Could You Sleep in a Bed Where Your Mate Cheated?
The other morning I woke up and as I was wipin’ the cold from eye (word to Biggie) I flicked on the TV, which happened to land on Maury. In true you-are/not-the-father fashion, he had a scandalous love triangle square. This young woman, who was about 20, came on the show with a secret for her older sister (that’s never a good sign). Apparently she had been sleeping with her sister’s fiancé for the past year. Now the younger sister’s three months pregnant and isn’t sure if the baby is her sister’s fiancé’s or her boyfriend's, who happens to be the fiancé’s cousin. Hopefully you can follow that.
As expected the older sister is distraught and asks her sibling how she could do such a thing. The response: “It just happened.”
Older sister: “How many times did it ‘just happen’?”
Younger sister: “Uhm, like 20 times.”
Older sister: “What?!? How the hell does that just happen 20 times? Where did y’all even do it?”
Younger sister: “Well, we did it at my house a few times and in your bed…”
That’s the part that got me. Not only did the younger sibling sleep with her sister’s man, but she had the nerve to do it in her bed. Talk about grimy. It got me to thinking: People always talk about cheating in terms of the actual act, but rarely about where the activity took place and the emotional ramifications of that. Let’s say you’re able to forgive your lover for sleeping with someone else on vacation or while y’all was “on break.” But do things change if they cheated in the same bed where y’all make love or worst yet in a bed that y’all share as husband and wife or as a live-in couple? Could you still lay your head down on that pillow at night without thinking about their infidelity? While I don’t have any solid numbers, I’d imagine there are a lot of cheating people out there and they can’t all be doing the nasty in cheap motel rooms. Chances are a cheater somewhere has done their dirt on your home turf.
FLASHBACK a few years, and there was this girl Khalilah I was kicking it with (read that however you want to) and we had gotten intimate. One day we were hanging out and bumped into this girl Brenda that I was kicking it with right before Khalilah. Somehow or other, Khalilah got the sense that I had messed around with Brenda before and asked me about it later. If you can’t tell by now, I’m a pretty straightforward guy for the most part, so I kept it real and said, “Yeah, we messed around before.” I had nothing to hide and figured that would be enough to satiate her curiosity. Nope, not by a long shot, Khalilah put me through the ringer as soon as we got back to my crib.
“When did you mess with her,” she began.
“Like, last year some time in the spring.”
“So… You slept with her?”
“Yeah.”
“When was the last time?”
“Like the end of the summer maybe early fall. What’s with all the questions?”
“So that’s the girl you slept with before me?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“You slept with her in your bed?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I can’t sleep in your bed now.”
“What?!?!? What the hell are you talking about?”
“You slept with that girl in your bed. How can I sleep there when you had sex with some other chick there?”
“You’re buggin’. That was months before you and I started having sex and you act like I never had sex with anybody else before you or her in that bed.”
“But she was the last one you slept with and I just met her. Now I know what she looks like and I just can’t do it.”
“Yo, you’re really buggin’. You act like I didn’t have a past before you.”
“It’s not that, but… all I can do now is look at your bed and see her.”
“So what am I supposed to do get a new bed?”
“I don’t know, but all I know is you’re not getting none from me tonight.”
Sadly, she was right, I didn’t get any that night and for a while after that. Just another case of someone asking a question(s) they couldn’t handle the answer to. Part of me understood where Khalilah was coming from, but the fact the sex with Brenda didn’t happen while we were together should have negated any weirdness about my bed, regardless of the fact that Brenda was the last person before her. It’s not like I was double dipping or cheating. If that was the case then I would see why she'd be concerned, but since it wasn’t she had no reason to be worried about who was sleeping in my bed and stay focused on us doing more than sleeping.
What would you do if you found out your mate cheated in your bed or one that you shared? Could you ever sleep there comfortably? Would you go so far as to throw out the mattress or flip it? What’s easier to overlook/forgive, the cheating or having sex in a bed you both sleep in? Does it make a difference if you’re married or just dating? Did Khalilah have a right to be upset or did she overreact? Should past sex acts in a bed be used against you? Is there a statute of limitations on how much time should pass between sex acts in a bed before having a new partner? Have you ever cheated in a bed you and you’re your mate shared?
Speak your piece…
“IN MY BED” BY DRU HILL
DRU HILL - In My Bed - DRU HILL
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