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Great, I Found My Lost Condoms

Posted by NWSO • April 27, 2009 • Printer-friendly

Back when I lived in my mother's basement I used to keep my condom stash in a wrinkled paper bag that I stuffed in a box on my closet floor. When I finally got my own place, my hiding place switched to a crinkled Duane Reade bag that I tucked away in my nightstand drawer. Over the years I've found the closer proximity to my bed more convenient than having to leave the comforts of my lover's embrace to go scrounging around my closet.

Anyway, about two months ago I was cleaning up my room and somehow managed to misplace my condom stash. Those bad boys aren’t that cheap (I buy in bulk) so I searched everywhere, behind the nightstand, under the bed, in the trash can, and turned my stash drawer inside out, but no luck. I could replace them easy enough, but still, I wondered where the hell my love gloves could have disappeared to. God forbid they popped up when my moms was visiting. For all I know, she still thinks I’m a virgin. (Yeah, right). Since I didn't have any eminent need for condoms at the time, I chalked it up to a lost cause and forgot about it. I’m sure they’ll pop up at some point or other.

Flash-forward to this past Friday and I found myself repaying a debt to an ex-girlfriend by helping her move. While the scenario sounds weird to most, she helped me move out my mom’s place about eight years ago and after all the BS we been through over the years it was only right I return the favor—or else! (Read: I had little choice in the matter).

Thankfully, she didn't have a lot of stuff but she did make the mistake of not emptying out the drawers in her nightstand and didn’t bother to tape them shut either. Why, you ask? I have no idea, but as expected, all of her stuff fell out when her cousin flipped the nightstand upside down on to the dolly. When her cousin flipped the nightstand back over he realized that some items had gotten lodged behind the back of the drawer. Coincidentally, this was the same nightstand that I have, so I knew the drawers didn't come out and it was a bitch and a half to get anything out from behind there.

“You know you done fucked up, right?” I said. “Those drawers don’t come out.”

"Nah, they gotta come out."

"Son, I'm telling you. I got the same nightstand and got something stuck in mine. I tried forever and the drawers never came out."

"They gotta come out, ’cause how else did they get ’em in?"

"True."

"Ah, here we go, there's a little locking pin underneath right here."

Sure enough I was proved wrong and my ex's cousin slid the drawer out and scooped up all the junk that fell behind it. With that out of the way, we continued unloading the U-Haul truck. One broken TV (butter fingers cousin dropped it), two bookcases and a TV stand built, a wobbly dining room table fixed, and eight hours later my debt was paid and I was treated to a free meal and a ride home.

Anyone that's helped someone move before knows that all the heavy lifting knocks you out. So I hit the bed as soon as I walked in the door and immediately started counting sheep. I woke up some time the following afternoon and went to brush my teeth. As I came back into my room something told me to check my nightstand to see if I could get the drawer out. I put my hand underneath the drawer and felt around until I found the locking pin and slid it out. What would I discover pressed up against the back? My long lost condoms of course. I just checked the expiration date and have 48 hours before they expire, ladies. Who’s down to celebrate with me? LOL. I kid, I kid.

Do you have a special place that you stash your condoms and “personal” items? Have you found the nightstand to be the ideal place for sexual aids or do you refer somewhere more discreet? Have you ever misplaced something and had them pop up in the weirdest places? Have you ever helped a friend move? Would you do it again or use professional movers? Would you help an ex move if they asked you? Why or why not? Do you believe that you can still remain friends with an ex? Would you help me move if I asked? LOL

Speak your piece...

ESSENCE BONUS:

The ladies over at Essence.com called me in as their relationship consultant once again for a battle of the sexes piece called "What He Really Thinks About You." Basically, I polled a bunch of men to break down the main things men don't understand about women. Be sure to CLICK HERE to read it and to comment on the piece as well. Thanx in advance...

Tagged as: condoms, ex, lost & found, moving

Litabia

Soooooooooooooo...basically you gonna be busy for the next 48 hours and that's why you did a topic on a Sunday so we would know why you are missing for the next 2 days. LOL. Joking...I leave the condom shopping to the fellas unless he doesn't have any then we make a quick store run for a 3 pack. But normally they are on the night stand next to the bed...but I'm quite adventurous so he would have to carry a few in his pocket, glove compartment...I mean you never know when the mood will strike up.
July

I keep mine in the chest of drawers close to my bed, in the top drawer along with other personal items that way I know no one is gonna be digging in them except moi.

But I do have a friend who keeps some of her condoms in the fridge apparently it keeps 'em in good condition and adds a nice effect/tingle when putting them on your partner.

As for moving out, I am way too lazy to do any heavy lifting for myself or anybody else so I will just pay for someone to do all that.
Elle

LoL... no condom stash or nightstand hideaway place here. I dont even have a nightstand. I always felt they made bedrooms look corny. Don't ask - I'm weird.
Quite frankly, I always relied on the guy in question to take care of the condoms. But then again I was in 3 long term relationships for the past 13 years of my life which in turn meant that the use of condoms was rather temporary.

As for helping people move: I HATE IT! I have survived a fair share of moves although I have no clue how I survived the last one. My best friend decided to move into the 5th floor of a building without an elevator without the help of professionals. So yea ... ... My legs were sore for what felt like weeks. But I guess it was a nice workout.
In general, I'm rather handy and like to take care of things such as painting walls, tiling walls/floors myself. And I absolutely love IKEA because it reminds me of LEGO.
In essence: I like hooking apartments up and prepping them for the move. But I can definitely do without having to carry all kinds of things to the 5th floor.
distinguishedgentlewoman

I misplaced my panties one night in the heat of the moment. They were granny panties---it was an unplanned encounter---and I was embarrassed to have homeboy find them later on when he could have a good look and a good laugh at my ugly drawers. We searched high and low and couldn't find them anywhere. About two, three months, maybe, later we were rummaging through his nightstand looking for something, and there lodged in the back of the drawer were my grannies. How embarrassing.

BTW: I'll help you move. As long as you're treating me to dinner afterward. I LOVE seafood. LOL.
M. (please say the dot)

I buy in bulk as well!! For some reason, I take them all out and put them in a Crown Royal bag in the closet. 3 in the nightstand at all times though!!!
http://twitter.com/mbrowntheremix Mike Brown the REMIX

I also buy in bulk. I will be ordering the ever elusive flavored assortments on line for the ladies with a sweet-tooth.

Good day to you all. Ha!
Simoneis2good4u

I buy the condoms cause i just don't want to hear, i didn't walk with anything. I would also be impatient to wait for him to go buy some at cvs, while I am already heated and ready to go, so I buy a big box and it sits right on the dresser until it's done to be replaced by another.

As far as moving - i am in the process of doing that right now. I tried painting my current (old) apartment and didn't do a good job at it. My cousin had to come and clean after me. I wouldn't mind helping my friends move and I wouldn't help an ex move.
moonstarz

I'd help you move .
YoungJay

I once was over at a lady friend's, it was getting hot and heavy as we were about to embark on our first mission together and out of the corner of my eye i noticed a condom wrapper on the floor. Needless to say it was empty and because this was my first time with her shawty got the side eye and the fake "F*ck my boys calling me off the hook, he's probably in trouble, i gotta run". So please, if you gonna creep make sure you clean up the evidence immediately.

For some reason Im always the designated mover for my friends. Its probably cuz im the most organized of the bunch but nonetheless im gonna have to learn to say Noooo lol
oncesunny

I have this little cube box that has cats on them thats where I store my condoms. I call it the cat box
da ThRONe

I dont have sex! And when I did call me cheap but I use to grab the free ones. And I use to stach them as close to the "Bone Room"(School Daze) as possible. I just refuse to spend money on stuff that always expire on me(expired condoms always bruise my ego) or I just end up giving away!

I hate moving and my best friend moves alot(bastard) carrying heavy stuff isnt my idea of a good time. And why isnt it the person whos moving carries the least amount of stuff?
http://www.twitter.com/duepayer Shawn Lee

I keep mine right by my bed in a "Chock-full-o-Nuts" bag that I got from the school clinic one time. I shit you not!
Dr. BluInBK

I hide things in my underwear draw. I do not got through the work to place it in a box or anything. But, I might place it in some stockings or something.
ice jones

i NEVER leave the condom buying to the guy...if he brings them, great, but i always have back up...not trying to hear the lame line about "oops i forgot them...guess we'll have to go w/o"...NOT, pump your brakes buddy! also not trying to stop the flow of things by having to throw on clothes to run to the store to cop some...besides, i'm not trusting the rubbers they pull out of their back pockets, wallets, etc...who knows how long those things have been there...i keep my stash and toys in my night stand...grown ass woman who lives alone, what i look like hiding anything? besides, chances are, if anybody feels comfortable enough to rifle through my shit, they've already been lucky enough to have seen me open the drawer in the first place lol...

as for the ex and moving thing, i'll be moving at the end of june and fully expect my ex to break a sweat...shit, i've already enlisted the services of a few jump offs too...should make for an interesting day but shit, at least it won't be me doing the heavy lifting...dont see anything weird about helping an ex move unless the break up was horrible or you're helping them move in w/ their new significant other
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gettinkinky Gettin Kinky w/ Chia

I would help my ex move, and I'm sure he would help me too if he wasn't too busy, unless I was moving into a new boyfriends house . I keep some condoms in a jewelry box on my dresser and also one or two in my goody drawer in my dresser, right next to the cuffs and blind fold lol
AGrownAzzMan

Ok, I only have one thing to say. "I buy in bulk" ???? You go boy...LOL
Seriously, No Seriously

Well i'm a single mom so I have to hide everything! Over the years it has become a hassle finding new hiding spots. I have never left it up to the man to bring the condoms I have a variety so there will be no excuses! I usually just get them from my hiding spot and put it next to the babywipes next to the bed. I did misplace one of my fav vibs and still havent found it! I'm hopeful when I move It will appear!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@July

The fridge? hmmm, i know ice cubes do wonders for an unique sensation. I may have to check that out. Thanx.

@ Elle

Smh. I never understand people that get into committed relationships and stop using condoms. Pregnancy much? I plan to use a condom when I'm married too until we're ready to have kids. Maybe that's just me.

@M. (please say the dot)

LOL at the Crown Royal bag

@MikeBrown

You sir, are a fool
http://slangrap.wordpress.com Aqua

Helping an ex with anything is simply earning points for a "rehash" at later date. And moving is hella exhausting. I'd refer some movers and keep it moving.
July

@NWSO
Welcome sir lol.

@Da Throne
I am with you on the free condoms! Here the free ones are actually more 'heavy duty' than the ones from the stores. Thats great for some of us who are paranoid and scared of catching something but must be a real downer for the dude sensation wise but then again thats his problem not mine.
Shay

I have a "naughty girl bag" where I store all of my happy-fun-time accessories. It's too big to store in a drawer, so I keep it under my bed for easy access.
MizzRenea

I definately have to say i keep my stash in my nightstand. Close to the bed and i actually keep all my "toys", creams, etc. right next to them also. I dont feel i have anything to hide. They could actually be out in the open and i wouldnt trip, i'm grown and we all do it. As for helping an ex move yes, i have stayed friends with my ex's after its all over and done and would still help them out in any way possible. As for helpin you out of course ........
Soulyn

My box of condoms is right on top the dresser in plain sight. I provide my own condoms because I'm allergic to latex.

I have no problem helping an ex move, as long as he returns the favor.
DivineDCdiva

Ok as a female i'm appauled at all the ladies on here that don't buy or have condoms. I'm a firm believer n its better 2 have and not need that 2 need and not have. While i don't immediately go to my stach (white open container under my bead close to the head on my side) i will ALWAYS have a just in case glove. sorry but not taking no risk.

as for moving ... i'm just that kinda chick where i would help and ex move if he asked but all my exes also no i have a bad back so i'm not doing any heavy lifting. Hell they've helped me move why not help them.
mine jaz

haha i keep my condoms like i keep lip chap...every odd place possible. i have like a little 2-3 set stash in about 3-4 different places at my spot not including the set i keep in my purse or if im not carrying a purse on my persons in general! and yea personally i like rough riders and those are free so i be diggin in the bucket to find wat i like .....
VirgoVida

This was a funny post. Dum Dums are kept in the top drawer (who has time to go to any drawer beyond that?)
Toys are kepy under the bed in a flimsy Nike backpack, very inconspicuous.
Naked you are way better than I would be if put in that situation. I wouldn't help my ex move. The only men she knows is you and her cousin? Whatever dude is in her life right now should have helped her. A sistah would've said, "No, call that B**ch"! Dial tone. LLS
Ameretta

@ NWSO

48 hours left, so that was from Sunday so technically you only got 24 hour left......dang who's gonna help you out?!

Well I have a drawer that holds the condom stash with the flavored lubricants, personal lubricants, & cock rings...( I got the cock ring at a passion party!)

It's 2009 I just dont want to hear any crap from a man that doesn't have a condom on him, I carry my own!!

@ Da THrone

Remember that scene from House Party 1 when Kid was gonna get it on with Tisha Campbell? She snuck him in the house after Play's house party? Remember when he went into his wallet to get the condom and it was dried up? For some reason that scene flashed in my head when I read your post!!
Ms P

I keep mine in my nightstand under a bunch of stuff just in case someone should look in there. Don't ask why I just do. I do believe a woman should have her own condoms. Just because.

As for moving, the last time I moved was 10 yrs ago. At that time I had a 3 y/o & I was moving from my starter home (which I bought before having a baby & she took over). I had no idea I had accumulated so much stuff in that house. I hired movers but I still had to have family & friends help. Ten years later, bigger house, more stuff. If I ever sell this house, I always joke they can buy it ALL!!! I am still having flashbacks from my experience 10 yrs ago, and my mother is still fussing & cussing. As for helping an ex, or current boyfriend move, I would. But of course I am not lifting anything heavy, sweating out my perm, etc soooooo...not sure how much help I would be!!
juju

i always got some handy by the night stand cant always depend on another person and plus it ruins da mood....
help adn ex move to me is a no no helpin a fiend yea sure why not

as for being friends with ex's i personally dont believe in it...why ..because it can re-ignite old feelings...and im sorry but when im done with you im done..i dont feel it s healthy especially wen ur with another person...personal expriences have shown me u can't be friends wit yo ex's but dat just me
ladyaj

Sure, I'd help an ex move...just depended on which ex asked LOL...
As for the condom stash, yes I have my own & make sure it's freshly stocked, but I have to hide it in a diff drawer other than the typical night stand ....actually it's time to move it from that spot too! I've got kids and sometimes they are looking for things and I'd hate for them to find momma's booty loot! LOL
bogart4017

It is possible to be friends with an ex but i wouldnt help one move because i'm not in your life like that anymore, ok? Its prob easier for me cuz i've lived all over and its rare to run into an ex unless i'm back home. Other than that i'd rather keep a friendly distance.
Carla

I was moving into my parent's house a few years ago and my sister dropped the box with my vibrator in it... and I scrambled to get it before my dad could see it. Talk about embarrassing
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=47402596659#/home.php?ref=home Jenn Perez

Ok.. OMG.. I dont even know WHY I'm about to say what Im going to say but Im going to say it..
So.. Im a female and I um.. have my own special 'toy'.. Its called a butterfly and its a vibrator. ..
A few years back, my bro was on vacay from the Marines and staying at my house since he wanted to be close to his neice and nephew.. Well, my husband was in DR and I was a bit lonely ~~ and you know the rest.. Soooo.. I did my bizness and took my butterfly to MY bathroom to clean it up and all that but I was a bit tired and left it on my sink wrapped up in a wipe. Fast foward to that next morning.... Low and behold I wake up late so Im rushing not to be late to work.. my bro wakes up to help me and goes to MY bathroom to stock the baby wipes.. and he for some reason PUTS my VIBRATOR in my Kid's Diaper Bag!!!
I drop off my kids..head off to work.. about an hour later.. i get a call from my sitter...She could barely speaking because she is laughing so Hard..
My little girl who was walking loved looking in purses, bags....and emptying it out. Well, this day she was looking in her diaper bag ~ set off the vibrator and crapped her pants cuz she got SO scared that the bookbag started moving!! And me, Well I had to fake the funk and say that it was my brother's girlfriend....had to tell her to throw it away and of COURSE head out to that "special' shop to purchase a 911 Butterfly!!!!
Isn't that Wonderful!!!!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Jenn

HILARIOUS!!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=47402596659#/home.php?ref=home Jenn Perez

@ NWSO.. Thought you'd enjoy that!! Like Fat Joe says.. TRU Story!! LOL!!
Seattlesfinest

Well...they are in the top drawer in the night stand of course. Along with the oils, "toys", cuffs...aka adult items. Why move then anywhere else? The closer to us the better.