You are here: Home » Relationships, Love & Marriage » Would You Sign a Prenup? (The Divorce of Nas & Kelis)

Would You Sign a Prenup? (The Divorce of Nas & Kelis)

Posted by NWSO • May 4, 2009 • Printer-friendly

Late last week news broke that hip-hop power couple Nas and Kelis are heading for Splits Ville after four years of marriage and a baby on the way (Kelis is 7-monhs pregnant with the couple’s first child). Details are still sketchy but sources say Kelis filed for divorce because Nas allegedly was verbally abusive and may have cheated on numerous occasions. Other reports say that there’s a sex tape of Kelis and another man that she claims was filmed before their marriage but Nas just wasn’t able to deal with the public embarrassment. If the divorce goes through, she’s asking for spousal support and child support, as well joint legal and physical custody of their unborn child. For now, I’ll take these reports with a grain of salt because neither I nor anyone else outside of Nas and Kelis really knows what’s going on, so I’ll just wait to see how this pans out. I really like them as a couple, but if this is the end so be it.

Now, celebrity couples breaking up is nothing new, but I was reading a post on the super fine radio personality Egypt’s site, EgyptSaidSo.com, that said Kelis was overseas celebrating her upcoming divorce. Apparently during her toast, the R&B vixen said, “Here’s to taking that muthafucka for everything he has!”

Wow! Despite what Nas may or may not have done/said, why is money one the first things a lot of women think about? I’m not saying all women, but I’ve heard the “taking half” sentiment expressed a lot and it’s usually from the female side, although there are a few gold digging male gigolos as well (i.e. Eric Benet and Guy Ritchie, who got $92 million from Madonna). Yes, I understand that women usually wind up being the caretaker for any children the couple may have and that females generally make less than men in every field, so I’m not disputing the need of spousal support and future child support. But if you’re heartbroken over the loss of your marriage, why is money the first thing on your mind? It’s not like Kelis is a regular chick off the street, she had a moderately successful career before Nas and I’d imagine still pulls in dough from her overseas fan base, so I don’t see the reason to take “that muthafucka for everything he has.” Maybe it’s anger talking, but I’d figure half (or possibly less) would be more than enough in this case.

Kelis’ comment made me wonder about prenuptial agreements and how they’d help avoid anyone getting taken for everything they have. Personally, I’m not sure how I feel about them. I mean, if my bride to be presented me with one (or vice versa) it’s kinda like starting off your marriage already looking at its demise. When and if I do get hitched I want it to be forever ever, so in theory, the idea of a prenup would be a moot point. But what if things go sour and we file for divorce? Does she automatically deserve half of what was mine before we got married? Am I entitled to half of what was hers?

I know that marriages are more about ours than mines and yours—especially when you start mixing bank accounts and buying property together—but I’m sure whoever the breadwinner is in a couple feels like they get the short end of the stick when they have to shell out extra dough in a divorce. Again, I’m not talking about any money that goes to caring for your child because that’s a given.

Maybe prenups aren’t as big of a deal to average Joes and Janes, but celebrities or people that pull in considerably more than their spouse have a lot to lose, so a little “insurance” might be in order. If Kelis wasn’t a famous singer with a high paying career of her own I’d see the need for her to have a big chunk of Nas’ income to maintain her current lifestyle. At the same time I can see someone like Nas being tight for having to give up money he earned as a recording artist to an ex-wife that wasn’t in the booth with him spittin’ verses, laying down mixes or writing his rhymes. Legally, though, the general argument usually is that all income, regardless of who in the marriage earned it, is community property shared between both spouses. Furthermore, while there’s no paycheck attached to it, mother/wife/homemaker is in fact a tedious job that you really can’t attach a monetary value to. So, yes, I agree that Kelis and any other divorcee deserves some sort of financial support, but I still think it’s a bit bossy to be “taking [a] muthafucka for everything he has!”

What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements? Would you be offended if your fiancé/fiancée asked you to sign one? Or would you be the one drafting up a contract for your future spouse? Does it make more sense for celebrities and people with a lot of money? Do you think people with prenups are more likely to get divorced? How much should a spouse—male or female—get in a divorce? What if the roles were reversed and the woman brought in more income and it was the man asking for spousal support? Would you think he was being petty or a gold digger? How do you feel about Nas and Kelis’ reported split?

Speak your piece…

UPDATE:

Rolling Out magazine asked me my thoughts on the Nas & Kelis divorce so CLICK HERE to read them.

Tagged as: cheating, divorce, hip-hop, Kelis, Nas, prenup, prenuptial agreement

Neska

I'm with you when you say that a prenup is a divorce waiting to happen. If you took time to get to know someone, really know someone then you would want to share what you have with them. A number of people get married thinking it will be all fun and games and want to quit or get a divorce when issues come up.
Heck yeah I would be offended if my man asked me to sign a prenup cause i know that when i get married it's gonna be a one time thing, not lets try this out and see how it works.
People with banging back accounts do need to be on the guard for gold diggers, really watch someones habits, sooner or later their true colors will show. How the couple operated when they were together should determine how much money gets paid to whom. if the breadwinner did all the work while the SO did nothing the amount should be low, but if the breadwinners SO was helping out then I think more should be paid.
It's sad cause i thought they were gonna go the distance really, really hope Jay-Z and Beyonce do
July

I agree with the fact that most times women will be a situation where they are mothers, wives, cooks, cleaners, cheerleaders, pulling in income and everything in between which ends up with the woman having to make a lot of sacrifice and if the marriage ends and she can end up with the short end of the stick.

I think that not having a pre-nup is just a bad idea, it doesn't mean that you are planning to divorce but should it happen you guys are prepared. IF divorce should ever happen you aren't dealing with the sweet person you knew before, emotions are high during that time and you will most likey be dealing with some three-headed monster and a pre-nup takes care of you having to deal with that. The person you marry is not the person you divorce.

I will gladly sign a pre-nup (especially coz I am working hard right now towards my own fortune) but it has to be fair. If we are married for one year, somebody taking half is just unreasonable but if we have been together for a long time somebody getting chump change is just as unreasonable.
Shay

What people fail to realize is that marriage is a contract. Therefore, the couple becomes business partners. If said marriage should fail, then both parties should be fairly compensated from earnings made during the marriage.
sixfiguresister

If you or your significant other are even moderately successful I think it makes sense to get a pre-nup. This way you avoid any...misunderstandings...down the line. Besides, it's not like you'll ever have to use it--you're going to stay married forever so what's the big deal, right? (wink)
http://itsjustgoldie.vox.com goldie

I think that if a couple decides to get married, one asks for a prenup and the other is surprised, there's a bit of a disconnect to begin with. I liken it to if a one person wanted to get married in a Catholic church and the other was caught off guard. A little disconnect. Not that it can't be worked out.

If I get married, I plan to sign a prenup. I don't have a lot, but I want to protect what I have. And I can't be with someone who doesn't mutually understand that.

That said, I completely agree with Shay.
http://itsjustgoldie.vox.com goldie

With regard to the Nas/Kelis split, I don't put ANY of what's ALLEGEDLY happened past anyone. I thought they seemed like a good couple (see: 'and that's right, I'm the one that's tattoo'd on his arm). My beef is with the reaction that's gonna come with the release of the **ALLEGED** Kelis quote.

I understand the male v. female gold-provider v. gold-digger stereotypes, but it doesn't mean it doesn't get old.

If men have such a deep-rooted fear of women gold-digging, find a woman on that 'Got Her Own' tip (see: me).
angel

Where to begin...

IF she said what Egypt reports, I'm going to assume that - given that signs up til now point to Kelis' being human - she would rather have the man she loved at her side as she gave birth to the life they created than ANY amount of dough. Tough talkin' is how a lot people communicate, especially celebrities and (I'm beginning to discover) bloggers, when attempting to convince others of what they may not believe to be true of themselves. When I hear that alleged quote, I imagine she was really, really hurt, not an opportunistic golddigger.

I can't speak intelligently about the hordes of women that only care about money, because that hasn't been my experience. At all. A person who has to nurse a broken heart while nursing a baby while also dealing with hormone fluctuations and other postpartum symptoms, has challenges that money won't fix. And if her partner doesn't value the fact that giving birth is the closest one can come to death, then perhaps a court can explain the value for him in dollars. And no amount will come close. Plus, ain't she the chick who dismembered herself in a video to prove her lack of need for anything but her beloved? Not that that proves her nature, but it'd be different if she was known for singin' about blingin'.

~Expecting forever isn't a reason not to protect against dissolution. I don't plan to get sick, but I have health insurance.

~Not every state has the automatic 50% rule, though California notoriously does, and because many celebrities reside there, some assume it's federal and not state law. The argument that dudes are being disproportionately victimized by the system rarely contains any research or facts beyond "They divorcin'. She gon' get his dough. That ain't right." Black women are less likely to marry than any other group in America, but now (on top of everything else most men think of us), we're getting too much when we get divorced and only care about cash? I can't.
Elle

Thank you, July. This is exactly (!!!) what I have been saying all along but people don't seem to hear me:

"I think that not having a pre-nup is just a bad idea, it doesn’t mean that you are planning to divorce but should it happen you guys are prepared. IF divorce should ever happen you aren’t dealing with the sweet person you knew before, emotions are high during that time and you will most likey be dealing with some three-headed monster and a pre-nup takes care of you having to deal with that. The person you marry is not the person you divorce."

I could not have said it any better.

In my relationship, I am the person who brought up the idea of a prenup - only to cause confusion and a stuck out bottom lip. I didn't suggest it because I am swimming in money - ha, I wish. But simply because I'd rather be prepared for something that is totally human and happens to the best of us: divorce.

Numerous aspects can be included in a prenup which may become important should a couple ever decide to split. Where is the logic in waiting until you practically hate each other's guts to negotiate? It makes no sense. A prenup will be fair because at that point in time I still love my partner and have his best interest at heart. When I love I can be objective while when I'm hurt all I see is my subjective evaluation of the problem.

Conclusion:
I'm all for prenups because they prepare me for the worst case scenario. And to quote Nas' "Life is what you make it": Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
A divorce is bad enough as it is on the emotional level. I wouldn't want to fight over every itty bitty piece of furniture, the kids, the house by the beach (yea right) etc.
distinguishedgentlewoman

I see nothing wrong with having a prenup. It makes a lot of sense, given the fact that folks can love each other one minute and absolutely hate one another the next. And when the hate steps in, folks get downright evil and come up with all sorts of horrible ideas to make each other "pay."
oui_3

A single woman who is sexually active hopefully is of the mindset that a condom is automatic, right? Self preservation and just common sense.

A doc wearing gloves while dealing with other folks bodily fluids, again automatic, right? Self preservation and common sense.

Why is it hurtful or disrespectful to the other party to EXPECT that a pre-nup, when there's a huge disparity in income, is automatic? And what does that say about you and our relationship if you don't understand and empathize w/my need to have self preservation and common sense? From there, like the person above said "gonna be together forever, right?" so why should it even be an issue? Or are there other things i need to pay attn to?

Bwt, i have abso NO money, i'm just sayin', lol...
Lonyae

I honestly believe when the "contract" of marriage is over neither party should be supplying either party with anything. I mean if kids are in involved that’s still doesn’t change anything if they half joint custody then everything should pan out nicely if they dont then a stable 50/50 should be presented. half the time woman keep the children away from daddy, and i dont want to hear nothing about emotional/caring/house wife mess i know plenty of fathers that can do that. "When it’s time to get a divorce, women got it made. You go to court, start talkin’ that sh?t. “I’m used to this, I’m used to that. I’m accustomed to this.” What the fuck is accustomed? Whats that got to do with shit? You go to a restaurant, you accustomed to eatin’. You leave, you ain’t eatin’ no more. They don’t owe you a steak. What about what the man’s used to? It might not be money, but during the course of a relationship, a man grows accustomed to a few things. I would love to see a man go to court and say, “Your honor, check this out. I’m accustomed to fuckin’ her four times a week. Now I feel I should be able to fuck her at least twice a week. I mean she can have the alimony, but I want some pussy payments.”-Chris Rock .
I mean puffy pays in access of 12million+ a year in child support alone not including alimony that’s just rediculas what a 8yr old need in 12,000 a month child support???????
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

As a man I completely disagree with prenups. To me its simple if your future spouse isnt worth half of your money than shes not worth marrying. Im sure people would give marriage more thought if there wasnt this safety net. I think prenups is a prefect example of our self love above everybody else.

How can anybody compare doctors wearing gloves with complete strangers or even having protected sex to a prenup? Sex by design is a temporary act that can bring about the most important things also it can bring so negative. Marriage by design is meant to be premenant. The person you marry should leave you opened.

You would think that the law would have certain rules in place to keep people from abusing marriages already. But as a husband or wife if you mess up that you would lose your right to support.

Asking for a prenup is very disrespectful! Its impling that the person you are marrying could not be the one. And if there is that kind of doubt then why get married in the first?
Caribeza

If you really want to get back at someone, get them where it hurts. Unfortunately for a lot of men, where it really hurts is their "wallet!". For a lot of women, it's their pride (pride at being a good wife, always Even if Kelis never meant it, never said it, that kinda phrase said by a woman who had previously been in love with a man, had or had planned to have his kids, was said out of hurt and shame.

Pre-nups are a good idea. It gives people who have been traumatized by gold digging men and women a little bit more assurance that this person is the one for them. We've all made bad decisions in the past, and probably make assumptions/decisions that are tinged by them, no matter how badly we want to "live, and let live".

And if you don't plan to get divorced, then allow a person their doubts and that pre-nup won't matter since it will never be used. But July and Elle were right - the person you marry is not the person you divorced. Yep shit does happen!
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@Lonyae

I agree I think everthing we make together we should split and everything apart should stay with that person. And I think alimony is a joke. And "the accustom to pussy" joke was priceless. And like I said the law should be stuctured in a way where prenups should be obsolete. But as the law is stated now when you marry you make a serious investment in somebody and you are becoming one person that means you guys share everything. The reason IMO why marriages fail is we have lost that ideal. Marriage is nolonger two people becoming one anymore it more like a business deal now-a-days.
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@Caribeza

Prenups are a bad idea! If your traumatized dont get married. We always gotta have some kinda fix. Sometimes in life you need to get your shit together before you move on are your just gonna be a train wreck. Relationship are based on trust if you cant trust the person your marrying DONT GET MARRIED it doesnt get any simplier than that!
Cali

I think taking someone for all they have is the whole idea of "hitting them where it hurts" not that she needs the money or even really cares...she'll likely get over it and be reasonable about her requests.
http://www.fishandspaghetti.com jay1

i think that the "prenup" in general is smart albeit a little bit tacky. because at it's base, a marriage is a merging of 2 corperations, so you have to go into that business plan thoughtfully.

especially when you look at celebrities, and especially if you live in california.

you can't play around with that.

on another note though, i know a couple that was recently married, they're not celebrities or anything, they met in the military and both make about the same amount of money. like between 70 and 85 each, maybe.

the woman made a little bit more and actually owns a rental property. aside from that property they are on an even level.

the woman presented the dude with a prenup though.

i thought that shit was kinda tacky and a shitty way to start a marriage but what can you really do?

some people say that if one person insist on using a condom even though the couple has been together for years that it implies mistrust, but what's worse? insulting someone or taking a major L

they're just protecting themselves.
Mami

I am just recently divorce and I say yest to prenup. We are not big time celebs, but the laws are so crazy that your spouse is entitle to your retirement especially if you work for the government. No I don't think a spouse being female or male should be entitle to something earn before they came into that person life. So yes there should be a prenup before a long battle of court mess. This is protecting both parties and it's not stating that you don't trust each other. I see prenup as insurance. We get insurance for everything in our personal life for protection and that's how it should be in marriage. I suggest before marriage that couples sit down to read the laws of the state they are living in, because they don't tell you important things in a six month counseling.
notahater

the only revenge a woman can give a man is HURT TO HIS WALLET...so no matter how successful a woman is, that's the best revenge she can put to a man for doing her wrong. A man won't feel "jealous" if she goes off to the sunset with another man...the only pain he will really feel is to his wallet....so yes, getting a man (or woman) for all his $$ worth is a GREAT revenge.
Food4Thought

yknow, im not sure how i feel abot a prenup. In my logical mind its like..of course, just as you would be careful to get insurance "just in case", youd be careful to protect yourselves with a prenup "just in case"

My beef though, is that i have a few friends that have gone through divorces recently and the process really bothers me. The lawyers, the paperwork, the court proceedings. Its like it took TWO people to get married. Why does it require like NINE people to get divorced? Just sayin...
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Jay1

I actually plan to use a condom after marriage. 1) Just because of habit, but 2) Really because I don't plan to have kids right away. I want the marriage to be solid before we add parenthood into the mix. Want us to be secure in marriage first before making another major change in our dynamic.

Sure if wife is on birth control we can skip it, but I don't plan on releasing my seed in any fertile soil until I'm read to harvest some crops. Ya dig?
http://www.loveloleeta.blogspot.com JessyRod

Marriage, in the legal definition, is a financial/business contraact or arrangement or "joint business venture" as my boo likes to call it. It's the reason why it was started to begin with. Marriage was in fact invented by the church in midevil times precisely because men were running around and having kids that they weren't being financially responsible for. Thus, yes it makes total and complete sense to have or agree to a pre-nup. If you violate your contract you should be responsible for the consequences (children, etc).

I don't agree with being greedy or selfish and "taking" someone for their worth. But to protect your assets (if you have any) that you had prior to entering this agreement, it makes total sense. The same way you shouldn't drive without insurance, you shouldn't get married without a prenup.

Now, the real question is (in my opinion) why is it so quick and easy to get married (a license costs a few duckets, blood tests aren't required in every state) but it takes anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand to end your marriage? Food for thought...
http://theurbandaily.blackplanet.com/movies/dubya-co-stars-jeffrey-wright-josh-brolin-arrested/ Kevin L. Clark

The guys have already had their own individual successes in the industry. A prenup wouldn't have done anything but doom their union. If Jay and Bey broke up tomorrow, I don't think they'd be talking about splitting stuff in half. Couple who are already established no matter their pay grade, should know that the other person is there for the vows they've exchanged... not the change in they pockets.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Notahater

But is that what divorce has to come to? Revenge? Why can't it just be, alright we didn't work out see you later?

Sad that what was once love becomes utter hate
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

Imma quote jay1 here

"some people say that if one person insist on using a condom even though the couple has been together for years that it implies mistrust, but what’s worse? insulting someone or taking a major L"

Thats the thing people if you love somebody you rather take the L then to insult that person. I refuse to get married until I feel this way about somebody and I think they feel the same about me.
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

Love and hate are so closely related that love just doesnt disappear it usually forms the hate that drives that way of thinking. "Energy is neither created nor destroyed its simply transformed for one form to another".
boomsilent

I look at the prenup thing several ways.

First, if you plan on marrying someone, I think it's best to start discussing it exactly when you start thinking about marriage. That ways, no surprises, you knew it was (or wasn't) coming- take it or leave it.

I think anyone with common sense can see at this point that the absolute absurdity of divorce laws makes it practically a given that you should be signing one if you have any sort of self-built nest egg or property to protect. I for one have personal assets that I want to go straight to my family, not the wife (to be!).

The laws were created in times when women werent treated equally in the workplace. Now they are, so they should be scaled back as such. Fat chance on that happening though. The laws themselves create the atmosphere that women are modern societies financial victims, and it's played out by the 'get that money' attitude prevalent in western cultured women.

Think of someone wanting half of your retirement fund, so they can spend it on thier new boytoy.

Think of someone wanting a portion of your FUTURE earnings, so they can spend on thier new boytoy.

Think of someone taking half of what you already owned before you even met them.

My advice is buy property or other assets before you get married and lock them up in your families names. On principle, it seems like a bad thing, but hey all let's be real- american culture and those similar to it permits men to become FINANCIAL DESTROYED during divorces. That has nothing to do with who you think you will be together forever with. Women love money, that's just the deal. I cant tell you all how many times women have expressed that they would like to be pampered, stay at home, shop, and still be getting money. Let a man say that, sh....it...If some one REALLY loves you, then they cant get mad at it, its protecting you both.

Divorce is like porn- you are getting f*&*ked one way or another, guaranteed. So play it safe kids!
VirgoVida

I think if you have lots of $$$$, prenups are necessary. If you don't, then I think it's cool for the couple to struggle and come up together. Pre-nups protect assets, but if you don't have any, move on.

But I would like to say something about Kelis' comment. See, I think women are emotional and our heart is our greatest vulnerability. This is where we're most hurt by men. But we don't seem to hurt men the same way, so we hit their pockets! I'm not saying that I agree, but I feel where she's coming from. And I have a family full of females in every age category, that will probably say the same thing.
artsyheartsy

I think that if instead of focusing on the what-ifs of marital dissolution folks used the drafting of a pre-nup to focus on a rigorous review of attitudes, expectations and values around money and homelife and fidelity they would be a lot more useful.

I think a lot of the "take him for everything..." talk is about anger and pain more than it is about cash. If the marriage is ending while sis is late in pregnancy, that means that stuff is not only really bad but probably really bad with rotten eggs on top. Women who leave in pregnancy are making a strong statement about their perception of the unborn child's future and safety and I am sure I am projecting here, leave with the bitter taste of big time betrayal in their mouths...
artsyheartsy

@ boomsilent

If your attitudes about money and property and your future wife (real or hypothetical) are such that you feel a need to protect your stuff from her, you probably shouldn't marry...
LadyPac

I have virtual fights with myself about this issue whenever it comes up, and it's one of those things that I believe is never black or white.
Each relationship is so different, starting with the question of how each person would even react - not necessarily verbally, but emotionally - to his/her SO bringing up the idea in the first place.

I have seen striking examples that support both the pro and con sides, like I'm sure all of you have.

My Mom and (step)father were together for 19 years before she passed away ( ) and after the first few years, she became a stay-at-home mother, with my Dad being the sole provider. As far as I know, the idea of a financial contract never even came up. They loved each other and even though they certainly had their problems, they worked them out, and their marriage truly was the "til death do us apart" kind.
On the other hand, can you EVER fully know another person? We all change and there are no guarantees. The person we once thought was an angel can turn into something evil. (Saw that happen, too.) And divorces CAN get extremely nasty.

However, I believe that Artsyheartsy hit the nail on the head: "I think that if instead of focusing on the what-ifs of marital dissolution folks used the drafting of a pre-nup to focus on a rigorous review of attitudes, expectations and values around money and homelife and fidelity they would be a lot more useful."
Amen to that!
notahater

@NWSO...sure a couple could say "we didn't work out, see ya later" if there wasn't any infidelity or breach of trust involved...revenge would come into play if it did.... being cheated or lied to isn't the best feeling in the world...so it's definitely more out of anger and face than money for most people.
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@LadyPac

Sorry this one is very black and white! Either you trust that person and you wanna spend the rest of your life with them or not period!
stiring the pot

I have yet to see a divorce that hasn't been about revenge. I work as paralegal by profession and I perpare paperwork for the attornies and parties involved in the process. From that POV, I think a person would be an absolute fool to enter into a marriage without a prenup.. The attornys' job is to get maximum dollar for his client, or to keep the most in his clients pocket. It can become an all out free for all. Especially if there is a lot a money involved, regardless of who made it. However, if there is a prenup, MOST times, and I say most, because if one party has a hella attorney, a prenup can be challenged, and this can take on a whole different dynamic. But if there is a prenup in place it cuts through all the bull up front, no need to fight for anything, because it's already spelled out on paper. One caveat though, if you've been married a long time, that prenup can go right out the window. So, you would need to update it every so many years. With that said, my feelings are that in a prefect world there would be no need for prenups or divorces. People would only marry for long lasting love and companionship. There would be no cheating spouses or sure to be discovered sex tapes from previous relationships. No STD's or even HIV. But we all kinow this is not a prefect world.

just my 2 cents worth
http://antistat.blogspot.com carlitomachete

disclaimer: i don't like posting w/o reading other posts, but i'm pressed for time and wanted to weigh in b4 this joint goes stale, so pls excuse me if i repeat.

but real quick:

(a) as much as we'd all love to believe in marriage as ONLY an expression of love, the fact remains that it's a legal contract, hence the NEED (no matter the income level) for negotiating any and all aspects of that contract.

that shit can range from how irksome it might be to one party if the other tends to leave the cap off the toothpaste to how to divvy up the pot if the marriage goes south.

(b) though i obviously can't spk for Kelis (or any women, for that matter) comments re: snatching a ni**a's checking account do tend to come from anger, but the source isn't the question nor is it the answer, really. the real issue is WHY does the male's pocket tend to be the target?

my theory is that MOST (not all, of course) men tend to measure success in dollars (and Euros, nowadays), so to put it bluntly, in conflict, the adversary tries to hit you where it hurts most. and by hurt, understand i mean straight up emotionally, as well as financially.

(think what it does to a dude's ego to KNOW that after you and the ex part ways, some OTHER cat's gonna eventually be rolling around in that plushed out chinchilla comforter you bought for the California King in your former bedroom).

when children are involved, b'cuz our society tends to favor the mother's position over the father's (for too many reasons for this forum; and that's not a claim, that's a statistical fact, btw), the target widens to include them as well.

(c) as to your question, nah, i don't think it's unfair at all to ask for a prenup. to me, it's akin to something an old and trusted friend told me a long ass time ago when i was seeking advice about getting married.

he told me that before he and the wife tied the knot (or jumped the broom, but he's white, so i can't say for a fact that white folks do that! lol...) they each made a list of "shit that will piss me off if you do it" and traded notes. they debated, discussed and dismissed where necessary and have been married (happily and always working towards that) ever since.

fuck it. give me a prenup. no hard feelings at all. (maybe it's a cultural thing for me, but i don't give a fuck if i marry J-Lo one day. i can't see me in a courtroom, sobbing to the judge that i need X amount of papes from her to "maintain my lifestyle." fuck thaaaaat. i can get my own. i'll leave that to the pimps out there. me, i happen to like my place on the totem pole, thank you.)

my three cents. (that i intend to keep, should i ever jump the broom and break the handle bcuz i misjudged the distance...)
binibabi

I agree with angel:

"Expecting forever isn’t a reason not to protect against dissolution. I don’t plan to get sick, but I have health insurance. "

Excactly. A prenup is insurance against disaster; which is the reason we have any kind of insurance. No one wants a disaster to happen, but if you are insured and the worst happens, when all is said and done, you might not be happy having to start all over, but at least you won't be destroyed.
http://antistat.blogspot.com carlitomachete

almost forgot:

i met Kelis before she was even signed, when a homie of mine used to manage her. thought honey was fly, for a lot of reasons beyond looks (not that THAT didn't help). didn't push up b'cuz i was always on some shit about being looked at sideways for being a magazine editor and fkn w/ an artist... (too public a life for my taste, but little did I know the college dorm that is the urban entertainment industry!!)

anyway, that was eons ago, but when Nas got w/ her, i put all "i got a crush" thoughts out of my mind b'cuz, for reals, they made a dope couple. reminded me of Treach and Pepa, back'naday (to a point).

so to see even THEM break up? shit got me feeling like there's NO hope in the world...

then again, a celeb relationship must be some incredibly difficult shit to maintain.
Geoforie

I have been married twice and I can honestly say a pre-nup is a necessary evil in today's world. Regardless of the reason for the breakup, people are people and want revenge. So, to keep everything fair, prenups are a good idea. Let's all face it, when people are hurting, the last thing they're thinking about is being fair. Marriage is a business contract, there needs to be an agreement in writing.
Caribeza

@carlitomachete --->rofl @ "my three cents. (that i intend to keep, should i ever jump the broom and break the handle bcuz i misjudged the distance…)"

I love that comment!

@daThrone .. we're human, we make mistakes, that's reality, dude. It seems to me that for you, it's either black or it's white. If it works for you, that's all good. my parents have been happily married 30+ yrs and are about to retire together. I hope that works for me as well but I see the world in shades of grey and will not get offended by a pre-nup if it's directed by genuine but illogical fear, sometimes you have to give people a break.
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

To all the prenup people if your money means more to you than your spouse just marry the money. I can understand how its gotta be hella difficult to try and find somebody that love you for you ,but it comes with being rich. More money more problems and if I was that paranoid about losing my money I just wouldnt get married. That to me is the black and white part if you dont trust that person you dont marry them simple. If you are not 100% sure in your heart going in that you will do all the things thats needed and that the other person wont do the same dont do it. Nobody's forced to marry anybody its a choice and a choice you should only make when your certain
litrisha

I feel bad for Nas and Kelis breakup because I actually liked them together. As far as the prenup goes, I wouldn't get offended, to me it's an agreement and it's only fair, so when things don't work out then neither person has nothing to worry about. I personally have never been married but when and IF I do then I would want it to last and work hard at making it last. Marriage is not even what it used to be, then that results in nasty divorces, and Marriage should be important to people and should treat it so. Marriage is a BIG thing and it's a union, and to take advantage of that is just a WASTE! I encourage people to REALLY THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE before jumping into something so big!
http://itsjustgoldie.vox.com goldie

@da ThRONe

People have changes of heart. And people get manipulative.

Additionally, sometimes a prenup can be a GOOD thing. If a couple splits amicably and want to help each other out (VERY uncommon), a prenup can help outline the financial split.

It's NOT always about taking someone for what they've got.
Marley

Let me start off by saying that I really did like them as a couple. When getting married you have know that everything is split 50/50. when iI plan on getting married I plan on marrying for love and forever so the idea of a prenupt would be pointless. I feel that marriage should all about love and spending a lifetime together not about money and material thing. But lets say the marriage does go sour i think that thing should be split down the half and half. So Kelis does deserve spouse support but not all of Nas' money. And as far as "taking the muthafuker for al he's got"homegirl was wrong for that statement. She needs to be worried about taking care of that unborn child and being a great mother. I love Kelis but she needs for refocus her thoughts and whatever the reason for her split with Nas she needs to think of the baby first.

*peace and love*

Marley
keke

I am a woman and to be honest, I have no problem with the idea of a pre-nup agreement. I think my stance has a lot to do with seeing relationships get really difficult and shaky when i comes to money. Financial issues can cause a lot of problems and I think a pre-nup is just one tool to use as a prevention of finance issues.

I believe that things should be fair but not necessarily 50/50 fair...cause 50/50 is not always fair (esp in terms of paying bills). I plan on having a joint checking account only for bills and family needs. A joint savings accounts for children and future goals as a couple. But I plan on having my own spending account and savings account when I'm married just try and avoid big issues with money.

I don't believe that everything a man worked for or that I worked for prior to marrying a man is "ours" so to speak. I am willing to share but I don't necessarily believe in putting the stamp on and making it "ours". I do believe that things a couple works on together belong to the couple but its up to each couple to sit down and have an honest discussion about how they will go about sharing those belongings.
Gizzle

da Throne is speaking the truth. If you're so worried about "your money" and "your possessions" and "your assets" marry those things. Get somebody who's content just basking in your presence without any legal, financial, or religious commitment (i.e. marriage). Example: Stedman, Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell etc.

In the event you have kids with this non-spouse, don't be surprised if your sons and daughters have no respect for marriage, family AND take that idea and apply it in crazy ways you'd never imagined (Swingers, anyone?). Remember, you set the example.

Money isn't everything. Dealing with another person long term is difficult no matter if its your spouse, siblings, parents . . . there are times when you hate them and disagree and don't get along.

If your mother "divorced" you and didn't speak to you again from this point forward and sued your for 1/2 of your estate . . . would you be thinking "Man, I should've had a contract against this!" ??

I'd be more upset that my mom wasn't speaking to me anymore than the fact that she's getting 1/2 my estate. When you marry someone, you're making them your family.

Besides, if you built your empire up before, who's to say you can't do it again?

On my deathbed, I won't be looking for my wads of cash, investment properties, and 40ft yacht to hold my hand and sit bedside. I plan to go into marriage thinking that. And thinking- if this dude does me wrong AND gets 1/2; I'm willing to take that risk cause I don't believe he'd do that to me (or anyone else cause of his character).
K-Love

Leave the bankcard, the credit cards, the checkbook, and take everything you came with...That goes for both parties. If you are not there for love what's the point. Frankly if its time to go, i don't want a damn thing from you, but to be free, and that is priceless if it is a bad relationship. If there are kids involved just make sure that babies are okay, get your ass up get a job, and do what you gotta do to make sure you survive. This goes for men and women.
Lonias

I would be open to drawing up and signing a prenup if it was actually an AGREEMENT. In most cases I have read about and even those portrayed on the large and small screens, these prenups in the end are just documents binding one side to the stipulations within it. I think two adults who decide to spend their lives together should be able to discuss such a topic, as they would any other. I admit it even as I type this that I would be somewhat "put off" if my man proposed to me and then asked me to sign a prenup. I'm only human, and my first reaction would be a twinge (if not a pang) of pain. After I've worked through that, I would be ready to discuss it. Here's where it becomes an agreement: I get stipulations, too. I believe that marriage is " 'til death do us part", so my stipulations (assuming he is the one bringing me the prenup to sign) would likely include required counseling, an infidelity clause, any changes that might occur if there were child(ren) in the picture, to name a few...I have a suspicion that if most betrothed (male or female) would make their own demands if faced with a prenup, the "presenter" would be forced to think about more than him/herself...and that's really the point, isn't it?
Ms P

Alot of these posts are in reference to women taking half of a man's assets. Most of my friends have men who have LESS than they have. When you are younger & marrying, the couple may be pretty much on the same ground. However, once you are in your 30 & 40s most singles have their own homes. Some people have businesses & children that they are planning to leave some type of inheritance to. I don't have alot but I have property & some decent investments that have been willed to my child. (I have an Executor because she is a minor, parents pls make note of that so your assets aren't tied up in probate court while your minor may need those benefits now) Back on topic, I would have a prenup because what I previously had is for my child. I don't think any man would have a problem with that. After we get married, then we create "ours". I have a friend who has property as well as a business (partnership with her adult son), and she has a fiancee who has significantly less. He also has a crazy baby mama (who has assaulted her once) & 2 young kids. She has a business that she created with her son to create something for her children & grandchildren. She asked her fiancee to sign a prenup & he is upset. I don't see anything wrong with her protecting her assets that she sweated for. Why should he be entitled to what she & her son have built? What they create going forward is THEIRS but I agree with her that her property & business are not his. Prenups are necessary for anyone with assets & children from prior relationships. Why would you be upset with someone who wants to take what they had prior to knowing you & protecting it. My Momma always said "God bless the child who has his own".
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

Its sad that the concept of marriage is so weak that we think prenups are a good idea. It just shows you that we suck as a society when it comes to life time commitments. Its why so many fathers bounce and so many mothers allow there children to grow up with no morals. If the government dont force us to do the right thing we dont and thats a shame. That is a niggers' mentality and why we struggle to this day in this country.

How can anybody say "Hey baby I trust you I love you I going to be a great husband and your going to be the greatest wife ever. I love you more than anything and everything I have is yours. But on the off chance that Im wrong and plan on fucking all your friends or your a lying gold diggin bitch please sign these papers that say you dont get shit afterwards!". Who thinks thats a good idea? Marriage is based on trust. Trust that this person cares about you more than money more than themselves. Why would you ask somebody to marry you if you didnt feel that way 100%? Contrarily people who marry for the right reason rarely break up ,but if your not confident about the marriage from the start how do you expect it to work?
LL

Is Marriage now a waste of time?
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@Ms P

If she dont trust that the man she wants to marry has enough moral fiber to do whats right then dont marry him. Its funny I'll trust you enough to marry you but hell no I dont trust you with my money.LOL What the hell is wrong with us? If anybody is that shady going in and your not 100% comfrontable that dude wont be reasonable if for some reason things go wrong DONT MARRY HIM. I would be very offended if my future wife ask me to sign a prenup. So much so I wouldnt get married that means you dont trust me. People how can you say you trust somebody but you wanna make sure they do you right through legal documents. Insurance is for accidents people dont accidentally get divorced.
http://www.newmoneymachinko.blogspot.com New Money Machink

Wow.. lot of comments.

I agree with Cali. I can't speak for other women but it amuses me how men can get really sensitive.. emotional even, when it comes to that gwap.

So, lets say the allegations re: Nas' behavior are right. He's breaking the covenant of the marriage left and right, dragging her love and emotion through the dirt.. and she can suck it up and leave.. but whoa! not the cash! Get me back but NOT LIKE THAT!

I'm not a crazy chick. that takes too much energy. But it tickles me that men can be SO appalled at the jazzmine sullivan record. "All i did is break your heart into a million tiny pieces.. is that worth my windshield?"

SMH
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@Goldie

Sometimes in life your entitled to a change of heart and sometimes your not IMO. Thats like wanting a child then after you have a child you have a change of heart. Its too late you made that commitment now honor it. Its like joining the mob or a gang its for life. If you dont want to deal with it know what your getting into before you do or deal with the consequences.
sankore

Well da Throne I do agree with you that we as a society are messed up. With that being said, I wouldnt have a problem with signing a pre-nup. When and if I get married again I plan on bringing my fair share to the table. B/c while he is asking me to sign his, I would also have my own for him to sign. We all want to believe that the person that we marry will always love us and be there for us. But life doesnt always work out like that. Whether you like it or not people change and that is a reality. Just b/c you have a prenup doesnt mean that you or your spouse plan on doing dirt. It just means that you are taking precautions in case this persons priorities start to change. So if my future husband asks for a pre-nup it is as good as signed. I just need something like: You leave with what you came into the marriage with and I will do the same, what we have accumulated together we split 50/50(just an example). But I will say that we as a people should stop making divorce an option unless audultry or physical abuse is an issue. Marriage counseling always makes a good wedding gift.

Love Peace and Hairgrease
Cactus girl

It's a terrible terrible thing. I really thought they made a nice couple. But the same thing that happens in your neighbor's house...happens in famous people's homes also.

When a couple gets a divorce they have decided that the vows they said to one another do not matter anymore. And they probably shouldn't have been married in the first place. Most people jump and think they are ready when in actuallity they are not ready for that type of commenment and they just end up playing house. They were in LUST and not LOVE. There is a difference. When you TRULY LOVE the man or woman you were MEANT to marry...It is for life. And what's his is hers and what's hers is his. For better or for worse...Til death do you part. There is no pre-nup with that.
KiSS

I have always been on the fence about prenups until I read an article once in an old O magazine. A woman was basically asking Suze Orman for financial advice. The woman married her husband when they were in their 50's. They both had their own businesses and property. Five years into their marriage her husband lost his business and his personal finances were affected. So much so he lost the home he owned.

What Suze Orman pointed out to this woman was something i had not thought about. Being married creditors can come after your spouse as well. By them having a prenup all her assest were protected. If they had not had one she and her husband could have very well ended up homeless because she could have lost her home too.

With that being said, I have no problem with a prenup. for some couples, like people who believe in "starter" marriages, it can be looked at as an easy way out.But on the flip side, like in a Paul McCartney situation no one can really say it was fair for him to have worked as long as he had to be married less than 5 years and half was even in the divorce conversation. Its an all out joke. If you come up together, I can understand not having a prenup. In that case you met before either of you had much and you came up together. I completely agree with half in that case. If I am already very well established and after exhausting every possible resource my marriage does not work out, I do not think I owe anyone half my life's work.
With Nas and Kelis chilld support yeah but half? Besides the fact that I dont believe she's broke, and he was NAS when she got with him. Shoot by the time they got together he had been hot, fell off a little beefed with JayZ and came back to being hot again before they even married lol. Divorce in any sense in emotional and her making that alleged comment is also very emotional. You hurt me now I want you broke. Prenups skip that part
arlene

marriage is a spiritual contract between you, the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with, and the One above. if you're not entering it with that reverence, pre nups are necessary.
stiring the pot

I just thought I come back to this just to see how it was going, funny the difference of opinions. I have two "friends" who met about 4 months ago, got married two days ago and then moved to another state. I'm sure they think they are going to be happy forever and ever, problem with forever and ever today, is that FOREVER has a short shelf life. On the other hand I have two friends, that I've know for over 30 years, they've been married for over 25 of those years, and now they are getting divorced, I'm sure they thought it was going to be forever and ever 25 years ago. But guess what, they grew apart, it happens, no ones fault, they just didn't grow in the same direction. They tried the working it out, for 5 years, they tried working it out, but in the meantime, HE met someone who fulfilled him more than his current wife and btw was 20 years younger, and SHE found someone who fulfilled her more than her current husband, and btw is 16 years younger. They both have substantial assests. They are pass the "I hate you I want everything you got" stage. They are working it out amicable. What about new boo. HE wants to marry right away, bc he doesn't like "Living in Sin" with a woman, and guess what, new boo can't wait. I overheard her tell her friend, "girl, he owns a house AND two cars". He also has his own business, and rental property. I'm sure he doesn't expect this to be forever and ever. Prenup? Hell yeah!!! Probably shouldn't be getting married? Damn Right!!!!! But what you gonna do? People do dumb Sh*t! Protect yourself, or suffer the consequences.

just my two cents worth

tea
http://itsjustgoldie.vox.com goldie

@da ThRONe

It's never too late to change your mind, for me.

And if there is abuse in the relationship, ALL bets are off. Eff 'til death do us part if verbal/emotional/physical abuse is involved (per the allegations). Same for cheating. Sometimes those are things that develop later in a relationship.

Sure, the point is to be together through it all. It just doesn't always happen that way. And if a kid is involved, all the more reason to have two happy parents instead of one unhappy couple.

And the gang/mob bit? Oy.

But this is all getting away from the point.

IF YOU AIN'T NO PUNK, HOLLA WE WANT PRENUP (we want prenup, heyyyy).
da ThRONe

@Goldie

Abuse and cheating aside Im not sure if all prenups work if your a cheater or wife beater.

I have been raise to honor my commitments I dont know about everybody else. Once I give my word thats that and anything short of that makes anybody less of a man or woman.

My point is if our concept of marriage is so flaky why get married in the first place just live together.

I thought my gang/mob reference was damn good by the way ma! LOL
Pingback: Topics about Hollywood-stars » Hollywood Divorce: Should Nas Have Made Kelis Sign a Prenup …
http://www.nubiamag.com Cari

I am definitely am in favor of the prenup, whether it's my signing one or vice versa. I believe in being realistic and although I would want my marriage to last forever--forever is a long-time. With 52% of marriages ending in divorce and financial reasons the #1 cause of splits, it's a precautionary measure and in my opinion doesn't mean there is less love in prenup marriage than in one where no prenup was given.
madamtruth

da Throne, you are a very respectable man...and there should be more like you.

I do, however think that prenups are a necessity in today's world...sad but true. & honestly, in the older days I think one of the reasons a lot of people actually stayed in bad marriages is because they were afraid to get out...women of today are a lot more independent & I think that has a lot to do with the increase in the divorce rate. I really don't think people have changed all that much, its the times that have changed.
Understanding

I havent ever been through a divorce. But I can understand enough of the painful emotions that other women go through in a divorce. So I think I can answer the question of why so many women jump to the money issue in divorces.

It's all about revenge. It says earlier in this story that Kelis told people that Nas abused her and cheated on her. When women are hurt or "played" by men the only thing they think of is how to hurt them back.

They do it in all kinds of ways. Some cheat back on thier man, some bust a couple windshields, and some try to take all of their mans hard-earned money.

It doesn't actually have anything to do with golddigging or being greedy. Its more about what is the worst way to get him back to make him hurt as much as he hurt you.

So ....... I would say that if a man doenst want to get all his money taken in case of a divorce, he should either sign a pre-nup or do right by the woman he married.
brwnbarbie

I believe in prenuptial agreements, and I am a woman lol. I think it's felt that women usually are anti-prenup but I'm not. I am a realist, and realistically marriages do not always work out or else the divorce rate wouldn't be what it is. I don't think the people who are included in the divorce statistics envisioned that they would get a divorce before or on their wedding day. But, one has to keep in mind that a divorce MAY occur and if it does, you betcha by golly wow, I'm trying to protect what I have. I almost threw up when the Paul McCartney case was going on and I don't even know him. But to see someone try to go after half of a person's net worth when said person was already worth that BEFORE the marriage? No siree, unacceptable. Kelis has been awarded over $40k a month in child support and alimony. That is a lot, and I don't feel that a person should be able to live lavishly at the ex's expense. I feel if you want to live lavisly, make the money that allows you to live that way. Being married to a person at one point in time shouldn't allow someone to live the rest of his or her life job free while receiving tens of thousands of dollars per month. I don't think it's fair UNLESS that person helped bring in that type of income. Nas was already at the top of the rap game before he even knew who Kelis was, she didn't contribute to his estate so I don't feel she is entitled to a percentage of his earnings. If you want to live the lifestyle that you lived while married, stay married. If you don't want to, you can't expect to live the same way because the main breadwinner in the equation is now out of the equation.
jamila

I think any celebrity that's going to get married needs to have a pre-nup. Nas would't be in this situation if he did the responsible thing. She was not with Nas from the beginning, she didn't see the rise to fame, she wasn't a high school sweet heart or college. Why does she feel good about taking him for everything he has, when she didn't even help him get to that point. She is a disgusting individual. Karma will come her way.