You are here: Home » Relationships, Love & Marriage » Is Living Together the New Trend?

Is Living Together the New Trend?

Posted by NWSO • March 31, 2009 • Printer-friendly

living-together-before-marriage

While the focus of yesterday’s blog was on how love blossoms, I also touched on the idea that the recession may be causing more people to pair up. It seems like every time I turn around there’s some new couple I come across, but, truthfully, it makes a lot of sense. Not to take the romance out of things but in these dire economic times, dating someone exclusively is a heck of a lot cheaper than being a socially active single person—especially if you’re a male. My thinking is that your girl (or man) will be more inclined to go half on a date, make it a Blockbuster (or Netflix) night and have your back (and pockets) in general than some new romantic interest. So getting boo’d up may be the move for ’09, but with the recession sliding towards a depression, it won’t be long before people take it to the next level and start shacking up.

Living together is a major step in any relationship—romantic or platonic (NOTE: I actually spelled platonic correctly this time). Much like The Real World, sharing living quarters is when people stop being polite and start being real. If you really want to know someone; just try living with them. People can keep up appearances in the beginning, but over time their true colors will show. If your partner (or roommate) likes to leave the shower curtain open, leaves dishes in the sink, throws clothes on the floor or drinks OJ straight out the carton, it’ll all be clear once they get comfortable in your shared space.

I had the distinct pleasure of living in sin with my college girlfriend and there were many quirks—ranging from her fascination with The Golden Girls and how much space in the bathroom shaving one’s legs takes. While I enjoyed the many perks of having in-house booty, I also have a greater appreciation for my personal space as a result of shacking up. I will say this though, playing house definitely heightened the relationship and allowed for a certain level of emotional intimacy that I haven’t experienced since.

Although I always planned for my next roommate to be my wife, major life changes like getting laid off and hustlin’ checks can alter anyone’s plans. I can’t even front like the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, but I know I like living alone and don’t have any potential roommate prospects anyway. However, for those that have been following the economy-fueled relationship frenzy, shacking up is a viable option.

My homeboy Robert recently moved in with his girlfriend after getting laid off. They’ve actually been dating for a while so it wasn’t just a move of convenience, but cutting your bills in half is a definite bonus. It makes sense when you’re at a point in your relationship where you’re always over at your mate’s house or vice versa. Why blow well over a grand on rent, electric and cable bills you’re not even there to enjoy when you can split it with your boo? Maybe I’m wrong, but I got a feeling more and more people will start saying, “Wanna go half on the rent, baby?”

If the economy keeps going down the drain it won’t just be couples splitting expenses. Even though Queen Latifah’s ’90s sitcom was called Living Single, none of her crew actually lived alone. It was all about cutting costs on the cost of living by sharing apartments. I could be wrong about my little theory, but as I keep hearing about more people falling in love and getting laid off, I got a feeling that ’09 and beyond will be the era of the shack (up) attack.

Have any of you ever lived with someone you were dating? Did the experience help or hurt the relationship? What pet peeves did you discover once y’all shacked up? Would you ever live with someone again that wasn’t your husband or wife? Given the economy, has anyone contemplated living with someone romantically or platonically for the single folks? How long should you date someone before you give serious consideration to living together? Or do you think people should wait until marriage before living together?

Speak your piece…

living-together

UPDATE: The Girlfriend Bailout Plan

Tagged as: couples, home, house, living together, love, recession, roommate

Holly GoLightly

I've always known of people living together in NYC just to afford the rent on a nicer spot period- with or without a recession... But I agree - more people will be considering "shacking up" sin style with financials in mind given the current state of bs. But while it might make economical sense - it really depends on where you are in your relationship. Living with someone is serious imo and has to be decided upon for other reasons than just cold cash.
LL

I did it twice..........and it was not a good experience in either case........wait, I lie, "ONE" of the situations was actually beneficial to "ME"..........he paid all the bills and we were a couple, besides the fact that our relationship was turning sour, it was good for me....

I saved a crap load of money,

Now, would I do it for solely economic reasons?

Yes, I would probably do it with someone that was a Platonic friend moreso than just someone I was dating........unless a certain level of trust was established.

Hey, people are already doing the room mate thing and for many people its working out(they used to do that back in the day).....

I would do it in a heartbeat if I trust that person.........

Not sure if today, I trust anyone that much.
July

Well where I am the global economic crisis hasnt had too much of an adverse effect on our economy as that of the US so cant comment on that but I dont think I could do the whole shacking up thing, was brought up to believe that no man should ever get the milk for free under any circumstances and I would assume that means a recession too lol. Living together in my eyes is just a bad idea coz the man gets all the perks and advantages that come with a live in situation without any of the accompanying responsibility or commitment that comes with marriage. You cook, clean, pick up after him and all that jazz but he could just as easily walk out coz he has nothing solid to keep him there. I dont know maybe Im just a pessimist.
EmotionalFunk

Oh wow even though I've done it before and swore I'd never do it again. I would consider it with the right person, honestly they way the economy is now I'd consider it, it would sure make my money go farther, ahh...but really I so don't want to share my space right now, lol.
All EyEz

thanks for the correction/ note...as I would have been more focused on trying to figure out if the joke was on me than the actual topic LOL
Roommates can be enough drama as is, adding in romantic issues would just be 2 much! Rent for 1br in philly $760, internet/cable $60, utilities $50....PEACE OF MIND....priceless, after somebody drives u bonkers ask yourself how much you would have paid for your sanity....(I also believe a man aint buying a cow if he drinking plenty of milk for free, shacking up is not the key 2 a stronger/healthier relationship)
Elle

I haven't really noticed people getting into relationships more than they usually do. Neither are people in my circle "shacking" up faster than normal.

However, I do know that more and more folks are getting into roommate situations, even well into their late 30s, 40s or 50s. Maybe I'm closed minded but roommates are for students in my version of the universe. I can't seem myself living under the same roof with basically strangers. Not my cup of tea. Unless I love somebody due to family ties, a deep friendship or romance, I am not willing to tolerate that person's ways. My tolerance for BS is equal to zero.

It is totally understandable though. Times are tough. While salaries have been stagnant (at best), costs are increasing by the minute it seems.

After having shacked up with my ex, I decided never again unless my last name changed. It's just something I wouldn't do another time around. Not because it was so horrible living with him. No. Not at all. Simply because I am not willing to wash a man's dirty boxers, cook his meals and cater to his needs without the "benefits" of marriage - if that's what you want to call it.
LL

I think we all wouldn't want to do it, the key thing here is, if your finances were in shambles or your work situation changed drastically.

Some of us would rather do that than the homeless shelter........or go with a family member.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ July & @ Elle

Why is the automatic assumption that living together equates that the woman devolves into a maid upon sharing space with a man? Isn't it 2009 and the idea living TOGETHER? Not sure what dudes either of you have dealt with in the past or know now, but if they were all under the assumption that a live-in girlfriend is to clean up after you then I see why you;d be opposed.

I been washing my own draws/drawers since I was like 12 and don't want anyone else doing that for me. I also been cooking for myself for well over a decade so I don't need anyone coming in to play waitress. Every once in a while or alternating is fine, though. LOL

But my main query is why is the thinking that the woman gets the short end of the tick in a live in situation?
soulfulbbw

I have to say I'm actually Glad you touched bases on people living together. I've Lived with plenty of Friends but just a week ago My boyfriend and I started "Shacking up" in a since i'm Happy but at the same time my father is a Pastor so I have to go through the speech of me living in Sin. But he solely told me " This is your Life".

Mostly the move was because we wanted to take a new step in our lives because we will be getting married soon, but I can't say that it wasn't for another cash flow as well because truely without my bf, Getting to work would be an obstical every week. So its gonna have it's good and Bad points to moving in but I'm willing to Deal.
moonstarz

I've lived with a boyfriend before and after that I decided that they next time I live with a man he'll be my husband. I moved in with that man one month before we were married.

Even now that I am separated, the next time I live with a man he will have to be my husband because I am a mom now and my children should not witness mommy dating. I also don't feel that they need to be introduced to a man unless we are heading down the aisle. I am afraid of seriously dating altogether especially because I have a daughter. I am completely happy remaining single at this time.

My mom was a single mom and the only man that had ever lived with us was my youngest brother's father and they had a 7 year relationship. Anyone else, I never saw when I was a tween and by the time I was in my late teens, I didn't care.

Right now I do have a roommate, she's like my sister. We are both in school and it's a really nice situation.

Shacking up though is totally fine with me, whatever works for others. I don't think marriage should have to be a stipulation because there are people who are just in LTR's who stay together longer than married folks. If it works in your situation, do it.
Litabia

@ July

I kinda understand where you are coming from and agree as well.

I have had two roommates and I have shacked up with my current boyfriend. We are still trying to work out our relationship but I moved out almost a year ago. You find out about a person when ya'll live together and I just got tired of playing house so I left. You either want to marry me or you don't get the perks of playing house. He always tell me how he want me back but not willing to do what it takes.

I will consider living with another person (roommate) but I doubt it very much that I will ever shack up again.
luvisshe

The economy is definitely forcing people to think creatively in order to make ends meet. I recently heard a story of a women and her new husband moving in with her ex-husband due to unemployment and lower wages. This may seem a bit ackward to some but it works for them.

In my opinion it is a must to live with a person before marriage. If you can see your relationship heading towards that level you may want to test out lliving together. Not being on one accord when it comes to combining personal space can make or break a relationship. Its better to know exactly what your working with in every aspect before you make that final step.
July

@NWSO

Well from what I have seen in the shacked up relationships around me that is what happens. You may be the renaissance man but the majority of dudes around these here parts just aren't like that.

I think the argument that a woman in a live in situation gets the short end of the stick holds some water. Traditionally women are seen as the home makers and once guys get into a live in situation they tend to take on those traditional views no matter how enlighten they may claim to be. So a guy who has been picking up after himself etc etc suddenly doesnt know how to switch on the stove, the directions to the laundry basket or what that thing that emits heat so your clothes don't look wrinkled is called.

So yeah in essence a guy will have booty on tap and a live in maid and chef for free. Now as for what benefit the female in the situation gets from that I don't know...someone to open the jar of peanut butter when you can't, kill the spider lurking in the corner of the shower?...somehow I think the benefits are heavily in favour of the man in this situation.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@July

Maybe I'm naive but I'd figure a simple conversation would avoid all that. Babe, you handle electric bill, I'll handle cable. You pay rent this month, I got next. This week is your laundry week, next week is mine. I'll cook every other night, you take the others and we'll go out on the extra night. etc. As with any relationship, romantic or other, communication is key.
Shay

I am married and I made a promise to myself that if I ever get divorced that I will NEVER, NEVER, EVER live with or marry another person again....yes, its just that awful!!!
Mimi in the OC

@July and Elle

I feel the same way: I will move in when we are getting married, there is no other option in mind.
k-Love

Shacking up is the worst. My son's father and I lived together for 4 years before my son was born. And it was the worst part of my life, except the sex. Its there for the taking. But as far as his bad habits and just be trifling, it was the worst experience. Its like saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Point being you can't start anything you won't finish, like cooking every day and you both have jobs, or doing laundry alone while he lays on the couch scratching his ass. you are doing all the duties of a wife but he has not making an effort to make you his wife. you probably have a ring, but its not an engagement ring. It just sucks to me. I only want to do those things for my husband, and even then i have learned that I wont start anything I can't finish. That ish is for the birds. I would completely down grade my lifestyle before I shack up again. When i move in with anyone it will be my husband. In fact, we are going to buy the house together, decorate together, everything will be done together including the cooking, the cleaning and the laundry.
da ThRONe

@ July and Elle

Whats the difference between cleaning up for your boyfriend or husband? If you dont wanna clean up behind a grow ass nigga dont. The status of your relationship shouldnt effect what you will do and wont do.
k-Love

excuse all the typo's got a little to excited about this topic. I have been singing the blues from that relationshi for the past 2 years. My my new man thinks like me. We rather wait ,then when we are married, we will have time to learn to love the others flaws, or at least learn to tolerate them. With shacking up, there is a revolving door where you can leave when you please. And no one is leaving me with a shytt load of bills again and i would hate to leave the other in that situation. But being married is an obligation, you are obligated to handle your business for you and your partners well being. We are signing the dotted line together.
da ThRONe

Lets face it "its cheaper to keep her" LOL

I only shacked up once. The experience was nice sure it had its up's and down's but there were a lot more up's IMO. I did the majority of cooking(if you wanna call it that) and cleaning. I loved her and it never felt like work. I never felt like I was force to be around her I loved coming home to a person who I thought was the greatest person in the world(boy was I wrong)! She was more then my girlfriend she was my BFF minus the last F.

So if your shacking was a bad shacking maybe it was just the wrong person. Or most likely you are the wrong person. Once again it comes down to people being selfish. If you cant share your space then whats the point of being in a relationship? To often where only concerned about how we feel and what we're losing to appreciate what it is we gain.

@July

Thats whole "cow cliche" is whats wrong with women today. Nobodies buying anybody! Your vagina is not an item on ebay waiting for a bid. Why would any female get with a dude if she didnt think he was serious about her?

@Elle

Relationships with anybody platonic or intimate requires tolerance. We all do dumb things in other people eyes. If you cant have tolerance for people why should anybody have tolerance when you do something retarded?(cause we all do)
da ThRONe

@NWSO

For the record Max from living single was living by herself! LOL

@K-love

You dont have to be married to make a person responsible. And it goes two ways. When my girlfriend decide to break my heart(that bitch) the apartment was in her name so I had to bounce!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Da Throne

Touche on Max from Living Single actually living single.. been a minute since I seen the show
July

@ da throne

The difference comes with the forever part (or at least the intention for the forever part lol), you know the ring, the certificate...the promise that Im yours till death do us part thats the difference.

And it must be a big difference hence why some if not most men are commitment phobic. Like K-love said shacking up is like a revolving door where one can leave as they wish and I am not much of a fan of working like a servant, picking up after a man as if I am his mother who isnt my husband someone who gets all the joy and none of the sweat. If I am good enough to scrub the floors as your girlfriend then heck I should be good enough to do it as your wife.
da ThRONe

@July

Most marriages are revolving door now-a-days! A relationship is based on faith. If you dont have the trust/faith factor you are already in trouble.

Besides if you dont wanna do something you shouldnt do it period. I would never expect my wife or girlfriend to do something she hates to do.
July

@ da throne

Touche! However I am pretty sure women are not treating their virginas as an item up for auction more that the majority of men would rather have a joy ride than put in the work and effort that comes with maintaining a healthy relationship.

I would assume that when women religiously quote the whole "cow cliche" they are not just refering to sex but rather to putting in time, effort and hard work into a relationship with a man who is absolutely loving it but has no intention to return the favour or at least do so in the long run.

I've said it before commitment phobs aren't just an urban legend but that doesnt stop them from letting the good times roll now does it?
Lonias

"Not to take the romance out of things but..."
Too late!
LOL
Miche

Okay i was off the mind that it's good to live with your boyfriend but boy was i wrong...i tried it out last year; it did not work AT ALL......i found myself taking over the reponsibility of cooking and cleaning and in the end i felt like nothing but a maid - (im african, african boyfriend) - Yes, this doesnt happen in every situation where people shack up together but i do think it is a bad idea

i think once you cross that boundary then things such as marriage become a little less valueless - but utimately just like most things in life it comes down to your indvidual situation and your individual relationship - theres no mold out there that is a one size fits all and thats my issue with long standing traditions - but thats a rant for another day
MzThickWitIt

@ everyone

NWSO: Great Topic

I personally have shacked up with a significant other, and recently with a platonic friend. Both were ok experiences, like anyone else I like having my own space, but times are tough now and I did find some economic relief by sharing my space with my friend it worked out for both of us and we both were able to save some money up...

When I shacked up with my Significant other again it was an ok experience and contrary to the beliefs of July he did most of the cleaning and cooking, I'm not sure if it was because I was the primary bread-winner or because he was a clean freak...but at the end of the day it took a major load off my sholders both finicially and with managing the household like "da throne" said its all about tolerance. WIN-BREAK OR LOSE its all about TOLERANCE

**that's my 2 cents!**
Anonymous

LOL @ Da Throne...you have some fantastic points man!
Miche

And to further add to my post - once you do finally get married to the chosen one - you view your marriage in the same manner as your other "practice relationships" because basically its the same thing, it seems a little bit less sacred - the only difference is the rock on your finger and once that happens , the exit door is easier to find
EmotionalFunk

Hmm you know the more I think about it if I were to live together with a boyfriend I not sure I'd be doing "our" laundry or "the" cleaning. Considering we not married and still roommates so to speak. I seems it would be absolutely rude IMO to dump your laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc on the other person don't you think?
Your not supposed to burden them and heavy their workload and monopolize their time its a little selfish sort of. You know life still goes on and we all have so many responsibilities like school, work, friends. Maybe that's why there is such a high likely hood LTR's don't lead to marriage because a lotta people looks at is as like free services instead of co and still independent. I guess living together isn't all that if you pick the wrong partner.
da ThRONe

@July

I understand some dudes can have a tendency to shy away from commitments(not me I love'em LOL). But that doesnt give you the right to half-ass it in the relationship. Its like playing basketball go hard or go home. You have every right to screen your potential mate as hard as you want ,but after you choose him and vice versa you should be given each other your all. You shouldnt fall in love after you get married you should be there before. Most dude I know with commitment phob's are afraid that the female will change and stop doing all the things she did that made him fall in love.
Elle

@NWSO

Well, the automatic assumption stems from experience. Yes, all these guys used to do their own laundry and maybe even cooked their own meals. But just like July said, once they live with a woman they seem to lose the abilities they once possessed and practiced on a regular basis. And let’s be real: are you telling me you’re gonna insist on doing your own laundry when I’m already doing mines? You are going to say: “No honey, leave my stuff in the hamper, I’ll do it later”? Right! Can you imagine the cost for electricity and water for twice the wash load?

Yes, it is 2009. And yes, the idea is to live together. But the annoying house hold chores end up being the woman’s responsibility – in 99% of the cases. As a matter of fact, my fiancé actually thought I ENJOY cleaning. I was getting ready to rip his head of for that one. WTH? Enjoy cleaning? I don’t know which pills he was on but it took me quite some time to convince him that I do not clean because it is my favourite past time but because I need clean surroundings in order to feel comfortable at home.

It is the short end of the stick, because on a daily basis it feels as though the women are putting forth more effort. Yea, men repair things and can carry heavy items. But unfortunately, my stuff doesn’t break all that often. Neither do my heavy items need carrying around a lot. I apologize if I make it sound as if men don’t have much to contribute. Au contraire. Coming home to somebody who cares about me and how my day was is priceless. Going grocery shopping together is actually fun as opposed to having to do it on my own. Having somebody check the fuse in the basement I am still terrified of as if I was a little girl is something I would not want to trade.

I guess at the end of the day it is some sort of bitterness speaking when I say I wouldn’t shack up unless I get married. I was in a LTR with a guy for 6 years and when he decided to up and leave because I didn’t fit into his new lifestyle it was almost as if the 6 years never happened. He could just leave. No consequences. No sharing things we acquired together. Nothing. Call me crazy but I felt I wasted 6 years on what seemed like something but really was nothing. Never again.

Communication is good and well. But I don’t believe any couple would stick to dividing chores up the way you described. Bills being shared is one thing and should be common practice in my book. Chores being shared on the other hand? I have never seen it happen. For some reason it is always one person doing them – whether it is the woman or the man.

@Da Throne

If I don’t clean up nobody will because from my experience men’s tolerance for chaos tends to be bigger than women’s. The status of our relationship determines my share of responsibility for the “premises”. If it is his apartment, I have no parts in it and no responsibility. Do as you please, I couldn’t care less. If I live with my husband, I am responsible for 50% of everything.

As far as tolerance goes, you are right. Every kind of human interaction requires tolerance from me. But I am only willing to dish out so much of it to people I don’t have emotional ties of some sort to. Living with somebody vs. working with somebody is a major difference and the amount of tolerance involved differs significantly. Since I don’t require anyone to tolerate my BS, I stay away from roommate scenarios.

As far as you not expecting your wife to do anything she doesn’t like doing: maybe I should marry you?!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Elle,

Well, I can only speak for myself. I was an only child for 10 years and have lived on my own for just about the same amount of time. When I lived with girl in college I was very aware of not wanting to go from living with my mama to living with another woman and never knowing how to be a self-sufficient man. So there were plenty of times I would actually refuse her doing my laundry or some other task, because I wanted to do for myself and not fall into a dependency role.

Sure we'd trade off on cooking dinner or washing dishes, but there were just somethings I wanted to do myself. Sure now if someone I was shacked up with was doing laundry and both our clothes were in the same hamper and asked to do mine I'd be open to it, you already rummaged through my dusty boxers. But I'd like to believe that I'd do the exact same thing in 2-3 weeks when I needed to do laundry or that while she's doing that that I'm cooking dinner.

But like I said I can only speak for myself
Elle

Marry me!
ladyaj

WOW! this topic is so on point because my man just moved in with me. We've been together a lil over a year. The main reason we got to this point is because of finances (mostly on his part).
Working part time but still getting full time bills was putting a strain on his pockets & as his partner I felt like I could help.
It's supposed to be temporary so we will see. I never thought I'd be one to agree to such an arrangement because of the way I was brought up that "shacking" is sin, but I guess that just goes to show that you never really truely know what you will do in a situation until you are actually in it!
da ThRONe

@Elle

Its funny you say that you remind me of the heartbreaking backstabbing lil hooker that I fell in love with(all the good things about her anyways lol). Sorry to go all Usher on you.

I agree it does seems like its always 1 person doing the cooking and cleaning ,but that doesnt mean it has to be that way.

Bottom line if a man really cares about you and ya'll relationship there isnt anything that he wont do! And if he doesnt than you should move on.
Elle

LoL ... Okayyyyyy ... is it a compliment when you say I remind you of the heartbreaking, backstabbing lil hooker you fell in love with???

*looking around in confusion*

My brother for example is the one doing all the cooking/cleaning because his wife comes up with all kinds of stupid excuses why she can't. Blah! And the idiot (sorry "lil" bro) let's her lazy ass get away with it. Pft!
da ThRONe

@Elle

Its the highest compliment I can give! LOL

There wasnt a feeling better I have experienced yet that matched how I feltwhen making that girl feel good. It gave me a blissful feeling to know she was feeling the same because me. Thats when I knew I was in love!
Hope2Star

Interesting topic...don't know where I stand, I go back and forth on the whole shacking up thing. (although at 11 i almost gave my dad a heart attack at red lobster when I informed him that I thought living together would be a good idea for my first real relationship HAHAH) But if it works for you go for it!

BTW not to nitpick it was called Living Single because they were all single ladies (cue beyonce ha)
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Hope

I know they were all women AND men living single, but I wasn't insinuating that their living arrangements was the basis for the show name. Rather a play on words that while they may have been living single (lifestyle) they weren't actually living single (home).

so there
Anonymous

i dont see the difference in maintaining my home, and doing house chores with a engagement/wedding ring on my finger and without one.

Sorry im jus not convinced and document and a ring, is whats gonna keep a man from leaving me.

my 2 cents...great topic Ans
Anonymous

and wat if all these nay-sayers of "shacking up" had 1st gotten married and then shacked up with there former partners...would they have felt obligated to stay simply because of the ring?
Mimi in the OC

@NWSO & Da Throne:
It seems to me that both of you are rather part of the exceptions than the majority of men.
Trust Elle and July, they are describing the most common reality for women in relationships.
So, considering those typical behaviors you have to see things in "Black and White" and be a little more radical...in my opinion.

@Elle & July:
Well said.
Mimi in the OC

On another note, coming back to Da Throne's previous argument that "men are afraid that a woman will start changing and not do the things that made them fall in love in the beginning".
My reaction is: I am tired of hearing that, I think it is a very LIMITED argument.

Ask yourself this:
- When people fall in love and remain married/together for years, do you think the success of their relationship remains on the fact that they both never changed? (NO)
- We all change in time, it's a reality. Circumstances change, we adapt. Example: Financial recession => More people willing to live together in order to lower costs.
- I would like to think that when you know somebody well enough even if that persons change, it will be a slight to moderate change, therefore you can put up with it. Unless they go through a drastic life-changing/ life-threatening/eye-opening experience, they most likely won't go from one extreme to another.
- Then if the person changed, shouldn't you start by questioning what made him/her change? Maybe it's YOU, maybe YOU changed and as a consequence she/he changed as well.

Maybe it's just me, but wanting out because somebody changed just sounds like nonsense to me.
The real question is how bad do you want it? Maybe not that bad.
And if you think it shouldn't be that hard, you're lying to yourself, because relationships require effort...I think.
da ThRONe

@Mimi

So what your saying is because everybody else is wrong some how Ans and I are wrong too?

I am a man of principle. Some things just come down to right and wrong. Its wrong to expect your companion to services you(unless its in the bedroom )

If your man doesnt do these things you probably should have a serious chat with him. And you may end up needing to split. Either both parties are giving there all or that relationship is a failure sorry there is no grey area there!
da ThRONe

@Mimi

I agree everybody changes. If you are the same person at 35 as you were at 15 there problems. But I know plenty of dude(me included) that settle down thinking a female had 1 personality only to find out she was playing a role just so I could establish feelings. And the minute they felt comfrontable the "real them" started to show. If July and Elle wanna bring up guys that expect maids as a reason feamles use not to shack I think thats mosts guys reason to not commitment. I dont argee but I know a lot of guys who feel that way.
Nicki

I understand that everyone needs to save money now, but I could not and would not live with anyone else but my child unless I'm married. I tried the roommate thing and also lived with my daughter's father. Neither worked out well. I honestly can say, I'm not a good roommate. Im pretty much a clean freak and like things to be done a certain way. I'm also very considerate, so that next roommate needs to be my husband.
LL

I thought this was about the recession and if your finances was in jeopardy.

Wrong blog.
Elle

Aww@da Throne's ultimate compliment

Thank you!!

Interestingly enough, I share the average man's fear of my partner changing dramatically because it happened to me once before. My ex did a 180 on me and became the complete opposite of who he was when I met him. Despite the fact he made me promise not to change at the beginning of the relationship (which is idiotic in itself but ok) he blamed me for not changing towards the end of it. Ahhh ... men make no sense!!!
Mimi in the OC

@ Da Throne

No I am not saying you guys are wrong, I just wanted to point out that what Elle and July described is a generalization that is true in many cases (probably most).
It's not true for you and NWSO, but I wanted to clarify why July, Elle and I reason the way we do on this particular topic (not move in until you're married/engaged).
Righteous Mama

See this issue is different for me entirely because I have children. I don't have a problem with living with a person, especially during hard times like this. The issue of who does the cooking and cleaning are small. The biggest thing is just making sure homeboy is responsible and keeps up his end of the bills.

But because I have children, I can't shack up. The next man I live with must be my husband. I feel it has to be this way for the sake of the values I want to teach my children about love, respect and honor. If it doesn't work out, I'm not tryna be running dudes in and out of my children's life like that.

It sucks a little. Because I'd actually really welcome living with someone right now. (the right someone of course)
Neex

I have to say I am in total agreement of Da Throne's comments.

I find it amazing how people think marriage is an instant cure to all ills of a relationship. Rates of divorce are higher than they've ever been, occurences of adultery, domestic/emotional abuse and general laziness and disrespectiful are prevalent in marriages as they are in relationships..

I don't see how cleaning up after someone when you are their girlfriend is totally unexceptable but is ok as a wife...

Yes, marriage does demonstrate a level of commitment that being someone's significant other does not. But as Da throne says, if you couldn't deal with what 'shacking up' with someone offers, then maybe this person is 'the' person for you!!
da ThRONe

@Elle

Ya'll I have heard some stories about CRAZY DERANGED brother! LOL

@Mimi

Ok I can understand that ,but as an adult its on you to set the record straight what you expect from living together.

@Righteous Mama

I can understand and respect why you dont want dudes running in and out of your crib even more so then ladies without kids. Know this if he loves you he loves everything about you. The debt that you built up, the traffic tickets you have and especially your children!

@Everybody!

I dont think that shacking up is due to finances is a good thing. You shouldnt rush it until the relationship is healthy enough to support cohabitation.
bogart4017

Living together was the first step my wife and i took before we got engaged. I would recommend it---not just for the financial(this was the early 80's and everyone had dough) but the sheer convience (she is absent-minded and will leave the stove on and the water running and go to bingo. Besides its nice to have a man/woman around the house and i never lived well with men for some reason (ok ok because i have a low tolerance for macho b.s,scatological humor, and braggadocio).
Anyway since we were pretty much ourselves dating there was no need to be on our best behavior at home. We lvd together for a year b4 getting engaged and stayed engaged for 3 yrs before we got married. For 22 yrs together we did pretty good...
kuntreethick

i am 33 years old and this is my first time living with someone. i must say, at times, it can be a challenge. however, i am happy i did. although my boyfriend have been together for a year, and living together for 6 months, there were certain things i didn't know about him. i enjoy getting to know this new person. i also live with him because i was always over and i actually enjoy being around him (can't say that about everyone i ever dated).
WaterLove

I waited until I was married to live with my SO. That was a promise I made to myself. I know of couples who lived together first, and eventually got married. I can see where it gives them the advantage of knowing how their partner lives first. But, like I said, it was a promise I made to myself. Because we waited until we were married, we did go through the whole "I didn't know you were like this" and "well I didn't know you were like that", but we are still here 9 years later
Spinster

I probably wouldn't live with a romantic partner unless we were married. I value my personal space. If I ever get married, goodness help that person........
mandy

I wouldn't mind shacking up for the bills. It would sure help during these hard times. Plus spending money on food, rent, gas, electric, cable, internet, etc. on one person is just down right stupid!

Hey a co-habitant sounds good right about now.