The Rape of Shaniqwa Jenkins (What Can You Do To Help?)

Wonderful post. I've heard similar sex stories from my males friends and it really saddens me to think about how many females this has happened to.

Fortunately, I'm not a victim of sexual assualt. Even as a victim advocate for my college campus I can't fully fathom their pain. My heart definitely goes out to these women.

This is an excellent topic to discuss...some men are completely unaware of how some women have fears of being raped & it would be nice to have our brothers understand where we're coming from and how and why we have this fear

Have you ever been raped or molested?
- Nope. Thank God.

Do you know anyone that has?
- Yes, I do. My ex. And his mother. She was molested most of her teenage years by her dad I believe only then to get raped by her boyfriend and conceived my ex at age 17. Unfortunately, she wasn't a good mother but seemed to have taken her pain out on him. He was molested by her boyfriend(s). Things like that seem to be "inherited" for some reason.

Was it a case of date rape or a stranger?
- In their cases, they weren't strangers at all but family members and boyfriends/"stepdads".

How much of a fear do women have of rape on a daily basis?
- I don't have any kind of fear of rape. Bring it on if you have suicidal tendencies ...

Do you alter where you go or walk at night to feel safe?
- No, same thing applies. "I wish he would.."

How stiff should the penalties be for these types of crimes?
- I'd go middle eastern on them and cut their private parts off so they'd have to pee through a pipe and into a bag. That would remind them of what they have done to deserve this for the rest of their lives - just as the victims will always suffer from the consequences for the rest of their lives.

Could you raise a child that was the result of a rape?
- I'd have an abortion.

What’s your opinion on cases where men say they were raped by women?
- I would never discharge such a statement as BS. Men or little boys can be molested and raped too.

Do you think there’s more of a bias or stigma placed on men when they’ve been violated in this way?
- Not sure. I don't think so.

What would you do if someone you knew was raped?
- Like any major city in the world, you can buy everything imaginable where I live. Logically, I know where to go to get somebody whacked and wouldn't have a problem doing so.

Wow! Thank you for this post!
For me being raped has lead to confusion. I honestly do not know how I feel about it. The page was turned ages ago and I ain’t trying to go back!
I am pretty ‘together’ and appear to be strong and think I am over it but sometimes I catch myself wondering how the rapist sleeps at night and waiting and if not praying for the day he is struck down with lightening.
This is the very first time I have ever spoken/written about it. I do not want any pity neither do I want any drama. I do not know how my parents would handle being told that their daughter endured months of molestation right under their nose and I care not find out. They have done a great job in raising me and I refuse to subject them to anything that suggests they have failed as parents.
I have postponed meaningful relationships because “I am not ready” but I hope that being raped is not the underlying cause… only time will tell?

I've had so many close calls in my lifetime, but thank God that I have never been raped.

When I was 9, I had a gym teacher, Mr. Sands, who took "special interest" in me during his class. I had just come to the States, and I was quiet and shy, so it felt good to have someone pay attention to me. I was a child, and didn't know that the attention that he was giving me was inappropriate. He stared at me intensely during every class, and would comment about me and my body to the entire class. During one of his classes, he called me over and his exact word were, "Come here, I have a secret to tell you." When I came over to him, he proceeded to kiss my earlobe and run his tongue inside my ear, while caressing my arm. He did all this while the entire class watched. And I remember feeling very strange and uncomfortable, dirty, as he was doing this. When I found out that he had a type that he paid special attention to in every class---quiet, shy---I immediately became boisterous and started acting up in his class. It worked, because he left me alone; he never went any further with me. I never told my parents or any adult, so he got away with it. I later learned that he became assistant principal in that school, P.S. 181 in Brooklyn. I cringe to think about how far he has gotten with other children before and after me. Kids who were too scared to talk or blamed themselves. And though my incident was minor compared to the sad experiences other have gone through, it affects me daily. To this day, I cringe when anyone goes near my ears---especially the right one.

I don't know if that incident has anything to do with it, but I always have a fear of being raped. But despite my fear, I always choose to travel in desolate places because I hate crowds. On one occasion, I was on the subway platform at Park Place in Manhattan waiting for the train. As I saw the train pulling into the station, I began walking toward the front because I knew the subway car would be less crowded in the front. As the train pulled into the station, I started getting an uneasy feeling like something was about to happen. Just as the car door opened and I was about to walk in, I turned around and saw a dingy, greasy-looking black man masturbating vigorously as he pulled himself back into a hiding place below the stairs. What I saw in his eye made the hairs on my arms stand up. It was as if he was in a daze, angry, regretting that his mission was not accomplished. I knew then as I know now that his every intention was to pull me into that dark place beneath the stairs and rape me. Only by the grace of God did I walk away unharmed.

My parents were foster parents for years. A social worker once brought this little girl to us. She was about 18 months old at the time. She had been molested with an eating utensil by her 10/12 yo cousin. The situation was so outrageous that the court in Missouri (I think) ordered the baby into "protective" custody, and she ended up with us all the way in New Mexico. She didn't stay with us long because my parents were trying to reunite siblings from another family, and the court order forbade this child from sharing a home with teenage boys. I think about her EVERY time this topic comes up. I wonder how her life turned out...

How stiff should the penalties be for these types of crimes?

I can't say HOW stiff, but I think they should be stiff enough that victims will feel it's worth while to tell. NWSO once posted a link to an article about rape investigations which stated that rape kits sit in labs for years untouched. The system needs to start taking this seriusly, or tougher penalties won't even matter. Although I see the point that kidshealth.org is trying to make, telling is necessary. It's the secretiveness that makes people like Tracy think that rape, molestation & incest are NORMAL.

Great topic today! I really enjoy this blog!

Well I have been raped 3 times. They occurred when I was in undergrad. All times I was highly intoxicated. One particular instance it was by someone I thought would have had my back but was only looking out for self. I used to think "Hey I was drunk, or they were drunk so no biggie" but these incidents began to wear down on my already low self esteem. I began to think that "Im a ho, so might as well live the life". Im became the party girl, Im became a "predator". But this tore my self esteem down even more and being in emotionally and verbally abusive relationships only added fuel to the fire. I was even suicidal at one point. All I could think was "MEN ONLY WANT ME FOR MY BODY, I AM NOT WORTHY OF LOVE" This was so far from the truth but If it happened to me that many times I must have deserved it. WRONG!

As I became more educated and with my involvement in a domestic violence/ sexual assault organization on campus (Project STOP NOW!), I learned that this was not my fault. Alcohol or not, No man has the right to enter your space. Im an advocate for therapy and I truly believe with more awareness on this topic and MENTAL HEALTH, we can make huge strides in saving "all little girls [and boys]"

This was my two cent and thanks again for all you do NWSO!

@ Sister Wayhedia

I was definitely not hating on you or your situation.I was just saying you don't fully comprehend something until you physically try it....especially when it comes to sex.There's a 1st time for everything.

I wish you the best in your journey.Hopefully you will meet a man that can show you that not all men are animals.I have been blessed to experience very loving and gentle sexual encounters with men and it has helped me to understand that what happened to me as a child or to you as a teen is definitely not normal.Most men do not force themselves on women.

I think having a network of women who have experienced molestation as children is important.I lend an ear to all of my girlfriends when they need to talk about it and deal with the emotional baggage that comes with it.And I totally understand their struggles cause I've dealt with the same things myself.

I think it's harder for men to talk about it because of the "homosexual" stigma that surrounds it.But our silence fostered a class of men that felt invincible.

My silence was out of fear...that I would have nowhere to live.Even though in hindsight I had family members that could've taken me in and I would have felt safer.

Since a lot of us are parents now its important to teach our kids to trust us enough to tell us when/if things like this happens to them.predators rely on kids to "keep it a secret"..if your child is aware of what is appropriate and what's not....they have a window to fight back or cry out for help.

I won't share my story, but beg you to actually research and explore the abuse of men. Many men of color walk around proud of a tragedy, saying things that sexually healthy people find absurd: "I lost my virginity at 6 to my babysitter." "It wasn't rape - it felt good!"

The body's response to sexual stimulation is impertinent to the whether the act is criminal. So many women have guilt over their molestations because they responded sexually (Oprah bravely discussed it on a show a few years back). Many women then deny themselves sexual pleasure to punish the abused little girl.

Men are socialized to regard their abuse as something to be proud of, which is why so many of them are so screwed up in general with women. A part of them knows they were violated, and they're making every woman pay for it by being emotionless, unloving, uncommitted partners.

Watch the DVD of 40 Year Old Virgin, and in the extras, there's a scene where the brother talks about losing his virginity at 8 or something, and the white dudes respond appropriately, letting him know he was insane for processing and presenting it that way. You could tell it was his first time facing that reaction. It's really sad to see.

Seriously, Ans, do a poll of dudes who "lost their virginity" to an older woman, and see how many received the support and therapy afforded to rape victims, or if they even see it that way. Just because society sees you as a sexual beast, you don't have to act that way, brothers. Slavery ended, didn't it?

I have never been raped but I have come so close and twice at that.

The first incident was when I was about 5 or so and there was a male family friend would just be a bit too friendly to me. It all came to a head when he came back from one of his frequent afternoon booze binges and proceeded to kiss and grope me. Lucky for me his wife walked in. She didn’t say anything when she dragged me out of her living room harshly except to tell me to never come back. Must say there wasn’t a look of compassion in her eyes as she spat those words at me.

The second time I was about 14/15 and I had gone to a school social with a cousin of mine. Our uncle was supposed to come fetch us at a specific time and being the stickler for time he was we knew we had to be by the gate waiting for him at that exact minute. For some reason he was late that day and I thought that maybe we misunderstood his instructions and he had actually parked further down. As we walked down to find him, a group of about 6/7 guys appeared out of nowhere and what happened next was a blur I just remember them saying that I was ripe for the picking (sorry don’t know how to translate it into English better than this) and in the corner of my eye my cousin (male) was knocked out cold and I was now being dragged towards the bushes as I pleaded with them to let me go. I remember that the one guy had me by my jacket and I was trying to unzip myself out of it but the zipper got stuck or maybe I froze don’t know. I was so in shock and so scared I lost my voice and couldn’t even scream. I was paralysed with absolute fear.

By the grace of God, police officers just happened to be passing by and noticed my cousin on the ground bleeding and came to a stop and the guys got scared and ran away. If it wasn’t for the that I can only imagine. I couldn't sleep for weeks after that and worst thing was my cousin told me not to tell so this thing was just eating me inside.

Although my experience was not the same as actually being raped it did scar me and at some point I blamed myself and questioned myself. Why did I make us go looking for my uncle when it was so dark, why was i wearing such a short skirt in a conservative country etc etc.

I don't think about it often but speaking about it brings chills. To those who have been violated in the worst way possible, I commend you on your perserverance and strength and wish nothing but blessings to come your way.

Yes to the molested part. I was three, she was a close friend of the family, a neighbor. And I do rewind at times those things. My memory at times precedes itself and I can remember my first steps, my first large cut (right toe, walking on Flintstone). My first gifts etc. In my years even prior to being an adult I have known and been with women who have had the unfortunates of being raped. I've always been able to tell for some reason if a woman I slept had been raped. Maybe, it's a certain act, or lack of an act or maybe too much of an act. Whatever it is, it sickens me beyond the understanding of cruel and unusual punishment for sex offenders. Perhaps cruel and unusual is what we need. I support torture for rapist. I hear there is no cure, but there is torture.
The other factor to that I suppose are people who've been raped (men) that continue that cycle or somewhere, someone didn't raise them to know that (still no excuse).
I have no sympathy for sex offenders, rapist whatever. I would and do support any law that punishes them physically. Put them on an Island and slaughter them. Put them to good fertilizer usage.
Sadly enough it's usually the ones closest to you or family.
My sympathies to anyone that's ever suffered that way. And if you do find yourself in that situation, go for blood.

Powerful Post!

When I was 15 I've gotten my virginity taken.... I knew I was not ready for sex but, we will call him "T", was an older boy by two years.....

Boy I thought I was going to play "Street Fighter II" but things turned to the worst......

Yuck!!! I was horrified my hyman broke and I was bleeding so heavy I wanted to crawl in a hole and die! I'm cringing right now.....

Years go by and I run into "T" I absoulety HATE him, I try to ignore him but he noticed me, he ran up to me and he apologized. "huh?" I thought. I guess Karma played into his life because he got sent to juve and must have had a reavalation on life, but anyway he wanted to express his sincere apology to me.. I was startled! I mean he took my virginity without my consent. I felt to dirty, so nasty, I thought I had the word "date rape" written across my chest.........I was at a lost of words.

I never fully expressed this before unitl now.....thanks NWSO for allowing us to vent and relieze that other women may have faced the same circumstance, and together we can "try" to get pass it or at least get a lot stronger

Thanks Again NWSO.........

WOW I can't believe this is the post I read today when I just recently told someone for the first time. Reading the other posts has brought me to tears and I am thankful for the revelations. Although there was never full penetration, my many advances led to early sexual activity.

I blamed myself. I was embarrassed and felt guilty because of the way it made me feel and stupid for not fighting back. My parents never talked about that sort of thing even when they caught it happening once. I passed on the scarring and I cringe at the thought of it.

Some friends, etc. that I know became isolated after such incidents and some tried to take back their power through sexual freedom. I took the latter route. Never expressing those feelings have led to quite a bit of confusion. For the longest time, I ignored it like it didnt exist and in parts of my mind it seemed to disappear.

I still have a lot to deal with since in hindsight it has affecting a lot of my relationships and still do.

Thanks for the post...it is therapy. Breaking the silence CAN break the cycle.

It boggles my mind to THINK that a grown azz man, teenage boy or other could view sexual activity of any sort--with a kid, as anything sexually arousing, anything appealing. I am baffled. This is not being 'freaky' this is not being a man, this is a hateful, despicable, cowardly act. The term "coward" was used when the topic of lying by men was broached in another days blog, on a different subject. THIS, however, is a real example of what being a coward means. I too would likely be eligible for prison were this to happen to my daughter, sister, mom--and I know about it. I say likely becuz I HOPE I would have sufficient restraint, to PLAN my assault in such a way that there were no witnesses, no sloppy finger prints...no trail of blood leading to my door...Somethings you have to PLAN..maticulously....so you have to be in control of your faculities. I'm all for revenge--but there's no sense in going to jail for failing to plan.......just a word to the wise...........

This made me cry.

Cause as a little girl I felt like I had nobody to protect me.My own mother left me with this man.And things could've gotten a lot worst.My younger brother loved me immensely and would've killed him if I had told.So i was thinking I didn't want him to go to jail.

It was so confusing...I went from a little girl to a grown up really, really fast.Something inside of me switched literally overnight.I lost my identity.

It's taught me to be compassionate and loving with my own daughter.To listen to her when she speaks and to give her a safe environment to grow up in.it's probably the single biggest reason why i haven't been in a serious relationship since i broke up with her dad....I just don't trust men around her.I cuss dudes in the street that say hi to her.It's not normal for a grown man to single out a little child to speak to in the street.Well...it shouldn't be normal.

My former step-father married a woman with 3 young daughters and I've always wanted to write his wife a letter and let her know what happened to me.This blog just reminded me it's time for me to do that.

I'm not aware if there's a sex offender registry in Barbados but his name is Walter Nurse.

Why should I be the only one living in isolation with this??...it's not fair.

I was gang raped at the age of 12 by a "friends" cousin and his boys all at least 10 years older than me ... i can say it has changed my life... i never told my parents, i tried to commit suicide ... as with some of the other women on here i delt with it by acting out sexually... i was the only one i knew in jr high havin sex... and up until maybe 2 years ago i was extremely promiscuous... i wasnt able to connect emotion to the act of having sex... and serious relationships, forget about it... i didnt think i deserved to be loved until i (or so i thought) actually found love... whole other story tho... now im slowin down and im seeing that i am a great woman... i am still kinda out there sexually, because i still have the thoughts that my body is all i have to offer im slowly working thru that issue... while i am still not ready to be serious with anyone for more then a few reason... at 15 when i was younger and dumber and wasnt aware of the things that i could catch from unprotected sex, i got pregnant with my daughter... she is 8 now... i only pray she never goes thru what i had to... so at 6 we started to talk about her vagina her personal space... her breast and in those words... i want her to know its not ok... i fear that i will bring the wrong man in my life and she will be hurt... ive cried b4 during and after sex... ive had guys ask me why sometimes i lie, tell them it hurts, sometimes i tell the truth... and it completley freaks guys out which is when i shut down again...

idk how its gonna work out for me but i am greatful that there is a man out there who instead of freakin out sat and listened... and thanx for the post its good to vent sometime

I have never personally been raped or molested but I have dated two girls that had the unfortunate experience.

The first girl had been raped by dude that she had been dating, the other had been molested in her early years by her own father.

My feelings towards the situation were a bit conflicted. I have always been very protective of women, especially my mother and sisters. So I felt like I should have been able to do something about it. At times I wished that I could have been there to protect them or "save" them from the offender. I often hear women talk about how "all" or "most" guys are after the same thing. And even in the the threads on this site, we (men and women) often generalize each other. I guess because of the stigma of men being after only "one thing", I felt responsible. At times it even made the relationships difficult for me because I became apprehensive about the sexual aspect of the relationships because I didn't want to be perceived as pressuring them into doing something that they did not want to do, or were uncomfortable with doing.

Even now I find myself being very cautious in the way I pursue women. It is difficult for some men because women want someone that is aggressive enough to pursue the woman, but I don't want to be perceived as someone that would violate a woman in that way.

I also have been put in an uncomfortable situation between two people that were both very close to me. One female friend accused a male friend of rape. I don't believe that she is a woman that would lie about it and but I never saw him as someone who would be capable of rape and he denies it. So it puts me in a position where I had a hard time figuring out how to handle situation. Who am I supposed to believe and be loyal too? Would she still see me as a friend knowing that I was close to the guy that she says violated her? Am I supposed to support this man in his new relationship (he has a baby on the way and is planning to propose)?

Rape/molestation is nothing to played with. It is not funny or acceptable in any way. I think part of the problem is the way we as men and boys are taught about sexuality. We are not taught to value our bodies and what we do with them in the same way that women are. I know that men are victims of rape and molestation and that there are plenty of instances of female perpetrators, but I think that if we were better informed and educated in this way, it may decrease the amount of rapes taking place.

@ Morehouse Man

I was in a similar situation uncomfortable in first year. After a drunken night I left the party early only to be told the next morning that my female friend had accused my male friend of forcing himself on her when she was blacked out.

It was such a shock to my system coz I was close to both and as far as I knew they were not the type of people to tell such malicious lies. She was adamant he forced himself on her and he was adamant it was consensual.

All I can say is I lost both of them as friends because I chose to believe her but she ended up hating me coz she blamed me for introducing them and being around me reminded her of him and he hated me for not believing him.

To this day I still wonder whether I handled it the right way.

@ Amaretta...I have a 21 year old friend that was sexually molested by various male family members...shes pursuuing charges at the moment.I gave here permission to text me or call me whenever...even if its 3am in the morning.I can't heal her wounds but I can support her by just...listening and not judging.

It should really just end...these molesters need to be outted...NOW .Call their names out loud.Let everyone know what happened and even if its too late to prosecute make their lives uncomfortable.

I told my cousin 2 years ago and she was molested by a neighbor...someone i remember very vividly as a child.I was so surprised cause I thought I was "the only one".We just kept it a big fat secret.

Everyone reading this should reach out to a younger relative and ask the question...in a way that isn't aggressive.Something like "if you ever need to talk about anything i am here for you.i love you and I want you to feel safe."

Cause I know if I had someone like that as a little girl...I would've told.No doubt.

My best friend holds me up when Ihave emotional break downs...which happens less and less as i get older.and I hold her up cause she took her case to court and won as a teen.It is a journey....indeed.

@ NWSO

The Greenwood Christian Center website is greenwoodcc.org and i believe that there is a website which allows you to search for encounters in your area ,but i will have to get back to you with that info

There are also Marriage Encounters which i failed to mention before

I was molested by a woman when I was 4 yrs old. I was lucky because I did not remember until I was years older. The woman was a friend of my baby sitter's daughter at the time. The biggest affect that it had on me was when I was pregnant, all of the feelings of what I felt then came flooding back and I started crying uncontrolably. It actually explained why I never trusted women. I have come through a lot and I am very protective when it comes to children, especially my four year little girl. I dont live my life in fear of something happening to me or my child. I am just very careful on who my daughter is with on a daily basis. As far as altering where I go at night, the best thing to do is be smart. Walk in lighted places and try not go anywhere at night alone. I have always refused to let what happen affect the rest of my life or anyone elses! I have written papers about the various things that women can turn into after this and this has helped as well. I am very blessed though, because my memories are just like bad dreams. The memories are not connected to emotions, until something major happens.

I'm a lucky one, molested but not raped, my best friend was not so fortunate. She's been raped and molested since she was 6 to 17. All by family members, she has only told me about it. She middle eastern so sadly not only would the situation be ignored, she would be blantly told that is was HER fault. On one occasion, when she was outside the country, she was raped (anal) so bad she had to be taken to a hospital for stiches....her mom and aunt took her in silence while she was in tears, never asking her what happened...SMH.how can you ever do such cruelty to a child?? And I agree with what was said earlier, the rapists should just burn in hell, and NO frankly I dont think they deserve life in prison. If it was up to me I would give the electric chair and let them starve to death.

Thank you for being brave and bold enough to post this topic! I feel that bringing it to peoples attention will make more people aware and begin to look twice @ things that may have otherwise been ignored. My son was almost molested by someone very close and I have a cousin that was molested at a young age by a close 'friend' of tha family. I am in the medical field and it is sad to see cases of rape and incest but u always have to ask 'How did this happen?' We have to take off the blinders and make our children aware that there are 'monsters' not the ones the see on tv in movies, but lurking tha streets or even living in tha same house, we have to have open communication and let them know to say something if it doesn't feel right to them, then we have to follow up on the hunches and feelings we as parents or friends get in these akward situation! Thank you again!

oh and I am also working to forgive that girl because I know for her to do that to me someone did that to her

Thank you NWSO!

In spite of my randomness and risk-taking personality, I have never been raped or molested or anything near that thank God, but after reading this, I wonder if my mother wasn't raped when she was younger...

I am very glad to say that my mother has always been upfront with me about sex and relationships, ever since my boobs started popping out and I was 10. I was already "wise" and informed even before I started paying attention to boys. Sex has always been an open topic with my mom. Even to this day, I have caught her several times talking to my 9 year old sister telling her: "Baby if someone ever touches you down there, you have to promise you will tell Mommy. Even if they threaten you or they tell you they are going to hurt you, promise you will always tell Mommy, OK? Mommy will always be there for you no matter what..." and my sister says "Yes I promise". It is so specific, I really wonder, I think I might ask her. In addition, every time I have her on the phone, she is always telling me about these stories, how she couldn't sleep last night because of this little girl on the news which was molested for 8 years, or this little boy was raped and it breaks her heart...

I won't go into detail, but i was molested as a child, by a family member who was notorious for doing just that. He was married to a beloved pastor in my family, and to this day i mix showing her the upmost respect with showing her the animosity i can't always hide when they (family) question why i haven't called here or why i didn't show up there. And they don't so much question my not showing up the past couple of years, as make it a topic of gossip. The fact that they will/have sit around and traded war stories about this man doesn't make me want to join in. If it was known, how was he allowed to keep doing it? ALL of the elder females in my family. Aunties and Mama a like. To get Freudian with it, i never really have EVER had a trust for ANY female. Not a natural one - it was always well earned.

When i was 16 i was assaulted one night while my mama worked. Night just like any one else, except this one was the last time i've really EVER been comfortable sleeping in a bed by myself. I woke up with a face in a stocking cap nudging me. Not a fat guy, but not skinny. Not tall, but not really short either. Honestly, it's cloudy to me. Always has been (God looking out). No gun, no real conversation, no movie shit. Just me and this guy in my Mamas house. Dark clothes. Shirt? I didn't remember. Pants? I didn't remember. I kind of wish he'd have been more... apparent. Does that make sense? Like, i wish i had actually known what the fuck this n*gga looked like, so that EVERY n*gga in the dark didn't look like him. Just non-descript enough so that i couldn't help the police much. My mama questioned me that night, about 2am, after she'd gotten off work, and never really did - ever again. The police did an immediate sweep of my complex looking for... what? A black dude? Ended up talking to an apartment full of some of my schoolmates. They never found anything, i wasn't bleeding, was going to the hospital and I wasn't really making much sense, so the police felt like they'd done as much as they could.

I went to school the next day. Why? I don't know, hell, i think because the alarm went off. I think i was kind of numb, still scared to death from this n*gga breaking my peace - out of my SLEEP. I don't know, i went. Should i have faked and NOT gone? I've aways been excitable about the little things and nonchalant about the big ones... it may have started around this time. Self preservation.

The guys who went to school with me who the police questioned? Well, by the time i was going to my 3rd period class, everyone knew. What did they know? Umm... one story was that i'd gotten caught in the house w/someone and told my mama i was assaulted. Another was that i'd ACTUALLY gotten assulted and blamed it on the guys from next door (who i loved to pieces by the way...) and now they were suspects. A lot of tales. And surely, i was "lying". It was a mess. Not just that day, but for a long while after, while i was there. I didn't stay long, explanation not necessary...

Remember the conversation i had with my Mama the night everything happened? Well she wasn't talking to me about it, but she'd been talking to my family about it. She thought i was lying. Why i would do that is beyond me, but she did. At 16 i was mature enough and had been in the house by myself at night for years while my Mama worked nights at a company she'd been at forever. I think there was a lot of resentment at the fact that she felt compelled to switch to 1st shift, w/people she didn't know.

I'd basically been taking care of myself and doing a good job of it. She'd be going to sleep when i got out of school and getting up when i was going to bed. We barely saw each other. I wasn't sneaking out. Didn't have to, hell, i had the house at night. If i woke up one morning and wasn't feeling like school, i just didn't go. She wasn't really questioning my choices. After that night, she worked days and was home evenings. Everything i did was suspect. Living how i'd BEEN doing it wasn't right, even though i'd been keeping her house running for years. She started acting like a mama, and it wasn't because she felt like one, she was making a point.

Eventually, we fell out and i moved into a place with an older friend of mine from the neighborhood (who was driving her mama crazy, too). HER mama got us a place in her name because I'd gotten a job, and she felt like i would calm her DAUGHTER down. It happened the other way around... and life went on from there.

I eventually DID calm down. Common sense says that eventually we grow up, so i'm grown, and i don't have a sob story. Just the facts and keep it moving.

Long story short, he didn't hurt me very much physically. What he did to my world, to my very peace of mind, is irreparable. He basically threw my whole course off. I've never blamed this man for my experiences, but i blame that night for leading me to where i was even physically present in certain situations. That's what men don't understand when they take the subject lightly. The aftershocks of a sexual assault are as painful (in my case, worse) as the direct action. But i really believe that all things happen for a reason. In the past couple of years, i haven't let my children deal with my family much. Sad but the older i get the more aware i become of the fact that some people are what they are, perpetrators or enablers, and if wrong isn't acknowledged, then whats to stop them from doing it again? I keep saying i will go to HELL OR JAIL for my kids, but we won't claim any negativity.

Quickly, end of story. Couple of years back, i watched a story on the nightly news about an escapee from a fairly local prison, who only had about 3 days left on his sentence. He'd been visited by a cold case detect. who told him he had him for (i believe) 3 rapes. That night, the guy escaped. Sightings here or there, they caught him in another state, turned in by family members.

I recognized him. I had NEVER seen him a day in my life. MY "guy" had worn a stocking cap over his face. I'd been watching the occasional news reports like everyone else, only vaguely interested. The day they got him, i recognized him. I did, i did, i did... God is good to me, y'all. I went on-line, found out who was running the cold rape squad. There was only one name. I talked to the guy for about 5 minute before he realized that one of his cases had happened on my street, w/one of my neighbors, within a month or so of mine. He called me back later on in the week to tell me they actually still had evidence. 15+ years later... Couple weeks/months later, they had a dna match. On mine and about 4 others, eventually. I wasn't even the youngest. He eventually got about 25 for mine and 35 total, cases combined. With all due respect to the ladies where the dna was too old.

I'm sorry about the long post, but you asked. I don't really talk about it. it's done, and God is good. Btw, i call him a n*gga all over this post because that's exactly what he was and is to me. A n*gga.

It really is important talk about rape and molestation because secrecy breeds it. I pray for protection day in and day out for myself, and all females from harm and danger seen and unseen. The movie Human Trafficking really brought to light for me how many women are raped and taken advantage of, i say cut if off with a dull saw. Guarantee he will never do it again!
Ladies and gents who have been taken advantage of, I pray that God helps you overcome your trials and that you give a lending air when someone calls

Is it just me or does it seem like 99% of the women here have been molested or raped before?

Wtf is wrong with this society? Here I thought not being molested/raped was the norm. But I guess I was wrong and I am actually one of the very few "lucky outsiders".

My heart goes out to all of you and I pray and hope that you can get over the pain, suffering and after effects. Also, I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. If more people were open about these things more and more cases would come to light, other people would get the courage to stand up and talk about their own experiences and as a united force maybe in due time society would make a shift into a better direction.

As for being late: that is crazy. My ex as well as his mom are known to be notoriously late. Every friggin day. Interesting theory!

The thing that messes with my head the most is how parents react. Ignoring it? Denying it? Calling the victim a liar and blaming her/him? Even punishing the victim? WTH!?!?! These are things I can't wrap my mind around. I just can't. I was raised with the mindset that I am and will always be the number one priority to my mother and father. No matter what I do, where I am, or what the situation is, they would always have my back and do everything in their power to support me in every possible way. Yes, I don't really have a relationship with my father. And quite frankly I don't give a fuck about him. But I know that if it really came down to it, he would break the person who messes with me into pieces - on every level. Same applies to my mom. She would fight like a lioness to protect her cub.

*smh* .. this is wrong, plain wrong ... on every imaginable level

WOW! This topic touch very close to home. Yes I was molested by two uncles, step-grandfather, and one of mother boyfriend. It started at the age of 8 and I was only in the third grade. This molestation has place a turmoil on my life growing up, because I had the lowest of the lowest self-esteem. I would go in and out of depression often and as a young child wet in the bed. Back in the late 60's parents didn't talk about things like that and didn't know that a child wetting in the bed is a sign of psychological problem. I was so scare to tell anyone and couldn't understand why family would do such a thing. My mother is decease and never got to tell her. But I will tell my Dad soon, and he might not take it to well because of being his brothers. A young child or person shouldn't have to go through such shit because of someone mental status. I went through 4 years of thearapy and getting better because I will not let this take control over my life anymore. My self-esteem is a lot better. These action can also cause two things: shut down from sex all together or sex all the time because you are seeking for love. I also have to work on trust issues as well, and know that it cause me to make wrong choices with men. I was in 16 year marriage that was very mentally toxic. I thought staying was my only option because like saying early looking for love. I was looking for it all in the wrong places. I was able to conceive a child, but never had anymore children because of the fear of this happening to them. I always kept a protective eye over my daughter. She is now 17 years old and will soon start college in Aug., and thank God nothing like this didn't happen to her. The biggest advice is to tell someone and seek professional help. Don't let this make you as a person, because note that you are better than the rape or being molested. God will seek you through the pain. The pain is horrible and if it wasn't for the grace of God I wouldn't have made it to 41 years of age. Keep your head up!!!!

This post and all the brave stories shared here overwhelmed me to tears. You all are such strong beautiful and courageous women. I'm always so amazed by what we as women can and do endure with grace. Thank you Ans, for your thoughtfulness/sensitivity and utilizing your space to allow us to share real talk!

I was nearly raped twice. The first time was in middle school by a group of five or six teenage boys. We were at a house party without adult supervision and I had been drinking. The boys thought they could take advantage of the situation but I wasn't as drunk as they thought. i went into one of the bedrooms with a boy I liked and we were kissing when the others came in the room. I think they planned it. They threw me on the bed like they "playing" lifted my shirt up over my head, pulled my breasts out and they were kissing me and trying to pull my clothes off. I threw a few punches and yelled for my girls and got the hell up out of there. I completely forgot about this story until just now. smh. (Now, remembering this, suddenly the fantasy of having men all over me doesn't sound like so much fun). I could hear them saying they were just playing as I left dazed and confused. I thought they were my friends. We were pretty tight. One said he was sorry. He thought I "liked" it. I forgave them but i couldn't look at any of them the same after that.

My senior year it happened again only this time I wasn't drinking. I had a headache and wanted to skip class and go home but I moved and lived 30 minutes away. I saw two male "friends" in the school parking lot and told them I just needed to lay down for a few. One of them was like "well if you come to my house you already know what's going down." I replied well I won't be going to YOUR house then. We laughed about it then and I opted to go to my other "friend's" house who I knew much better. We used to kick it but he was dating a friend of mine. I thought he would be cool. We played video games for a while, he gave me something to drink and let me lie down and things were all good. I wasn't even there more than an hour. Then out of no where he just hopped on me and started kissing me tryna take my jeans off. I was punching him in the head with with a closed fist with one hand and tryna hold my jeans up which he had unzipped with the other hand. He was using all his strength to take my jeans off and I was using all of mine to keep them up. I got really scared when he started shoving his hands down my pants trying to pull on my underwear. He was laughing too like we were play wrestling or something. I started to cry and told him I was gonna tell his girlfriend. That's when he jumped up, looking all scared. I was punching him in the head the whole time! What part of that did he think I was enjoying? I told his girlfriend the next day, a girl I had known for years who just weeks before she had nominated me for Homecoming Queen but she didn't believe me. She told everyone I was just spreading rumors that her boyfriend tried to rape me because I was jealous of her and I wanted her boyfriend. I didn't go to school for over a week and pretty irregularly until I graduated. I barely smiled in my homecoming pictures and didn't even bother shopping for a pretty dress. It was the emptiest feeling being doubted and having no one to protect or defend me. For a long time I felt it was my fault because I put myself in those situations. I still kinda feel that way sad to say. Even if I didn't make the best choices, i didn't understand why those boys felt they could just take what they wanted. They didn't ask. They all said the same thing. They thought i was with it. So I was cute. So I had a nice body. So I flirted, drank and partied a lot. So that meant they didn't need to ask?

I sympathize with men who are raped because i see the similarities. A woman might think just because he's a man, OF COURSE he wants it. What you mean you don't want it?! Ima put this pussy on you and you gonna love it. But no, a man's body and right to say no should be respected as much as a woman's. Either way, it's a major violation. I think i was lucky in comparsion to what other people's experiences have been. I've heard so many men say they lost their virginity to a older babysitter and they laugh about it. Do they really feel okay about that?

i commented about this topic some months ago regarding the poppa rollingstone thing; guess i was looking for a venue to release yet there wasnt a response at all to what i wrote.. eventually felt i wrote/said too much, however, looking at todays post it seems a lot women have a lot to say about it...

Intervention is how you handle a rape of a friend. That is what my friend did for me, several years ago in college. I was gang raped/ ran a "train" at a fraternity party. I was a freshman, straight out of the boondocks and didn't know anything. I trusted everyone. I was drinking this fruit punch that had fabulous fruit in it-little did I know that the fruit was soaking in Vodka. For a non-drinker, I was torn-up from the floor up. I didn't know what happened to me. All I knew that I was in the bathroom floor and the guys that I'd seen around campus and played Pac-man with were all in there. I was so drunk that I must have gone in and out of consciousness. But I could still hear and feel. My body went numb. I was on the bathroom floor praying that they would stop. I was way to drunk to even speak. To tell you the truth, I don't even know how I got back to campus. My friend, Sheron, must

Just recently i was raped by someone i though i was able to call my friends yes it was more than one. I was highly drunk and i had passed out in my room in my own bed. Not to long after i had felt someone on top of me. I was scared and i didn't know what to do i told him to stop. and i tried to put my cloths on but he over powered me. Shortly after he was done another one of my so called "friends" had came in and had raped me to. I honestly don't know how to get over it. many don't even believe me that it happened, but if you look deeply into my eyes you will see this story of a 15 year young girl. The girl who for got how to smile, and for got how to laugh. I don't want to let this take over my life but i honesty don't know how to stop it?