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The Story of the Short Pants (Definition of Manhood)

Posted by NWSO • May 6, 2009 • Printer-friendly

My Uncle always tells the most interesting stories. One night over dinner at my mother's house, he told me the story of the short pants. My mother and her siblings were born and raised in the Caribbean on a little island called St. Lucia. According to my Uncle, in the islands, one’s manhood is determined by the length of his pants. Basically, little boys wear short pants, and men wear long pants.

Each year a boy gets older, he prays for the day that his mother will bring home a pair of long pants. That was the day you arrived. The day you became a man—to the outside world at least. Well, my Uncle was coming up in age but had yet to receive his long pants. At the time, he didn't even know he was supposed to get long pants, his short pants served him well and he was happy with their length. Considering how hot it gets under the Caribbean sun, I’d be happy with a pair of short pants too. Damn, I need a vacation, but I digress…

There was a big school dance coming up and all the big boys were going and my Uncle couldn’t wait to go as well. He even asked a girl and she said yes. On the night of the dance, he got dressed in his best shirt, put on his short pants and was on his way. As soon as he got there, he realized something was terribly wrong. All the big boys were wearing long pants. It was at that moment he realized that he wasn’t the big boy that he thought he was. Completely embarrassed, he left before he could have his first dance with a girl.

When my Uncle came home earlier than expected, his mother asked what had happened and he explained to her how he needed a pair of long pants just like the big boys. A few days later he got those long pants and felt like he could now be viewed as a man in the eyes of his peers. But how much of a man can someone be if they have to ask to be initiated?

Here’s my thing: A pair of pants—short or long—can’t make someone a man. It’s his character, his dependability, his commitment, and his acceptance of responsibilities. A couple hundred pieces of thread sewn together don’t magically transform a boy into a man. There are so many supposed “men” that feel they wear the pants in the house, relationship and life. But based on the actions of so many of them (my Uncle included), they may need to go to the tailor to have the hem on their long pants raised. All I’m saying is clothes don't make the man, real men make the clothes, and maybe, just maybe, some of you aren’t the big boys that you thought you were.

Fin!

What’s your take on my Uncle’s story? What lesson did you take from it? Can a person’s manhood or womanhood be determined by the clothes they wear? What about that old adage that you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes? Do you feel that there are a lot of people that call themselves real men and women but they really aren’t? How do you define manhood and womanhood?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: adulthood, coming of age, Family, manhood, St. Lucia, uncle

Elle

I think I just got eye cancer from looking at the bottom pic .. .... thanks!

In an ideal world, clothes do not make the man. It is about who is inside of the clothes that matters the most. I can think of a gazillion examples of people who I know dress down on purpose to avoid attracting attention and thereby the wrong crowd - read: gold diggers.

On the other hand I know equally as many people who throw on the "Armani" suit knowing damn well it's a cheap, turkish knock-off. But as long as they seem to be more than they actually are, they are happy.

So at the end of the day it comes down to how much self esteem one possesses. At least I'd like to think so. Women with self esteem issues hide their true colors behind layers and layers of make up. Insecure men buy watches, cars & electronics they can't afford ... so on and so forth.

A real man/woman is somebody who is comfortable with who he/she is, not how he/she looks. Worn out shoes, crinkled shirt and the like do not tell much about a person in general. They only say something about a moment in a person's life.

The job world on the other hand is a whole different ball game. Here you have to play by the rules for the most part if you want to get anywhere. Which sucks but it is what it is I guess.
Simoneis2good4u

It seems like from "short pants" story - society ruled. Meaning, it only takes a few people to determine what makes a person the who. A few people say long pants is for men only - so.... When a girl reaches puberty she becomes a young woman.....
You guys are right when you say that what really makes a person a man/woman, is their actions. How they handle themselves and their responsibilities and how they handle real life situations. We have many boys out their wearing "long pants" that are not men.
Simone's version of a man - someone with good morals and values, does not shirk his responsibilities, tries to succeed in this world, does not look for the easy way out, willing to be a good role model, not afraid to cry on a woman's shoulder or take her advice and support (within limits and if needed), not into games, willing to admit when he is wrong... the list goes on and on but i think you get the drift.
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

I by most people account would not be a man ,but I dont care what other people consider aspects of a man. I treat everybody with the respect they deserve. I am a person of principle and my word is as good as cash(maybe even better than the U.S. dollar LOL). I comfrontable in my skin and command the respect that I get. So dispite my financial woes I am very much a man.

I think we let culture supersede some simple aspects that should be basic. There are people who have all the financial things and throw on a suit but are still little boys in mindset. I think we as a society have place to much importants on possession instead of personailty and its why we have so many low character people in life.
Swaylah

AMEN TO THAT BROTHA!
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http://www.fishandspaghetti.com jay1

i don't care how nice someone is or how much self esteem they have, or how great of a person they are inside, this is a visually society and if you wear shorts to a black tie affair, the general public is gonna assume that you are either:

-poor
(and there's nothing wrong with being poor, although, being broke at a certain age can be interpreted as a sign of immaturity)

-or just too dumb to realize that what they are wearing is innapropriate.
(and if that's the case, lack of self awareness is also a sign of immaturity and thus not very "grown up")

i wear whatever i'm comfortable with in general but i'm fully aware of when certain clothes or t-shirts are not gonna fly.

so I say, yes, wear whatever you're comfortable in but still be smart enough to know when you can't.

I would love to wear pajamas to a job interview but you gotta wear what "Grown ups" are expected to wear every now and then.
July

Clothes (or even shoes) do not maketh the man in my eyes. I think there are a lot of character traits that a male should possess before he can be called a man but to me the number one trait is that he keeps his promises, that to me encompasses everything that makes a man.

A man will not make a promise he cannot keep, will be mature enough to tell you if he cannot do what is asked of him, accepts the responsibilities that come with taking on that promise and executes it to the best of his ability.
http://theurbandaily.blackplanet.com/movies/dubya-co-stars-jeffrey-wright-josh-brolin-arrested/ Kevin L. Clark

That's interesting how family stories seem to come from the same pocket (old and young). My uncle had a story similar to this, except he was raised in the South - another hot place to live - and didn't care what he wore.

Still doesn't to this day.

And although clothes don't make the man, a lot of people's perceptions are based upon the style or name brand that you wear. Go to a job interview in sneaks and a BAPE t-shirt and find yourself working at Starbucks.

I agree with you Ans about how a man should move, but if he's not comfortable in the skin he's in, the clothes will never feel right, either.

Good post.
mine jaz

FUCK THE GENERAL POPULATION AND THE BRAINWASHED SOCIETY! do you and if that means u want a pair of long pants to feel grown so be it...eventually if ur not someone will let you know [probably a black person]...its a similar thing with women or little girls and training bras...or bras periode, yea there good for support but really id rather not wear one....ever! i say we go back to our roots and start walking around naked...then we can take in the full effect of a nice breeze!
http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

@mine jaz

Im naked as I type!

with socks on and my burgerking crown!
Hipnotiqbrowneyes

Damn that...as much as we (myself included) would like to take the high road and say clothes don't make the man...we all know the truth.

I have been in everyday situations, in the mall, the store, taking a walk....and have seen some very attractive brothas; could be an executive somewhere, have a very nice personality, all that good stuff. But...his pants are sagging so low past his ass...I don't even give him a second look because I can't get past that. And that's just one example. So....do the clothes MAKE the man?..maybe not completely, but they damn sure play a big part. We don't walk past people we don't know and say "wow he/she looks like they have a nice personality". No, the first thing we look at is appearance from the top of their heads to the bottom of their feet...and all in between which would be their clothes. I wish it wasn't like that, but.....
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Hipnotiqbrowneyes

Think you're missing the point. Yes, bad clothes or haphazard attire will make people have a certain perception of someone, but regardless if you're in a 3-piece suit or a sweat suit those clothes have no bearing on whether or not that person is a real man or woman—in terms of stepping up to handle their responsibilities. The dude in the sweat suit could be a construction worker that busts his ass all day to go home and cook for his ailing wife and pick up his son from school to teach him his alphabet, while the guy in the suit could be an alcoholic wifebeater that cheats. Who's more of a real man? The sweat suit rockin' brother with dusty Timbs or the exec looking type?

Yes, we all tend to judge a book by its cover (except for Da ThRONe) but a pile of shit in Barney's wrapping paper is still a pile of shit, just like a work of art wrapped in plain brown paper is still a work of art. The package only gets you but so far.

Superficial vs. official
Lonias

@Elle...LOL
Lonias

I think initiation rituals and rights-of-passage have their place in society. I DEFINATELY don't want to take ANYTHING away from single moms, but perhaps young men could benefit from looking forward to becoming a man via an anticipated ritual in the absence of a father (-figure). Maybe young men would be forced to think of manhood in terms of abstractions like resposibility and respect, rather than in terms of material things and "making babies".
Just a thought...
Ms P

No you should not judge a book by its cover, BUT your physical appearance is what one sees first. Your personality, intelligence, sense of humor are not noticeable at a glance. We are all visual creatures at first. However, a mature person will take the time to look a little deeper. All that glitters is not gold. I have known so many people who looked good on paper, & were physically appealing, but were horrible on the inside.

As for what equates to manhood/womanhood, I say RESPONSIBILITY is the main thing. You have to take responsibility for what you do & what you say. Your life is your responsibility. Your children are your responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility. Another thing is say what you mean & mean what you say!!! Lying is childish. Being wishy-washy is childish. Be a man/woman of your word. And don't be so stubborn that you cannot say I'm sorry, or I was wrong. A real man/woman can admit their faults.
paulettebajangal

That may have worked in St Lucia but it won't work in America.We have Winter.lmao

But yeah...clothes don't really mean too much unless they are really dirty or hanging off your ass.

I understand what you're saying though.Your uncle and his friends weren't really becoming men because of the long pants.it was really a myth.
Organized Chaos

Again, another great topic choice, NWSO.

I completely feel you on the point that you were making. It has nothing to do with the actual clothing but the fact that back in the day most boys coming into their manhood were taught by either their actual father or a father figure that it is no play thing to becoming a man that will eventually help create and rear, support and be the head of a family. Most were taught that it is an honor and a privilege to be called a man. They were taught that it is not owed to you, you must be worthy of the titles and the responsibility all of that true manhood entales. It is not a plaything by any means.

I know 60 year old 'men' that attempt to demand respect but do not deserve an iota of it. They automatically expect because they have an extended genitalia and some mileage they deserve to be treated like a king. On the other hand, I know very responsible teen aged and twenty something males that are the shining example of what a man should be.

I believe that woman and man hood comes when that person is at a point in their lives where they accept life as it comes, takes care of the situations that they create and/or commit to, and do not blame anyone else for their mistakes/misfortunes. They are secure in their own skin and attempt to make things better for the people that matter the most to them.

I would continue, but my rant is way too long already peace and many blessings to all my fellow sockheads!
artsyheartsy

Maybe because I am always talking about rites of passage at work the clothes were incidental to the story for me. What resonated with me was the idea that there were for your uncle clear markers for the border between childhood and adulthood. I am nostalgic for a time where there were symbols and rituals and ways of knowing which side of the line you were on. My son is 17 and having a hard time with this moment and I am clear that while I am about to push him out of my nest (and into a post hs life of school and work and living with his dad...) he is not close to a full grown man yet.
single23

I am not a man and never will be, so I can't tell you what it will take to be a man. But I can recognize the signs of manhood. Like you said, its the actions, the way you carry yourself, and wisdom.

I guess because I am a girl the story resonated differently with me. It's not like he was asking to be initiated into manhood to me, but rather that he realized that he was still being seen as a boy but wanted to be seen as a man.

As a girl growing up, my mother dressed me as a child. I understand now that because I was developing a body at such a young tender age, she wanted to make sure that even if my body said I could be older; everyone who saw me, especially men, would be able to tell by the way I was dressed that was a child. You couldn't believe how frustrating it was to go shopping, and seeing clothes that I had the figure for, but knowing my mom wouldn't by them for me because they were too old for me. Now don't get me wrong. I didn't want to look older than what I was, I just wanted to wear cuter clothes (ribbons and bows gets annoying after a while). Believe me, I was already self-conscious about men. I remember it was when I was 13 that I stopped trying to wear clothes that were for grown women, because I was tired of grown men hitting on me. I had asked my mom why so many older guys tried to talk to me and she told me that they were looking at my body but my face looked my age.

Looking back, I am grateful to my mom for insisting that I dressed my age. Even dressing like a child I was still approached by grown men (pedophiles). So I know the clothes don't make the man, but it definitely affects how you are perceived. Which makes me feel sorry for the younger generation. When I was 11, clothes for 11 yr old girls looked childish. But now you can hardly distinguish between children clothes and adult (casual wear). So men need to make sure they look at the face more or you may be behind bars for statutory rape.
Semora Howell

I thought the story would be different that he would show her that he did something to deserve the long pants. It's a good lesson to learn.
BADbrownbunny

I like my men naked.....so who needs pants LOL