own…sorry…..I’ve been laid off twice and I still refuse to go home and I have a child. I just have to knuckle down and penny pinch until I find something else. YES, there are exceptions and I do understand that with the economy as it is, you have to be flexible. But a grown man working living with his parents garners “few” exceptions for me and even with a roommate…here in the ATL (I understand the COL is vast in the North)….I can’t see it. You’re a GROWN ASS MAN…stop putting rims on the ride and buying new sneakers every two weeks and trying to buy our the bar at the club….and get your OWN!!!!

  • Peachy

    Well I definetly admit that women get a pass on this, and I was one of them I lived at home until I was 28…not that I didn’t want to move out but, I allowed my mother manipulate me into staying at home, everytime I got an apartment guide to move out she found reasons for me to stay, and honestly I didn’t fight her too hard I mean why should I … I was single … was working…in school… I was coming home to home cooked meals and my bills were minimum which allowed me to do other things I needed to do for school and wanted to do for fun…however, when she found her H.S. sweetheart and got engaged…and I had a girlfriend… I moved ASAP! at first it was hard because she would always call me for stuff and if I was too tired she would say “see if you still lived at home” or if I had an issue with my house mates she would say “you can always come home” …eventually she realized it wasn’t going to happen and had to cut the cord …we don’t live far from each other and we are very close but, she will still every once in a while say “you know if you want to you can move back home…” LOL, gotta love her :)

    • Browniekat83

      although this was 2yrs ago i will agree with u. Im 28 & still live at hm with my mom. But not bc i Love to live with my mom. But bc i dont feel its
      that big of a deal that im still living at hm, I do wht i need to do for myself & have been ever since i turnd 15 always i have worked and made money for myself. Ive done the roomate thing
      and also livin with a bf . I live in los angeles where the rent is Ass high as a alien smokin on a kite. & i dont have time or even want to live in a city where i know myself i wouldnt beable to pay the rent. So Vegas is where i plan to move by 30. & Further more I think Folks Worry too much about others & their living situations. Ive dated Guys who lived at hm with a parent or friend & by themselves. Right now im dating an oldr guy who has to sons and sometimes hes not even able to Show me a great time. So Folks need to Let it go and worry about not being back out on the streets.

  • soul2soul

    There should be a limit but it depends on the situation. I had all the intentions of living at home until I finished school and saved enough money to buy a house. Hurricane Katrina changed that for me. At 20 I had to get my own place and pay high ass rent but Im glad I did it. I cant see myself moving back in with moms unless I really have too. My best friend graduated from college last year and had to move back home. He’s ready to move out but money is tight. His girl lives at home with her mom and is pressuring him to get his own place. His parents are like mine. Respect my house and rules. No sleeping over. His girl constantly teasing him calling him a boy and telling him to man up. So I do understand his situation. You have a degree and no one is hiring so you take a job just to stay on your feet. My cousin lives with my aunt just because he scared to branch out. He’s 32! His excuse is the economy is too bad to get a house and it smart to just get one when he gets married.

  • LL

    I believe it depends, in this economy lots of people will be either living with family or shacking up, room mates, etc.

    Hell, my dad left NYC years ago and moved in with my granny, he took care of her for several years before she died. I have seen plenty of men stay at home with their mothers if the men aren’t married, sometimes we don’t know that they parent may have some sort of illness, etc to which instead of leaving them to fend for themselves or a nursing home some actually move back in.

    I think I have seen enough to know the difference between a shiftless person living off of others and a man or a woman who is staying home because in certain economies its cost effective.

  • Sugabear

    I’m 24 and i still live at home. I’m a pastry chef with my own dessert business. My parents built me a commercial kitchen in the basement. I don’t plan on moving out til i’m 27. I’m hoping that’s enough time for me to get my own place, as well as a storefront for my business. On one hand i know that is kinda old but on the other, owning a business is alot of work and takes a lot of MONEY!! My sister also still lives at home and she will be 32. She’s made some bad financial choices and she doesn’t look like she’ll be moving out anytime soon. She acts like it doesn’t bother her but i can tell she is really frustrated. She usually has an attitude! I think She feels like she should be at a different part in her life (married with kids). She now just says “I’ll move out when i get married, other cultures do that.”

    But as far as dating someone that lives at home, it just depends on the situation. I ask myself “Are they making moves to get their own place or are they a dead beat?

  • LINY1919

    Everything needs to be judged on a case-by-case basis. 2 of my best friends are Italian. I’ve noticed that in their culture, the parents love their children to stay at home and the kids make no effort to get out earlier than they need to. In fact, both of my friends’ older brothers moved out the day before their weddings and they were in their late 20′s early 30′s at that point!! If you’re okay with that being the cultural norm, then so be it.

    I’m 23 and I’m still living at home because after graduating college, I racked up over $120,000 in student loans, so for me, it’s financially beneficial.

    My boyfriend moved out and stayed out when he went away to college at 18. He owned his own condo in Ohio at 25, but moved back to NY after his father passed. 3 years ago, he bought a great house with his previous girlfriend (BIG mistake) and when they broke up, he told her to buy him out of his half. Now, he’s been back at home with his mother for the past 6 months to save up for a new home. At first, I was wary, but now seeing that he’ll be ready to buy another home in 2 more months, I see that him moving back home was actually really smart because with his amazing salary, all he’s paying is a car note and insurance.

    Every situation is different. I would definetely look sideways at a guy who still lives at home with his mother at 30 and has the means to get his own place, but refuses to because “I ain’t gotta pay no rent and food’s free.” That just shows a lack of motivation, in my opinion…

  • YoungJay

    I understand a lot of the reasoning for not wanting a man who lives at home with his parents, however think you should take it on a case by case basis. I am headed to Law School in the fall and turn 24 in a couple months. Am I less of a man for living home till Im 26 and done with school? Dont think so!

  • Ms. West

    I would say around 26 for a man. As far as I am concerned, if a man has a child or a steady girlfriend, he should be making the effort to bounce.
    Now, I am speaking from experience. I moved from home at 22, but I was engaged to a man, 4 months earlier who was 30 and still living with his mom and aunt. He only wanted to bounce when he saw that I was like YO! I’m out (of course he was trying to shack up with me).
    Look, a woman is looking at a mans potential to be independent and carve out his own niche, if your mom is still making your bed and washing and folding your draws, you look like a looser and for me I find that once a man sees that I live alone his first thought is JACKPOT!
    Get a job or a hustle, find a place and move. Seriously, stop writing your name on the orange juice…
    LOL
    26 is borderline too old…..Especially if you tryna bone in the crib…

  • http://www.tlawrites.blogspot.com tlawrites

    I think it all depends on the circumstances–male or female. If you are making plans to buy a place, furthering your education, taking care of an ill parent, hellping with siblings, OK cool. I could roll with that for a while. But I would also want to know that you have plans to move out when the time is right.

    The ability to DO FOR SELF (and eventually do for self) is something I find appealing in a person, whether the relationship is platonic or romantic.

  • SeriouslyNoSeriously

    Like everyone said it all depends on the situation and honestly what ur own opinions are about it. i personally dont think nothing of it, coming from a spanish family all my cousins lived at home til they were married and could live on their own and are doing well on their own…..some of my cousins moved in with their parents with a spouse and kids to help out their parents. the economy has everyone in a bind, and not everyone can come out of college student loans and all, land their dream job, purchase a home hell even rent a spot! I been out of my mom’s house since I was 18~my stepfather kicked me out, he was one of those people who believed that ur an adult at the age of 18 and u have to find ur way with no help whatsoever and it has been rough! I have moved around a lot but never homeless thank God but it as been tough. I havent been back even if I could I wouldnt go back(me & my moms dont see eye to eye on a lot)! But i’m not going to put that on my teenager…..i wont let my teenager be a slouch either……so it really all depends on the situation

  • Marshall

    Good morning….It depends on the situtation concerning the male still living with his parent/parents.If he’s striving for a better way of living its ok to a certain point: What is your goal,how long do you think it will take for you to achieve this goal, is you saving money and do you think as a man or do you still rely on your parents advise? We all still take advise from our parents/parent,however; is you an independent thinker?

    If my daughter choose to stay home,I wouldn’t have a problem with it.That way she can save money,be independent, and prepare for her future.

    Untlil next time be bless

  • Alexis

    Ladies get a pass because men are just that – MEN. Unless he’s got a super game plan, or a valid reason to be living in the same room that he grew up (such as helping out parents), a guy strips himself of his masculinity by not having his own spot to stake claim. Personally, I think if someone is still living at home past 26 then there’s a problem. I’m actually in the process of moving back in with Mom Dukes in a month or so. My roommate got knocked up and I’d rather stack my bread for a couple of months so I can look into buying my first home, as opposed to paying rent and over extending myself. I’m only 21 so even if I f*ck up the next two years, I’ve got time to bounce back. It’s not even that living at home is a turn off, it’s the apathetic image projected as a result. I know a couple of men in their mid/late twenties who act like they’re cool living at home, when really it’s buzzardry and lack of motivation that keep them there. NOT CUTE.

  • Shay

    I have just turned 30 and yes I still live at home. I am an only child and I have only lived away from home when I enlisted into the military. I earn a great salary and I can afford to live on my own, but I was advised by my therapist that it wouldn’t be a wise decision to move since my mother serves as a second parent to my child. We all (the three of us) have our own rooms plus ample space throughout the house and I pay for almost everything, so you might say that my mom lives with me, lol.

  • da ThRONe

    You date a person on you guys chemistry and respect for one in other. Im 28 and live at home if that turns you off good cause you arent the women for me anyways. Love me for me and for what i do for you dont love me because of my situation. Why do you think when people get married they say “For richer or for poorer”. I lose so much faith in humanbeings when i hear people talking about judging people. I cant for the life of me even think about not dating a girl based on where or who she lives not. Its not important at all

    If your 40 and comfrontable with your living arrangement who are we to tell somebody they should be ashamed? Ofcourse if i meet somebody and we wanna start a life together i’ll move ,but to move so females can think of me as suitable not going happen. I guess i just dont care what people say or what the masses do imma do me. If you dont like it so be it!

  • da ThRONe

    Happy Mardi Gras by the way people!

  • Mz. VooDoo

    First of all, thanks for the advice you gave on essence.com. It was very informing. Now how old is too old to be lving with your parent(s)? In my opinion if you are there paying the bills 50-50 like distinguishedgentlewoman then I see no problem. As a single mom, I don’t want my kids to go out in the world and be “stuck” with no place to go. They will always be welcome, but I will not continue to take care of them, especially if they are “able bodied”. My mom lives with me, she is retired and her income is very limited. So the tables can be turned.

  • Champ

    I lived at home….in my moms basement….from when i graduated college until i was 27 years old. Thats right, 27. And i had no problem with it. I paid my own cable and telephone all the while paying my moms $500-700/month in rent.

    Unbeknownst to be, my mom was banking the majority of the rent money i gave her into an interesting-bearing savings account. So when i told her i wanted to move out, she cut me a check to use for a downpayment on a condo. When I asked her where she got this large chunk of money from she told me “its your rent money. It didnt make any sense you wasting your money on paying someone rent when you can pay me to hold it for you.”

    I am now 30 and one of the few people my age that actually owns property.

    Moral of the story: F**k what looks good in the eyes of others…cause at the end of the day you gotta do whats best for YOU.

  • Righteous Mama

    If you aren’t caring for a sick or elderly parent or grandparent, anyone male or female over the age of 25 should have their ass out of the house.

    In my 20′s though I noticed another trend with men and that’s men who shack up with women and have never had their own place. I can’t stand a man who is quick to shack up with a woman. I know a guy who JUST recently got his first place residing on his own at the age of 30 and even I still can’t really count that because a woman helped him come up with the security deposit. Damn…. man up!!! Man or woman, you gotta be able to stand on your own two feet!

  • da ThRONe

    There are no rule book on life. There are some clear cut things dont kill people, honor your parents, dont cheat on your spouse ,do what you have to to provide for your children to name a few. But there is nobody in this world who can tell you how to be happy with your life. If you are happy at home ,your people respect your privacy ,and there ok with you being there then the hell what anybody says you do whats best for you. Im so sick of everybody forcing there beliefs on everybody else. Thats great you be on your on since you was 11 ,but no two people situation is the same. If you would judge me based on were I sleep @ then you are the with bigger issues cause im good.

    I dont know why some people have to feel like they’re better than other people all the time. Sad!

  • Reema

    Firstly I must say that I absolutely LOVE this blog and have been reading it ever since I found out about it through MySpace 2 weeks ago!

    With that being said, if you are a mid 30′s or above man or woman who is living with your parents and noone is sick or retarded – you should be ashamed of yourself. I’m sorry but that is how I honestly feel in my heart. I think we ALL look at someone sideways if they are 36 talking about “yeah, I live with mom’s but I pay half of the cable..” – stop playing! Maybe I feel this way because I am african – american but I have never met one sane 40 year old person, man or woman who was living with their parents just for the sake of living there and they weren’t wierd. Y’all know what I mean. Now getting laid off and/or having financial difficulties is one thing, that’s different…but being a big stank 39 year old adult and living with mommy…i dont know…

  • Nikki J

    Um basically in summary (I just ate and I’m full.lol) grown folks need to live alone. I got into a lil spat err um challenge with an assembly woman yesterday. I was lobbying her on education issues and she said to me..”you missed school today..” and I’m thinking “hold up lady I’m is grown..I’m 28!” (well the beginning part was in my head). In any case she said “Oh so being 28 make you grown?” (again in my head.. ) “umm duh..when the bill collector call my house.. he ask to speak to me not my mama or daddy.”

    Point being – while there are some particular cases that are exceptions.. I’m not too fond of grown men (I don’t date young boys..well.. yeah.. typically I don’t..lol) living at home. If I’m paying bills and going to work everyday with no one to rely on but me.. I want you to have the same drive and when your mama is ironing your clothes, registering your baby for school, grocery shopping and calling the exterminator ..YOU IS AIN’T GROWN..

    Thanks for listening.

  • mch2sweet

    Who gave anyone the right to judge any other person??? Ever heard the saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” I think people really need to step back and think before they dismiss someone because of where they live! I’m a single 28 year old female who has lived at home (or the equivalent of home) the majority of my 20′s. Now I have my own, as ne-yo and jamie foxx says. I own my car and house, I pay on time, and I dont ask any one for anything, as a matter of fact I help my mother pay her bills. There were times that men have turned their noses up when they found out I lived at home, but hey thats their lost not mine!

  • Hersheys Kiss

    I would say mid twenties is the time to move out of the nest only if you are able too. If you are able to make a move and financially able to do it. If you aren’t making any effort then tha tis bad on your part. If you live at home with your parents at least help out with bills. To me if you are 25 to 40 and still living at home that is trifling. The only way I would go back to live with mom and dad would be if they needed me to care for them and keep up with them, also If I was sick and I needed someone to take care of me if I am not married. However, no matter what gender, make the effort to be independent.

  • AMR

    I don’t want to date anyone who lives at home. Period. I understand special cases especially in THIS economy…but prior to this recession no one in my dating range experienced an economic downturn like this so I don’t see any excuse for being “grown” and living a home (again…this economy is an exception because you can be willing and able and still not have a job currently…prior to this…anyone who is able could get some sort of legal income). Yes saving up for a home is a reason…but I still don’t think its a good one. I am biased, because I haven’t lived at home since after my freshman year in highschool…went to boarding school, went to college and never looked back. I also don’t think there should be a double standard on the topic either…women and men….once college is over…you should find a way…if necessary get a roomate, cousin (heck yeah that was some DL ish – LOL!!), friend of a friend, Craigs List…whatever just get your own space. If you live at home…you still have to answer to your momma or daddy in some way shape or form…until you don’t have to do that…you’re not grown and I only date grown folk.

    I met a guy once who lived in a basement apartment kinda like what you described, separate from the house…so still living at home, no matter how he tried to throw smokin mirrors around it and he thought it was cool for him to still own a Range Rover!!! WTF kind of ignorant ish is that…Honda Civic and and apartment would have garnered him a lot more attention from this woman. I also don’t respect a man with a really nice car and a roommate….I just don’t get people and their cars. Your home is supposed to be nicer than your car…not visa versa! (But that is a WHOLE other topic)

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ MoonSTarz,

    Just playing devil’s advocate what does YOUR privacy have to do with HIS own place. Yeah, you would go to your man’s place, but what about yours? So you’re saying a man has to have his own place but you don’t?

    Double standard, much?

    lol

  • MoonStarz

    I totally understand students living at home for more extended periods of time. That is the smart thing to do. I would never put my kids out if they were students or not allow them to come back home if they moved out and then lost a job.

    Personally though, I like my privacy so I would prefer a man who had his own place.

  • ms-tnt

    I believe that a guy over the age of 30 years old living at home with his parents is a major turn-off!!! However, I do believe that under certain circumstances such as taking care of his parents (instead of placing them in a convalescent home), or losing their jobs and homes due to the economic situation of our country is completely understandable.

    But for those who are riding around town in a Mercedes Benz, wearing all the top designers, and always judging the status of other individual and in my opinion, it makes no difference if you are a man or woman this is a huge problem.

    Recently, I met this 28 year old guy, with a college degree, good job, fancy car, motorcycle, and always dress in designer clothes but roommate with his uncle. Now, having a roommate may not be on the same lines of living with his parents, but this individual let it be known that he was high maintenance and asked me if I be willing to deal with that. HUH???? This left me speechless! I believe a man must be fully capable of standing on his own two feet, meaning having his OWN, and not living at home or with a roommate in order to keep up with the Jones or afraid to leave the nest.

  • asj

    i think that grown folks that live at home with their parents must be there for a reason or b/c life dealt them a bad hand. i think its only a turn off if the person isnt doing anything to work towards getting their own place. now since its a recession and people do get laid off and such, i would cut a dude some slack, b/c thats a legitimate reason to be living at home, at least till things work out. if its a male, the assumption is that they are a bum and have no intentions of moving out or doing anything with their lives, just because they live at home. as for women living at home, it just means they havent established themselves yet or something happened that made them have to move back home. also, its sort of accepted for women to live at home if they are single b/c some people still believe in living at home until they are married. if someone is over over 25 and still living at home and they dont have a legitimate reason, they are too old to be living at home.

  • Warren G

    My situation is totally understanding. When I migrated form Jamaica to the US my wife and I and sis and her husband and my little brother all left our homes that we owned(we were all in our mid thirties) My mom’s condition was that we pay our bills finish/statrt school, save our money tnen move on no matter how long it took. My yoonger brother who was single at the time bought a house and we, minus our parents all moved in with him. Mom was very upset but she got over it. Within 5 years we all got our own place. So its cacse by case. You can’t be judgemental…….well American women(black) just can’t seem to help it.

  • Ms. Niki

    I’ve been on my own since I was 18 so I expect anyone I’m dating to be on my level….except under certain circumstances. If they’re in college still and are helping their parents out…it’s acceptable to a certain extent. But a guy who is too comfortable and I don’t see him taking steps to branch out on his own…is a definite turn-OFF to me. I have my own apartment, and car. And I may live paycheck to paycheck but I have my own. No one tells me when I can come and go. This doesn’t slaughter the guy’s chances with me…I do get to know a person before I jump the gun about their living situation.

  • Ms. Niki

    I do think 32 + is a little TOO OLD to be living at home. You should be established by then. Regardless of the economic situation. And too many people get comfortable and don’t want to move outta that comfort zone….definitely not becoming…

  • missd

    I see both sides of the spectrum and yes there is a double standard. I have had my own place and moved back in wit ol’ girl multiple times in my 20′s. I think sometimes we are so bent on trying to declare our independence that we kind of miss the big picture. These are economically hard times (though this is not meant to be an excuse but a reasoning). So, why move out only to have to move right back in. I am 30 (almost) and I live at home. Yes, I have a desire to have my own place again, be it house or apartment, but right now I am not stressing the fact. I just finished school and am trying to make a decision about my next big move.
    On the flip side, a man that lives at home……well, If he likes it; I love it. Just know that if there are [living at home] certain things will not be going down. I just would feel too weird because of my upbringing doing certain things under my or anyone else’s moms roof. There are ways around this, though, if you are creative enough. I agree with some other posts. I would liike my man to be as motivated as me no matter what his current situation is.

  • Gooch

    depends on the situation. If a woman lives at home for a good reason, like they’ve moved back because they’re leaving their career to go back to school or something like that, I think it’s cool. Or maybe they just finished school and haven’t gotten things going yet.

    I lived at home till I was 25. I definitely didn’t feel too good about that, graduating college and still living at home, when everyone else my age at the time (22) was getting into their post-college lives. But I was also making music full-time, which is a grind in and of itself. It takes years to break in. I didn’t even look for a job until I was 25.

  • MoonStarz

    @NWSO

    LOL

    I moved out when I was 19 so no double standard there. My privacy relates to a man having his own place because, well, I’m NOT sleeping with you at your mama’s house. I was just trying to put that out there in a nice way.

  • Elle

    As many others have stated, it depends on the situation.

    In times like these, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to move back home if you lost your job and can only live off your savings for so long. Before I end up under the nearest bridge, I’d move back. No shame in that. In other cultures multiple generations of a family live under one roof. Babysitters are not necessary. Shared expenses, shared responsibilities … I can’t see anything wrong with that. Yes, it might be annoying at times (Parents!!!) but it definitely has it’s advantages.

    My mom for example is up there in age already. And since she lived alone and started having some health related problems I decided it would be best if she moved in with me. So I emptied out my office, put a bed, a desk and a closet in it – and voila. Now I don’t have to worry about her well being anymore AND I have the best babysitter for my dog when I’m not home. On top of that, I don’t have to give her money every month so she can live a little more comfortably because now her retirement money is more than enough.

    I know quite a few people who rushed moving out and ended up in financial problems, bad credit and what not. Is that really worth it? Just to keep up the appearence? Or to live by some standards that simply don’t apply to life in the year 2009?

  • lola

    I am a 26 yr old female living at home w/ my single mother.

    I initially moved out when I was 18 to go to college and after college I ended up moving back home, for what was supposed to be a temporary stay. After 3 years I am still here.

    As stated before, males and females are treated differently. For the first year or so I told my mom I was moving out to get my own place but she always discouraged it b/c she did not want me living on my own.

    Every situation is different.

  • 24.7sunshine

    So im 24 and i moved BACK in wit my parents about 8 months ago… im a single mom and im in school full time tryin to get my nursin credentials so i can take care of my parents without living with my parents… while it is a pain and a major damper on my love life to be here i do it for not just me and my child but for them cuz they needed the financial help and i needed the support…

    so i guess its like this livin at home is acceptable if it is for a reason… you livin at home to save for a home of your own and finishin school.. yes by all means keep yourself at home till its time to go within limits by the time im 25 ill be back out and by the grace of god i wont have to come back… but for guys its different even if doin it for a good reason most women still look down on it.. i myself say dont stay at your parents house till your 35 talkin bout you been savin since you were 20 to get a house… lol it dont take that long.. and if somethin unforseen happens that makes it impossible for you to make it anyother way… dont overstay your welcome… parents have lives they wanna live too

  • Soulyn

    After finishing college and moving back home, I definitely had a plan to move once my money was right. At the age of 24 I moved out into my own place. I made the mistake(learning experience) of dating a 30 year man still living at home. He said he was saving to buy a home. I gave him some time but then he made the mistake of purchasing another BMW. That was the last straw. His priorities were obviously not in the right place. I feel that parents should encourage their children to move out after a certain age and experience life on their own. I’ve since learned from that experience and vowed never to date one who resides under their parents roof.

  • Brad

    Well, I lived at home until I was 41. Im not kidding you, I said 41. Its not that I didnt want to move on my own, but I had one of those hysterical mothers who did everything to keep me under her nest. The good news, all that time I was saving money. By the end of 2008, I had accumulated $100,000 in savings. By early next year, hosing prices hit rock bottom. I figured this is the time to do some serious looking.I wasnt impressed with the first few homes, and then I found THAT place. A brand new foreclosed home in mint condition for $55,000 — and this is in southern california. A beautiful home that was purchased for $255,000 in 2005. Now the question was all cash or credit. And since I had accumulated $100,000, I took the plunge by making an all cash buy. Best decision I made. I moved out!! Mom still had to be convinced. Her main concern was who was going to take her to her club meetings and hairdresser? I , nevertheless, had to think about what is best for me, and the time was right.
    If I had to do it over again, I would have asserted myself with mom. She has a very over indulgent personality. In other words, I wouldnt live at home. Its just not a good thing if you want any kind of a social life. There is a silverlining though. If I hadnt lived under these circumstances, I couldnt save as much and buy a home outright at 41! Im in good shape financially. And in normal circumstances, I wouldnt acheive this dream until my mid 60`s to early 70`s.

  • My As Well Be Dead!

    Well folks, here goes an embarrassing thing to be truthful about. I am 45 and still live with my mom. My sister is 56 and still lives with me and our mom. Not because we like it mind you. But because both my sis and I have always had crappy low wage jobs where we could not afford to live on our own. Pathetic! Is,nt it? Sometimes, no make that all of the time I would rather be dead when I think about it!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ My as well be dead

    I hope that your screen name and tone of your comment is in jest. I’m sure you and your sister’s living arrangements have a valid reason. Yeah, women may frown upon it, but is that a reason to be dead? Hardly. And if it is that much of an issue, try and save up. Maybe a good friend of yours wants to room up. Shoot, what about your sister?

    You have a roof over your head, which some don’t even have. And truthfully, given the economy I’ve heard more and more people talk about moving back home. Just the reality of the times we live in now.

    hold your head

  • Anonymous

    In this economy it is understanding. Do you want to be independent so you can survive on romen noodles? Or vienna sausages? And have no furniture? Or better yet be grands in debt? Sorry but someone must have issues if they don’t except anyone that lives with their parents at a certain age. That person needs to make the decision on their own. I’m 26 and I’m ready to get out. I have two jobs and will be out within the next month. I’m ready now because I made that decision. That last six months I have decided to be on my own. Not because some low self-esteem issue women says, “Well I don’t date someone because they live at home”. I haven’t had any problem at all dating women. I’m not even ready to get married yet. So please, if you don’t like someone who lives at home, then just don’t date them. Don’t go on her bragging about how wonderful and how perfect you are. If you want to be out there, then do it because you want to be. Not because someone else says you won’t be popular if you aren’t. It’s not true at all.

  • Anonymous

    Oh and by the way, I want everyone on this board that thinks there should be a certain age, “when you should be out” to elaborate how perfect they are how much better they are because they are out. I’m sure you “on your owners” are much better. I’m sure you’ve never done anything wrong, and I’m sure have the right to judge everyone because that one person that lived at home dated you and dumped you and now “everyone that lives at home” is a screw up.

    Should I start saying that everyone “that couldn’t get along with parents or did millions of drugs or stole or cheated” is a total screw UP and not independant in life?

  • Anonymous

    oh ya and if you have any credit card debt you aren’t excepted either and that makes you a terrible looser and un-independent person that I would never even want to say “hello” to until things got fixed. Right? No one should ever associate with someone like this.
    Okay… Is this how we should take on to things in the world we are living today? I don’t think so……

  • Keisha

    Remember when going to college/university and getting a degree could in essence guarantee you a decent starting career? That the investment you made in yourself would pay off within a decent amount of time? Sadly that is no longer the case and hasn’t been for a good long while, so this trend toward moving back home after school is not just dependant on culture, it’s all of North Amercian society (I’m in Canada).

    Is there a double standard between men and women? Of course! This happens to be one that favors women slightly over men, but we all know there are double standards in a multiple ways that favor dudes.

    I am not one to say at what age SHOULD someone move out. But let’s all be real – HUMANS JUDGE BOOKS BY THEIR COVERS. Its what we do. I wish we could be more honest with ourselves in that reality. We want nice hair, nice teeth, clean skin, shapely body, undeformed toes. We also want a winning personality, caring about self, family and society at large, sensitive but not TOO, independent but not TOO, assertive without aggressive, proud but not cocky. Dudes want a girl that can ‘be a freak in the sheets, but lady in the streets’. Ladies want a dude that will pick up her from wherever she’s at and shower her with gifts (material or emotional). Am I making generalizations? Sure, but I’m not that far off if you really sat and put a list together.

    I don’t drive, so I cannot place that high on a list of a potential mate. Is it on the list? Of course, it just makes dating easier and transit is usually more an excuse to flop on his side than it is mine.

    I went to school, came back and after a year, valued my freedom/piece of mind more than the money I was saving. I love knowing the mess created is mine alone. That I am not obligated to speak to a soul and can have my desolate funky moods when I want. My mom raised me to be an independant adult, so it was only a matter of time. Sure, it put me into debt, I made some financial decisions that I definately wouldnt have made living in my mom’s house, but that’s part of growing up – making your own mistakes. I’m glad I was able to pull myself out of that hole and can now do the things I want to do with my own money.

    I don’t judge people who live at home. I question those who have no motivation to leave it. Parents spend 18 years raising and shaping their children. There comes a time when I presume, they look forward to having an empty nest. Is it fair to deny them that because you want to save pennies? I’ve met people (and dated a dude) who says he’s saving towards a house, but in reality they are just deluding themselves. I judge the lack of drive/ambiton towards setting a goal/deadline for oneself more than the location in which they live.

    I am not a heathen for not wanting to date a 30 yo man who doesn’t have his own place, because at this stage, I want to date someone who matches the level I am at. Especially since chances are, if/when we decide to move the relationship to the next stage – we’ll be growing together and saving money. Money to go towards house/wedding etc.. Many of the posts above me mentioned that the person was living at home, but with minimal bills was STILL in financial debt. If I’m trying to marry a person, do I want to do so when they can’t handle finances properly? Esp when they are at the height of the least amount of financial responsibilities? Who would?

    I get that life has a way of getting in the way of what your goals and plans may be. You deal with cards you have been dealt in the way that works best for you and your family. Things may not go the way you envisioned, and you don’t always get what you want, when you want it. But the key is to want it.

  • da ThRONe

    @Keisha

    There is a difference between an impression and a judgement. Its human nature to form impressions but to start judging others based on these impression is where I think people go wrong.

  • Keisha

    @ King ;)

    I agree with you on that.

    I guess for me, if I start dating someone who lives at home, I would hope that it’s not a situation that he wants to be for as long as possible without a plan. Do you have a savings account, accrewing (sp?) interest to go towards said house you say you are saving for? Have you spoken to a bank/financial advisor about how much you would need to get the house you might want? Do you know what the market/housing climate is in your area? If you haven’t done any of those things, no thoughts to do those things – I will judge you accordingly. I know the Bible says judge not, lest ye be judged – but my conclusions would be drawn based solely on the image of yourself that you are projecting.

    I guess I just want someone whose words and actions meet!

  • da ThRONe

    @Keisha

    *This is completely a rhetorical question*

    But how many of those question do you know the anwers to?

  • Keisha

    @ Throne.

    1 out of 3. but – I’ve been on my own for a few years and am still deciding if in which country my future lies…therefore I make no pretenses about wanting to buy a house in the near future. When it comes up, I’m sure I’ll be 3 for 3!

  • Anonymous

    I have been seeing a male 7 years; current age of male 45 years old. When I started seeing male 7 years ago; he said he was looking for home to buy and was living with parents. Now, 7 years later still living at home with parents; did buy home that needs fix up approx 1.5 years ago but barely fixed up and still not living in it. Waz up with that?

  • john

    there is nothing wrong with living at home with parents at 29. I enjoy being around my parents and going places together and its my choice. I am an only child. I have friend thats 32 and his brother is 30 they both live with their parents. Thereis nothing wrong with atleast living with parents till 35.

  • trw

    So after reading everyone’s responses to this, I guess it’s my turn. Dating a 40 year old man who lives at home. Does not pay rent, does not make dinner, does not make his own lunch, does not have any responsibilities other than to work and spend his money on trips.

    I on the other hand is a single parent, who has to pay 1/2 of everything? I don’t mind, but really? Do you know how much a gallon of milk is??? He is a great person with a loving heart, but after one year of being together, nothing has become of this. hmmmm

  • scott

    There is no reason whatsoever for a young man over 21yrs to live at home unless disabled in some way, bad economies college bills no jobs are all just excuses to be lazy and weak.

  • sha

    Im 26 and Im still at home. Do I like it? No!!!!, but alot of things are situational. When your striving to be an entreupreneur and consistently getting involved with the wrong people (think greed)
    and lack of money ( I dont want to even go there) to finalize a product that the world needs what do you expect?

    You need a lot of support. You honestly think its easy to focus
    on bills while doing such a task (expensive one)? Its very difficult and depressing and because my situation is a very, very uncommon one I dont expect people to understand why Im still at home and I personally dont care.

    What would you do? exactly, you dont know cause its not you, its not your situation so who cares right?

    What you think I been doing with most my time while at home? sleeping around? partying? spending money like im rich? My main goal is to finish the product and not only will I be able to support myself, but I can help others who are in the need.

    I realized, that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to finalize what Im doing unless I get around some good people with money. I have one patent, and Im going to file another one that is more advanced before I approach a machine shop so they dont steal my stuff and bank off my hard work.

    So before you start judging others, get to know their situation, because there are people out there in really unfortunate situations. As for me,I have a plan, and I realized that this is the only thing that matters since it can bring true independence.

  • Ben

    i like the way people who are judging others as “unattractive” or in some way not living up to their standard for living at home assume that they themselves are some sort of prize catch that everyone should be climbing over each other to get. sorry people, but i decide where i live based on what suits me, whether it attracts you or not really doesnt make a difference. consider: your place of residence and thus your entire life vs some random idiot who will judge you based on who you live with…yeah, you wonder why nobody cares?
    ill be moving out this year, i just finished studying and am looking for my first full time job, if someone else wants to stay at home into their 30s and their family are comfortable with that then good for them and theyre lucky to be avoiding shallow relationships built on flawed expectations and illogical thinking. it may not be for me, but that doesnt mean id reject someone else because of it…

  • Miss Conception

    Not to be the devil’s advocate, but why not feel like you are a catch? Would you still be attracted to me if I didn’t feel like I was worth having and keeping? Those insecurities can affect a lot more than just my confidence in approaching someone. So, if I find you unattractive because I don’t want someone that is living with his mother and I may be in a better situation than you, perhaps that is my right to do so. Not that I do, but I can’t blame the woman who make six figures, moving up in her career, young, owns her house not wanting someone that doesn’t meet her standards. Most women work too hard for where they are, she has every right to have standards a man must meet.

    Now, personally, I won’t judge someone if they live with their parents and are going somewhere in life. At least be an adult to help your parents out living underneath their roof now that you have the capability to work and perhaps work towards moving out because no disrespect, but you got to have your space. Otherwise, I don’t want to be attracted to a bum. Sorry, not in my preference for a man to live with his parents or mama, no job and not trying to get a job (not even a fast food or waiter job to hold over until the economy gets better), no real goal in life. To me, you wouldn’t really care for me or want to help me since you aren’t helping your parents. In the real essence, you are just helping yourself by making sure someone else cares for you. Am I still wrong for making my assessment?

  • llmbs

    @ Miss Conception

    I agree with you here. Like I said you have to know the situation. If such a man has capabilities (rather it be finding work, working, etc), but doing nothing,sitting around, absolutely no motivation not even trying to find work, and watching the days go by, then yes this man has a problem.

    I noticed this kind of stuff (mediocre man) when I was 15 yrs old (26 now), while all the people my age were having fun. I learned what not to do as a man. I work two jobs now, and although they are not the best, I try to utilize my time as best as I can. I have goals, goals that take a little longer than average goals (degrees, etc) but when I’m done I dont want some girl to be attracted to me now that I have.

  • nicole

    well here is the deal….my 40 year old boyfriend still lives in his mom basement..moved out and lived with females before me..but moved right back in..he has never lived on his home ever since…mind u he makes over 75 thousand a year..and can afford rent..but for 15 years he has been working his job..and now i have been pressuring him to move out..but all he talks about is saving money to buy his own place..he doesn’t want to pay rent. come on is is 40 years old..loves with momma and he doesnt see it as a big deal..dont know what to do. i am 27 and live by myself.

  • Ben

    why not think you are a catch? well lets see, alexis up there is clearly sexist, righteous mama and ms-tnt is just plain ignorant, nikki j sounds like she rides the shortbus with her lack of comprehensible english, AMR falsely aligns maturity with independence, shall i continue? personally, i find each and every one of these attributes a bigger issue in a partner than where they live because every one of them is superficial and/or falsely aligning residential status with character. so no, i dont see these people as being a “catch”.
    still be attracted to you? im not attracted to you. i dont know you.
    nobody said it isnt an individuals right to do so, the difference here is that people are positioning themselves as being better than those people they are rejecting. for instance, i may find asian women unattractive, which is perfectly fine, but once i start posting on message boards, claiming them to be somehow inferior or judging them, then youll find thats totally not on. her standards dont give her the right to outwardly judge others based on their location of all things.

    “Now, personally, I won’t judge someone if they live with their parents and are going somewhere in life.” then you arent doing what im commenting about are you?

    the people youre commenting about as being “bums” arent the entire population of people who live at home, and thus, in making a blanket statement about those who do – like the above mentioned people – is a problem. nothing youve said is insulting to anyone because youre not judging the group as a whole and you arent saying anything that isnt true. whats wrong is making assumptions that all those who live at home fit this mould.

  • Ben

    yes because its in no way prejudiced or bigoted to assume that everyone who lives at home fits the same mould as some other guy you dated.
    if you made a similar statement about someone of another colour youd be called racist.

  • Ben

    could you choose an opinion and stick with it?

  • Miss Conception

    well, Ben, maybe you’re right. Maybe I am not a catch for you or I am someone that you are attracted to. But I am to someone, and that is the person I am supposed to be with. And Ben, you will find someone that isn’t like us but will accept you for who you are and where you live.

  • Miss Conception

    I am sure if that girl is right for you, she wasn’t attracted to you because you got something. She is attracted to you regardless of if you have it or not. But, sadly, I know a few “bums” personally, and these are people I want something better for them than what they have. But, these type of people don’t see life the way you do. They see life as someone taking care of them because no one try to show them how to care for himself/herself.

  • Ben

    …eh? at what point did i say i was single?

  • College

    I’m 20 years old and going to college full-time and living with my parents. I will be moving out to an apartment and transferring to a large university in about 3 months. I’ve decided I want to move out, go to school full-time, work part-time, and also develop a business part-time. I messed up really bad as a teenager (Drugs, arrests, etc.) but just got my life together with a clean record and a decent GPA. People, you really should start to change as young as possible because eventually it will be too late.

    Start NOW! If I can change, so can you!

  • Just saying

    I think it depends on the situation. My brother in law is 26 lives with his mom has never went to college, doesn’t pay rent, and only recentely did he get a job because two of my and his nephews told him it was unfair that grandma works two jobs and he doesn’t work even one. This woman is approaching 60 and working two jobs to support herself and her son who never gives her dime of his money for room and board. My husband offered him a full-time job so that he could make more money and try and get out of mom’s house but he turned it down because my husband told him that he would have to work weekends. His mom bought him a car which he didn’t pay a dime for so that he would stop using her car all the time and she also pays all his insurance. I’ve offered to help get him back into college or even a trade school but he refused because ‘it would cut into his free time’. He’s freaking lazy and refuses to do anything to help himself. Any money he makes from his part-time job goes to alcohol and drugs. I’m not saying there aren’t people who live at home and work and go to school. But some do absolutely nothing and need to at least make an attempt to do something other then living off of momma.

  • Jcdew67

    I am 44 and live with my parents.I moved out at 18 and was almost married twice.
    Became a single Father at 24 with no child support.
    I moved back in with my parents after a woman took everything I had,I was paying the bills while she was saving her money in a bank account. I let her use my money to pay the bills BUT she wasn’t,she was taking my money and putting it into her bank account.
    She took off and left me with nothing,she got me fired and she ruined my credit.
    44 and living with my parents,I pay $800/month for rent and utilities,it is a bedroom in thier house.
    I pay the rent,mow the yard,clean,repair both my parents cars(for free)Keep my mother’s computer and network running flawlessly(for free)
    I love the way people say things like to judge people yet they themselves have had thier parents pay for thier Collage or buy thier car etc.
    Both of my parents are considered 100% disabled btw.
    I enjoy living there and helping them,much better than living by myself.
    Until or if I ever meet the right woman I am happy staying with my parents.

  • Anonymous

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  • Anonymous

    Hi My name is “Thomson” just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 5years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn’t want to loose her but everything just didn’t work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster bishopjakesmore@gmail.com who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him bishopjakesmore@gmail.com… Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.

  • Guest

    im dating an el salvadorian guy (for over a yr now) that shares a one bedroom with his mother. They even share the bedroom-2 beds in one bedroom-id feel better if he were to sleep in the living room, or get a 2-bedroom-he can certainly afford it since he makes plenty of money and does pay all the rent and bills there. It concerns me that he chooses to share a bedroom with his mother even though he does not have toand does not make any effort to see me. He is almost 31 years of age.

  • midnightmoon12345

    im dating an el salvadorian guy (for over a yr now) that shares a one bedroom with his mother. They even share the bedroom-2 beds in one bedroom-id feel better if he were to sleep in the living room, or get a 2-bedroom-he can certainly afford it since he makes plenty of money and does pay all the rent and bills there. It concerns me that he chooses to share a bedroom with his mother even though he does not have to. He is in his early 30′s

  • Lala

    I’m a 45 year old female and I still live with my mom.

  • Den Spence

    shoot since I was 18 til present time I always had a hard time meeting a woman, regardless if I lived on my own with a roommate or at home. now I am finishing up my degree which my own parents pulled me out of college from.

    Why the hell would I care what women think? If I went out and spend $2100 a month on an apartment, I would be losing a lot of my finances JUST to make some woman whom I haven’t even MET yet happy???? F*ck that! Women if you are this conceited and superficial, I could give a damn what you want, I DONT WANT YOU! how’s that! haha. and if I did meet a decent girl she wouldn’t even care where I live. I had one when I was 27-28 and it worked FINE to the point where all you turnoff bastardchild women tough luck. this girl wanted me to stay with her as much as possible to the point OF moving in with her. I have never before or since been with a better girl.

    And I had a fancy car and a job and lived at home..and I was big into computer games and everything was going well. She wanted to marry me and have me go finish out my degree while she worked and I was going to use my savings to SUPPORT MYSELF while living with her.

    Now I have amassed 4x as much $ as I had at that time and she is gone because she had to move back to her country.

    So yep…. screw you guys I’ll keep my $$$$ and I’ll get my education and keep getting my jobs. If it was up to you, why would I not be living my own life? give me a break! After I’m done with college and have my own place, I’m still not going to bother looking for gold digging trolls like you people. The girl I was with is studying to become an RN and probably will move back here and make more money than you people are capable of.

  • elliot

    I work at walmart and they refuse to pay me well enough so I can save up quick enough to be able to move out of my parents house. We live in a ranch house and I don’t even get the predictable basement room, my bedroom is so small it’s just a glorified walk-in closet. Every time a major bill hits, like auto insurance or a doctor visit, my savings are wiped out and I’m back to ground zero in my bank account. It sucks, I’m not getting anywhere, and the taxes and deductions just keep getting worse every year. I’m frustrated and lonely, all my friends have moved away and I have never had a girlfriend my entire life. I have struggled to find the confidence to ask some women where I work and all I ever get is “sorry I have a boyfriend/sorry I’m married.”

  • Pineapple Cowgirl

    My recent ex is 49, never married, living at home. Will not commit to anything permanent; job, relationship, etc… until me. So he said- he knew I expected to either be married or be separate. I fell in love with him, living in his moms house- I moved in temporarily, and he asked me to stay and eventually put a trailer or build a house on the common property… I agreed.
    However, his mom seemed to want to be in the middle of every decision we were making- too close for comfort- for me, but he had no boundaries and was unable to establish any. When I asserted myself she accused me of being “mean” to her. He picked up on that and began aligning himself with “Jo”, as he calls her, and accusing me of being rude. She was extorting our money, it was used by her for distressed property, taxes, etc…- without question and our savings was wiped out . He did not question this. When I did I, was accused of being selfish and greedy. I moved out and he joined me for two days, lol. and asked him if his relationship with his mom had ever come between him and any other woman. He would not discuss nor answer me. I told him he needed to go back home to mom then… he could not pretend to be committed to me any longer if he was always going to side with his mom against me. She knew exactly what she was doing and he was trained to be a submissive,loyal, weak,”good son”.. I needed a real man!
    Short of sexual intimacy, they share everything. I have three grown sons, we are very close too. I do not tell them who to date nor do I spend their money and cook and clean for them any longer- they grew up! He says they are just close, but I have felt her wrath now- my influence in his life was unacceptable unless she was in first position for “both of us’. My questioning this unnatural alliance caused my rejection and he now no longer loves me- what a joke! She knows his email passwords- shares his Ebay accounts, commingles funds, shares bank accounts, etc… he has a wife- it’s his Mom. No where to go in what would have been a three sided nightmare. The end…not fixable- without a miracle!