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Got AIDS? (When Was Your Last STD Test)

Posted by NWSO • February 27, 2009 • Printer-friendly

got-aids-kid

Hello my faithful, sock heads. I know you come here to read about sex, relationships and all that freaky stuff, but today I want to talk about something more serious and it starts with a simple question: Got AIDS? It’s a fair question, right? I mean, HIV/AIDS has been around for over 25 years now and African-American and Latino people continue to get infected at alarming rates, so the odds would say that someone reading this right now has got to have the virus among other STDS, right?

By this point, we all know that anyone can have HIV/AIDS (or any other STD) and not look sick. We’re beyond thinking that this disease relates strictly to homosexuals and drug addicts. So why don’t we as a people, as a generation, ask this question more often? It’s two very simple words: Got AIDS? The answer should be just as simple: yes or no. But more times than not, the response can be a very complex “I don't know.” Well, I’d prefer more people to know. Go to your primary physician and have him or her throw an AIDS test in with your next physical. While you’re at it, have your doctor check for herpes, chlamydia, high blood pressure, diabetes, whatever; it’s your body find out what’s wrong with it. It’s your responsibility to know. You have to know. So "I don’t know" isn’t an acceptable answer. Not for me at least.

No insurance? Me neither. If you’re reading this then you know how to Google. Go online and find the nearest free clinic. That’s what I did last time I didn’t have health insurance and that’s what I’m going to do now that I’m back in that in that position once again. Gone are the days of having to wait days or weeks for your result, you can get an oral swab and find out your status in 15-20 minutes. Of course, you have to go back six months later to double check that an infection didn’t occur right before the test when the virus may have been undetectable. Whatever the case just go and please continue to follow through with getting your paperwork.

Let’s be 100-percent real for a moment; how often do we ask the people we chose to share our bodies with about their last AIDS test? About how many unprotected partners they’ve had? Whether or not they’ve ever had an STD? I bet most of you are like me and don’t really think about it until way after the fact. After you've already been up in each other and done all that in-the-heat-of-the-moment freaky shit. But by then it could already be too late. Conversations about sex during courtship should be about more than positions and how well you lay pipe or suck dick. The honest realities of our sexual histories should be part of the that discussion long before we take it the bedroom. But we’re too busy thinking about what he or she looks like naked with socks on. Surely, asking someone about his or her STD status is going to “ruin” the mood. But what happens when your test results come back positive and ruin your life?

Most would like to label this a “touchy subject,” but this is something I believe we all think about but rarely ever discuss, especially with the most important person of all—the one lying right next to you at night. Wake the fuck up. The other day I was talking to my homegirl and she told me about a friend of hers that is dealing with two men and has sex with both of them unprotected. In fact, during one horny and extremely dumb episode she had sex with one of the guys while on her period—RAW. Are you fuckin’ serious? I can’t believe it’s 2009 and there are still folks out there having unprotected sex with relative strangers. I’ll admit to dipping my spoon in the pudding without a hat for a few strokes in my younger days, but that was in the confines of a committed and monogamous relationship and those days are long gone. If there ain't a condom available it ain't going down. She might, but that’s another story…

With all seriousness, though, as much as I love it, unprotected oral sex puts you at risk just as much as unprotected vaginal sex (or anal if that’s your thing). I can’t imagine getting head with a condom on feeling as good. It seems like sucking on a blow pop with the wrapper still on. You’re going through the motions but missing all the flavor. And I have to say in my 32 years on God’s green Earth I’ve never used or even seen a dental dam. I honestly couldn't tell you what one looks like let alone where to find it. In fact, I posted a Twitter message about that and a helpful follower informed me that they don’t sell dental dams at the drug store but at the sex shops. Knowledge is power and the last thing you want is to end up like Jamie Foxx’s character in Booty Call trying to use Saran Wrap to do the delicious deed (that’s probably the only positive thing in that movie). If you do choose to ignore the dangers of oral sex, at least be selective about who you put your mouth on and allow to return the favor. But still, the question remains: Got AIDS?

I remember a few years ago there was this girl I was really feeling and placed a self-imposed bout of celibacy on myself. Being that I was serious about this girl and it had been a while, I made sure to get an AIDS test not just for me but her as well. I know I wanted her to get one as well, but I can't recall if I ever found the “right time” or courage to voice that to her. Sure enough, five months later I still hit it—protected of course but I never knew her status. Although she didn’t turn out to be the one, I was still happy in the knowledge that I had an answer to the question: Got AIDS? Hell to the nah! That was then and this is now, but I can confidently reply with the exact same answer when someone asks me: Got AIDS?

Please forgive me if this came off like I was preaching, but I feel like this was something that needed to be addressed. We spend a lot of time talking about sex and relationships here on NakedWithSocksOn, and it’s great to have that sense of escapism from the stresses of day-to-day life but I would be doing you guys a major disservice by not discussing the dangers of our actions in and out of the bedroom as well. While I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the subject of STDs and talking to your partner about their status, what I really want you guys to do is analyze your own sexual habits. Get an AIDS test, ask the people you’re intimate with about their history, and use better judgment when it comes to who you choose to let into your body. I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind, but I don't see nothing wrong with a little open discussion and common sense either.

This is the part where I usually ask a bunch of questions, but this time I only have one: Got AIDS? Speak your piece…

aids_test_share

Tagged as: AIDS, Booty Call, condom, death, dental dam, doctor visit, HIV, honesty, jamie foxx, medical insurance, protection, safe sex, sex shop, STD

Twinrn

New to your blog and I had to respond. It's so important that we get real about hiv and our community. No I don't have HIV because I got tested. Please visit you local health department for free testing. The only thing you have to lose is your life. I only have this one and I needed to know. Preach as it's a wake up call some need to hear.
da ThRONe

@NWSO

This that real right here good topic

I have sex so rarely. Never unprotected anymore(and never since i've last been tested) but because im so sexually inactive i dont get tested as much as I should. Bottom line is im probably overdue now. So i should be gettin on that test.

But no i dont have HIV/AIDS!
Miss B. Haven

I've been reading this blog for about a month now and love it. This is my first post.

I've known a few people with HIV. For the most part they were very honest and friendly people and very open to questions about it.

On the other hand there are those that have it and even when asked do not disclose this information. I have personally dealt with a man that was positive and purposely spreading HIV to women. I thank god everyday that I said no to him each time he tried to sleep with me.

I myself get tested regularly and have absolutely no problem asking those I'm considering being intimate with whether they have been tested or not and their past history of STD's.

So if there is anyone tested positive and considering sleeping with someone without fully informing them of your condition, maybe this will change your mind. This is the story of the man I just mentioned.

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20060302/nduwayo_sentencing_060302?s_name=&no_ads=

Another reason to wrap it up NO MATTER WHAT.
Elle

Great topic! And I absolutely agree. People preach about communication being key in relationships. Yet and still, all communication seems to end when STDs are concerned. Can you say double standard?!

Talking about health issues/diseases was part of my life since my mother was a nurse. So addressing possibly embarrassing topics is something I luckily never had a problem with. Couple that with the fact that I am quite bold in general and you have a woman who isnt afraid to ask questions which may be a little uncomfortable to answer.

Besides, Im rather health concious to begin with. I take care of my body, eat healthy, exercise (maybe not as much as I should but I do), dont smoke, rarely ever drink ... So keeping track of STDs is not only the right but also the logical thing to do when you want to be 120 years old one day.
distinguishedgentlewoman

GREAT post. One of the best and most important. And, no, you don't sound preachy; just making a lot of sense. ALL sexually active individuals should take annual--or semiannual--STD tests.

My sexual escapades are so few and far between that I never stressed the STD and HIV/AIDS tests as much when I took my annuals. But these days, even though I have been celibate for five years now, I always have the tests done annually, just to make sure. The reason behind this is that I saw a Law and Order: SVU episode where this dude had syphilis laying dormant in his body for years and didn't find out until it was too late. I also found out that a lot of STDs, if not detected and treated right away, can lay dormant in your body and bring back a false negative test result if they are in an inactive state. This stuff scares the crap out of me, so every year when I see the GYN (ick) and PCP I get all my tests done. Yep, I'm a hypochondriac, so I double up. And I am happy to say that they are ALL negative.

And if I may be honest, I didn't ask either of the guys with whom I shared relations to take an STD test before we did the do. They didn't ask me either. But with both situations we went in raw a few times. (Damn, what the hell was I thinking? Don't want no babies, not trying to get an STD and going in raw? What a jackass move. But I guess I can blame it on inexperience and youth. If you can call early 30s youth.) Never gonna make the same mistakes again.

And I'm glad you spoke about the possibilities of contracting an STD during oral sex. A lot of folks don't know that it could and does happen. Although I never had vaginal sex with my first boyfriend, we used to have a lot of oral. So after we broke up, I went to the free clinic--I didn't have health insurance--to get an STD test. Before you take the test, you had to see a counselor. When I explained my situation to the man, he informed me that I was being silly and showed me the door. That was the early '90s. I sure hope that asshole is no longer a counselor, because I hate to imagine how many at-risk folks he has turned away because he was ignorant to the facts.

One last thing, just for the record: Oral with a condom does not have to be boring. There are plenty of flavored condoms you can use. And if you pour some honey or chocolate on a condom, taste like candy.
Simone

Actually, one of the questions I do ask before I start anything with anyone is, "When was the last time you got tested?" I wanna know when, I wanna see your results, and I will show you mine. I haven't had much sexual partners and I could proudly keep that number under 10. The only person I have been somewhat reckless is with my children's father in the past, hence, me having two kids for him. I get papsmears twice and year and HIV once a year. AIDS/HIV/STD's they are all serious diseases. Homey don't play that.
A1

I hear you man I get check for that shit on a regular. But I cant lie asking a shorty that question before shit pops off can definitely ruin the mood plus you have to wonder if she telling the truth. So that why I just go and get tested with them if I can or tell them to bring me paperwork.
Ms. West

Excellent post!
EXCELLENT POST!
All should be more aware. And for those who don't even want to go to the clinic, there are at home HIV tests. They sell them at drugstore.com. Seriously there is no excuse. I was tested on tuesday.
Please make it your priority to KNOW about your health. Shoot! Asking for the test is better than wondering.
And, get more than one HIV test per year. Plain and simple.
YoungJay

Good Post Man...I must admit that when I consider HIV/AIDS/STD's I never make the connection with Oral. Im super anal (pause NWSO style) about wearing protection during vaginal penetration but the thought of a condom for oral never crossed my mind. Thanks man, you can be proud that you opened someone's eyes today...and im gonna continue the trend and talk with my boys about this while we heading to the party.
LL

Now thats a topic!

Everyone wants to talk about sex, but never about STD's.

Condoms are not 100% effective(but its better than nothing) and they don't protect against herpes and warts.

LL is straight.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Distinguished

I'm no expert but I'm not sure if honey and chocolate DIRECTLY on a condom is advised. I know that baby oil etc tends to break down the structure of latex, thus making it more likely to break. Not sure if the same goes for food and other liquids besides water and bodily secretions. But I think it's best to leave the sweets for the actual body parts, and if you do go the honey and chocolate etc for oral, I advise changing condoms before doing the actual do.

Just my 50 cents
DAVIDA

This is a GREAT topic!
To answer your question...nope i dont have AIDS. Got tested in November. There are wayyy too many ways to get tested these days for ppl not to know their status. LETS BE RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE!
Ameretta

Let's Go!

This is a great topic!

Got Aids? Not me..........got tested during the summer & i"m more than likely due to my next testing............

I like this post because people can discuss freely and be mature adults about it! We have to put the responsibility back on ourselves. But you know the main reason why people are scared?

Why? Because people think a postitive result is the do all end all! Let's admit it, there are so many drugs that can prolong their life on this earth! The real problem is when people don't get tested, may have the virus & pass it along another person! That itself is just pure wrecklessness!

Let's take the responsibility back into our hands, into our lives so we can bring up our peers, our partners, our communities! It has to start with us!
http://abenadiva.blogspot.com Abena

Nope I don't either... I get tested every 6 months as well... It's a shame that one of the Senators from Colorado doesn't want to provide funding for pregnant women to be tested for AIDS.

His reasoning... AIDS comes from being promiscuous... Perhaps if a baby is born with AIDS it will grow up with the disease and serve as a reminder to the rest of the family not to be so promiscuous.

Thanks for looking out for us with this blog because no one else is.
MP

This is funny to see this BLOG today. I am new to this Blog but I am really enjoying it. This Blog hit me in the face because I just had to face something.

I met a guy off a partyline and slept with him(unprotected) in the first week(very stupid move). I thought I knew enough about him and his life and I was totally wrong. After just a one nite stand situation I ended up pregnant. When I told him he told me to get rid of it. I decided to keep the baby anyways. Well during the pregnancy I found out he was married plus had another lady on the side.

Once I had my lil girl and went for my 6wk check up and had a papsmear done I thought everything would be ok. Well that was not the case,I got a call from my GYN telling me that I have a STD. I was WHAT not me. I was so pissed off and mad but thank god it is cureble. That coversation abouit HIV/AIDS/STD never came up until that phone call. When I called the guy he blew it off like he didn't care.

I have to say after being so sexually active unproteted most of my life with alot of men(NOT PROUD OF) that I would have gotten alot worse but greatful I haven't. This was a wake up call for me because I have 3 children to raise and if I became sick what would happen to them.

So I would like to say thank you for posting this blog and letting me vent alil. I have decided to be more open and ask question before this happens again to me.
2-plz-u

NOPE and it feels so good to be able to say that going to get tested is one of the most nerve racking things ever but its all worth it when u get those negative reports back and u breath that sigh of relief
litabia

Funny that this is the topic today. I just did a presentation for this organization out here on how to bring up the subject to your significate other without it being awkward. I remember I asked a ex of mine to goo down to the clinic with me to get STD test and we made a date out of it. I think we just think to much of it but once you break the ice I'm pretty the other person will respect you for being concerned about yourself enough to bring up such a serious question. For the simple fact that people are not walking around with neon bright signs on their foreheads displaying if they are infected, the only way to know is to ask. Just like you said get tested every 4-6 months if u are sexually active and do it frequent cause sometimes if not detected on one test can come up in months to come. So yeah great subject and continue to drill this topic in people's heads.
litabia

oh and I am STD & AIDS free btw.
http://nwso.net NWSO

I just want to add this to the mix, a lot of folks talk about being "scared" as they wait for the results. That should be a sign to adjust your behavior, because you wouldn't be scared if you didn't make bad judgement calls and not have conversations like these BEFORE you bump uglies with someone.

I'm not saying I'm an angel, because if you've read the blog for a minute you know I've done some dumb shit and have a bunch more dumb shit to tell (LOL). But call it an epiphany of sorts.

The better our behavior in and out of the bedroom, before and after. the less scary it'll be waiting for those results because you'll know that you did everything within your power to avoid a "positive" (which in this case would be bad) outcome. )
Mimi in the OC

Good call, it's not preaching it's reality.
I am one of the lucky ones: Even before I ever thought of having sex, my mother let me know I had to use a condom (I was 10, but growing up fast). I thought my mother was kinda random at the time, because I didn't care about boys back in the day.
But now I've had time to realize how important this was.
To this day the number of partners I had unprotected sex with fits on one hand, besides I had known them for quite some time before it happened (made them take a test).

The deal with me is I'm not shy about it, I think about it as it's my life we're talking about.
1. I got my own condoms (in the car, in my nightstand, in my purse...you never know haha)
2. No head until we get to know each other, period (and I make you take a test).
3. I get tested once or twice a year.
4. No I'm not perfect, but I've seen people die because of AIDS...and it's no joke.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Da Throne

The knowledge here is two-fold. You should know your own status for yourself and whoever your partner(s) is. Hopefully, the person you're bedding has the same respect. And if it's someone you don't think is honest where they'd lie about it, is someone you don't trust with your life someone you want to sleep with? Better yet, wants and needs are different, so I'll say NEED to sleep with? Prob not.

And truthfully, someone's negative results from 6-8 months ago is cool, but given the jump-off society we live in the process should be like this. We meet, we talk about where we're going, talk about sexual histories, BOTH get tested share results and THEN be intimate if you both so choose. If it's a jump-off situation, hopefully you're wise in your selection process and choose a J.O. that's not reckless and putting your negative test results in jeopardy.

Not perfect, but best approach I say. SHOOT, we should make a the clinic the first damn date—and it's free. lol
Anonymous

uncomfortable, but truly a great blog topic. when I clicked on the link, I said damn, this brotha trying to throw off my weekend--lol. But seriously, I got tested about 8 months ago, kind of nervous while waiting for the results, yet everything came back clear and clean. However, I refuse to be that nervous ever again, I no longer track star chicks( sprinting through them), and for the better part of the last decade, I have been in relatively long-term relationships, you still have to be very careful; I keep my condoms with me at all times, and now maturity has granted me the wisdom that does not allow my primal urges to take completely over just because of a phat ass. Historically, a phat ass used to equal impulsivity, ignorance and carelessness for me. Be safe outthere, and especially in there.
Maine

BOY oh BOY! I think everyone’s mind and fingers got trigger happy when they saw this post, and it is quite a good one. In my younger years, I didn’t care much for STD testing since I didn’t consider myself a wildin' out kind of dude. As I have gotten older, more risks have been taken and I have gotten tested to ease my peace of mind. Now I was always confident in going into the office to get tested, but anxiety hit me at random moments, and thoughts dodged from this girl or this incident, and what ifs creep up from every possible place. I do think it is very important to get tested and I think males & females should understand the significance of all STDs not just the media-hyped HIV/AIDS. There are so many STDs that can go un-noticed, without symptoms that can lead to many complications from fertility to cancer. I too was an ignorant dude that was only worried about hearing HIV negative and didn’t even know the seriousness of the silent STDs that we neglect HPV, Chlamydia, and Syphilis, to name a few. Thankfully I am disease free, and would rather go to Vegas and hit the blackjack table, and loose some chips, then bed-gamble with my life.
da ThRONe

@A1

I hear you man! Its something about that question that just suck sex right out the room. I would try and bring it up before im in that position(or before shes in a position LMAO)

But if a chick has HIV is she really going tell you? Whats to stop her from lying to aviod the uncomfrontable question? And with all these post about "jump offs" and what nots clearly it isnt always a case of monogamy going on. So is asking even as relavent as we think it is?

Like i mention earlier i have sex so little its not a situation i have been in much in the last few*cough* years LOL! So what is the proper approach when addressing a friends with benefits type situation to get the answer you feel comfrontable with?
MoonStarz

Was tested this month for everything. The time before that was 6 months ago. I keep up on it.
Seriously, No Seriously

When I went into the military its mandatory to get a test.....so when I came back free and clear, I thank the Lord for not making an example out of me b/c of my careless youth.....when i left the military I went testing crazy. I would get tested like every three months, my doctor just used to shake her head.....i just had a fear that the tests were wrong(human error) or to make sure that something wasnt lying dormant, not that i was wildin out just didnt trust docotors! asking someone's status is always at the top of my resume of questions, yes i said resume......if you feel uncomfortable with me asking questions then you're not for me......i come from a long line of inquistive people..... ask to produce the paperwork as well as i will produce mine(carry a copy in the car, in my bag and of course at home).....my last test was 3 months ago it was one of those rapid tests but i'm going this month to get the blood work done.....and i will check for all other diseases also......we tend to forget about the other diseases and women they come with your pap smear you have to ask for them specifically!.......Stay healthy and smart people! .....side note.....how many people continually ask for the status thru-out the relationship?.......I do.....it has nothing to do with trust.....we all know people can get caught up or make a mistake.
da ThRONe

@NWSO

Yeah I read somebody else metioned the date @ the clicnic thing and I've joke about it all the time!(Being the cheap brother that I am LOL) I guess thats a bridge i'll cross when i get there. For most people i know(present company included) I have just stuck to the condom method ,but its never to late(not for me away thank God) to upgraded my protection program.

Once again great post!
Erwin tipton

I feel everyone should get tested even if there not hiv+. and know your partners past and recent activity, I was In a 6 year relationship,when we first met I was hiv neg . I didnt know I was hiv+ till i had my miscarriage , and the miscarriage was not my falt , the guy I was with started sleeping around with other people , so after all that was said and done he left me . I tried 2 let his new girl know and she shuned me .being the circumstance I understand why , well last I herd they had a kid and now is divorced and he's with another new girlfriend . so I dont know what there status is, but I did my part by trying to warn his first girlfriend .
DragonFly

I was in a long term monogamous relationship and still got tested. You never know. After the break up, the last man I with was definitely asked that question, right before I made it clear that his having been tested and showing me his resuilts in writing (was not from the the US so had papers:~)), we would still be using a condom. Again, you never know. I am also clear that there are things out there that a condom does not protect against - HPV, Herpes, etc...

But thanks, NWSO, it is about the time again. For now though, i can say I have been tested and the answer is NO.
Louise the queen

As an Hiv/AIDS Educator in the state of ohio, I encounter many people that are unaware of risky sexual behavior. On a consistent basis, adults find reasons to not use condoms, foam, dental dams or any other contraceptive. I have people request RAPID HIV TEST because they know what they are doing. Many women dont want to be alone so they risk catching the disease than releasing the man. HIV IS 100% PREVENTABLE. It is spread by carelessness, selfishness, irresponsibility, self hatred, greed and unreasonable people. I implore everyone to protect themselves. There wont be a next generation if we continue to go downtown without protection. There won't be a next generation if we continue to run out in the rain with no raincoat. There won't be a next generation if we continue to love someone else more than we love ourselves. If your partner wont suit up, you have the power to say no. I dont care if he has a telephone pole or if she is sitting on the bomb. No pole or bomb is worth your future. queen out
litabia

@Erwin tipton

My dad's best friend is HIV+ and failed to tell his fiance. Well she actually got a cold and was dead 2 months later. My dad called the police on him because after his fiance died like 2 months later he was in another relationship and was not informing these females of his HIV status. They arrested him and he was in jail for like 6 months with a misdemeanor for some chump charge (don't really remember) but his face was plastered all over the news for like a week. So you do have people that know and don't care because they are bitter. That is why you protect yourself and maybe not even deal with that person if they can't do what someone said in a previous post and produce some result papers stating they are good with a recent date stamp.
distinguishedgentlewoman

@ NWSO:

Thanks for the advise. I've tried both and didn't have any problems with the condom breaking. But like they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. So going forward, I'm being more cautious...

@ litabia:

One of my grandmother's tenants is HIV+ and still sleeping around with random men. What's worse is that she doesn't let them know her status. She discovered she was positive after infecting her son's father, who has since died. My mother asked her how she could be sleeping with all these men--some without condom--and not letting them know, she says that the doctor told her that she was no longer HIV+. Can you beat that?
SHARITA_ATX

hello i am a new reader and i really enjoy your posts. The topic of HIV/AIDS and STIs have been a passion of mine for many years (it is actually my job as sexual health educator/ trainer) I THINK IT IS GREAT THAT YOU ARE TACKLING THIS TOPIC i have seen it on all levels from children to senior citizens. Even though we know HIV/AIDS is real we still are afraid to talk about it. I find that sad and more so DANGEROUS. The fact is that most ppl will have some type of STI in there lifetime. 19 million STD cases happen every year right here in the USA! So i encourage all ppl to have "the talk" no matter how difficult. If they cop an attitude then you may want to think twice about having sex with them.

secondly i just want to clear up some information:
1) oral sex is not as risky as vaginal or anal sex. there is risk involved but it is lower than vaginal/anal sex.
here is the scale from HIGHEST to LOWEST for HIV/AIDS transmission
1) UNPROTECTED ANAL SEX (RECEPTIVE) (TAKING IT)
2) UNPROTECTED ANAL SEX (INSERTIVE) (GIVING IT)
3) UNPROTECTED VAGINAL SEX (RECEPTIVE) (TAKING IT)
4) UNPROTECTED VAGINAL SEX (INSERTIVE) (GIVING IT)
5) UNPROTECTED ORAL SEX (GIVING HEAD)
6) UNPROTECTED ORAL SEX (GETTIN HEAD)

As far as oral sex is concerned swallowing is also safer than holding the cum in your mouth and running to wherever to spit it out. so your choice is to SWALLOW or get outta the way (please know what your are going to do the choice is yours)

2) HIV testing is not included in your regular check up. YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR IT....please do.

3) You can be tested for HIV every 3-months. 3 months is the window period..it used to be six but technology has improved.

4) if you are going to use saran wrap...please use the non-microwavable kind. the microwavable kind has holes in it and HIV and STDs/STIs can pass through it. (planned parenthood or free clinics give away dental dams for free or you can make a dental dam out of a condom)

5) As far as HIV is concern there is NO LAW that says someone HAS to tell you they have HIV. When you have sex with someone you take the risk on your own. And 22% of ppl with HIV don't even know they have it.

6) HIV is a PREVENTABLE disease you don't have to get it ! HIV is a manageable disease and ppl live long lives with the disease and it is not a death sentence. Women have babies and get married and so on.

The key is KNOWING your status and MAINTAINING IT!

Sorry if i went on too long but HIV/AIDS/STDS is hitting many minority communities (women, GLBTQ, African American, & Latinos) VERY HARD!

Im am stepping off of my soapbox now thank you!!
http://www.superlovelyful.com -h*

@NWSO

sugar or food products near your special place or a condom is a no-no. Oil of any kind can break down the latex in a condom and using food (chocolate, honey etc) can make for a bacterial or yeast infection. It's best to leave the chocolate honey freaky freak to the other body parts (fingers, neck etc).

As for testing, I learned the hard way that no one cares about my health the way I do, even someone who claimed to love me. I get tested on a regular basis regardless of whether or not I'm in a monogamous relationship. Just because the person you're with claims you're the only one, it doesn't mean he/she is telling the truth. I go unprotected for no one and have the testing conversation is one I have before I lay down with someone.

If I can't have open dialogue about maintaining my sexual health with a potential partner, our partnership no longer has potential.
InvisibleLady

I wasactually thinking about posting this topic on my blog yesterday. Its a very important topic.... Anyone that is sexually active even if not rampantly, should be tested anywhere from every 6 months to yearly for everything...

Guys should always get the HIV/AIDS test and be tested for STD's and females should get PAP Smears about every 6 months along with regular tests.

It is highly important to you, your next partener and your potential spouse that you know your status.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ SHARITA_ATX

Thanx for your insight, much needed for this discussion. so feel free to go on as long as you want... lol... knowledges is power, so thanx for sharing yours
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Elle

In the post I spoke on oral sex and use of dental dams to go down on women. I then referenced Jamie Foxx's character in Booty Call, who went on a midnight mission to get a dental dam but couldn't find one and his boy said he could use Saran Wrap. So that's where the Saran Wrap came into the discussion. But NOT in replace of a condom but for ORAL sex safety. And then SHARITA_ATX chimed in with her expertise and warnings about which is actually safe if you choose to go that route.

But for anyone else who may have missed that memo DO NOT TRY AND PUT SIRAN WRAP ON YOUR JOHNSON, that will not work. LOL
Elle

At the risk of making a complete fool out of myself .. but I just have to ask:

Saran wrap? I mean huh? As a replacement for condoms? What? Is this some sort of inside joke? Or are there real uses for saran wrap in the bedroom?

Somebody please enlighten me.
Elle

I knew I remembered saran wrap from somewhere!!! @ Booty Call

Thank you NWSO for enlightening me
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Dre

Damn, homie. That's a crazy story. I really appreciate you sharing that because people really need to hear how this can happen to anyone of is. Like has been said earlier, we know the risks but still think it can never happen to us when that's the farthest thing from reality.

Hold your head
Dre

HIV/AIDS is a serious issue that a lot of us are afraid to talk about and we as humans have a tendacy to avoid or ignore things that we fear. Until it happens and we have no choice but to deal with the consequences. I was in a relationship with an older woman, who I really wanted to find true love with. She had a permiscuos past but deep down due to low self esteem and she'd been burned so many times by other men. At the time I liked her enough to want to show her better and prove she's deserves love like anyone else.

But initially my instincts told me to leave her alone because of her past, I didn't want to be judgemental and feel like people can't be forgiven or changed for the better. In the course of the relationship I asked her to get and HIV test and she told me she had already gotten one and she was fine. But for some reason it stayed in my mind so I told her we need to go and get one together , she agreed but again I didn't push it. Cause I didn't want her to think I didn't trust her.

I moved in with her eventually, from what I could see she wasn't taken any medication or didn't have any around the house, never going to the doctor and to my knowledge AT DA TIME if you have HIV you can't live without medication and going to the doctor. So with that in mind I stopped being so paranoid about her status and she also believed I was being paranoid. I always got tested even if I wasn't having sex I still kept my every six months deadline....LOL so I had all my records to show her that I stay tested.

I charged it to the game and figured I'll just chill out. I then figured she loved me enough to not put me at danger. So I stopped pushing her to get tested. To my knowledge we had protected sex everytime, but there were nights were we both will go out and get fucked up at the club and come home do the damn thing...and even then I beleived we used condems.

Unitl a year are so later I started coming down with what I thought was the flu, I had a high fever loss of appitite, heavy night sweats and didn't have any energy to get up and walk long distances. It lasted for about two weeks and one more to rebuild my strength, and I had lost atleast 10 pounds.

Because I was educated on the symptoms I became suspiscous that I had been infected with HIV. While I was sick I was still living with her, and I asked her again whether or not she would lie to me and if she was indeed clean. She told me yes. So again I just thought it probably was the flu.

Eventually she and I ended up breaking up for some reason I just didn't trust her, Some where down the line I decided to start dating again. So I went to get an HIV oral test so I will know my status since I'm gonna be dating again. Come to find out no shit shirlock....I'm positive.

After I found out the same day I went over to her house and showed her my results, she wasn't shocked she was in this disbelief wonder all she could say was "How" and I wish I'd never met you because I didn't want to hurt you. Thats not the response I should have gotten, if she was clean she would be asking me what the hell I've been doing, and she would be rushing to go get tested.

I was hurt at my results words couldn't express but I was angry at myself because I knew better. I loved her enough just to ask her to go and get tested but I'm sure she either knew she had it or that she never been tested and because of her past she wasn't suprised she would have it. But either way she lied to my face each and every second, minute, hour days months to years we spent together. When I laid next every night in bed she was lying to me, when I was sick in laying in bed she was lying to me.

But despite who you are and where you've been GOD loves, as mad as I was at her, I knew that the real anger was at myself because I had the knowledeg and the instinct to know better and not get involved with her. Taking the anger out on her would change my choices. But since I went and got tested and found out early.

GOD works in mysterious ways, I went to the doctor where they measure the amout of virus in your blood and determine how agressive it is and how strong your immune system works against it.
He explained that I'm infected with a light strain of the virus and there is no reason to believe that I can't live a full life expectancy so what ever plans I have don't change them but to keep on living.

Now I say that because I want to show how GOD works in our lives especially when we've fallen or done wrong trying to do right. However, it's still a heavy burden to live with. I'm not on medication because the virus isn't threating my life at this point in time. Which is a lesson for you all because someone can have it and be healthy enough to not need medications until some years down.

A person can do anything they want in life as long as they have their health, but when that is in question it's gets hard to believe sometimes. Without a cure I may have missed out on my chances to start my own family and I'm living with this without my own family being my mother, father and grandmother not knowing. It's hard doing this alone. I'm in my late 20s I have to go to the doctor every three to four months to have blood drawn to see if the virus is progressing and everytime I walk in that office I'm reminded of how and hell could I have done this to myself.

I didn't love myself to put myself first and as I'm going through this....I talked with her from time and to this day, I'm still trying to convice her to seek help and get treatment or she will die. But she's given up on herself and when a person has done that, they can't love another person. They want you to love them and take away all their hurt but won't be honest to tell their status out of fear of you leaving them.

Take this as a lesson folks love yourself always and put yourself first no matter what. No guy or girl out there can love you more than you could love yourself. If he or she truly loves you they will be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to be sure that both parties are safe.
Dre

Oh and I forgot all in all you can't count on someone to be honest with you, always, always, ALWAYS have protected sex. You never know where someone has been or what they could be doing behind your back. HIV lives in HUMAN BEINGS not a selected group of people or minority group. Everyone is at risk when you don't protect yourselves. If youre at a moment when you may slip think about your parents or family who loves you or the family you want to have in the future. Don't risk messing that up for a moment of pleasure until you meet the next hot gal or guy and the same routine.

BE BLESSED and ENJOY YOUR LIFE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT AT IT.
nia

THIS WAS SO NECESSARY - THANK YOU FOR SHARING! SINCERELY.
http://www.stdtestexpress.com Tina

I found a website to get tested. http://www.stdtestexpress.com. Very professional. If you find out you have an STD, they put you on the phone with a doctor for free. This is VERY good for people who don't want to go to a doctor but want to, you know what I mean?
Mari

Dre,

Thanks for sharing your story. And I'm really really sorry for what has happened to you.

I got tested last week and I'm supposed to pick up my results in a few hours. I have to admit I am very scared because I haven't been fully responsible with myself. Shame on me! Shame on me!

Also, about 3 months ago I had a one night stand and he used a condom, but during the "act" the condom broke without us realizing it (or at least that's what he told me) and he came inside me. I totally freaked out! and I still am!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Mari

Good luck with your test
Ameretta

Wow!
@ Dre

Thanks for sharing!!! Keep living your life, it seems there is a bigger & better plan for you!!
janiesweets

Dre, wherever you are may the good lord bless you and keep you. What a world. You just dont know what will happen, even when you are taking all the right precautions. God help us all.
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http://www.getstdtested.com Matt

I had my HIV test done recently through a site called http://www.getstdtested.com. I was able to go in and get tested just minutes after placing my order and had my results back in a day. After such a great experience, that is the only route I will be taking from now on.
http://www.socialprive.com Mike

After you get tested go to http://www.socialprive.com and get yourself a P.Y.T card. It safely stores your STD testing history for reference later to a girlfriend or boyfriend. Ladies Love it. Men Appreciate it.

http://www.socialprive.com