Can men and women be just friends? That question was the basic premise for the 1989 film When Harry Met Sally. (NAKED FACT: That’s one of my favorite movies and is oh so true). For those that haven’t seen it, Harry is as blunt as they come and tells Sally soon after they initially meet that men and woman can never be friends because sex will always get in the way. Sally countered by saying that she had plenty of males that were strictly friends, which Harry explained they were only her “friends” because she wanted them to be but deep down they probably wanted to have sex with her. It’s a simple concept, that I believe is true on so many levels.
See, the answer to the above question is not as clear-cut as a simple yes or a definitive no. Yes, men and women all engage in different degrees of friendship and can co-exist without ever having sex, but chances are a sexual thought has crossed the mind of at least one of the individuals at some point—probably the guy. Even if it was just for a split second it gives validity to Harry’s argument. No, sex doesn’t have to actual happen but the tension can lie dormant and might one day rise to the surface as it did years later for Harry and Sally, who by that point were considered best friends.
Maybe women can exist in the possibility of a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex, but the same is not always true for men. At some point that guy has thought of that woman in a physical way. It could have existed in their preliminary meeting as he noticed her sexy gait, the beauty of her smile or the prominent bump in the small of her back. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and if she shuts a man down and places him in the friend zone, he has no choice but to play his position. Even if all of the sexual thoughts get purged as a true friendship develops and she becomes like his “sister” to him, the initial attraction/animal magnetism can still exist somewhere in his loins. Just because he learned how to suppress those urges, doesn’t mean they’re gone completely. I’m sure if they got caught up in a drunken night with no inhibition, he (or she) would pounce at the opportunity to bump uglies
The fact of the matter is, most men would at least consider sleeping with the various females in their lives if given the chance. Most times it’s just flash in the pan thoughts that quickly get dismissed. Friend or not, if someone in your circle is attractive you’re going to notice—especially visual creatures like men. Truthfully, the actual attractiveness or lack thereof of the woman is beside the point. If Whoopi Goldberg was wearing a low cut blouse that exposed her cleavage, someone would look. If Mo’Nique were to bend over in front of a construction site, someone would take notice. Men have eyes and we use them often. Besides, men and women are supposed to be attracted to each other. It’s the biological order of things. As shorty from Kindergarten Cop so eloquently put it, “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.” Those two body parts belong together like magnets and at some point they’ll line up. It’s all just a matter of who, when and how often.
Sex is a fact of life and unless you’re neutered it’s a natural desire. I’m sure priests and nuns still have sexual urges (forgive me, father), but for the sake of their religious beliefs they suppress their urges. Just as a married man still has eyes, but limits his sexual interaction (hopefully) to his spouse. I’m sure that even male/female best friends who keep their relationship strictly on a friend level tried to kick it before becoming bestest buddies in the whole wide world. Trust, before they reached that platonic plateau someone wanted to fuck—probably the guy.
But back to the question at hand. Can men and women be just friends? I say yes, as long as at least one of the parties is willing to suppress their latent urges. Now if there’s any sort of mutual sexual tension shared between the two parties, I’d have to say no. But what do I know? I’m just one man with an opinion. I bet if the ladies polled their male “friends” to see if they ever thought of you in a sexual way at least once—checking out your boobie traps, a wet dream or secret crush—you’d be surprised by their answers. Well, if they’re honest.
So what do y’all think: Can men and women be just friends or will sex always get in the way? Have you ever had a crush on someone you considered a friend? Have you ever acted on those feelings? Did you ever regret sleeping with a friend? Fellas, do you check out every woman when you first meet them? Ladies, have you ever been surprised by a close male friend revealing he was attracted to you? How did you respond?
Speak your piece…