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Can Dirty Talk Be Held Against You?

Posted by NWSO • March 9, 2009 • Printer-friendly

dirty_talk_c

A reader hit me the other day with an interesting dilemma. She's 20 years old and has only been with one guy, who went from her first love to a friend with benefits. Their rebound sexual relationship has been going on for a while now, which she is cool with because everything was always great physically, but during their last episode homeboy started getting into some dirty talk. Along with typical bedroom chatter like, "Is it mine?" and "Am I the best?" he also asked, "Do you love me still?" Looking to stroke his ego, while he stroked her cat, she replied in the affirmative to all of the above. No big deal, right? Wrong. During a post-coital conversation, she reconfirmed her pre-sex stance of not being in love with him anymore and they were just having sex, which resulted in homeboy calling her a liar. After a hissy fit, he decided to stop talking to her altogether. SMH.

In a nutshell, I told her that dude was wack for that. No one should be held accountable for things said in the throws of passion because you're not thinking rationally and are liable to agree to anything when the loving is right. We've all been there (or at least I'd hope so) where it's getting real good and someone starts dirty talkin’ and might pose a question like, "Whose pussy/dick is this?" What are you supposed to say to that? "Oh, well, actually, this penis belongs to the chick that was here last week and I'm just letting you borrow it for a few strokes?" Of course I’m gonna say it’s yours. It's just proper bedroom etiquette. Anything else would be uncivilized and a major turn-off.

So if you ask me any and all sex talk is inadmissible in a court of consenting adults and anything said in the throws of passion cannot be held against you. I know I've found myself posing some wild ass questions in the heat of the moment. On one extremely cocky evening (or two) I recall asking a chick, “Whose is it?” As expected, she readily relinquished ownership to me. But I wanted to press the issue, "So if this is mine, can I hit it if you're married?"

"Huh?"

"I said, ‘Can I hit this whenever I want, even if you're married?’"

She tried to resist but as the loving got more intense she couldn't contain herself. In that moment she would submit to any and all of my requests without question and that’s exactly what she did. "Yes," she blurted as I stroked her. "You can hit it when I'm married. I'll come running whenever you want… Just don't stop."

Sure she said it and maybe in that pleasurable moment maybe she even meant it, but there was no way in hell I'd actually hold her to such an outlandish request. 1) I respect the sanctity of marriage. 2) Good dick/pussy will make you say anything. 3) I’d really be an asshole if I expected a married woman to give up the good just because of something she said in the heat of the moment. If you’re not in a committed relationships, sex talk is just that talk so take that, take that with a grain of salt.

What's the craziest thing you've said or had someone say during sex? Should people be held accountable for their outbursts during the act? What if someone says I love you? Does it matter if they only say they love you when you’re having sex? Is it okay to stroke the person’s ego or should you respond truthfully to questions about love during the act? Should you even ask questions about love during sex or save those kinds of conversations for when you’re less distracted?

Speak your piece…

man-on-nape-of-neck

Tagged as: dirty talk, lying, sex talk, sex with the ex

sb

lol homeboy is lame...his manhood is under question for that hissy fit he had haha
http://thecocoaluvchronicles.blogspot.com Miss Cocoa Luv

I told a dude that he was the best while in the middle of a marathon session. Smh. I say some real outlandish shit during the act. I get dickmatized I guess lol. Tmi so that's all
MsMalaika

Now, a subject that makes me stop stalking, and start talking. LOL.
Ans, I swear that I have told my ex to never ask me certain questions while we were having sex. He decided to continue asking dumb questions like "what do you want baby? do you want this d....?" I told him my grocery list. He stopped and said huh? I told him milk, eggs, chicken, and bread.
I don't think you should ask questions you don't really want the answer too.
What if dude wanted to know whose it is? And the girl says "Rodney's cuz he knows I like it like...." I always have said mine.
(Celibacy exacerbates my jacked up sense of humor by the way.)
Just thinking, it may be a sad thing that no one's gave it to me in the right way to make me answer the question differently. Awwww, sad now.
Still laughing though.
Anonymous

lmfao @ “I said, ‘Can I hit this whenever I want, even if you’re married?’”
go divasorrysorry

there has only been one time ive been completely turned off and he said are you ready to have my baby? no thank you put on my clothes and left...recently though ive said big daddy i love u and he just rolled with it and said i love u too lol do i love him naw but the way he was hitting i shew did think it for a few minutes....speaking of him once in the throws of passion he said i want u to turn me out
Spinster

I think it matters if the person says "I love you" only during sex. Why can't the person say it outside of sex? What is the person ashamed of?

I know a woman who was with a man and in the throes of passion he said "I want you to be my baby MUVA" (yes, NYC style). I'm sure it was calculated. This fool said okay and her son is 7 years old now. The "man" is serving time in prison for god knows what.

It couldn't have POSSIBLY been that good.
http://nakedwithsockson@gmail.com Mondina

I think some thing should be held accountable, I do think what NWSO said about her situation is correct. I think he should not have asked a question that he wasn't prepared to hear an answer to. Why i say that some things should be held accountable, my ex in the heat of our love making asked me how did it feel for me to get raped at a young age, and did it feel good, all at the same time. Mind you i did say ex, that was a major turn off, and disbelief. When question about it, his reason was he wanted to talk about it, and know more about.
sweetshani

I am going to have to tell a little more than I should but oh well....

One time many years ago with my EX, we are doing the do and I guess in the heat of his moment he asks if my BFF can join....and I quote "When are you going to let your homegirl join us with her big ass titties?"

(Record screached to a halt) I pulled back in order for his d*** to come out and said and I quote "What the fuck did you just say?" "Are you serious? Get your shit and get the fuck out you disrespectful ass m.....f.....

Yes we may agree to many many things in the heat of the moment BUT there are just some things that could get a m.....f..... shot!
Tee

I so agree .. lol

"It’s just proper bedroom etiquette. Anything else would be uncivilized and a major turn-off."
http://twitter.com/mbrowntheremix Mike Brown the REMIX

Things I've heard:

"Those young bitches can't work you like this can they? Can they?!"

"F*** you, you hazel-eyed bastard"

Good times. But, I have a porn-star alterego who welcomes these comments.

However, it's important that men use this time to win arguments they've lost under the dreaded pretense of "woman logic". Just get the stroke perfected and look her dead in the eye and ask "Who's gonna do those dishes from now on?" Watch what happens. It's the perfect time to make those type of rhetorical situations. Actually, you have to be a pro. A beast. Make a list of demands and hold that p***y hostage.

NWSO, I was here.

-MBR
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Mike Brown

I noticed the "hazel-eyed" reference plus a link to your site. Well played, young man, well played. I'm sure a bevy of beautiful women are now proceeding to click away to find this alleged beast of a light eyed fool.

SMH

LOL
Seriously, No Seriously

That's like saying don't hold me responsible for anything i said last night b/c i was drunk!...yeah ok!.....I don't say anything off the wall b/c i am full aware of what I say and do no matter how good the dyck is!......had this one guy ask me the infamous who's is it.....and my reply was urs while ya in it....yeah he paused but he asked and I told the truth......if i ask a question during that time i expect the truth not some suga coated crap that you can rescind when the mission is complete! but hey that's just me.......don't ask me something you're not prepared to handle in or out the bed!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Seriously

Damn, what happened to the fantasy? Can't two folks have a little shit talking at least? Since I don't hold dirty talk against anyone, I don't want too much truth just heat of the moment fun. But in same token, I wouldn't ask no "love" questions at that there moment either. Balance
Melody

oh wow, that lil boy is still wet behind the ears, howd he get mad and call her a liar?..lmao!! But yeah umm I dont think folks should ask questions they really dont want the answers to during sex. And Ans, oh man if I heard "Can I hit this even if you're married" I think I wouldve bursted out in laughter, thats some weird shit..LOL
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Melody,

well, I've asked that on more than one occasion and gotten affirmative replies. Go figure.

Even had my named spelled backwards a few times.... LOL
Seriously, No Seriously

@NWSO

yeah shyt talking is very much welcomed but be careful of stupid questions.....I talk just as my shty and dirty talk as most men but i'm not gonna ask a jump~off is this my dyck!....i would expect him to say yeah while ur riding it!.....but like I said that is just me! I love the whole fantasy thing but if we role playing and pretending we're in a relationship then that needs to be said b4 hand b/c my sarcastic and bluntly honest self will say soemthing to make you pause and might even make jimmy shrivel up and hide! LOL
Seriously, No Seriously

@Melody I have had men ask me that stupid crap(can i hit it when u married) and thought i would actually say yeah i will commit adultery with you and lose my man and jack up my household for 30-2hrs of fun in the sack!.....I say its str8 ego for men!......to actually think their dyck is that golden!.....I have come across some I thought that if given the right time and place i might have fell in the temptation but reality has a way of bringing you to ur senses! LOL
http://twitter.com/mbrowntheremix Mike Brown the REMIX

@NWSO

haha not even pumping the twitter too heavy. the real site isn't done yet, but I'll send over what I'm working on.
k-Love

I hope no one ever tries to hold me accountable for something I said Face down @zz up. It that situation, I am liable to say anything, but if its not my man, "I love you" will not part my lips. You may hear "I love that man tool", but "I love you". If that is the only way to get those words out of me, something is wrong somewhere. Just keep it freaky, save the lubby dubby stuff for afterwards. Even when my man is doing the dayum thing, Im not thinking oh " I love him" i'm thinking "he's tearing this @zz up, and that is what usually comes out. But this comes with experience, you have to control your outburst or know what to sayand how to answer questions. When he ask "whose is it?" You look back over your shoulder right dead in his eyes and say in a seductive voice "ask me again." In my experience he won't ask again, cause you have stoked his ego, now he feels like he is the muthaphucking man. Actions speak louder than words.
YoungJay

I've never really had a problem with content...i dont think you should be restricted in bed. However I do have a problem with frequency, some people just talk to damn much in the sack.....
Just ME HC

Okay so this was definately a great post. It makes me really taken into consideration my own actions. I have been in a "sexual" relationship with my ex (who is actually dating someone else) for a minute now. And i catch myself at times tellin him i still love him in the heat of the moment, only to second guess my thoughts once were done. Do i love him, yes i'll always have love for him, but do i really love him in that "way" anymore i'm not so sure. Do i ever want him to take it to heart while were in the action definately not. I say some crazy things while in the moment.
Craziest thing i've ever agreed to was being someones girl friend. We had been "talking" for a minute and decided to just go for it one night AFTER i had made it very clear i did not want a relationship, i wasnt ready after me and my ex split. He agreed that it would just sex! In the middle of the deed he asks me to be his girlfriend out of being "in the moment" of course i agreed but afterwards thought it was just that "sex talk". NO, not for him at least, the next day my phone blew up, hey honey, baby blah blah he called to tell me he was so glad he could finally call me his girlfriend and the whole time i'm dumbfounded like WTF DO I DO NOW...... lol needless to say he told me he loved me a week later and the next time i broke it off (in my eyes we were never "dating" anyways) lol.
BK

One time in the heat of an off-the wall session. I must've mixed up my "oh sh*ts" with my "i love yous" and i straight up said.."OH...F*CK YOU, GIRL!"

Hours later i got the sideways look like..."F me, huh?"...
Fat Face

Naw no late night, early morning, or midday throws of passion talk should be held against you when your tossing at that time but, the words that are tossed after and before the passion are the ones to behold! I've had some weird dirty talk in my life before. I even had one guy ask me to grade him on his performance. My remark was if you have the opportunity to stroke my kitty again then you know your answer and, if you never get the opportunity again then you know your answer as well. I've even had old flames and flings call me later talking bout hooking up. Hooking up what? My name to a vehicle that your making payments for? Hooking me up with a couple of your pay checks? That's the only thing those guys coulda been talking bout cauz... They would neva and will neva have the opportunity to touch ms. kitty eva again so, I guess they got their answer...
Optical_Illusion

I don't ask too many questions in the bed. I'm more of a statement maker, like F*ck me, hurt me, bust my ass, and choke me. You know the usual sh*t. I did tell a dude I had been screwing for years on one drunken night, that I loved him. I didn't mean him, just the sex.

When I am asked a questions that I really don't want to answer like "do you love me", I just simply place my finger over his mouth and say "baby, shh, just let me enjoy you." Or ignore him. Otherwise I play along. F*ck it!
Optical_Illusion

@ BK

LMAO!!!
Musicman

@sweetshani: I got blown up in the heat of the moment saying "I want tap you and your best friend and make you both scream..."

That went over like a warm wet fart...
Ari Ankh Neferet

@ BK
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Oh my.

Um so yeah - dude (from NWSO' original post) is ridiculous. Please. He'd have a difficult time ascertaining if I still existed after that. I fully agree - anything that's said under covers is appropriate and applicable to that instance only....unless you're in a relationship. At which point, you should be meaning everything you say anyway. I would never say anything I don't mean in the moment just of my own volition (ie: "I love you" etc) but if asked, I'll respond affirmatively to keep the energy going...

On that note, the most absurd ish I've ever heard came from an ex who was (well...still is) Angolan. This cat said, "I'm an animal baby...you like this big, black Mandingo dick??"...it was virtually impossible for me not to guffaw dead in his face. My inner anthropologist was like um...wrong side of the continent brotha...your peeps are NOT Mandingo. We laughed about it later; he was actually embarrassed and said he didn't know what came over him. Might work on the white girls but um...yeah. Not me.
sweetshani

@musicman

LOL wet fart my ass (pun not intended).....that fucked up my mood and our relationship. There was no way I could ever be comfortable with both of them in the same room.

He was lucky that I wasn't a ruffneck because he could've got shot...or stabbed....or both!!

ONE OF THE ULTIMATE DISRESPECTS
tracs

I think it is sad we are hating on this poor dude just because he & your friend got their wires crossed. In bed or otherwise it is not a good idea to toy with thosse 3 words. Obviously he loved her & or wants to be loved by her & that's why he asked. The burden is on you to chose how to respond but generally if you say things u dont mean under any circumstance it does mean u lied.

We are less inhibited with our clothes off, that much is true so alot of ish u would normally hold back might be said & sometimes they are true. When my ex & I were divorcing ( & still doing the deed) he would ask me how can I let this go..dont I still love him & all sorts of painful stuff I know he wouldn't say out loud in his right mind. I just kept my mouth shut & just took what I wanted out of the moment. No way I was gonna let the sex complicate my life more than it already was.
tracs

@ Musicman....Ugh..u just ruined my lunch with that wet fart talk.
da ThRONe

I dont like dirty talk in bed play. I feel like talking while sexing should be reserved for for a few instruction and maybe a lil encouragement. But Im not big on dirty talk mostly i fear saying something that might be a little to dirty that might get me kick out! Im a product of early porn viewing and might say something completely inappropriate
Potato w/ Jive

Yea dirty talk is a tricky area. Some people get off on the whole role play of it.."Your daddy's little whore arent you?"...or "Yea take that b*tch"

For some, its a form of limit pushing and its exciting...for others, its button pushing and it may lead to a grand halt of all sexytime activity. Definitely need to take special care when testing out those waters.
litabia

I'm reading all these comments and ya'll some tramps!!! Naw, I'm just kidding.

@Mike Brown

You are not lying about a man winning arguements or getting his way while fucking the shit out of his female (granted he MUST be putting it down). But he can get anything if he ask at the right time. I know that what my dude used to do. "I want some steak and potatoes tomorrow, and a full breakfast in the morning." All kinds of shit. Now, I learned how to bypass all the demands part of the sex. But yeah it can be done. And it works for the females too. Get bills paid, new outfit, hairdo the works if you working it right. He will even cook you a 5 course meal believe me. LOL.
Jenn Perez

LMCO!! OMG: First of all, when a dude is asking too many questions- just pop a teta in his mouth and he will shut that shit up!! It seems like you guys talk to DAMN much.. You know what WE really like to hear: Damn mami, that shyt is good...so wet.. so tight.. ohh... ahhh..ayyyy.. Shit like that. This is NOT a Job Interview, Cock is NOT on the resume. If you Really want to know how she feels, the shut your mouth and feel it with your body..
And for dudes that want their girls/booty calls/wuteva to do their dishes, make them dinner- - you are obviously not into it if you're thinking of some dumb ass shit like that OR you are SO wakk that you need to think this shit up beforehand. Other than how it feels..and the occasional orgasmic moans- - shut the fuck up.. if you Must move your lips.. if they cant stop shaking, then exit the vagina and insert your tongue..
Jboogie out! lmco!!
ibrownapple29

I've been in this situation before and I told old-boy to get the stepping because there is always someone better and don't mine the no strings attached!!!!
Mz. VooDoo

Ok...all I want to hear is some ooohhs and ahhhs...Nothing else needs to be said. I may tell my partner to "milk that pu.."Other than that, nothing..
Pretty_Kitty

What’s the craziest thing you’ve said or had someone say during sex? IShould people be held accountable for their outbursts during the act? What if someone says I love you? Does it matter if they only say they love you when you’re having sex? Is it okay to stroke the person’s ego or should you respond truthfully to questions about love during the act? Should you even ask questions about love during sex or save those kinds of conversations for when you’re less distracted?

Well fist off, NWSO, GREAT SUBJECT MATTER, as usual....now, on to the good stuff.....I agree with you whole heartedly. NOBODY should be held accountable for anything that they blurt out while being intimate. The only acception is when you are in a commited relationship and you say the same things when you are not in a compromising position. Other than that, you should expect the unexpected. That includes the 'I Love Yous' and all that. And also agree with not having a full fledged conversation while you are naked, bad, BAD IDEA! The most crazy/memorable thing that happened to to me was just after finishing a good 2 or 3 rounds first thing in the morning and me showing my a$$, literally....brotha called his mama and said, I didnt want anything, just wanted to say hey. The significance to that was I had said the night before and several times before that, that I was going to %uck him so good that he'd call his Mama and ask why didn't she warn him! So, needless to say, that stroked my ego!
VirgoVida

Dude is really wack for trying to be cut buddies and then wanting the old relationship back.
Dirty talk is mandatory for me! Heavy breathing needs some entertainment to go with it. I don't want to talk about the day's events or Obama or Wall Street. But I do want to talk about what we're doing.
My first experience was with a dude that didn't say anything....EVER! So I thought whatever I was doing was crap. Then a couple years later he told me that he never said anything because it was too good and he had to concentrate in order to not cum quick. moral here: tell the chick what you like, and if it's good or not!
Wackest bedroom shout out I've had is with a dude that wasn't putting it down at all. What's worse than that? Saying: "you want this d*&%, don't u"? And you're thinking to yourself, too bad you don't have what I want.........
mzsmith

I'VE BEEN N THE SITUATION WITH MY CHILDS FATHER WHENEVER WE USED TO GET TOGETHER AND HE ASKED ME WHO ITS FOR I WOULD REPLY NOT YOURS AND THAT MADE HIM WORK HARDER UNTIL THAT ANSWER TURNED. LOL...SEX IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN AND SPONTANEOUS SO THATS WHAT THE TALK IS FOR. IM GONE TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR AND I KNOW WHATEVER YOU IS SAYING IS BULLSHIT COMING FROM YOUR
D**K...LMAO SO DO YOU AND HAVE FUN
Ameretta

@ MzSmith

Hillarious!

But this reminds me of the episode from Sex & the City, when Charlotte was dating a guy that would always blurt out obscenties like "F*ck You, B*tch, You nasty CockSucka" But the guy does not relieze he's saying these nasty things, he blacks out during sex!

So if you are caught in the heat in the moment and say something off the wall, just act like you don't know what the other person is saying! Just say to tend to Black out every know and then and you can not recollect what was said!

LOL!!!
da ThRONe

@Ameretta

I believe the line was "You fu*king b!tch" "You fu*king whore" LOL

There no right answer here some people love dirty talk and everything plays. While some people dont like it or might even take certain things to heart. The only answer is communcation know what it is that legal dirty talk and whats out of bounds!
moonstarz

Anything dirty talk requests that I won't agree to during sex, I ignore or tell the guy 'ssshhhh', LOL
http://counterfeitparadise.blogspot.com crystal

@Potato w/ Jive:

"it may lead to a grand halt of all sexytime activity"

absolutely loves this. especially the use of 'sexytime'.
http://irunthroughbabymommas.blogspot.com William H.

Lmaooooooo damn that's dope!...yo dudes be feelin like that tho. Like so "when u get married I'm really tryin to slut you out". Lol we jus tryin to feel like we got that pussy on tuck.

Anywho..hmmmmm I think the most "RECENT" wild shit I said was...."you my slut for tonight right"....while she was toppin me lol. U gotta say that wild shit gettin head...aint nothing they can do while they down there lolol. Good post tho homie.

Irunthroughbabymommas.blogspot.com
http://inthesunshyne.blogspot.com yes

no questions please, just stickin
The Intellect

These comments and this post were both great. When I first emailed NWSO about my situation I was still a little disturbed by how everything went down between us. But to make a long story short, he has gotten over himself and his need to call me a liar and has been blowing my phone up to apologize in an "adult manner."

I just hit ignore, it's time to move on anyway.
AllInTheGame

Re: dude NWSO gave advice about,

If he's being manipulative that early in the game, she needs to cut bait and fast (which I see you did, The Intellect).

Re: the topic du jour,

Ive had some very wild pillow talk, and all I will share is that I learned that if you just take it as pure fantasy and dont take it to heart, the pillow talk can get freakier if thats what youre into.

If youre not into all that talking, that should be made clear early in the game so the person can decide if its worth it to adjust their approach or just move on to someone who likes the shit talking as much as they do.
LolitaBaby

As the name implies, I am a Lolita and I am petite. But I literally turn into a wild woman when it's THAT good. I know what I want and I am NOT afraid to take it without asking LOL When I'm having sex, it's when I'm the most honest because ALL my stuff is good, and you can either match me, make me feel so good that I actually STFU, or make me laugh and push you off of me.

Yes, I have done this many times, and have no problem doin so, ESPECIALLY if you aint mah man, and there aint no strings attatched. I dont owe you nothing so if you suck, I'ma let you know LOL

The only thing I need to hear from my partner are moans, screams, and heavy breathing. Otherwise, the shivers, the leg twitchin, the inability to breathe properly are enough for me.
Lisa a.k.a Rasta74

I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder so I'm always blurting out crazy,random stuff because my mind is constantly going. I'm at my worst in the morning before I take my adderall, and when I'm drunk which was my state about 4 years ago during this bedroom talk encounter: I had been dating this dude for about a month and after an evening of beveraging we headed back to my place and within a few minutes we were doin it. I was really drunk and my whole body was kinda numb so I was just layin there(now when I'm sober much more aggressive and creative,I got skills). My mind started to wander. My dude was really really into it sayin sh*t like "damn your pu*sy is good!" my response was "I saw a midget today." dude stopped in mid pelvic thrust and said "what the f**ck?? What are Tryin to say?? What's your point???" I said "well did you see a midget today?" he said "hell nawh I aint seen a midget today!" and then I said "that's my point. I did" I don't remember what happened next and it didn't dawn on me til the next morning when I was sober and my adderall kicked in that my dude associated my midget comment with the size of his dick. Oopsy.
da ThRONe

@Lisa a.k.a Rasta74

Ma we can hangout any day of the week I would die laughing @ you! LOL
the girl that be me

lmao @ lisa!!!
Anonymous

i love dirty talk. once i asked him whose pussy is this and he said "mine" so i corrected him and said "no, daddy's pussy"
taylormade

I really dont mind it, as long as its not to overboard, i was actually taught that by a few women who liked to hear things in the heat of the moment, so til this very day, I still throw a few shots in, and that actually makes some of them get more into it. And as far as that "can I still hit when youre married", I actually asked that question before, not during sex, but afterwards and she said yes, but she's married now, and I ran into her a few times since then, and she stuck with her words. shouts to her....um.
Southern Poise

WOW.... that was soooo not okay... I agree, 100%, some things you should really consider before you spit that shit out lol. I mean, I'm sayin, sounds like he'd been thinking about it for a minute, since he felt like it was ok to say. But I guess he didn't think long and hard before he actually let it slide out. Like who the hell he think you were to be ok with it??? lol. FAIL.... LOL