Do Men Really Want to Marry Virgins? (The Purity Myth)


If you read yesterday’s Hump Day post and the one from last week, you can pretty much tell that I enjoy the art of sex lovemaking. (But really who doesn’t?) Now, I’ve never claimed to be the best you ever had (cue Drake’s record) but I definitely try to make it do what it do and I expect my bedroom boo to do the same. That’s why I can’t wrap my head around the concept of someone wanting a virgin. In my 16 years of boning I have yet to pop a cherry that wasn’t my own and I damn sure don’t plan on starting now.

While the idea of a bride in a flowing white dress and saving yourself for marriage sounds nice for a fairytale wedding, in today’s oversexed society it’s just not a realistic dream—for me at least. In fact, that would actually be a nightmare. The reason I say that is because I’ve literally spent half my life perfecting my stroke and poke, so when and if I jump the broom I want it to be with a woman that can satisfy me—now not later. That’s not to say a virgin or a less “experienced” partner can’t learn how to please her man sexually, but I’d much rather roll in the hay with a woman that already knows how to swing a pitchfork. Of course, if I we were both virgins or had equally limited bedroom knowledge then none of this would matter because we’d be on the same plane sexually. But since I’m no virgin (sorry, mom) that’s a moot point.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with waiting for marriage if that’s your thing (or you’re my lil sister:). I’m also not saying that people should go out and have sex with everyone under the sun, because there are way too many STDs/STIs and deadbeat dads (a few moms too) out there, but at my age (and experience) I don’t have the patience to deal with a virgin. As much as I take my time during foreplay, I’d imagine a first-time lover would have to be eased super-slowly into new positions, oral sex, being called my dirty little bitch in bed and even knowing what she liked sexually. Sure, it might be fun molding someone into your perfect sex partner and partaking in some super tight nookie, but the position I’m hiring for requires some experience. On the job training is cool, but there are limitations.

Honestly, the whole idea of virginity being a sign of purity is one big crock. Sex doesn’t change a person’s personality, so a gold digger that’s never been with a man before is no different than a gold digger that’s slept with the whole neighborhood. The virgin tends to get a pass because our society judges a woman by her sexual history, while men are able to have as many partners as they like with no problem. Here’s the thing, though, if women are supposed to be “untouched” and “pure,” who the hell are the promiscuous men sleeping with when they’re sowing their wild oats? It’s a foolish double standard that doesn’t even make sense when you really think about it.

In fact, the other day my homegirl Hannah aka h* sent me a link (CLICK HERE) to an article on It was a Q&A with author Jessica Valenti who recently released The Purity Myth, a book that discusses the falsehoods about female “purity” and “virginity.” It’s an interesting discussion that covers a wide array of points, but I found Valenti’s point about how society places White women into the virgin mold more easily than their Black/Brown counterparts the most interesting. She says, “Feminists like bell hooks have been talking about the way Black women’s bodies are positioned as hypersexual for years. (Mostly because it’s a great way for men to have an excuse for sexual assault—you can’t ‘dirty’ something that was already ‘unclean.’)… The thing is, there is certainly an abstinence movement in communities of color and purity advocates who are people of color—but they’re not really shown in the mainstream abstinence movement… When you do see abstinence being targeted at young women of color, there’s not the same kind of talk of purity—it’s more about targeting a group of women that the movement has already focused on as ‘troubled,’ and already-sexual.”

What are your thoughts on society’s views of virginity? Is there a double standard? Should a person be perceived as “pure” because they haven’t had sex? How much does someone’s sexual history effect who you date? Does the burden of virginity rest solely on women? Do you view male and female virgins differently? If so, how? Do you think women of color are viewed as more sexual in society’s eyes than their Caucasian counterparts? Would you date or marry a virgin? Why or why not?

Speak your piece…



About NWSO

NWSO is the brains behind the award-winning site, Naked With Socks On []. Prior to launching the site in 2008, he spent a decade as a professional journalist penning feature articles for numerous mainstream publications and websites and editor at such notable magazines as The Source, XXL and The Ave. Based on his professional background and personal relationship experiences, NWSO is able to provide fair and honest perspective on the interactions between men and women, as well as the world as a whole. Thousands of readers log on daily to discuss everything from sex and relationships to music and entertainment to current events and hot topics, as well as the site's weekly erotica series Wet Wednesdays, which was dubbed “Best Blog Series” in the 2009 Black Weblog Awards. As for the name, Naked With Socks On is symbolic of how NWSO writes: He reveals everything while still leaving something to the imagination. “Like” the NWSO FaceBook Fan Page Follow NWSO’s rants on Twitter @NakedWithSocks Ask NWSO anything on FormSpring