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Deal Breakers (The Male Perspective)

Posted by NWSO • April 7, 2009 • Printer-friendly

Everyone has their own set of deal breakers when it comes to the opposite sex. In fact, a while back my boy Carl over at FunkyMinds did his “10 First Date Deal Breakers.” While I’ve written about my “Top 10 Turn-Offs” before, I haven’t really delved into those subtle things that can turn a green light into a red one during the early stages of the courting process (let’s say the first three months). I’ve actually been working on this one for a while and had to call in help from some of my male friends. So after my list of personal deal breakers you’ll hear from a few average Joes on what a lady can do to make a man run for the hills. I may not agree with all my homies’ opinions, but, hey, women like to hear how men think right? So without further ago…

CYBER STALKING
I’d like to think it’s universally understood that people need their personal space. This goes for a jump-off or a committed relationship. I learned a long time ago that healthy relationships have to exist on three levels. 1) You have to have a life of your own. 2) Your partner should have his/her life. 3) Y’all have your life together. I don’t care how much you like someone and vice versa, persistently calling, texting, emailing and IMing someone you’ve only known a few weeks can be annoying and a sign that you’re too needy. Just because you're bored at work doesn't mean your love interest is. Unless it's urgent, I'm sure the details of your day can wait ’til after work. Besides, ain’t that what Twitter is for?

AWKWARD QUESTIONS
If a guy isn’t there yet, there are certain questions a woman will ask that that will drive him away faster than halitosis. For example: “Do you miss me?” If it's early on in the relationship and he hasn't really mapped out any true feelings for you yet this question is paramount to asking if he loves you. Major awkwardness. What is he supposed to say to that if he does not miss you? Especially, if y’all just saw each other yesterday. That shows a sign of clinginess and when men smell that they tend to back off. Even if he did miss you but doesn’t like you like that, he's now less likely to say it because he doesn't wanna lead you on. If a man misses you trust me he'll say it or show it in his actions by asking you out again right away. But do yourself a favor, ladies, and mute yourself on questions like do you miss me, play it cool and let him say it.

“PAIR” PRESSURE
Patience is a virtue that some people don’t appreciate. I don’t know why we do it, but men like to take things slow. Well, when it comes to commitment at least, as for sex, that’s another story. Taking the physical dynamic out of the equation, it takes time to really get to know someone. People tend to have their “representative” in place until they let their guard down and show their true colors. The last thing a man wants to hear while he’s in this grey area is premature talk of his love being on lockdown. So talk of kids and marriage on dates one through three is a bit much. I’m not saying that views on marriage aren’t part of adult conversations, but if you’re naming our kids and picking out curtains after a couple weeks I’m looking for the exit. Let’s get to know each other better and maybe, I don’t know, start an actual relationship first before we map out our forever ever. You can’t put the carriage before the horse.

That’s just a few of my personal deal breakers, now I’ll turn the floor over to my panel of male advisers. NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the chauvinistic.

THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) Questionable Sexual History: I fucked around and brought up the subject of promiscuity and STDs at one point in the convo [during a date] and shawty responded, "Aw, everybody got something."
2) Bebe’s Kids: Another chick, this wasn’t on a date, but during a phone convo chick’s driving and says, "Hey, don’t touch that." I ask who’s she talking to, she said her son. Five minutes later, she goes, "Didn’t I tell your brother not to touch that?" I’m like, “Damn, you got two kids?” She said, “Nah, I got three.” GOT DAMN! And she was separated (not divorced) from her husband. Click!
3) Door Knockers: Popping up at the crib or job unannounced [is a deal breaker]. If they ready to fuck, then I may not be as upset but, nah don’t make a habit of doing that shit.
4) Nosy Broads: Going through my phone, or touching shit like my wallet and car keys when I’m not around. Self-explanatory.

THE CAVEMAN’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) Underarm hair.
2) Can’t, won't and refuses to try or at least learn how to cook.
3) Non-head giver.

NWSO: Dude, are serious with this list?
Caveman: It’s true son, tell me those are not deal breakers for you. Plus, it’s deeper than just what it seems like on the surface. The head and cooking tells a lot about the person, it says, "I ain’t trying to do nothing for the sake of you and I never will.” That’s straight selfishness. And underarm hair is just plain ol' nasty, lol

THE ASPIRING RAPPER’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) A woman that says, "I care more about finances than anything else."

THE PLAYER’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) A woman asking if I had sex with any of my females friends every time they meet one.

THE FUNNY GUY’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) Chicks double-checking if you're paying for the date. Deal breakers.
2) Boogers on the first date. Deal breaker.

THE PRETTY BOY’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) When a woman asks how much money you make on the first date.
2) When a woman asks how many women I've slept with on a first date.
3) Doesn’t offer to split the bill. Most case I will foot the bill, but an offer from a woman shows a lot.
4) If she's late.
5) If she is demanding.
6) If she has too much makeup on.

THE O.G.’S DEAL BREAKERS
1) A deal breaker in my book is a chick who never attempts to come outta pocket for a cab, a meal, a movie ticket, etc. I'll put up the cash for the first say, three dates, but as a gesture, at least ask if you can contribute. Don't assume/expect anything or I'll assume you're a selfish itch-bay.
2) Also, don't ask me for any of my music before we've knocked boots at least 3-5 times. I'm not the iTunes store, so don't thing think you can sync your iPod to my music library before I've decided you're worthy. It's just a sign of selfishness to assume that my music is your music (some of which I paid cold hard cash for) without giving me something of equal value in return.
3) Don't ever come over unannounced. I hate surprises. So don't think you can just roll up at the doorstep. I won't let you up. Ever!
4) Don't act suspicious of my female friends. Trust that I can maintain boundaries, and have confidence that I'm only into you in that "special" way.

Ladies, did you learn anything about the male psyche? Do you feel the fellas and I were on point with our assessments? Were there some deal breakers that you felt were unfair? What are some of your own deal breakers for men when you’re getting to know someone?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: Battle of the Sexes, dating, male perspective, miscommunication

da ThRONe

My #1 deal breaker is Smoking. I dont care how bad she is I will never date a chick who smokes!
July

Lol now I know why nothing ever goes past the first date with me. My deal breaker is if its a first date and the bill comes and you drag your feet to pay for it or worse wanna split it then you will never see me ever again. I just believe a man should pay for the first date, the next couple of dates yeah we could split it or I could pay but not the first one hells no. I mean he asked me for my time, interrupted my schedule so instead of paying for that meal I could have stayed at home and cooked and not have to pretend his jokes are funny. Am I wrong for that
Elle

See, quite frankly, some of the deal breakers I can understand like the fact that somebody who never comes out of pocket seems selfish. Or a questionable sexual history may in fact become a danger to one's own health.

However, I'd like to pose the question as to how many of these men are in happy, healthy, mature and committed relationships as we type?

Half of these things could be resolved if men would speak up about it and make their standpoint clear from the get go.

Let a woman know it feels as if she is stalking you. Either she understands where you are coming from and stops her behaviour. Or - if she doesn't - cut her off completely. And by completely I mean don't continue to bump & grind at night and duck her calls in the daytime.

Do you think women would ask out of this world questions, if men would have answered them either verbally or by certain actions? Not likely. Women are not as needy as men like to think. We appreciate clarity while many men don't mind obstructing clarity if that allows them to have their cake and eat it too.

As for the "pair pressure" one: puhlease! If a man knows that probably the majority of women believes that constant belly bumping is the pathway to a relationship and said man does not want one or isn't sure yet, how about saving himself the drama and not fuck until a) he knows what he wants or b) is blunt about his intentions.
If yall send mixed signals, you'll get mixed results.

Underarm hair? Does any woman in the western world still keep underarm hair? On the other hand, does he shave his balls - since he expects head and all?

What constitutes being demanding? Or is a man who complains about that simply not able or willing to put effort into the possibly perfect match for him?

Too much make up? And he didn't see that when he first approached her to ask for her number?

iTunes for sex? Seriously? If sharing music which has already been paid for is too precious to be shared, I don't think he is worth taking my shoes off, let alone my panties.

This whole "don't come over unannounced" & "I hate surprises" screams playaaaaaaa. Does he have something to hide? Are we living with a woman maybe? Or having the neighborhood shorty over occasionally? Or are you just plain dirty and embarressed about your nasty crib? Either way, red flag alert.

Deal breakser are fine. We all have them. But half of the things listed are superficial in my opinion.

I am absolutely with da Throne, smoking is a deal breaker for me. So is infidelity, lack of loyalty, catching somebody lieing, physical and/or mental abuse, unreliability, laziness, addiction of any kind, lack of hygiene, not getting along with my family and friends, controlling my every move and if you don't pass the dog test, you won't stand a chance.

Other than that, things are not that serious.
distinguishedgentlewoman

@ da ThRONe:

I'm with you on this one. Ain't nothing worse than smoker's breath and funky cigarette smell everywhere you turn.

And speaking of "potty mouth," another one of my deal breakers is constant unnecessary use of foul language. I once heard someone on TV say, "Profanity is a lazy mind trying to express itself." Like every other word out of his mouth is a four-letter words beginning with "f" and "s." And I don't care how fine a brotha is, calling a woman a "b" in casual conversation is a definite turn-off. Oh yeah, and hearing him use the N-word? That would definitely make me say, "See ya!"
distinguishedgentlewoman

One more thing that bugs the heck out of me is a guy that is too touchy-feely early in the relationship. We're just getting to know each other and his bloody hands are all over me every five seconds? Be gone, octopus!
irish_mami8

Ok, call me clueless, but what's the dog test?
NaturalVirgo

@ Elle

I have to agree with you 100%... But I don't know what the "dog test" is either.
Elle

@irish_mami8 and NaturalVirgo

Oh ... lol ... that's just a very personal way for me to determine whether or not a guy gets a shot with me. Dogs can sense when something is fishy about a person and from my experience that 6th sense has ALWAYS been on point. Sooooo, when my dog calms down relatively quickly, doesn't rip the prospect to pieces and even let's him pet her, a man has passed the "dog test".

That's all...sorry to disappoint you ... no fancy testing system.
YoungJay

My Deal Breaker.....HABITUAL LATENESS!!!

It kills me when a woman is ALWAYS late. I understand something happening once, but some women just cant seem to make it anywhere on time. It got to the point with one girl where I told her to be there an hour earlier than i was gonna show up and we still arrived at the same time.....SMH!
YoungJay

@ Elle

That Dog test definitely works both ways....When a woman is naturally nurturing/caring my dog will be on his back with all 4 in the air 5 minutes after meeting her. I dunno why but they have the best sense of peoples character.
Shay

Deal Breakers:

No smokers of any kind.

More than one child by more than one woman...shows irresponsibility

If he doesn't open my door, it's a wrap...chivalry may be on life support, but it isn't dead

I hate octopus men who want to be all touchy feely before the third date...unless I invite it, don't even think about it.

No job.

No car.

Bad tipper...if he is cheap with the waiter, he will will be cheap with you.

No goals and realistic aspirations...trying to be a rapper at 35? Come on now! What is your three year, five-year, 10 year plan?

Yuck mouth.

Men can be clingy too! Major deal breaker.

Convicted Felon.

Thug/hood apparel...I don't care what Jay-Z says, 30 is NOT the new 20, black men dress your age! It won't kill you to own a pair of slacks...and don't wear white tube socks with them.

Tardiness KILLS me. My time is precious and I can't get it back, so don't waste it!

Last but, not least...Men who play video games! You should be thinking of a master plan, not wasting your time consumed with Madden or NBA Live.
Soulyn

@Elle- I totally agree.

My # 1 deal breaker has to be poor hygiene. Is it wrong to take a shower before spending time with me? Ugh.....and you want head with that stench.

Other turn offs- Kids, dishonesty, possessiveness.
Shay

oh yeah! Wash your balls and trim your hair if you expect to get head. I am more than happy to slob the knob, but only if its not funky. Its a two way street. I spend 50 bucks a month and go through the excruciating pain of waxing for you, the least you can do is keep it clean for me. And don't spray cologne on it either! It tastes gross....Me venting, lol
Soulyn

I'd also like to add: no living at home with mommy(at 30!!), and, go back to school cuz a HS diploma will not get you too far, much less a BA.

@Shay- I hear you girl. How do tell a man his balls stink??
BK

I cant stand girls that are "too pretty" to do things. A girl thats TOO concerned with her looks. Constantly pulling out the compact to check her makeup or looking at herself on any reflective surface we may pass. I had an ex like that and it irritated me so much. Boo, get over yourself.

I like a girl whos down for spontaneous stuff and doesnt take herself too seriously. For instance, if we are out and something looks fun but she wont do it because shes not properly dressed or made up. I can understand if its a club that requires certain attire, but to make it seem like shes too good to do something low brow...big turn off.
http://www.mauricegarland.com Maurice Garland

my deal breaker is when the woman asks "do you date women who dont have sex" or out of nowhere says "im not having sex right now"....when i havent even propositioned her. if im talking about the game last night or work in the morning, why would you just blurt that ish out?
DJ CEO

Deal Breakers for me are: No strong Faith is God, Not educated and smoking
YoungJay

@ Shay

Why is not having a car a deal breaker? Some places dont necessitate having one...NYC for example. I live in the city and get around fine on the train, and trust I wont have you on the iron horse late night cuz cabs are easily accessible (unless your a black man SMH...diff convo).
BK

oh and manners. If a girl is rude to people serving food or talks down to people.
Soulyn

Okay last one. Poor table manners is a no no. If we're dining at a restaurant(doesn't matter where we are) and you chose to use your fingers instead of a knife and fork, there's a problem. Do not substitute your finger for a knife. I grew up in a west indian household and learned this from an early age.

Manners, or the lack thereof are very noticeable.
http://DiRadioCast.com DJ Ghost

Wow... I'm guilty in two places! Looks like I'll never keep a relationship in tact Oh well...
ice

Just one question, and I have no problem with any of the deal breakers...
For the player, the pretty boy, the O.G., aspiring rapper...where do you find the chicks you date? I hang around guys alllll the time, I'm just as close to my dudes as I am to my girls and I hear them rant repeatedly about chicks they date and I can't help but thinking "why do you keep picking the same type chicks??"....cuz, clearly it's not working for you.

One of my top deal breakers-being rude. Two can play that game and you do not want have a hostile situation with me...
Righteous Mama

Oh gosh that gave me a GOOD laugh.

I'm still tryna get better with the whole first date who pays thing. I hate that it's even an issue. I always feel awkward at the end like should I pull out my credit card, will he feel offended if I pull out my credit card and assume that I want to go half on everything? I don't mind going half on anything. I just love that feeling when a guy is like naw, gurl...I got this. Can't be mad at me for that. These days I can pick up on which dudes are on it like that and which dudes ain't and accept each accordingly.

The last date I was on I swear the dude stared at me in awe as if I could do no wrong. I felt like he wasn't judging me by any superficial, pre-conceived rules...he was more interested in what I had to say than anything else. Love him for that!

Big turn offs for me:
typical first date interview questions
talking about former relationships
tryna figure out how much money I make
asking me about my baby daddy
tryna size me up based on where I live
dudes that are obviously looking for a woman that is a come up (that's where the having separate lives is REALLY important)

Big turn ON: MEN who know exactly what they want in life and ain't shy about telling you straight up.
(not talking about sex either)

You're SO good at this NWSO!!
Shay

@ Young Jay...
I live in Cali, west LA to be exact, so a car is a must in order to get around. If I lived in NYC it would be a different story.

And I would have no problem riding the train at night if I were accompanied by a man.
Righteous Mama

Oh my GOD an edit feature!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now you're cooking wit hot sauce. LMAO!
almost famous

LOL, this was very insightful and funny. Just as I was about to call my guy for the third time this morning..I put the phone down. LOL. I am not dying so why was I blowing him up..LOL. I have ish to do so I have a very lively life. Oh wow. Thanks sooo much I need this list. I am going to post it on my wall !!! However, I have been with the same jerk for four years now so damn I guess he likes my craziness or he likes the fact I give good head and can hook a steak up !!!! Thanks fellas !
juls

Deal breakers for me:

1. A chick that TALKS TOO DAMN MUCH!
No explanation necessary; if they actually say "...I know I talk a lot..." in the midst of their verbal assault then it's a complete wrap after that.

2. A chick who constantly checks her phone or texts on a date. God I hate that shit so bad cuz it's so fucking rude! If you can't stay away from your phone for a few hours to spend getting to know me then your priorities are proly fucked up. And most of these chicks don't even have kids either....just stupid texting.
YoungJay

@ Shay

Your are now back on my list of possibles, although i wouldnt be on yours...I still play Madden on the weekends b4 i go out lol
http://nwso.net NWSO

@July

Here's my opinion. I've been talking about the tip/split thing for ages and women always seem to miss the point. For me at least, it's not even who pays as much as it is the offer, which shows a sign of unselfishness on the female's part. Even "Caveman" expressed that his plus in a woman is showing unselfishness. If more women showed that side they may get somewhere. Not guaranteed but men like unselfish women. And why is the assumption that he asked you out? And why is your time more precious than his that he has to "pay" for yours the first time? I'm assuming a woman agrees to go out with me because she likes me not for a free meal. Why is it a must that he pay first, and then if you magically grant him a second or third date he can be graced with some of your money on the bill? So, if you only let guys get as far as a first date you get fed consistently for free while he goes to the poorhouse because he HAS to pay for evert first date he goes on with a woman that refuses to contribute? If you look at it that way doesn't that sound a bit selfish?

DEAL BREAKER!!!!

SMH
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Elle

Remember, the set up for the deal breakers was on first dates and within three months of dating, so sex might nit even be into play at the point I'm talking about with the "awkward questions."

And yes, there are some super natural sisters that still keep underarm hair. I seen it. Apparently, some other dudes have too. lol

And I don't think the unannounced thing screams playa all the time. Flip the script, if a dude you just met and been hanging out with for just 3 months pops up at your job or crib, wouldn't you be like "creepy as stalker." But beyond that extreme, because I won't assume every woman will have a man at their house that soon, but respect my personal space. I don't like anyone, male or female, just dropping by. My home is my sanctuary and when i'm there I'm enjoying my "me" time or working. Who are you to just bogard my personal space? Call at least, cause I'm the type to not answer my door if I'm not expecting anyone. Not because of any play activities but NY has an annoying species of people known as Jehovah's Witnesses (no offense) and no one wants to get caught by them. I learned that from my momma
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Maurice

Chances are she's bringing sex up because she's thinking about sex. It's that old reverse psychology.

"You know I'm not having sex right now, so don't even think about having sex with me because I'm not thinking about it but now I probably made you think about sex because I was actually thinking about sex with you but said I wasn't so that I wouldn't look like I wanted to have sex but secretly I wanted you to think about sex so you would make a move on me and then if we did have sex I could blame it on you because I already said that I don't want to have sex."

LOL
da ThRONe

@July

I with NWSO here! How can we ever get closer to each other if all you care about is money?

There is no rule that says its a man's job to pay for everything. If I invite you Im paying but if its something mutual I dont feel like I should have to pay just cause im the dude.
da ThRONe

By the way I have a potty mouth and I dont have a problem expressing myself "I just fucking love to say shit like shit and fuck!"LOL
LL

LOL@the dog test!
Shay

@ everyone who is chatting about who pays

If he asks he pays. She SHOULD at least offer to leave the tip if it is dinner.

If she asks she pays. Most men would say "no I'll pay for it," but if you asked him to go out, at least be prepared to pay for it.

Geesh! It is that simple.
da ThRONe

@Shay

A huge deal breaker is a chick with too many damn deal breakers. Why do people have so many deal breakers then wonder why we cant find the right 1?

Nothing wrong with having "standards" ,but come on who are we really to place so much expectation on people before we even know them. Why do we walk around with our noses so damn high we cant smell our own shit! You are no better than anybody dont forget that we are all one step away from being in a "deal breaker" category(most of us is there and still act funny with other people) remember that!
Shay

@ Young Jay

I am the type of person that is constantly on the grind, and I try to use my free-time to network and make more money, so I see video games as a waste of time that could be used to do so much more. But that's me...I understand that everyone isn't as driven as myself.

At least your game-time is not habitual.
da ThRONe

@Shay

I dont care about money it comes and goes! I want to enjoy my life. Money dont guarantee anything you can hustle never enjoy yourself and still fail.

My deal breaker people who dont understand what's most important in life!*clue its not money*
ChuckDonald

ladiezz ladiezz ladiezzz... Tommy from 107.5 just came to mind... lol

Here are my deal breakers:::::::

1. hygiene is # 1 on my list.
2. bad teeth - if you work, please please!!!
3. respect yourself and me too
4. Those finger nails.. if u can touch your toes while standing it's a problem, okay your knees.
5. Personal/social etiquette - wow who where your parents???
6. Boomerang did it to me and I can not go BACK.. THEM FEET - Girl have you been kicking ROCKS??? what the aaahhhh

wow it's lunch time... later
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Shay

Why video games have to be a waste of time? I haven't played in ages but what's the difference between that and taking a break to watch a movie or tv show? I used to use it as a form of escapism to balance out all the hustlin' and grindin'. Shoot, video games could be some people's form of dating themselves (see last week's post) and getting some "me" time with themselves. Don't think it makes them less driven, everyone has some kinda hobby or thing they do to unwind—excluding habitual gamers of course
Shay

@ da throne

I don't think that I am perfect by no means. However, I do know my worth and what I bring to the table. I give as much, if not more, than I require. So, if expecting someone to have a standard of personal hygiene or to have reliable tranportation is asking too much, then that really is a problem.
Shay

@ NWSO

My comment was geared mainly towards habitual gamers.
Hershey’s Kiss

I agree smoking is a deal breaker, not being totally honest, asking about my female friends and if we had sex, asking how much money I make, so demanding and always wanting to spend time together and not letting me have my space. Those are deal breakers. Having no class is also a deal breaker
Shay

@ da throne

Ask a person that just lost their job and can't pay their mortgage if they are enjoying life without money.
da ThRONe

@Shay

Thats was my point sweetheart! It can happen to anybody. Dont let a job or a house or a car or a bank statement define who you are as a person. Because no matter how much effort you put into it it can be taken away without warning.

People manage to live life just fine for 1000's of years without most of that stuff God forbid we dont have all the luxuries we're use to.

I want a female thats going to be by my side to the end no matter what! Whats more important then that?
da ThRONe

Whatever happenned to growing together or sacrificing for one another? We want instant spouses just add water! No person is perfect for the other person it take patience ,tolerance ,sacrifice and a fair amount of effort for things to work.

Ofcourse There will be deal breakers about people personailties. But weither or not a person owes a car or plays videogames doesnt not speak to there personality. You can be a great boyfriend that cant buy a car or love videogames dont limit yourself based on your prejudice.
Shay

Growing together is great when two people aren't established. Conversely, I have already achieved most things that couples strive to obtain together. So why should I have to lower my standards?
da ThRONe

@Shay

1 word "LOVE"!

If you can find love in somebody below your "standard" why not. Im not talking about somebody whos a loser ,but there is a huge difference between being a loser and unsuccessful. Why would you piegon hold yourself with a list of "deal breakers" thats is important only because you have a shallow 1 sided view of what people should be doing with there lives?
http://moesadventures.wordpress.com/ Moe

Preach Elle. You spoke the truth sister.

A deal breaker for me is a person asking me stupid predictable questions on a first date. Please try to be original. Get to know my personality please, because it is really fantastic and I love to share it. All those typical tidbits will be found out soon enough if we both stick around long enough.
Another is please don't have too many deal breakers because you are not above me and I am not above you. I get the sense from some people that they are doing me a favor, I do not think so.

I am precious and so is everyone else. We are all equal just different. No one is perfect, but everyone is great. Learn to appreciate the differences in others, instead of shooting them down for them. Learn their story, you may just learn a thing or two from them.

If they were good enough to go out on a date with, pursue it seriously and see where it takes you.
keke

@ Moe,

what do you consider to be "stupid predictable questions?"

what kind of questions do you consider to be good to ask on a first date?
Shay

@ da throne

I'll be shallow if that's what you want to call it and I also will not share my life with someone whose drive doesn't match mines. It's all about compatibility. I don't care what others do with their lives. If a man wants to play video games all day long (emphasis on all day), so be it, he's just not for me. I don't look at him as any less of a person, I just know the chances of he and I getting along are slim.

If a man does not own a vehicle (depending on the city) why should I have to bare the burden of driving everywhere we go? Or what if something happens to my truck and I need a ride for a day or two?

I can understand you calling me shallow if I listed a specific make and model of car.

Pigeon holding myself is this:

He must be this tall, make this much money, have this many degrees, own this much property, drive this type of car...

I am not asking for anything that I do not posses myself. Case closed!
Lady Lady

My Top Deal Breakers

Married (Would someone please tell these married dudes that this is an OBVIOUS deal breaker.

A dude that expects way too much way to soon. I'm not your girl and you don't own me. Please pump your breaks partner!!

Dudes that think they are God's gift to women.

Cheap skates. (Need I explain more)
da ThRONe

@Shay

So since your a robot you wanna date a robot cool? Im so much more simple then you are. I only care about a females commitment to me IMO anything outside of that is piegon holding yourself.

Just because your not being specific doesnt make it unshallow. What your S.O. does with his alone time shouldnt affect you one bit(as long as its not cheating ofcourse). As long as he honors you ,brings his half to the relationship ,and makes you feel good about yourself what difference does it makes if he not grinding 24/7?
Elle

@YoungJay

Oh the test definitely works both ways...lol... although your 4legged friend sounds much friendlier than mines.

@NWSO

So is any of these guys in the kind of relationship I described or are they all single? I'm curious.

If we are talking first date, yea ok, I can agree with some more of the deal breakers. After 3 months however I don't really believe the men in your sample haven't knocked boots with the women in question. And once sex comes into the picture things start having a whole different dimension. So asking me if I missed you after date number 1 screams "awkwarddddd". So does popping up at my apartment. However, if I am still dealing with you after 3 months you will know that I missed you because I would have expressed or showed it. Also it wouldn't be a big deal if you showed up unannounced. Mi casa es su casa.

I don't know. I'm not that "paranoid" I guess. Without being all extra volnurable I do open up emotionally rather uninhibitedly and allow people - male and female - to see the real me. So yea, I give folks the benefit of the doubt until they prove not to be worthy.

@da Throne

Ahh, my kinda guy. One of my favorite quotes is: Money comes and goes. That's why it is called cash flow.

Also, thinking in categories or business deal terms leads people nowhere. To each their own, I do not judge. But I believe that thinking in "levels" robs people of the possibility to find the happiness a loving relationship with somebody who normally wouldn't fit your list can bring.

I lived in L.A. and we didn't have a car. Did it suck? Sure did. But we survived. And it didn't take the slightest toll on our relationship that we had to take the bus. Matter of fact, you see the craziest people on the bus or the bus stop. I got stories for days just because I used public transportation in L.A.

Playing Madden is a waste of time to some but it is a way to wind down from a hard week of work, to spend time with likeminded people and plain old fun to others. There is nothing cuter when my man plays Madden/NCAA and bursts out in laughter or victory poses. While I don't really like those games myself, I enjoy shooting up the universe in a round of Halo - even though I usually get my ass kicked horribly - or racing against him in NFS. It's a bonding experience in my book. Always going out to do sophisticated stuff gets old after a while - at least to me.

@Shay

I don't think you should lower your standards. But why not "share" what you've achieved. I don't mean financially or anything of the like. Sharing your knowledge, sharing your drive, your ambition. That way you can help somebody better himself, be part of the ride, learn new things yourself and bond thanks to this experience. For example, I absolutely love taking part in my fiancé's business activities. Whether it is on a small level such as contacting people for him, sending out/ answering emails, researching info he needs. Or putting together projects, developing concepts, writing business plans or scouting locations. I have a master's, he doesn't. I have experience in a field he is just now getting in to. I have a car. He doesn't. But at no point in time did I feel as if I had lowered my standards. He can learn from me, I can gain new perspectives because of him and we both can learn and grow together. Growth is nothing that comes to an end one day. While you may be farther along in the process compared to others, you still have room for more. Your process may slow down now that you've reached a certain level and a man in question may easily match up with you in no time.

Again, to each their own. But it's worth considering I think.
YoungJay

@ Da Throne.

I do think Shay has a lot of deal breakers but I believe what cannot be ascertained from reading her list is the experiences tied with them. To each his own and just because I dont agree with all of the things on her list, I believe ultimately its about what makes her happy. in any relationship there is always give and take and I believe Shay will find someone who fits most of her "breakers" but if she learns to love them the missing ones wont matter. (Ex: She meets guy with car, falls in love with him, car is totaled and he cannot afford new one I think she'd stick with him)
keke

I agree with most of the things that you said Elle except for one thing; I cannot stand it when a man comes to my place unannounced.

That just rubs me the wrong way. I have a huge issue with personal space, my freedom and my privacy. My home is where I lay my head and sometimes I don't feel like being bothered or I just want peace. I feel like a man who just stops by without calling first and letting me know is invading my space and it annoys me.

Even after 3 months, even if we are having a sexual relationship, you have to respect my space and call before you come.
http://moesadventures.wordpress.com/ Moe

@keke
stupid first date questions are:
what do you do for a living?
-who cares, I am not a serial killer which is evident by you still being alive

do you have any siblings?
what do your parents do? are they together?
What are your hobbies?
-well, being alive is one since I am breathing. Answering stupid ass questions would come in as a very close second.

what do you want out of life?
-to get married and have kids, thats why I am dating you. I wanna trap you of course. why else would i waste my time.

ugghhhh, those type of questions irk my nerves and are bound to get a sarcastic ass answer from me. any adult should know their boundaries and know that those types of things are really deeper than one or two sentence answers. spark a convo with me by telling me something about your day so it can flow. first dates are not questionnaires.
da ThRONe

@YoungJay

My point to her was you dont know where you will find love and that she should leave her options open. If you start eliminating people on some of the lesser things you never know who many great people who can add so much to her life get cut for something silly like playing videogames in his free time.

And If she is willing to stand behind a guy if he loses a car why not stand behind somebody who doesnt have 1 whats the differences? Support is support! I said this in Ans blog about injuried lovers "If you cant love me when im down you dont deserve to love me when Im up" you can not have it both ways that isnt love. You can not do relationships only when they benefit you!
da ThRONe

@Moe

Are you serious those questions are a deal breaker? I will admit I dont like deep but general questions but its far from a deal breaker. I have had chicks ask me my 5year plan like there in it or something. I do hate the whole "Imma judge you on this date alone questions" ,but once again not a deal breaker its just a mind you on damn business situation!
da ThRONe

@DJ CEO

Thats funny because I hate when people throw there faith all up in your face. Like going to church make you better somehow. I dont even believe in that silly shit ,but I dont clown people for being mindless zombie's so dont tell me anything cause I dont think God pick me and my religion over the other 6 billion people who dont believe what I believe. Man some religious people can be pompous asses sometimes!
http://moesadventures.wordpress.com/ Moe

@da throne

It is not a complete deal breaker if they can redeem themselves with signs of an original personality. Other than that it will have me giving them the serious side-eye for a good minute.
Shay

@ Elle

My significant other is 24 and I am 30. I share with him all the time and we both feed off of each other. His drive compliments mines and that makes me happy.
keke

@ Moe,

I can understand where you are coming from. Those questions can be a little boring and mundane. But to be fair, sometimes ppl may be a little nervous or unsure of what to discuss on the first date so they stick to safe territory.

The flip side of that is if you are bored and your date is asking "stupid questions", you can take charge and bring up topics of interest. You can guide the covo into something more interesting and engaging. It may not be fair to just assume that the person is boring or for your response to sarcastic because their line questioning doesn't immediately grab your attention.
http://nwso.net NWSO

LOL @ DaThrone

Dude, you stay backhand complimenting people. You said "I don't clown people" but in same sentence call said people "mindless zombies." ALMOST called going to church "that silly shit" but I think you meant the few folks that think it makes them better and not those with faith and go. Then capped it off with calling some religious folks "pompous asses."

If that ain't clownin (on the low) I don't know, bro. LOL

You know you opened up a whole other can of worms
Elle

@Shay

Well then ... ... I guess you're already living what I described. Way to go!
da ThRONe

@NWSO

Yeah I feel faith is your own personal thing! I was talking about people who expect other people to buy into it because they do. I dont have a problem with most religions and I pratice the teaching of most religions even though I dont believe all the mystical stuff that goes with it. I just have had a lot of religious people that pass all kinda judgements on me cause Im not a believer so I went a lil too hard on that and I apologize to any believer who was offended!
da ThRONe

@Shay

Im glad you have your "Standard Guy" relationship are beautiful! But what happens if he slips? Do you dump him? You can only have 1 priority and its either him or your grind. If life makes you choose which 1 do you pick?
Shay

@ da throne

Please elaborate on "But what happens if he slips?" I am not sure I know what you mean.

My top priority will always be myself. I know that comes off as being selfish, but if I don't take care of myself and put me first, then I am no good to anyone.
da ThRONe

@Shay

What if he slips on his grind or makes a mistakes that cost him his job. You know whatever it is that draws you to him.

Yes it is selfish and is the wrong mindset for a relationship. You dont need to make you your priority in order to do well it just makes it impossible to have a meaningful relationship. Being selfish is a contradiction to being in a relationship in the first place.
Shay

@ da throne

If for some reason he loses his job... oh well ish happens. I am not with him because of his employment. That's why I work hard, we are a team and we support each other. I don't have a problem with helping him out until he is able to get back on his feet.

As far as me being selfish, You are totally missing the point and I strongly disagree. Taking care of self first should be everyones first priority. It is my responsibility to take care of me, not anyone elses. How am I supposed to take care of my household if I don't take care of myself first? If I'm broken down and sick, everything and everyone in my house will suffer.
da ThRONe

@Shay

I applaud your loyalty your "deal breaker" list seem a lil shallow but you dont seem that way. My only problem is why cant you have that same mindset when meeting somebody give them a chance?

You dont have to be selfish to self-sufficient. There is no doubt that its on any heathly person to take care of one self ,but making yourself a priority should be reserved for single people with no kids.
mine jaz

i agree with elle she hit it on the mark! just to add head is a mutual experience u gotta give 2 get and u better be cleana nd sterile cuz i am... with all these damn deal breakers yall need to take luda advice and stop bein so damn picky.. really half these deal breakers is personal .. once u get to kno the person ur dating ull find out wat not to do.... i like surprises, i hate touchy-feely on the first couple dates but hell thats just me and one more thing, ive noticed that men dnt like women to do things that they themselves do... FUCK THAT! ill be damned if im held to these biast standards that ercks my muthafuckin nerves!..... and oh yea i kno this may come as a shock to you fellas but....WE CAN NOT READ MINDS...and being that you DO NOT know our life story dont assume we kno shit bout ur likes and dislikes tell us cuz ima treat you like i would want to be treated and that may not necessarily be something you would like all the mothafucken time.
paulettebajangal

My deal breakers

1. Lies.Fellas are not very good at lying...so I remember what he said on date 1 or over the phone.if his story changes...then it's a wrap.
2. Deadbeat dad.I refuse to date a man that doesn't take care of his kids.Don't know why other women tolerate that ish.Its not cute.
3. A guy that blames every past break-up on the woman...especially if he says she's "crazy" and spends too much time dissing her.There's always 2 sides to a story.
4. Not being open to trying something different.I am very open about music, restaurants and movies and such...if a guy only wants to eat Chinese and watch kung fu flicks then I know he's closed minded about life as a whole.
5. A neat freak...if the brother is too neat...I mean like he presses his shirts and pants with the sharp lines...we can't deal.I like a little rugged...not too much but if a man is so focued on having each hair in place and constantly checking his clothes...he's not for me.
6. Borrowing money after the 1st date...yes...it has happened to me.Dude paid for the 1st date and then actually tried to borrow money from me on the second date.wtf.I blocked his number after that.
Ghananian Queen

This is all funny because the most recent guy i was dating seemed to do everything this blog says guys don't do. This can all be hella confusing sometimes. But I agree with most of the deal breakers as a female. It's just really hard when someone comes and throws off the whole spectrum
Anonymous

@ da throne

I am single until I am married, therefore I am my top priority.

My deal breakers are not set in stone. If a man has a 360 or PS3 I don't automatically say "I can't talk to you because you play video games." I understand that we all have our ways to unwind, but anything in excess is bad.

-Shay
EmotionalFunk

My only serious early deal-breakers are of course all the touchy feeling stuff. I absolutely hate getting groped by strangers. A few hours of knowing someone is not the green light for getting down. I also can't stand when someone asks you out then asks what do you want to do and says " I don't have a lot of money right now". This really happened okay, lol. I may continue being polite but it is so over. I figure if you don't have a lot of money and you ask someone out you'd should plan something in your budget instead of making someone you barely know uneasy. So that's a wrap for poor planning. Its not like you couldn't made a date for the museum, that's free.

The ultimate deal-breaker is bringing up sex, repeatedly after I make it clear that is not the subject for 1st dates 2nd dates... Like for real I don't really know you so cool it.
Nicole

@ Righteous Mama
Amen sistah!!!!!! I agree with what you said. Don't have to deal with the baby daddy stuff tho, yet. & NWSO is GREAT at this! *smile*
Ms P

Paulettebajangal gave my list to a TEE!!! LOL.

Someone also mentioned pompous religious people. I am a Christian, and I do try every day to be a better person. However, I have met some men who felt that because they could quote the Bible & they attended church regularly they were the ultimate Christians. However, they were also some of the most bitter men I had ever met. How can you constantly degrade your ex-wife & call yourself a man of God?? Dealbreaker!!!! How you live everyday speaks more to your faith than how many times you go to church. JMO
Ms. West

I had to comment on this post!!!! LOL
I totally agree with all of those deal breakers, women for the most part have similar deal breakers. I hate to say this, but if a man is too chivalrous, that kinda drives me crazy. It's like OK, so now all you wanna do is see how long it takes me to take off my vickies. And, if a guy asks me how much money I make. First I run a small business, so I do aight, secondly if I would have asked him, I would be a golddigger, so lets hold the same truths to be self evident with men and women.
LMAO! Don't ask my bra size either
Just-a-black-girl!

I totally agree with Dathrone!!!!
Mami

I have so many deal breakers.

1. Christian/Strong Faith
2. Job
3. Legal resdient of USA
4. Must speak some Eng./Love my hispanic brothers
5. Good hygienes
6. Secure/Financially, emotionally
7. Liar/just be honest
8. Cheap

My girlfriend wrote a list of what we expect from a man and we are trying our best to uphold that list. Ladies we must stop being so needy for these men. Men pick up the scent of wounded like a dog. Men love the chase and lets start letting them do it, by not giving to them so quickly. Get to know each other before jumping in the bed, they will respect you more. Stop letting them call you all times a night, and just popping up at the crib. Stop letting place restriction on you with not going out anymore clubs or just hanging with your girl's and don't place those same things on him. A man will only do what you allow him to do. So let us start off with friendship and bring back that good old fashion courting.....
Anonymous

Men let's get it together! It's a man's job to pay period.
J

"May those that regard god understand this day that
all he wanted was his people to understand his love,for which reason he sent his only son to this forsaken world so that the heaviest sinner may not have to bear the guilt of every sin that he/she committed in his life if he/she repents and becomes pure at heart!His only son came to this world in flesh as a human to prove that one can lead a life without sin and come to know the father,but none remember the way of his birth or death,he is shown pompously in Silver,diamond,earrings and piercings among those who defile every possible moral that he upheld!he died on the cross a painful agonizing death so that
his sisters and brethren may not have to bear the same brunt for their sins if they repent,never once did he speak a harsh word,he was as gentle as a child,but knew the wisdom of adults but never once committed a sin!Think again my brethren when thou abuse others and judge others,for the savior of this world was judged unto death unjustly!wat kind of a godless horrible punishment a sinner would get, if the purest heart in the universe deserved to die a shameful death on the cross!This is my last message in this blog,for those who understand the need of the hour will see a peaceful tomorrow.
Dee

Hi,
the dealbreakers you wrote about in your first part of the article have all been done to me by men, including 1 guy promissing me to "buy a ring" after talking 5 minutes to me and 1 guy doing the "baby-talk" on the first few dates!(i.e. before any serious commitment). I am a woman, but this was way too early, I ran for the hills, because I hadn't checked them out yet properly.
When I have to give myself and commit to a project together(e.g. family), I want to feel like I know the guy and we are working well together.
da ThRONe

@Shay

I thought that was the point of deal breakers that they are "set in stone"?

I think people invest to much in the act of marriage and not the concept of marriage. Once you decide you only want to be with that person then they should take priority. I have said this a countless number of times "You should be living like your married before you get married".
Elle

Ok, I need to add two more things to my deal breaker list:

1) A man who does not understand my sense of humor and continuosly lectures me about the reasons why it is wrong to say something like that.

Pft! Get the stick out of your butt and see the sarcasm in what I say! Seriously!

2) People going "Jehova Witness" on me and attempting to save my lost soul from the fires of hell. Sawry, wrong tree you are barking at. I keep it like Talib:
"You know I ain't a christian
I ain't a muslim, ain't a jew
I'm losing my religion
I speak to god directly
I know my god respect me
Cause he let me breathe his air and he really blessed me"
Shay

@ da Throne

NEVER!!!

That's what's wrong with people, they are expecting husband/wife benefits and privileges without the paper work!!
da ThRONe

@Shay

Paper work is just that paper work! Marriage should be making your commitment to each other offical. Once you love somebody you will give them your all ring or no ring and if you dont then your not really in love with that person!

Expectations arent people problem its they're inability to be the person they expect they're S.O to be in the relationship. And this is usually because nobody wants to give they're all they want to be serviced without serving.

My thinking is a couple should be married well before the wedding and the marriage license.
Sugabear

Wow I think da THRONE really took over this blog with his different thinking. (different= crazy) But I agreed with all of Shay's deal breakers. What she's really saying is that she wants a guy who's responsible, takes care of himself, has goals and vision,considerate, mature and gives you space until you're ready. And I agree about the video game playing, it should be like a weekend thing or I had a really rough day at work so let me play for a little while to relax.

I think its very important to ask people what their religion is or if they attend church regularly. More importantly if they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. (to figure out if they're just warming the pew.) Once you ask them that, you know where the person is coming from, how they think, their point of view. So when a guy's deal breaker is non-head giving or you believe that "paperwork is just paperwork" (A woman should not be giving a man her all until he's proven that he's serious about the relationship and not too soon after that, he should be popping the question) then you can immediately dismiss the person because they aren't even in your playing field. There's no need to give that person "a chance". If two people don't believe in the same things, it will never work, there's always going to be that hurdle(s) that they won't be able to get over.
She She

@ Da Throne....

i know I'm a day late with this response but I just have to say that I totally agree with where you are coming from as far as the paper work should be just that; paperwork. In the sense that if you are ready to walk down the aisle then those vows that you are about to commit to in front of God, family, friends, and whoever else should already be in full swing within your relationship. Just because we stand in front of people and say that we will love, honor, cherish, in sickness and in health, until death do us part....it doesn't happen the day you "jump the broom." That should already be in practice. I don't think that's asking too much of either party.
Mimi in the OC

I read all the posts and this was hilarious. Now even though I'm a little late, here's my top list of deal breakers, that I will break into 2 categories:

- Initial encounters:

1. Physical appearance - short men:
I don't date short men period, I don't care what you say, you have to be 5'11 or taller for me to gain interest, even if it's just for sex (and that has nothing to do with what's inside your pants). I just love tall men.

2. Lack of hygiene:
Brush your teeth; chew some gum if needed; put some cologne/perfume (at least for the couple of first dates come on), use deodorant on a daily basis and yeah...later on please trim it down there, I'm not going down on no bushes.

3. Egocentric self-centered (usually selfish):
It shows quick during a conversation and I can't stand it. You're not supposed to be a diva, stop talking about yourself, get to know about me too.

4. Possessive, clingy: I need my "me" time, I don't belong to you.

5. Manners: Be polite and respectful, please avoid using curse worse (once, twice is ok but don't push me); do not burp it's not cute; smoking (even though I have dated one or two smokers, I hated the constant taste of cigarettes...)

6. Conversation subjects to avoid:
Your ex; your sexual performances and sex at the beginning in particular don't ask me how many sexual partners I've had (do you really wanna know?...I don't think so); how much money I/you make.

7. Money:
Balance. I believe the guy should pay the first time in the name of chivalry, however I wouldn't mind splitting it. I would definitely not pay the bill all by myself the first time, but I wouldn't mind paying it all the next time. Just don't be cheap (goes in pair with selfishness), the whole money thing is not a big deal to me, but I live in OC so you need a car, I refuse to be anybody's chauffeur. Don't leave at your mamma's or worse (your ex-girlfriend's house wtf...yeah move out and we'll talk in a few months)

- Delving a little deeper:

1. Education:
You don't have to have a PhD, a Master or a Bachelor to talk to me, but please value education. I value, believe in the power of knowledge and education whether it's through school or not. I am quite intellectual I have to say, so if we don't share that in come on, there really is no future...at the most you could be a one night stand at some point lol.

2. Lack of confidence:
I don't like shy guys or maybe rather I have no patience for shy guys. I love self-confidence in a man, I tolerate cockiness and over-confidence if you can back it up. If you're too hesitant in making moves, in your speech, in your decision-making I will likely disappear.

3. Drive:
It kind of goes in hand with confidence. Please have a plan, a project, it doesn't have to be buying a mansion by the beach, but please have a goal, an ambition no matter how "little" it is, know what you want out of life. When I hear: "Oh I am just staying at home right now, trying to figure out a few things" what does that mean? "I'm taking a year off you know just to relax a bit" unless you won the lottery or you've already achieved something (and it doesn't have to be related to money) I don't see why you're sitting at home.
anonymous

@ da throne and she she

I agree with Shay's comment. i think people dismiss the entitiy of marriage and negate it as just being "paperwork". Yes I agree everything in the relationship should be on the otpimal level and the actual marriage just seals the deal. But i also believe a girlfriend is different from a fiancee from a husband. I cant see myself doing stuff for a bf the i will do for a husband..such as having his child, buying a home with him. combining out finances and growing old together. Marriage is beyond paper work but i can break up with my bf right no clean slate, when you hvae that peperwork it gives the union and entirely different feel. My best friend dated and lived with her husband for years before they got married and she said marraige still changed things.
da ThRONe

I think thats the problem with most marriages they change over night. People will change with time but when you make drastic changes that is a major reason marriage fail. Now i have been in a meaningful relationship since W first year as pres but that IMO!
bogart4017

This is gonna sound funny but women who don't pick up their feet when they walk send me sccreaming in the other direction. I don't care what footgear youre sporting---if it hurts to pick up your feet you got the wrong size shoe or you are just plain damn lazy. I see it at least 5 days a week. ugh!
Sweetness

These guys are so disrespectful, and that's a major deal breaker in my book. I cannot stand it when women are called chicks, bitches, and hoes. It's just inappropriate.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Sweetness

Which guys said b's and hoes? I know I say "chicks" but i don't see it as disrespectful, but I'm a guy so maybe i'm wrong.
Sweetness

I didn't see the word hoe, but that is one of my deal breaker words. O.G. used the phrase selfish itch bay. Southern Gentleman called someone a nosey broad. I'm just not feeling these terms. My personal opinion. I might be over-sensitive, but I do feel that women should be respected at all times.
Devin

There were a lot of insiteful things said here, but there was also a lot of nonsense as well.

Someone said it earlier and its true, how do you expect to meet someone if there are all these stipulations from the door. Thats unrealistic. Your basically settin yourself up for failure before anything even starts.
chocopina

i know i'm way late on this, and slightly off topic but i was having a convo with some friends about having a woman offer to pay and/or actually pay the tip when a man is paying for dinner.

here are my thoughts

i have no problem offering to pay and/or actually paying the tip. or even paying for the whole meal. i usually a generous tip so long as the service was decent. however what kind of gets to me is guys complaining about paying for everything when a couple goes out. what about when a woman is cooking dinner?

i know when i cook for my man i don't ever ask him to reimburse me for the cost of food and/or calculate what i should be paid for cooking dinner. i frequently cook dinner and pay for the goods out of my own pocket and never once has he offered to help out with it. and i am not talking about making spaghetti or instant mac n cheese or no mess like that, i cook for real. i gets down in the kitchen. i will also say that if he wasn't in the picture i probably wouldn't be cooking as much or making complicated dishes, i do it because i know he likes it and that's ok with me.

i am not complaining one bit because on the flip side he pays when we go out and i don't pay for a thing. in my opinion that's a pretty fair arrangement.

i just wonder how much men think about things like this when they complain that the women never kicks out any money on dates.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Chocopina

But groceries are less expensive. When you really go out and grocery shop and pay attention, you realize how much your getting overcharged at restaurants. Most times one meal out can equal a week's worth of groceries. Not saying groceries and cooking is less than out to dinner in terms of respect and personal value/appreciation, just another side of the numbers game.

But just playing devil's advocate, if all the guy knows how to make is mac n cheese or spaghetti, what more can he contribute to the home cooking experience if that's all he knows how to make. maybe teach him some dishes since he likes it so much and y'all can really cook together. And I think generally the home cooking deal is you cook, i wash the dishes.

The other thing with homecooking besides it being kinda sorta cheaper, you get way more leftovers that extends to at least one more meal, sometimes more depending on how much stuff y'all made. You'd be lucky to get a doggy bag at a restaurant
chocopina

@nwso

i totally understand that on the average it costs more to go out and eat than to eat a home cooked meal. however (in my case anyway) we eat at home way more than we eat/go out. we usually eat out on the weekends or on a special day, whereas if i don't cook, he's eating fast food or takeout (which makes me cringe) so i try to cook a few times a week so i know he's getting something healthy. all in all i probably shell out more money (food wise) than he does, but again its all good. we both need to eat and i know he ate something decent.

sometimes we do spice up things by going to the grocery store together and he can pick what he'd like to have, but i pay for it and cook it. i have no problem with that. one of his dealbreakers is his woman has to know how to cook and i knew that upfront. (he grilled numerous people about my cooking skills before deciding to even call me, HA!)

he'd have a non cooking woman as a fb, but he would never take her seriously.

also dude is not a small guy. he's 6' 5" and almost 280. he eats A LOT. there are no such things as leftovers, lol. again specific to my situation, i'm sure the average man does not eat as much as he does.

basically our arrangement is if i handle business at home when we go out he makes sure i am completely taken care of.

i'm just saying it annoys me when guys say they pay for everything. if they don't see the check they assume there was no cost involved. a good number of guys that is, not all.
taylormade

I personally think that deal brakers are stupid, the whole point of being on the dating scene is to find some one, that doesnt fit your "deal breaker" category, because obviously the ones who do, are not working for you, or you wouldnt be dating, Im pretty sure youre at a age, where if you were looking for that person, you would have found them by now. The whole point of dating, is to get out of your box and experience a the type of person that youre not use to, and not single them out, just because she smokes, find out why she smokes, theres a conversation for you on your date, maybe she is trying to quit. find out why he lives with his mom, maybe she's sick and he's taking care of her, while saving to buy a house so that he dosent have to rent. find out why he dosent have a car, maybe he cant drive because of a medical condition, dont single that person out. youre not going to find out everything about that person on one date. Take your time, you've been single this long, its not going to hurt to get to know that person past a few things that you dont like about them. you have family with some of the things that you dont like, but do you disown them? Its not marriage its just dating, you can still talk to other people while getting to know that person.
DIVISION

@Shay: What is he wants you to grow a thick afro-bush in lieu of the wax? Are you cool with a raw bush or would that be a dealbreaker?

I dated a Jehovah's witness who kept that shit raw and jungle, exactly the way I need it. She was my favorite....

I wouldn't consider a woman who shaved the punani.
Torance

Smoking is definitely a deal breaker or smokers lips.
A deal breaker also is the fake socialite: girl always talks about she knows this actor this rapper , blah blah, if you really doing it like that dont speak about it!

Mensplaybook.com
WellDamn24

What I've learned: Men think that they are paying for something more when they pay for a date. Either its sex or compliance, who knows.

My point: I'd rather go dutch or a free date so that we can enjoy each others' company, then involve your $$$$ or mine. Yeah, it might be naive of me. So what?!

My deal breaker? Smarmy men. If a man can't deliver a practiced line naturally, then he need not do it. I'd rather a man be authentic than smooth.
Marie

dang i know im late but dis is really funny but just know us females got alot of deal breakers 4 u guys n yes dis was very helpful lol