’Til Death Do Us Part (Is Love Really Everlasting?)
I noticed an older woman, who looked to be in her early 70s, stepping out of a cab the other day. For the sake of clarity, we'll call her Mrs. Jefferson. She appeared to be having a hard time getting out of the vehicle so I offered to assist her.
"Oh, thank you," she replied, warmly.
I took Mrs. Jefferson by her elbow and guided her out of the cab. Once I got her safely to the curb, I prepared to be on my way when she hit me with a request.
"I'm going to the church right here for a wedding in," she began. "Can you help me put my necklace on before I go in?"
"No problem," I replied.
The necklace consisted of a simple gold chain with a small diamond encrusted pendant. Taking it in my hands, I glanced at the tiny clasp and commented, "Oh, I hate these things. I always have a hard time putting them on because my nails are too short."
Oblivious to my attempts at small talk, or possibly in response to it, Mrs. Jefferson blurted out, "It's times like these where I miss my husband, George. It'll been two years this August since he passed."
I offered my condolences, but Mrs. Jefferson just stared off into the distance, while I returned to the task at hand. I guess we were in luck as I hooked the necklace in one try. Once the pendant was positioned properly, I asked if Mrs. Jefferson needed help up the church steps.
"Oh, God bless you," she replied.
Walking arm in arm, Mrs. Jefferson and I slowly made our way up the steps until we bumped into another wedding attendee, who led her the rest of the way.
Although my exchange with Mrs. Jefferson was brief, thoughts of her dearly departed husband struck a chord with me. Not only was it ironic that she would mention the loss of her husband moments before witnessing the nuptials of a young couple, but I began to wonder about the phrase, “’Til death do us part.”
I've often said that when and if I get married, I want it to be forever and to the best of my knowledge, Mrs. Jefferson and her husband George did too. Unfortunately, his passing leaves her to experience the rest of what was to be their forever alone. I wonder if she, or even the couple that got married that warm Saturday, ever thought about what life would be like when death caused them to part.
When people talk of living “happily ever after,” it usually conjures up images of growing old and grey together. Two soul mates journeying through life as one complete unit forever. Sounds nice but with age and time eventually comes death, which is a part of that storybook ending no one ever discusses.
Just the other day, my homegirl told me about a college friend who found her soul mate and after two years of marriage he was killed in an accident. Regardless of whether you’re 27 or 72, I know that the pain and heartache that comes along with losing a loved one is immeasurable. Still, I imagine it’s slightly “easier” for the younger widow/widower to move on. I mean that with all due respect and condolences for any who has lost a partner, but the fact of the matter is a younger person has more options than someone in Mrs. Jefferson’s position.
On the flipside, though, some could argue that a lifetime with your true love is far better than a shortened honeymoon. Then again you can liken that to the old saying, is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? At any rate, I doubt either scenario is something many think about when they’re tying the knot.
At 70 (give or take a year), Mrs. Jefferson is probably set in her ways. I have no idea if she and her husband had a happy marriage, but for the sake of this post let’s assume that they did. I imagine that over the years they had formed a tight bond and developed specific routines. She probably knew mundane things like how he liked his tea in the morning and where his favorite tie was, while he remembered simple things like her favorite perfume and shoe size. They were a pair. No matter how grown their kids had gotten or how many friends had come and gone; they still had each other. I'm sure that provided an unmatched level of comfort and security until death changed everything.
What once was an inseparable team is now a one-woman show. For all intents and purposes, I'll assume that Mrs. Jefferson has been mostly alone the past two years. She traveled to this wedding alone. She will probably leave alone. More than likely she lives alone. Very often she probably eats alone. When it's all said and done she'll probably die alone.
All Mrs. Jefferson has now are memories of her husband George. She no longer has her daily companion and soul mate to share their forever with. There are no more shared birthdays and anniversaries. No more conversations over breakfast or arguments over the remote. No one besides a kind stranger to put on her pendant as she enters a church to witness another couple make a vow to stay by each other’s side ’til death do they part.
Fin!
Have you ever had to cope with the loss of a loved one? How did you deal with it? Do you think it’s “easier” dealing with the loss of your soul mate when you’re younger or older? For the married folks, do you ever talk to your mate about how things would change if one of you would pass away? Do you think there’s a stigma against widows and widowers? Would you date someone whose husband/wife passed away? Would you have doubts about that person ever getting over the loss of their true love? Is it better to have loved and loss or to have never loved at all?
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