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Would You Stick By An Injured Lover?

Posted by NWSO • April 2, 2009 • Printer-friendly

The other day a reader left a comment on my post about great love stories that really made me think. She wrote about a guy she met online and fell real hard for. The entire year they dated, they were inseparable. Everything was picture perfect until he got into a serious car accident that left him brain damaged. She tried to make it work, but the fact that he couldn’t interact with her the same way he could before the accident made her feel like she was in a one-sided relationship. Eventually, she broke up with him, confessing, “My happiness is way more important than sustaining a relationship with someone who I felt I no longer knew.”

Wow! At first when I read that I was like, Damn, your happiness is more important? That’s coldblooded (said in Dave Chappelle as Rick James voice). But the more I though about it I was like who am I to judge this woman’s decision? (I beat you to the punch this time, Da Throne. LOL). I’m sure it was a tough decision for her to make and truthfully, I have no idea what I would have done in her shoes.

There are a lot of variables that have to be considered before I could make such a decision, like was I in love with this person? How long had we been dating? What kind of accident was it? Would this affect our physical relationship? Would I have to take care of this person for the rest of their life should I decide to stay? The list goes on and on.

Ultimately, I think my decision would come down to my personal feelings. There's a big difference between someone you’re emotionally attached to and someone you’re simply hanging out with. Of course, the decision-making process would be completely different if this was my wife we were talking about. If I vowed to stay by her side 'til death do us part, then I'll do everything within my power to stay true to that promise. But you never know what you’ll do when faced with true adversity. Even the most devoted husband could waver under the right wrong circumstances.

In the event that I decided to bounce on an injured lover because it was too much for me or whatever rationale I used, I’m sure guilt would lay heavy on my heart. Honestly, guilt would probably also be why I stuck by the side of someone I didn’t actually love wholeheartedly. I mean, can you imagine breaking someone's heart after suffering brain damage or losing a limb? No matter how you slice it that's gonna look foul in somebody's eyes.

But let's play devil's advocate. What if you were gonna break up with the person before the accident anyway? Is it still wrong to go? What if the person was abusive and this was your way out? Would you look down on someone for bouncing? What if this was the love of your life but you suddenly found yourself unable to stick by that person's side in their darkest hour? Would that make you a bad person? I'm really at a lost on this one, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. What would you do if your lover was injured? Ride it out or fly the coup?

**Speak your piece...

Tagged as: accident, amputee, love, til death do us part

http://www.honeygrip.blogspot.com Honeygrip

Absolutely. I would & could stay with my life partner through the darkest storm. I love them; not for their physical appearance-hell, sometimes despite it.

But if they were brain dead. I would love them enough to visit them often, take my children to see him and I would make sure my new lover understood my commitment to him
da ThRONe

There is a line where you give your life to another person(call it the point of no return) and once your there its for better or worst sickness and health. Im not just talking marriage because you should feel this way about a person before you get married not after(a point I always make).

If she hasnt reach that point then I feel she is free to go. But what that said I think it a lil low to abandon someone at they're greatest moment of need. I always felt like if you cant love me when I down then you cant love me when Im up.

But it way to hard to say somebody is wrong or shallow without getting into greater details!
da ThRONe

@NWSO

Its funny when I read her comment I was thinking the samething like "Damn she just abandon ole boy and it wasnt his fault"!

Hopefully she'll see this and explain the situation better.
Robin

I am in total agreement with the first two comments.... I usually always agree with "Da Throne" anyway.....despite the fact that he is as throwed off as I am.... LOL.... but here is my own personal take on it.
My husband of fifteen years died suddenly of a blood clot in his heart at the age of 41 almost three years ago. It was sudden and we had no warning, it couldn't have been stopped....God's plan some would say.
However if by some chance he had become ill with cancer of something terminal, there is no way in hell I would have walked away.
If he had been paralyzed, then I would naturally have been the one to care for him.
If her were in a coma or a vegetable and had no ability to function normally, I would stick by him. Now, that being said, suppose he were bed ridden in a coma or severely brain damaged, here is where I would compromise. I would most definitely care for him, keep my children connected to their father and do all of my duties as a wife. BUT, as far as having a life with out him, meaning sex, love , romance and all of that stuff, I think I would eventually have to do what I would have expected him to do if our roles were reversed.
I would figure out a way to eventually have a meaningful life with another man and make sure that my new mate understood that my injured/comatose etc.etc.etc. husband would have priority as far as being my responsibility.
I wouldn't have another man that wasn't empathetic enough to accept my devotion under those circumstances.......after all how could he expect me to give him my word if I break my word when things aren't wonderful and go terribly wrong.
I didn't get the chance to make a decision and my fate was sealed instantly, but knowing now how life can turn on you in a flash..... I know me and I know how strong I am.... I would figure out a way to deal.... I have had the unfortunate practice!!
Everybody is different and not everyone is strong enough for that, but it's not for me to say if they are wrong for tucking tail and running....They have to face themselves everyday, NOT me!
LL

Robin

Well said..........nothing left to add!
July

Wow this one is a real toughie. I dont think I could do it, if he has brain damage I do not think I could. Maybe I am selfish but then again being selfish and self preservation are first cousins. Let me give this some thought...
Elle

Well, well, well ... Doberman Pinschers have been bred to walk by their owners side, defend his/her life at the risk of losing their own and generally spend their life in total loyalty. One of the reasons I own a dog of said breed is because I can relate to their mind set. I am loyal to default sometimes.

I don't know what the original poster meant by "someone I felt I no longer knew". It would be interesting to find out what exactly constituted this statement because it may very well change one's perspective on things.

Other than that, I would stick it out and have in the past. My ex - yea the infamous ex I keep talking about - suffered from severe mental issues and flipped out at one point, trying to commit suicide while on the phone with me (I could have used a shrink after that and probably still do). To this day, I don't know exactly what happened but the battery of his cell phone died and the next thing I knew was that he was missing for months. I tried calling several police departments and hospitals, contacted churches in the area because I wasn't sure which one he had frequented and so on. Nothing. 3 months of not knowing what had happened to him when he called his mom from the mental ward of a hospital (one of the damn hospitals I had called btw!!!). He went through therapy of all sorts and I was there. He changed into somebody I didnt know and I was there. I figured I could get to know his new self and maybe even grow from that myself. Wrong! Ol' boy felt as though I didn't fit into his new life anymore and broke up with me. On my birthday, I may add (even though I'm at peace with the story I am still pissed about the fact it was my birthday, as you can tell...arggg!).

That's ok though. I would do everything exactly the same way if I was put into such a situation again. It is just me to stick things out with people I love because I was raised like that. My mom always told me "No matter where you are, what you do, whether you are a murder or a thief, I will always be your mother and I will always have your back." Not that I was heading down that path, but it felt good knowing that somebody would be there no matter what. And as much as I do not want to be like my mother, I admire her sense of loyalty and have grown up to be like her (at least in that department).

Or it's cause I'm a Pisces and these horoscopes are true when calling us frigging Mother Theresas by nature.
Elle

typo alert: murderer
distinguishedgentlewoman

My ex is bipolar. And I would have stuck with him to the end, had it not been for the fact that my health and well being were being compromised. He told me about his illness early into our relationship, and I decided to stick it out because I was beginning to really care about him. What I didn't know, however, was that he was not taking his meds, and a few months into our relationship he had a really bad "episode" and ended up in the hospital. When he came out, it was like he was a baby and I the attentive parent: He was terrified of being alone, so I more or less moved in with him for a few months; I made sure he took his meds; went to the doctor with him; and made sure he ate right. He eventually got his life and health back on track, but his controlling Leo personality began to clash with my free-spirited Aquarian and we broke up. I was an emotional basket case by the time we broke up. And I felt that if I didn't leave, I would end up in the hospital.

A few months later, we decided to give it another try. I thought things would be different. What I didn't know was that he had stopped taking his meds again. I finally realized what was going on when he started becoming physical with me when he felt he couldn't get me to see things his way. This was a gentle guy, I could never, ever imagine that he would raise a hand to me. But it happened on three occasions. The third time we were on the streets, and when he raised his hands to slap me, I totally forgot about his illness and was prepared to fight back. But something stopped him dead in his tracks, and he walked away. Right there and then, on those NYC streets, I decided I was not gonna become an emotional or physical punching bag for him. I would have done anything for him, anything except sacrifice my life. Who knows what would have happened the fourth time, but I sure as hell wasn't gonna stick around to find out.
YoungJay

Unfortunately we dont know this girls whole story...I get the feeling she left parts out. I think to each his/her own tho.... I live by the saying "All I have in this world is My Word and My Balls and I dont break them for nobody" (Al Pacino as Tony Montana Voice lol). If I commit to someone no matter what happens Im not running for the hills.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Da THrone,

For the record, I'm not go at the sister that commented. She just made me think about what I/we would do in a similar situation. She did what she did and I can understand. Like I said, I can't say I wouldn't bounce either. The "cold blooded" remark was just my initial response, but it went away cause who's to say I wouldn't dip.

@Elle

I believe what she meant by "someone I didn't know" was that because of the brain damage it changed his personality and he couldn't be the same person she knew, thus making him a stranger mentally.
Seriously, No Seriously

I'm in the field of help others so it would be a terrible thing if i couldnt help the one i love. Like someone else said I would figure out a way to be happy along with helping my mate. I know I would be sad and miss the "old" them if their personality or physical ability changed but I would still be there, if they wanted me to be. We forget that some people reject support of a loved one as they adjust to their new life!
Tania

It's so funny that I read your blog today. I was just talking to my guy about this same issue. I feel like if you truly deeply love someone. Then it really doesnt matter what happens. It really all depends on the person.
Simone

I would have to agree with Robin. Also, if it was someone that I was leaving or an abusive partner - I would still go.
K-Love

I'm not sure how I would handle it. I for one give my all to my mate, so if he ever becomes ill or has an accident that leaves him in a coma or his brain was severely damaged, I would have to be woman enough to hold him down in his time of need. But this will require a lot of prayer and paitence as with any situation this will frustrate you and stress you out even more because the person that you are in love with needs you more than anything, but you also feel a sense of obligation to your own life. Whether if he's and asshole or not,I would still feel obligated to do what i have to do for him. Even if i was preparing to leave prior to the incident, I would feel that he needs me. I would stay until I am no longer needed or there is nothing else I could do, even then, i would still be there. If I am truly in love with this man, I would have tunnel vision. I would have no time for another man, until the one GOD put in my life is better. If I am in love, I would do what I need to do no matter how long it takes.
Like Whoa

My girls still with me LOL, it's all about the thick and the thin, rock and a hard place etc.
Nikki J

I agree with most of the sentiments above. I couldn't imagine just up and leaving BUT I haven't been faced with that situation and God willing I never will.

There is a big difference between your man missing a finger or having a huge limp or not being to "get it up" all the time than him being TOTALLY dependant of you even for his regular daily routines like bathing and using the bathroom. It totally effects your life.. how you plan events, where you live, what job you have etc.

We have to be honest and think about these things before we cast harsh opinions.

With all that said... I don't think (God can change things) I'd stay indefinitely if my man was brain dead. But that doesn't mean that the conversation would be "Nikki, Rasul is brain dead and in my professional opinion he will not ever regain his ability to function as he was prior to the incident," said Dr. Finkles Nikki exclaims, "Omg. That is really sad. Do you know a fast and good divorce attorney?"
ladyaj

This topic reminds me of an episode of House where 1 of the partners got sick and needed a kidney and the other lover sacrificed her kidney. The catch was the lover who needed the kidney had planned on breaking up with her lover but then got sick. And to top it off the lover KNEW her partner was gonna break up with her but gaver her the kidney anyways!

We don't know how we would react to a situation until we are faced with it ourselves. As usual things are easier said than done. I'd like to have faith in myself to believe that I would stick with my partner when he was up the same as if he were down.
I agree with Robin very much (my condolences by the way) that I would take care of my partner as best I could but realize that life goes on & to find a partner willing to deal with my situation.
lady may

This is a tough one. God forbid something tragic like that were to happen, I can definitely see myself remaining loyal and being there to care for him. But I think eventually, I might need someone there in all capacities. I think it depends on the severity of the injury. You see, Superman lost all use of his limbs but his mind was still intact. If he were to become brain dead from that horse-riding accident- I'm sure things would have been different between them. Sex is not everything, but being able to talk, share, and relate is a huge part of what keeps it going even if the physical aspect is lost.

I believe relationships- especially love relationships is about growing together and relating. If you can no longer do that because only a shell of that person remains- where is the growth? It seems unfair to both parties to remain just out of a sense of obligation. If it were me, I would not want my significant other to limit himself- although he may still have affection & love for me. In a perfect world- everyone would stay, but we are not perfect. Some people are built for that type of crisis and change- but most are not. You can still love that person and take care of them- but water seeks its own level. I think going from being equal in most capacities to one of you caring for the other as if they were a child or an elderly person definitely creates a need for someone who does not require that amount of caretaking. It doesn't mean the love is any less.
http://musiquespoetry.blogspot.com Hershey’s Kiss

I think it would depend for me. I couldn't say at the moment. At first I did look down on sister girl for leaving dude. If the person is truly the love of her life then she should have at least been willing to make things work in which she was. I guess it depends on the level of intimacy as well. I'm a young buck so I can't really put much input in. I know if it was me I would be there to help them and support them because you never know how God could heal that person or that the situation could be reversed.
Shay

It is so funny that you bring this up. My husband and I were talking about it the other day. We both agreed that if the other became a quadriplegic we would put them in a nursing home. If either of us were in a coma, the other will move on as if they never existed. If one of us was dying, we would stick with each other, hope for a quick death and cash in on the life insurance.
Soulyn

well...I was hesitant in commenting on that particular post. But I still put it out there. He and I were together for a little over a year. We had a great relationship. I wished he woulda lived on his own, but that didn't stop me from dating him. We were inseparable, yada, yada, yada...Spoke everyday about everything. Had plans of moving in together.

Yes I loved him but we weren't married. Nor did I feel obligated to stay with him. I didn't feel like I had to stay in the relationship. I stayed because I wanted to at the time.

My ex was in a coma for 17 days. Doctors didn't know whether or not he would make it. I was at his side every other day after work and every weekend. This is when I really got to know his family(not good). For 2 months I was traveling back and forth from Long Island and Bklyn(I don't have a car). Why, because I loved him and wanted him to know he had my support. On the 17th day, he woke up and I wasn't there. His parents didn't want anyone to see him because apparently he didn't want anyone seeing him that way. Fine. As soon as I got the call from his sister (a few days later) I was on that LIRR to see my man. Without knowing what to expect, I thought he wouldn't remember me. I was wrong. (I so remember the details of our first encounter post coma) He remembered everything about me. Once he was transferred to rehab(further in LI, 2 hours each way from BK), and regained use of his cell phone and called or text me wondering when I was going to see him, I felt we were moving in a better place. His speech was effected, suffered short term memory loss, along with re-learning to walk again, (after rehab, he was doing well and appeared to be fine, physically) His recovery was rapid.

I didn't know the severity of his brain injury until he left the hospital/rehab. That's when I really saw the effects. I don't know if I'm wrong or right, but I think the accident was the universe's way of letting me know he and I shouldn't be together.

I live in BK and continued commuting to LI to visit him at home (where he lives with his mother). Once he began driving again, I thought things would return to somewhat "normal". I was wrong. He went everywhere and with everyone else, except with me. I didn't even get a phone call to say hi, how are you?, when are you coming to see me? Or I'm coming to see you, etc.... Maybe I was stuck in the past and thought things would be fine. I felt stupid and no longer felt apart of his life. The chemistry between us wasn't the same. Sex def wasn't the same. There was a lot more aggression(over all behavior), selfishness, and each time I felt used. Of course I shared my feelings with him. After a while I began feeling like a broken record. And he was a brick wall. He saw the changes in our relationship but I don't think he understood nor was he capable of understanding (maybe not at that time). Looking back, I just wanted to feel like I was a part of his life. I don't know if I was being selfish, nor was I asking for too much. But this was not the man I knew. I began dealing with sleepless nights, and anxiety attacks (which I've never suffered from). After multiple conversations with a friend of his (who also saw changes in him) and my family, who loved him, I was battling with thoughts of breaking up. At that point, it didn't matter that he suffered an injury because he had a lot of support and clearly didn't seem like he cared whether or not we were together. My health and happiness had to come first. (Selfish..maybe, until that point I was selfless) Why should I compromise my happiness? Communication barely existed unless I initiated it. I was more so in disbelief of what our "relationship" had come to. Feelings of resentment began filling my heart and I knew it was time to leave. I LOVE YOU WAS NOT ENOUGH.

It hurts to this day but I think it was for the best. I call once in a while to see how's he's doing. I left out a lot of details because it's just too much to get into.

For months I asked myself was it me? His injury? Or he no longer cared about "us". I was willing to work it out with him but didn't feel my feelings were reciprocated.

Maybe that's the way it was supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason. Who knows..he might be better off with someone who knows him as he is now.
Litabia

I would like to think I would stick it through with my man if he was injured and it was life altering. However, I do not know what I would if the situation actually was reality.
Elle

@Soulyn

Thank you for sharing your story with us! I really appreciate it.

Not that it matters, but I think you did the right thing from all I can read here. It sounds as if he left you (emotionally speaking) before you actually left him. We can't force our love and support on people who do not want it.
Mami

My case is a little different. I was marry to my ex-husband for 15 years. He started to go down hill with a lot of health issue for about 6 years. He end up having 7 heart attacks in those 6 years. One of the reason for those attack was due of him not stop smoking, abusing alcohol, and eating the wrong foods. He didn't take meds all the time or kept Doctor appointments. This was another form of emotional manipulation. All of these factors play such a havoc on the marriage and with all of the different meds and medical conditions cause a lack in the bedroom. He didn't care about dying and would continue to through that up in my face. So in this case I say NO, because of the emotional strong hold a partner can have over you mentally. If that person have done all he or she can do and things was cause from a terrible car wreck, then yes stick by that person and love them to the end....
da ThRONe

@Soulyn

Thank you! I would have done the same thing. I think mental changes are way more difficult to get over than physical ones. Im not sure you should have to deal with somebody shit if your not committed to that person.

My first reaction was based off your 1st brief comment.
da ThRONe

@Mami

My question is did he start smoking and drinking before you got married? And if so why would you marry him when you knew he was like that? We are just as responible for the people we marry as we are ourselfs thats why marriage is such a big deal.
July

This is an extremely difficult topic to tackle. What makes it so difficult is when one thinks of their S.O and the life they are meant to spend which each other, pain and struggle at such an intense level as brain damage do not really enter the picture perfect day dream they have for themselves. Whether to stay or go is also heavily influenced by feelings of guilt as well as the public perception of you, people are very good at throwing stones in a glass house and that never helps in making an already difficult situation easier.

I do not think it makes someone a bad person for leaving and I also do not think it makes someone necessarily weak either, it is simply what they felt was best for them as I can only imagine the mental and emotional anguish that this situation must put one through and maybe just maybe if we were to look at it from a slightly different perspective maybe it shows a lot of strength not to buckle under the pressure and guilt to stay but instead leave.

I especially think if you had already planned to leave then just go through it, you will only resent them in the long run for having ‘emotionally blackmailed” you into staying. I would assume that if you guys had a history and love between you guys before you intended to break up with your S.O, you can still love the person and support them through the tough times but not necessarily as their partner.
mine jaz

sometimes ppl have to choose the lesser of two evils... then there are the times wen u have to chose between u and someone else, and on some real sh** nobody understands and will take care of ur best interest like u..
gorrillakillamofo

once there was a couple in love. the man begged the girl to marry him one day but she said to him if i could one day see again one day an look at the world an all it's beauty i would marry you. 2 weeks later she was given a a generous donation. she was given a set of eyes to see.. she saw the man who she loved an promised to marry.. but he was blind... she told him know that she could see she could not marry someone that was blind.. the man left in tears with a broken heart.. one day she recieved a letter from him that simply said... take good care of your eyes my dear for you see before they were yours they belong to me......
Anonymous

I read the comments by Soulyn and distinguishedgentlewoman . First Soulyn, thank you so much for sharing your story. It helped a lot with understanding your position and you really did not hae to explain yourself. thank you.
Reading both comments and working in the mental health field myself I commen you both.
With distinguishedgentlewoman , when she said he ex told her he was bipolar early into the relationship i thought wow she must have really loved him or had no idea the extent of dealing with someone with a mental illness. I think da throne said it , with the mental changing makes it harder. I have patients everyday in the hospital because they stopped taking their medication. A lot of these things are easy to live with if medicated properly but they never stay on the meds. It's like a broken record and an emotional beatdown for anyone involved whether its a friend or family member. If i had a man tell me he was bipolar there's no way on God's green earth i could stick it out. Moreso because i know how much of a toll it takes and how draining it is. Again distinguishedgentlewoman i commend you cause i would have immedialtly scared off.
with the physical issues i would try to stay and be as active as possible. with the mental the only thing i could work with is depression. Addicts are just as emotionally draining
http://onlyoneblackdaria.blogspot.com black daria

hmmm...

last summer I found a lump in my arm, and it turned out to have cancerous cells in it after an initial outpatient surgery...my boyfriend at the time was the first person I called when I realized that I had no clue what I was about to go through.

After multiple tests, doctors and long waits at the doctor's office, I found out I'd have to get yet another surgery, this time they would need to take a piece of a muscle that was near the tumor in order to ensure that no cancer had touched any part of my body, although it had been enclosed in this tumor.

long story short, i realized my mother was going to more appointments than he went to...and he always had an excuse. the night i came home i cried for hours...he listened, but didn't offer up much advice, beyond saying he would be there for me.

but the next morning, he asked me why didn't i noticed he'd shaved? HELLO I MAY HAVE SOME FORM OF CANCER THAT COULD BE WORSE THAN WHAT THEY CAN SEE...WHAT?!?

The next months were hell both at home and during recovery...my only refuge was my job...I went there nearly two weeks after the surgery...stitches still in arm because they weren't scheduled to be removed, all to not be at home whenever he got there.

I learned a few things along the way...the next man will have to be aware that although I've gone into my first screening and cleared of cancer, who knows if there's a possibilty that I could find myself there again...and this time I do need the chemo to live?

You must be a strong person, and remember if these things happen to you, it's for a reason...I learned about my true inner strength, and what a real man would do in that situation...and that if there isn't a man around, I will be OK on my own.

So...he left on November 1 and by the 4th, change had fully run it's course...I saw Obama win the election...and this time, it really meant more than what I thought it would, not just because of the historic occassion...but because...I saw it.
P.Lynn

Wow I just got finished watching "Not Easily Broken". Look it up if you havent seen it. Plus see "diary of a mad black woman", both films have instances of staying with someone who got injured.
Okay so my answer is yes. I would stick by my man if he gets injured.
If I were going to breaak up with him I would feel so bad about his predicament and wouldn't do it unless he did me really dirty. He would have to rely on his family to deal with him. Definitely if he was abusive, I would be like PEACE! (In Pam's voice from "Martin". I would look down on some one for bouncing only if the case calls for it. If that person did nothing wrong to the other person at all and things were fine I would look down with shame.
My Lover needs to know babe I'm right here by your side for it all if there hasn't been a problem with us. Mama will help you get better if possible and ride it out as long as you need me.
Miss. B Haven

I think some of you don't fully grasp what it would be like to stay with a physically or mentally disabled partner.

I'm a community health care worker and I've pretty much seen it all and I'd have to say no, I would not stay with a partner were he to become disabled. Call me a cold heartless bitch if you will but it's just too much to deal with.

Nobody ever sees or hears about the dirty details of what happens behind closed doors unless they themselves are in the field or with a disabled partner.

Lets say your partner was injured and became a quadriplegic for example. If need be would you be willing to provide some of their personal care? This would mostly likely include every aspect of daily care such as toileting. If it's not physically possible for them to sit on the toilet and do the do themselves are you willing to put your fingers inside their anus and pull out their feces? Are you willing to shower them everyday including brushing their teeth, combing their hair and possibly styling it depending, applying make up if need be, and dress them. Would you prepare every single meal, snack and drink they want or need? Are you prepared to get them in and out of bed every day/night, run all their errands for them, clean their house for them.

Would you be okay with multiple strangers coming in and out of the house on a somewhat regular basis to assess certain situations?

These and many other aspects are all something to think about when making this life changing decision. Not to mention caring for a disabled person is physically, mentally and emotionally demanding and draining.

I commend all of you who are and willing to do this for your partner. Your hearts are bigger than mine.
Jo Anne Jackson

Wow...this topic really hit home for me, except in reverse.

I was with someone for almost 13 years who was later diagnosed with Multple Schlerosis. I took care of him, the best of my ability and even dealt with the other aspects of his changes (most injuries are also accompanied by mental amd emotional injuries that also need to be identified and dealt with). I raised "our children", which where biologically his, etc. I was glad I was able to take at least some of the pressure off of him (can't tell you how I did it, but I did with God's leading).

About five years ago, I sustained a work injury that literally turned my life inside out on many levels. He was then much more stable than myself at this point and had a reasonably good control over his condition...it was I that needed the assistance now.

He didn't. He made excuses for why he shouldn't (it would make me weak). He even began to play the game of 'shoulda, coulda woulda but didn't and said that I shouldn't even take my prescribed meds...because that would mean I wasn't trusting GOD for my healing. WHAT!!!

Needless to say, we are no longer together but the sting of what transpired still resonates with me from time to time, especially when he says he loves me and STILL wants us to make it work. YEESH!

The point is..."it does depend on the person" and often folk make commitments that were not thought through, just because it sounds good or to be PC. What is not being realized is that in a relationship the people involved are trusting you with the good and the vulnerable of themselves, believing that you will have their best interest at heart. Sure, you have free will to choose what to do, but while deciding ask yourself 'would I want to be dealt with in this manner if it were me?'

We all do reap what we sow, and not necessarily from the person you did it to.
Jo Anne Jackson

Let me add that I was injured at work and am grateful that I have some of my strength back. I made it (making it through) despite what happened with him.

In fact I am still at the same job, pressing through the residuals of this injury, caring for my family and living life as a gift...because it is!

In His GRACE,

J
http://www.kindredsmile.blogspot.com KindredSmile

I'd like to think that I would stay if the relationship was solid and healthy before the injury, but honestly? I don't know, and that scares me a little. If I did stay, I'd have to make sure that it was for the right reasons - not a sense of obligation, but real devotion. Otherwise, the entire situation would breed resentment and it wouldn't be fair to either of us.
bogart4017

Its easier to stick and stay than you think. My then-fiancee suddenly complained of poor vision (not uncommon in your mid-thirties). The problem was she was losing her periferal (side) vision in her right eye. Glaucoma runs in her family and she was terrified. It took doctors months to determine she had a tumor in her eye due to computer use. They slowly melted it but it took the better part of a year. What man in his right mind would walk away from a wqoman he loves simply because she woke up one morning legally blind? If i have to push a wheelchair forever i'm not going anywhere unless she tells me to and she knows it.