Week before last I went to my homegirl Tina’s birthday party at this spot in Brooklyn. Me and my man Todd were posted up at the bar when our friend Wendy popped up (and out). As soon as I turned around to greet her, all I could see were her breasts, which where right at eye level and on full display thanks to her buttoned down button-up blouse. Since Wendy is like a sexy stepsister to me—fly as hell but too cool to go there with—I immediately raised my hand to shield the view of her fun bags and demanded she cover them up.
“What are you talking about, Ans,” she chuckled. “They’re just titties.”
“Yes, I know, but we don’t need to be looking at your breasts right now,” I replied. “So put them away.”
“I’m not gonna fall into your boobie trap.”
“What the hell is a boobie trap?”
“Those,” I said, pointing at her chest.
A “boobie trap” is what I call a woman’s cleavage when she leaves it exposed. See, men are visual creatures and by nature we’re drawn to shapely women—especially to their, uh, frontal chest region. Maybe it’s something in our genetic makeup or that we’re just horn balls, but men like breasts and we look at them every chance we get. Half the time we don’t even know we’re doing it—it’s just an uncontrollable reflex.
I’ll be the first to confess that I’ve caught myself absentmindedly looking at a woman’s chest. I’ll never leer in a psycho, perverted kinda way, but my eyes tend to get drawn to just about 12 inches below a women’s eye level on a regular bases. I’m not trying to objectify you, degrade you or disrespect you, so when I find myself falling into a boobie trap I try my best to get out of it as soon as possible, like I did with Wendy.
As much as Wendy wants to play innocent, she knew exactly what she was doing when she put that shirt on and decided not to do those last few buttons. Because any woman rockin’ a low-cut blouse with a shiny necklace nestled oh so gently between her soft and supple bosoms (drool) knows that men’s eyes are gonna make a beeline straight to her cleavage. It’s even worst for top-heavy women wearing something revealing, because both men and women are probably gonna sneak a peak. There’s nothing wrong with looking, it’s just a matter of not being too disrespectful. Look but don’t touch. Stare but don’t leer. We mean no harm (well, most of us). One quick glance and we’ll be gone. But it’s like a Lays potato chip, sometimes you can’t have just one…peak. But that’s when you get…
By the boss’ wife (uh-oh)
By your best friend’s sister (sorry)
By the girl across from you on the train/bus/plane, et al. (My bad)
By the practically every damn woman (oops)
Fellas, I know we like to think we’re slick when we try to grab a quick glance, but we will always get caught. Women have some sort of built in radar that let’s them know when we’re looking at their girls. Some will make their disgust quite obvious, while others just ignore it because they’ve become immune to it. But that doesn’t mean that she didn’t catch you, homie. We’re just not as slick as we think we are.
Sometimes guys try to fight the natural instinct to look, which winds up being the most awkward thing in the world. That’s when a guy stares directly into a woman’s eyes as he’s talking to her to let her know his eyes are not wandering. Or, we do the complete opposite and look everywhere but below eye level. We’ll be looking at the top of your head or straight up at the ceiling. By time the conversation is over, we’ll know how many light bulbs are in every room. The goal is to do anything to stop from looking down, but if it’s a long conversation, you’re doomed to fail. The urge to look at a woman’s chest is just too strong. (Yes, it really is). Breasts aren’t going anywhere any time soon (Thank God), and as long as women keep setting their boobie traps, men are gonna get caught looking. Happy hunting, ladies.
Ladies, how often do you catch men looking at your chest? Are you flattered by it or disgusted? Does it depend on who’s falling into your boobie trap? Any women willing to admit to wearing low-cut tops just to get attention? Do some women use their boobie traps to get things out of men? How funny is it when you catch a guy trying not to stare but you know he wants to? Fellas, what joy do you get out of looking at a nice pair of boobies? How awkward is it for you when you try not to stare?
Speak your piece…