You are here: Home » Real Life, Real Talk » Bad Parenting 101 (Who's to Blame?)

Bad Parenting 101 (Who's to Blame?)

Posted by NWSO • March 3, 2009 • Printer-friendly

Latarian hoodrat-movement

It always amazes me as to what passes as parenting these days. I was coming home from swim class the other day and a few stops after I got on this kid, who looked about 15 or 16 got on holding a younger kid in his arms that looked about 2. Not sure if this was a teenaged father or just an older brother stuck doing babysitting duty. I'll give the (older) kid the benefit of the doubt and just go with the latter.

The train was pretty crowded for a Saturday afternoon so when big brother stepped on, he held little brother up in his arms and just posted up against the doors. A moment later shorty made a whimper that indicated he was about to start crying. The 15-year-old looked at him, shook his head, and in a stone cold tone said, “Nah, son, nah. Don't start.”

Shorty, who was so adorable with his unkempt afro in disarray, looked back at his big bro, appearing to understand but he still had that look on his face that said he was gonna cry. In a preemptive move, big brother decided to try and sooth the cranky toddler with some music on his phone. Needless to say, I, along with the rest of the passengers, was surprised by the impromptu lullaby he chose: "Ten Crack Commandments" by the Notorious B.I.G. Yup, the same song that features the words ni**a, shit, and fuck a total of 15 times in just over three minutes with big brother mumbling the words in unison.

Being that the train was relatively quiet and the phone was pretty loud, it didn't take long for the stares to start—including mine. I mean, seriously, he couldn't find another way to keep the kid quiet. Sure shorty is probably too young to understand the curse words and drug references in the song, but kids are oftentimes smarter than we give them credit for and repeat things easily. Whether this was the kid's big brother or father, he was displaying some serious bad judgment.

The whole thing reminded me of an article my homegirl Aliya aka Cherchez La Femme had written and sent to me earlier in the day. Her piece was about this study that found people who listened to Lil Wayne/hip-hop scored lower on their SATs than those that listened to Beethoven. In short, the conclusion/thesis was that hip-hop makes you dumber. While I doubt SAT scores have as much to do with your iPod playlist than they do to how you retain knowledge, what kind of prep work you do and the quality of your school/teachers, this display of bad parenting—even if he wasn’t the father, whoever the mother is allowed her child to be under the care of someone that plays vulgar music in the presence of a minor—and made me wonder if the article had any merit. I love Biggie as much as the next but, but I'm an adult and can discern the entertainment value in the song, while a impressionable child will just absorb the adult content and try to emulate it, which doesn't always have the most positive messages.

The very next day I was on the train again and I overheard a woman talking. "I should bust your shit ’cause you always be trying to get sassy and I don't play that shit... Shut the fuck up." This is New York, and we were in Brooklyn, so I just chalked up the one-sided conversation to typical banter between two adults. I looked over, and to my chagrin, she was talking to her 10-year-old daughter. This public display of bad parenting was 10 times worse than the Biggie lyrics incident, because this wasn't a song by some deceased rapper that had no direct connection to the child but an actual parent spewing vulgarity and aggression at their offspring. What kind of message is that sending to a child when your own mother curses you out and threatens to bust your shit? I know some folks can say it's none of my business, but this wasn't in the privacy of her home this was in a public space. How can we expect our kids to do better when their parents can't even set the proper example? I said it before and I'll say it again, I'm scared for the future.

How do you feel when you see parents talk to their kids as if they’re grown in the streets? What’s your stance on exposing young kids to adult music and movies? How young is too young to be exposed to adult content? Do you think people have the right to intervene when a parent is being abusive in public? Where any of you raised in an aggressive household where your parents spoke to you like an adult? If so, how did that effect you?

Speak your piece...

abuse-parent-yelling-at-child

Tagged as: adult content, bad kids, bad parents, cursing, hood rat things, Latarian Milton, Notorious B.I.G., profanity, stolen car, Ten Crack Commandments, Train of Thought

KiSS

I am so happy you got on this topic. It has always amazed me how bad parents are now and I have felt for awhile this new generation of parents are raising children who do not stand a chance. Can you imagine being 10 years old and your own mom talks to you sideways like a chick on the streets? How does this young girl grown up? Does she become the hoodrat it sounds like her mom is? Does she think its ok for her to talk to people like that? Or does she think its ok for anyone to talk to her crazy? Its to the point now where I'm leery about having kids. If all my son or daughter has as a potential mate I don't think it will be right to subject them to this bs. I see so many people affected by their childhoods. Emotional and mental abuse are real. With the young man, how much did we really know as teens? Can be the same type of parent at 16 as at 26? You cannot really teach much you haven't learned yourself. Kids are almost raising themselves with a person of legal age playing adult around them. Praise the good parents still out here. I know you exist
da ThRONe

Entertainment is not that big of a deal being a child growing up with groups like NWA and the Geto Boys. As long as you have parents that teach there children better like mines where. And thats what it all comes down to bad parenting. The government did not help with there attempts to tell parents how to raise there children. The greatest problem in this runs so much deeper than the government interveining into parental rights. The problem is as the cycle of miseducation(I know i stole L Boogie shit) grows couple with our capitialist soiety which is designed to make us selfish and insecure leads to so many broken relationship which leads bad parenting! No person who really cares about there children would speak to them like that there is a line and cursing your child goes way pass that line. We dont hold people responsible for there action and so they do whatever lose there temper and say whatever and its ok. Its really sad!
LadyNik1

Unfortunately, we are products of our environment, especially if we don't have key players in our lives to show us otherwise. There have been many of times I wanted to say something to these young ladies but that may envoke violence, so I've learned to give the look. The look says so much that I normally get a reaction from the ladies. I can say that to this day it has never been a negative one. Our young people need so much help today. It's up to us 30 is the new 20 adults to try something, anything!!!!
da ThRONe

What is sad i dont think i will ever get married and have kids because the way people are!
Illumn

Hello,

As a mother raising a son, I am VERY wary of what I do around my child, and am just as strict about what and who I allow to be around him. Originally from Philly, and now in the military, I am able to expose him to different lifestyles and experiences. Unfortunately, most of these children will not have that type of opportunity. One thing I have noticed, (especially as a single mother, not trying to just jump into a marriage for the sake of having a male role model) is the LACK of MENTORS (hint hint). Men, as well as women, we need to be less self absorbed and judgmental, and step up and (remember this? ) "Each One Teach One". Fortunately I was raised in a household full of love, and in turn pass that on to my child. But, like I said, many of these babies out here nowadays don't get that.
Sunny Dee

I work in the NYC public schools and while there are some fantastic mothers and fathers out there (either single or joined in matrimony)but what devestates me are the parents that are either waiting for someone else to raise their child or letting their child raise them. What you've seen on the train (and yes I've seen it too) is only the beginning. I had a First Grader tell me "suck my d--k" and then when I called his mother her response was "you're running up my minutes with this BS?"
There was a time when the village was able to band together to raise our generations but now the village is at jeopardy of getting cursed out if it tries to reach a helping hand in. The devestation is evident and the cyclic mentality of being raised that way continues into their own children.
Elle

Having grown up with "explicit lyrics" from an early age on and still having managed to understand the difference between lyrical freedom and real life, I don't think music plays as big of a deal as bad parenting does.

Theoretically, I think it is our moral duty - if you will - to intervene when we witness bad parenting. Now practically, I admit I am worried about my own well being if I did. That's a b*tch move (I guess my choice in music shows after all, huh) on my part, I am aware of that. But people have gotten killed for less. I would intervene if people I know were concerned.

Quite frankly I believe there is not much hope for the children and teenagers who are being raised by parents who cuss like sailors. Only if they are determined to live a better life than their parents.

I will never forget a trolley ride in Philly last summer. This 40something lady sat in the back of the trolley, yelling into her cell phone while loudly munching on some chips. After approximately the 16th "f*cking", "sh*t", "b*tch a*s" or "motherf*ucka" I felt my blood pressure rising to a point where I wanted to rip the cell phone and the bag of chips out of her hands, throw them out of the window while stuffing one of my flip flops into her mouth to make her shut up. Very ladylike, I know.

I have no clue how people like this get through life. And I don't think I want to ever understand it either. I actually feel ashamed for them. How weird is that?!
distinguishedgentlewoman

I too am scared for our future. Kids nowadays have no broughtupsy. They do whatever they please, say whatever the please, with no regard for each other or the adults around them. In my day, kids had respect for their elders. We knew better than to let any adult see us doing or saying anything wrong in the neighborhood because we knew our parents were gonna get a call that same night and we would be in for an ass whupping. Today, folks are being cursed out--and sometimes physically hurt--for complaining on their neighbors' kids.

Part of the fault lies in the parents' hands. Too many kids raising themselves and not getting the proper guidance and upbringing from their parents or parent figures: Cursing children out and ruining their self esteem is just wrong, let alone in public; physical, mental, and emotional abuse is wrong; neglect is dead wrong. And part of the blame lies on the fact that some kids are just basass--I have mentioned my cousins in earlier posts. They were born badass and they will remain that way forever. No amount of nurturing, teaching, or guidance will ever make a difference.

And I totally disagree with blaming the entertainment media for how kids are today. Yes, I agree they should not listen to explicit lyrics and their television watching and Internet surfing should be censored. But you can keep those elements out of your home, but what happens when your kids hear profanity and witness lewd behavior in the streets? There's not much a parent can do to prevent that. But that parent can teach them right from wrong, what's acceptable behavior and what's not allowed. My cousin's 3-year-old knows curse words are bad and that it's time to leave the room when she sees folks making out on TV, so don't tell me kids can't learn right from wrong at an early age.

And let's not forget the folks who expect the teachers, computer, and TV to raise their children. My friend, who is a grade school teacher, had a mother of one of her students beg her to speak to the child's father about disciplining their child. What the...

But as many bad parents as there are out there, there are some really GREAT parents with terrific kids--some of them read this blog. And they should be given their due respect. But you can be the best parent in the world, your child still has to go out into the world and deal with the badasses. I had home training, but shortly after leaving private schools for the public school system, I started acting up and became unruly and disorderly like the badasses in my new class. It took one phone call home to my parents and a double-team whup-ass session from mum and dad to set my ass back on the right track, for life. (Dang, I just got a twitch in my behind just thinking about it. But boy did I deserve it.)

It's sad how children are being brought up today. We need more parents to be respectful, responsible adults, and to be much, much more involved in raising their offspring. Then maybe we can turn the tides around.
distinguishedgentlewoman

@ da ThRONe:

It's funny you should mention L Boogie. She is the queen of miseducation and how not to raise children. She's hardly ever around to see her kids grow up; and their dad only comes around on birthdays. Her parents are raising her children under duress. And when she is around, she showers them with material things and blames the housekeepers and nannies when they act up. That's why they're so badass; her oldest was into porn at 10. And when she's in one of her many "moods," she curses their father, her parents, and the staff out in the most disrespectful way in front of them. Yet she goes onstage at her concerts pretending to be mother of the year. What a joke! Her next album should be titled The Miseducation of the Marley Kids.
Young Mother of 2

I have 2 kids of my own and I can tell you how many play dates I have turned down from other kids parents do to the fact that their kids curse more than I do. I dont beleive in cursing at my children at all and definetly dont curse around them. Because my oldest is 2 yrs old and she does repeat everything she hear me or her dad say. And music also has an effect on kids to, my daughter picked up on words from a song in just 1 listening, I listen to old school so I didnt have much to worry about. But it did help me to recognize that I do need to pay closer attention to what music they listen to no matter where we are.
Optical_Illusion

This reminds me of a paper I once wrote about the connection between hip-hop music and the AIDS epidemic, but since it isn't copywritten, I won't add the link.

However the subject at hand is parenting. I was a teenage mom and while I think I did (and am still doing) pretty well in keeping things together, I understand why I lot of teenage parents can not or simply just do not have the ability to parent.

First of all being a parent is hard. Any parent of any age will tell you that. How many of us have heard the saying "being a mother is a thankless job"? Even though you made the choice, at whatever age to become a parent, you still have personal wants, needs, and desires. More importantly, you still have FEELINGS (something that most children fail to recognize). As a mother, you want what's best for your children while still being able to just not be mom, but maintain your own individuality. Some people, can not do this. Frustration sets in like a mutha and I ain't gonna lie, sometimes I feel like saying "F it, you don't want to listen, you don't want to take my guidance, go ahead, F up your life", but because you love your children, you don't. First of all you PRAY for patience and guidance (don't want to turn this into a religious forum, but the Bible speaks about these things and how children are going to grow increasingly disrespectful to their parents) and then you remember how you thought you knew it all at that age (that's how I wound up 15, in love with some dude who could give two beans about me, and with a baby on my hip). Instead of cursing, yelling and name calling (which, trust me, any parent that is honest with themselves has the serious urge to do) implement various disciplines (including OCCASSIONAL spankings - spare th rod, spoil the child, which by the way HE didn't just mean in a physical sense for all of you self-righteous abusive ass parents) and TALK TO, not AT your child.

These things are not going to always work, things are not always going to run smooth. You are going to wake up some mornings hating them and they are most definitely going to wake up some mornings hating you. But know that this too shall pass and never resort to the TEN CRACK COMMANDMENTS over ROCK-A-BYE-BABY to soothe the baby or telling the kid you're going to "kick their back in" over "if you don't bring it down a notch, you will go to bed an hour early tonight."
distinguishedgentlewoman

@ Optical_Illusion:

You really broke it down. I love what you had to say.

BTW: Reciting the words to "Rock A Bye Baby" in my head, and... That's a brutal song, too.
Robin

I hate that I am even having to say this but sometimes I think we all dropped the ball somewhere...I'm 39, a widow with four children ages 11 to 16. I have my hands full 24/7. I am lucky that I was able to spend quality time at home with my kids when they were little and their father was still in this world to take care of everything so i COULD be at home.
I developed the "look" early on and I find that especially in public, that magic facial expression has conveyed everything I want to say to my children when they are acting up and Yes, even the older ones act up. But, contrary to the approval of public opinion....when they were little I spanked my kids. Time out worked too but sometimes a spanking was the only thing that worked. Not once did I ever have to lay a finger on them in public, that was what the "look" was for....the warning!! My sons are bigger than me now so although spanking hasn't been a option in several years, I remind them that they will never be too big for their mama to tare that tail up!! They laugh of course but they get the message.
It may seem corny but I told them specifically what I expected of them BEFORE we ventured out. They knew without a doubt that when we got to the checkout at the grocery store they were NOT getting candy or toys so throwing a tantrum was not going to do them any good. If they couldn't help themselves and started whining and crying and showing out, then I would give them the "look" and remind them that what they are doing is going to effect the next trip to the grocery and prevent them from candy then as well.
I was raised in the days of the Cosby Show followed by Rosanne. So, I can combine the wisdom of Mr. Cosby with the sarcasm of Rosanne instantly. Humor is a must in my parenting style. I brought them in the world and I will take them out! LOL!!
Now, you may think that I learned this from my own parents.....hardly. My parents did their best but some people shouldn't have children. I was slapped, beat and threatened by my mother for the smallest of infractions and my father only intervened when she was out of control. I've confronted them as an adult for the excessive way I was treated and made peace with it....it was what it was but, I made it my mission not to repeat the cycle.
I have given parenting classes in my community and volunteered at my kids school when they were younger and was fortunate enough that we live in a small community. Many times young mothers would ask me how to do this and how to do that because unfortunately they had no one to teach them...their own mothers had no parenting skills in the first place to pass down. That could be the whole problem right there. Too many times there is nothing passed down but these negative things.
I also believe...as if my opinion counts anyway......lol...... that there is no correlation to the music I listen to and the behavior of my kids because I am into everything from the oldies to hip hop and gangsta rap. So are they.
But I guarantee you that my children know when they can play what music because they have learned appropriateness from my example and they also know all to well just who in our home is as they say "straight up G" and who isn't and that would be their MAMA!!!
http://www.loveloleeta.blogspot.com JessyRod

I have bourne witness to various episodes of child abuse (yea i said it) on the street, in restaurants, on the train and anywhere else you can possibly imagine. From a mother growling at an adolescent girl who was walking up the platform to "stop! what the fuck i told you?" and seeing that child cringe and cower, to a mother completely engaged in her child's cutesy antics and not bothering to discipline her (the toddler decided the subway bench was a bed and splayed out, her feet digging into a man's sides). What happens to those kids? If they're lucky they figure out the difference and raise themselves (I've heard testimony from people whose parents were absent, addicted or unable) OR you get the latter which is emotionally stunted and immature adults who repeat the cycle, consciously or subconsciously.

I think it's everyone's business how a child behaves and thinks: from what you expose them to (music and media), what you say, and what you do or don't do. And I start at home. I have reprimanded my 10 year old godson, pulled my preteen cousin to the side for screaming on an elder and gently advised my 16 year old boy cousin on what's appropriate and inapproiate behavior in public. If we're always scared of what will happen, than the bad parenting we see is all that will ever happen.
MoonStarz

First problem, no one wanted to give a two year old a seat on the train? I live that practically everyday when I board the train with my toddlers. The kid probably would not have began to cry had he had been comfortably seated.

As for the teenage boy, he just may have not known better. The idea that he may have been looking after his younger brother brought flashbacks of the days when I was raising my younger brother. It's quite possible that boy could have had a 30 year old mom and dad. At his age, I did. I wouldn't look so harshly upon him as I would his parents.

On to bad parents, they exist in mass quantities and the poor way they raise their children is our business because one day, their child may come into contact with our children.

I don't often expose my children to the radio or music videos. We tune into the preschool channel, or the news (to their protest, but hey, there is only so much Dora one can take) when they are not doing homework, coloring or playing among themselves. They do learn these things outside the home though. They both can hum the tune to Disturbia because they learned it from a little girl at daycare. But they know their shapes, colors, animals, alphabet, numbers and they know their president! LOL
K-Love

I have a 2 year old son, who is smarter than the average kid. So I have to extra careful about what he see's or hears. Most of the time the television never leaves Nik 1, Nik 2, or Noggin, even Disney gets a little to racy every now and then. I say this because my son is a sponge, He can spell his name, say his number from 1-20 in both english and spanish. We have the English Alphabet locked down, and we are working on the Spanish. And he knows our new president and will tell you who he is, he even recognizes the first daughters. I know some grown people who can not retain that information but can tell you every thing that happened on BET.

My son is also fully potty trainied, and he wont be 3 until august, and they said boys are hard to train HA! I laugh in the face of a challange. Everything starts at home and you are who you hang with. So my son is not in the presence of any negative people, not even his father. Im not having. I am a single mother and I'll be dayumed if I allow society the way it is now to raise my son. All the music is about how many hoes and guns and rims and whips. In my car my son and I Listen to " The wheels on the bus" or "The itsy bitsy spider" and I jam it like it was the latest Jay-Z. But my son responds to me taking interest in the things he likes. Of course if you see a grown woman riding around clapping and bobbing head to the "Classic Pre-skool Jamz, you would think i was crazy, but if you look in my back seat you see a happy two year singing and learning at the same time. Again everything starts at home, apples never fall to far from the tree. We can only protect them so much, but if we catch them young and teach them then, we have less to worry about. Parents need to be their childs parent, and not their friend, it is always gets confusing. "Train a child in the way they should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

I am so proud of myself as a mother, and I am not ashamed of being so. It makes me a much cooler "MILF". (Something I would never say or do around my son) He closes his eyes when he see's people kiss, or if a girl has on too little clothes he closes his eyes. Kids need their chance to be kids, and sometimes as adults we forget that.
Octavia

I have a 15 year old son and when i comes to music and sensitive subjects (ie sex, drugs) I definately talk to him about lyrics that he's repeating in songs to get a feel for what he really understands about what he's saying. We discuss the reality of whats real and whats entertainment. You have to constantly battle against what your teaching your kids at home vs what they're exposed to at school via the internet etc. it's sometimes hard to monitor because bad information is everywhere, all you can do is communicate honestly with your children at whatever age they start asking questions. As far as going hard on a child in public..thats never good it tears a child down.
Musicman

"Her piece was about this study that found people who listened to Lil Wayne/hip-hop scored lower on their SATs than those that listened to Beethoven. In short, the conclusion/thesis was that hip-hop makes you dumber."

dude this is absolutely by DESIGN...Chris rock said i best: int the hood it's actually COOL to not know shit. That's why we elvete monosyllabic half-dollar types and from on Ni&&as spittin' knowledge. Now we are about to witness the result of a full generation being raised on a steady diet of bullshit.

We have a situation now were a lot of parents are busy partying and trying to be friends with their kids instead of parenting them. Hip is on of the first musical movements to NOT establish clear generational boundaries. Jazz went through many iterations where parents relinquished tastes to the younger generation. Now as many parents listen to 50 as kids do. so it's no wonder that they share the same twisted "hood rules."

I see it every day when kids refer to themselves as their "own parent" they have no concept of the future and the prison complex is going to explode over the next decade trying to house these young people.

Just because you have the parts to produce...doesn't mean you HAVE to reproduce.
Dr. BluInBK

This topic is my crack... I do not know how to start this one off.
litabia

I am a mother off 2 toddlers and I admit like the other parents there are days when I want to pull out my hair. I have to learn patience. I am taking parenting classes for the simple fact that there is no perfect parent and with the "no spanking" law going on. I'm trying to find the alternative. What I have figured out is your children act out for a specific reason. If you are a real parent then you will find out rather than belt in hand ready tear up some ass.

I feel that kids are carbon copies of their parents for the most part. And how you going to be mad at your child for imitating you. I am very aware of what my kids are doing, eating, listening to, watching and their language. I don't listen to rap music for my own reasons (I think lately rap music just sounds ridiculous). But it kills me when a child like around the age of 2-5, can sing a rap song or any song for that matter better than they can say their ABC's or count to 10. See me I know all the "Go Diego Go" songs, "Dora the Explora," "Yo Gabba Gabba" to name a few. It should be the other way around.

And just like distinguished gentle woman said those nursery rhymes like rock-a-bye baby were kind of brutal as well.
Anonymous

while i appreciate that most folks are up in arms about bad parenting, can i just say that the bad grammar and incorrect spelling of words, i.e.: there, they're, their, is killing me! i'm sorry just had to get that off my chest! lol!

kudos to robyn and k-love!
almost famous

Let's address the real issues......
1. doing hoodrat shit is fun...try it sometimes
2. teens raising toddlers. do we really expect great parenting
3. the school system has failed us
4. we shouldn't expect anything normal out of people because they will only let us down. expect the worst and then when they do the right thing you will be impressed.
5. People don't know how to raise a child because their parents didn't know how to raise them...this generation is phucked !

*slowly steps off soap box...runs out of comment section*
litabia

@anonymous

LOL...I know my spelling and grammar can be off sometimes too but damn...proofread.
Simone

The household that I was raised in, I could not disrespect my parents or anyone else that was my senior. They also should the same respect. I have never heard my parents use foul language in front of me. The closest to it was prob. a swear. I bring that same attitude into my household. My children are young at the ages of 6 and 4 and I am trying to bring them up the right way on my own. My son is not allowed to play with guns, or anything that look close to a gun. The only channels that they are allowed to watch is Disney and Nick Jr. I know that as much as I try to protect them from what they may hear outside my house, it cannot be helped. At the same time I hope that they would remember that mommy said it is not right, so even if we hear it doesn't mean that we would say or do it (I pray).
While we are on the subject of bad parenting, I am on the verge on trying to make a decision that would affect my children, probably drastically and I am hoping for your advice. I moved out of NY to get away from their father and all his B.S. He claims to be a father to them, but yet he does not support them. He also have the option to meet mid point of RI and NY to get them every other weekend, but does not. The only time he calls them besides their birthdays and christmas is when the court date is approaching (which he always cancels).
The thing is every time he calls them, he ask them what they want and tells them that he would get it for them and that he is coming to get them. Yet he never falls through with those promises. Promises that two young kids always look forward to. I am about to block his number from my phone. I do not want any more broken promises or broken hearts. I just wish that he would give up all rights, since he doesn't do anything for them or with them. Am I wrong? Does that make me a bad parent?
NWSO - I feel like i am temporarily taking over yur blog and I hope that you let this slide only because my heart is heavy with this decision that I am about to make. I feel though that I would be doing the right thing for my children sake.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Simone,

It's perfectly fine. I'll actually sidebar that response and hit you on email.

As always my email address can be found AT TOP OF PAGE in the contact link for anyone with specific questions or ideas etc.

NWSO
SingleMama

How do you feel when you see parents talk to their kids as if they’re grown in the streets? Hmmm... Well that depends on how old/young the child is. It depends on the maturity level of the child as well. What’s your stance on exposing young kids to adult music and movies? The media is not responsible for raising my son. I am responsible for that. I ensure he understands why I choose what songs he can and cannot listen to. My son is almost 9. We had the sex talk at 7. Thanks to his father being active at 10 and a ladies man, I felt the need to. My son may not know the specifics but he knows how I feel about it. He gets the idea. How young is too young to be exposed to adult content? Again it depends on the age and maturity of the child and I would also say their environment. Do you think people have the right to intervene when a parent is being abusive in public? Yes, if the abuse is going to hurt the child physically, mentally and emotionally, then yes. Where any of you raised in an aggressive household where your parents spoke to you like an adult? If so, how did that effect you? Yes, I was raised in an abusive and aggressive household. Some of my sis and bros are a little off and then some of us are just fine. People are just affected differently. Sometimes children repeat the cycle and others break it.
Anonymous

@ Anonymous:

I'm no expert, but I think it should be:

...can i just say that the bad grammar and incorrect spelling of words, i.e.: there, they’re, their, ARE killing me.

It's "ARE" because you listed two points:
1. bad grammar
2. incorrect spelling of words
http://www.tlawrites.blogspot.com tlawrites

I find myself on the fence a lot with this type of issue because I know many friends who got cussed out on the regular by their parents and turned out OK. I think it varies from child to child on how this type of talk behavior effects us in different ways, both positively and negatively.

I know I did feel some type of way once when I saw an obviously young mother with a t-shirt on while shopping with her two kids. The shirt was black with white letters that read 'Shut the F*&k Up!". One of the kids could read I wondered right at that moment how they felt about their mother wearing a shirt like that out in public.
MoonStarz

@Simone

BOTH of my brothers' fathers were that way. It is very detrimental and causes children to have trust issues. My mom would often fulfill the promises of which their fathers would retract.

My mom gave my youngest brother's father and ultimatum, she said that if you can call here once a day for him for x amount of days, then you can come and pay him a visit. This man couldn't even commit to that!

My brother is 12 now, on the honor roll and is on the basketball team at school. I believe he is doing fine without his dead beat dad. (My other brother is an adult now, btw.)
K-Love

And I have to add this...If you see the your child is a little @zzhole, and does not listen, Look in the mirror. You are to blame. Children mimic what they see.
da ThRONe

Bernie Mac said it best were bitch parents! My mom cursed me out all the time. I cursed all the time started watching porn at 7 but I know who to curse around. If an adult ever came back and told my mom or dad i was cussing that was an ass whooping! Kids are going be bad there gonna push the limits ,but its our jobs as parents to check there lil asses. Being a parent aint easy but damn it aint that hard. I love my mom to death but she wasnt super-mom at all. All it take is the bare minimal and there are sorry ass people who cant even give that!
Ropa

Charity begins at home, thats how i was raised and thats wat i believe. Your parents are human beings and they were raised by other human beings who make mistakes and such. My mum used to shut half the time and pinch my ear but since she had my lil bro who is 5 now and me and him have a 17yr gap between us, she has changed. I think its the times and the society, coz when i was a kid, we lived in Africa and now, we live in England so different times and atmosphere and such. I will never raise my kid by cursing and talking them down, i will respect my kids and teach them right from wrong. I watch my brother grow each day and i am proud because he is an individual, knows his rights and wrongs, he gives respect and is home trained.
Now back to the article, alot of things reflect how you were raised and such... the way we talk and interact with other people depends on how we have evolved as humans and natural selection. What is passed on to us we can later on in life decide to take it or leave it but as for the kid on the train, how do we know that his doing and not wat was passed on to him ie wat he witnesses at home....lol...hope that makes sense. Bad parenting started a long time ago and is passed from generation to generation, how to stop it is a personal choice and telling right from wrong on a personal level.
Like i said its no one's fault and dont go cursing ur parents for raising you a certain way, firstly did they know betta? Not saying they are dumb but how w are reflects so much about our past...
Some may say the 15yr old shudnt be babysitting in th first place and i wudnt blame him for listening to biggie or putting Biggie's song on, he is a teenager and no chance in hell is gon listen to a polly put the kattle on...i know its wrong but its the truth. No matter how many times our parents tell us not to listen to this or watch that, we still go on watch and listen to it now arent... He didnt know betta even if the child is his son, boy be just a teenager!!!
Ropa

a few spelling and gramma errors...sorry people had a long day today but was really looking forward to this blog.....good day every1....
Jenn Perez

WOW ! I have quite a bit to say on this subject (sorry I can only log on in the evenings but it looks like i missed some good ole stuff!!!)
Ok.. I can say that I do curse- I have two children and I am not a good mom- - I am a GREAT Mom..
My dad used a few shit and fuck words (he said he got it from the military) and my mom said the occasional "cono" so yes, i have slipped it a bit BUT i have gotten about 95% slip free. Not to mention that kids pick up words from everywhere not just from home. With that being said, bad language does not mean bad parent-- we are humans and we make mistakes. Also, Im not the only one who has GENTLY grabbed their kids hand in Walmart or Target and have them yell "Mami you're hurting me" - - perception is also a factor sometimes. That is not to say that I haven't wanted to bitchslap some awful mothers who curse or are just downright ghetto. And being from NYC but living in florida for the past Ten years- -Ebonics is WORSE THAN profanity: "Finnah, fixenn to, chilllllren" makes me want to puke in the parents mouth
BUT you have missed a large group of Bad parents that slide right by you. For example- I have a acquaintance who doesn't curse, Prays before she eats and Neglects her son to infinity. Wont teach him shit, her parents practically raised the kid, kid is always acting hungry and goofy and is scared of everything.
The teenager tried to help in the best way he knew how- - but it takes several factors to determine who is a good parent
PS: I have spanked.. using time out and removing priveledges now (3yr and 4yr old)
http://www.mybrownbaby.blogspot.com Denene@MyBrownBaby

Wow. Just... wow. That we're even asking whether or not a child listening to The Ten Crack Commandments is okay--and that some are actually arguing that it's not a big deal says A LOT about how we parents need to READ A DAMN PARENTING BOOK every once in a while--pick up a parenting magazine. Stop trying to "figure it out" and maybe, just maybe, consider that the way our parents did it wasn't exactly the end all to be all... that we could all stand some new ways of doing things. It saddens me greatly to know that there are parents out there cussing out kids like they're grown, letting them listen to music that's simply inappropriate for kids, hitting and yelling at babies instead of BEING THE ADULT and finding ways to communicate without the words being tinged with hurt and anger. Without intimidation and fear. I mean, really: There are so many things we African American parents miss about our kids--about their development, temperament, coping abilities, skills--because we don't bother to find out what, exactly, is the RIGHT way to parent. This bothers the shit out of me.

And then we wonder why we're being left out of the national parenthood debate.

This mess right here? Well... there it is.
da ThRONe

Whipping kids work I dont care who dont like it. A 2years-old does not understand respect and the hard work mommy and daddy put in ,but they understand pain. You can tell a baby not to play around the oven til your blue in the face but let'em get burned they'll fear that oven til there in college. Its not perfect(what is?) ,but that using your words or time out BS does not work. There is a huge difference between a spanking and child abuse. Kids need to know theres is gonna be consequeces for there action do good good things happen show your ass and it gets whooped.

As far as cussing kids thats doesnt help them at all and should never be done. Punishment should be dealt out to help that kid become a good person. Kids arent our verbal or physical punching bag. Every spanking should be for there own good not just because your pissed off. I would suggest that you dont hit your kid if your angry it should be a clear and rational decision that you do when your kid has gone too far and need to be tighting up on
carla

Nothing surprises me, I am a foster parent and I see daily what bad parenting or simply absolutely no parenting can do to even small children. One of them was a two year old who they warned me cussed alot. Well they exaggerated but he did cuss and he used the words in the right context. If he dropped something he would scream out "shit". He could barely speak anything other than curse words.
Spinster

It disgusts me to hear parents talk to their kids in that manner.

When I lived at home in the projects, my next-door neighbor could be heard at all times of day and night cursing at her 5 kids as if they were grown men. She'd call them everything but a child of god - all kinds of muthafucka, bastard, dumb ass, stupid, etc. etc. etc. Of course it has affected all 5 of them and not in a good way.

As someone who now works with teens and their families, I see even more now how much the things that parents say and do (or don't do) affects their kids. But many of them think that they're doing a GREAT job, so it's hard to get them to understand that they're actually mindfucking their kids.

Young kids should NOT be exposed to adult moviez and music. When I was 16, I spent the summer in Colorado with my older cousin and her husband and kids. She would not allow me to see any R-rated movies. Being thatg I saw R-rated movies before that summer, I was pissed of course. But hindsight is 20/20 and now as an adult I understand why she did that.

I'm not sure about intervening in public with these kinds of situations. You have to assess the danger and/or safety of doing so.

My home DAMN sure wasn't perfect. But we weren't spoken to like that.

And for the record, I believe that spankings/ass whoppings should be doled out in very small doses. I believe that there are other ways to discipline without resorting to that bullshit all the time and I think that it's the easy way out. But that's just me.
ouithree

I resisted responding to this topic, but i felt like i needed to, because you may have been speaking to me, of me and about me. I can't speak for others, but i can explain for ME and mine. I just don't want people to make generalizations. And for the record- i welcome the comments if y'all feel i'm wrong.

I raise my kids in MY home, in MY world, meaning, mine would go to your world and feel foreign, as would yours come to MY world and feel foreign. And when i say raise, please believe i'm VERY conscious of what i throw out there and expose them to. If you catch me getting in my kids ish in public, then it's prob more for the shock value to THEM, than anything else. I rarely get physical, at home OR in public, more verbal than anything and that's prob the problem. I play with them a lot - i want them happy - but sometimes they mistake serious for playing. I teach my kids a respect for all, especially for adults. If you met them, they'd prob "yes ma'am, no sir, please and thank you!" you to death, w/out prompting, NOT because i taught them the words, but because i taught them the VALUE of the words and that when you show respect and MEAN it, people tend to return the favor. And that works whether you're young or old.

Back to the inappropriate convo (yes, i admit its prob inappropriate... to YOU): along w/teachin them respect for others, i teach them respect for themselves as well as MYSELF. As a mama AND as a person. That being said, you will NOT disrespect me, whether you are friend or foe. Or FAM... And if you handle me like some random chick off the street, i'm more than likely to respond in kind, just to make a point. And don't get it twisted, i AM a hood chick, i don't apologize for me, i'm a good person, but i mean what i say when i say it. I have BOYS 8 & 9, i am 34yrs, 5'7 and about a 12/14 (TMI - i know... point coming). POINT: My 9yr old, who JUST turned nine, is almost at my shoulder, and built w/my thickness. By the time he's 12 he should prob be taller and bigger than me. Trust. My family builds em' like that... And there's not ONE, but TWO of them.

Their daddy's a good daddy (my almost ex-husband) but he lives in another city/town, and it's just ME now, since we've moved. I need to not have to call him for every disciplinary issue. (What's ironic, is that he doesn't have to get loud or repeat himself to them, a phone call usually works) I need them to have an INSTANTANEOUS respect for WHATEVER it is i tell them to do. Not now, but RIGHT now. They will NOT be disrespectful to me, and i include not following my directions as disrespectful. I'll tell them NO wrong, i love them!!. So, that being said, i do what i have to do to make them listen to me.

Right now, i'm their main authority figure and if i don't teach them a respect for authority then NWSO will be doing another article on them in a couple of years, prob from prison. Being real here... we're not in YOUR world, but in MINE.

If you're my neighbor and you hear me tell one of mine "you don't want to fall the FUCK OUT WITH ME..." i mean that ish. You may on occasion hear me in the grocery store - prob 'cause i don't want them thinking that i'll not respond in certain situations where the "other" folk might hear. Yes, i'm embarrassed when i get loud in public, but so are the BOYS. And that, my dear, is my point. I could give a flying freak about what other folks think of my parenting. The ones that matter (teachers, administrators, friends who love my kids, family who PRAISE my kids, church folks who're looking for my kids to participate because they know the other kids will then also...), these are the folk who really know what it is and who's opinions i respect. And while they may cringe at my methods, the result is exactly what i was looking for. I'll keep doing me, thank you very much. YOU? You just be glad i'm keeping my kids from coming at you (with a big pretty silver plated 4 5) in a couple of years. I'm raising MEN not MENACES. If you don't know me or mine then you can't tell me that my parenting is wrong, it's just not the way YOU would do it. I respect that. But then many of your kids couldn't come up in the world i came up in. I wouldn't want them to, just as i don't want mine having to.

My kids are good kids, usually respectful to all, gets along w/all, plenty of friends and they do well in school. They're self-sufficient, because i'm not promised tomorow to be here to take care of them. They're loving, hugs to all, "i love you" is heard ALL day in MY house, w/out prompting, because i give them that and it's their nature now to relate that to others. They walk in and do their hmwok before they go out side, do their chores before they go outside, ask me if i need them to do anything else, BEFORE THEY GO OUTSIDE. They read more than they fight. They hug more than they hit. They tend to praise you more than they'll "down" you. I DID THAT SHIT. ALL BY MY GHETTO AZZ SELF. i did that ish NOT just for me and mine, but for you and yours. For the interaction w/the rest of the world that they'll eventually have.

Sometimes... judgement should be reserved for judges. Most of us don't get paid to do that. I come from a place where i've interacted with so many different kinds of people, on so many different levels. i don't feel as if anyone is better than me, nor do i feel as if i'm better than anyone else. I'm favored that i can "flip" it and be pretty comfortable in any situation i'm in. I may not always react in a way that's expected, and sometimes i react in a way that you may TOTALLY expect, just because i know you expect it. IE, I've been known to "hood" my voice a bit because depending on how i'm dressed and where i'm at, i'm defined as either hood or bougie. lol. I've been known to "bougie" my voice a bit, because again, depending on where i'm at i'm defined as either hood or bougie. i consider myself ME. I don't like people assuming things about me.

I don't allow my kids to hear or do certain things without explaining whats going on. It's simple to explain what the hell Wayne meant when he was singing about a "lollipop", especially if the kids are gonna be singing it. And they ARE gonna sing it. You say, HEY, TMI for those kids!!! Nah... too much info for YOUR kids, my kids KNOW what it is. Because i've taught them. I can't hide the world from them, i can only tell them how to participate.

I don't apologize.