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Why Do Good Girls Love Bad Boys?

Posted by NWSO • March 27, 2009 • Printer-friendly

bad-boy-bedroom

It really is a shame that we have so many failed marriages nowadays that there’s an entire show dedicated to couples that couldn’t wait ’til death for them to part. But I digress… I was watching Divorce Court the other day and an interesting case came on involving a nice African-American couple. The wife, we’ll call her Mrs. Smith, was a businesswoman (I forget what exactly) and had purchased several homes prior to getting hitched. She was raised in a predominantly White neighborhood and her husband, we’ll call him Mr. Smith, was the first and only person of color she ever dated.

Mr. Smith had a bit of a checkered past. Although he had a steady gig, he also dabbled in the streets as a drug dealer. In fact, during the course of their four years of marriage, he spent three of those in jail. Upon his release, Mr. Smith decided to turn his life around, getting a real job and leaving the thug lifestyle behind him. Sure he wasn’t pulling in as much as Mrs. Smith, but Mr. Smith was on a good path. Sounds like something the man should be praised for, right? Well, think again, that’s actually why his wife wanted a divorce.

See, Mrs. Smith liked Mr. Smith because he was a “thug” and had that “swagger.” That’s what attracted her to him because he had more “edge” than the White boys she dated before him. So now that Mr. Smith was on the straight and narrow, he just didn’t do it for her anymore. If that ain’t some bullshit I don’t know what is. Oh, yes I do, peep this: Mrs. Smith was so turned off by her husband’s lack of “thug swagger” that she refused to have sex with him. Things got so bad that she actually gave him written permission to go find “a girlfriend of his choosing to satisfy his physical needs.”

Needless to say, the judge told Mrs. Smith she was crazy for divorcing a perfectly good man that was trying to better himself because of some silly fascination with bad boys. Still, this beautiful and college-educated woman repeatedly stated that she didn’t want to be with her husband anymore because he lost his “swagger” when he stopped dealing drugs. Without that “edge,” he was just another regular guy and she needed a thug. SMH.

While I know Mrs. Smith is an extreme case (of ignorance), there are plenty of women out there that actually want that thug love. I understand that no one wants to be with a square, but don’t women (and men) complain about there not being enough good mates out there? Here was a woman that had one and she pushed him to the side because of some silly “swagger” argument. You gotta be kidding me. If she said he beat on her, cheated, wasn’t attentive enough or even wack in the sack, I could maybe understand, but her sole complaint was that he wasn’t a “thug” anymore. Sure, she was the breadwinner in the relationship but he made himself a better man and made an honest living. Shouldn’t that count for something? Apparently not.

The whole thing just confuses me. I like to consider myself a “good guy” and I’ve faced my fair share of Mrs. Smiths, who said I didn’t have enough edge, I wasn’t an alpha male or I was too “innocent.” Apparently those women never read my blog (LOL) or didn’t stick around long enough to be a “character” in one of my stories. Sorry, I take pride in the fact I’m not a “thug.” I never sold drugs or had to carry a gun to feel like a real a man. I never been jail and God-willing I never will. Although I may not have the same edge as that dude on the block, I got a different kind of swagger that works for me and women that can appreciate a gentleman more than a gangsta. That’s no knock to the chest-thumpin’ brothers that exude machismo and bravado from every pore, but sometimes the real bad boys move in silence.

Okay, ladies, help a brother out; what’s the fascination with bad boys? Do you feel like most good guys are boring? Are bad boys better lovers? Doesn’t the excitement of a bad boy eventually wear off if he doesn’t treat you well? Do you feel that a bad boy can be turned into a good man? If so, could he lose his swagger and ultimately your interest? What do you think of Mrs. Smith’s reasons for her divorce? When it comes times to get married, who would you want to spend the rest of your life with—the gangsta or the gentleman?

Speak your piece…

women_come_first

Tagged as: Divorce Court, gangsta and a gentleman, love, Marriage/Love, swagger, thug love

Moe

I feel that a lot of times women are attracted to men who exude strong machismo because they need a man who will take control. I find oftentimes these are women who do not have clear direction for their own lives. they often do what they are told is expected of them, sometimes this is the cause of there financial and job success.

Me personally am not attracted to bad boys. I want a man who has his own style. I need a man who stands out in a crowd because man come a dime a dozen nowadays. I need a special man because I do not feel I am your average woman.

I must say my father told me something growing up that will stick with me forever. He told me not to ride in cars with strangers or suspect men because you never know who is looking for them or out to get them, or when they will be trying to get the job done. If I should so happen to be with them in said instance no one will have mercy of me. I was pretty young when I heard this and it terrified me in ways I cannot express. With that said my father was the only bad boy I have ever allowed and kept in my life, partly by force.

I find the attraction to bad boys to be somewhat normal for myself but I have to stay focused on what is more important: Passion or Stability. I choose to stick with Stability because I have a future to concern myself with.

Sorry for the lengthy response. It is really a fascinating topic that you have spoken on here. Keep up the good work, love your blog especially you bringing up things many are afraid to open up discussion on.
LL

I think that might be true for a small selection of women.

Granted, maybe Mrs. Smith just wanted a man simply for the hardcore bedroom action, his bad boy persona, but..........thats probably all she wanted from him.

Meaning, she wasn't looking for much anything else meaningful with the man. That should be an insult to men more than it should be a WTF are women thinking issue.

What you think?
Anonymous

I don't think that its about being a bad boy, its about being an individual. Its important to have something that seperates you from the rest. I guess for some ppl that means being a "thug." No one wants to be with a person who"s a dime a dozen.
http://www.eroticphotosbykj.com KJ

I fall into the quiet nice guy category. I'm sick of meeting sisters who expect a brother to wear his toughness on his sleeve. I'm also tired of sisters not considering guys like me a romantic interest unless they need you for something. They only consider you good enough to be a stepdad when the thug disappears & they finally get a wake up call & need that male figure for the kids. What really gets me is when these same sisters have the nerve to get mad when they see you with a White, Asian or Hispanic woman. What do they expect you to do? Do they want you to wait for them to finish going through their thug phase & then raise that man's kids? I've been dating internationally for the past few years & couldn't be happier.
da ThRONe

I have lost the interest of so many females for being the "Nice Guy" like I gave a f*ck. LOL

The only girl I ever really loved had this problem. After almost 2 years of dating she decided I wasnt good enough. After she dumped me she went from drug dealer to drug dealer chasing some bad boy fetish. When I talk to her years later she said we didnt work because I wasnt doing anything for myself. I was in school full-time and working a full-time job ,but apparently thats nothing to her!

I just look at it like this it better I know she's f*cked up in the head early than later!
da ThRONe

As far as why women do stuff like this I've been stop trying to figure women out!

I hate to make general statements about gender ,but a lot of women can make huge deals out of nothing. I think because we men are traditionally the aggressor they think they're the prize and some how more important then us. Females tend to over complicate things and nit pick things to death. If they wanna take a page out of a most men playbook they'll learn to keep things simple!

Would I hit that? --------- check!
Is she cool?------------------ check!
Can I trust her-------------- check!

Ok shes a keeper!
All eYez

@ KJ, nothing wrong with dating internationally, I have no issue with interracial dating, however there are PLENTY of black women who do not want "thugs" I am personally looking for regular guy even if he is square...so date who you like, but please don't date "internationally" because you feel that all black women want you to raise their children from previous relationships with thugs....or raise their children period, or even have children for that matter.

I am a good girl, and I am NOT looking for a bad boy...at all... square dudes with that EDUCATIONAL SWAGG will do just fine, please and thank you.
July

Women just do not know what they want. I may be way off field with such a blanket statement but thats what I believe. One minute we want a good man but when we get him we complain then we get a bad boy and the same complaints are made that can only be the work of a totaly confused creature. As for the bad boy fetish I think it comes from just thinking that you do not deserve better and thats a self esteem issue, no self loving woman who respects and cherishes herself would indulge in such, I just refuse to believe otherwise.
savannah

i think its a phase most young girls go through. all my friends and myself included have been there, done that. sometimes you have to learn you deserve better the hard way. i liked the excitement; i grew up in the burbs, so dating a drug dealer was the first time i had been in the "hood" and seen guns, drugs, drug addicts and so on. i liked the swagger and aggressiveness that thugs have. i liked the control too now that i look back on it; he was older, he treated me like a child and dictated where and with whom i could go places. yup it was all good, until he tried to kill my ass one night in a rage. and so all i want these days is a nice, honest, faithful guy with goals, ambition and education, trying to better himself. sorry it was so long, but i know somebody out here feels me lol
Nu_B

LMAOOOOOOO @ "That’s no knock to the chest-thumpin’ brothers that..." this makes me think of Boondock's -Do The Homie- dance... *wipes tears...*

Ahem, Okay on to the serious business ...
again, as we all know ... I'm 26 yOa, black, female... blah blah blah... dig this!

what’s the fascination with bad boys?
bad boys feel that void of that fatherly image, oppose to the father image, or set the game proper on being ''handled'' per say...

Do you feel like most good guys are boring?
most guys ARE boring... at times. just like most girls are boring ...at times. however, if it comes to that ''boring'' stage in the relationship, take it upon self to make it more appealing! i wouldn't suggest getting rid of the good guy/girl simply because their flare has gone a little dull.

Are bad boys better lovers?
no, NERDS are the BEST ... they usually have the equipment to TREAT you... and the knowledge to TRICK you... oppose to the bad boy who tricks u often and rarely treat u. but for what its worth ...roll playing is where it is AT...

Doesn’t the excitement of a bad boy eventually wear off if he doesn’t treat you well?
bad boys are a thrill... a ''ride'' is often how i describe them. hop on it for temporary treat, then take it back to mi casa too...yeah.

Do you feel that a bad boy can be turned into a good man? If so, could he lose his swagger and ultimately your interest?
yes. yes. lol. but if that is the case, the ''relationship'' was shallow to begin with and should he desert me/her knee deep in sh*t then perhaps this is exactly what i deserve.

What do you think of Mrs. Smith’s reasons for her divorce?
stupid. ignorant is how i believe u put it (NWSO).

When it comes times to get married, who would you want to spend the rest of your life with—the gangsta or the gentleman?

A GENTLE GANGSTA ... -blush-

~peace n salutations~
Nu_B

true @ savannah..

not so true @ july ...

we, women, know exactly what we want. however, it is often hard to obtain the package deal. and i suppose the same can be said in reference to men who seek that ''ideal'' woman.

we (men & women) can co-exist.

difficulties seem much simpler

~peace n salutations~
Nu_B

Throne...

shouldn't "trust" come first? lol, Check!
Or am I, being a woman, making things difficult?

~P n S~
irish_mami8

Alright. I have to confess that I've been there and paid the price for it. The men that I've dated have always had to have a little bit of an edge to them. My ex-husband abused me, and after him, I dated a couple of guys that had the potential, but I got out before it could escalate. I realize though that I was taking the bad boy thing a little too far. I don't need, or want, a man to financially take care of me, but I'm kind of old school. I think a man should be able to protect his woman. The ones with the swagger just put out that vibe like they won't let anyone mess with their woman. It's reassuring.

Now, the man that I'm dating now is wonderful. I wouldn't call him a bad boy though. He's tough and kinda looks it, too. But there's a big difference in my book between tough and bad. There's nothing bad about him. He's the most respectful man I've ever met and treats me like a queen. There's no doubt in my mind that he's got my back, and my kids' backs, too. When I'm with him, I feel completely safe because I don't have to worry about anybody else, and most certainly not him.

I know it's shallow, but I gotta have a man with a little swagger. But I'm not looking for a hardcore thug, either. I'm no Mrs. Smith though. I'm more likely to bail on him for being sent to jail than changing his ways. How is that man gonna protect me if he's locked up? I can get doing stuff like that in your early twenties. We all make mistakes. But that's one of the reasons why I don't date a man if he hasn't put all that behind him and grown up. I'm looking for a MAN, and to me, a man is someone that handles his responsibilites and isn't out hustling and running the streets.
Simone

Mrs Smith is a fool. Give me a good boy any time. I would rather know that he is home with me and being responsible rather than in jail or about to get shot.
Optical_Illusion

Thugs need love too, y'all!!!!

So, why don't men love a good woman? I know so many guys that keep trekking through the rain, snow and sleet back to trifling, psychotic, lazy, retarded, ragedy ass, multiple kids by multiple men, baby mamas.

Some men love the thrill of a chick that will curse them the F out, use them for their money, have the dude watching their kids, degrade them and then get in the bed and F their brains out!

A thug don't equal bad person. A thug could just be someone chasing that fast money. Are we talking about REAL thugs (like Mr. Smith, who was really in the streets thuggin' it out), or are we talking about the thug swagger or attitude? I'm personally too old to F around with some fool selling drugs or robbing or hustling. I know it's no future in that and more importantly I ain't getting mixed up in nothing! But is that what we're talking about, or just a dude with an aggressive demeanor?
Anonymous

NWSO You are doing a fabulous job! I love your site.
Seriously, No Seriously

LOL @ Da Throne

When I was younger I dated nothing but thugs only b/c that was all there was in the hood! Thugs exude confidence, agressiveness & strength, the main things women look for in a man! We are taught from young to find a man who can provide and protect us and thugs wear that on their sleeves. I have met plenty of "good/nice" guys that behind closed doors or after they have entered their comfort zone have shown their "thug" side! All men have a lil thug in them they just have to have the right woman to bring it out! and i mean thug as in confidence, agressive and strength! A bad boy is just that bad. I never understood the whole fasicination with being with someone in which you have to constantly look over your shoulder, ducking and diving and rushing around when you're with them. Sorry if i want a thrill I will go to Great Adventures!
Nu_B

for the record...
the short coming of men are ALSO worn on their sleeves. therefore, i proudly state that i am faithfully single. i haven't lost hope in men, its just a tad bit worn. whelp, have a great weekend folks. do everything that you said you wouldn't, and nothing expected.

`peace n salutations`
paulettebajangal

I saw that show...lmao.She wrote a letter giving him permission to fuck other women.That was too funny.The judge was in shock.

As for "bad boys"...don't like em.I like a little roughness in the bed but that's where it ends.Confidence and swagger is what I'm looking for...a thug is not.
Jessica Royce

NWSO I love you blog!

I prefer to date "bad boys" as well, but not the ones that's always in jail or deals drugs. I guess I'm into softcore bad boys. In some cases, nice guys do finish last.
YoungJay

As a "good guy" myself I been asking myself this question for years dealing with woman of the same vein, who realize their mistake when its too late...but ive come to the point where I cant worry about the actions of others. Fellas just continue to give your all and sooner or later some Good women will appreciate us.
Lady Love

"but sometimes the real bad boys move in silence."- NWSO

Preach, honey!! This is so true. I learned this the hard way. Most of the time, the dude going out of his way to show and prove that he is a man, a bad boy isn't one at all. No one wants to be in a "show & tell" relationship.

I believe I have found a Good guy and what I appreciate most about him is that he is a man and takes charge w/o having to say a word or prove it to me. He's from the "hood" but was not determined to be a product of it. He does his own thing, lives right, and even if others thing it is corny, he knows that he is an adult and all his actions affect his future.

What more could a woman ask for??
K-Love

I love my educated thugs. The thugs that used to sell drugs and walk around with glocks. I like knowing the fact that they used to be bad boys, but have changed for the better. You can still have swagger and have a 9-5. And for a thug to be able to down grade to the regular nine to five money with out backsliding to the street says a lot about him. It shows that he has graduated form common steet thug to a Man with thug qualities. I know I love a man that has confidence and assertiveness and not afraid to flip me over and take it if you know what I mean. I guess it all comes down to "whatever floats your boat". A good man is a good man whether he's a thug or not. I've been with thugs that treated me like a queen, because I demanded that respect up front. I run the show, whether he knows it or not, thug or no thug. What I say goes. I have not met a man yet that can resist me. He can be the hardest dude from NY to Compton, but i breaks that ass down. Never once making him not feel like the MAN though, more so he feels more like a man cause I allow him to do all that a man will do. You can window shop but no buying and he does not extend me the same curteosy. I wish I would look at another man. It will be drama. He can be who he needs to be in order to be macho...But no one wants a punk ass square, however, there is someone for everyone.

Good girls finish last too NWSO. Most men want the Whorish Video Vixens, or shawty up the block with the phat ass and the 7 kids. I went thru hell and high water to find my educated, working class thug and I love him and would not trade him for the world.

So to the transformed thugs, I am proud of you, but the streets will always be in the heart.
da ThRONe

@savannah

Nothing say I love you like a 9mm, crackpipe ,and a 40 oz. right?LOL

@Nu B

Na 1st thing when you meet a female you ask yourself would I or wouldnt I hit it. Thats me most dudes have a rating scale and theres two bars. The first bar is the "sex" level and if she is there she is only attractive enough just for sex. Then there is the relationship level these are the females that attractive enough to be seen with! Me Im a shark if i'll hit it I'll date Im super simple!

@Optical Illusion

That another topic ma! No I think people confuse good with boring. I am far from a boring person in or out of the bedroom. If that crazy chick is a freak in the bed and has that fire she will have dudes coming back.(which just shows ladies the benefits of being freaky Im just saying LOL) But thats a different topic this is mental not sexually. There are plenty of "thugs" that are boring as hell and most of them are selfish so they probably not that much fun to sleep with.

We all know theres a certain amount of fun in doing taboo things. It takes a mature person to understand in a relationship it should be about substance and happiness and not shallow shit and fun! Happiness is a state of mind that can be premenant while fun is just temporary!
da ThRONe

@All Ladies

You dont have to reform a "bad boy" to get a real man! "Im no punk bitch" I just understand I cant do anything for anybody behind bars. I also know that money is overrated when it comes to happiness. And most drug dealers end up broke, dead or in jail. So if being smart enough to know this makes me a square so be it.

There was this beautiful young lady I used to work with who lost 18months of her life falling for that fast money! One ride cost her almost 2 years. Sometimes we forget risk comes with punishments.
http://www.loveloleeta.blogspot.com JessyRod

Women like bad boys because they think they can "fix" them. I had a thing for "intelligent thugs" until I realized most of them will not evolve beyond their surroundings/circumstances/limited worlds. That chick is BONKERS for letting go of a person who clearly wants to fix their lives and oh, i don't know, grow up? evolve? become an adult?

anywho...i couldn't agree with you more NSWO: " sometimes the real bad boys move in silence." the most swaggering dudes i know don't wear it on their sleeve, their swagger is their mere presence.

ahh...mujeres...when are we going to learn? *sigh*
Chanel

I grew up with enough bad boys to know to stay the hell away from them. Give me a nerd with a sense of humor any day!
Litabia

You also have to think about the females that chase after men that are in prison. I met this lady that met a guy while he was in prison through some prison pen pal website. She likes bad boy thug types and where a better place to find them then in prison.
Anonymous

Bad Boy v. Nice guy as a paradigm is a useless as Virgin v. Whore. I've run into some real nice boys who become rough and hard as soon as I get them to bed (which is great). I've been with gentle sensitive ex-addicts. You can't judge a man so simply.

Also. Some women do have issues and love assholes. To the Ladies: These assholes better be mind-blowing in bed.
Nikki

Bad boys are definitely not in especially if you want to settle down and eventually raise a family. I would want to spend the rest of my life with a gentleman. For me, of course he has to have some type of swagga but a cool one. Just like men want a woman in the streets and a freak in the bed, I definitely want one a gentleman, professional man in the streets and then the hardcore, cool guy can come out at night when we are together.
http://www.eroticphotosbykj.com KJ

@All eYez, I try very hard not to generalize but you have to understand that I've been through some painful situations dating sisters. I've even been told by sisters that a guy like me would have been a catch for a sister 40-50 years ago but nowadays I'm looked at as a chump. I hate to say it but I've gotten to the point of getting suspicious if a sister shows interest in me. I assume she must need something. Part of me hopes that I will meet a sister who will change my thinking. The other part of me says to buy a plane ticket & go back to Colombia where there is a man shortage & beautiful, educated, career minded Latinas who adore gentlemen & sweet nice guys like me. A thug wouldn't have a chance with the women there:).
Optical_Illusion

@ Da Throne

I definitely know how to please a nukka but I ain't tryna use that to keep a dude in my company. If old boy can't wrap his mind around EVERYTHING that I am, he can haul ass, QUICK! And if a nukka gon stay wit me, cause I give hime the best head he ever had, even though I treat him like shit, you know what I'm not gon even finish dat sentence cause I cant fuck wit a man I don't respect, so I'll never be in dat predicament. But I get ya point.

Thug or no thug, it's a lot of boring asses out there. Been out wit a dude drivin da latest baddest shit, hundred dollar bills spilling outta his pocket, diamonds everywhere and boring as hell. It all felt like an act. Like he was purposely trying to shine. I hate those types. No need to say how that ended. Been out with a thug that had the shit tatted on his neck. Real humble and sexy. Spent dough like it was burining a hole in his pocket. We had a banging ass thing going on, but that's just what is was "a thing" cause I can't spend my life wit a man runnin da streets. And I ain't in to changing folks, so I never asked him to get out the game.

Again, are we talking style and demeanor, or are we talking REAL THUGS thugging? I think a lot of us are talking about rough attitudes and demeanors. Clothes and slanguage, a thug does not make. And never judge a book by it's cover. I have a teenage son that love to throw the doo rag on (I hate it). I allow him to wear it once in awhile, cause that's the style of his time. (Remember when we was wearing bandanas and Hi-Tech boots. LOL) He look thuggish but is FAR from it. And look at myself, I look like a rockstar. I'm a damn accountant! LOL
da ThRONe

@KJ

Hey buy me a ticket too! LOL

Serious though you cant group people together based on race its silly. Nothing is wrong with dating people of different races and cultures but it should be natural not forced.

When dating everybody deserves a clean slate. Its not fair to put a brand new person in an old person shadow. Its only natural to be effected by the past but dont let it negatively effect your future!
Lonias

By my definition of swagger, Mr. Smith has more now than he did when he was hustlin...
My definition of swag is confidence, making no apologies and never complacent, always aspiring to new heights. It's reflected in a man's walk and his speech. Mrs. Smith is so closed-minded that she doesn't realize that all Mr. Smith has done is decide to apply what he already knows to a legitimate endeavor. I would even bet that he will have an edge in whatever field he chooses over his not-so-street-smart counter-parts.
Did you happen to mention Mr. Smith's email/phone?

And by the way...
@NWSO
Your swag is apparent...
http://www.eroticphotosbykj.com KJ

@da ThRONe
You're welcome to come on the next trip. I've always had a thing for Latinas so it's natural. I love sisters & I do try to give them a chance. I'm just a little more cautious when I meet them. I get into debates with my female relatives all the time about this issue. I can assume you probably are going through the same thing.
Tammy

First guy I ever fell in love with now that i think about it was a very very nice guy. I loved every-
thing about him, way he acted towards other
they way he talked and treaed me and just
the way he was soooo proud of who he was.
Only thing got in the way there is location.
I have met sevral nice guys since but find them
all very boaring and wayyyyyyy to attentive.
I dont like to be iggnored but i really dont like
being served to either. Guess all in all no nice
guy has come close to the very first one i met.
As for thugs in my opinion the ones i have been
with are all so different but yet alll so the same.
I did fall for this one guy who was all thug and
turned his life around and he was very intresting and i thought about him alot he stayed in my mind. So for me its just no other guy could add
up to the first guy. Second guy i loved was
a nice guy but had this nice little edge to him
and he broke my heart so wasn't really into any
kinda reationship after that. So in turn have
never thought of a guy in any other way
except for some fun. So as much as woman will
hate me for saying this sumtimes its just the
woman. We got our issues too and i have
recently come to realize that these issues really
do affect kinda guys u like. Cause as good as some of these guys i knew were they just were
missing what i had lost already.
Wolf

I like the real talk discussed here on NWSO and will try to participate this time. Mrs. Smith sounds extremely lost and confused on so many levels in this article. First why is a black man being portrayed over the white men she dated as being a bad boy or thug. As if she had to go find a black man to satisfy her fetish of a thug swagger.. We black men already assumed by most media suspect if it has to do with drugs, domestic violence or a crime in the area. Mrs. Smith sounds like a black women in disguise working against us.

All you other confused women out there a man with bad boy swagger is someone who loves and protects his family and would never hurt you.
Righteous Mama

It may seem "boring" regular dudes lack the "excitement" these "women" need but really these chics are just scared lil girls underneath it all. You gotta grow up sometime.

Faced with the choice of mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now, some women are truly conflicted due to low self-esteem and/or lack or maturity/readiness for a healthy relationship. They'd rather be fucked, handled and controled than loved deeply. Its some twisted shit. Fellas, find a woman that's ready and appreciative of all you have to give. I applaud all the men who put in time and energy to help these women see the light. It may or may not be worth it. Here's to all the good men out there! Shiiiiittt.... I don't know bout them but I LOVE Y'ALL!
da ThRONe

@KJ

Na I didnt date much period! I feel you though I love my latinas ladies. I recently have been digging on asians shorties they getting sexy now(make me a lil Tiger Woods without his fake ass accent LOL)

I just think there should be some level of friendship when dating. If you guys are friends the whole "boring" thing wont be a factor. I think dating somebody based on stlye is stupid and its why so many people cant find the right 1. I think people(especially females) care to much about the clothes a person wear or the car they drive and you ignore some dudes that would fit you.

But lets face it people are shitty and selfish! As long as people greatest priority are themselves relationships will always fail. And this seems to be the current theme with todays' generation!

On second thought maybe moving to Colombia isnt a bad idea?
EmotionalFunk

Well I don't think there really is a facination with bad guys at all. The problem as I see it is bad, no good chicks getting a good man and placing the blame for their f'd up ways on them.
Good guys are the ish! but good guys also have to stop trying to wife no go chicks because of their looks or how they put it down.

Good guys need to straight bounce when they find out they got an undercover faking to be good chick and let them breed with their kind-thugs!

By the way I've never dated anyone who was a bad guy once I figured out they were not about ish. So I can't even say if they are better in the sack. But Mrs. Smith’s is wack that's what I think about her. When it comes times to get married, I'll probably marry neither a gangsta or a gentleman as you put it, but I'll marry someone who is more than likely similar to me. After all we usually attract what we are, don't we? hmmm
mine jaz

kk this is wat i think.. i agree with those who say omen go after bad boyz for the security and direction.... however sometimes its more. i kno for me i like or prefer babd boys because i find they can handle my attitude and who i am in my prefered way... i can be very controlling on accident but all y nice guy friends arent quick to check me on it... and the bed isuue... welll some ppl are willing to try more things than others, ill leave it at that... seriously though ALOT of people have these things called preferences which really equates to a bias and being mad at a sister for her bias of the hood nigga is the same as women being mad at the brother for interacialy dating... because brothers its the white feamle or asian female or latin females bias to ur dark skin rumored larger than life man hood and assumed hoodness.
Elle

My 0.02 Euros:

1. Women don't prefer thugs/ bad boys over good guys. Girls do. And the "girl label" stands in no correlation whatsoever to the the DOB noted in one's ID.

2. Good guys aren't always that good once you dig deeper. A thug however proudly has all his flaws on display so the females know what they get into. A so called nice guy may have more or worse skeletons hidden in his closet for you to find out years down the line.

3. Life as a "nice person" might seem boring and dealing with the kid your parents told you to stay away from adds a little spice and excitement. Who doesn't like excitement?

4. I have had both: the drug dealing, sticking his dick into every hole bad boy and the overall nerdy nice guy. Quite frankly, none is better than the other. It depends on where I am in my life at that particular moment when I meet a man. 10 years ago my fiancé would have not stood the slightest chance with me. I was one of these stupid little girls who proclaimed "I like a man that can be a bit of an asshole at times." And boy did I get an asshole!!! It was a learning experience. But I have to repeat myself: the good guys sometimes have worse issues to deal with than a jail sentence.

5. Simply because a man is a good man by society's definition does not mean he is good for every woman. I have met/went on dates with several good men. Yet and still, they were not good for me. More needs to be in place for me to find a man attractive. Sometimes it sounds as if guys think it is enough to play by the rules to be liked. Yes, you are reliable, stable, ready to settle down. Yes, you are faithful, funny, educated. Yes, you have a job, your own place, your own ride and some extra cash to spend on a possible girlfriend. But that is not enough. I'm sorry. Even though a man may fit all of the "outside" criteria women look for, if he can't make their butterflies fly, they normally won't waste his or their time.

6. Although it may seem as if women do not know what they want, we do. We want a healthy mix of both worlds. Most of us at least.
Mimi in the OC

I am sorry but I don't buy that bad boy crap. It is just BS to me. If you're looking for thrills, it's alright when you're a teenager, or if you're looking to "have fun" but if you're talking relationship, potential husband or father material, what can a bad boy do for you? Really.

I don't understand either black females being mad when a black man dates inter racially, open your mind and give yourself options. I've heard things such as "conserving the culture"...We are in a globalization era, it's too late. 50 years from now most people, especially in the US will be mixed races, it's just inevitable, black people are outnumbered...by far.
da ThRONe

@Elle

If a guy isnt good he's not a "Good Guy" LOL! Theres more than just two type of guys. A good guy is the poetry writing ,flower purchasing ,problem listening ,getting out of his bed in the middle of the nite because you want a late nite snack ,your bill paying ,monogamist type brothers!

If he doesnt find himself somewhere in that hes not a good dude!
Neska

Men want a lady in the sheets and a freak in the sheets so i thinks its safe to say that women want a gent in the streets and a beast in the sheets
Miss. B Haven

I personally feel that the media and music plays a big part in it. Young children grow up watching movies and listening to music that glorifies the gangster lifestyle. Little girls get the message that bad boys are better lovers, protectors and providers in general.

A few examples:

American Gangster
Scarface
Good Fellas

2Pac - Thug Passion
Beyonce - Check up on it
Destiny's Child - Soldier

Just to name a few, the list goes on and on.

I don't think this is a one-sided thing either. I think men are attracted to women that exude a little thug as well. They're given the message that a woman should be ride or die, and the badder the better in bed.
http://goddessesrising.blogspot.com goddessjaz

great discussion! i agree that for many women, liking bad boys has a lot to do with not believing you deserve love and low self-esteem. and it definitely has to do with maturity and age...and the premise that thugs are the best fucks.

it seems some women aren't confused, they make a conscious choice to be with bad boys. if that's what someone wants and they are fully aware of what they are getting into, so be it. good guys don't need that drama anyway.

i also agree with Elle. sometimes you meet a "good guy" and the chemistry isn't there or it fades...not because he's "nice" just because that's what happens sometimes. i am interested in a good man who can keep me mentally engaged.

Mrs. Smith has some work to do on herself. I hope her reformed bad boy can find a good woman who appreciates him.
Elle

@Da Throne

I agree that there are more than just 2 types of guys. However, it isn't as simple as you put it. A man who does all of the things you mentioned and more can still have his skeletons in his closet.

Example: my ex. He treated me like a lady at all times. He was reliable, loving, caring, romantic, creative. He brought me flowers, surprised me with dinners he had cooked, catered to my every need. Never cheated, never lied, never raised his voice/hand, communicated well. And so on.
So what was wrong with him? His horrible childhood had had a terrible effect on his mental state/stability which in turn affected our relationship at times and at the end of the day, was the reason for our breakup. He was a good man nontheless and I admit this was something he really had no control over. However, my point is, that there sometimes is more than meets the eye even to an overall good guy that can have negative effects on the (possible) relationship.
bogart4017

thankfully all women don't deal with a "bad boy"--some have some common sense and are smart enuff to want to avoid a lifetime of sundays visiting upstate. There ain't no dignity in the conjugal visit.
LolitaBaby

I am, and for the most part always have been, the good girl. Fortunately for me, I became a BS reader very quickly. To me, swag doesn't equate to "thug lovin," it equates a realness and a rawness that's genuine and unapologetic. And being real and raw does NOT always equate to being a thug. Cuz I know a lot of thugs that are NOT real and raw simply because prefer ignorance and settling for less instead of making a legitimate mark in the world.

Now, I'm not even gonna lie, of COURSE I'm attracted to bad boys. I remember this one boy in my 6th grade class at PS 9 named Nieshawn...he got left back, he was notorious for bringing weapons to school, and he was soo rude. But he was SO CUTE. SO cute. But even at the tender age of 12...I was not bout to deal with that drama. Hell to da naw.

I feel like a lot of women (myself included), especially black women, have this "I'm Captain Save-A-Nigga" mentality. We see beauty in our men no matter what, and we think maybe, just maybe, we can be the one to change his ways and let him know that he is loved and he can be great...and we just have to put up with the abuse and disrespect because "love is pain" and he still "down" for you no matter how bad he treats you.

But the bottom line is, HE needs to change for HIM. We may benefit in the process, but if he wants to be a nigga, he is gonna continue to do so no matter what you do for him. I'm only 20, but I put down my cape a lonnggg time ago.
Joe

I dunno,but frankly if i were to start thinking like the way women do,then mostly wat all guys would do is just "f#*k n forget",women don't know what they want,but then men know exactly wat they want from each woman!would a woman accept a promiscuous man to be her soul mate never!also would she accept a 40 yr old virgin to be her soul mate,no!!!Duh!Fact is dear women folk if u want a alpha male,then remember alpha males have more females and are commanding!they will treat u like a peace of meat!I dont understand y after doin' all the bullSh*#%y mistakes in life a woman will go for a "nice" guy to be her soulmate,it's like saying the nice guy is getting a chewing gum used by 20 who know's even 40 guys,"gift wrapped" so tat he never comes to know wat's on the inside!I really was in love with this girl,the reason she drove me nut's is because she slept with my best friend n justified the fact that he went to his arms because i didn't show her attention!24hrs of no attention n u land up in another guy's arms!even a freakin' Wh#%e would have better respect!
Joe

It Fills me with disgust to think i was in luv with a ........watever!i couldnt bring myself together after wat she did,after she did wat she had to ,her justification included words tat called me a worthless B#!$%rd,good for nothing wretch all because i didnt show attention for a day?!i never was rude to her all my life,the way she justified her heinous act was alarmingly difficult for me to digest!i had suicidal thoughts after that but then i realised i was not the person who was wrong after n y should i be killin' myself over a silly reason!now im a single guy who hates the word "love" from the bottom of his heart,
i mind my business at all times,stay away from women if possible,no i ain't gay,im still a normal guy.Thanx to the worthless person i was in luv with.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Joe

Yeah, suicide should never be an option, especially because of someone else's actions. May hurt now, but at least you know the truth and aren't wasting any more of your time an energy on someone that clearly didn't deserve it. Stay strong, homie. Live and you learn. Takes time, but you get to move on to bigger and better things and more deserving people.
Joe

Simply because a man is a good man by society’s definition does not mean he is good for every woman. I have met/went on dates with several good men. Yet and still, they were not good for me. More needs to be in place for me to find a man attractive. Sometimes it sounds as if guys think it is enough to play by the rules to be liked. Yes, you are reliable, stable, ready to settle down. Yes, you are faithful, funny, educated. Yes, you have a job, your own place, your own ride and some extra cash to spend on a possible girlfriend. But that is not enough. I’m sorry. Even though a man may fit all of the “outside” criteria women look for, if he can’t make their butterflies fly, they normally won’t waste his or their time.-for the lady who messaged this,i have a very good option,date an "ALIEN"!Ummmm.....hey wait a minute i don't think even he would cause there wouldn't b any species in the universe who would fit tat kinda description of a man!!!!he...he....
Joe

All sensible good guys u have 2 options either prefer one night stands or stay away from women for the better part of ur life!let's go ahead with your nerdy brains to calculate,a one night stand will never even cost 0.025% of spending money in a relationship which is neways as all the women just blogged wouldn't work out!use ur brains dudes when a woman can play wit a man's life,y can't us!Seems like all women think tat nice guys are the dumbest and most gullible,one question to women-do u know how much it hurts when uve saved up ur virginity for somebody in ur life whom u love more than urself and it turns out tat that someone has cheated on u?!!!!Trust me if even one woman would have a man's heart he would know the pain,this is true emotion not the BS which is aired on sitcoms!!
CHOCOLAT

I BEG THE DIFFER, I AS A BLACK WOMAN DO NOT LIKE THUGS AT ALL, I LIKE THE GENTLE GUY, THE SWEET GUY, THE WORKING GUY(who works a regular 9 to 5) JOB. AS FOR AS THE STATEMENT ABOUT BLACK MEN DATING INTERACIALLY, THAT IS A CHOICE, BUT I HATE FOR BLACK MEN TO PUT BLACK WOMAN IN ONE SOCIAL CLUMP, ALL BLACK WOMAN ARE NOT GOLD DIGGERS, IGNORANT, BOSSY. THERE ARE SOME SUITABLE BLACK WOMAN LOOKING FOR GOOD BLACK MEN. BUT FOR NOT ONE MOMENT SHOULD A BLACK MAN FEEL THAT ANY ONE CLASS OF WOMAN IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER, NOR SHOULD THEY THINK THAT WHITE, ASIAN, LATINO IS BETTER THAN A BLACK WOMAN. JUDGE A WOMAN PERIOD ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASES, DON'T TAKE URE BAD EXPERIENCES OUT ON EVERY WOMAN. NOW DON'T THINK THAT MEN DO NOT HURT, CHEAT, MISLEAD WOMAN BECAUSE MEN DO IT IS VICE OR VERSA. WHAT YOU GUYS NEED TO DO IS GET TO KNOW A WOMAN.......LET ME REPEAT THAT A REAL WOMAN AND TAKE URE TIME TO KNOW THEM AND STOP THINKING WITH URE PENIS. TRY FINDING OUT WHAT KIND OF WOMAN YOU REALLY LIKE AND STOP SETTLING FOR ANY OLD THING. YOU SHOULD LIKE HER MIND AS WELL AS HER PHYSICAL BODY AND SHOULD BE FRIENDS BEFORE LOVERS, THAT IS IF YOU WANT HER FOR KEEPS. BUT IF IT IS JUST A BOOTY CALL THEN IT SHOULD NOT MATTER IN NO SENSE.
Joker’s Wild

This is ridicuilous the idea of a good girl with a bad guy. She's a bad girl with a bad guy.

Don't save her she don't wanna be saved. -Project Pat
Elle

@Joe

I can tell you were writing with a lot of pain in your heart. Trust me, I have been there. Heck, I am probably still there as I type and can relate to the anger you were feeling.

I stand behind what I said though: Being a good person by society's standards does not equal to being a good man/woman to be in a relationship with. The best people do the ugliest things sometimes. Just because a man is a good person, does not mean our personalities mesh well. And as I elaborated before, we all have skeletons in our closet. ALL of us. It is a matter of finding somebody who can deal with them appropriately. Both, the ex I described and my now ex-fiancé, are good men in the sense that they are good people, good friends, good employees, good brothers, good sons. But behind all of that were layers that made being in a relationship with them difficult. And trust me, when a good guy hurts you or even breaks your heart, it is THAT much more painful because you didn't see it coming and didn't have the chance to mentally prepare yourself for it. I was never hurt as badly by my drug dealing and whoring ex as I was by the guy I wanted to marry.

I hope you are feeling better by now, Joe.
Jason

Okay being a guy thats spent years on the playing field,and knowing guys that are the scardy cat types,and guys that go for quick comfort.I have seen in my friends this;they go for what ever comes their way,they all share insecurity in their looks,and what they can get,looks wise in women,and they all find the woman that likes to be the superior!I have plenty of female friends as well.Thoughs that are weak minded guys,are the ones they go for,if they think that it will give them a free ride,just off useing their pussy's.The Big secret i have learned is simple...Women are attracted to the bad boy.The bad boy dont have to be a thug,he just has to like drama,and as well walk away,be more than willing to walk away,be willing to encourage in words that it would be okay with him if they broke up.Women are very attracted to this for one,you have power,well women are attracted to this.2 think of every aspect of a relationship like this in sex,you are pushing in and pulling out ward to have sex.when you push in thyats like giveing in,woman is happy,but not near as happy,as if you are pulling back,or pushing in a little,and pulling back alot.It's .like fore play to increase their sexual excitement.So if they want control,pull back.If they want money show it,but only give some!and only give some,when you get some.That is not sex based,but boughtin,and gift given(not sexual)Lets also look at some women when depressed want drugs,illegal,or perscribed to feel happy,right?Well what if you you tease for your success!Thats really what they want,that gives them a much higher high,that drugs,and lasts alot longer,you now become their excitement,and their orgasim,in life...And the funny part is they will allways want,and love you,even latter on!Learned by analizing my own happen apounds,and seeing it,and life experiance,not to mention the theory of relativity has stuck with me,since i was a kid!P/s if your going to dump them then the 1st,and 2nd week,one week prior to the dump do nice things,but not over board,this just makes them think more,about where they went wrong,learnd that years back,from an older woman,and it has worked time and again,to keep women on your hook,years latter,even!
Nate

Let them have the bad boys. After they grow tired of being treated like crap, they'll eventually dump the bad boy. Then again, it may be too late and the women get so used to it, they bring themselves down to that level and accept that is as good as it gets.

You make your bed, you sleep in it.

I don't compete with bad boys and I haven't made any significant changes from being a nice guy. Despite that, there are still enough nice women out there who know they deserve better.
Conceal

I think that women tend to go for what makes them feel more secure. Bad boys tend to wear this tough guy persona on their sleeve and I think that somehow equates to a since of protection and security with them. I've approached women before as the nice guy that I am and for whatever reason they either strung me along with this "I have to be chased B.S and courtship is like a game" or told me upfront that they weren't interested. Women NEED to be presented with everything a man is about. A stand out kind of guy in their eyes. But I think it can be broken down into the following categories....

1. The Money Hungry Female - This is the woman who goes after a guy who has that "I'm a getting money type of swagger" and financial stability represents security in a lifestyle with these type of women.

2. The Athletic Jock, Muscular Built - Women see a man who has a dark skin muscular built and looks like he will F' you up. It also provides a sense of security and protection that women yearn for. That's why women tend to go for men that are taller then they are and avoid smaller or shorter men because it represents weakness to them in their mind.

3. The Intellectual (street smart) - Women who go for these type of men, tend to be attracted to guys who can think on their feet. Someone who can solve all their problems and take control of a bad or troubling situation.

4. The Charismatic Funny Man Swagger - Women who go for these type of men like to be entertained. Probably been in some boring relationships and want some excitement. A man that can keep them laughing. Personality is more important to them.

5. The Full Package - Most women are attracted to this category. I think most women would want a man that embodies a few or all of the characteristics just mentioned above. Most women see a "nice guy" a one-dimensional, square little punk who's nice to everyone and to women because he's weak. Bad boys tend to be more well-rounded and have some dirt on their hands and have more experience.

I think it also has to do with complexion. I'm from Oklahoma City, and there really isn't a big black population here, but the sisters down here tend to go for the dark-skin, athletic type. They practically throw themselves at those types. It's almost like women will put you on a layaway plan while they chase the guy with the hard edge, and then come back to you when they need something.
Jay-Z

I just think all humans are nothing but dumn immature bas*ards and b*tches.....

Nobody knows anything...

Men want good girls that are hotter than the desert dunes and Women want guys that are "agressive" with a "swag" and "edge"....

And this damned world is nothing but a bunch of mindless people who don't wanna grow up.

Just look at the media to see who are the "attractive" ones!

And I hate to burst everyone's bubble... There's a lot more to relationships than sex.... who wants a freak in bed that they cant stand to be around for the rest of the day- EVERYDAY?!?!?!

LOLOLOLOL...this world is worthless.... We all lead worthless lives, and no one will remember us when we die... we all feel instinctively that the universe revolves around our lives, yet even in our deaths the sun continues to rise and set, and the earth continues to revolve around the sun. I dont give an F what the mentaly challenged people and scientists say....this world isnt ending anytime soon. We are so small and we dont spend enough time contemplating on the fact that compared to the rest of the universe, we are tiny worthless creatures. Prehaps if we could only wrap our little haughty minds around this, there would be higher successful marrige rates...

Consider this!
Jay-Z

LOL

Everyone, I dont wanna sound like a a-hole or anything, and I am enjoying this disscussion!

When I say "everyone is immature b-stards and b-tches" it does not nessesarally mean "everyone" per say.

Im sure there is plenty of you who are pretty cool, and from what I have read, most of you are right on!
Conceal

I have to agree with "KJ" one hundred percent!!!

I’m sick of meeting sisters who expect a brother to wear his toughness on his sleeve. I’m also tired of sisters not considering guys like me a romantic interest unless they need you for something. They only consider you good enough to be a stepdad when the thug disappears & they finally get a wake up call & need that male figure for the kids. What really gets me is when these same sisters have the nerve to get mad when they see you with a White, Asian or Hispanic woman. What do they expect you to do? Do they want you to wait for them to finish going through their thug phase & then raise that man’s kids?

There's way too many women I've met that act exactly like this!!!
Basically BLACK WOMEN ARE EXTREMELY JUDGMENTAL and want you to put up with their shit and neglect any problems you might have.
MimiPumpkin

I think you should have an entry about how the "good girls" are overlooked for the "bad ones"...

http://nwso.net/ NWSO

I may have. lol. Have to think on it. If not I could probably pull something together at some point
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