The Relationship Hierarchy (How Guys Categorize Women)
Early last week I did a post called “Definition of a Jump-Off.” I got a lot of interesting feedback on it and varying classifications on the term from people, but one comment in particular stood out. It came from a new reader named Elle, who actually posted a comment that broke down different relationship titles in a dope hierarchy based on a sports analogy. He She says a buddy of his hers once shared it with him her and he she decided to pass it along for critique. Since Elle posted this way after most of you read the original blog, I decided to turn the reigns over to an impromptu guest blogger and share this Relationship Hierarchy. It actually reminds me of another post I did a while back called “How Relationships Are Defined.” Although I don’t co-sign everything below, check out the list and let me know your thoughts: Did this hit the nail on the head or miss its mark?
UPDATE: In error, I assumed "Elle" was a guy when in fact she is all woman. My bad.
“The Relationship Hierarchy” by Terrence L.
This is the top spot. What we all strive to have and maintain. There are no pretenses here. A bond that has been cemented before God, family and country; this is not to be played with. This sister is the power behind you, your rib, your lover, and your friend. Screw up and she makes your life difficult. Do right and you get bodied like she was Beyoncé, Jesus!
The penultimate step before ascension. If marriage is the championship, then this is the finals. The only thing standing in her way to the throne is a damn good plan and a nice summer day.
Not to be confused with an actual wife, this is the sister you have been in a committed relationship with for sometime and have come to love, trust and respect. There is no fairy tale at this stage. You know the ins and out, and in all probability y’all already shaking. Your SSN? She knows it. Your ATM code? She knows it, too. Guess what, she’s read your nonsense on BP (BlackPlanet), too. Just be warned: the only thing keeping her from the fiancé spot is a nice piece of jewelry and your lack of courage. Consider this the conference championships.
Welcome to the playoffs. The beginning of the “real” run. This happens when, A) pressure is applied by the right hand to make her official, thereby matching her pay to the work she’s doing or B) pressure from your mama to stop playing around. At any rate, the commitment is official. While small time, things start to heat up at this stage and you are one weekend visit from having a wifey. Like the playoffs, this is really win or go home.
C’mon, fellas, we know who this sista is. She’s the one always on our arm and handling our day to day. She’s at all the barbecues. You hitting it raw. She can use your phone. I mean, she’s the workhorse. Only problem is y’all ain’t never made it official, so you (and she) can still do what you want to the ire of the other person. (It’s usually when one of the parties will then try to lock the contract down). This stage is critical because during this time you will decide is she will make the playoffs or get to rebuild her team next year under a different GM (general manager). BTW: Remember that threesome she DIDN’T give you? Didn’t that factor in your discussion to promote her?
Similar to the right hand, this sister is usually by your side for only the fun shit. The serious stuff in your life is not her concern, but when the drinks is flowing, when the party’s jumping, she will be there. However, due to the lack of balance there is little or no chance of y’all being serious. The upside is that she’ll probably give you that threesome with her girl. At this point, y’all just having a good time until the right hand or woman ends this dynamic. This is like being the Atlanta Braves. Damn good during the season but rarely gets it done.
For those of you dating multiple folks, this is the one that keeps rising to the top. This stage is tricky because she can either go to the dead end zone of jump off or become the more maneuverable right hand. This all depends on how you guys interact. Yup this is the second half of the regular season.
BETTIES, CHICKS, & OL’ GIRL
This is the first half of the regular season. The sister you just meet and she got a lil something going on for herself. It’s during this stage you decide if she’s going to have a strong second half and make the run for the post-season, or by midseason she’ll be traded for a draft pick, some cash and a minor league player to be named later.
BUST DOWNS & CHICKEN HEADS
These are players that just want to fill the stadiums without improving the teams. (Think: Cubs before this season). Good for only sex with you and your boys, because you know for a fact they’ll be out of the running three weeks into the season.
Welcome to the game young’n. These are the sisters who are 18-22, just leaving for college and entering the league. How we treat them at this stage, coupled with their home training will determine where they land. Fellas, do your rookies right. (Take that however you want to.)