Black Girl Lost (You’re Worth More Than Sex)

0 Posted by - March 19, 2009 - Dear NWSO, Relationships, Love & Marriage

not-average-blk-girl

Earlier this week I was sitting on my couch waiting for the phone to ring so I could do yet another interview when my BlackBerry went off. I reached for the silver device by my side and saw that I had another comment on one of my posts. It was a screen name I didn’t recognize and related to one of my archived posts from back in November, so I clicked the trackball and read the following disturbing message:

“WOW Y’all talking about sex makes me feel so relax I would love to have somebody that I will have sex with more than 5 times per day and that’s definatly (sic) millions of times per week how is that lol? If anyone is interested and want that real good sex send me email to xxxxxx@xxxxxx.com see ya.”

Needless to say I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that a woman would just throw herself out there like that. Yeah, we’re all adults and most of us enjoy sex, but there should be some sort of coherent method to the selection process, right? It shouldn’t just be a first come, first serve basis. Or maybe that’s just me. Whatever the case is, I couldn’t just let that message go unanswered. No, not to take her up on her offer, but to offer this child some advice so I wrote the following response:

@ MS. XXXXX
Peace sis, I don’t know you and mean no offense by this. But is sex that good/important that you post your email to get it from God knows who? What about getting to know someone, knowing the person’s sexual history, when their last STD test was, what their goals are first? And that goes both ways for whoever may or may not respond.
I deplore
 implore you to read this post: ?CLICK HERE. I’m not judging you because like I said I don’t know you and I hope this doesn’t offend you but I’m sure there’s more to you and you want more from a man than having sex a million times a day.
Peace.

That was my initial PC response. Even after I hit post, though, I felt like there was a bigger problem that needed to be addressed. I have no idea who this woman is or if she even exists. One person who responded to my appalled message I Tweeted shortly after reading it, asked, “Was it really her that posted that or was her account hacked? No self-respecting woman would post something like that.”

Perhaps, but something in my gut doubts it. So my (online) friend raised a very good question: What self-respecting woman would solicit sex so publicly and randomly? None, I gather. I know we spoke about how some women view their vagina as “sacred” the other day on “The Demise of Dating” post. This is clearly an example of someone that didn’t get the memo.

You know what; let me stop beating up this woman who commented. All she did was comment, I don’t want her or any of my other readers to feel like I don’t appreciate your thoughts and then I’ll turn around and attack you. Instead, I’ll just talk in general about the millions of others out there that are just like her.

Is this the reality that we now live in, where sex means so little? That giving up the goods is a mouse click away? I don’t want to believe that, but every time I turn on Maury Povich, Jerry Springer or whoever else cornered the market on the daytime television’s paternity test bonanza that people—both young and old—are doing too much. I for one would never sleep with a woman that just threw it away so easily. If you don’t even want it then why the hell should I? Just because you think sex makes your world go round doesn’t mean mine operates the same way.

Earlier this week I spoke on kids as young as 12-years old “sexting” each other nude pictures. Who’s to say it stops with the flicks? Chances are these kids are doing the nasty and whole lot more we don’t know about—drugs, gangs, take your pick. I just don’t get the mentality and where it’s coming from. We can blame the media, the music, the television, the parents or the price of tea in Beijing, but it won’t stop the problem.

I’m sorry, but I’m disturbed by the fact that a young woman feels it’s cool to hop on the Internet and offer up some of “that good sex” to any and everyone in eyeshot so she can “have sex with more than 5 times per day and that’s definatly (sic) millions of times per week how is that lol?” How’s that? “That” is bullshit. Get a job. Go to school. Read a book. Build something. Have a real fuckin’ conversation. Play with your coochie if you’re that hot and bothered. But don’t think that what’s between your legs is more important than what’s between your ears.

I don’t care if you’re male or female, young or old, Black, White, purple or blue, you should be able to offer some one more than just “good sex.” Any animal can fuck, but you are an individual with our own thoughts, goals, dreams and aspirations that are way more important and hold much more weight with real men/women. If all you have to offer is a piece of moist flesh then that’ll be the extent of your value. It all comes down to respect, if you don’t respect yourself; chances are no one else will. I have no idea if the woman that inspired this rant ever got the message, but I hope you did.

What’s your take on the young lady’s online solicitation? Did I overreact? Could you respect a man/woman that did something like that? Do you feel as if kids today are oversexed? Do people put too much value in their sexuality? What are your thoughts on teen promiscuity? Are the adults any better?

Speak your piece…

 

SAFE SEX BONUS
Have you been tested for an STD lately?

Go to www.STDTestExpress.com (Props to Tina)

cryface

  • Octavia

    NWSO your absolutely right to be appalled by the young lady’s coment but odds are she hasn’t met many men like you who have come at her like that. Instead ikm sure its been the opposite. Men telling her she gives good head or has good stuff so that’s where she found her value. Is it wrong yes, is it real yes.I think you were right to question and not attack her persay because coming from a woman she might take as “oh she’s just hating” but hearing it from a man is a little slap in the face of reality.

  • http://onlyoneblackdaria.blogspot.com black daria

    i think your gut is right…don’t think this was a hack. and even if it were a “prank”, self-worth is a major issue for women today, and there’s a sense by some women that the only way is through the coochie…and I just don’t know when that mentality evolved into such a revolution.

    a number of things run through my head when i read that, and i wonder if she’s black, white…she’s a girl lost. when i think about the songs that played on the radio in the 80s versus now, i can see why she’s advertising her goods…it’s just time for change, and not just on some Obama stuff…on some ME stuff. the more people become honest with themselves, they may seek what they need, and get the pleasure they really seek.

  • da ThRONe

    @NWSO

    Read her comment was a lil put off by it. Then I read your comment and thought you overracted a lil.

    I have know plenty females who would give up the goods at the drop of a hat. I have heard of sex clubs where such things take place. And Im like this to each there own.

    Because being in a sexual recession myself the thought of sexing every sexy female I see goes thur my mind all day. And if one of those females offer me her treasures at that very moment im not sure what i’ll do.

    Its hard for me to judge people especially ones I dont know. But the idea of people hooking up without ever knowing each other happens alot.

  • mzsmith

    I GIVE U MAD RESPECT FOR SAYING WHAT U SAID A LOT OF FEMALES THESE DAYS HAVE FORGOT THEIR WORTH. NOT ALL BUT JUST SOME. IM NOT SURE IF FEMALES THINK ITS CUTE OR FUNNY. BUT THEN U HAVE TO REMEMBER EVERYBDY DOES NOT HAVE THE SAME MORALS, AND IM NOT THE ONE TO JUDGE

  • Potato w/ Jive

    I dont know. Im on the side of this one comment being taken too seriously. I mean, for all we know this person was straight up joking. I mean the very wording suggests hyperbole. “million times a day?”

    While i agree with the general sentiment of what Naked was saying, I think we are all overreacting a bit.

  • Rasta74

    Referring to this blogger as a “young lady” is probably the nicest thing she’s ever been called. You didn’t overreact.I think your comments were too kind and your somewhat sympathetic approach may be perceived by her that you are feeding into her unsavory behavior because she just wants attentention. She needs to get a life. The best response to her message would have been NONE.

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    I agree that some may be judging the young lady too harshly. I’m saddened by her requests. But you know what they say about not judging a man until you walk in his shoes? The world is made up of many different people. And there are young women being raised to believe that their sexuality is more important than the Bible, and that sex is all they have to offer a man. I personally know mothers who have raised their daughters with this belief: You’re pretty and men will want you because you’re pretty. So you might as well use it to get whatever you want from said men. For them real love has nothing to do with it. Education and self-respect are unimportant. Having a conversation and getting to know a man? Only if they lead to sex and her getting “gifts” in return.

    Having spent the first 8.75 years of my life in the Caribbean, I saw and heard a lot. I became aware of sex around me at a very young age, 3. I remember that as a little girl I wanted to be married so badly, because I knew that when I got married I would get a chance to “bugger” like the grown folks around me. But I grew out of that when I discovered books and ballet. My parents–especially my mother–instilled in us the importance of education and using our minds. Not everyone is that lucky.

  • ropa

    There are different kinds of people out there, the only way to tell is by judging… Yes she cud be a slag but thats her…im not like that and dont give two fucks wat she does wiv her life or who goes afta her. You cant advice someone on wats right or wrong because its different for everyone. Dont get me wrong, im not on her side and i personally think thats just degrading most women and pathetic. There are some sick people out thur and thankfully im not one of them. If shez a slag then let her sleep wiv any1 get God knows wat infection and give Doctors something to treat and another statistic. Its a cruel world, one man’s foolishness is one man’s gain.
    I think you blew it out of contest…over reacted a lil bit coz its a free world, the only thing that shud matter to you is you and wat you are all about…youv got your own rules and expectations and so has everyone… To prove one man’s fall is another man’s gain, she gave you something to write about…and honestly i dont think shez bothered!

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    @ NWSO:

    What if it was a male who had posted that request? Would you have looked at it differently? Like, “This is some youngblood prankster trying to use my blog to get his mack on?”

  • LL

    You’d be surprised how many men and women come online to solicit sex from others, many are clever at how they go about it, but they do it anyway, and often under the guise of looking for a relationship.

  • Optical_Illusion

    When I read the post I just thought it was a kid playing around. I’m glad you responded because something had to be said to let the blogger know that the comment was off color and inappropriate.

    If the blogger was real (or serious), my heart goes out. Sometimes we act out sexually when we’ve been abused. We stop valuing ourselves and begin to feel like this is all you have to offer a relationship. This is deep to me, but I feel past this point in my life enough to share it, but there was a time in my youth when I thought that’s what I was for. I thought a man wouldn’t want me if my legs didn’t open and my mouth didn’t stay shut. I’m getting off into something else, but sexual, mental and physical abuse happens and people never want to talk about WHY a person is acting out. People just want to talk about HOW a person is acting out. That’s why I’m glad you said something.

    However, I know people don’t like to discuss religion, but the Bible talks about these things. The world is going to get ten times worse, before it gets better. Satan is running this earth and he wants to find every way possible to get people to disobey God before his time is up. His two biggest money makers, so to speak, are SEX and MONEY.

  • Simone

    When I read the post, i screwed my face up. My thoughts is that she is putting it out there. I don’t think it’s a joke, since she put her email address out there for a response to her post. Maybe she wanted some attention (shrugs shoulders). Some people just don’t care about their bodies or how they come off to other people. Some people just wanna get a quick fukk, and she thought that your blog was probably the best place to get it – who know’s what is on her agenda but it’s all on her. Even if you speak to her about it and advise her, i would suspect that her mind is already made and set. So, if some men wanna fall into that trap, then… hopefully she didn’t have a gift waiting for them.

    You already know that she is not the type of person that you would hook up with, so just leave her alone. As she is an adult she is responsible for her own decisions and her own outcomes. This may sound harsh coming from me but i have had people around me who had that same mind set and no matter the advise that i gave them – they still did whatever they were doing – i just took a step back and stopped trying to help people that didn’t want to hear it.

    Just my opinion.

  • http://markrileymedia.com mark riley

    Why oh why the double standard??? If a young man was talking about have sex five times a day he’d be seen as a stud by his peers. Assuming this girl is for real, she’s the poster child for young black women? NAH!!! There are too many young ladies who conduct themselves with dignity and class every day of their lives. What, do they have to post to be recognized?

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    Also, abuse can be very trying on a person’s psyche. I know people who have been so physically and emotionally scarred that they begin to have no self worth. Now they think that the only thing they’re good enough for is having sex and being sexual. One of my former coworkers had a foster child who was sexually abused. After my coworker brought her home, she would approach any man that came in close proximity of her and stare at his crotch until he walked away. Do you know how sad that is? She was just a little girl. I sincerely hope she has gotten the help she so desperately needs. Because I hate to think what kind of woman she will grow up to be if she is not given help.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Distinguished & Mark

    In regards to my reaction had this commenter been a male: Actually, I would have been disturbed just the sam. Admittedly maybe not to the same extreme, but the belief that sex is all you have to offer would have rubbed me teh wrong way regardless.

    I recall one time I came across a MySpace page where a dude had some chest-baring shot or something like that. His page was private and his message on his page was “Hit me up to get dick pics (girls only) I gotta a big dick..” Or something like that. I was like, wow, really?

    1) Who gives a shit? 2) Is that your greatest contribution to the world, your dick? 3) Do any respectful chicks respond to that? 3) Why the hell do you want your member floating around the Net like that to random chicks, what are they supposed to do with it? I just don’t get the whole dick pic thing that some dudes due.

    At any rate, I was equally disturbed that this brother was limiting himself to be nothing more than a moist piece of flesh.

    SMH

  • *M*

    I couldnt respect anyone that is willing to give up anything that easily……..if you give it up to me that fast how many other people did you give up to that easily. Especially where I live at AIDs is on the rise and its and epidemic so why would you just put yourself out there like that. My life is much more worth than losing over sex. Sex is definetly overrated. I also dont think you over reacted I could just see that a person like this would just get under your skin. I mean it would get under mine as well

  • http://www.mstrecie.com MsTrecie

    I get tested for STD’s every 6 months….not because I sleep with new guys all the time but because I like to know my status and because things lie dorment for a while. I can’t ‘down’ the girl over her comment, because that is how some people view sex….as a ‘come all, leave happy’ type situation. I admit, I love sex as much as the next person and would prefer to have it multiple times a day; however, if I don’t care about who I am with and what they are doing….why should they treat me any better than p*ssy on the side.

    Previously, you had a post about how hooking up is becoming a thing of the norm, and that is all well and good, but when do we get fed up with the rates of HIV/AIDS going up instead of going down. This type of ignorant disregard for the worth of life and love is more of a pandemic than the actual diseases themselves. Women are not holding themselves to the worth that their grandmothers or mothers (in some cases) had/have over their body, and a majority of men don’t set their standards high enough to see past that.

    It saddens me to think that this is the generation my child is in, where a girl will blatantly disrespect herself by advertising her sexual desires…I can only hope that she is reading these comments and rethinking her stance on life and sex. The biggest misconception is that you can tell when someone has an STD…you can’t! Just because there are not visible symptoms of an outbreak doesn’t mean that he/she doesn’t have herpes or genital warts!

    The first step to overcoming this sad state that we are in , is to become educated and to educate those around us!

    -Ms.Trecie

  • j

    I wonder how offering yourself on the internet to strangers is any different from offering yourself at a club to strangers? yes, the club is more subtle– but society seems to think “one-night” stands are okay. folks laugh and joke about them, and they are not considered slutty for doing so. how is this girl any different from the girl standing at the bar, giving some dude the “come hither-take me home tonightr” eye?

    If you ask me…it’s no different. Of course, I’ve never had a one-night stand and don’t agree w/ them either, so my perspective may be skewed. It just seems like the same basic idea to me.

  • Naphtalia

    I’m sad to hear that a woman is this broken. I do understand that there are people out there who feel as she does, but it doesn’t make it right, acceptable, or appropriate. We should discourage it.

    I don’t think you overreacted. Even if this was a prank, the condition and state of YOUR heart and mind is what is what stood out to me. The fact that you reacted at all says a lot about your character. Some people read (or see) things like this and scoff, chalk it up to “well that’s the way it is nowdays” and keep moving. You took a proactive stand and at least SAID something. Kudos.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @J

    I think the general difference would be at least it’s one specific person(s) you’ve actually seen and made the decision to select. The other is a basic advertisement like hey come one, come all. I see what you’re saying, but at least there’s a “hey, he’s cute” factor in the bar scenario. In the posting one, it’s the i’ll take whatever scenario.

  • http://www.mamasgotmoxie.com mama’s got moxie

    i don’t think that you overreacted at all. in fact, she needed someone to check her on her behavior and has probably never had anyone to do so before. and i could care less if it was a man or a woman. to stoop to whoring yourself out online is just sick and it shows that there’s something obviously missing in that person’s life. as sad as it is, it’s not that difficult to believe. i remember comedienne mo’nique mentioning a website on her show called onlinebootycall.com that was built for the sole purpose of people hooking up for one night stands. they’ve even drawn up their very own “booty call commandments” which states there should be no cuddling, no pillow talk, no kissing in the mouth… and what’s worse is the site claims to have “millions of members.” i mean, really, is this what our society has come to? no self-love, no self-worth and no self-respect.

  • http://mrspringer.wordpress.com Anthony

    So many ways to approach this one. But to be honest, not all women are looking for a relationship. I think we run the risk of stereotyping women as damaged if they just want a fling with no strings attached–but we don’t do the same for men.

    To put it simply, SOME women are lost and some know exactly what they want and how to get it.

  • randomgirl

    This “young black lady” could very well be an old white man.
    Its ok to be appalled but come on, this was probably just a silly joke/call for attention.
    Worst case scenario this person was putting it out there. Ok and? Have you been to craigslist , myspace, blackplanet? This happens all the time. People holla at me even on twitter so it is not that shocking. I am not condoning it, but I feel like you shouldn’t pay this random person any mind.
    Peace.

  • http://www.cdtbk.com/site Dominque

    Sex has become a past time, a reflection of boredom, a symbol of insecurity and a way to make people feel worthy. I pardon myself from this conversation when I say, “It’s reality, though.”

    I think we somehow need to reinvest in the quality of mankind and human nature. We need to start LOVING again and really MANIFEST what it means to love. Too many people don’t know what love is, how it feels nor how it should look, taste or how to handle it. Women need men to be examples men need the same thing.

    We have to TEACH each other. Start at home and with your friends.

    Peace.

  • All eYeZ

    This post is so on point, you did not over react at all. There is a problem!!!!!! Girls are going to want attention from boys, we want to be wanted… that hasn’t changed since the beginning of time… what has changed is what girls will do to get that attention. As time progresses it seems like you have to do more and more to get the attention
    @ mark… I agree, there are lots of nice girls reading this blog but have they gotten a shout out? I haven’t been reading the blog that long but just as an example there was a post about pretty girls being wack in the sack, now here we have an entire post about this girl advertising her goods for the world… where is the article about the nice hardworking women… (@NWSO…don’t take offense I am enjoying, also there may be post about this that are dated before my tuning in, I’m just saying) so here we go, giving this young woman the attention she craves.
    @octavia I too am glad NWSO has taken on the challenge of addressing this issue because when women try to advise or comment on other women’s behavior we are seen as haters. I can’t think of how many times I’ve seen a young lady on facebook saying something crazy, or posting crazy pictures…. I don’t say anything because without a doubt it will be taken as hating… so I just smh and if it gets 2 crazy on the news feed I delete them off my friend list to avoid having to cringe at every new album/status update….
    anyway… I think its high time ladies reclaimed some CLASS it might make men shape up in their approach… Even if she is grown and wants to get it how she gets it, she still has a problem! She is selling herself FAR below retail price, I mean clearly she has no self worth.
    There’s nothing wrong with sex, but there is a problem when we devalue and reduce ourselves to a few typed words on an internet blog to get it…
    anyway I could probably go on for pages on this topic…but I will spare those reading on their cell phones lol… GREAT TOPIC NWSO….

  • BK

    Boo, the very essence of this topic is that its a double standard. People solicit sex in MANY many ways. I find it amusing that it struck such a nerve with you, Naked. And im surprised everyone commenting is so quick to judge.

  • Elle

    I’ve read worse. Some men and women these days feel the need to advertise their sexuality online because it is so easy. While they may not approach random strangers on the street in such a manner, having an online profile on of “these” sites allows them to drop the little final barriers they still may have. Same applies to chats and what not. Typing out of the world ish is just so much easier than saying to another person’s face.

    Do I find it appalling? Yep. Do I carry myself in such manner? Nope.
    Yet and still I am not surprised. This is the year 2009. There are websites for one night stands, for cheaters, for housewives who want to make a little money on the side by prostituding themselves, so called “flirt sites” where it’s really about hooking up rather than flirting and so on.
    Who am I to judge?

  • Lynsey

    Ok. I feel you on your response to this woman. Today, women do not have respect for themselves and it’s disgusting. Not all woman are like this but the higher majority are. I was raised with old school values and morals and I never put myself out there like that. The most important thing to me is class, and without class and pose you won’t make it in this world. I literally know 3 woman that have Herpes and they still will go out and sleep with men without protection, and knowingly give Herpes to them. They have the perception: ” Well if a man burns me, I’m going to burn every man I come in contact with.” It’s sick and disturbing to me, but most of all it’s terrifying. Do men that have STD’s do the same to women…most likely. So, personally I have been celibate for a long time and will continue to do so until I am in a very serious relationship. I’m too scared to go out there and have sex today. Today, pregnancy is the least of your worries. I’m more fearful of getting a STD or AID’s, I don’t want to die. I just read a study that said 1 out 4 people have Herpes and that’s a risk I’m not going to take for 10 minutes of pleasure. Most women do not have morals these days and it’s scarey because if they don’t have morals, than if they have children they will not have morals and the viscious cycle continues. So…it will never end, therefore we have to take responsibility for ourselves and be extremely careful. Most importantly though, we have to try to help these women/men and educate them and try to restore these values and morals or we will parish as a whole.

  • da ThRONe

    People its not that big of a deal at all. If she like to get her groove on who are we to judge? If that how she get her kicks “So What”?

    Maybe she was serious maybe it was a joke? Doesnt change my opinion of her one bit. We can really look nice on our high horses sometimes. I know I have done some questionable things in my 28 years enough not to go around judging people. I applaude Ans for trying to educate her on the fly like that ,but have we ever thought maybe she doesnt need education she need some wood?

    We all do things everyday that put our lives in jeopardy why is sex the worst way? How is sexing stranger any different than driving and texting at the same time?

    Everybody has this mindset if you have sex somehow you dont like yourself. There are no garentee you ride this thing to the wheels come off and if thats what for her so be it.

    Besides she might be as safe as possible everytime she gets down.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ Da THrone

    Inviting a stranger into your body isn’t safe. Could be a killer, rapist, thief, or even a Republican. LOL

    You’re right, I, nor anybody else, has a right to judge this person or anyone else. But still doesn’t help the fact that there is a problem out there and people devaluing sex and themselves. Regardless of what that young lady does with HER life, I thank her for sparking this conversation. Hopefully, she doesn’t become a statistic.

    And if a woman wants wood, she can get any time she wants from someone in her circle. That’s be a million times safer (well, maybe not based on STD rates) than going to a stranger off the Internet.

    And don’t think people are saying sex means you don’t like yourself, it’s about what I perceived—right or wrong—to be someone seeing sex as their greatest gift.

  • AllInTheGame

    I know this makes me a dork but…

    “Implore” homie, not “deplore.”

    I’m here to help!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @AllIntheGame

    Thanx, see above. lol

  • litabia

    I read the comment and this is my personal opinion but yes I do think that you (NWSO) overreacted a bit. I read it as a female that is sex deprived and when I go without sex for a great amount of time I say and do things that are out there. That doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it, it just means I’m loopy for the moment. I doubt it even if she got some replies that she met up with a person and got it on 5 times a day.

    I don’t think you would’ve made as big of a deal or even a post about it had it been a male doing the same thing. You probably would’ve read it and shook your head in disbelief. If you think what she did was shocking than you don’t browse the want ads on craigslist (yea I know I need a life) now that’s some alarming shit right there.

  • k-Love

    I actually had to send a link to this post to some of my girlfriends who still rely on the mighty twat to get ahead or get anywhere for that matter. Then they wonder why I can always find a good man, and they get the backwash. What you put out is what you get. I don’t think you made a big deal, i think you brought awareness. I am now aware that some women still don’t have a clue and wonder why things are they way they are. To many times the ladies are throwning it away to GOD knows who all for validation that they got that good. Who cares what else is there to you? The anticipation of the twat will always get you further than just giving it up every will. Leave a little mystery to yourself, let the men use their imagination, make them work for it. It’s said really. There is some one for everyone, random coochie/penis drawings are not a good idea.

  • k-Love

    excuse the grammatical errors, at work and had to get that out here really quick..but you all should get what I am saying.

  • k-Love

    And those complaining about double standards, to me this goes for men and women. Everyone needs to take a look a the man in the mirror. soliciting sex is just wrong. its bad enough as it is. But we are used to it. However when some one just comes out in a blog response offering the goods, she needs a life or hobby or something, there are either esteem issues or just issues in general. Who knows what kind of people read this stuff ( no offense NWSO). We as a nation need to stop sugar coating shytt, in the end it is still shytt, just a little sweeter.

  • http://mrspringer.wordpress.com Anthony

    ^^^
    It all depends on what you want out of life. I don’t think its wise (at least in MOST circles) to offer up sex first and expect a commitment–but there are some relationships built around mutual desires. If the end game is just sex, be satisfied after you get some.

    If the end game is a relationship, the methods need to be tweaked.

    But I agree. People do need to look at the man/woman in the mirror and figure out what they REALLY want.

    And I disagree that soliciting sex is wrong.

  • The Intellect

    @distinguishedgentlewoman

    I agree with you. I think that no man or woman for that matter should be given a free pass anymore. Self-respect is something that is a serious issue with both men and women. But when it comes to a woman it’s a real problem, but when a man brags about having sex everday or the size of his penis this is deemed as the norm.

    @ NWSO
    I don’t think you overracted, but the double standard has to stop if we are all going to learn how to love and respect ourselves and each other. I am in college and the number of people just throwing it away is appalling. However, the ratio between men and women “throwing it out ” is about the same in my opinion. But when it comes to the ladies they are labeled as hoes/sluts/or not having self-respect while the men are labeled as desirable/playas/and confident. I just don’t get it and that’s why I stay in the library now. Maybe you all could help this confused sista out?

  • da ThRONe

    @k-love

    I dont work for sex sex comes easy. I work for companionship and love!

    I dont know why some females see there sex as an end to a means weither your giving it out or not. Pussy should not be a trap it should be something that brings pleasure and offsprings.

    Ladies the idea that some how what you have has more vaule then what a man has is a double standard in itself. I wish fellas would tighting up and have some will power so some women can understand its not all about them.

  • http://thisismethen-kt.blogspot.com/ kimkim

    No I don’t think you overreacted at all. I am not a prude but good grief, just put your email out there to give out your “good sex”? Really? That’s all you have to offer people? Sorry but that’s pathetic. But, it’s a sign of the times we live in. Nowadays, people have no problem sending pictures (naked and half dressed) to people they barely know. I lost interest in a guy because he would not stop asking me questions about sex and then had the audacity to send me a picture of him with no clothes on because he was “feeling sexy”. We hadn’t even kissed or gone out on a real date yet you want to send me a picture of your peen? WTF is wrong with you?! Sad thing is, he was a pretty good guy (smart, artistic, and when he did talk about other things, his conversation was great) but he ruined it. If you want to send stuff like that to your mate thats fine but to just put it all out there like that makes me think you have very low self-esteem and don’t know your self worth. Both men and women need to stop being so accepting of it-that’s why the STD & pregancy rate is so high. You don’t even know a person’s real name (only their screen name on myspace) but you’re ready to meet up and screw? Know better and do better people….

  • k-Love

    Im not saying to physically work for sex. And its great that you work for companionship and love. I meant “work” by complimenting me on my thoughts, praising me for a job well done. Making me feel like a lady, you know spark my interest past the physical pleasure. My point being there is far more going on than just sex. Women nor men should have to use sex as a gateway to anything or to get anything. Self-love people, i felt that it was obvious that there were some issues deeper than what we could see.

  • litabia

    @ da throne

    For once I would have to admit that you are absolutely right. It should be about the companionship and not a head game. Because rather or not you are giving it up it becomes a game.

  • k-Love

    The person with ethics knows it’s wrong to solicit sex in any form, the person with morals would NEVER solicit sex. You have to have some values, but society has mad being easy look cool, so most women even the older ones are giving it up all willy nilly just for attention, that they may not otherwise get. Some don’t understand that everytime they give themselves away, that man takes a little peice of who you are or where with them. And she’s back on the prowl. Change starts within.

  • da ThRONe

    Who the hell are WE to question that person morals!!!

    If Ans is concern about her health thats one thing but were do we get off passing judgement on people?

    What you do with your vagina is your business! And Im sure alot more of you has been on vacation and slept with a complete stranger before! So dont go judging this woman! We know nothing about her. Like its been said we dont even know if it was real or not.

  • http://mrspringer.wordpress.com Anthony

    @ K Love,

    What’s your source of ethics and morality?

    I agree with da ThRONe, that message looked a lot like spam to me.

  • da ThRONe

    @k-Love

    “The anticipation of the twat will always get you further than just giving it up every will. Leave a little mystery to yourself, let the men use their imagination, make them work for it.”

    You are advising females to hold out to get what they want. A real man will give you want you need reguardless of what hes getting sexually. Only dogs need to be trained real men already behave the way they are suppose to!

  • LL

    Double standards.

    Plain and simple.

    Not that I am advocating soliciting sex, but everyone does it, again under the guise of wanting a relationship.

  • k-Love

    @ Da Throne:

    I agree with you whole-heartedly. REAL MEN know how to behave. I am speaking from experience and the women that I know. Admitting it or not, 9 times out of ten you know what you want from a person the second you meet them. This particular person gave a blind advertisement soley for sex. Maybe that is just me, but that says a lot in itself about the type of person she may be. I for one would not do that. I’m all for saving yourself for love and protecting yourself. The world is too crazy. Technology is so advanced that she need not advertise, she can get a man in a box if she wants to have sex five times a day.

    “I don’t care if you’re male or female, young or old, Black, White, purple or blue, you should be able to offer some one more than just “good sex.” Animals can phuck, but you are an individual with your own thoughts, goals, dreams, and aspirations, that are way more important and and hold much more weight with real men/women. If all you have to offer is a peice of moist flesh than that will be the extent of your value. It all comes down to respect, if you don’t respect yourself; chances are no one else will. Get a job, go to school, read a book, Build SOMETHING. Have a real conversation. but dont think that what’s between your legs is more important than what’s between your ears.”

    Could NWSO’s point not have been any clearer.

  • k-Love

    No one needs sex to validate who they are. Nor should it be blindy advertised for attention.

  • k-Love

    @ Anthony:

    The difference between ethics and morals can seem somewhat arbitrary to many, but there is a basic, albeit subtle, difference. Morals define personal character, while ethics stress a social system in which those morals are applied. In other words, ethics point to standards or codes of behavior expected by the group to which the individual belongs. This could be national ethics, social ethics, company ethics, professional ethics, or even family ethics. So while a person’s moral code is usually unchanging, the ethics he or she practices can be other-dependent.

  • queenwatkins

    I see this on a daily basis in my email, women, men and all points in between. I am a straight black woman. I do not question my sexuality, I am educated, and confident. I am constantly solicited by people that I do not know. I have removed my pictures off of myspace, and twitter because I am receiving unwanted advances. As a community, I think it is time to take charge of this epidemic because it is now affecting out children. Sexting, what in the hell is that. Parents did not buy children camera phones to produce porn. God help us all. If an adult can receive unsolicited advances, what promise do our children have? Are they promised to be molested by strangers, are they promised to be solicited by people familiar and unfamiliar. What promises are our children looking forward to? When they should be looking forward to college, sororities and marriage. Our children are looking forward to being the next jenna jamison or Mr. Marcus. Our children are looking to become the next mtv personality and college hill participant. What have we done as a community to protect our children. At this point, NOTHING!

  • da ThRONe

    @k-Love and NWSO

    “I don’t care if you’re male or female, young or old, Black, White, purple or blue, you should be able to offer some one more than just “good sex.” Animals can phuck, but you are an individual with your own thoughts, goals, dreams, and aspirations, that are way more important and and hold much more weight with real men/women. If all you have to offer is a peice of moist flesh than that will be the extent of your value. It all comes down to respect, if you don’t respect yourself; chances are no one else will. Get a job, go to school, read a book, Build SOMETHING. Have a real conversation. but dont think that what’s between your legs is more important than what’s between your ears.”

    This is an opinion one that k-Love and I both agree with but its our opinion nonetheless. We cant expect everybody to share our views because people dont. And you cant tell if a guy would have posted that very same comment we would be having this very same discussion!

    I havent had sex in over 6months because I dont chase skirts never have and I not interested in going places where skirts chase me. But when I was younger and skirts did chase I have done somethings that would be in the catagory as this so who am I to judge!

  • k-Love

    No offense NWSO, but some of your readers should read more than just your blog.

  • k-Love

    But we should hold people to higher standards. If you do not stand for something you will definitely fall for anything. This message needs to be passed on to all men and women. Some will agree and some won’t but that ones that don’t agree, will think about it.

  • Mimi in the OC

    The way I see it is that:
    Her post is somewhat inappropriate because it’s not the purpose of the blog (NWSO is not meant to create opportunities for intimate encounters). I am not shocked because if she’s posting it here, she’s posted it somewhere before and will post it somewhere else afterwards. Just go to cr****list, there are many similar posts to that, way worse actually. She’s just on the wrong page.
    On the other hand, we don’t know her, she could be a “victim” of media, wrong cultural messages, childhood abuse, etc. or not.
    Only God knows.

  • da ThRONe

    @queenwatkins

    Why is everybody commenting like there shit dont stink?

    If I was 14 or 15 with a camera phone I would’ve been sexting any girl who would let me. You can front if you want but theres no future in it. LOL

    Once again who are we to past judgement on Jenna Jamison or Mr. Marcus? I remember kids being sexually active 15 years ago in my earlier teen years. Matter of fact is was 15 when I 1st had sex a was tease by my older friends for taking so long(I could’ve waited). But the points is we’re slinging mud like were so prefect!

    People have always been having sex earlier than what society would like. I think the difference now is the level of responsibity. But sex when done in a responible manner isnt ruining peoples lives and if it is its there life to ruin!

  • k-Love

    It should not be okay to let someone ruin their lives. No one is saying that their shytt does not stink, but why has it been labeled OK becuase you did things in your past. It was not ok then and its not ok now. That is the point. We need to stop accepting the norm. It’s not cool now nor has it ever been. We have all made bad choices, those choices made us who we are today. Now if you chose to not learn from mistakes that’s on you. We as a nation need to take responsibilty for our actions. Set the bar a little higher for yourself.

  • k-Love

    If ignorance is bliss, than some people are basking in it.

  • DiffNames

    Socks,
    Jerry Springer aint on TV anymore son. Someone is obviously not up on his daytime TV, lol.

    Nah but for real I’m glad you brought this to light cause chicks mentals be F’ed up. And I don’t mean “wild and crazy” I mean “MILD and crazy,” like not SO extremely messed up in the mental where your in the corner talking to yourself but enough for a nigga to think “damn shorty did you have a male role model in your life” Females nowadays have messed up point of view or let’s call it perspective, their morals, their priorities are all messed up. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t mean all of yall, but I do mean all of yall. Its been embedded in yall whether through yall moms or through your friends or though TV, the crazy things is that some of yall think acting like that is cool or even worst empowering. A perfect example is T.I.’s baby’s moms taking him to court for money for kids that aint even his, like you know how fucked up in the head you have to be to even think that up in your mind.

    Pusha T said it best on “Stay With Me (Dim The Lights)” off of Pharrell’s album “In My Mind”:
    “When consider love you take the good with the bad/ I been disappointed by every bitch I ever had/ Either she was dick crazy or cheddar mad/ Ashamed what they did for them chains and the leather bags”
    DAMN!
    Every situation aint that bad but you get the point.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ DiffNames,

    Uh huh, Jerry Springer is still on in my city, followed by his old bodyguard Steve’s show. Not that I watch either..

    As for everything else you said, word.

    But people are still chanting Jerry, Jerry, Jerry and raising their shirts (male & female) to get Jerry beads on some Mardi Gras mess

  • Nicki

    This was a great topic today. I have to say though for people who are judging this women, think about the mistakes that you have made! Jumping on this woman isnt going to help. We should all have been approaching her as if we were mentors, not her judges. No one knows that they have made a mistake or need to learn a lesson until they are told appropriately. A person will not put a put a foot forward to change if they will they are being ganged up on. Let this be a lesson to us all.

    P.S. Please people look up the meaning of advise or advice, before using the word.

  • da ThRONe

    @k-Love

    Thats my point who made you the authority on whats right and whats wrong when it comes to sex?!

    Yes if somebody is self-destructing and dont want help I am prefectly okay with them ruining there on life. It’s not my choose and in this case we have the right to do to whatever we want good or bad!

    I was young I dont think they were mistakes it was a young man with growing pains learning about his sexuality. Nowhere in there did I make a mistakes.

    You only live once so people should have fun. Life is one big risk after another. Clearly the older you get the better decision maker most people become. Would I make the same choices now im older no ,but do I regret anything HELL NO!

  • Jenn Perez

    Thank You for Posting…These are the same bitches – (sorry, I think you were too kind by calling her a young lady) that are infesting our world. I have seen way to many of them- too damn many to count.
    YES there is a double standard but guess what? I would rather be the woman that wasn’t fucked by the entire block. Im not saying that I would date the guy whose been a slut but then again girls dont say “ooh, hez a hoe -lets not talk to him” – guys say that. And as a female, if you know one of your ‘girlfriends’ sleeps around, you dont wana hang out with her or even bring her around your man. Be Real- its the way it is.
    Women nowadays are way toooo loose. Men have and always have thought with their dicks (sorry..the majority of you do) and it is up to the Women to groom them and mold them into what she wants them to be. But not now, pussy is being thrown at men- I have a ‘little’ brother who just got married at 25 and before that we would go to the clubs (im 3yrs older) and women who didnt know me would straight up grill me or mean mug me and STILL go up to him in the bar trying to fuck. I was out with my Husband- in an all couples group to the club – WITH our wedding rings when these Bitches (sorry but that is what they were) who were in a bachelorette party come up to my husband and ask him if he wouldnt mind having a Little fun with a couple of them. that is until I walked up and almost wu-tanged one of them. And my husband has a ring and my name tatooed on his ring finger. COME ON.
    The Vagina is valuable, priceless but these ‘women’ are putting it out on their lawn for a garage sale…to the lowest bidder. Then they are the first one’s in the child support office, bringing these unwanted kids into the world with a father who they dont even know or who dont wnt to be part of a one night stand…a mom more into men than her own kids..siblings who didnt know that they had a bro/sis. I think GOD gave us the GIFT of creation (WOMEN) for a reason- – for us to be the most responsible of the two sexes- – placing us in charge of creating another person. Doing the most beautiful act and creating someone out of love. But instead, we give it up to the first man who looks at you- – birth kids when you’re not physically,mentally, emotionally or spiritually ready and THEN wonder WHY your world is so rough. COME ON..

  • da ThRONe

    @Jenn Perez

    “Men have and always have thought with their dicks (sorry..the majority of you do) and it is up to the Women to groom them and mold them into what she wants them to be.”

    This just completely discredits you in my book!

    It is a mans responiblity to care about his well being and the lives that he effect and/or create just as much as a women. You dont get a pass for being male.

    As far as the men thinking with there dick thing and its some how a woman’s job to fix us bullshit. I cant believe people are still buying into that sterotype. We all know women want it as much as men who are you fooling?

  • Rasta74

    @NWSO Jerry springer is still on?!?!?!? You said you don’t watch but if you’ve caught bits and pieces of the show, has “Kenny The Torso” been on there recently? He’s the guy with no legs who walks around on his hands stealing everyone’s girlfriend. I love that guy in a non-kinky way. Who said pimpin was hard labor? It sure wasn’t Kenny The Torso.

  • Nicki

    @ Jenn

    You seem to be the prime example of what I was talking about. You seem to think that its okay that we call each other bitches and hoes. Get off your high horse, make sure you are teaching the little sisters out here correctly and learn something about how we as women need to be speaking about one another. By the way, go get the book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, by Steve Harvey. You need to learn that it is not a women’s responsibilty to a teach man how to be man. We as women just need to be selective with who we are with, dating or otherwise, and teach the little sisters and our children what we have learned. That is the true responisbilty of a woman.

  • ZOI

    Sex Sells and evidently with her Sex is free! I personally would like having sex 5 or more times a day but hell I don’t have time, I work too damn hard so that I can secure my future and the future of my offsprings (when I have them ) but best bet I get my sex on most definitely but maybe the difference is that I have been with the same man that I am engaged to for over 4 years and counting! When encountering different men and offering up the goods (spoiled eggs in her case) one must wonder “What happened to finding the one who fills you mentally and physically?” I have always loved sex, can’t live without it and I certainly couldn’t picture myself with someone who didn’t share the same feeling but you have to draw the line somewhere if you don’t want to be the whore forever lonely in a world full of SHIT! Sometimes I feel like I have been blessed because somehow I always ended up with a like minded mate. In Ms. Thangs case, she just seems to relate sex with happiness and she sounds young as well which is very common now days. Point blank “I wish the happy whore or better yet ho luck in her hapless life of SHIT”!

  • da ThRONe

    How can everybody make all these assumptions based of of less than 50 words?

  • Nicki

    @ da Throne:

    Because people have not been knocked off of their horses and made to look in the mirror. People just dont realize that with all of the high and mighty responses that, they could be knocking this girl further into dispair if, the comment is to be taken at face value. lol, people are still not learning.

  • Lisa a.k.a Rasta74

    @ Da Throne 57 words(including the exed out email address) and 1 number

  • da ThRONe

    @Lisa a.k.a. Rasta74

    I counted 51 and the email address dont count everybody knows that!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ Lisa/Rasta74

    No idea who Kenny the Torso is, but i’m sure if I saw him I would have remembered. Jerry makes my brain hurt

  • Rasta74

    @ Da Throne Mr Da Throne! I hearby challenge you to a formal recount!!! You can go first cuz I flunked algebra 2. Twice!

  • da ThRONe

    1st keep the same name lady 74!

    but cool here I go!

  • Rasta74

    @ NWSO I feel you on the Jerry springer making your head hurt tip. His really started going downhill after Kenny the torso and the siamese twins reba and Lori. He wasn’t very far from the bottom to begin with. After about 5 minutes of his show I start getting a panic attack

  • da ThRONe

    got dammit you were right man I hate losing to a girl! LOL now i gotta go stroke my ego! LOL

  • Lisa a.k.a. Rasta74

    @ Da Throne. I put the a.k.a. Lisa part back on just for you! It fell off somehow. I hope you’re better at stroking than you are at counting! Hahahaha. Much love

  • da ThRONe

    @Lisa 47

    :P

    I will have you know im an expert stroker!

  • http://abenadiva.blogspot.com Abena J. Asanti

    The only disturbing thing about this post is… Was it researched. Did anyone get a response? Recently a neighbor of mine broke up with her long term abusive boyfriend. When she let him know in no uncertain terms that she would no long er be a victim he posted her name and number on a local chat line… begging for all kinds of kinky and perverted sex. Men started calling her day and night saying the nastiest things she could imagine. Then the guy came to our gated community (he was a former resident and acted like he was coming to visit former neighbors) knocked on her door pretending to apologize and beat her up. Thankfully we have 24 hr. security. He can never come to the property again… But she still has to go outside. Hopefully, this not another woman being abused… And even if it was a posting from the actual woman she has obviously still a victim of some traumatic abuse.

  • http://abenadiva.blogspot.com Abena J. Asanti

    One more thing… Broken people do broken things. Yes it is deplorable to throw your intimacy around like a pair of well worn sneakers. However, 9x’s out of 10 the women we shake our heads with disgust at were touched as young girls. It’s not t.v. it’s not poor role models, it’s not ill character… It’s that a person has been so hurt and broken that they can’t function in a normal capacity sexually or otherwise. Let’s stop putting each other down and look at the causes of anti-social behavior.

  • Creolesoul

    Hey,

    yeah, there are definitely a lot of very lost young women out here… who come in all different colors and from different backgrounds, classes, etc…

    To be very honest, I feel I was susceptible to going down that path very early on. I wasn’t taught proper boundaries as a child (and struggle very much with sticking up for myself even now at twenty-two). I think, if you’re not taught self-worth, you will not know that you are worthy of being PROTECTED by anyone — even yourself.

    I believe that the only reason why I didn’t go down that path in Freshman year of high school (as so many women who were similar to me who did) was because I was fortunate enough to make girlfriends that year who held high standards for themselves and for each other to act.

    I think that a lack of self-worth and lack of guidance can lead to self-destructive behavior in anyone and that it really and truly is just very sad that so many people throw themselves carelessly into the arms of unsuitable partners and basically… into danger situations… in my opinion.

  • Creolesoul

    ps -sorry for the typos. ha :D

  • http://tinyurl.com/dn5tf5 SingleMama

    I would have been shocked to get a response/comment like that. So many women do not value themselves at all or enough. I am working on it myself. Not so much with people I don’t know but with people I do know. I’m too nice, at times. I think sex can be overrated at times. It’s everywhere though, just like money, drugs and death. We need more sex education from parents.

  • nina

    ” Play with your coochie if you’re that hot and bothered” lol.. you crack me up and i love reading your blogs but you are absolutely right. poor, poor young girl. a friend of mine recently had a herpes scare… thank god she’s clean but all i gotta say is ONE IN FOUR!! wrap it up!! i get tested all the time even when i’m not really sexually active. sometimes it can take 3 months for an infection to develop… better safe than sorry…

    btw.. i love your blogs… i’m ur friend on bp and twitter hahahaha

    peace,
    nina

  • http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marthaquintero Jenn Perez

    @ da Throne and Nikki

    Im not on a high horse.. and I feel how I feel. I have lent a hand or an ear or both to some of these females and you know what-some of them are broken- I absolutely understand that but there are some out there that just want what you have and will stop at anything to get it.

    da Throne:
    as far as the comment I made about men- – that has also been from what Ive seen growing up and now. There are WAY too many children out there from sexual encounters that are NOT Relationships. TOO many paternity tests, too many abandoned kids and Im sorry but you hear a lot more about men sleeping around then women. Men react on hormones..on how a chick looks bla bla. Women, not so much. That is why men pursue us- chase us…propose to us. Atleast that is the way I like to look at things, how I feel that they should be.
    As a women, sex should be something that is special because honestly if all you were looking for was an orgasm and you dont know how to do it yourself- then you need to holla at a sex shop. Women are not equal to men- sorry but we’re not: In MY Opinion, we are stronger, more precious and our body Most definitely is our temple. We can bring children into this world, we can give and receive pleasure and we can hold down the fort. So, for me its not on being on any “High Horse”, it is saying what I feel- and last I checked, I was entitled to that.
    Although there are many unfortunate things that have happened to women and men alike, not all people are broken- and not all people can be fixed, some just don’t want to. All I can do is stay in the path I feel is right and teach my children as well.
    and also Nikki.. from your post, it seems I am not the one on a High horse.. So its ok to teach the women but not the men? UM , no. And I teach by example. I help who wants to be helped and I am not calling all women bitches or hoes, just a well deserved ones. Like the ones who sleep with married or commited men, like the chicks I have seen who chill with their homegirls and sleep with their man behind their back- sorry but that is a well deserved nickname. If you want to give your hand out to all of these females, then my Hat goes off to you. I will see your post when they sleep with your man.
    There is such thing as constructive criticism (@ Da throne and Nikki)- and you can’t give the Dont judge image in your posts when you are judging as well.
    Either way..NWSO – great topic..as usual, you always stir up something !!

  • da ThRONe

    @Jenn Perez

    At what point did I judge you?

    You made a generally false and sexist comment. I just challenged what you said not you!

    You ever thought maybe men and women behavior is link to how there raised and not there sex? Male are taught almost from birth that its ok to behave that way. If you teach the same thing to a female she will behave the same way. Thats why we cant judge her we know nothing about her

    As far as females that go after commited men it is also taught. But it is the commited persons job to respectfully turn down any advances. Those females (as classless as hitting on married people is) dont owe you anything.

  • LolitaBaby

    First off, I wish people would stop the whole “stop judging other people” bonanza.

    Everybody is entitled to judge because everyone is entitled to their own opinion (opinion and judgement are synonymous btw).

    The reality is that our judgements are what we use as a guide to how we live our lives, what we believe is the best way to live life. Expressing your opinion is not the same as making false assumptions, and NWSO clearly says that he is not going to make false assumptions about this woman in particular, but he is talking about his opinion on the epidemic of promiscuity. He is doesn’t judge her, but he is judging her behavior.

    I personally believe that we live in a society that doesn’t support critical thinking. From every direction, we are given messages that tell us to take the easy way out.

    It’s easier to just settle for sex when you’re really longing for intimacy and appreciation.

    It’s easier to just accept what is given instead of demanding what you deserve.

    It’s easier to just indulge in our instinctive animalistic impulses than to have self-control and admit that we know better.

    It’s easier to say you have problems and continue to suffer than it is to do the hard work necessary to find solutions and do better for yourself.

    It’s easier to let our past and our circumstances to be the reason why we’re messed up instead of letting our futures remind us of how much better we can be.

    It’s easy to claim ignorance as the reason why you don’t do better instead of taking advantage of the resources you do have to know better.

    I make a personal decision everyday to NOT take the easy way out. And I’m not even gonna sit here and say I’ve never messed up, on purpose or by accident, but I try to make sure the accidents outweigh the intentional decision to do something I know I shouldn’t do. Everyone has the right to live their lives the way they want, but I personally hold myself to a higher standard and I hold others to a higher standard as well, not because I want them to realize how crappy they are, but because I want them to realize the potential they have to be more amazing than they could have imagined. And this is regardless of sex, because men CAN be sluts, too, and most of the time for the same reasons as female sluts.

  • jocelyn

    if this was written by a woman, im sorry you view yourself as being cheap and worthless. you are an amazing creature by just being a woman. you dont need to put yourself on the market like you are marketing a product. take some time to look at you self worth and read some ayanla vanzant. she is who helped me.

  • da ThRONe

    @LolitaBaby

    There is a difference between expressing your opinions and judging.

    Judging should be reserved for people who have some type of authority in that matter. This person hasnt done anything illegal and is only putting herself and any other willing and able body person at risk.

    We can go on forever about morals ,but the bottom lines is A) We dont know her! B) She is not knowingly deceiving anybody C) She doesnt owe anybody anything.

    Im sure If we look into everybody life we can find something to judge you on. So why would you do that to somebody else? Everybody get so denfenses and/or forgetful when isnt there issues that come up.

  • LolitaBaby

    @da throne

    A judgement is an opinion (you can check the dictionary if you disagree). I am judging her behavior, as are many other commentators and NWSO, as well. It’s not as if we are judging who she is as a person or judging her because of something she didn’t choose, like her sex or her ethnicity. You judged her behaviour also in your own statement: “This person hasnt done anything illegal and is only putting herself and any other willing and able body person at risk.”

    A judgement is an opinion. Someone else’s opinion may be that what she is doing is illegal BECAUSE she is potentially endangering herself and another person at risk. Either way, you both have a right to express that.

    I would be perfectly okay if you judged something I’ve done in my life.

  • Creolesoul

    Also — ahhemmm…

    My feminist side is coming out full fledge outta nowhere…

    but i wanted to add that for as long as there is a great amount of subtle misogyny so laced into the foundation of our culture, women are often going to do self destructive things out of subconscious (or conscious) self-hatred that is the result of being so undermined.

    Many women hold internalized misogyny toward themselves just as many people hold internalized-racism toward themselves because of the demonization of what they are that they see in the media and in the world around them.

  • da ThRONe

    @LolitaBaby

    I have no doubt that if you define opinion that might you judgement in the definition. But a more partical sense there is a difference between the two.

    There a difference between not disagreeing with something another does. Then insulting or treating somebody differently base on this opinion and that is judging! When you let your opinion effect the way you think of another person.

    I dont argee with sleeping around with just anybody ,but I not going to call her names or think anyless of her because she does. Unlike a lot of people here who was letting the chick have it like they are better than her some kind of way!

    Nobody is better than anybody!

  • Ms. Anonymity

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, that’s all i can say. More people shoud read this because this world is becoming a shitty place for our children. I say this all the time, people are beginning to mate like animals, not human beings. Just like you said an animal can fuck but we have minds, thoughts, we use logic and reason etc. There are places in the world where sex isn’t even something that can be enjoyed, in places like Darfur rape is used as a war tactic employed with as much ease as pulling a trigger, girls as young as 5 and women as old as 65 are sexually assaulted by groups of men. In South Africa there is a new trend of corrective rape for lesbians and a woman can be raped if she is seen as being too sexually suggestive ie. short skirt, nice body. Here in the States we’re sexually hypocritical and just as fucked up. Sex is a beautiful beautiful thing that is being destroyed and all I can do is shake my head and wonder where did this all begin? I just wanted to say it’s very refreshing to hear a man with your point of view. Most men probably would’ve hit ol girl up for her services.

  • http://www.fishandspaghetti.com playing devils advocate

    what the hell is everyone talking about?

    am i missing something? this person said:

    “WOW Y’all talking about sex makes me feel so relax I would love to have somebody that I will have sex with more than 5 times per day and that’s definatly (sic) millions of times per week how is that lol?”

    what’s the big deal? sex is being discussed openly and freely and it makes her feel relaxed. and she says “I would love to have somebody that I will have sex with more than 5 times per day…”

    what’s the big deal? who wouldn’t like to find someone that they can do that with?

    then “she” says:
    “If anyone is interested and want that real good sex send me email to xxxxxx@xxxxxx.com see ya.”

    now considering that she already said she’s not having sex, why couldn’t we assume that she was going to have a major screening process for her potential sex buddy?

    maybe she was expecting many emails and planned on sorting through them and picking 1 guy.

    personally i think the message was left as a joke, or buy a weirdo who just wanted to collect pictures of horny dudes, but i’m just saying.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ Devil’sAdvocate

    I’ll answer since I started this whole thing and give my take.

    Yes, the first half is whatever. Regular adult talk, but yes it was the second part that that disturbed me. Saying you got that good stuff is one thing, we all have a right to be (and should be) confident about ourselves. But to actually post your contact info was a bit much to me. It wasn’t even like, if you’re intelligent person, well-mannered, God-fearing, law abiding, disease free, human being feel free to holla at me. Instead it came off like, you if you want some free poom-poom come get it now. Come one, come all, i’m ready for a good time please enter.

    Maybe a little exaggerated but still how I personally took it. maybe that’s because I’m real leery about giving out my personal info. You can liken this to writing someone’s number on a bathroom stall for a good time call Becky. Same thing basically. If you call that number you probably don’t respect Becky at all and just want to fuck. That scenario is usually someone playing a prank on Becky, so if Becky writes her own number then you may assume Becky may have less respect for herself than the actual caller.

    Just my opinion. Like we’ve said, we have no idea what was in the mind of this commenter. But again, my point in this post was to discuss the oversexed nature of the youth in general, which I think we are regardless of the person that sparked the discussion in jest or not.

  • da ThRONe

    @NWSO

    How is posting your e-mail address any different then putting up a profile on facebook ,blackplanet, tagged or myspace?

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Da THrone

    Simple, putting a profile on a social networking site is just that putting up your profile. You’re listing your likes, dislikes, interests, etc (whatever you wish to). For the most part your contact information is limited to that account which is not direct access to you and you can delete, ignore any unwanted messages. Sure you can post in your profile that hey I wanna fuck but that wasn’t the scenario you painted and an extreme case.

    On flipside, posting your personal/direct email info on a public forum (social networking pages can be set to private and friends only) prefaced with a message that says i got good sex hit me up if you want some is a completely different scenario. Devoid of expressing who you are as an individual and what your likes/dislikes are and what “friendship” you desire from others. That’s why I liken it to writing your name and number on a bathroom wall. Now if the email posting was just there with a message saying looking for friends it wouldn’t be as bad and would be similar to a social networking page that doesn’t have any sexual solicitation in greetings.

    But walking into a dating club (or social networking site) and offering sexual pleasure is quite different than walking into a public bathroom (or public blog) and doing the same thing. In one scenario the behavior is expected/accepted the other it’s not.

  • lola

    I have read many of the posts and I have to say that I think that people are over reacting over this person’s comment.

    So this young lady decided to be very open concerning her desire to have sex but does that really make her any different than the person who decides to wait a couple dates and then have sex?

    No she is not! Sex was originally meant to be between a husband and wife but people do not believe or practice that anymore. Really this young lady is a product of a society that has no value for sex.

    I mean can u really be upset with her with a culture that promotes one-night stands and multi-partners with no desire or intention to ever be in a committed relationship. I think that had this been a man who had made that comment I don’t think it would have generated its own post.

    I read where ppl questioned this young lady’s value for herself but I guess she would be equal to the young lady that feels that all her breast needs to hang out of all of her clothing or the woman with multiple baby daddies and the man with multiple babies that he refuses to care for.

    How quickly we are to judge others and rarely judge ourselves.

  • handlelyfe

    The topic pulled me in..but the responses were not all the representative of women today… not all women want “just sex” but I would say most ..say they don’t want a relationship but they are lying…. The single, over 30 independent , no kids and “got her own” looking for a companion, hide behind ” just sex” mentality to get intimacy….My guy friend told me what my “throwaway friends” couldnt tell me..stop giving it away…that made me sober up real quick…women use sex to get love….real talk

  • Neska

    Quite honestly I wasnt too suprised that a female mad a comment like that cause she has yet to relaize her true worth. I feel really blessed to have been raised in a two parent home (from guyana) where my sisters and I learned to think more of ourselves than that young lady apparently thinks of herself. You were right on the mark as a respectable man to be shocked, if only more people valued themselves as much.

  • will

    bro it was them fools in nigeria africa they come at you like that then they hit you up for cash please believe

  • mine jaz

    i dont think you over re acted much u were just very passionate about the feelings brought up by the comment…. however im sik and tired of woman being picked on and told about how we should have respect for ourselves and not put our bussiness out there and what not when men are damn near NEVER chastized for doing the same things… ironically more often than woman! wen was the last time any of us thought “damn thast brother has no respect for himself or who he represents” when he spoke on the size of his dick or how good he was in bed or how many conquest he was successful in?

  • Anonymous

    You were right…her solicitation was ridiculous…
    You care about what we talk about on this blog—(we as if I’ve been reading for ever–I’m a new comer) So you respond as such.

    I will say, I had to ask myself what I get out of sex. Of course it feels good. But I mean, where does the “lust” come from? I remember playing with myself since I was like 10. I even remember me and a few of my girlfriends “exploring” with it. I wasn’t a bad kid, nor stupid, but the curiosity was inside of me. I use to see that my dad had porno’s and read play boy, and I was interested too (even though he didn’t know)

  • Mr Celebrity Report

    We can blame society for the way this woman feels or we can blame her parents!!!! This starts at home!!! You werent to harsh you was speaking your mind!!!

  • Beth

    @ DaThrone……You seem to be defending this girls soley because thats the type you go for. Correct me if I’m wrong.

  • Beth

    @NWSO…….You say your so shocked by this females pormiscuous demeanor, however it seems like guys are always talking about sex and thats all that they want, but when a girl is offering they’re quick to judge. You your self seem to be quite pormiscuous might I add, your having sex with a new girl every post. the only difference between you and this girl is that she’s proactive about it.
    Your such a hypocrite.

    P.S. this poor girls actions were probably the result of sexual abuse

  • Beth

    Sorry for the typo===>promiscuous

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Beth

    Yes, I was shocked for the reasons I laid out. The fact that someone (male or female, but admittedly more so because she was female) would just say “here take me” without laying out any standards or selection process. Again, I would look at a dude funny as well for that with so many diseases out there, but as sexist as it may be I looked at it more sternly because it was a female. Right? Probably not, but it was my reaction nonetheless.

    As for my own promiscuity you’re right it would SEEM that way based on what I write about but the fact of the matter is (I’ve explained it before) I change the names of people as a way of respecting other’s privacy. I choose to write about my past (where most of the crazy stories happened) but whoever I was with or had a convo with isn’t always as open as I am. So even if I’m writing about the same woman in 6 different stories, she wouldn’t have the same name. So I can understand why you would think that I was some super promiscuous guy, but sadly that’s not the case. Yeah, I had a few wild years, but that’s long. I may have had a lot of sex, but not a lot of partners. So not sure if that still makes me a hypocrite or not, but even in my “wild days” I didn’t toss my d*ck around all willy nilly. Well, maybe once or twice.

    Lastly, my purpose in this post wasn’t to attack/judge this woman, i wrote that in there, but her comment evoked an emotional response in me that I wrote about. But overall, this entry was about the subject in general and wasn’t so much intended to be an attack on this one individual, but the bigger issue of how oversexed our society is.

    Oh, I spoke on sexual abuse earlier this week you can check that post out here:
    http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/2009/05/26/the-rape-of-shaniqwa-jenkins-what-can-you-do-to-help/

  • Beth

    Yeah Anslem “Naked with Socks On,” you may not be a whore but your definately a freak. My statement remains you’re a hypocrite! Mostly because you stated the main issue is our oversexed society, yet you reprimanded the “Lost Girl” half the post. However, Freak, Hypocrite, or a down right whore, you’re an amazing writer.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Beth

    Clearly I over looked your post. I would think that if you read through my post in this blog you would see that I dont know if she’s the type of girl I’d go for or not. I would doubt I would date a girl who would just sleep with anybody ole person. But thats not what her post said. I was defending her because a lot of people seem to get selective amnesia when it comes to there sexual past. Its one thing to offer constructive advice based on what you have learned in life. It is something completely different to bash on based on how vague her post was.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Beth

    I’ll just conclude that this is a love/hate relationship and leave it at that. lol

    As any wise man would do in a situation like this, we’ll agree to disagree…

    :P