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Things Men Don’t Understand About Women

Posted by NWSO • May 1, 2009 • Printer-friendly

Earlier this week, the ladies over at Essence.com called me in to do a piece on the “10 Things Men Don’t Understand About Us (Women).” To come up with the list, I polled a bunch of guys from my contact list (thanx, fellas) and picked the best and most common answers. After I added my two cents, a few select ladies offered up some explanations for their perplexing behavior. While the piece turned out pretty well and got some decent feedback (a couple haters, too), there are way more than 10 things that men don’t understand about the opposite sex. While Essence.com got the PC version, I decided to share the raw and uncut transcripts from the fellas here. Some of these are way off topic (LOL), but I think it makes for an interesting read to see how men and women think differently. Feel free to add your own questions about the opposite sex or add insight into why women do some of these quirky things.

Speak your piece...

THE CALIFORNIA DREAMER DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Hating on other girls.
2) Getting dressed up and decked out to shine on other girls.
3) Dressing half naked and then wondering why guys are getting at them at the club.
4) Going to the bathroom together.
5) Going on dates with dudes that they don’t like just to get some free stuff.
6) Cry.

THE LONER DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Calling me while I'm out when I told you I'll be out late.
2) Only wants to hang out if it's with me.
3) Trying to "set me up" with your friend's husband/boyfriend.

THE TRAVELING MAN DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) ’Sup with the toilet paper usage?
2) If it wasn't important why did you bring it up?
3) What do you mean I never ask what's going on with you? Don't we always talk about you?
4) When you talk about your day and problems, I’m supposed to listen to you not to solve them, right?
5) Why is it so bad if I momentarily forget your name for introduction (I know we fucking but...)?
6) So you really aren't hungry for anything in particular but you don't want XYZ, right?
7) ’Sup with the hot girlfriend who always seems like she'd be with it? Is it on or what?
8.) What's really up with the next day call after sex?
9) When you’re wondering what I’m thinking, just ask me, don't wander around a question.
10) Why do women sometimes bullshit around when they know they’re interested in you?

THAT DUDE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) I hate when I’m out with, or at the house of a woman that I've already slept with and say, they decide to change clothes in front of me and try to cover up, like I've never seen them naked before.

2) I don't like when women knowingly date dudes that I know after we've stopped seeing each other.

3) I hate when women complain about their weight/shape and when I suggest solutions (politely and compassionately) they act like I'm calling them fat or something.

4) I don't like when women NEVER EVER even bother offering to pay for an outing or when they all of a sudden have to go to the damn bathroom when the check comes.

5) I don't appreciate when women try to get mad because my car is in the shop and I can't pick them up for a date or spontaneous outing, like I ain’t shit all of a sudden. "You need to get your car fixed!" Bitch! I agree! The fuck? You think I like this shit?!? Adding to that, they act like it’s such a BIIIIIG hassle for them to scoop me up once in a blue moon. Shit, it ain’t like you about to pay for the outing (refer to previous peeve).

6) I hate when women I'm dating assume I'm either fucking, want to fuck or have fucked every girl that says hello to me in public.

7) This may be mean, but women who get ALL or most of their love advice from their divorced or manless mothers? FAIL.

8.) Women who do stuff out of spite immediately after a little spat. Stuff like smile at every nigga that so much as looks at them after they see a woman name in my phone (which 99.9% is about business or family).

9) Women who hang with straight up scandalous hoes and act surprised when some foul shit happens.

10) Women who spend frivolously, eat out all the time, smoke, drink, etc. and wonder why they broke.

11) Women who interpret my wanting to help and encourage as me "trying to control them."

THE INTERNATIONAL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Breaking plans at the last minute possible.
2) Wanting to be best friends with my friends, like messaging them a lot on FaceBook and other things. Makes me feel as if she's trying to spy on me. What happens if we break up?
3) Not making an effort to be friends with my friends. Seems like a contradiction I know but my friends need to think she's at least cool or it's hard to bring her around them.
4) Expecting gifts (not birthday or holiday). It's hard to be romantic or thoughtful if someone is constantly nagging or suggesting crap.
5) Giving me a gift only a girl would appreciate. (I.e. flowers, candy).
6) Telling me EVERYTHING that happens in her workday. They need to learn how to filter out info that I won't understand or care about.
7) Telling stories about how her and her friends play dudes in the club when someone hits on them or tries to buy them a drink. That annoys me because A) I feel the dude’s pain B) I know you’re hot—that's why I’m dating you C) It makes me think you’re a bitch D) If I didn't meet you through a friend we would probably never have got together.
8.) Using PMS as an excuse.
9) Crying and becoming emotional just to win a fight. She messes up and then cries and turns the focus of the argument around so she doesn't have to admit she is wrong or say sorry.
10) Needing to TALK ALL THE TIME. I mean they want to Gchat, text, call, FaceBook, email on at least two of those twice a day.

THE REALIST DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Asking do you miss me when I just saw you in the last 48 hours.
2) Asking relationship caliber questions when we are not in a relationship.
3) Asking to go on trips together when we barely see each other as it is.
4) Hanging out at clubs regularly but claiming they don't go out.
5) Watching Oprah and quoting it like it's the Bible.
6) Not reaching for the check at any point but claiming to be independent.
7) When women read a relationship book or magazine and try to read the script to a man like it's their own.
8.) Wear fake hair, fake lashes, fake nails, hella make up and have cosmetic surgery and claim to be real.
9) Telling a man how to be a man.
10) Everything.

THE MIDWESTERN SWINGER DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Asking about what you like sexually, seemingly so that she can oblige, only to say she'll never do it because "that other bitch probably did that."
2) Let you start the pregame warm up and when you're ready to land the deal ONLY THEN inform you that Aunt Flo's in the house.
3) Expecting you to like going shopping with her for hours.
4) Expecting you to be able to read their minds because "you should know me by now."
5) Asking you questions out the blue like, "if you had to pick one of my friends, which is the prettiest?" You say none, she's mad at you for thinking your crew is a bunch of deuces (busted chicks). You say one of them, she mad ’cause you been secretly eyeing that one. You don't answer, y’all have a problem with being honest. It’s a set up, holmes!!!!!

THE YOUNG CAT DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Tell me that "nothing's wrong," when clearly something is.
2) Says that we have an open relationship, but gets mad when someone flirts with me on FaceBook or Twitter.
3) Asking "Does this make me look fat," is annoying.
4) Girls who get mad that I have celebrity crushes are confusing.
5) Girls who say they're "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T," but mad clingy.
6) Women who talk about how dope their boyfriend is, but still sleeps with me is confusing.

THE BAD BOY DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Invite you out to eat and then expect you to pay.
2) Asks you to tell the truth and then raise hell when you do.
3) Assume the relationship has reached a certain level without any verbal confirmation from the guy.
4) Feel depressed because they've gained weight and then eat foods like ice cream, cake or chocolate to comfort their overweight depression.
5) Put on fake hair, fake eyelashes, fakes eyebrows, spanx, high heels, a pushup bra and then want a dude to be real with 'em.

THE QUIET ONE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Women will say things like, "Oh, Valentine's Day is no big deal," or "Anniversaries aren't all that important to me." Don't be fooled, they're lying to themselves when they say such things.
2) Asking for advice knowing damn well they already made their mind up. What's the point?
3) Talking on the phone to the wee hours about absolutely nothing, then copping an attitude when you ask to go because ya know, you have to get up in the morning. That ish is cute during the initial courtship but not too much longer than that.

THE FUNNY MAN DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Asking me to be honest, that she won’t get mad, only to regret that decision.
2) Asking "what’s happening now," when we are both clearly seeing the same movie for the first time.
3) Assuming any woman I say hello to or know, that she doesn’t know of, wants to fuck me or I her.
4) Not being herself around my guy friends.
5) Asking me if "she's fat" and not accepting any answer that comes out of my mouth.

THE PLAYBOY DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Try to be territorial over you, while reiterating that it's not a commitment until it's officially a relationship.

2) Get into sexual relationships without commitment, knowing that more than likely, they can't handle a sex without attaching emotions.

3) Do everything but say "no" when a guy they're not attracted to approaches them. They'll do all types of shit - say they "value the friendship," say they're not dating right now, etc. It's like "No" is a cuss word but every guy has been told "no" before, so it's not a big deal.

4) Approach guys as a project to change, instead of getting at someone who they mostly like everything about. Don't try to change a drug dealer or a domestic abuser if that's how they were early on—pick someone who you won't have to change that much about.

5) Act like a guy has a choice in any given situation, even though she already has her mind made up beyond repair. Such as, "You can go ahead and talk to your ex if you WANT," knowing that it's gonna piss them off and that they'll retaliate. Or, if you're talking about breaking up and a girl asks you if you think a reconciliation is possible. But when you say yeah, she says "I don't think it will work."

6) Coming through after midnight for anything other than sexual activity. We all learned what "You wanna watch a movie" meant after graduating high school. Sure, you can say no when he tries, but why put yourself in that situation in the first place?

7) It's confusing to me when women rock clothes they KNOW don't suit their bodies, just to be on the whole defiant "I'm beautiful/sexy no matter what" tip. You NEVER see fat dudes rockin’ muscle shirts or sleeveless tees, but you see mad fat women rockin’ form-fitting clothing. Why?

8.) It's confusing to me when these women's friends give their inappropriate clothing their approval, and actually SAY, "Girl you look GOOD," knowing that men aren't going to approach them if they dress that way. Oh, or maybe they do that because no good Black men are left, and they wanna wipe out the competition (sarcastically). Which leads to number 9.

9) It confuses me when women say "there aren't good men out there," or when they say "ni**as ain’t shit," instead of looking into what attracts them to guys that are wrong for them. All that complaining will do is piss them off and bring more negative energy; self-introspection is more likely to solve problems.

10) It confuses me that women often equate a rich man with a good man, while money can be another tool used to abuse a woman if he's already a disrespectful type. An associate earlier was talking about how too many "decent" guys are praised despite not being above average, while simultaneously praising Reggie Bush, saying, "well at least he is rich as fuck and sexy as hell. That = flawless in my handbook!!!!" Smh.

Tagged as: Advice/Dear NWSO, battle of sexes, Essence Magazine, relationship consultant

http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

Amen! Women are just unstable for whatever reason. I think men turn gay when they finally figure women out and just give up cause its a lost cause!

I love females but they just have the dumbest issue. Men can be so heartless sometimes but atleast there is a point to it. It like females just dont wanna be happy sometimes. They look for every reason possible to disrupt any peaceful situation. Im sorry to go off ,but this just seemed like the right time!
http://www.gangstarrgirl.com GangStarr Girl

Some of these men are a little confused. A lot of these pet peeves are not necessarily specific to women, but relationships in general. Men can be quite the he-bitches too, especially when it comes to calling all the time and asking what's on your mind blah blah blah.

This one:

1) Tell me that “nothing’s wrong,” when clearly something is.

Is definitely a female thing. But some of those need to be rethought.

Like this one:

1) Try to be territorial over you, while reiterating that it’s not a commitment until it’s officially a relationship.

Which is general. Plenty of men are guilty.

Just sayin...
VAGreenT

@ da ThRONe..

things i don't understand about you_man, why are you always so bitter? cheer up. we women aren't so bad after all (please note don't group all females together b/c there's a difference b/w a woman and a girl). when was the last time you were involved with a woman? my point exactly. if you've given up on us b/c you think we're a lost casue, then it's ok. maybe instead of bash us, try to date a man/boy and see how that goes since you ASSume you all are much less perplexing.

@ MEN in general...

i think you men need to do a better job at selecting women NOT girls. i pose the same questions to girls i don't understand why they do the things that are listed above. BUT my women friends, not so much.
EmotionalFunk

Love this list ,lol.
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@VAGreenT

I havent been in a real relationship since the twin towers were still up! So I avoid girls ever since I became a man. And I apologize for grouping all females together when I should have said girls and not ladies. But you guys are rare like Micheal Jordan rookie cards LOL!
VAGreenT

@ da ThRONe,

twin towers? LMAO see that's the problem. why don't you start at ground zero and rebuild... slowly but surely. yes, we ladies are rare but you gotta have the audicity of hope. remember how you felt when you actually found that MJ 23 rookie card? priceless like a mastercard commercial, right?

how can we understand each other when we're speaking two different languages? i think in general, we women and men, need to learn how to communicate effectively by saying what we mean and meaning what we say. often times i feel people suppress their intentions in order to safeguard their feelings out of fear of getting hurt. a lot of the miseducation would be minimmized if we kept it real. but we can find solace in blogs like this which open up such dialog in a way that can translate well in a relationship. i know i've taken a lot of pointers of what to do and what not to do from this blog. and i appreciate NWSO for facilitating such a medium... i think my boo does too LOL

"no passion so effectively robs the mind of all its power of acting and reasoning than fear." Edmund Burke.
Anonymous

These lists are so hilarious. I almost want to write my ex an "I'm sorry for being bipolar" letter, lol.

I am horrible with the "nothing's wrong" when I am really pissed off. I do it because I want to avoid conflict. I don't like to argue.

LMAO @ Put on fake hair, fake eyelashes, fakes eyebrows, spanx, high heels, a pushup bra and then want a dude to be real with ‘em.

-Shay
http://inthesunshyne.blogspot.com yes

lmao so many issues, I don't know where to begin addressing them
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@VAGreenT

I just promised myself next time I settle down its going be with somebody special.(That sound like a Jodeci song LOL) Im just let with a bunch of Sam Bowie rookie cards.(My basketball folk going get that one)

I agree that communication is always key *Shay* LOL.
July

What a list! The last one by 'The Playboy' was on point and honest especially this one:

"Get into sexual relationships without commitment, knowing that more than likely, they can’t handle a sex without attaching emotions."

Don't lie to yourselves ladies if you can't handle it just don't even take a trip down that road!

As for the dude who said something about high heels...blasphamey
oui_3

Nice...

Need to make a copy for the fridge for when i start looking for a new husband, lol. Just kidding (not really...). But seriously, I think i learned a few things. Thank you much ^_^...
Elle

Some things should be self-explanatory and do not take a rocket scientist to figure out. Come on now guys, you know you can do it. Stop playing dumb. Life could be a lot easier if both sexes tried to see the world through the eyes of the opposite one more often. After all, it's not that hard.

Secondly, learn from your mistakes. If your last girl threw a fit when you answered the infamous "does this make me look fat" question, prove some sense and choose a different answer the next time around. There is no need to ask why women do it. Just accept the fact that a lot of us do, and react accordingly.
If the woman you're seeing is controlling/bipolar/clingy, leave the relationship. I don't understand the fuss. Life is really simple, unless you complicate it artificially.

Personally, I don't have to know why men do or do not do certain things. The only "thing" I have to know is the man I am sharing my life with. If there is anything I do not understand about his actions or his reasoning, I ask. And whatever answer I get is correct in his particular case, but it may be different for the next guy. So why try to understand all men when in fact I'm only dealing with one at a time and every man is different?

I am a firm believe in "if it's mean to be, everything will fall into place" because it has been true for me in every possible situation. The only times dealing with a man was complicated and confusing was when we weren't a good match to begin with. If a relationship is killing your last nerve, confusing, irritating, annoying, stressfull, overly hard work, chances are you should have let go of it a long time ago. Yes, relationships require a special kind of work if they are supposed to last longer than a season. But they do not require sleepless nights, reoccuring fights, misundestandings and so on. If two people are a great fit, things will work smoothly without them really having to do much - at least in my personal experience it has been that way.

And let's not forget: half of the list can be said about men too. Just saying.
Anonymous

LOL @ the spanx comment, but they can go a long way in smoothing out an outfit (just get rid of em before u get 2 gettin)
And the do I look fat? question, we ask that cause we know weight is a big deal 2 lots of guys. Skinny girls ask it, fat girls ask it...your answer is NO...if we have any real friends, a mother, or a DISCERNING eye we already know the REAL answer to that question lol
MotownDre

THE REALIST DOESN’T UNDERSTAND…
1) Asking do you miss me when I just saw you in the last 48 hours.

So True!! lol Give me an opportunity to miss you 1st. This is one of those questions that doesn't need to be asked. Let me tell you on my own that I miss you.
moonstarz

It's funny because my estranged husband acted very much in the manner of a lot of these points. Hence, why he is estranged.

He would call me the man in the relationship.

I hate shopping, so I do it online for the most part. I will walk out of a store if the lines are too long. I also hate trying on clothes and do it only if necessary.

I have NEVER asked a man if he missed me because if he did, he would tell me. I also HATE being asked that.

If I want your honest opinion, I'm going to suck it up, period.

I do not ask my man what he thinks about my friends because they are just that, MY friends.

I also don't keep friends who are suspect.

I CAN have a sexual relationship and not get emotional.

Heck, I can like you a lot and not act all emotional so I'm not clingy and I hate to be clung to. I have a life, interests and responsibilities that exist outside of a relationship.

I ALWAYS offer to pay when I go out with a man. I won't even accept a date if I know I don't have money to cover my portion of the bill. When the check comes my wallet comes out.

I don't hate on any women. A fly chick is a fly chick. I'm going to get mine just like she's getting hers.

I rarely post on the social networking site of a man I am seeing because I feel that if I have contact with you outside of the site I don't need to post all kinds of messages. I think that is insecure. I also think that many people who are FB, Myspace stalkers only do so because that is their only means of communicating with the person they're posting to.

Also, if my guy is going to be out with his friends, I will only text once to ask if he's having a good time and then go enjoy my me time.
Anonymous

I just want to say... not all women are like this.. and while men do have some valid points, some things are just self explanatory:

i.e.: Fake this and that... she wasnt getting no play before w/o it... but now you pay attention/out on a date with her... So you need to be real on that one...

I could go down the list... but Men take a moment to listen, maybe a trusted (female) friend can help you out... but the confusion can be cleared up real quick...

I just want to date THAT DUDE... I'll pick you up boo.... NO problem...LOL!
YoungJay

@ The List...

Church, Preach, Tabernacle!!!
K-Love

WOW...Is all I have to say. I ask them same questions and I am a woman. Look deep before you leap. Make sure that you are dating a woman and not a girl. Alot of those comments don't mean a hill or beans to me.

Now don't go downing weave...It can be a good thing, Im versatile and I like to look different from time to time, that does not make me "less real". If you ask me if it is mine, i will tell you "Hell yeah, I'm proud of my Remi."

In reference to "That Dude", dating a girl that is not willing to pay for the date, im sorry you need to upgrade. We are in a recession, we all need to chip in for entertainment. He needs to venture out, most girls in the club are there cause they got in free in hopes that someone will by them a drink because they are half naked. That was how the club scene was 8 years ago when i was a spring chicken.

It's so many misunderstandings...I will be commenting all day if i addressed every misunderstanding, and somethings aren't for men to understand. Ask the right questions you get the right answers, and always remember that to every action there is a reaction.

And men, do you even understand yourself, I have to ask because, alot of these misunderstanding are poor judgement on your part. Trust and believe that chick did not get that way over night.

LMAO@ taking love advise from divorced or manless mothers. Im good on that one, my parents have been together for 39 years, and still act as newlyweds sometimes.

Im so glad i found a man that understands me and I understand him, and when we don't see eye to eye, we just agree to disagree.
bellabellablue

@VAGreenT

AMEN!!...I agree with your comments... the whole time i was reading the comments of the "men" and what they don't understand..i was thinking...THAT'S ALL LITTLE GIRL GAMES...with a woman we won't leave men/boys guessing...you'll know what we want,think, and mean when we speak...thanks again
Cali

Ok, I first would like to say for The Traveling Man- the statement made on forgetting a woman's name momentarily when your introducing her, how the hell does that work. See that's why there's so much shit out here cause ni**az laying down with people they don't really know. If you talk to a chick and can't remember her name you need to slow your role. You too HOT out here. And y'all fucking too. Damn right that's something to be pissed about. You can remember her name when you want some, but not when you all are out on the scene. I think if a guy like that has so much going on to where he can't remember your name, is NO GOOD! Leave that dog ass ni**a alone cause you ain't the only name he forgetting.

And my second comment is for The California Man- Crying! I mean really! Everyone cry's, Men and Women. Period! You can't understand why women cry, ask your damn self the same question why do MEN cry?
LadyPac

First off, I have no idea what kinda women most of these men usually hang around. I'm not saying they're making up some of these problems, but if they keep running into females that act the way they complain about, it might be time for them to look elsewhere.

There was a couple things that I found rather offensive.
Like "using PMS as an excuse." PMS is one of the many things a man will never experience. It's like someone who never has even a slight headache telling a person suffering from a migraine attack to "not use it as an excuse."
Why do women cry? Do we, like, all the time? I did cry a few weeks ago at my friend's 9 day-old niece's funeral. I did cry to my girl on the phone right after breaking up with a man I really liked. If you keep dating little girls who start the waterworks about everything and anything, again, you might wanna consider that you keep being attracted to the kind of females you then have serious problems with.

I, like July, found The Playboy's list the only one that made true sense as a whole. My own experiences and those of the women around me whom I respect, tell me that a lot of us have been guilty of more than one of those "hard-to-understand" acts before. And just like The Playboy, I do see quite a lot of women do them, and no, I don't understand why either. I could make up excuses for them, but I can't justify them.

I also find it interesting that only by asking a few men, who, however you wanna put it, don't represent the male population as a whole, you can already find contradictory statements.
THE LONER DOESN’T UNDERSTAND...
3) [why women are] Trying to “set me up” with your friend’s husband/boyfriend.
THE INTERNATIONAL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND...
3) Not making an effort to be friends with my friends. Seems like a contradiction I know but my friends need to think she’s at least cool or it’s hard to bring her around them.
So, according to one, a woman trying to include her friends in a new, common circle of friends is annoying; according to another, a woman unwilling to include his friends in a new, common circle of friends is annoying.
That, I believe, shows clearly that each of us is different, and even though there seem to be some common traits highly typical of each sex (and talking about them should help us understand the opposite one better,) making generalizations is usually THE problem.
Kelly

1) ’Sup with the toilet paper usage?
'Cuz we like to keep our azz clean, so what? I like what Terrence Howard had to say about the babywipes - "Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean." Why would you even question why we like to KEEP CLEAN? Isn't it usually guys complaining about women being stank down there, geez you can NEVER please everyone!

2. Why is it so bad if I momentarily forget your name for introduction (I know we fucking but…)?

If this is an issue, you need to slow your roll and stop having so much casual sex. This is a sign that you are TOO HEAVY IN THE STREETS, ok?

3. ’Sup with the hot girlfriend who always seems like she’d be with it? Is it on or what?

If a guy I was seeing asked me that, it would be the end of the relationship. Why would you even speak that OUT LOUD unless you KNEW ya girl was down?? That's an instant "you're fired" right there. Boy, bye.

4. I hate when I’m out with, or at the house of a woman that I’ve already slept with and say, they decide to change clothes in front of me and try to cover up, like I’ve never seen them naked before.

I do this, heck.. why are you staring? Getting dressed is sometimes awkward, don't be rude, look away at the tv or something. Who cares if you've seen me naked? Who wants to do the awkward jumping wiggling dance to get into your jeans or spanx in front of a dude anyway? Not me.

And who's hating on Spanx?? Spanx are god's gift to women, they smooth out everything and make clothes hang perfectly. You should be glad a female is taking the time to care for her appearance. Like, I said you can't please everyone, because if it's not someone complaining about spanx, nails, etc there is someone complaining because you don't have makeup on, a manicure and a muffin top.

Get it together in 2009 men and stop sweating the small stuff.
LadyPac

@da ThRONe

You say: "Women are just unstable for whatever reason. I think men turn gay when they finally figure women out and just give up cause its a lost cause!"
"I love females but they just have the dumbest issue. Men can be so heartless sometimes but atleast there is a point to it."

Am I unstable?
Can a straight man "turn gay?"
Do I have the dumbest issues?
What is "the point" to "men being heartless," while women are just naturally unstable and apparently have nothing better to do than having "dumb issues?"

I remember you saying on more than one occasion earlier on this blog that you go on a date with no specific expectation and just want to enjoy yourself. (Which, in general, I consider a perfectly valid point, something we all might wanna practice.) However, remember that NEGATIVE expectations are expectations as well. If what you said in your post is TRULY what you believe "a woman" is like, that's what you EXPECT her to be. That's no better than women who claim "there are no good men left." That's not only painfully bitter, but simply untrue as well.
distinguishedgentlewoman

Jeez, according to this list there are a lot of things men dislike and don't understand about women.

C'mon, fellas. There must be something(s) men like about us. I'm feeling a bit optimistic today, so I will present another topic: Things Men Love and Admire About Women. Notice I said "women" not "girls."
LadyPac

OK, I could go on and on about the lists, but I promise I'll stop here.

I just wanted to add that even though I thought The Playboy had made the most valid points, there was something I chuckled out loud about. He says, "You NEVER see fat dudes rockin’ muscle shirts or sleeveless tees, but you see mad fat women rockin’ form-fitting clothing."

Oh, really? LOL
I suppose he isn't paying as much attention to his male counterparts on the street or the train, but comes summertime, there isn't a day I don't see several fat dudes wearing wife beaters (with entire jungles of underarm hair sticking out.) Are they more of an eyesore than an obese woman sporting a cat suit revealing the biggest camel toe? No.
They are just as bad.
ice

Yo, seriously, my head hurts from reading this list right now. Some of those things make me wonder what type of women you fellers are dating (and why you keep dating them)...

Can we do the flip side of this? The things men do that leave us ladies scratching our heads?
YoungJay

@ Kelly

Im a guy and I have nooooo problem with a woman and her Spanx...it actually shows that she wants to look presentable in that form fitting dress her man likes so much.

@ Distinguishedgentlewoman

You bringing up doing the topic "What Men Love About Women" made me realize that the reason Im having trouble finding a good woman is because instead of looking for the things i love in potential partners, im too busy weeding out and making sure people dont have stuff on my list of no-no's. Kudos to you, you just changed my life : )
paulettebajangal

ROTFL

10) Needing to TALK ALL THE TIME. I mean they want to Gchat, text, call, FaceBook, email on at least two of those twice a day.

ROTFL
paulettebajangal

Hit me up when you're ready for feedback on the things men do to make us go.....hmmmm??!@#$$

But the brothers are on point with their observations though.We can get like that sometimes.I want a phone call answered or response to a message...like pronto.Cause that's the type of person I am.

I have no problem paying for dates...but I need to know a brother can afford to pay for it anyways.Cause I'm not a gold digger and I'm not looking to be yo mama either.lmao
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Elle

You said, "If your last girl threw a fit when you answered the infamous "does this make me look fat" question, prove some sense and choose a different answer the next time around. There is no need to ask why women do it. Just accept the fact that a lot of us do, and react accordingly."

Soooo, we're supposed to lie to women? I don't mean you have to be an ass in your comment, but I'd rather tell you something is "off" than to roll with you in the street knowing you don't look right, especially when you asked me.

SMH
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Cali

First, funny how your name is Cali and you calling out the California Dreamer

Second, I think the crying comment was more about not obvious reasons for tears like death and tragedy, but some women literally cry over spilt milk or the most simple thing. I've seen women cry at movies (it's a movie and you're grown) I did cry at the end of Transformers the cartoon movie when i was a kid though. They killed Optimus, man. LOL. But I was like 8
anon

Ok, so tell us what you DO understand???

Thanks!
Kai

I think some of these apply to both men AND women. However I whole-heartedly agree that women as a whole are completely confusing and over-emotional - and I am a woman!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Ladypac

See previous reply regarding crying

As for The Loner's comment. I think what he meant was some women's inclination to think that just because your friend's boyfriend/husband is a man that you two should be friends when you may have nothing in common at all. So it's like I don't want to be friends with your girlfriend's mate, i have my own friends. If it happens it happens, but don't make "dates" for me and some random dude to hang out.

LOL
paulettebajangal

I can't even front either.We do what the fellas are talking about.I've done most of those things.And will probably keep doing them too.lmao

It's just the nature of the beast when you're dealing with a woman. We get emotional...walk with some tissues homies.

Cause at the end of the day..most of these fellows will tell you ..."i didn't tell you cause you didn't ask."
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Kelly

Trust me (well for me at least) there's nothing like looking at a woman's naked body. While you may have insecurities about it, if he's really into you and you've been intimate already he doesn't care about any extra lady lumps. I want to stare at your hip bone, look at your breasts and ass. In the moment of afterglow or for a woman you really love/dig her body is poetry in motion. But besides that we already seen you butt naked with socks on and had you bent all which ways so what's the point in covering up. In fact, come here so i can bend you over again. LOL

sorry i had a moment y'all, as you were

LOL
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ Distinguished G

You taking it to the same place some of the Essence.com readers took it. Who said anything about things we HATE or DISLIKE about women (maybe someone said it, but I didn't nor did I title/frame it that way). The intended list is just about things men don't understand or get confused about. Why it gotta be viewed as super negative for the things we hate? I don't hate women and as confusing as y'all are (us too) I loves me some women. Can't live without em
distinguishedgentlewoman

@ NWSO:

Never said you were a member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club (yeah, Bill Cosby, I love The Little Rascals). There's just a lot of negativity on the list, and I thought it would be cool to have the male perspective on the positive aspects of the females in their lives.

Like YoungJay said, we---myself included---spend so much time concentrating on what we don't want in a mate instead of focusing on the things that we do want and are looking for.
Anony

Okay this is way loongg but funny.

I might cry after a movie. What's wrong with that? Don't let me be pmsing. And I will blame it on pms, cuz any other time I don't act that way.

Men and Women are different. Of course we react and handle situations differently.
Elle

@NWSO

It's not about lieing. It's about being understanding of the reasons why she is asking in the first place and dealing with the situation in a diplomatic manner.

A woman who asks such question is either insecure in general or at that particular moment for whatever reason. She isn't asking you to tell her the facts for she knows the facts. She is simply trying to get her ego stroked and is fishing for compliments because you may have been slacking in complimenting her lately. She is trying to make her day a little bit better. She is trying to hear that you still find her attractive.
Is it sexy to be insecure? Probably not. Is it childish to be fishing for compliments? Probably. But it won't disturb the way of the universe if you tell her "you look great to me, baby". That's all that matters to most women anyways. We know our flaws, we don't want to be admired by every man on the face of the earth. But we want to be "the shit" to the man we love. So if you complimented her more often, you wouldn't be faced with such questions.
AND: unless a woman asks "what should I do?" do not offer solutions. We know what we want to do about a problem when we complain about it. Sometimes it is simply about venting and bonding on an emotional level when we get an "oh I understand what you mean". It is really THAT simple.

And on a different note:
As if men had a problem with telling lies - as small or as big as they may be - when it comes to making life more convenient for themselves or when it is about avoiding conflict in any other situation. Puhleassssse!
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@Ladypac

The gay comment was a joke! And if you have a vigina yes you are unstable! LOL

@Elle

Nobody should have to get used to crazyness! Somethings I will just bite my tongue and a lot of stuff I have learn to love(shopping and listening) but some stuff will never be cool.
Ms P

Ummm, sorry but there are ALOT of men out there who want instant relationships, clingy,or are phone-stalkers too! Stop it! I don't like to be rushed & I will go the other way.

As for crying at the movies, I will cry at a movie that touches me. Hell, I cried at an episode of The Closer where a woman's young daughter was murdered. That sista's performance touched me so & I could feel her pain. I may not cry much in everyday life but some movies can bring the tears on!!! I have no explanation for it.
Chanel

I agree with most of these. I readily admit that my relationships started getting better when I stopped getting relationship advice from my sisters and started going to my guy friends instead. Sorry, ladies! That said, traveling man's #5 is dead wrong. That would earn you a quick smack upside the head ... If you've seen me naked, you better know my name!

As for the talking on the phone thing, maybe I'm just weird, but did it ever occur to some of you guys out there that maybe all a woman wants is some good conversation? To me, a man's ability to converse intelligently is very important. If you can't express yourself, that's a big problem. Damn, I don't wanna marry your ass, I just wanna talk about Lost!
ice

@ da throne
"But you guys are rare like Micheal Jordan rookie cards"

Are women really that rare???

Just as I don't agree when women say "there are no good men out here" I disagree completely when men, boys, or whatever they proclaim themselves to be, say there aren't any women out here. I know plenty...every woman may not be the one for you but they're out there...

Not to take any jabs but I also hear men, when they do find a "woman", complain about "little girl" things that she doesn't do that they wish or want her to do. Baby cakes, lets make up your mind:

Examples:
- I personally am not the one to chase. Been there, done that, if I'm feeling you, I let you know, but if you're the kind who likes that extra attention and wants to be chased, sorry I ain't the one. DON'T get me wrong, I will let you know I'm interested but if you don't pick up the ball and make it a two man game, I'm good... I understand that everyone wants to feel wanted and that's all gravy buuuuut sometimes it gets to be a little much.

Other shit that works a nerve or two:
Don't say it if you ain't gonna do it...I've learned at this point to sometimes take what people (not just men) say with a grain of salt bc folks have this annoying habit of saying shit that they really have no intention of following through on. Why you sayin it? Getting upset about the "I'ma call you right back" has been long lost but I'm going to use it bc it's the most common annoyance (why you tell someone you're gonna call them back when you have no intention to do so and YOU KNOW this is huge pet-peeve is a bit beyond me. How about "speak to you later maybe?)

And for the record, both men and women are guilty of this..I've done it...I aim to do better..

- Lastly, and this may just be me, TELL IT LIKE IT IS, (and this is on your list of things women do but it's also something that men do all the time"). If we meet and you're feeling me, I'm feeling you, you may know where my head is at and maybe I'm still trying to figure yours out, but you begin telling me what I want to hear so you can get what you wanna get (ie a session in the bedroom) DUDE..be honest, let a lady know what it is. You don't want a relationship, you don't even wanna chill, you...want...to...bone, scratch an itch...I had a guy tell me straight up one time that he wanted to come check me but we had been hangin tough for a little bit but before i said "yeah cool" he said "but I don't want to come kick it...tryna get into something else". I knew what he was saying, I said nah, I was cool on it (Wasn't tryna take it there) and that was it. Me and dude are still cool to this day...and I respected him for letting me know what it was....TELL THE DAMN TRUTH and BE HONEST.....

mmmk...i'm done now..lol
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@ice

I think good mates are declining for both sexes. Its becoming to much of a trend to be selfish and that is the "deal breaker of all deal breakers" so there not just a shortage on real women but men too. But we're not talking about us right now we talking about ya'll LOL!

Most people I have dealt with in the past 5 years or so both male and female theres been a common theme for them to want things to go there way all the time. Because parents seems to promote that way of thinking in today society. And I think its this way of thinking thats killing relationship. Communication and compromising are fundmental in any sucessful relationship we are microwave babies we want everything right now or we dont want it all. And I think a lot of the things on the list(weither man do them or ladies make a similiar list for guys) is the bi-product of selfish people being selfish(on top of ya'll being unstable already! )
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

I think when we stop trying to figure out where all the good mates have gone and spend more times trying to be a good mate we will always have to ask the question "Where are all the good men/women at?"
single23

I think that these are things that you do understand the reasoning behind most of the things you say you don't understand, but with the thought process being irrational you say you don't understand.
Lets be honest, most men are at face value. You want things in black and white, not because you can't handle colors but because then its easier to make a decision.
Women always look for deeper meanings, we don't take things at face value, because honestly if we just looked at a man the way he is and didn't try to go deeper we really wouldn't date men. I think its mistake to try to change a man, but that's just what we do, whether actively or inactively its been proven that men change when they find a woman they want to be with.
And really playboy, you know exactly why she starts a sexual relationship with you knowing her feeling are going to get attached. Men give love to get sex. Women give sex to get love. so don't act like you don't know.
sixfiguresisters

Wow, "Do I look fat?" really seems to strike a nerve. Who knew?
Caribeza

too funny , I think the women's "Do I look fat?" question is really asking for a compliment, and is almost equal to when guys ask us "am i the best, babes?", or "you like this,just like that" questions about their performance in bed . Just humor us and give us a compliment, guys!

But honestly, if a man really knew the woman in his life, he'd be confused about some things ... but he'd humor it, because for some strange reason, some, not all, women, like to verbalize that they're deep analyzing shit, while some, not all, men deep analyze by watching and then silently making up their minds.

Just take the time to watch/know your man/woman and the answers to most of those non-understandings would be clear. Other than that communicate with the idea that understanding the other person and how they perceive what you say is at least half of your job, as well as communicating what you really think and mean.

Elle was right when she said if it was a good match, then there would be less hassle. People don't like to be alone for too long and start to substitute what they can get for the real thing. It leads to so many mis-understandings.

Women have to skirt around the issues sometimes, because there are too few men out there who understand a woman who's direct. Direct communication doesn't work well in the casual dating arena unless it's "when are we gonna hit it?" We don't want to be responsible for the consequences of the truth. We all want to be wanted and liked and admired too much. it leads to us doing things that are not complimented by the words we say.

The things that cannot be understood in the list seem to mostly belong to the realm of little boys and girls. The people who don't like it but still experience it need to evaluate if they're swimming in the kiddies pool and expecting an ocean cruise and why are they doing it.

You're either afraid of the ocean or passing the buck

peace ...
mine jaz

im from cali ...so for the cali dreamer.. being that u prolly dnt kno the gurls life yes her crying at a movie as nwso stated may seem weird but u dnt kno wat kind of memories tht movie brought up...and as for all these other valid and not so valid things men dnt like or are confused about..... stop focusing on the negative and take responsibility for wat umay have done to cause these things! u kno who u are!
Righteous Mama

Oh I am soooooo guilty of a few of these. But asking your man if you look fat? I know when my ass looks fat. Why ask my man? I prefer asking my girls those type of questions when we go shopping. They never steer me wrong.

Overall, I LOVED this. No complaints from me. I was too busy taking notes.
LolitaBaby

A. Men are also guilty of some of these "confusing" things.
B. Maybe men should rethink how they choose the women they get involved with...maybe you should be more selective so you aren't always dealing with crap.

C. In my eyes, people are people. Men are just like women except for they tend to be more motivated by pride. And that's okay. At the end of the day you still have the psyche of a human, and being that I am human as well, I can sympathize with you.

I don't like confusion, I don't like "wishy-washy"-ness. My thing is, I will always keep it 100%, and I expect the same from you. If I don't like you at the moment, you will hear those exact words. I know that I am a very emotional person, and I know that there are times where I'ma need to check myself. If I love you, I'ma tell you that I love you. I feel like a lot of these "confusing" issues between men and women would be easily solved if we just started being real with ourselves so we could be real with each other.

-I KNOW I'm not fat. Why would I ask you if I'm fat?
-Relationship is not in the question for us, but if I really like you, I'm gonna just let you know that. AND also be responsible and CHECK myself when I start ODing cuz you aint my man!!

Thanks, guys, for letting me know that I'm doing something right LOL
Elle

"Women always look for deeper meanings, we don’t take things at face value, because honestly if we just looked at a man the way he is and didn’t try to go deeper we really wouldn’t date men."

LoL ... if that ain't the truth ...
Mimi in the OC

LOL All I have to say is...I think it's only fair we make a list the other way around next time.
I'm guilty of some of these haha but it goes both ways.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, right?
(Well said Elle)
http://melookingout.blogspot.com Mo

This was pretty funny just reading all this stuff.

But I found it riddled with contradictions as well.

You don't like fake hair, makeup, fake eye lashes but who be tryna saunter up to in the club? It aint the plain jane.

You want me to reach for the check, but when I do, I'm takin your manhood away.

And what you mean "toilet paper usage"? Would you rather my booty be dirty? Just cuz you shake and go don't mean I can.

And I just don't get the whole aversion to listening to your partner's day. Maybe I need to vent cuz otherwise, I may snap and punch someone in the face. Would you much rather a jail marriage.

Obviously this a topic with no end....but they were pretty damn funny LOL
Stolla

Women are socialized to play games. So if you already know the deal why get frustrated. Men are expected to be logical so call a spade and keep it moving. But ooppps that puts the promise of pussy in jeopardy.Hmm that creates quite a dilemma for those of the male persuasion now doesn't it.
stiring the pot

@ Stolla

Women are socialized to play games. So if you already know the deal why get frustrated

let the church say AMEN!!!!!
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@Stolla

With all due respect that was dumb. That like saying your going get raped just get used to it. For anybody male or female to do lil silly stuff that bugs there mate purposely have no idea what the point of being in a relationship in the first place and should just be single.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Elle

I read 3) Asking “Does this make me look fat,” is annoying." differently.

Don't see that about looking for compliments, but a scenario where a woman is getting dressed or buying a dress and asks does this make me look fat (aka does this look good on me?). Me, as a man, hear that as such and would give the thumbs up or down, politely. Think it'd be more of a disservice to say yeah, but that one that looks horrible, babe or yeah rock that one that does nothing for your figure tonight when you want to make a good impression. I think the woman would rather you help direct her to a better purchase/option rather than not having her back and having her look a mess. Of course, you don't say that dress makes you look fat, but you ask your mate for real advice and you should get it.

Now a woman coming up and saying hey, do you like this or how do you like my hair etc is more inline with fishing for compliments, but if the scenario is getting dressed or shopping, i see nothing wrong with directing her to a better option if the one she has isn't right. I'd ask for the same if I said do these shoes match.
LadyPac

I was watching Tough Love (a show in which a matchmaker, who seemingly knows a lot about both the male and female psyche, practices tough love on single women to help them break down their own barriers; if you ask me, it's pretty much the only show on VH1 that makes sense) yesterday, while my man was messing around on the laptop in the background, also listening to it half-heartedly.
In this (last) episode, the women were to invite the men they'd been getting to know on a get-away. All of them were pretty anxious about it. The matchmaker guy said something like, "Women in general are usually nervous at the thought of asking a man out, even though it's highly unlikely that the men will say no."
So, my man, ever the realist, immediately said, "That's stupid. We WILL say yes, so why make such a big deal out of it?" When I said, "There are things that you cannot simply rationalize [insert an example about something he did several times and made no sense to me.]" - to which he pretty much repeated his first remark again. I said, "We're all human, and there might be things each of us just has to accept because they ARE."
This short convo reminded me of this blog. There ARE things that don't need to - or better yet, cannot - be understood. If you're a man and keep running into the same "impossible to understand" issues with women (and again, let's just talk about women, not little girls,) you might wanna learn that, more often than not, they're part of the package. That, of course, applies to us, ladies, too.
Trenton

Funny how this is about the numerous ways women confuse men, and all the women complain about our honest missunderstandings about them. Stop nagging us and help us be more understanding.
DragonFly

I can totally relate to some of these men. Like:

1. I hate when men ask me "do you miss me". Brotha, you just left my bed 2 hours ago. I'm workin!

2. I can't stand long phone conversations. We linking up or what? Is there something specific?

3. don't try to cry yo ass outta this one homie. It melts the heart to see a man cry, but this is overkill...are those real tears?!

4. Um, why don't YOU know what YOU wanna eat. I'm in no particular mood but neither are you so now I gotta think (and crave) for 2?

5. Yo, I work with dude! And he's married! And all I said was hi! Stop trippin'.

6. I don't want you shopping with me. I already know you can't handle this and gone try to make me leave before I'm ready...I told yo butt to stay home with the Playstation, but nooo...

I could go on and on with this list. Pretty funny.

The one I'm not feeling: Playboy's #3. Sorry, but I've tried to tell a couple of cats "no" when they tried to holla...and that flat out ain't a good enough response. This is why we come up with excuses. Because "no" only leads to a lot of extra questions and attempts at convincing us otherwise (like, you need a friend don't you?). lol
Spinster

*off to share this on my Facebook page (giving credit to you of course)*
cali sunshine

this is so funny but ok really from a womans point of view men dont understand because the line of communication isnt there... if it was you would understan that we ask if we look fat cuz we wanna know what you think about what were wearing... yes it is that simple...

gauging our relationship or lack there of... this is a womans way of asking where we stand... and if your honest she may get mad maybe not but were lookin for an honest i still dont wanna go any further then thats what you need to say... do it... lol

starting just sex relationships then cant handle it... lol men do this to.. they just hide it better... lol... how do i know cuz i have male friends lol and bein around them dudes give me a lot of insights on things ive done that arnt cool (yes including some things on this list) im tryin to get better at it...

but the bottom line is if you keep the line of communication open in your relationship you have no reason to be confused cuz you will understand what she do that dumb stuff
Chris Woodson

I agree with alot of the pet peeves of the aforementioned. I believe that men and women are way more dynamic and powerful minded human beings to be generalized but alot of the suggestions highlited due have some weight to it. Communication is the key, also to have a healthy relationship, adults must keep their emotions down and communicate effectively to really established standards, boundaries and overall maintenance
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Kaitlyn

Guys dont understand us girls we are very emotional and acourse we expect the guys to do what we want. I personally always will say Im mad when Im really not but I just do it because mostly I want the attention all on me. Most boys I went out wit when I said that I was mad at them apologized but had no reason for what they were apologizing for. And again WHEN A GUY ASKS A GIRL WHATS WRONG ITS ALWAYS A NOTHING because we expect you to know. Its just a thing that us girls go thru. and honestly i dont understand guys because my ex a day b4 we broke up he told me he loved me and promised me that he was gunna do this and that.l When we broke up he had no reason for it and when i said what the fuck was all that shit last night that you said he said im sorry i dont wanna hurt you but.... and then got off the phone and when a boys says sorry to me it hurts me more. So honestly the battle of the sexes is perfect because guys dont understand girl, girls dont understand boys
http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/2009/05/01/things-men-don%e2%80%99t-understand-about-women/ Lil_Miss_J

This is a very valid argument, and i totally know that women can be confusing. We are very emotional creatures, and i hate it because sometimes my emotions get the best of me.

*International Man:
#8- Using PMS as an excuse.
sometimes women DO use it as an excuse to be a bitch, and i totally know what you're talking about because i know someone who does that. But a lot of the time, women really can't help it. Damn, i watched the movie Aquamarine one time and cried at the end. Haha, i'm not blaming it on my period per se, but i was "PMS-ing".

*The Quiet One:
#1. Women will say things like, “Oh, Valentine’s Day is no big deal,” or “Anniversaries aren’t all that important to me.” Don’t be fooled, they’re lying to themselves when they say such things.

Sometimes women do that because they're trying to drop subtle hints. And we are guilty of thinking that you can read our minds. But Also, women say that because we want to put that out there. I can understand how a man might feel pressure or even be annoyed at this, because it is very misleading. Women sometimes tend to say things they don't mean. And sometimes women really do mean it when they say it. I don't know how to explain how you can tell the difference.

*The California Dreamer:
#4-Going to the bathroom together.

Girls are social creatures, and usually when there's another girl with them they want them to go with because they feel like talking about something. Or if they're in a new place, they don't want to go alone because they want to be familiarized with someone. So it's nothing bad, honestly. Just a little bit of female oddity to you males, i suppose.
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dondoit

girls just need to work on these things instead of nagging about them or getting angry and blamin their pms