Do Men Really Want to Marry Virgins? (The Purity Myth)

0 Posted by - May 21, 2009 - News & Current Events, Relationships, Love & Marriage

wait-virgin-ring

If you read yesterday’s Hump Day post and the one from last week, you can pretty much tell that I enjoy the art of sex lovemaking. (But really who doesn’t?) Now, I’ve never claimed to be the best you ever had (cue Drake’s record) but I definitely try to make it do what it do and I expect my bedroom boo to do the same. That’s why I can’t wrap my head around the concept of someone wanting a virgin. In my 16 years of boning I have yet to pop a cherry that wasn’t my own and I damn sure don’t plan on starting now.

While the idea of a bride in a flowing white dress and saving yourself for marriage sounds nice for a fairytale wedding, in today’s oversexed society it’s just not a realistic dream—for me at least. In fact, that would actually be a nightmare. The reason I say that is because I’ve literally spent half my life perfecting my stroke and poke, so when and if I jump the broom I want it to be with a woman that can satisfy me—now not later. That’s not to say a virgin or a less “experienced” partner can’t learn how to please her man sexually, but I’d much rather roll in the hay with a woman that already knows how to swing a pitchfork. Of course, if I we were both virgins or had equally limited bedroom knowledge then none of this would matter because we’d be on the same plane sexually. But since I’m no virgin (sorry, mom) that’s a moot point.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with waiting for marriage if that’s your thing (or you’re my lil sister:). I’m also not saying that people should go out and have sex with everyone under the sun, because there are way too many STDs/STIs and deadbeat dads (a few moms too) out there, but at my age (and experience) I don’t have the patience to deal with a virgin. As much as I take my time during foreplay, I’d imagine a first-time lover would have to be eased super-slowly into new positions, oral sex, being called my dirty little bitch in bed and even knowing what she liked sexually. Sure, it might be fun molding someone into your perfect sex partner and partaking in some super tight nookie, but the position I’m hiring for requires some experience. On the job training is cool, but there are limitations.

Honestly, the whole idea of virginity being a sign of purity is one big crock. Sex doesn’t change a person’s personality, so a gold digger that’s never been with a man before is no different than a gold digger that’s slept with the whole neighborhood. The virgin tends to get a pass because our society judges a woman by her sexual history, while men are able to have as many partners as they like with no problem. Here’s the thing, though, if women are supposed to be “untouched” and “pure,” who the hell are the promiscuous men sleeping with when they’re sowing their wild oats? It’s a foolish double standard that doesn’t even make sense when you really think about it.

In fact, the other day my homegirl Hannah aka h* sent me a link (CLICK HERE) to an article on Jezebel.com. It was a Q&A with author Jessica Valenti who recently released The Purity Myth, a book that discusses the falsehoods about female “purity” and “virginity.” It’s an interesting discussion that covers a wide array of points, but I found Valenti’s point about how society places White women into the virgin mold more easily than their Black/Brown counterparts the most interesting. She says, “Feminists like bell hooks have been talking about the way Black women’s bodies are positioned as hypersexual for years. (Mostly because it’s a great way for men to have an excuse for sexual assault—you can’t ‘dirty’ something that was already ‘unclean.’)… The thing is, there is certainly an abstinence movement in communities of color and purity advocates who are people of color—but they’re not really shown in the mainstream abstinence movement… When you do see abstinence being targeted at young women of color, there’s not the same kind of talk of purity—it’s more about targeting a group of women that the movement has already focused on as ‘troubled,’ and already-sexual.”

What are your thoughts on society’s views of virginity? Is there a double standard? Should a person be perceived as “pure” because they haven’t had sex? How much does someone’s sexual history effect who you date? Does the burden of virginity rest solely on women? Do you view male and female virgins differently? If so, how? Do you think women of color are viewed as more sexual in society’s eyes than their Caucasian counterparts? Would you date or marry a virgin? Why or why not?

Speak your piece…

save-a-virgin-do-me

UPDATE:

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @NWSO

    Are you serious “virgin”? Try finding a single girl over 21 without 2+ kids.

  • DJ Stiletto

    Being with a virgin is simply an ego trip to me. A sexually inexperienced partner is unattractive to me in the sense that I’m not striving to be a teacher (beyond the role play, lol). I’ve never dated/slept with a virgin and probably won’t.

    On a different note, being a woman of color and being outspoken about my sex life, I find myself often scrutinized and stereotyped. It goes back to the Sapphire/Mammy complex that is cast upon black women. Caucasian women are not placed into these roles and can freely discuss their sex lives without being viewed by society as whores; women of color, particularly black and Latina, find themselves constantly on the complete opposite end of the spectrum

  • July

    The way I see it generally sexual responsibility rests solely on the shoulders of women. Women are expected to turn down the advances of men and “keep them in line” whilst men get away with their quest to stick it to anything that moves and no one bats an eyelid. So yes the burden of virginity is seen to be that of women. Even looking at the advocates of abstinance, they always target more heavily towards females than to males.

    Male and female virgins are seen in a different light. Nobody expects a man to not want to sow his royal oats and for him to reach a certain age without having given into that urge is honestly weird. I don’t think I would want a virgin, I just dont have the energy to teach from scratch, dude has to come at least knowing something!

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  • CC

    Sex is a natural thing. A person doesn’t have to have experience with pleasure to know its pleasurable. So a virgin doesn’t have to have had sex to know where all the pieces go. As far as skill goes, there are people who have been having sex for years and still are no good. Just as I’m sure there are virgins who are great their first time, because it comes naturally to them. Experience is not always a predictor of performance. Natural talent can’t be taught its gifted by God. Some people can learn to be good, but they’ll never be great no matter how long they’ve been in practice. While others seem born to do it. The first time with a new partner is no different than the first time with a virgin. Everybody is different. The same tricks that drove an ex crazy may not work in the current relationship. There is always that learning period and adjusting to each others bodies and changes in taste. Anyone that thinks they don’t have to keep learning may be that person that has been having sex for years and still is no good! Virgin or not, both adults have to figure each other out and keep figuring it out.

  • abeni

    I’m a 24 yr old virgin (never done anything sexual) and I admit it’s a gift and a curse. My college boyfriend broke up with me because he felt the same way as NWSO, in that he wanted a girl with experience.

    Now it’s post-college, I get many dates but when we get closer to the exclusive stage guys either get really anxious to be my first, put me in friend zone or run for the hills. I would love to get married someday but my virginity will probably stop that from happening. I don’t want to wait until marriage but guys just don’t want to teach me I guess.

    Lately I’ve been pondering if I should just get it over with and have sex w/o telling the guy I am a virgin.

    • Quisitscan

      if your still a virgin Know that its a blessing:) it truly keeps you closer to God believe this..:) yes I might be view as Jesus freak or bible thump-er (which I DO NOT CARE).. its truly a liberation from humanity weakness to not have self control:) having liberation from this world is a very awesome feeling, anytime you don’t follow what everyone considers the norm your outcast! this part may seem a bit off subject but its kinda like how we view Muslim and modest women oppressed because they don’t wanna take it off or show it.. that to me is us bringing oppression to them, yes in some areas of that culture women might be force or cursed if they dont do what OTHERS THINK IS RIGHT! but its not just them its US as well… we curse and try to force people beyond there will 24-7 but you as a person are to be respected and highly favored because you decided to stay a virgin for this long:)

      be well God bless

    • Quisitscan

      if your still a virgin Know that its a blessing:) it truly keeps you closer to God believe this..:) yes I might be view as Jesus freak or bible thump-er (which I DO NOT CARE).. its truly a liberation from humanity weakness to not have self control:) having liberation from this world is a very awesome feeling, anytime you don’t follow what everyone considers the norm your outcast! this part may seem a bit off subject but its kinda like how we view Muslim and modest women oppressed because they don’t wanna take it off or show it.. that to me is us bringing oppression to them, yes in some areas of that culture women might be force or cursed if they dont do what OTHERS THINK IS RIGHT! but its not just them its US as well… we curse and try to force people beyond there will 24-7 but you as a person are to be respected and highly favored because you decided to stay a virgin for this long:)

      be well God bless

    • Anonymous

      You should find someone who will VALUE your virginity. Don’t just give it up like that- your body isn’t meant to be shared with everyone. People who lose it casually regret it. I’ve talked about this with plenty of friends. Make a smart decision. Wait until you find a great guy to lose it to- maybe even wait until you find the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.. there are people out there who are looking for other virgins.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Thompson/1451838291 Lisa Thompson

      NO – tell him, those guys running for the hills are doing you a favor – they are not the ones you want to lose it with (no offense to NWSO) but a guy who is unwilling or uninterested in taking a little extra care or time maybe isn’t worth having it’s not a bad litmus test actually, makes you wonder what would he do if you got really sick or injured?or pregnant granted not too important when you’re dating but a major consideration when pondering marriage

  • http://iamgvg.blogspot.com GVG

    Simple answer – Because it curves to my dick.

  • Elle

    Pft, purity my ass. Where I am from we have a huge Turkish community. These girls all get married as “virgins”. And I guess depending on the definition of virgin, they actually are. Not because they never had sex but simply because they never have practised anything that envolved vaginal penetration. These chicks are the queens of oral and anal sex though. But are they still virgins because technically their hymen is still intact? Who knows. I guess this is the part where everybody can bend logic to their own standard.

    On a different note, one of my male acquaintances is a virgin because of his religious beliefs. So they do exist.

    My ex was a virgin when we met, but not too long thereafter … lol. I don’t see the big deal.

    We were all virgins at one point and if everybody stigmatized it to a point where people are being avoided simply because of their sexual inexperience they would remain virgins until the day they die.

    Putting so much emphasize on avoiding virgins is the same thing as stigmatizing virginity to describe “pure”, “good”, even “better” women/men in comparison to the rest of us impure “works of the devil”. Puhlease. If society would calm the fuck down and not put so much focus on such unimportant things, we might have a shot at saving the world.

    Sex is just that, sex. It can be good, it can be bad. It can be improved. And sometimes two people simply do not match inside the bedroom despite the great time they have outside of it. That’s it. There is no friggin science to it. What is good to one lover might be horrible in the eyes of another. You can be experienced all you want, with every new partner you have to adjust your style and learn how to deal with that particular person “at hand”.

    So virgin, no virgin … I don’t care. If people remain virgins because this is what they want to do, more power to them. Being forced by societal standards is wrong in my book though. We’re all adults. We don’t have to please anyone but ourselves.
    Personally, I wouldn’t write a guy off simply because he is inexperienced. That would add yet another unimportant BS-factor to my laundry list and therefore make it even harder to find a person I can spend a wonderful life with.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @CC

    I def hear what you’re saying and feel you on constantly learning from your partner and everyone being different. But speaking as someone that’s never been with a virgin so just assuming, I’ve heard that sex hurts for a virgin the first time and while the act could be tender and all that I’m guessing it wouldn’t be the rhythm I’d be used to for a while and vice versa. Also, while it’s no guarantee that any partner will be as adventurous I’m “assuming” an inexperienced person would just take longer to be comfortable with their own body and sexuality—natural gift or not.

    Of course, I could be totally wrong on all counts, like I said never been with a virgin other than myself. I just know the man I was sexually 16 years ago when i lost my virginity is totally different from now. It may have been good for the time, but in comparison to recent years it’s a whole other ball game, so I’d prefer a partner on par. But if I truly loved someone that happened to be a virgin it wouldn’t matter, but it’s just my preference.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Abeni

    Regardless of what I say or any guy do what’s right for you. Like I told my sister in Monday’s post, just be sure whoever you chose to share yourself with the first time and every time really, feel that that person is special and cares for you. That’s what matters. if a man leaves you because he can’t have sex with you or is scared to be your first, hen he isn’t the one anyway.

    I think in a perfect world, someone’s first should be someone that is patient, passionate and understanding. It can’t be a wham bam dude cause that will NOT work. It’s a difference about making love or just having sex or fucking. Hopefully your first time will be making love. If that is what happens you should wind up with a guy that is willing to teach you.

    As for having sex and lying about being a virgin, I don’t know if that would be best because you may get a guy thinking you’re experience trying to put it on you way too rough. I’m no woman, and haven’t been a virgin in eons, but I’d assume you’d need a tender lover that is willing to work with you and make the experience comfortable.

  • abeni

    @NWSO,

    regarding your comment to me, I agree with you and appreciate your words but since I’m an ‘old’ virgin and given my track record that I talked about above I’m just ready to get it over with. It’s no fun having that outsider feeling. I just want to experience it and have more serious relationships because I can’t have them when guys bail on me b/c I’m a virgin. I’m not trying to give it up freely but damn it’s hard to lose.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Abeni

    You’re grown and will make whatever decision you want, I just hope it’s the best one for you and someone worthy of the experience. But sex won’t make a relationship better, most times it makes things more complex and emotionally draining.

    Whatever you decide tread lightly and wisely.

    Good luck

  • Kee Kee

    Well, I am 22 year old virgin. And I definitely agree with CC…
    I mean just because I’m a virgin, am I supposed to be oblivious to anything pertaining to sex? That’s crazy. Especially in the time where we’re living in where a twelve yr old can look at tv and get sex tips. I know experience is big thing, but I consider myself very knowledgeable when it comes to sex. I mean its to the point where my friends call me “The Freaky Virgin” and even ask me for advice when it comes to sexual intercourse. And NWSO, not everyone carrying their v-card is gonna be shy when it comes down to “doing the do”, lol. Because I’m basically down for the dirty talk, oral sex (& swallowing), trying anything at least once and being a “dirty lil’ bitch” ….for my husband. (And I’m very comfortable with my body and know what I like, thank you.) But I just think its something special and I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else than that certain someone. I know that may seem crazy to some, but it’s okay for me and my (experienced) man.

    Trying to hold out until marriage,
    Kee Kee

    *Love the blog, by the way… I’m a faithful lurker*

  • http://thoughtsof100k.blogspot.com 100K

    I dated a virgin who was set on keeping it till marriage.

    I couldnt do it. I was 22 at the time and I got needs she wasnt gonna fulfill. I did have strong feelings for her but sex is something i need. She was set on keeping it till marriage and other factors came into play so i backed out.

    Of course, sex has a big effect on the relationship. My #s are low but i got a high volume of smashing those girls. Id rather that than some girl smashing mad dudes all the time.

    I aint gonna say further because if i had a daughter, i’d want her to be treated like the princess I’ll raise her to be.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Kee Kee

    Hey, like I said I’ve never been with a virgin and I’m merely assuming. You seem to have a good grasp of the fundamentals, though. You’re a credit to your kind.

    lol

  • Kee Kee

    @NWSO

    Well thank you, lmao!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ Kee Kee

    No problem,maybe you have some better advice for Abeni a fellow virgin above ^^

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Kee Kee

    Will you marry me? :) please!

    Sex is more about effort and willness then experience. I’ll take a virgin anyday as long as she gets down like Kee Kee.

  • Elle

    Maybe we should agree on a definition of the word “virgin”.

    In my book, somebody who has had dick all down her throat or up her ass isn’t a virgin. Sorry.

    If we ask Merriam Webster, these are the results and according to some definitions even I am a virgin.

    1 a: an unmarried woman devoted to religion
    2 a: an absolutely chaste young woman
    b: an unmarried girl or woman
    4a: a person who has not had sexual intercourse b: a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity
    5: a female animal that has never copulated

    So what’ a vigin?

  • http://thoughtsof100k.blogspot.com 100K

    4a

  • July

    A virgin is someone who hasn’t had sexual intercourse. I’m with you Elle if you’ve been indulging in anal then you aren’t a virgin. Oral? Not too sure about that one.

  • CC

    NWSO
    It could also be that your current prowess has something to do with maturity more so than experience. As you grew as a person perhaps you became more aware of your lover’s needs. Which brings me back to the point, some people have been having sex for years and only care about how it feels to them because they are immature and therefore bad in bed.
    As far as getting used to a rhythmn, again you have to do that in a lot situations besides losing your virginity. If its been a while, if its a new partner, if its a new position, if you two just aren’t connecting, if you are bored, if you aren’t properly aroused, etc. etc. A lot of factors play in discomfort for a woman, but I guarantee any woman if truly turned on will not be feeling any pain and the rhythmn will work itself out. But if a woman isn’t flowing just right, it will be a bad situation and that doesn’t just happen to virgins. Oh and KeeKee already touched on the fact that virgins are just as comfortable with their bodies as experienced people, but let me just add that their are people married with kids that still have body issues and won’t get undressed with the lights on or won’t do certain sexual acts. Has nothing to do with viginity its a self esteem issue or a boundary issue.

    @100K
    So you would want your daughter to be given a respect that you yourself was not willing to give? I’m sure you see the hypocrisy in that. Just as I’m sure NWSO sees the hypocrisy in wanting his sister to be a virgin until she’s married but he wouldn’t want a virgin. lol Do you feel differently now that you are older?

  • Elle

    @100k

    If you root for 4a, then a whole different can of worms is being opened.

    What is considered sexual intercourse? Anal? Vaginal? Oral? Is it all about penetration? Do fingers count? Or does it have to be a dick? And what about dildos?

    Which is why personally I would go with definition Number 2a because it draws clearer boundaries.

    @all

    So yea, what are we talking about when we are referring to virginity?

  • CC

    So someone that has been kissed or felt up is no longer a virgin? Surely not. The last I checked oral sex and hand play was still foreplay not intercourse.

  • July

    @Elle, to get technical about it I think if a penis goes in vaginally or anally you are no longer a virgin. But all that other stuff doesn’t amount to sex.

  • Elle

    @CC
    That’s up to the individual to decide.

    If one decides to go with the “intercourse definition”, then you are right. Although I find hand play quite questionable since fingers can do an awful lot of penetrating.

    On the other hand, if being a virgin means being chaste, then sucking dick, swallowing & being on the receiving end of oral sex as well do not fall into the “chaste category”.

    Virgin this, virgin that. Whether somebody decides to safe themselves for marriage or another person avoids dealing with virgins like it was the plague, either way people put too much emphasize on something so unimportant.

  • Elle

    @July

    Alright, let’s go with this definition for the sake of the topic.

    :)

  • July

    @Elle. Just curious but why shouldnt we place importance on issues of virginity and sexual compatability?

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    @ NWSO:

    It doesn’t always hurt that badly the first time. Not during the act—sitting down afterward was a bit uncomfortable for a few weeks. It didn’t for me, at least, and I was 30 when I had intercourse for the first time. Technically my “cherry” was popped at 21 by my boyfriend’s fingers while we were fooling around. And that didn’t hurt either. I’ve heard that if the girl/woman is athletic or into physical fitness it doesn’t hurt as much. I’d been studying dance since I was 9, so that may have been why it didn’t hurt as much as people said it would. And my first time wasn’t really awkward. I just practiced all the tricks that I fantasized about for years and kept it rolling…and rolling… You get the picture.

    And as far as marrying a virgin, it wouldn’t matter to me as long as we loved each other and I was attracted to him mentally, spiritually, and physically.

  • Kee Kee

    @Abeni
    I don’t think you should just up & give to anyone just to get it over with. My bestfriend decided to go that route and let’s just say the road is becoming a long and ugly one. But I definitely feel you where your coming from. It’s extremely hard to find someone comfortable with your virginity. Ahh, the dreaded “Friend Zone” really sucks sometimes but you can use to your benefit. A guy’s point of view can be golden in certain situations. But one thing I seem to struggle with is when you drop the v-bomb. You know “My name’s Kee Kee, I’m 22. I’m a libra. Oh yeah, I’m a virgin too…etc.” I get mixed responses. But with my current boyfriend, I waited til the man was darn near in love to drop it on him. (Which I kinda felt bad for.) But I think he was a lil shocked at first, maybe he didn’t believe me. But he’s accepted it and we have moved forward in our relationship. I mean there’s rough times, but my bf is relieved bcuz some problems he’s had in prior relationships, he doesn’t have with to worry about with me. (Like those “close calls” or other scares) But gurl you just have to do whatever your comfortable with. If can’t stand being a virgin a day longer and you can stick by your decision and not regret it, go ‘head gurl. But if you want wait until marriage, by all means stick with your morals. Your knight in shining armor will eventually come, just be patient. (And all those other fools will wish they locked you down when they had the chance! :D )

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    @ CC:

    I agree with everything you said 100%. Great sex, lovemaking, and fucking are about compatibility. A person can be a virgin and still be very sexually compatible—and get freaky—with someone who’s been doing the do for years, and vice versa. It’s all about the connect. And some folks are just more sexual and more comfortable with their bodies than others, virgin or not.

    And stay true to your beliefs whatever you decide to do. Being the good little Catholic girl that I was, I was planning on staying a virgin until marriage. But then I decided maybe I may never get married, but I wanted to have sex, so I did it at 30. In retrospect, I wish—oh God I wish—I would have done it with my first boyfriend when I was 21. To this day I still think about that dude and the what-if’s. Man, the things we could have done… AH, what regrets. If I find that boy today, my 5-year drought is OVER!

    But those are my choices. They may not be the popular ones—or the right ones for everyone—but they are mine, and I’m sticking to them. Whether to wait or not, or how long to wait, should be an individual’s choice. Bunk society and the labels it places on us, and just do you. And anyone else you decide to—or not.

  • Kee Kee

    But I hope no one was confused by my earlier post since we are clarifying what’s a virgin. All of the things I said WILL do, is just that. I will do it after that ring. Before that you gets nada, okay not exactly nothing, but I consider oral sex something sacred just like sharing the rest of my body with you. I was just saying when we reach that point I won’t be apprehensive to do those things. And no, if you’ve had vaginal or anal penetration, I don’t think you should be considered a virgin.

    @ Da Throne

    You are a mess! LOL

  • paulettebajangal

    I lost my virginity at 15 by a 21 year old man.I don’t really know if I “lost” it cause its not something you can tangibly find again.And he was super wack.It lasted for all of 3 minutes.And the naive chick that I was kept fucking him for another year.He made me wonder why people were losing their damn minds over sex.I wasn’t impressed.

    For a woman…losing your virginity is not an amazing thing.It will not grant you any wishes or suddenly transform your life.lmao.It hurts a little…you bleed a little…and you look the same as you did a week before.Much ado about nothing really.

    .after childbirth my vagina became probably as tight as a virgin’s.No joke.I was very surprised cause there’s a myth that it remains stretched.My body reshaped internally.

    I wouldn’t knowingly sleep with a virgin male.I like a man that knows what he’s doing.But we all had to start somewhere…my skills today were developed over time.I was not a good lay in bed in my teens though.But then again….some men just wanna put their dick in a warm wet pussy…any pussy.So the experience of the chick might not even matter.

    As for virgins marrying “pure”…if you get a divorce from dude…you in the same boat as the rest of us for your next marriage.You can’t lose your virginity twice.

  • Kee Kee

    @ distinguishedgentlewoman

    What made you regret your decision to wait?

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    @ Kee Kee

    My first intention was to wait until marriage. But as I got older and realized that I may never get married, my horny ass decided I wanted to do the do with the person I was with at the time. Not to take anything away from my second boyfriend, but if I could have looked to the future at 21 and seen that I would lose my virginity outside of marriage, I would have slept with my first love. My only regret is that my first boyfriend was not the one with whom I shared the moment. If he had been there when I was 30, it would have been on. And if you saw him, honey, you would know why. And we had an unbelievable connection. But I was young and scared, and I ran for the hills. But that’s a different story.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    wow…..Very interesting, especially the drawn out discourse about vaginal/anal, oral. We are unlikely to settle upon a definition all will agree with. I’ve heard of persons in foreign lands claiming virginity although they engage in anal and/or oral sex. For me, anal means you’re sexual and being sexual means you’re not a “complete” virgin. When the term was originated (I’m making a WAG here, so don’t ask me for the research documents) back in the prehistoric colonial days anal sex was a reason to be put to death–so I’m POSITVE it was not an activity one could perform–and still claim the title of virgin. “CC” makes some valid and wonderful statements about how a virgin possibly can, inexperience and all, get it right and do a good job since there are likely many who have had much sex and suck at it. Think of that the next time you go to get your nails and hair done or your car service. tell them you want the “new, inexperienced’ technician. See how that works out for you. @ Abeni, if you are thinkin of losing your virginity as something to “get over with” you may need to look deeper into WHY you’re still a virgin because it doesn’t sound natural, or like something you’ve really given any deep thought to, as much as something you’ve accepted or had imposed upon you. I said “sounds like” because I obviously don’t know you, but you do not sound like someone doing something out of a deep conviction. And I do not see the need for you to discuss being a virgin with every guy you meet. Seems like you’re using it as a conversation piece but hopefully it takes time to get to the part of a budding relationship where sex talk is part of what you do. then again, you’re only 24, so maybe that point is arrived at sooner than when someone like myself, in there 40’s gets to that point. Most peoples first time SUCKED..especially women becuz we as “young” men can be lazy and just interested in getting ours. It takes a minute to get to the point where you think about pleasing a woman and for a woman to get to the point where she DEMANDS to be pleased. I would find it hard to fathom a woman in her 30’s still a virgin, but I’d be more interested in WHY she is that way than anything else. If it’s by choice,,,cool, explain your thinking to me, but if it’s for reasons you can’t explain, I’m outty…..You gotta be grown enuff to know why you do what you do–and proudly claim it to be worthy of my time.

  • D

    No way would I marry a virgin. I’m 40 , so it’s not likely to happen anyway. I’ve found that as I get older and the women I date also get older, they get much better in bed. My last serious GF was 42 and she blew my mind in the sack.

    I think I’m a better lover for all the experience I’ve had too (not that I’m Casanova, but I’ve had enough variety to learn a few things).

  • D

    @Kee Kee

    “Getting oral sex” is not the prize. Getting *good* oral sex is. Most women are not very good at it. At all. They treat it like a delicate kitten. Think of it more like a frisky puppy.

    I don’t have a problem with your waiting until marriage, just be aware that any good partner will expect you to improve in bed over time.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    Yo, Elle. Is “swallowing” really part of the oral sex act? Can you put out a bulletin on that cuz some women are still turning away, or giving it the ol’hand job when that a fella starts to spray….. Most men would rather see their seed not go to waste like that…what were we talkin about again?…my badd….lmao

  • JLaw1908

    @ Da throne
    Are you serious “virgin”? Try finding a single girl over 21 without 2+ kids. <<<- Dead. Lol! Im over 21, single w/ no kids. Glory be to God on that one bc Im pretty sure if it wasnt for His grace Id probably have a few myself.

    @Abeni
    DONT DO IT!! If if isnt w/ the right person, TRUST, like everyone else mentioned, its overrated. And sex can lead to a soul tie an you dont want to be connected to the wrong man. Im assuming that may be what happened to Kee Kee’s friend. Sex was intended for husband and wife which is why people sometimes get such strong feelings for their first. Its in Genesis bt Im not trying to preach in here.

    We live in a society where sex is everywhere so being a “virgin” doesn’t make u unknowledgable like CC said. A virgin hasnt had sex, PERIOD. That includes any act with the word sex attached to it. Heavy pecking and fondeling isn’t sex, bt them fingers penetrating can start something you may want to finish. I personally think ppl put too much emphasis on sex. Agreeing with the distinguishedgentelwoman, man is more than body so it should be a spiritual and emotional connection as well. I think it comes from a different level of maturity NOT SAYING ANYONE WHO COMMENTED ISN’T MATURE (had to caps that bc I know how some of you need-2-grows are lol!) but Im at an point in my life where sex just isnt enough (Im 27 and altho Jason and I are trying to be good clean Christian young adults, we do slip, AND its GREAT [4giv me Lord the flesh gets weak] lol! But I digress…). If we as a society would actually date people, like date how the word was originally intended, a lot more of us woud still be virgins, horny and all, because truth be told if we REALLY dated these people we claim to date, we would find out they aren’t even worthy to kiss us, let alone have sex. You passing on a virgin may be you passing on one the best blessings God has for you and in my book that seems a bit shallow. Im sorry, I have to be honest and say it. Abeni and Kee Kee, its not an accident you are a virgin. Think about the movie 40 Year Old Virgin: he met the perfect woman for him inspite of all the craziness. Not saying u have to wait that long. Just think about it…

    Just an honest Christian woman’s thoughts…

  • paulettebajangal

    To the virgins…sex is a beautiful thing when you are honest with yourself and the person you are having it with. You are gonna do it one day anyways. Obviously.

    I would suggest…I’m a 32 year old woman who didn’t even know what a clitoris was or looked like until I was like 25…you spend some time exploring your body and figuring out what feels good and what doesn’t.Plus masturbating and pleasuring yourself makes waiting much more tolerable…I assume.

    Question….Does using a tampon bust a cherry??I’ve always wondered if virginity is tied to the hymen being intact wouldn’t a tampon be the first ‘man’ that won that race??

  • Dc Man with a plan

    Damn…@ Kee Kee…..dirty and VIRGIN in the same sentence. I’m with Da Throne you sound like you at least know how to have fun, talk a good game, and swallow too? Hot damn! Isn’t it always said that sex is mostly mental? That you have to make love to a woman’s mind first–then her body is all yours? The concept of “natural talent” when it comes to sexual actions is hard to envision. Is that like having hooker tendencies? And who would be the judge of that? Who can say, DAMN shortee, you sho are natural at this for someone on her first, second, or third time out! You might be more flexible, more pliable, more open minded–and that may come off as seeming natural and experienced……..but truly natural? Is that the same as being a natural freak? @ Paulette…U know what is REALLY cool? Let your man watch you as you explore…THAT’s for real, for real…a good way to make for an exciting night of dreams and fantasies….U can get a proposal doing shyt like that…lol

  • paulettebajangal

    @ DC Man with a plan…proposals turned down.lmao.I actually like the dual.We are both watching each other and masturbating. Maybe couples that are waiting for marriage can try that.No intercourse involved.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    come on, Paulette. Who has THAT type of discipline? A couple waiting to marry…watching each other masturbate? Better be via web-cam bcuz other-wise that’s WAYYY to much pressure. U naked, I’m naked…..We bout to be gettn married in a few minutes under those circumstances bcuz masturbating just ain’t gonna be enuff….when I’m holdin my joint and looking at yours all wet, shiny and new…..SHYYTTT…..never heard a man BEG, plead and beg some more–until you’re thongs are on the floor, legs wide open, hands manipulating your throbbing, pulsing, clit……Ladies, don’t try THIS if you wanna stay a virgin…

  • paulettebajangal

    @ DC man with a plan…rotfl. They must be doing something.I can’t believe folk sleep in the same bed and don’t do no touching or nothing.

    Unless women are lying about being virgins.I mean…if the brother that broke her cherry lives in Timbuktu..who really knows??

  • The Intellect

    @ Abeni

    Please take Kee Kee’s advice. I was like you and I gave up and gave in and if I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. Gaining sexual experience pales in comparison to the emotions that come with sex for the first time. Yes, I was in love with the first, and to this day only, person I had sex with but when I realized I gave in to a “boy” who used me and didn’t love me I am still dealing with that now. So please do not rush this experience, it is something special and whether you lose your virginity on your wedding night or with a very special person in your life this is an experience that should never be rushed or taken for granted.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    Damn I go to sleep in this blog blows up!

    1st Anal and Oral both have SEX in the name so once you do(or get) it your not a virgin anymore I think thats pretty obvious!

    2nd I dont hate on anybody decision to wait I just dont think its necessary(then Im not religious). I think the ideal thing is to wait for love more than just wedding bells. I guess I have more faith in real love than I do marriage.

    and Last(but not least) In this day of pornos how long does it take for a female who wants to be great at head and sex to get there? If I plan on being with you the rest of my life waiting a few months for you to stop saying “Ouch” or “It hurts” wont kill you. I just refuse to wait til Im that far commited to find out. I have had sex with females that wasnt virgins that couldnt take dick at all(and Im no Mandingo) I would think test driving your lover would be more important for females than males. If a female suck theres pratices or lubricants but if dude has a baby dick or ED you just stuck!

  • Dc Man with a plan

    @ the Intellect…..I think your words are very wise and they come off as very logical sounding in the context of being on-line, sitting alone, all anonymous. Flash forward to the REAL world…where U have dude all up in your face..starring into your eyes…smelling GOOD as hell…got on his BEST, most fly gear…..got candles lit or walking under a bright moon…..or, sittin at an outdoor cafe, watching lovers walking by, hand in hand…@ the club, bodies grinding, people laughing, smiling…drinking…… Life is WAYYY more complicated than this on-line, sterile environment. So yeah, stay a virgin if that is your choice, but it’s gonna be harder to do if you subject yourself to situations where emotion and other factors play on your logical plan. In other words–U have to becareful playing with fire–or you will surely get burned! Virgins may have to slow their role and not experience everything bcuz of temptation…becuz you can make split second decisions that go against the plan you devised after careful study and thought. I’m just sayin, don’t play with fire cuz U think you’re smokey the bear……..As far as regret…always an interesting concept. Is that something you have after becoming wiser? And could you become wiser regarding that subject/topic–without having done that which you regret?

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    In Abeni case

    Sometime its worst losing that virginity to somebody you love as opposed to an almost “passing penis”. Emotion and sex can run together but it doesnt have to. Its not the end of the world either way. I would advice her not to make the decision to start humping around just to please other people. If she wants to do it and feel ready go for it. There is no cracker jack prize for marrying a virgin. The best course of action is whatever one is best for you there no handbook on life.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    And for the record BAD sex is overrated. That fire sex is great. But its only been a few girls how had the torch in her pants. There has been times where I was just ready to pull out mid-hump and bounce. On the other hand some chicks were so great I wanted to work that ass like a fulltime job!

  • paulettebajangal

    Choosing the “right” partner to lose your virginity to is like choosing your parents …it’s impossible.

    And frankly it’s extremely rare to only have one sexual partner throughout your lifetime.I’m not gonna say how many I’ve had but the 1st 3 couldn’t have won no awards for being great in bed.Imagine I had settled with one of those.My sex life would have been quite boring.

    The only regret possible with sex…in my opinion is having a kid with the wrong person and catching an STD.All the other stuff gets filed under “Would I try that again?”

    I love sex.It’s just….beautiful…especially when it’s with someone that understands how to maneuver my buttons.

    And let’s be honest…once you lose your virginity.It’s lost.Forever.

    • Anonymous

      Co sign!

    • Anonymous

      Co sign!

  • July

    “As far as regret…always an interesting concept. Is that something you have after becoming wiser? And could you become wiser regarding that subject/topic–without having done that which you regret”

    No truer words have been spoken!

    I made some incredibly bad decisions when I was younger and losing my virginity to the guy that I did was probably one of the worst. But would I take it back? Probably not coz that experiance taught me some invaluable lessons.

    For a the longest time I held a grudge against him and just couldn’t forgive myself for the choices I made but hey you live and you learn. Guess the important thing is to just take from the experiance whatever lesson you were supposed to learn and let it add value to your life instead of letting it weigh you down dressed in regret.

  • M A R C R OO S E L E R

    Didn’t even bother reading the blog, the question said it all. The answer…hells no. With the exception of STDs I don’t even care how many partners she’s had, I wasn’t a part of her past hence can’t really condemn it. Unless of course she’s still dealing with her demons. I ain’t got time for fixing someone else’s past. But I digress. My first time was with a virgin, we planned it and it worked out fine. Then after getting “experienced”, I’d prefer to not teach, unless circumstances has it otherwise. Again…hells to the no. Oh, also if her “rep” is wide spread and I happen to hear about it or it’s in our circle of friends, not happening.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @ M A R C R OO S E L E R

    I ask why would a person “rep” male or female stop you from dating anybody? Who cares what other people think they know. If that person makes you happy and you can trust them than I dont give a fuck what other people my circle or not have to say. I would marry a porn star if I met one that made me feel loved.

  • paulettebajangal

    @ Marcroseller

    Uhm…Since you’ve travelled all over the world and I assume have fucked a lot of foreign pussy ((excuse my french)) your “rep” would always be sitting on your shoulders.I wouldn’t use it against you. But along those same lines some other chick would not sleep with you because of it.

    AND since our “circle” is rather small…we have all slept with someone or other in the “circle”.It’s a given.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    Here is REALLY my only thing about women and their status…LETS say you’re a virgin or just being celibate. I’m cool wit-it. We’re in that ‘feeling each other out stage, ‘ again, I’m not really concerned about what you do, who you do it with, etc,. you’re not my woman and at this point in time, I’m not sure you EVER will be. So say you’re a virgin. Again, cool. No problem. Why does that mean I have to be celibate–just to talk to you; just to explore whether or not we could establish something serious? That’s my problem with women….Y’all think a man has to be without a booty call hook-up, to be eligible for conversation. that ain’t fair…just bcuz your make-up is such that you can go without better than we typically can, doesn’t mean women should impose their ‘sensibilities/values’ on men. Just bcuz y’all typically SUCK at having a hit-it friend that is truly just that–someone to get you through until your next serious love interest comes along. NOW once we decide we’re moving towards being in a relationship–I’ll abandon that booty call thing, but I just don’t get why y’all think we can’t multi-task sexually….be diggin on you, while bumpin bellies with her on a non-committed, friendship only basis……THIS kinda gives some insight about Men and LIES…but we’re not going there again(Paulette, don’t start!)

  • Lady Love

    @ Da Throne

    What’s wrong with having kids? Does this make the woman less desirable? We are talking about sex, the act that produces children. Why is it that women who make the decision to give birth are put in another class bracket?

    It shouldn’t be whether she has kids or not, but her track record as a whole.

    Sorry, but this always irks me.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    DC man with a plan has a real excellent point. Why is it ok for a female to except for a man to wait ,but its not ok for a female to give the go ahead for a man to get his else wheres until shes ready? If a chick expect a dude to be unselfish and wait she should be unselfish and let him do him.

  • paulettebajangal

    @ DC man and Da Throne….I have the same damn problem.I just fired my lover cause he was expecting boyfriend privileges. Y’all don’t have a monopoly on ish…just that ladies don’t air that ish out in public.

    Do you baby…just don’t get upset and call me a slut when I do me. Cause y’all brothers got double standards.For real.

    At the end of the day y’all don’t wanna share with another dude but have no problem sharing what you got with other ladies.

    All y’all daydreaming bout fucking a virgin.Stop fronting.lmao

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Lady Love

    Hell yeah it makes you less desirable! I been fucking since I was 15 im almost 29 no kids. Is everybody with kids just lazy and/or careless no but the majority are sorry just is. That irks you image how you future husband has to feel knowing that his wife has a connection with another man forever. How many kids you wanna have with me is effected by your inability to be smart while your sexing. So dont tell me being a single parent should just get overlooked.

    Guy- “Hey I love you and I want you to have my babies”
    Girl- “How many babies I have three already”

  • 45016PEACE

    I am a woman so I can not really say if a man really won’t to marry a women who has not given of herself to another man. According to what is written one should not. I have a son through rape something in which I do not tell everyone, however in this case it is needed to make my point. I had my son at age 13 and turned 14 two months later. I choose not to be with anyone so that I might raise my son without any negative vibes. When my son turned 16, I adopted 4 daughters one I brought straight home from the hospital at 2 days old they are all grown now and I fill I have done the best job in which I could raising them alone, this is what I personally choose to do. I have not been with a man now for 39 years so for I wanted all of my children to be grownded and out of the house. I have not had sex in all of this time. My doctor tells me often I am like a virgin for it was only the one time for me. Do I miss it in my younger day I felt so for all of my associates were with mates however I saw them come and go like water. Me I am looking for the real deal My King I fill that even though I have not had sex in all of those years whoever I become sexually active with will enjoy and appreciate it for the best. Just because you do not give of yourself and for a woman once she give that part of herself she has nothing more to give other than the aid to daily living. Me I fill that when and if it happen for me it will be the most beautiful thing ever for I am at the age to where I know how to treat my King in all and every way from head to toe. But I am looking for the same in a man, I am looking for a man who will appreciate all that I have to give him my complete self. Now do not get it twisted I know how to give it all as well as do it all (pickle sucker) lessons learned. I pray that who ever I get with do not feel I am inexperienced just because it has been so long for I have moves I did not even kinow about in my goodie sack. One must also understand that sex is not everything maybe for men but there are many woman like myself just not telling. Could it be that where I am from Jamaica it is completly different than over here and a true King know how to treat a true Empress for some women it is good to be on a status of virgin hood that way they are following Jah’s (God) laws as well as maintaining self respect you see for a women it is so easy to get a man, but me I want and need more than just a man I be needing a true King, someone who knows who they are, where they have been and where it is they are going in this thing we call life. A gentle kind God fearing man I do not believe in divorce nor do I believe in the control of a man, for a man will be a man a just as long as he has my back and respect me he is free to do as he please for he has been raised already and no one would be able to tell me of my King for we will have open communication that is part of the problem in relationships I will not be afraid to tell him anything and he could do the same even if it is sleeping with another woman just wrap it up and bring nothing home. For you women who fill I am wrong go back to the bible men has always had more than one women. Some or most women can not deal with that and once they find out instead of telling their mate they take it to a whole nother level and the man is like what did I do now not even realizing it was about the sex they had with the other woman for they have a women who is afarid that if they let the man know they will loose him. Open communication is the key to it all. Can not wait to find my other half.
    Blessings
    One Love
    Sister Wayhedia
    Jah

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @paulettebanjangal

    Sweetheart I have desert dick Im daydreaming about fucking anything that I can! LOL It been almost a whole year since I last had sex.

    P.S. Where do you get banjangal from?

  • Dc Man with a plan

    @ Da Throne….U have some very kind and mature outlooks. For a dude to say he does not care about a woman’s past….that’s truly commendable. I, for one, may never be that mature or wise cuz I got problems with certain things…Today, we’re hittin on virginity….images and what not. I tihnk it is VERY difficult to deal with a woman who your family and partners have an issue with. I also can honestly say I would NOT date a former hooker, wanna be hooker or someone who wasn’t born a woman. Am I necessarily proud to say these things–no. I know people can change, gain wisdom, get out of bad situations, yada-yada, blah, blah…BUT at least I’m honest. And I tell EVERY woman this from jump street so ain’t no cut card. So yeah, your background DOES matter–to me. What people say–depends on what they’re saying and how true it is. But I also can and am willing to withstand some storms and critcism for Da-One….

  • Elle

    @July

    Sexual compatibility is definitely important. However, I do not think it should be intertwined with virginity.
    Losing one’s virginity is a one time issue – which I believe is overrated. Sexual compatibility on the other hand is an issue for a whole lifetime.

    First time sex is going to be bad no matter how much you love the person you are doing it with. Of course I cannot speak for everyone but objectively speaking a person’s first experience simply cannot be good when compared to the things he/she can expect from future encounters.
    So if we can get away from this lit-candles-rose-petals-soft-music-scenario and be real to ourselves and the virgins, a person’s first time will never be as good as the second, third, fourth. So why attach such pressure to something which will disappoint the person in question anyways?

    If somebody saves her/himself for marriage due to religious beliefs – so be it.
    But to wait for the perfect guy and the perfect timing is – in my humble opinion – about as pointless as always waiting to have kids until the time is right. There is no such thing as the right time. Sometimes we just have to take a plunge.

    @DC Man with a Plan
    Oral sex without swallowing is like driving all the way to the shore but not going for a swim. What’s the point?

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @DC man with a plan

    Hey you still gotta be born a woman I dont get down like that lets make that clear.

    And a person past does raise “red flags” but if after discussing those flags with her and she can convinces me that it wont be a future problem then im not going to continue to hold it against her. Those mistakes or just unconventional decision might be the path that gave her the wisdom that makes her the perfect fit for me. I think its simple just focus on what makes you happy.

  • paulettebajangal

    @ Elle ..I agree.Except for the swallowing part….no problem with the cum being in my mouth but I typically don’t swallow…it’s not a member of the food group last time I recalled.

    @ Da Throne…I’m from Barbados…hence the bajan gal tag.

    @45016PEACE….I am really sorry to hear that.I was married to my child’s father and planned her down to the last second.I cannot begin to imagine having a child via rape.but he’s lucky to have you as his mom cause you were looking out for his best interest.

    As for not having sex for 39 years…uhm…it’s not something I could ever do.i can’t even get past 2 months comfortably.i’m peaking sexually and I love sex.I can’t even apologise for it…my sex drive is ridonkeylous…I need that itch scratched….OFTEN.No other way to put it.

  • http://thoughtsof100k.blogspot.com 100K

    @CC

    I can admit it’s hypocritical. I just had needs she wasnt gonna fulfill…..

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Elle and paulettebajangal

    I just wanna see it on your tongue(and or face) after that you can feed your fish with it for all I care! And please stop talking about cum in your mouth please. I just went from six to midnight!

  • Dc Man with a plan

    DAMN, sista Way….Your situation is totally different. RAPE anda child produced as a result if it, allows you to STILL claim to be a virgin. You were not having sex. You were raped and no reasonable person would conclude otherwise. On the other hand, 39 years of celibacy? Good lawd! Well, the trauma of rape can be something one NEVER gets over…And acceptance by a man can be difficult. you want empathy, not sympathy and that can be difficult to obtain. Most men wouldn’t know how to approach you, what to say and not say. what might make you have a flash back..what might turn you off, but has turned other women on, all because of the RAPE experience. u bring a whole nither issue into the mix. one most of us are uncomfortable with.
    @ Paulette…for real, Since arriving as a grown azz man, I long ago stopped fantasizing about a virgin. Virginity isn’t cute or desirable for ME. And I can have a double standard about SOME things, but as long as you ain’t tellin me about how you goin to get ROCKED by some other dude, I’m happy you gettin yours. That way, there is less pressure and stress on me to hit it before I know you’re worth my time and attention. If we’re just meeting, I would not even want to hear about your love life…I wanna know about you. If we get around to sex talk….You’ll know when to give up that play thing….cuz by that time, you’ll know I’m bringing the HEAT! And I know there are plenty of women out there who have a maintenance man…I’ve been one–so I know how some of y’all do and I ain’t madatcha…….

  • Elle

    lol@ Da Throne being able to function as a sundial

    I’d pay to see that!

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    Oh my goodness!!!

    How can you suck and not swallow?

    And any term that contains the word sex is SEX. So, in my opinion, if you have had anal SEX, oral SEX…IT’S SEX

  • paulettebajangal

    LMAO..my bad..I like 3somes…being called bitch…but I don’t swallow cum. But I did have a mate that knew how to make that ish tasteless…via his diet. Drink lots of water and it’ll remove some of that bitter taste. That’s probably why I don’t swallow…my 1st experience with it was very bitter.yuck.

    @Da Throne… 1 year!!! WOW.I don’t know any man right now that don’t have a booty call hook up on speed dial.Or are you saving yourself for marriage??…Don’t be lying to chick bout your virginity now.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    @ Elle…regarding your comparison of oral sex and driving to the beach….You my online, virtual blog baby-gurl from this day forward! Well, you and Paulette bcuz she’s smooth too! I don’t spit out clit juice, so why should she…what was the topic again?..Elle…..U got stlye..u got that sexy invisible quality I love!

  • July

    Maybe I am a prude but I just can’t swallow…matter fact I don’t want spunk in my mouth…I just can’t. I don’t mind going down on a guy but once he looks like he is peaking I duck! I told my ex beforehand that if he ever tried to be clever and try cum in my mouth he would get one of two reactions.

    a. Reflex of me biting his ish off
    b. If I manage not to do (a) and gag I will keep it in my mouth and give it back to him in a kiss so he can taste that ish himself and see how he like’s it.

    I just can’t…

  • Elle

    LoL@ DC

    sexy invisible quality huh … Lmaooo … well thanks, I guess :P

    @paulette & July

    Gawd, yea taste is important. I agree with you. For some reason I start believing that it is part of the overall chemistry being right. Or who knows, different bodies processing the same food in different ways. But the same diet has had totally different effects on the taste for all I know.

    I couldn’t do it without gagging when I was still with my ex. The taste was just …. eww *shivers*. Interestingly enough though, for some reason, now I actually like the taste. No gagging. Nothing. And my mister has about the same diet as the ex. Which leads me to believe that it’s a chemistry thing.

    Word of wisdom:

    Guys, stay away from beer … yuck.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    That what I like about you, paulette….sista said 39 years? DAMN!!!!!!! lol…Yeah, she gets the longevity award cuz I’m happy to make it 3-6 months going without but I haven’t tried that in recent years, unless thinkin I can do it counts! And I will give you this, Paulette: I have been told by one Boo or another, that depending on what a man’s diet is, sperm can taste a lil salty, tart or whatever, so on that note, I’ll give you props for tryin even if you let it out in a towel or something. the trick is to be smooth with it…runnin to the bathroom like you have a mouth full of bleach isn’t sexy at ALL! But I still say Elle and Shay got the BEST ideas…..

  • Miss G

    I completely agree with the assessment that women of color, particularly black and latin women, are viewed as more sexual, almost like whores. Case in point: imagine Sex in the City with an all brown, black cast. There would have been an uproar and ppl would have been talking about how its perpetuating the stereotype of us women being whores. Not right.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @DC man

    You cant have them both! Selfish ass!

    @paulette

    Why would I lie about that? Thank God for free internet porn! lol

    @July

    Come on ma grow up. That “Oh its in my mouth” shit is a complete buzz kill. Its fluids and its in your mouth while your sucking it sweetheart just not as much.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Miss G

    There was “Girlfriends” And they got busy. Linh was my favorite person on the show. I love freaks “birds of a feather fuck together”

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Elle

    As for the dictionary definition I find it odd that #5 says “a FEMALE animal that has never copulated.”

    Kinda sexist, right, so men can’t be virgins? We’re just born already active? SMH

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    I will at least act like I swallowed and then excuse myself to the restroom. It’s all about perception.

  • paulettebajangal

    I spit it on his stomach.It’s his ain’t it??Just be happy he didn’t cum into cold air.lmao

    Y’all are too funny.lmao

    What about being a virgin at oral sex??I had a friend recently text me for tips. She was like “I had sex with a guy last night and he made me cum like 5 times.How do you suck dick?Cause I want to reward him proper.” I gave her the link to the oral sex blog on here.lmao. She’s 20 and not so experienced in the bedroom.

    I don’t know how some fellows are virgins with oral sex like forever….and some just knows how to touch the right button at the right time…like he was born to do that shit.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @DC Man…

    “Most men would rather see their seed not go to waste like that…”

    Doesn’t go to waste in a condom anyway? I’m with you on the green flag of swallowing (LOL) but I’m just saying… Technically it gets “wasted” unless your raw dogging, which I hope you’re not

  • Elle

    @NWSO

    *shrugs*

    I thought it was weird too. But you’ll have to ask Merriam Webster for the logic behind that.

  • paulettebajangal

    Cum might be a good laxative for a woman that’s constipated.You never know.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    @ July…Talk of biting a man’s joint–that shyt ain’t funny at ALL!! Not even in the anonymity of being on line. I will give you props for working with a fella, though. spray it on your chect, face…U know , that sex video shyt. And Paulette? Did you say U like 3somes, bein called bytch AND oral, though you don’t swallow?? U are one hot, sexy azz on line flirt! U go gurl! Let a virgin top that SHYT!

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    Hahaha…How did we go from being a virgin to swallowing?

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    This might be TMI but based on that logic lately all my seeds have been going to waste!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @45016PEACE

    Damn, thanx for sharing your story, I always appreciate it when people come out and share personal journeys/struggles like that.

    As DC Man (I think) said, your case is a special one. There are way too many women that have been raped or abuse din younger years and it effects their sexuality among other things. And like he said you have my empathy more than my sympathy because I respect your strength of character to raise your child who is innocent in this scenario, but can only imagine that journey.

    39 years is a long time, but you will find that man to share yourself with and understand you, and if not, as enjoyable as sex is, it’s not the determining factor of one’s life, there is so much more you have done that holds more weight—including adopting children that needed a mother.

    Kudos

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ Paulette

    oooohhh, that’s what your screen name means. I always read it as one word pronounced ban-jan-gal. I thought it was some kinda freaky cat species or something. LOL

    Add a space or something for the slow ones like me and daThRONe… LOL

  • paulettebajangal

    @ Shay…somebody had to be the 1st.So we were all oral virgins at one point.

    @ Da Throne…..rotflmbao

    @ DC man with a plan…I agree.No biting of my clitoris either.For real.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    Is that better??…lmao

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    I agree with DC Man, Paulette is my type of chick ;) wink

  • Dc Man with a plan

    @ NWSO…yeah, I wasn’t being techical, but you’re correct, it can be viewed as ‘wasted’ when your up in there with a condom, but that’s acceptable because we got other things on our mind at that point…lol. I’m a condom commercial brotha, so raw dog ain’t happenin. I tell a woman quick: we gonna need to be married and I’ma have to see the doc tie off those tubes before we go raw; I have ALL the kids I’m gonna have. And just as important, I’m not tryin to have any STDs–the life long ones or ones you can eventually get rid of. I have had a woman want to go get several aids test and physical exams over a 6 month period so we could then go raw..(we had been 2gether for about 2 years at that point)..But I don’t trust women in their prime, still droppin eggs being true to that, so she said, Deal or No deal…and I was like: See ya next life time, cuz it ain’t happenin……

  • Mimi in the OC

    Wow need to catch up.

    I am one of those people who would prefer not to deal with a virgin, I have low tolerance for non experienced and/or selfish partners. The only reason I would pursue something with a virgin is if I saw potential for a real connection.

    Now when it comes to the virgin definition, I agree with was said. Big NO NO to anal or oral sex, fingers I think you are starting to cross the line (I believe it’s called finger fucking, right?).
    I am even going to go further on this topic. To the young “Christian” couple masturbating in front of each other, masturbation isn’t pure and therefore not virgin-like in my book. I have to say it, that is some real BS IMO. When I was younger, I did a lot of catechism and was very “christian” myself: masturbation is technically “not right” in the eyes of God, so I am not sure what book you’ve been reading…I know that’s another topic, but it drives me crazy when people claim to be religious and CHERRY PICK ON GOD’S WRITINGS OR SAYINGS and that’s something I’ve noticed across all religions:
    – Muslims who don’t eat pork but drink alcohol;
    – Christians who remain virgins but masturbate; (I know it’s a tough one, but it’s not any better “technically”)
    – Catholics who have sex before marriage but condemn abortion…
    PS STOP MAKING NONSENSE. What makes you think one topic is more important than the other, or is it because you’re failing on one recommendation/requirement that you feel the need to be extreme about another one?

    This is why in the end, it all depends on your own perception and judgement, BUT PS DON’T INVOLVE GOD in it if you’re not being 100%, otherwise you’re just being inconsistent in your reasoning.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Shay and paulette

    Ya’ll gone stop that shit! Im trying to kick my porn addiction and ya’ll aint helping. Elle you too! No more girl on girl flirting and no more semen in mouths. da ThRONe has spoken!

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    Just be glad y’all can’t see my pic ;-) …I’m a true Leo Lioness….lmao…with a mohawk.I make even white women do double takes.But I’m really really nice.lol

    I can’t even front…unprotected sex with my ex-husband was the shit.Obviously we had to..we had a kid.lmao. But I don’t play that type of game with dudes….don’t really care how many tests you get…it’s not happening.Plus like DC…I’m content with the one kid I have.And last time I checked…my vaginal canal is pretty happy with my natural fluids…don’t need no company.

    But that does bring up the issue of being unfortunate to get pregnant or acquire an STD on your 1st try at sex.Would really set off an unusual chain of events right off the back.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ MIMI in the OC…if God created everything…he created EVERYTHING. Why y’all always picking and choosing?? If he created sex after marriage…he created it before marriage.AND masturbation.AND anal sex.AND finger fucking.ALL of it!!!!!

    I am not religious by any means…at all.I have a hard time believing God would get mad at me for enjoying the sexual riches he bestowed on me.After all….he wants me to be happy ;-)

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    @ Paulette

    No wonder I like you, I’m a Leo too!

    @ da ThRONe

    Why are you kicking porn? porn is GREAT!

    @ Dc Man
    I couldn’t agree with you more. Some people think just because you are in a relationship that the condom is no longer needed…hahaha, they have life and bullshit mixed up!

  • litrisha

    First off I wouldn’t date a virgin because I don’t have time to be showing someone how “it” should be done. They should get it right the first time, and have the right tool to go with it……LOL I don’t know how the subject of swallowing came into part, but honestly I’ve swallowed, and can suck a mean one. I just like to satisfy the man that I’m with, but I don’t pass myself around if you will……I don’t find anything wrong with swallowing or oral sex as long as your partner is willing to do the same, but if it’s a ONE WAY THING, then I’m sorry but it’s a NO!

  • Elle

    What, I’m innocent. *points at paulette and shay* They are the freaky ones.

    OoOoh trying to kick your porn habit? That’s a whole different blog.

    But I agree with Mimi though … if you’re claiming to be holier than holy, you should stick to every single word of the Bible, not just the ones that are comfortable.

  • Elle

    @Shay

    Everything in moderation is great. So is porn.

    But porn addiction is nothing to toy with or to write off as “normal” and “healthy”. It is as real and as damaging as all the other addictions.

    Sorry for the OT.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    Sticking to every word in the bible is impossible because it says conflicting things.(and is one of the reason I do not believe in it)

    @Shay

    Im not quiting porn. Porn IS my sex life. I wouldnt be a very nice person if I didnt get off some kinda way. If I go to long I just start shaking like a crackhead when I get horny!

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Elle

    I dont think my borderline addiction too porn is that bad. 1st Im not sleeping with anybody and (virgins cover your eyes lol) I cant masturbate without porn I cant do it. I need my session with Roxy Reynolds and Jazmine Cashmere im sorry!

  • Mimi in the OC

    @ PAULETTE-bajan-GAL:
    I hope you’re not misunderstanding my position on the subject, I fully agree with you and have no guilt what so ever as long as I FEEL IT’S RIGHT FOR ME based on my judgment and perception.

    I actually wanna share my mom’s story just so you can see where I’m coming from. My mom is not the most religious person, but she’s the greatest, most generous human being I have ever met. She married virgin, not so much because of God, but because she believed in the sacredness of marriage. Building a good family was her biggest dream since she didn’t get to have a real one growing up. In the course of her current difficult marriage, tarnished by my dad’s new baby Mommas/relationships, when I talk sex with my mom, she tells me:
    Baby do what you feel is right for you. I went in my marriage without sexual experience, you need to get to know your body don’t be afraid to masturbate. You go out there and date, every relationship you will have until you settle is a learning experience, sexually, emotionally, intellectually.
    And I believe all of the above, and not just because my mom told me, it feels right and I am glad she feels the same way.

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com -h*

    I think the weight that society puts on being a virgin reinforces the “pussy as currency” idea. It implies that a woman’s worth/power rests between her legs. She is only valuable/desirable as long as she’s pristine.

    I’ve skimmed the Purity Myth book (adding it to my summer reading list) and it’s fascinating how racism plays into this. If a woman’s worth is tied up in whether or not she’s seen as worthy or pure and Black/Latina women are rarely considered such, what does that say about how we are valued by society or how we value ourselves?

    I think the sexual standard isn’t just a double one, it’s patentedly wrong.

    The introduction to the book can be found here:

    http://www.feministing.com/archives/014178.html

    Online book club, anyone?

    @Da Throne
    You’re in my prayers. And that says alot, cause I’m a certified heathen. You need Jesus. LOL.

    @NWSO
    You know I gotta call you out like the last lady for being all contradictory. You may not want a virgin, but you contribute to the perpetuation of the purity myth by advising your sister to keep herself pure.

    Also, the reason the dictionary doesn’t include men in the definition is because male purity isn’t considered valuable. Ya’ll get invited to the “tag as much ass as you can and get a high five” parade from the jump. Sexism is real. I know you prolly hate hearing me say that, but it’s true.

    @everyone

    I love how the comments thread de-evolved from a dialogue about virginity to swallowing. Hilarious.

    FTR: Oral sex and handplay are sex. If you can catch an STI from it, it’s sexual contact. Don’t kid yourselves.

  • Pamala Palmer

    A lot of people read my comment and assumed because I said I suck pickles that I meant I suck D____ No I do not but I am not saying I would not and if I did I would sollow it. If you look up sperm on the internet it is simple what a person eats and I would make sure my King ate all of the right things for I fill what good would it do to suck and not sollow it is all about the diet ladys and gentlemen what you put in your body. Any way why go through the trouble of sucking without sollowing you just need to know who it is you are sucking. I said also I would be damn good for I am that at all I do so this would be easy for me as I often say to myself how hard could it be to take pain and gain pleasure, probably would be a pro. bottom line whom ever it be they will be pleased so before one assume they should read and not add to the reading of that which is stated by another. Also on another note I would want to please my King all the way and that does not include spitting it be a real women if you are gonna do real women things.
    Blessings
    One Love
    Sister Wayhedia
    Jah (God)

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    I do not believe in the bible either.A bunch of celibate old fuddy duddies penning nonsense.If they were getting some good pussy that book would be so much more relevant to the real world.

    This blog is yo-yo-ing all over the place.lmao. But since someone accused me of “going out of my way to talk about what a freak I am”…I masturbate daily and I don’t watch porn to do it.

    Women are just as horny as men….well some of us anyway.Others need a good solid fuck session to loosen up them tight buns.lmao

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    Peace y’all…my 3 o’clock session with “paulettebajangal” is about to “pop”. There I go again being all sexually liberal :-)

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    LMAO @ da ThRONe

    I am the same way… umm about shaking like a crackhead when I need it.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Sister Wayhedia…for someone who hasn’t had sex in 39 years…you are sure writing like someone who has.What do you know about oral sex when you’ve never given it??

    And I’m a little confused by the change in screen names.

  • all eyez

    @abeni
    I just “got it over with” @ 21 because I felt like I was behind (heard it didn’t really get good until your 3rd partner), while I don’t regret it, I got to 3 and realized what I heard wasn’t true…now I’ve been celibate for over a year, not waiting for marriage …but more so someone who cares enough to make it good because there are def people out there having great sex and getting it over with is more than likely not going to fall into that category….furthermore if you think sex is going to open the door of having more serious relationships that is a JOKE, it will absolutely not, most dudes in our age range aren’t looking for serious. We need to date for fun and if serious comes along be ready for it. I agree with DC, you shouldn’t be having convo about sex to early on, that’s a key indication that that’s all he wants from you….not serious at all

  • http://www.blackplanet.com Pamala Palmer (Sister Wayhedia)

    Most men and women read my comment and assumed that since I stated I suck pickles that I suck D____that is not what I said I simply stated facts Most men and women do not know that if you look up sperm on line it will tell you what it consist of and it is not a bad thing what makes it bad is what a person put into there body this is where the taste comes from what one eat and drink. When God bless me with my King I shall suck and yes I will be one of those who sollow for I will make sure my King is eating proper and that his sperm will be tasty why suck not to sollow are you a child spiting out a bottle I should think not plus a man want the full filling of it all that is the reason you do it to please your man and he is not so pleased if you stop or take it in to spit it out at lease I would not be. so for all of you who assumed reading is fundmental and you must read the facts and not add or take away from what is written.
    Blessings
    One Love
    Sister Wayhedia
    Jah

  • Righteous Mama

    Very interesting convo here. At first I was thinking there is NO way a virgin can claim to be the shit in bed without experience. If you’ve never done it, how can you know what you like? That takes practice which a virigin doesn’t have. (That’s also why older women are better in bed and a woman’s prime is NOT 21) But I also agree that sexual compatibility is what’s important in a relationship. Now would I marry or even date a man that is a virgin, sorry but HELL no. lol. Being with an inexperienced dude is just THE WORST.

    Speaking though on the points NWSO raised about Black women being viewed as hypersexual, I completely agree there is a double standard in how Black women are treated and viewed.

    I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars but my sister told me that when Lil’ Kim was booted of the show the judges made some very off color comments to her about her sexuality. I wish I could recall exactly what was said but it was something to the affect of her being a slut. What did that have to do with her skills on the show? From what I heard she did a good job, but when it comes to Black women, sexuality is the first thing people see. The history in the US of white women being viewed as pure and Black women as hypersexual and dirty is deep.

    These days though it seems a whore is whore no matter what color she is. Still, though Black women try very hard to protect their image because even today, most often WE are the ones who are sterotyped as the whore of all whores and the bitch of all bitches. It seems some Black women do everything they can to deny, protect or hide their sexuality.

    Some are self-conscious about the clothes they wear. Some monitor how they speak when on dates. Knowing damn well we are ALL sexual and horny little freaks at the end of the day but various issues keep us from expressing our natural desires. I think some women think the ‘purer” you appear the better a man will treat you, because he’ll respect you more. Men and women need to get over those things. For someone who has been raped or abuse I am certain the challenges there are so much tougher. (Love and Light to all of you)

    When you find someone you love and loves you, their gaze goes deeper than all of this. We should focus on these deeper levels when choosing our partners. Then we can avoid all this judgment, guilt and confusion.

  • Dc Man with a plan

    point of clairification @ Shay…I thought you were a woman but now am uncertain becuz I’m slow, or mis-read something someone else wrote…whateva. Clue me in so I know how to read your comments and more importantly, so I don’t say something intended for a woman–to you if you’re a man. Blame it on me for not keeping track. I visited Jamaica this year, Paulette, but you’re starting to make me think I need to go to Barbados! Let me find out you ain’t the only one from there all liberated and what not…..wink-wink..
    And Righteous mama…you’re correct, sista ALWAYS got a tougher ride than everyone else–even us black men, but y’all persevere and make it work time and time again. And while that may get old (sometimes you just wanna BE accepted and treated as a queen, no drama necessary) that’s why my woman gotta be a brown skinned beauty. No offense to ‘others’ but ain’t nuttin like a sista (could also work with a latina sista)……do that shyt, my queen!

  • MorehouseMan

    I’m just curious NWSO,

    Since you asked the question about whether people would want to date/have sex with a virgin, it led me to something of a follow up question. How would that virgin feel when he/she finds out you’re not? How would you react if a girl said that she wouldn’t sleep with you/ date you b/c she is waiting and she expects her partner to do the same?

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @h*

    Regarding my own sister and my views on virginity. If you clicked the link or read that post on Monday, my message was pretty much the same here, as much as I’d want my sister to wait—just because I’m a brother and don’t want to think of my sis having sex, ILL!—I’m a realist. My advice for her (two years ago when that letter was written) was to just make a wise decision (her own decision) and feel that the person is right and they are in what they feel is love. I can want for her to be a virgin all she wants, but if she isn’t/wasn’t it’s no big deal as long as she’s safe, protected and he treats her with respect. Because I’d be a hypocrite to my sister or my future kids to be like don’t do this when I was doing the exact same thing at their age. It’s just a matter of giving them/her the facts and hope she/they make wise decisions with that information.

    And like I wrote in this piece, if men are supposed to be sowing their oats etc (by society’s standard) who are they sowing them with if all the girls/women are virgins? Doesn’t even make sense

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    @ DC Man

    I am a woman, lol. You can click on my name and it will take you to my page.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com Pamala Palmer (Sister Wayhedia)

    It does not take a expert to have enough sense to know how to suck anything long and strong. just because a person does not practice sex there are many way in which to find out about it. It does not take experience to know about sex if you are in tune with your mine, body, and soul sky is the limit sex is like exercise it is all in the movement and I fill I have been around long enough to know what is and what is not to be done. exercise, meditation, bump and grind Jamacian dancing, along with Tv show you all you need to know you just have to do it and I will at some point in my life there is no change in screen names Pamala is my true name Wayhedia is my spiritual name. But those who do not believe would not know anything about that there and those who are active and got to have it would want to know all there is to know about whatever is being said about sex hey! Educating your mind in class or out of class tell you and teach you most of what is needed to know about sex.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @ MoreHouse Man

    Do you mean that this woman wants me to abstain with her or you mean that she wants a virgin man?

    If A) Depends on where I am at the time and feel about her. I’ve dated females that were abstinent or celibate and if it were a case that I really liked them I was fully prepared to abstain with them if we became serious. The time frame may not compare, but I abstained from sex, self-pleasure, alcohol, impure thoughts and food/drink during day light hours when i did Ramadan last year. It was a great experience and I’ll be doing it again this year.

    If B) I really wouldn’t have a say if that’s the individual’s preference. It’d be the same of a woman saying I don’t day guys without a car, or guys with dreads, etc. If she’s a virgin and only wants to date virgins then I’m not her type and she doesn’t what me, what can I do about that? I can’t revirginize myself. LOL

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Pamala Palmer (Sister Wayhedia)

    Actually when you first commented, your screen name was “45016PEACE” then it switched to your current name in your following comments.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com Pamala Palmer (Sister Wayhedia)

    yes I use the screen name 45016peace however I though I just might as well use my real name so that if questions such as your’s accured I would be able to answer as myself and not just a screen name
    Blessings
    One Love
    Sister Wayhedia
    Jah

  • Dc Man with a plan

    To address another element of your multiple questions (evidently, we all like pretty much chose the same ones to respond to) I’d like to think WE as men in particular, have journeyed to a place where we no longer find it acceptable to tell our son’s one thing while holding our daughters to another standard. I want my son’s to be virgins just as I want my daughter to be a virgin–until such point in time as they find love, or at least THINK they’ve found love. It is no longer acceptable (in MY eyes) for it to be okay for a male teen to be out until 1 am, but girls gotta be doin something slutty if they’re out until 1 am. I know MY parents bought into a double standard between me and my sisters…….I’ve ditched that whack as logic…and not just becuz it no longer applies to me…lol………but becuz it does a dis-service to young men. If Nicole gets pregnant by my son–I’m still a grand father and HE still has responsibilities that I will have to help him shoulder. That ain’t cute. It’s not acceptable for lil boys to go out having sex, getting girls pregnant–and then walkin away like they weren’t involved. WTF? Naw, partner, U gottta handle your responsibilities…shoulda wrapped it up, but better yet: shoulda stayed a virgin until you at least get thru high school (really at least 2 years of college). I don’t support, encourage or condone BLACK young men making babies but not beings fathers……..We’ve had wayyy to much of that over the past few decades…Time for a new day and that new day means NOT being proud your some is poppin cherries if you know he’s not ready for the potential responsibilities if something goes wrong..like rubber broke…or tried to get a second nut in that same condom and it slipped off….dumb things the unknowing do……

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Sister W…the DMV will not grant you a driver’s license if you have not physically sat in a car and driven one.Doesn’t matter how many driving shows you’ve watched and how many manuals you have read.If you’ve never given oral…you are not an expert on giving oral.And don’t expect to be an expert the 1st time you do either.

    That’s like me being an authority on anal sex…it’s not something I’ve done before.No matter how many videos I watch…it still won’t be the same as actually doing it for real.

    @DC man….Caribbean born women are not sexually liberated.I am only in touch with my sexuality because I moved to America.They still have issues with my wearing my hair natural…so talking about sex openly is a no-no in Barbados.They act like nuns in conversation but they get down and dirty in the bedroom.Very conservative religious contradictions.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    *me saluting DC Man*

    Thats so on point everybody crying about double standards but do nothing to correct it.

  • http://www.superlovelyful.com -h*

    @NWSO

    You always assume I didn’t read when I disagree with you. Just because I haven’t commented doesn’t mean I haven’t read it.

  • Righteous Mama

    WORD @ DC Man

    THAT WAS THE BEST COMMENT!!

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    Pratice makes perfect! Without a doubt there are some fundmental things you just have to experience first hand and it cant be simulated. But I do believe the biggest componet of being great is the want. Im sure Kee Kee will turn out to be a great lover cause she has the mindset of one even though she says she is a virgin even by our standards.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com Pamala Palmer (Sister Wayhedia)

    To me that is a matter of opinion, driving and having sex are two different stories, and to be honest I recieved my first drivers licence without taking the test or driving on my own it was done for me back in the day. I then became a self taught driver. So I did not profest to be a expert once I do give oral sex I am just saying I will give it all I have to give and yes I shall sollow, personally I do not fill as though I will have a problem pleasing the King in which I become involved with you would have to have a penis to know what he would be thinking or filling so with that said I will take you opinion into consideration and also keep the faith in what I say and do.
    Blessings
    One Love
    Sister Wayhedia
    Jah

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @h*

    I just “assumed” you didn’t based off your comment above about advising my sister to be “pure” when my message IMO in Monday’s post was about making wise choices sexually. Maybe that wasn’t clear, but i feel that was more of my message than maintaining purity

  • TaiTai

    Well,
    I think “purity” that equated with virginity is wack. Just ’cause I’ve been around the block (not doen e’rybody on the block, just been around it!) I’m a dirty whore with a scarlett letter?! WOMP WOMP!
    I find its a veery small area women are allowed to occupy…men that don’t want “virgins” don’t want a woman with a sexual past that rivals or exceeds his own…but they want a women that “knows what she’s doing”…WTF?? How you ‘posed to get good if you don’t practice!?! And why is it okay for a dude to sleep with the WHOLE cheerleading squad, but verboeten if a chick sleeps with the starting 5 from the basketball team? (Not speaking from personal expereience!! LOL)
    My philosophy: No, I’m not a virgin. But when it comes to my sexual past, ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies. Don’t ask me anything you wouldn’t want to/couldn’t bring yourself to answer truthfully, and I’ll do the same!

    P.S. @ da ThRONe: 26, no kids, own car and live alone=”why aren’t you married?” or “what’s wrong with you?” And no, not ugly. http://www.myspace.com/devyneone

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Sister W…How old are you?Based on your story line…you are at least 54. Your King is not gonna be a 19 year old virgin. Which means he’s gonna already have experienced oral sex.I guess it’ll be up to him to rate your skills based on just book/video knowlege.

  • http://www.blackplanet.com Pamala Palmer (Sister Wayhedia)

    I am 53 and yes it will be up to him based on my experience you are right…me I am not dewelling on it and really not as worry as you seem to be it is as if you are taking what I say personal let go already….You seem to be foced on me giving me much of you day in which I am sure you have better things to do.
    Blessings
    One Love
    Sister Wayhedia
    Jah

  • older & wiser

    Every time with a new person is like the first time! We all get to be virgins again b/c it is the first time with that new partner, OK?!

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @older & wiser

    Thats true to a certain point! Some love making things are fundmental. Like the fact that it doesnt hurt you anymore.

  • Lil E 28

    Question: “What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?”

    Answer: There is no Hebrew or Greek word used in the Bible that precisely refers to sex before marriage. The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, but is sex before marriage considered sexually immoral? According to 1 Corinthians 7:2, “yes” is the clear answer: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way.

    Since 1 Corinthians 7:2 clearly includes sex before marriage in the definition of sexual immorality, all of the Bible verses that condemn sexual immorality as being sinful also condemn sex before marriage as sinful. Sex before marriage is included in the biblical definition of sexual immorality. There are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4).

    Far too often we focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognizing that there is another aspect—procreation. Sex within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage. Song of Solomon and several other Bible passages (such as Proverbs 5:19) clearly describe the pleasure of sex. However, the couple must understand that God’s intent for sex includes producing children. Thus, for a couple to engage in sex before marriage is doubly wrong—they are enjoying pleasures not intended for them, and they are taking a chance of creating a human life outside of the family structure God intended for every child.

    While practicality does not determine right from wrong, if the Bible’s message on sex before marriage were obeyed, there would be far fewer sexually transmitted diseases, far fewer abortions, far fewer unwed mothers and unwanted pregnancies, and far fewer children growing up without both parents in their lives. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and, most importantly, honors God.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Lil e 28…So can ya explain to us how virgin Mary got pregnant if she didn’t have intercourse or any kind of sexual relation with her husband whatsoever??

    Cause God is apparently not even human and last time I checked its scientifically impossible to make a baby without sperm and egg.

    Sitting on the edge of my seat for this answer.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    The idea that anyone person knows what God really want or expect out of people is funny to me. If God wanted me to follow a certain set of rules he gotta tell me personally. The day I follow rules just randomly made up by people 3000 years ago when there answer for everything was “God did it” is the day I hop of the Mississippi River bridge.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @ paulette

    God bust a nut gave it to an angel who stick it in Mary with a pre-histrioc turkey baster! Yeah right!

  • AGK

    “If women are supposed to be “untouched” and “pure,” who the hell are the promiscuous men sleeping with when they’re sowing their wild oats? It’s a foolish double standard that doesn’t even make sense when you really think about it”

    This is officially my new fav quote! I couldnt have said it best! It’s been in my mind 4ever!

    Great blog, i deeply agree.

  • Lil E 28

    ya’ll men ,woman on here is SAD i’m a 28 year old virgin and plan on staying that way till i’m married and if any man tell me he’s not gonna wait for me then he’s not the one God has for me + if he tells me he can’t be with no virgin HE CAN HIT THE DAMN BRICKS straight up because i’m worth waiting for and God is going to bless me for waiting for him for waiting on my soulmate that’s going to respect my choice and my decision that’s going to be the man i’m going to give my virginity to when i get married 1 more thing for the people ya’ll taking about that is a virgin and giving men head and all that i never in my life gave head to no F***** man and never will point blank period HELL TO DA NO!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    ROTFLMAO @ da ThRONe’s answer to Paulette

    @ the Jesus Freak above – It’s not OK to have sex before marriage, but it is OK to use profanity?? Some people are so contradictory.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Lil e 28…that doesn’t answer the question.You cannot give birth to a child without having sperm inserted in your ovaries.How the heck did Mary do it?

    Your wanting to be a virgin til you meet your soulmate is your perogative.But educate yourself about that bible you’re quoting.Immaculate conception is IMPOSSIBLE.You are basing your beliefs on a myth.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    The problem with things like “witch hunts” and double standards are people dont think for themselves. They allow other people to do the thinking for them. History love to capture the accomplishment of men ,but neglect some of the powerful women how were behind some of those same huge things.

    *Little know fact* The Egyptians were so confrontable with sex there wasnt a word for Virgin in there language.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Lil E 28

    There is nothing wrong with waiting ma I wouldnt care if I met a girl who makes me wait. I barely have sex and Im not holding out. And I dont think anybody here has a problem with virgins I respect your ability to wait. But your idea that we only sex to procreate is foolish.

  • Lil E 28

    to paulette-BAJAN-gal so you saying the bible is lying Baby Girl God does not lie his word is the TRUTH END OF THE DAMN STORY !!!!!!!!!

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Lil E 28

    So what if I told you God told me to tell you to give head to the first man you see will you do it? Probably not because you dont know who the hell I am. So why follow rules from people you dont even know about? That shit kills me. If your preacher has a vision and says God told him that he change his mind sex is ok whenever will you give it up then? Think for yourself dont let a book tell you how to live your life I dont care what name is on that book or how old it is.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Lil E 28

    Who said that the bible is God’s will? Every religion think they know what God want. And you think you won the lotto and you just happen to believe the one out of thousands of religion that yours is correct and the other 999 are dead wrong right? Be a virgin for your own reason.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    A myth cannot tell a lie.No human being even lives beyond 110 years old today.A book written 3000 years ago is a load of BS. The virgin Mary told a big fat lie…if there was a DnA test available back in that time…she would’ve been burned at the stake for lying.

    You are a virgin.What baby are you giving birth to at this stage in your life?Makes no sense whatsoever.

    Study history.Men wrote that book to stroke their own egos.And then translated it and omitted books.

  • Mimi in the OC

    @LIL E 28: You want to lose your virginity when you get married. I am just curious, do you require your partner to be a virgin? Or is that OK if he’s not?
    Just wondering.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Paulette

    Delving into discussions about religion never really get anyway productive because by definition religion is based on pure faith. In fact most wars (or a good chunk) are holy wars that go on for generations (i.e. the Middle East). The “problem” with faith is that typically there isn’t any solid proof, well, not any that scientific minds will agree with. But everyone has their own religion and belief system and I let them rock with what they want too.

    But that wasn’t my point. Basically, people today have way less faith and even if Jesus (or whoever) came back today to preach the Gospel, no one would listen and cross him/her off as “crazy.” I was just telling someone the other day if Jesus was born in the century he would have no followers and we’d all be judged as sinners. SMH

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    Can we go back to chatting about da ThRONe’s porn addiction, lol?

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Shay

    I have a Shay and Paulette addiction!

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    @ da ThRONe

    If that’s the case, I’ll have to make a flick and send it to you ;)

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Shay

    Please dont I might O.D.!

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    @ da ThRONe – I guess I shouldn’t be your enabler. :(

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Da Throne and Shay ….when y’all get married invite me to the wedding.Please.lmao

    @NWSO….They didn’t believe him back in the day either.That’s why he was crucified. I personally don’t believe a parent would sacrifice their child to save the world…that wasn’t even saved after all that drama. And if people believed so strongly….why didn’t they fight to get him off that cross?? wasn’t no guns back in those days for noone to shoot a mass of Christians saving their leader.

    Sex is such a natural thing…i can’t believe it’s a sin to have it with 2 consenting adults.And frankly how many people do we know met their soulmate at a young age and waited for marriage and stayed with them forever???

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Shay

    Nope you sure dont. Imma have to make you my myspace friend :)!

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Paulette

    You are going be there at the honeymoon if you get what im saying! ;)

    and Kee Kee ofcourse!I have enough sperm saved up! LMAO

  • Ms P

    Personally I don’t want a virgin. I am over 40, & at my sexual peak, so amateurs are not wanted. That being said there are men out here who have no clue what they are doing & they are not virgins! No thank you to them too. My time is valuable so I don’t have time to waste!!!

    @ abeni, wait until you are ready. It is always so much better, even when you are experienced, when it is with 2 people who truly care for each other.

    @DC Man, Amen to the double standards. We definitely need to raise our sons and daughters with the same standards. Unfortunately, we also have to tell our daughters that there are double standards against them. It may not be right but it is there all the same.

    To all, I enjoy all the comments whether I agree or not. As usual, it is always interesting “grown folks” conversation.

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    @ da ThRONe & Ms. P
    I’m down for the honeymoon, but can I get a pre-nup first? LMAO

  • Mimi in the OC

    NWSO: I belive you enabled a virtual 4-some between Da Throne, Kee Kee, Paulette & Shay…LMAO

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    OMG…I am not getting involved in no 4somes.ROTFL.Even though I have to experience an orgy before I die…it will not be via NWSO’s blog…well….only if he’s in it.LMAO

    Naw….NWSO is in my “friend zone” cause we actually know each other in the real world.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    This blog went from virgins to orgies with virgins lol. Thats Ans with all that freaky poety! Im closer to being a virgin again then I am a porn star.

  • http://www.myspace.com/kobe81fan Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    4somes are the BIZZZNESS. I had one before with three other females *devilish grin*

  • Ms P

    Ok I leave a few minutes & now we are at the 4-somes!! LMAO!!

    And to Shay,noooooooo don’t start back with the pre-nups, or take da thRONe back to The One or any other thing that might set him off!! ROTFL!!!

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    WOW @ Shay…never done a 4some..with or without virgins.lmao

    But one particular 3some was RIDICULOUSLY GREAT…and I was the only one in the room without a p*nis…:-) The other 4 was kinda wack.3somes are somewhat as over-rated as virgins.lol

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    I would love to check a threesome of my list overrated or not. And I wanna be the only one with the penis.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    most men are so homophobic they always want to be the only penis in the room.Another double standard.Yet they want to have 2 vaginas for a 3some.It was by pure luck that I even got that 3some. For the most part men rarely accommodate a woman’s fantasies to experience 2 men.Actually….most women don’t even think to consider it but she’d be more than willing to entertain her man’s.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    Im not being homophobic just selfish lol! Another dude in the room does me no good! But if its something my sex goddess wanna do im down. Your only gay if you a) Are attracted to dudes or b) have sexually relations with a dude. Im comfrontable with my sexuality.

    In You face Paulette! (in more ways than one lmao)

  • Sb

    sidenote: damn ur blog blew up haha as an OG reader i’d like to say congrats my dude

  • Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    @Paulette
    I have had a threesome with two guys as well. There is nothing like getting ravished while giving head!

    Most of my girls are bisexual , so we have performed for and with our men. I guess we should be considered swingers, lol.

    I would say that I wouldn’t want to be a with a virgin (man or woman) becuase it kills the moment if he/she doesn’t know how to get it crackin’.

  • DC Man with a plan

    Back to the original focus for a hot minute…..a few months back there was this woman (I think her people are from India) who was auctioning her virginity off to the highest bidder. She was on the Monique radio show back in Mar, before they gave my girl the boot. Moniques attitude was if she considered it in a rational way and thought this was going to be a winning situation for her–go for it. The dude on Moniques show was like: What if it ws only for 100K, would it still be cool? At the time, the woman had received several bids and they were in the 2 million dollars range. The womans attitide was it was only for a night and she had final say when it comes to what she would and would not do. And for that amount of money, she could pay for her college education, buy a home and be able to work, not work, basically do WTF she wanted to do…and with money in pocket–love can be easier to find. Me and the dude on Moniques show think it was a str8 up hooker move–end of story. When you exchange money for sex, whether it’s a one time thing like your virginity, or just your regular azz (lol) it’s prostitution-period! I know the drill…some will say, Men always pay to play one way or another…That to me is str8 hooker logic used to pathietically try to make it appear that you end up paying for sex and love one way or another. B/S. When I take a woman to dinner–I eat too. And personally, I have a habit of eating EVERY day, so that ain’t nothin new. Buying an extra plate is just part of what you do for companionship, friendship and love. Anyone hear this story? I don’t know what the final outcome was…but that’s a new twist on giving up your virginity.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @DC

    How they know shes a virgin? Any chick can say that there a virgin!

    P.S. ofcourse putting a price tag on your ass makes you a hooker who can debate that?

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ DC man….the only difference is that she’s getting the money and not her father.So its not prostitution with an arranged marriage?? Virgins in India are literally paired up with an older man for him to do whatever he wants with her.She doesn’t even get a say in if the dude is cute or if he takes a daily bath or nothing.

    If men value virginity so much…then he should have no problem paying for it.Like you said…he pays for evrything else.

    But for real…if I’m paying $2 Million for some dick dude better be planning on fucking me daily for the rest of my life.lmao.One time is highway robbery.

  • Shulkie

    I decided to wait to have sex until I was ready. That lasted up until I was 19, when I picked a guy that I knew was experienced. (Don’t worry, I made sure he was up to date on the checkups and what not). To me, sex is sex. You do what you need to for you, not anybody else. If I wanna feel good I’m gonna feel good and if dude isn’t doing it for me I’ma find one that will! Don’t get me wrong though, ultimately I won’t be choosing a husband because of how well he can throw it down, smack it up and flip it. It’s definitely more to it than that. Just…not right now, lol.

    @Paulette….How the hell did you manage the 3some with two guys? Hello fantasy! I been working on that one for awhile! And it’s just not happening! WTF I thought dudes might jump at the chance! Give me some of your luck!

    I’m so envious.

  • DC Man with a plan

    Dang….there is a lot of attack mode B/S goin on in here. NWSO set the correct tone and has interjected that religious discussions tend to go around in circles becuz everyone has ALREADY staked out a position and no one is really trying to be open to changing their mind after hearing someone passionate or non-passionate argument/ facts etc,. AND for a blog that shows naked people on the home page and is titled: Naked with socks on…I’m not sure the religiously pure would feel comfortable wondering into THIS room with any worthwhile intentions…..Bottom line, stick with the script…..or start your own damn blog! NWSO is doing courageous work…AND he shows great restraint…I have read many words from ladies up in here–ready to give that brotha their ALL cuz he’s had them drooling with his PEN……and he also stated how he was without sex and food each day that he celebrated Ramadan last year–but he didn’t try to proselytize to anyone…THAT’s what I’m talkin about…..He’s a BADDD Mo-fo……So cut the shyt about religion and get back to virgins, 3 & 4 somes….and all that good ish!

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @paulette

    just because families auction off there daughters dont make it right.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @shulkie

    How hard can it be to find two dudes to tap that? Females have it so easy in that department you have no excuse. I want you and two other dudes in the bed before the weeks up young lady! LOL

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Shulkie…it just fell in my lap.lmao.Dude i was messing with at the time was just a very experimental person and his friend was down…so it happened.They were both SUPER skilled too….and it was all about me.

    Nothing like having a “back up” plan…lmao…when one dude got tired…other dude picked up where he left off.Only happened once…but it is better than watchiing porn when I masturbate.Oh….the memories.And I was so turned on just being in that situation that they were tired and I was like …”another round?somebody?”…lmao.I don’t necessarily have to do it again.At least I can say…been there…done that.

  • DC Man with a plan

    As mentioned b4, MOST dudes, especially Black men are homophobic and we do want to be the only swingin dyck in a room and yeah, it’s a double standard cuz we’ll sho-nuff jump at the chance to get two women to fulfill our fantasy….Good luck Shulkie, cuz that’s a hard one to pull off….Paulette and Shay must be working with some seriouly bangin body and face…But Shulkie looks like she should be able to have her way most days too……lol….I had a shot at the 3 some male fantasy with two women…but that’s what she was talkin about…she and her gurl would do my fantasy…but then I had to come thru with one of my partners to do her fantasy of having two men. 2 Hell with that noise! Homie don’t play that…….

  • Shulkie

    LOL @Da Throne!!!

    That’s really funny.

    Ok, so maybe you’re not homophobic…but damn near every dude I know would probably fuck a duck before their penis accidentally touched another dudes…not that they’d be anywhere near each other, according to my fantasy…

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    I dont understand dudes sometimes. If you know your not gay then whats the big deal. If im not touching the nigga then im cool. Dudes will take public showers (which I never do and I played high school football for a whille) but cant be nude in the room with another dude knocking off the same chick. I’ll admit its kinky but not even close to gay. I guess I have had a “fuck with other people think” mindset so long I dont buy into lil petty shit. I’d do it if I can make some chick fantasy come through why not?

  • Shulkie

    @Paulette I’m turned on just thinking about it! If I was actually faced with the situation….Jesus, I would probably cum before anyone’s clothes were even off!! I just want to get into that once, and soon so I don’t miss the chance completely…I have a really long list I need to get checked off!

    @DC Man I just can’t get down with the two female one male thing…but I just don’t really like too many females in general anyway. That and I’m pretty selfish. Maybe I’ll grow out of it…but I doubt that!

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    .@DC man….religion is the reason why we have a lot of our sexual inhibitions.Virgins are highly prized because of religious myths .Even in Africa they believe sleeping with a virgin will cure AIDS.

    A “used” woman….someone who’s had sex with various men is still frowned upon as marriage material.I know a guy that hears that I’ve had a 3some with 2 men probably thinks I would be a great fuck buddy but not a partner he’s gonna take home to mama.Not that I care cause I am not interested in impressing his mama anyways.

    Cause I know he’s slept with way more women than I’ve slept with men….but he’s doing “what men are supposed” to do.His mama will frown at me but not at him.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Paulette

    Who gets tired during sex? Maybe a cramp break or a gatorade break inbetween nuts but who calls timeouts due to fatigue? I have never been winded while sexing. And I tear it down I go hard and still no timeouts(barring any cramping and even then sometimes I just hump my cramp loose)

  • single23

    I think today’s society of female purity hasn’t changed much. Some men may want women with experience but they don’t want a woman that has a long list as far as black men are concerned (it varies from man to man, but men don’t want a woman that have had as many partners as they have or near it). I was one of those sisters that was waiting for marriage (tragic circumstances alleviated me of my cherry a few yrs ago) but it seemed like I was treated with more respect by black men as a virgin. I definitely didn’t date in H.S. because it was known that I was waiting for marriage so although they saw me as the woman you end up marrying, I was not the woman they would date (they wanted some nookie). Now while there were those men who just wanted to be the first (there were a lot).

    As a black women I do think that black women are painted as more promiscuous by the media, STD stats, and the single mother rate. I can definitely saw the media is spreading propaganda about the black community and we don’t help ourselves when in our music videos the black women look more like strippers then real black women. The STD rate isn’t so high because we have sex more then other races, we just aren’t safe (use condoms people). And there are more single black mothers out there is because most black women don’t believe in abortion.

  • DC Man with a plan

    Paulette…U back on the soapbox, Boo? I am not a man that would take stuff you shared in confidence and use it against you. Hell, if you had 3somes and respect my desire NOT to have them and WE get together and you know that shyts behind you if I’m not down with it–U are marriage material. Of course, there are bound to be things you just keep to yourself cuz peeps often can not handle the details of a lovers past…..By the time a man is in love..he ain’t caring about your past…so don’t generalize that all men will hold your past against you…even if you have unorthodox experiences…..Ok, ta-hell with that PC B/S. Yo shyt is WAYYY different…lmao.
    As far as you, Shulkie, I know one dude is at this end and the other at the other end–so they ain’t touchin…but still…That’s a toughy…no matter how nonchalant Da Throne acts about it…..But Da Throne, if you read what Shulkie said, she can’t get down with another female in the room–so I don’t see why it should be a different rule for me. And it’s not so much about being gay…as it is too damn freaky. But I’ll say this: If you find two dudes that have no real love for you..kind of a one night thing, that’s doable…but then how safe would you feel getting pumped on by two random dudes? Seems to me you gotta know at least one of them to feel safe and know that you won’t wake up in the tub in a bunch of ice…with your liver or kidneys missing………

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @Single23….the statistics have to be off cause there’s no way with only 12% of blacks in the population that they dominate STD rates.White folk are 30something% or more and there’s no way in hell the majority of them are protecting themselves.They probably think they are invincible and just not being tested…so the rates are only for people who actually get tested.I am religious about using condoms.I carry them in my bag.

    The media slants info for their own propaganda campaigns.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @Black Ladies

    Who cares how the media(or anybody for that matter) views you? As long as your comfrontable with yourself and what your doing then what does it matter what other people think you do. Some people will smear your good name even if you havent done anything.

    Personally I could careless how many dudes you bone. Im too grown to care about shit like that. If your a virgin cool if you was a call girl so what I have a checklist of all the things I need from my spouse as long as a female has all these things I will marry her and none of them deal with her sexually past(except for kids).

  • Shulkie

    @DC man I say NO to random pumping! I’m too paranoid for that kind of thing. And you’re right, I can understand where the dudes are coming from. My not wanting a 3some with another chick is the same situation. That’s why I’m not knocking your not wanting to try out the Homie Honey Homie Scenario. It’s all good!

    I agree with Paulette about the media slants. It’s just a matter of hitting up the local bars and clubs to get a general idea.

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    I will say this if the two chicks arent bi then a threesome is pointless. I want them touching kissing and other stuff!

  • DC Man with a plan

    Back to the virgin thing…It was mentioned earlier that experience may be over rated bcuz peeps have the internet, tv and porn to get a clue from….But if you’re REALLY a virgin, you haven’t in my mind, performed masturbation..and if you don’t know your body–how the hell you gonna know whether you like to be on top, or on your back? Spooning or doggie style? How far do you bend ova or back? How wide you gotta open those thighs……..where your hands go…U gonna jump if he plays with your azz? WTF? Hell naw, virgins don’t know SHYT about gettin it poppin….but if that’s what you are and what you choose to be–do you, BOO…there will be someone willing to do it your way–somewhere on the planet….but don’t go around talkin about being an expert and you ain’t had no dyck yet! And don’t think you all that special…ery’body been a virgin…no matter how far back you gotta go…lmao

  • Kee Kee

    Whoa, so much is going on here. I ain’t sex yet but Da Throne has signed me up for 4-somes already!!!! Ha Ha! 39 year hiatus, whoa…. Biblical Rampages… Porn addictions… Too much for to catch up.

    @NWSO
    Anatomically Correct Slow Jam- So wrong for that! Yeah, definitely wouldn’t want my first to be like that!

    @DC Man with a plan
    I call b.s. on that masturbation thing. Hmmph whatever…. No need for me to elaborate on that. However you do have a point, certain things I may not know about until I experience it. I ain’t claiming to be an expert by any means, but I do know a lil about what it takes to get ME there. I ain’t saying my first time I’m just hop on that thang and ride out… Who could? But I’m not hopping in the sack completely clueless, homie. But you’re right, there is somebody willing to do it my way… And I don’t think I’m special just because I’m a virgin, you can read the comments and see, not everybody wants a virgin……….

    @Da Throne
    Thanks for the props, hun!

  • Elle

    Lawd, wtf has been going on here?

    Preachers … 3somes….even 4somes … wow, this topic brought each and every lurker into the light to actually comment, huh.

    Popcorn anyone?

  • Mimi in the OC

    @Paulette-BAJAN-Gal:

    1.For your info, Black females are the social category the most infected in the United States it’s a fact, period, it’s not about believing it’s just numbers. Basically the ratio for black women is higher than for the other social categories :-(, but overall the total of white women infected could be superior to the total of black women infected. I don’t remember the exact stats, but I can tell you each time I get tested the nurse/doctor makes a point to inform me…(that I am in a “dangerous” social category). I also read it several times in various articles/studies.

    2. There are people in some confined villages in Africa, likely unexposed to media and the flow of information we take for granted everyday, surely lacking education who believe that having sex with a virgin will cure AIDS. It’s not the same as saying as people in Africa believe that having sex with a virgin wil cure AIDS. (Huge ridiculous generalization, cause I am from/lived there…)

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Mimi in the OC

    Anyone that can do math knows that there’s no fucking way 12% of a population …and keep in mind the STD statistics is only talking about a small percentage of those people….can dominate the rate in America.

    So the other 88% of non-black people ain’t fucking?…minus the kids of course.Don’t believe the hype.

    My white/asian girlfriends are fucking too.And many of them are falling in love with dude in 3 weeks and not using condoms.And dudes aren’t black either.A white chick I know was hopping from bed to bed like she was doing a documentary for HBO…now shes getting married this Summer.But shes white…so she’s invincible to STD…NOT.

    Not at the computer….but later today Imma do some snooping behind those statistics.Cause they don’t add up.

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    btw…my 4 3somes with 2 ladies/1 guy was with the same guy.And he was my ex-husband for 3 of them.

    So needless to say….he will never be satisfied with just 1 woman.lmao.

    I’m really glad I got to experience what I have sexually cause my skills are Master’s Degree type ish and I’m disease free….never had an STD in my lifetime.But I have friends who do…and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

    But for real….if I never experience an orgy or another 3some…I’m good.It’s not that deep for me since I know how over-rated it can be.

  • Mimi in the OC

    @paulette-BAJAN-gal:
    I don’t wanna sound like I am forcing you to believe anything, but it seems to me we are not talking about the same thing, or we are misunderstanding each other.

    What I mean is that among the black population (this is an example, it’s not actual numbers) 6 black females out of 10 will be infected, whereas among the white population 3 white females out of 10 will be infected. That’s what I mean when I say black females are the most infected social category in the US (and that’s what stats show).

    It doesn’t mean that black females dominate the rate in the US, those are 2 different metrics. Black females do not dominate the rate in the US, they can’t dominate the rate just like you explained.

    Researchers measure the rate per social category, because the ratio has to be relatively to the size of the social category. The overall rate is not relevant, because it depends on the largest group, which is obviously white people in the US.

    So, what those stats are saying is that of all social categories (White males, White females, Hispanic females, Asian males, Black males, etc.), Black females is the one the most infected. in other words, considering the number of Black females, there are more infected than in another social group.

    Hopefully this is clearer

  • http://thoughtsof100k.blogspot.com 100K
  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    @ Mimi in the OC…the way the media shows those numbers they lead people to believe that black females dominate. I just checked out http://www.avent.org and this is what they said…

    “”””A study presented in 2008 revealed that around 26% of young American women aged 14-19 are infected with at least one of the four most common sexually transmitted infections.2 This amounts to around 3.2 million female teenagers. The most widespread infection is HPV (human papilloma virus, which can cause genital warts and cervical cancer), found in 18% of young women. In second place is chlamydia, with a 4% infection rate. The study found that African American teenagers are most severely affected; around 48% of young African American women have an STD, compared to 20% of young white women.”””

    If 3.2 million teen age females are infected out of a general population of 300 Million people the study is very misleading.1% of the population.Plus they said 26% of teenage women over all.Which means 74% are not infected.

    Statistics are always misleading.

    Black women are not running the streets fucking every man willy nilly.It’s just not true.

    (((I’m not arguing with you …at all..I’m just saying it’s good to break the numbers down to see how misleading 50% of 10 sounds alarming…even though it’s only 5.)))

    The media uses percentages for a good reason.if they used actual numbers of people compared to the general population it doesn’t seem so “alarming”.

  • Anonymous

    This the first time i have ever comment on the internet. But being a female 21 year old virgin i’m upset that virgins are being discriminated against. what am i suppose to do masterbate for the rest of my life, i already get taken the piss out of by family and friends for being a virgin. But its ok i will buy a virbration.

    Peace and Love everyone xxx

  • Me me Me

    @ Da ThRone

    I like ur thinking… and by the way 30 single, No kids.. and got my own…were out here u just need to step away from ur computer

    Now I just want to add my two cents about Sin

    Sin is a latin/Greek Terminology that means “Missing the Mark”

    the word sin has been twisted to mean something bad and horrible… but its not that way…

    so if u sin in life, or (MISS THE MARK) u can always change it….

    Dont believe the HYPE people…
    Sin or no Sin

  • Me me Me

    @ paulette-BAJAN-gal

    Love u girl… I didnt even have to comment because u said exactly what I would of said to majority of the stuff written….

    keep doing the research that debunks the myths and keep doing u…

    Love ya mind girl..Keep going

    I2I

  • Jazzy

    Very funny comments.

    But…I’m noticing that most of the people who are self-proclaimed “freaks” who either a.) like giving head or b) like receiving head all want the giver to swallow…yet say they practice “safe” sex with condoms all of the time. Well, hate to be a buzzkill but oral sex without condoms leads to contagious stuff being passed around too. And worse: in your mouth!

    Think about it…

  • Spinster

    Whoa, LOTS of comments and not enough time to read them all. :-| How the hell did I miss this topic?….. :-|

    I’ve been sick of the virginity/sex double standard for years. It’s chauvinistic and ridiculous.

    A person’s sexual history USED to affect who I was with. When I heard numbers in the double digits, I was turned off completely. I figured that if a man is turned off by a woman with multiple partners, why shouldn’t I feel the same about them? Should I want a “damaged goods” man? was my reasoning. Now, not so much. I’m at an age where I can’t really do that anymore. I WILL still raise an eyebrow, but I won’t totally X that person out.

    Women of color have always been viewed as more sexual, in my opinion. I think it was the sick and twisted rationale for all conquistadores worldwide (and not just Great Britain either) and one of the reasons why they were able to commit such crimes against humanity (slave trade, stealing land, war crimes, etc.). Just my opinion.

    Would I date or marry a virgin? Who knows. I waited a VERY VERY long time, so I don’t think it’s right for me to judge someone because I know that I didn’t like being judged for waiting as long as I did. I had all kinds of responses varying from “that’s great” to “do you have psychological problems?” :-| , so I wouldn’t want to subject someone to that and would respect them even more for it.

  • lil E 28

    @Mimi in the OC

    yes i want to lose it when i get married , yes i require him to be a virgin like me.

  • Spinster

    I’m curious – I’m not saying that virgins shouldn’t read this blog of course. However, why read this blog if you (general) are trying to remain pure? Wouldn’t being a virgin also mean staying pure in heart and mind too?

    Seems like this would be the WRONG blog to read, especially this particular entry. :-|

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Spinster

    Why is the assumption that because someone is a virgin that are on this “pure” kick? While there are the religious based virgins, couldn’t the person just want to wait for the right person etc.?

    And it’s not like virgins don’t have the same thoughts/desires that non-virgins do.

    Read on virgins, read on.

    LOL

  • Spinster

    Those questions were hypothetical. And I mentioned that I’d never say for virgins to not read the blog. It’s just that if one is trying to remain a virgin until marriage, wouldn’t refraining from reading or watching certain things help, such as refraining from reading blogs that have the potential to “cloud” one’s thinking?

    Again, hypothetical.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Spinster

    cool.

    But don’t think it’s that cut and dry, just like a woman/man that is abstaining watches porn or might masturbate, I figure virgins can do the same. Also, since they are inexperienced perhaps they’d like to see/hear what the ins and outs of that lifestyle is about for when they do go there or as wake up calls of how wack it is. LOL

  • Spinster

    Maybe. Or maybe, based on my experiences of being a former church-goer, the folks I associated with were just that cut and dry.

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Spinster

    “Cut & Dry”

    No pun intended of course :P

  • Spinster

    Heathen LMAO. ;-)

  • Ricks

    Just bumped into this when I was searching for a virgin single . Am a virgin male and there is no problem about that. If I am to lose it, I need a virgin lady!

  • older & wiser

    @ Ricks there is a virgin female who commented on here and she is waiting for a virgin male, maybe you all should hook up.

    Ask NWSO for the hook up :)!!

  • Ricks

    Thanks. It will be great if NWSO can help me with that! Just waiting for Nwso’s word.

  • da ThRONe

    Hold up when did “Naked with socks on” become “America’s next top Virgin”???!!!!!!!!

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    Rotfl @ Da Throne…let NWSO be the virgin matchmaker…..virgins deserve love too.Plus after they lose their virginity they can find tips on how to give great oral on here.lmao

  • Ricks

    As per the initial question of discussion, If ‘Naked with socks on’ can be a meeting place for virgins, there is no problem about that I believe. I am a virgin and If am to lose it, I would like to share it with a virgin!!!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    I’m not the virgin gatekeeper. LOL

    If the previous ladies that have shared their stories of chastity are down to meet a fella in their same frame of mind, I’m more than happy to play the conduit. But you have to bring your own game.

    LOL

  • older & wiser

    Yeah NWSO! Let the games begin!

    …and keep us in the loop ;-).

  • Ricks

    Hoping that those ladies are keeping a watch over these pages so that the game can start rolling.

  • lil E 28

    @Paulatte-Bajan-gal

    first of all don’t play with me like that talkin about how vigins can find tips on how to give great oral 2th of all i’m not never gonna give no man no kind of oral sex maybe that’s what U do it’s surely not gonna be me!!!!!!

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    Why are u singling me out?1st of all…this isn’t a Disney blog….read the archives.Don’t play yourself.There are some VERY adult topics on here.

    2nd of all…what man is gonna want you as a woman if you don’t give oral?…oral sex is a part of any healthy sexual experience.What planet are you from?

  • http://myspace.com/nexus_da_underdawg da ThRONe

    @lil E 28

    Maybe if you were getting some dick you wouldnt be so up tight! LOL

    Weither you choose to ever put a dick in your mouth or not is your decision. But why would you think that there is something wrong with any female who do? For some people(me included) oral sex is as much a part of sex as intercourse. So to advise you to go down isnt an attempt to disrespect you. Chill ma!

  • Ricks

    @lil E 28

    Don’t be worried. I believe that true love involves respect for each others’ sexual preferences. We all have different choices in this life and you have a right to stand by yours. I also think that not every man likes that oral thing. A peson who will truely love you, will respect what you believe in and stand for.

  • lil E 28

    @Ricks

    Thank you for sticking up for me i truly appreciate that !!!

  • Ricks

    @lil E 28

    Thanks too. Wish you all the best!

  • Pingback: OMG I Slept With Over 4 Million People (Sex Calculator) | FreshXpress.:.The PULSE of Young Black America()

  • Ricks

    Where did the virgins go? Iam still looking for one out here!!!

  • lil E

    I’m still here !!!!!

  • Ricks

    Good to hear from you!!

  • lil E

    Thanks back at cha !!!!

  • AuthenticQueen

    Wow. I just read MOST of that. LOL. That was enough entertainment for awhile!

  • Pingback: Do You Ever Question Your Religion? | FreshXpress.:.The PULSE of Young Black America()

  • iranturave

    @CC thats on point, respect!

    @abeni It’s unfortunate you feel the way you do, and its understandable because being older than you and in a very similar situation I understand. (*ok same)
    But I would not recommend you just do it and him not be aware. One if he can’t tell based on your personality, conversation or bedroom behaviors you haven’t had sex, he just doesn’t know you well enuf, nor has he taken the time to, either.
    I suggest you explore. Become so empowered in who you are, your sexual desires, wants, needs that you aren’t your sex or sexual experiences.
    I have too many friends who had sex with the wrong people, that they didn’t enjoy the experience. There are too many women who haven’t experienced orgasms (and there are different kinds and you can have them being stimulated in different ways.) Some are limited in their sexual exploration and are very experienced or have had a lot of sex. goes the same for men who have a lot of sex but can’t bring a woman to her peak.
    My limitations are because I limit myself and who I choose to be am with. There are too many diseases, and I have no desire to become someones babies mama, and to be honest I just haven’t found the one I want to sleep with (i got more selective as i got older.)
    So yes you will be labeled and left and told it aint worth holding on to, and promised bliss beyond your wildest dreams.
    But its up to you to decide and make it what you want. No you don’t have to go from zero- sex in a day, baby step it. do some sexting, watch a porn, get a toy, learn the art of four play, make out in public, find what turns u on. But please don’t base your final decision on bad experiences. Or that a guy will stay around because your now having sex with him
    Some people maintain their virginity until marriage, its up to you to decide what you want for your life and embrace it.
    GOOD LUCK!!! (if life were easy there wouldn’t be a heaven to attain) :o)

  • aj

    I am a 20 year old virgin :) listen girls if you want to keep ur virginity it is good… i never even had a blow job or kiss loll i know it sounds crazy to some ppl but its nothing really.. its religion and culture.. plus its healthy! A guy these days will make any hole their satisfication lolll (theyll fuk any hole) some girls will fall for men eaisly but the problem here is the guy can be an ass.. and just use her for sex.. their target is ass lol hey getting sex is easi the hard part is not doing it.. really cuz its so addictive.. like masturbation haaha lool and girls who say theyll neva sleep with a virgin is cuz they assume they cant please em like other men.. this is totally false.. every girl and guy is different im sure there are virgins that do it better then guys who did it 100 times becuz simply its liek a gift do u get me??

  • ok

    Everyone here is an ear virgin. This plague of virginity must be stopped. Every man, woman, and child must have someone cum in their ear atleast once in their lifetimes. It is what Jesus wants. Praise the Lord….Amen

  • Anonymous

    @OK
    Being a virgin is not a plague! It is a persoanl choice and commitment to one’s beliefs and values. I am a virgin male, and I will wait till a get an appropriat virgin lady to settle down with! Keep up the fight @aj!!!

  • kiki

    I’m a 22 year old virgin, and proud of it! I think that the guys who cant handle that are immature, because they have yet to realize that sex will never be as good as it is with someone you love.

    @Anonymous

    I hear you! I’m only settling for a virgin guy…it’s only fair that if I waited for him, he should have waited for me too.

  • Anonymous

    @kiki
    Great to hear about you! My hopes of getting the rightful lady are brightened when I hear people like you talk! Wish you all the best great one!!!

  • jotarra

    i was a virgin til i was 21… i had a college boyfriend who refused to take my virginity… i thought he was insane… i dated him for 2 1/2 years, all i was waiting for was to be in love… i never had intentions of being a virgin til i was married… he and i broke up eventually… i was ready, and i had a few chasers that i wanted to persue. i almost immediately met anotherm and fell in love very quickly… only a month and a half of dating… and i enjoyed my first experience with him. now its years later, been shacking up 3 years and im glad that he took a chance with me. he was also hesitant… but patient. the first boyfriend was kinda fresh himself… still wt behind the ears… my man now was military(and he fit the stereotype of male whore prior to me) , he had the patience to lay in the same bed with me everynight until i was ready… u definately wanna have a great first time.

    even if something were to go terribly wrong in our relationship, he will always be special, and i know that he will respect me. i feel as though im not beign taken for granted, he understands that he has this ” great responsibility ” – he feels lucky and more secure that im not the “runaround” type. MAKE SURE YOU STAY STRONG ENOUGH TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT ONE!!!

  • Anonymous

    @jotarra

    Thanks for sharing your experience and for the encouragement!!!

  • Anonymous

    By the way, just asking- are there virgin ladies out here who are ready to start some friendship with a virgin gentle man?

  • NocturnoCulto

    Unintentionally stumbled across this forum, and I’ll provide a little tale of my experience in the matter..Its definitely long, so disregard it if you could care less obviously..but if not, I hope to answer the question in depth and provide some insight, having delved too deeply into the realm of dating virgins and awakened the Balrog, so to speak..

    But I hope I can relay some life lessons and experience to those who haven’t done the deed at all, let alone with a virgin.

    I’m currently 22 and lack any religious beliefs, so i’ve had no problem with engagin’ in the act of love, but i do possess self respect and a strong set of personal ideals, so I don’t just screw any chance i get, I do obviously have to care about the gal..but being the frontman in a band, being fortunate enough to be found attractive by girls that i find attractive, coming from someone who lacks an arrogant bone in their body, just realistic..if I was a haggard-ass dunce and sex was merely a myth to me, i’d fill you in on how i felt ’bout that hahah…but that’s not the case, so i’m tellin you what is

    Regardless, try to make a long story short:

    4 of the girls i’ve had serious relationships were virgins..and It was definitely a varied experience.

    The first being the one I lost mine with near 9 years ago,
    the 2nd being a crush that culminated in the horizontal hustle, with her leaving back to Colorado the next day making me instantly regret it,
    3rd being a massive learning experience, as many months after taking her virginity, her obsessiveness reached such ridiculous limits it reached the point where I couldn’t just keep justifying it nor rationalizing it. being a nice dude n all, felt i had an obligation to stick by and remain with her, knowing i’d be a douchebag if i were to bail after commiting such a deed..but it became way too much..the 4th was the one i’ll go into detail with..

    Although the majority of people make vast assumptions about me based on my appearance (scruffy metalhead in a leather jacket)
    ..and assume I’d be the type to pressure the girl and be a horn-dog pulling a myriad of guilt trips, intimidation or a combination of the two..its quite the opposite..

    I was 16 and I’d spent almost a year and a half with a girl who was a virgin,
    (while i had regretfully lost that status 2 years prior at the time with #1 as you recall)
    ..she asked me from the get-go to respect that fact, and without hesitation or even a frown I did.
    Slowly but surely, through my constant boosting of her self esteem and displays of real love, she grew to be confident about herself and was opening up to the concept of doing the deed…

    yet lacking assholeish traits and being a nice guy, plus sincerely loving the girl to the point where being with her enlightened me as to what that constantly overused word actually MEANS..I would deny her advances-
    effectively playing the role of the girl, saying what the virgin would usually be saying, not the one who’d be doing the de-virginizing

    Telling her it shouldn’t be done on a whim and more of a special thing, can’t help that i’m a sap when it came to her, where otherwise I’d always have common sense to avoid getting attached

    Well, to be blunt…
    I was a full-blown junkie at the time, a curse that plagued me from 13-19, so with black tar always being first and foremost to me whether I liked it or not, I wasn’t exactly being the best possible boyfriend I could have been, and another guy appeared in the scene.

    He started off stalking her, no joke, and I reaaally wish i was exaggerating when I tell you he was one of the UGLIEST sons’a’bitches you’d ever see in your life, with anthrax acne and a hook nose, yet he could provide the constant attention she needed that i couldn’t, and even though he blatantly said to me how easy it was to manipulate younger girls, and i had easily proven that was not my goal in the slightest having denied HER advances
    (he was in his 20’s at the time)
    she fell in to his B.S. and was tempted by the fact he had a car, didnt’ do heroin,
    and he clearly wouldn’t blow the only chance to get a girl in his life

    Well….fast forward only three weeks and they are bumping uglies..with her making it all the worse by contacting me in tears at random for months and months, even years after the fact, to inform me that she was well aware it was a relationship of convenience and not connection..that she didn’t love him it was only all the bonuses that came with it, that the fact she could see us together till old age scared the shit out of her.

    And now, still SIX years later? I find myself kicking my ass over it, and I love her just as much as the day it ended, having seen her as recent as just a week and a half ago, and it feels like not a day has passed, the chemistry still remaining with a vengeance..

    In closing, I witnessed a bum blow his goddamned head off 10 feet in front of me half a year ago..(yeah it wasn’t exactly great times)

    and the effect she has on my psyche and the ability to completely wreck my immense willpower is TEN TIMES more than how i felt seeing that..yeah.

    (having conquered H and been clean 3 years now, so i obviously don’t have a hard time holding strong when it comes to..well pretty much anything else)

    Aaand Yeah, that’s that, true story.. as ridiculous as that may seem- believe me I have a hard time letting it all sink in myself hahaha, and this is just 1 of the many memories from the past..

    hell that’s what makes us who we are, I wouldn’t change a thing, wouldn’t be who I am today, having already lived lifetimes in only a quarter of just one.

    If I was going to sit around and mope about it, i’d be an emo kid and not a metalhead. :P

    • Anonymous

      If you still love her, why not go for it?

  • http://www.nakedwithsockson.com NWSO

    @NocturnoCulto

    Peace dude

    Thanx for sharing your story it was really honest and a great addition to the discussion. You sound like a stand up guy and I commend your courage for overcoming all that you have and pushing forward. Love is a tricky thing and it sucks that your ex ended up sharing herself with an a-hole, but you win some and you lose some. At the end of the day you know that you did what was right for you.

  • Aurora

    Hm.

    I apologise beforehand because I know I’m not really contributing anything… but I find it rather interesting how people see anything including the word “sex” constitutes as a loss of virginity.

    In my opinion oral sex does not constitute as sexual intercourse, but rather sexual activity. Just because it has the word “sex” in it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is so. Just like cheesecake – because it has the word “cake” in it, does that mean it’s a type of cake?

    I suppose what I’m trying to get here is that I wouldn’t pay attention to word play too much. And that because names/definitions doesn’t necessarily constitute reality.

    Anal and vagina sex is a different matter though, in my opinion, as it involves actually penetration. Again, this is just my opinion since genital-oral contact may be seen as penetration for others.

    I believe that the question should be, “why would anyone want to sleep with a person with little or no sexual experience?” rather than, “why would anyone sleep with a virgin?”. The word “virgin” and “virginity” is a complete social/cultural construct and concept. And as such, is highly subjective. Some see it as a complete lack of sexual experience. Others see it as the lack of penile-vaginal intercourse. There’s no correct definition. And there’s also the issue of homosexual sex as well – “are lesbians virgins?”

    So yeah. You can be technically a “virgin” but be rather experienced in sexual activity. Again, it’s just my opinion of course.

    On a slightly similar note, those who see virgins as “conquests” disgust me. Although I can understand that it is somewhat flattering in being someone’s first, I don’t see a sense of accomplishment in “taking” someone’s virginity. I have been in a couple of situations such as these, where men have attempted to coax me into their beds and attempt to manipulate my age (and by extension my ignorance/naivety)… and I must admit, I find it revolting at the extent that some people go through just to increase and satisfy their egos and “manhood”.

    Ah, I’m going offtopic, haha. Sorry. I like to ramble. XD

  • thecynicmyth

    Ok, because there is such a lack of the virgin perspective *insert sarcastic face* I find it necessary to comment on this. Firstly, someone who shall not be named (but can be found by scrolling thru the comments about, hmm, 3/4th of the way thru) mentioned that virgins should not read this blog because ‘they should remain pure of mind as well’ or something biblical sounding like that. Honestly, I can’t imagine that anyone could have a dirtier mind than a 19+ virgin. The damage is done there and wont be repaired until, likely, they get laid. All the freakiest shit you can imagine was first thought up by a sexually repressed 30 year old. This blog IS the Disney channel to them..They’re nearly deviants..lmao. (not that I consider myself to be a deviant or anything..*cough*) Just saying, to say that would be to allude that all virgins are straighteddge hardcore sunday/wednesday christians, common misconception, I think nowandays most virgins are situational. The situation hasn’t presented itself in a nice enough package yet, and they refuse to lower that standard; which leads me to my second point. When I say ‘nice enough package’ I’m talking about the myth of the virgins ‘right guy.’ I, personally, am not waiting for mr. perfect. Mr.Compatible would be nice though, and that’s why I say ‘nice enough package’. Guy doesn’t have to be a Lamborghini , but a bmw would be pretty nice. And I think they reuse to lower that standard because it’s not unrealistic or naive to hope for compatibility, for a beemer. That person (or those people in some of yalls cases.. ;-) just hasn’t presented themselves yet.

    • Anonymous

      You’re looking for the wrong things in your first-time partner… Where is your mind, girl? Sex isn’t some casual thing unless it’s you’ve been racking up the partners.

  • European

    is it wrong to be a virgin though?
    Now a days sex is one of the many things that make young people do for fun.
    People now a days are also making it seem that being a virgin is a bad thing because you feel left out because you haven’t done it.
    I’m talking from experience because I’m still a virgin and will be so till the day I get married but sometimes I can’t relate to what other that have had sex are talking about and what not.
    I feel more pressure to have sex now than I did before

    • Anonymous

      You need to surround yourself who have similar values. There are a number of people who are virgins and are waiting. You can e-mail me @aim.com if you want to discuss it.

  • Ekanem Ezekiel

    Please, what can happen to a virgin when she stay longer than what she surpose to? And will be the result of keeping her self when have orch to make love with her boyfriend or husban?

  • beautiful32

    Duh, if he didn’t remain on the cross we would have no sacrafice. I personally don’t know how to kill animals and wouldn’t want to-where are they? I like the fact God is real and so is Jesus. Why you can’t believe it is because you gave up on the truth. Writing these comments will never take the place of the truth. It wasn’t that he sacraficed his child-he sacraficed himself as well. You really need to read and understand what you are reading. God’s words are a part of him. If what I say come from my heart then why not God. It’s ok if you don’t want to believe in the truth-just don’t die like that. Being a virgin is beautiful-so is being a woman. I personally don’t want to use up my gift and give it to the world-how bout u? All women should be cautius and not oversexual as it is an addiction. Every man still want to feel some type of pleasure-connection and get there. If you sleep with everybody how u suppose to learn how to cum.

  • Rose

    I hear what people are sayin. But my thing is do whatever you wanna do. If you wanna have sex with a million ppl go ahead. but don’t knock people who are holding on to their commitments (whether religiously-based or not). A lot of people use people as rags and then throw them away, yet no one talks about this.

  • Ronnies

    Just stumbled here when I was on the web trying to find out if it is possible to find virgins. I am a virgin male myself amd if am to settle down, I pray to settle down with a virgin! And it is great to find some out here on this forum! Please keep me posted if there is that special one searching like am doing!

  • Nikkola

    Oh well, looks like my ass will be single for the rest of my life. I’m not a fucking virgin!

  • Yaya

    I lost my virginity at 23 by my own choosing. My first time was actually awesome….but enough reminiscing lol…I think that people put too much stock in sexual experience….if you connect with a person….it shouldn’t matter how much experience you bc regardless you have to learn what feels good with a new partner anyway unless you out for just your pleasure….its not that deep..

  • Promise

    Am a virgin male sincerely looking for a sincere virgin lady. Any left here?

    • Lee

      lol. I’m a virgin :)lol

  • Anonymous

    Ummmm….. It’s 2011 and any man still walking around saying “I want a virgin” and he’s not a virgin himself is a clown. I cannot take him seriously, at all. LOL You want a virgin but you have been with half the metropolitan area in your state alone. LOL GTFOH Better recycle these hoe’s like the rest of us. ;)

  • Anonymous

    Ummmm….. It’s 2011 and any man still walking around saying “I want a virgin” and he’s not a virgin himself is a clown. I cannot take him seriously, at all. LOL You want a virgin but you have been with half the metropolitan area in your state alone. LOL GTFOH Better recycle these hoe’s like the rest of us. ;)

  • Anonymous

    Ummmm….. It’s 2011 and any man still walking around saying “I want a virgin” and he’s not a virgin himself is a clown. I cannot take him seriously, at all. LOL You want a virgin but you have been with half the metropolitan area in your state alone. LOL GTFOH Better recycle these hoe’s like the rest of us. ;)

  • Promise2011

    @TheBeautifulOne 1 comment collapsed CollapseAm not that type of man you are talking about who moves around sleeping with every Tina, Dona and Helen! Am serious about what I said and I stand by it!!! 

  • Dorrirpink101

    I am Doris,from what I can read. It has been sad news and scam to everyone about Voodoo casters or so. But to me they are so real cause one worked for me not quite two weeks.i met this man on a blog his name is MERUJA OWO is a very powerful man.I traveled down to where his shrine his and we both did the ritual and sacrifice.he had no website site, and now me and my ex are living very ok now.I don’t know about you but Voodoo is real;love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,diabetic voodoo,hypertensive voodoo,high cholesterol voodoo,Trouble in marriage,Barrenness(need a child),Luck, Money Spells,it’s all he does. I used my money to purchase everything he used he never collected a dime from. He told me I can repay him anytime with anything from my heart. Now I don’t know how to do that. If you can help or you need his help write him on (nativedoctor101@live.com) i belive that your story will change,or if you have any question you can contact me here as dorispinto101@gmail.com Thank you.

  • Opps!

    I mean it depends on your age and what you as a person wants.  While in the post he is saying he doesnt want a virgin, at the same time like the first comments says who can find a girl over 21 without a kid.

    Sex is getting out of hand in today’s time.  I just graduated high school and I am 18, and while I can understand why he is saying he doesn’t have the patience for a virgin. Be happy if you can find one, 9th graders are getting pregnant easily just because sex seems to be a trend.  And it will “get guys to like you”  or “have people look at you better than they would a virgin”

    Its a lot of controversy (incorrect spelling I believe) with this topic, as well as double standards but me personally as a young lady…being a virgin doesn’t make you perfect and not being one doesn’t make you a hoe, but you should carry yourself with respect and girls shouldn’t have large body counts.  Guys honestly shouldn’t either, I do not want a man that been with every girl it is too many STDs in this day and age for all that.

  • newstufffff

    I really don’t think it is that big of a deal to be a virgin, but then again I am one but I am still young. My boyfriend isn’t though and we have talked about it, even before we were dating so I do know how he deals about it, but let’s just say i’m not gonna be a virgin for much longer lol. But seriously )I have some friends who I have talked to about it that aren’t Virgins) wait for someone who is worth your time and you won’t regret, don’t just go have sex with anyone, which is why im still a virgin haha. I don’t think you should just throw it away, but defiantly don’t wait till marriage, I mean come onI’d wanna know how to please my man and not have him be kinda like umm ok then. I just think you should wait till it feels right and don’t rush into it before youready…

  • V

    Wow… rather biased… I don’t see being sexually chaste as a physical contingent (if that makes sense) but rather as a spiritual decision… I’m a young lady – of COLOUR (South African) – and I’ve never seen myself exposed or vulnerable, if yet, to sexual assault simply by, and I’m not boasting, the way I carry myself (strictly my opinion :) )

  • catholicschoolebony…

    I am soo sick of this stuff… okay let me make this 100% clear just because someone is a virgin dose not mean that they are new to sexual things.. i mean really i am 100% virgin but… i know how to do just as much stuff as the next whore… I mean its called practies!!!!.. like i dont have time for guys who are narrow minded about me being a virgin. I am very proud to say i am 18 am i am a virgin..most guys think becuase i went to an all girls catholic school is the reason why i am still a virgin.. uhh noo very wrong!!! i’m a virgin for the simple fact that i dont want to be the type ot be used up by the time i get married.. I want my husband to come home and do me everyday of the week and help me make up for lost times..like ive dated guys who were virgins and we’ve done things and ohh my i would have never knew he was a virgin the way he touched me,licked me.. ( too much info) but anyway.. just bc someone is a virgin dose mean they dont know what to do….

  • morena79

    Your post is very ignorant and arrogant, to say the least. So if you happen to meet a virgin in your life and you really like her, would you not date her all because she is one? Would your lack of patience with someone who could be the one for you and who is very genuine play a part in you not getting to know her all because she is a virgin? You’re an asshole. It’s guys like YOU that we need to stay away from in all honesty.

    • Anonymous

      A big part of compatibility is morals and such. Clearly if I, or anyone else, has such a view about virginity someone who is a virgin would have a moral conflict incompatibility with the person in question. So no matter how much you/she may be my “perfect match” the fact of the matter is I would not be HERS/YOURS. Again compatibility is a two way street. If not wanting to date a virgin no matter how great she is makes me an arrogant a-hole, the question is why would said virgin want to be with a arrogant a-hole anyway? So neither of us want to date each other. End of story.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Thompson/1451838291 Lisa Thompson

    I am a white woman so I cannot speak to the messages women of color receive, though my daughter is 1/2 Mexican, I can say I got the wait until marriage message pretty clearly, even if I ignored it (my dad’s side was very Catholic, my mom’s was southern babtist and sent a lot of messages I ignored, too(as you might have guessed ) I lost my virginity when I was 14 we had been together for 4 years, knew and trusted each other extremely ,it was wonderful, and as the years went on it got better and better the next 2 boyfriends were virgins, and it took awhile, but it got good w/them too I realize now that I was very lucky – I have met women my age 47 who have never had an orgasm that is criminal piqued my curiosity and I asked a lot of questions, what I realized was their 1st times weren’t good, and I unscientifically concluded that that made all the difference,so my advice, (and what I advised my daughter) therefore is whenever you have it – make the first time special, lots of time, privacy, and with a partner who cares enough to take it slow and careful, and of course protection, protection, protection, listen to your body, it will tell you when you’re ready, CC is right – it’s a natural thing,and we should all learn to treat it that way and w/o all the morality/psycho babble nonsense we put on it, does more harm than good

  • Anonymous

    I think its really up to them. In my opinion everytime you start a new relationship and have sex for the first time you basically start from scratch. The only thing you really learn about over the years is your own sexuality and what you like. But even that might differ from partner to partner.

    My wife was a virgin when we married. But that wasnt all that important to me. It was important though that we waited toghether until we were married. It was hard of course but definately worth it. After all we are toghether for life. Plenty of time to have sex :) But especially for us men its good to know if you still like a girl even if you dont have sex with her ;) Come on everyone of us was “in love” with some girls boobies at least once ;) Nice breasts really arent the right reason to marry a girl. Now i’m not so sure about some sexy ass but… NO! :D

    Btw there are intersting studies around about that topic, for example:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2197073/The-wait-thats-worth-New-couples-delay-sex-longest-happiest.html

  • cmtmjj2013

    My wife and I were both not virgins when met. We both had one partner and yes there were some feelings of jealousy. We boh hated the fact that we were with other people. I hated the fact my wif gave away her virginity to a guy she did know. She would continue to see him once a month for a year for sex, no love there. My wife hated the fact I enjoyed hours of sex with my first and I wanted it three times a day. My wifes first lasted 5-10 minutes and she could never reach orgasm. I thrived on making my first orgasm repeatedly. Neither of us loved our first and when we met we dumped each others for each othet. It was true love and we both wish we could have waited. Still that was 24 years ago and we have been married for 18 of them with four children.

  • lopa’laa

    As for me I think sex is a lovely gift from God… Man never designed it but God. HE created it and want us to explore it, but that would only be in a marital relationship. Sex before marriage, whether oral or penetrative, leaves with several questions in your head while in marriage and hence does’t allow you or give the patience to learn and bond with your spouse better because pleasures of the past seem to unravel once the time to make love come… So for me, I would encourage anyone who is abridging to stay that way cause virginity is actually the innocence of the act of sex and not the penetration, since some have resolved to have oral and anal sex hence claiming to be virgins since their hymen are intact.

  • Anonymous

    I am a 22 year old virgin and I don’t advertise it. Why? Cuz of the way people react to adult virgins. Just like abeni said she wants to stop telling guys she’s a virgin I stopped telling dudes(and people in general) that Imma virgin because of the way people treat u after u tell them you’re one. Some of them expect u to not be able to get a man(or a girlfriend if you’re a male virgin), assume u to be too shy, tell u to hurry up and get some dick or make fun of u or exploit u in some way because u never got none. I’ve experienced all of those reactions. And the dudes in particular either diss me if I tell them or wanna hurry up and get some from me since they’ve never been with a virgin. Plus in this sex-crazed world we live in the minute u tell a person that you’re a virgin they start defining you by that. And I’ll be damned if Imma let a person define me by my virginity. That’s exactly why I don’t advertise it and don’t talk to people about it and advise other virgins whether you’re an adult one or a teen one to not talk about your virginity or tell people you’re one so muthafuckas won’t define you as an individual by your virginity. Learn from my mistakes. Also to my virgins or limited experienced people: Have sex without telling the person you’re having sex with that your a virgin. That’s what Imma do when I meet the right guy. Just lead them into thinking you’re like the majority and have had sex before to save yourself some awkward moments, heartbreak and embarrassment. Peace.

  • six seveneighty

    I have had the opportunity of being with not one, but two virgins in my lifetime, one of them is the mother of my first child. I agree that I would much rather be with an experienced woman when having sex, because having sex with a virgin is equivalent to a lamaze class. On the other hand, I also know a woman who is 26 years old and still a virgin, and she is also in a relationship and has been for a couple of years with no sex and she is a very sexy woman or as one would say, she is a “BAD B**ch.” I personally think that to be in a relationship with someone for a couple of years, and not have sex with them is pretty selfish. I believe that sex plays a huge part in a relationship. I told her the same, and her answer was ” Well he can leave if he wants, and find someone who will have sex with him.” So you are willing to let the your potential husband walk , because he wants to share a intimate moment with you? Thats just crazy. years ago, I agreed with the whole saving yourself from marriage concept, but today in 2013, I’m more like its just p**sy its not that serious. I also understand people doing it for religious beliefs. Ladies what are you saving it for, you mightnot be here tomorrow go ahead and break the seal.