Rough Sex (Why Are Men So Violent Towards Women?)

0 Posted by - July 20, 2009 - Uncategorized


I realized something the other day; whenever people talk about sex they often use violent, aggressive and rough descriptions. Guys are usually the most guilty of this, but there are even a few women that fall into the same trap.

For example:

Hit it.
Beat it up.
Blow ya back out.
Bump & grind.
Get all up in them guts.
Hit the skinz (took it old school on y’all with that one).
Knockin’ boots.
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down.
Wax that ass.
Bumpin’ uglies.
Pound it out.
Break you off.
Diggin’ out the nappy dugout.
Tear it up.
Stab up the meat.

The list goes on…

On the flipside, the list of no-violent descriptions of sex is much shorter. In fact, all I can think of right now is “making love.” Let’s be honest, how often do people actually “make” love these days? Most times, love has nothing to do with what is going down in that bedroom (couch, kitchen counter, balcony or shower) at that moment.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a little headboard-bangin’-fuck-the-shit-out-of-you sex just as much as I enjoy those tender hold-me-close-and-let’s-cuddle intimate moments, but other than lovebirds and newlyweds, I doubt there’s much lovemaking going on in the wonderful world of single folks. It’s just a bunch of hittin’, scrapin’, diggin’, blowin’, breakin’, knockin’, bumpin’ and fuckin’. Call it what you want, but my thing is why do these descriptions have to be so violent?

I know it’s not something we think about often, but maybe we should. Some might say it’s a cultural thing where an aggressive society breeds aggressive language. Others could argue it’s just a way for one person to express their dominance over another. Whatever the case, the aforementioned words tend to put the men in the active position, while women are on the receiving end of the action. (No pun intended). Some women could care less and actually enjoy the rough talk, but there are a fair share of those conservative ladies that would take offense to anything that could be perceived as chauvinistic.

I remember having a conversation with my homegirl a while back about this very concept and she decided to take a more active stance in her sex talk. Rather than have the guy doing all the scrapin’ and diggin’, she enjoyed “enveloping” her man. It was a slight turn of phrase that put her in the dominant position. Not sure if that term will ever catch on, but at least it adds some diversity to the mix. At the end of the day, though, just because you like getting fucked every once in a while doesn’t mean you have to use fucked up language.

Is there a difference between making love and just having sex? What phrases do you use to describe both? Which do you prefer and why? Are most of your descriptions for sex aggressive and violent or do you use more tender words? Can you think of any other phrases that I may have forgotten? Other than “making love” how else would you describe that more emotional kind of sex? Do you think that the terms most people use for sex are sexist and chauvinistic? Or do you not care as long as the person can back it up in the bedroom? Would you rather be made love to or fucked?

Speak your piece…


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  • Brandon St. Randy

    You look at any of that femporn, women love the rough shit (at least in fantasy land). Some of the shit I’ve read on makes me blush. And look at the guys women go ga-ga over. For the most part, they tend to be hypermasculine, even violent dudes. I don’t know that it’s a huge surprise that “beating that shit up” is the commonly preferred description of the act by the young people. Hell, my homegirl who’s 28 was telling me about her ideal dude:

    I need a dude to punch me in the throat and tell me it’s time to fuck.”

    I shit you not. Vote for this man’s blog by the way.

  • mjc

    Yeah I think the ‘rough’ words we use are to try and alienate ourselves from actual feelings. Maybe it is a subconscious slur on love… or if we talk nasty we eradicate any emotional feelings…Personally I am a firm advocate of foul mouths and talking dirty with the person I care about as he is with me, but that is just our thing…there are ‘tender’ moments which result from hours of nastiness lol but I guess it is all about whatever works.
    Of course there is a time and a place for such talk too..trying to score in a club with lines like ‘I wanna gut you out so bad’ are not going to win many people that opportunity…
    But in thinking of other ‘cute’ terminology for making love…my mind is a blank lol

  • da ThRONe

    Who cares what you call it? Fucking could easily be called taking a shit or vice versa. I think the act of “beasting that pussy”(Add that to the list) tap into something that is primal and instinctive in us.

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    I must confess: I LOVE rough sex. The rougher the better. But not all the time. There are times when I wanna be held and made love to for hours; there are times when I just wanna have sex; and there are times when I wanna be thrown against a wall for some steamy, rough, no-holds-barred fuckin’. Well almost no-holds-barred: I hate having my hair pulled and being pissed or spit on. But that’s about it. Anything else goes when I’m in the mood. I wanna lick and be licked, scratch and be scratched, bite and be bitten, sucked and be sucked. Tied up, handcuffed, poured hot wax on…

  • Latsyrc41

    I pretty much use “fucking” whenever I’m referring to sex. I prefer “fucking” above all other terms…leaves no room for misunderstanding. :) I’d rather be fucked than made love to because of the primal instinct daThRONe mentioned. I like it rough (within reason of course…not trying to go to the emergency room afterward).

    Pretty much on par with distinguishedgentlewoman…except I love having my hair pulled, especially when…it’s going down doggy style. Grrrrrr…LOL.

    I have been known to use “Break you off” on occasion too.

    I think sex and love are two different things so I’ve never been quite sure what ingredients it takes to “make” love by way of sex. I know you can express love via sex, but actually create it? That makes “lovemaking/making love” my least favorite term for it.

  • luvr

    I got your legs spread all over the bed
    hands clenched in the sheets
    hair wild as hell I know
    the only thing on your mind is sexin me
    girl I can feel your temperature rising
    you should feel my nature too
    come on it’s gonna be a bumpy ride
    girl lets do what we came to do

    Girl when we make love all night
    when we make good love all night
    when we make love all night
    we really make love
    girl when we make love all night
    when we make good love all night
    when we make love all night
    we really make love (come to daddy baby)

    -just had to add this; this is my shit! hes getting the job done an we still makin love!

  • Yes Ma’Am

    lol@ Stab up da meat…wow took me back to my hookey party days. That was the song.

  • T1theinfamous

    stab up da meat? havent heard that one since middle school and i prefer to call it making music

  • 100K

    women love to get FUCKED

  • Elle

    Is there a difference between making love and just having sex?
    – Absolutely. Making love is only possible when an emotional bond is in place while sex can be had with a random stranger.

    What phrases do you use to describe both?
    – Making love is making love. I prefer to call “having sex” “sleeping with” or “doing it with”. I don’t know, I feel like I’m too old to use certain vocabulary outside of the bedroom.

    Which do you prefer and why?
    – I’m not the type to have casual sex. It just isn’t my thing. I hate being touched by strangers which is why I don’t get manicures, pedicures or massages and I avoid going to the salon for as long as my hair allows it. That in turn means I only allow a man into my personal space who I care for and have feelings for. In any other case I’m repulsed by the thought of kissing, let along having sex. I got issues, I know. Long story short: I prefer being intimate with somebody I’m in love with. Whether that is a long session of love making or fucking each others brains out in the back of the movie theater doesnt matter. In a relationship I can get both.

    Are most of your descriptions for sex aggressive and violent or do you use more tender words?
    – I mainly use comparibly neutral terms like “being intimate with”, “doing it”, “sleeping with”.

    Do you think that the terms most people use for sex are sexist and chauvinistic?
    – I never thought about it to be honest. But I’m not one of those bra burning emancipated women from the 70s so I dont assume chauvinism behind everything in society.

    Or do you not care as long as the person can back it up in the bedroom?
    – I dont care as long as the person truly loves me. The man I love and who loves me can call it anything he pleases. And it usually varies from occasion to occasion and from mood to mood. I’ve gotten my share of text messages during the day promising me to get my back blown out just as much as I have been told that he cant wait to be close to me and make love. It’s all about balance and moderation.

    Would you rather be made love to or fucked?
    – Hm, depends on what variables go into the definition of each. I can only repeat myself. The only way I’m gonna share that part of me with a man is when I’m in a loving relationship. And when true love is in place, I’ll enjoy both.
    If fucking merely stands for humping a stranger, then I can live without it.

  • MizzRenea

    I definately love the dirty talk. I believe it puts spice in the bedroom and keeps things fun. It lets you just let lose in a sense and be able to say exactly whats on your mind, and exactly what you want. I enjoy it because i can make a comment out of context while were just chilling and he remembers when i said it earlier in the bedroom lol… Also making love i believe is very very important but i believe theres a time and a place for it. I dont think you can honestly make love up against a wall or in the car (crazy places etc.) however i believe that you man should be able to slow it down and make love to you whenever ya both feel the urge. It makes all the rough sex that much better when you know last night he just made LOVE to the pussy and tonight he’s tearing it up lol.
    I also truely believe that a man naturally has some aggression and letting him take it out in the bedroom is extremly sexy and a huge ego boost for men.

  • MsGood

    Some times i feel like making love and some times i feel like str8 fucking… not only is there a diffrence in the words used its a diffrent feel to the actual act or at least my approach 2 both.

  • Cari

    It’s funny, when I first saw the title, I thought I was going to have to change my upcoming Thursday post because I thought this topic would be similar to my conversation with my friend last week. But low and behold I will not (whew). Now I must admit that I am guilty of the profanity and call it what it is. Is there a difference between sex and making love to me YES!. If I am not in-love with you then we will never actually “make love.” However, I believe you can be in-love and have a raw, animalistic fuck session and use all the aggressive sex words you know. I like romance but sometimes I need to hear a few curse words to get her juices flowing (pun intended).

  • NWSO

    @ Everybody

    But what’s the verdict on the language we use? How else do you say making love without those words? What other ways do you describe sex without aggressive/physical terms like blow ya/my back out, etc?

    I’m really interested in hearing people’s options for that.

  • da ThRONe

    IMO fucking is about hard, rough sweaty sex. While making love is more slower and softer with more kissing. I think there are alot more terms for fucking because its what most people prefer. Especially with so many of us watching pornos I think we lean more towards the rough dirty form of sex. Like I mentioned earlier I just think its in a mans nature to want to dominate and like wise its in a womans nature to be dominated. Sex is an event were we can give into those feeling easily and without regret.

  • Sunset

    It can be a turn-off for a guy to constantly use these kinds of terms. I had a recent situation with a guy whose coochie coupon had been revoked, and he kept asking me if I wanted him to “beat it up,” as though that was some sort of favor to me. I had to explain to him that, although I am no prude, and I’m into shit-talking, I don’t want to get “beaten up” all the damn time. Just sometimes.
    I like to use terms like “let you inside of me,” or anything ending with “inside of me.” I don’t know what category that falls under, but it’s a hell of a lot better than that overly aggressive stuff, and it’s a factual description of the sex act. I’m into facts. When I was in a relationship, I never said “make love”, we always said “have sex.”
    Overall, a mixture of aggression and softness makes me a happy girl. Just depends on my ever-changing mood.

    • nicole

      I actually love when my bf talk aggressive to me it sets the mood and we both get horny .but she’s write about depending on mood.sometimes I just want to cuddle and kiss on the couch when we txt he start saying I want to “beat u up” destroy u” pound that pussy or wax that ass.I love it so much. Rough sex is definetly me.

  • Dc Man with a Plan

    I must say this is a thought provoking commentary–for about a minute, then it’s back to the attitude: ” It really ain’t that serious.” While many of the terms you came up with CAN be viewed by some as either negative or aggressive descriptors, I think they represent creative language that has evolved over time as substitutes to represent the myriad ways in which non-baby making sex occurs. Think back to the day when SEX was supposedly only used for pro-creating, at least that’s how it was portrayed during the puritanical period, if such a thing could have existed. Personally, I think the reason prostitution is considered the oldest profession is bcuz MEN have been getting their freak on long before the average woman was aware of the pleasures to be derived from doin the damn thing. The fact that we ALL can get our freak on now, just shows how times have changed, thus the phrases and language used is more vivid bcuz it ain’t just about making babies anymore, now the secret’s out: This shyt is FUN and pleasurable, too! Back in the day, when women were just lying there in the missionary position and dude didn’t give a fu*k if she had an orgasm or not, the language to describe the act may have been more quaint and ‘gentlemanly’ sounding, but it was FAKE, one sided and STILL based on a man’s vantage point of wanting to control a woman by giving her romantic language to focus on, so she wouldn’t wonder how come she wasn’t having as much enjoyment as the man was…….I agree with Elle’s conclusion that making love and getting fu*ked are part of a normal relationship, depending on the mood, reason, etc,.
    As for the terms you came up with, some I never heard of, others are for use when GUYS (and maybe gals) are talkin shyt among themselves, others are funny as heck, while others I would never use. But there are a few I’m feelin fo-show….The bottom line is, between me and mines, what We agree to–works for us, what someone else calls it, and how they define it, works for them. We will never find an all inclusive, ery’body use only THIS term with this meaning type of climate….

  • Dc Man with a Plan

    Ok, NWSO…..I can see telling my woman I want to “pleasure you” if I wanted to describe making love in different words….I could also see using “lets make babies” to invoke a gentle, non-aggressive, calming type of scenario……..There aren’t MANY terms I’m aware of…but I really don’t think it matters…We just need to believe the words we use aren’t aggressive or negative in the context in which their being used. If YOU call my woman or mom a bitch–I’m up in arms and ready to fight, but IF I call my lady a bytch in the privacy of having sex–that’s a whole different context; If I call her a bytch walking down the street–that’s a FIGHT, and a whole different attitude I’m bout to witness bcuz of the context, location, environment, etc,.

  • Geoforie

    Sometimes I want it hard, sometimes I want to be stroked slow. Our moods change moment to moment. Naming it doesn’t matter.

  • Ashley

    i voted for you. i love your blogs and would die if i didnt have them to read everyday!

  • The Intellect

    @ DC Man

    I had someone tell me they wanted to pleasure me…I liaughed (not in their face) b/c using that term is putting a lot of perssure on yourself. Because if I don’t get any pleasure (which I didn’t) then don’t hype yourself up to just let me down.


    I think people use aggressive language to describe sex b/c in our society sex no matter how much it is pushed on us in the media is still taboo. We don’t feel comfortable using non aggressive words with each other because we have been programmed that way. Like you said, only newlyweds, married, or coupled up people are “expected” to make love and have sexual relations (thanks Bill for that term). The rest of us single folks are just supposed to fuck our brains out and use all the dirty talk that we want along the way. I’m not buying this, I think any healthy sexual relationship should have a mixture of rough and soft play.

  • Dc Man with a Plan

    lol @ The intellect…I’m not into hype…I just make it do, what needs to be done…I got testimonials to back up my shyt….lol…..buttterah, back to the point at hand……I do think there is a degree of validity to the notion that SEX is still taboo, for the most part, in North America. And a lot of that attitude has to do with the conflict between our puritanical religious narrative and the REAL world we inhabit. Theory is one thing, practical living another. But I still say if you refuse to “own” a negative view, it doesn’t impact you like it’s intended to do.

  • VirgoVida

    I like rough/dominant sex, and haven’t been able to get it like I want it. Gentle domination or aggressiveness is kinda like what I’m looking for. Either a guy’s too soft, like “Can I wash your hair baby?” OR He’s too hardcore and then I feel disrespected, like “B*tch let me ram my dick down ur throat”? WTF? Don’t call me b*tch jokingly, sexually, or seriously. Please don’t spit on ur “wang”, I’m a germophobe. Just be rough enough to let me know you’re in control, not kill me.

  • neo the one

    Our society idolizes aggressiveness all the way around… the early bird gets the worm- only the strong survive- grils usually go for the thug (usually the most aggressive in the classroom) in school- etc etc……. also we need look no further than nature…. the alpha male in most cases mates with the most females…. even though we are not a primitive species our instincts push us towards such things innately……. nothing wrong with that……but for women in their circles… they are taught that if he aint filling u up and wrecking shop then he aint doing his thing and eventually are hard-wired to feel that pain and pressure are feelings that are good ( similar to someone working out i.e. no pain no gain)….. so for it to be named or referenced to something gentle it would be what women ( not all but some ) want the least………… and hey lets face it…….. who doesnt like to beat it up and get best up once in a while……

  • Spinster

    Yeah, those terms bother me. Hearing them makes me think of violence, especially the term “beat/bash them guts”. An ex in (southern state) said that guys in his area say “smash” or “blast”. “Blast” makes me think of a heavy-duty drill going through concrete. Seems kinda painful. :-|

    But it’s probably just me, especially since people consider me “unique” anyway. So who the hell cares what I think. *shrugs*

  • Elle

    “Blast”? I dont know about that one either. Sounds more like I’d end up with a frigging bullet wound or my brain in a soup bowl cause a rocket launcher hit it.

    Not cute.

  • Spinster

    I have a strange feeling that men are the ones who made up most, if not all, of these terms. Glad I’m not the only one who feels some kind of way about “blast”.

    Blast. Geez. WTF. :-/ :-|

  • ladyaj

    When my man is in the mood he tells me “baby I need some lovin’ ” & I automatically know what that means!
    we talk dirty to each other at times and i like it rough sometimes, not all the time. He knows the difference between when I’m in the mood for “lovin” & when I’m in the mood for “fuckin” although we’ve never called it that, it’s having sex or babe let’s do it….


    Personally I don’t mind some of the language.. When my friend calls he always wants to “beat it up” but catches a very nasty attitude if I call and ask him if he could come “bang me out”. The nastiest he gets during sex is when he’s telling me to ” fuck him” other than that he wants me to tell him that I love him or that it’s his.

    Now as for name calling.. especially calling me a bitch those are fighting words whether or not we are doing the do… and I don’t mind hair pulling especially when he’s hitting it from the back but he already knows if he smacks my ass I will immediately turn around and smack him back. The thought of a man smacking my ass while saying give it to daddy creeps me out..

  • jay1

    in terms of the language i think there’s 2 ways to look at it:

    1. it’s possible that the reason why men have such violent euphemisms for sex is because of our primal need to dominate.

    it’s not enough to get the woman into bed, you have to destroy her in bed. you have to make her scream, she has fall asleep immediately afterwards out of exhaustion and dehydration, and she has to wake up in pain and have trouble walking for most of the next day.


    it’s caveman shit. we gotta dominate.

    i’m sure the right answer is way more complicated than that, i’m just saying.

    2. the other theory is that it’s just slang, and in general, violent terms equate awesomeness:

    “the roots ‘killed’ it last night”
    “i didn’t eat all day so i ‘smashed’ that cheese steak”
    “the knicks got ‘crushed’ by the bulls the other day”
    “I took shorty home last night and ‘beat’/’crushed’/’tore it up’ etc..

    that’s all.

  • bumblebee88

    Very often I don’t use words to describe sex, if it’s that good let your face do the talking.

    Here in England, we might use the word ‘shag’ for sex, it is not romantic in the slightest. Some people still use the expression ‘pressed’ or some youth like the word lash…..OUCH.

    I blame porn, poverty and a patriarchal culture for these violent attitudes to sex. It is not like our way of thinking can not be reversed though.

  • HoneyBee

    LOL @ “blast”. I’m sure most of the dudes using that term should change it to “trickle”. Blasting inside of me? I dunno about that. I personally don’t mind the dirty talk, but usually just during the act itself. Me and my man learned to use code phrases after an incident when I sent a text to his iPhone and one of his coworkers was using it to listen to some music. Needless to say, his coworkers give me a funny little smile when they see me, because I was pretty explicit. Lol.
    I don’t like the term “making love” because it just feels a little stilted to me. We’re both jokers, so we’ll “go half on a baby”, I’ll ask him if he can “come out and play”, or he’ll tell me he needs to get some “cardio exercise”. Whether it’s rough sex of smooth lovin’ is determined by both of our moods, but I’m not complaining either way.

  • CeeCee

    I’ve heard “kill that kitty” and “pound that pussy” neither one put me in the mood…and he whispered it in my ear….which made it yucky.

  • sweetsexxybrown

    Todays topic reminds me of an excerpt from Eddie Murphy’s Raw. I don’t mind if he refers to our sex play as fuckin. Cause that’s what we were probably doin. However, I’m not a fan of ‘beat it up’. It sounds like you gonna try to make my kitty look raggedy like some meat that was over tenderized with a meat cleaver (uuggh). Make love sounds so sappy. I sometimes refer to the act of sex as ‘gettin my face straight’ OR ‘sum’ ‘Girl, I can’t mess w/u 2nite. I’m about 2 go get my face straight.’ It works for me. Sex is an overly passionate, animalistic act. How it can some people not describe it in an aggressive way.

  • litrisha


    This is why you so deserve that award when you come up with topics like this! I love it!

    Ok now……umm I personally prefer both, fucking and making love. I’ve experienced both before, but it’s like most guys like to “fuck” and be all rough thinking that they have to prove something within themselves. I think that most of all that rough and egotistical sex comes from mostly the young men, while you leave the actually “REAL” lovemaking to the older gentlemen-that’s what I noticed. I’m not gonna lie it’s something about that rough sex that turns me on the most because I guess it’s just the idea of being dominated when it comes to sex.
    The not so sexy terms can be a bit much sometimes when guys start to talk and get their egos up………but hey I guess some guys need that to feel special. Ok so this may sound strange but I’d rather have it done to me than to hear it…..??????? Or maybe I just lost myself with that one-I don’t know! Anyway those terms are far from changing unless you get with a O.G. and with that said I’m finished with this topic.

  • Lois

    hmmm….I find it hard to discuss sexual topics. but I figure sex is referred to in such aggressive ways is probably because it was taboo for women to talk about sex. If a single woman was having sex in the not-too-distant-past she was usually considered a “hoe” so it makes sense that all the terms used to describe sex is decidedly male. (women weren’t discussing it)

    Why do you need softer ways to describe sex? What’s better than “making love”? How can you substitute it? Either you’re making love or you’re just F@#king. I think your quest to find gentler phrases is useless. If people who are having casual sex don’t like how it sounds, then maybe they should wait until they are in love to share their bodies.

  • NWSO


    It’s not that I’m on a “quest” for softer terms. It’s just I found it interesting that I could think of 20 terms for sex and they all fell under the aggressive category, but could only think of one for making love. I figured I had to be missing something, that of all the creative ways to say “fuckin” no one was as creative when it comes to “making love.”

  • Lois

    how can you improve upon perfection? Honestly, even if someone was creative enough to come up with a passionate phrase for sex that showed emotion, personally I would still want my lover (if I had a lover) to say “let’s make love.”

  • NWSO

    @ Lois

    I hear ya, was just looking for some evenness…

    Also, to just explore the psychology/evolution behind the aggressive language.

  • Ms_Philadelphia

    My 2 cents… I personally dont ever want to be fucked.. I thing there is difference but only in the persons mind. They are both the same act.. but its what you put into it ang get out of it that makes the difference…

    My fav term is “Lets be intimate” when the act doesnt involve actual feelings of love… “making love” will always be the gold standard for shared intimate expressions of love. Violent term are only welcomed with a shared familiarity of each other and understanding. Some softer terms include “stroke me”, “fill me up” (I guess that could be used 2 ways…lol). There are “softer” terms for other sexual acts.. i.e “french kiss me there” “taste my…” It really depends on your imaginations… just like the violent terms vary according to imagination…

  • Ru-Sel

    Um… Guess I may be a little aggressive! I prefer to get destroyed in the sack and use violent terminology for it. If I am not wore out than it needs to be repeated until I am! But, to answer one of your questions, I would love to be made love to and fucked… by the same person. I have had some softer sex where everything was touched/kissed/caressed and was out-freakin-standing!

    That’s my peace

  • Jazzy

    Very interesting observation! I noticed this as a teenager but…stopped noticing after that.
    How people talk about sex really does give you a wide-open view into their sexual habits/preferences. Any man who uses that violent language for sex doesn’t get a shot with me. It reflects his mindset about sex. And women who use it? Culture-washed. But different strokes for different folks (pun completely intended).

    My friends, lovers and I enjoy making up euphemisms for everything and the ones for sex are usually funny/corny/poetic rather than violent…

    I never had “single sex” so that’s probably why no violent descriptions in my vocab.

  • Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    IMO, making love is when you decide to take the condom off and “make” a baby. Anything outside of that is some form of fucking.

    When I have sex I want to be submissive 98% of the time. I like to be told what to do and how to do it… aggresively. So for a man to use a “pretty” word to describe what he wants me to do to him won’t cut it.

  • older & wiser

    Making love all day, everyday!

    All of the Old Skool songs refer to it as such and that’s what makes them timeless and classic love songs! They had panties thrown at them while on stage, remember? Now that’s how you get into them drawz! ;-)

  • FemmeLurker

    I think there’s a difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’. ‘Fucking’ can be placed in both categories though.

    I’m not the type of person who has one-nighters. ‘Having sex’ is the term I would reserve for those incidents, though. ‘Having sex’ is just that – having sex. I don’t feel that there’s any emotional attachment because the phrase reminds me of ‘standing’ or ‘sitting’. You’re just doing something, but there’s no real emotion…if that makes sense.

    ‘Making love’, however, is about emotion. And whether you’re going at it hard and rough, or slow and sensual, there’s still that emotion there for the person you’re sharing it with.

    I guess I could say, to me, it’s not about the actions taking place, it’s about the feelings that are (or should be) consuming your mind/body/soul.

    And I know there’s a little gap in my theory because you can indeed fuck someone without emotion, but I wouldn’d fuck strangers..I’d have sex (which could be rough) with them :P

  • paulette-BAJAN-gal

    For me there’s no difference.If my man loves me he better be “fucking the shit out of me” and often.It’s really up to the 2 people doing it.Who says he’s not screaming “baby your pussy is the best” in my ear while he’s fucking me doggy style and pulling my hair??…and cuddling afterwards.That is pure lovemaking to me.

    I have no issue with the name calling…it’s just part of bedroom language…so is the perceived roughness.I’ve never walked away so sore that I couldn’t walk afterwards….y’all fucking an amateur in that case.There’s an art to being rough without injuring someone.And there’s definitely an art in communicating with each other what you need to hear and feel while you’re having sex.

  • bogart4017

    A term we used to use for making love was “voyage to atlantis”. Its highly interperative.

  • da ThRONe


    I love the way you think!

  • MoHouseMan

    I think this is an issue that is unique to the two people involved in the act. I’ve had a girl tell me she liked it rough and others complain about their dude being TOO rough (“It’s not a jackhammer!” lol). I think my issue is knowing which girl is into what. Me personally, I prefer it slow and sensual. what you call it doesn’t make a difference to me as long as it doesn’t sound cheap or perverted. I feel like I can say “I wanna fuck” and still take it slow. But that’s just me.

  • Flavorist

    If you were going to turn a one night stand into an opera, how would it sound? What would you use as instruments and who would be your lead soloist? A lot of grunts and groans, with a few “ah shits,” light a cigarette and you’re done.

    I don’t think anyone is to blame for the terminology we use to describe sex. As a dude, I believe too much hardcore porn has distorted our views about what is acceptable behavior in bed, but language is not a reflection of a change in attitude.

    The raunchiest, neighbor-waking sex is a sweaty, sticky mess and that’s how most of us–men and women–prefer it. Sex is a primal, and we don’t need complicated words to describe something so *cough* deeply ingrained in our nature.

    Fucking, stabbin’ or beatin’ up guts are terms that most closely resemble a noisy lovemakin’ ballad. I always look for the simple answer.

    • Kempyfly

      For me, making love is about the expression of love through sex. Making love also indicates a shared experience. You are “making” it together. What is the it? The ball of energy that is created by holding back a little in order to keep sharing the experience. The two of you are negotiating and compromising (perhaps without words) in order to make both parties happy or feel pleasure or cum. Making love “to” instead of “with” is focusing the pleasure on one partner.

      Fucking, similar to making love, refers to the two parties both actively trying to receive and give pleasure but without the aspirations to create something as a unit. Now, if someone says “I want to fuck you” then I would assume that their intention was to be in control; hence they would be responsible for my pleasure as well as their own. I would also be responsible for my pleasure, but only my own :-)

      As for language used, mostly I think it is funny and probably comes from a lack of more subtle terminology as well as an attitude generally reflected in our society that sex IS dirty, crude and rude and therefor not be talked about. Some of it is so head shakingly juvenile that it is obvious to me that people are only talking to peers about sex and are not learning a damned thing from those with some LIFE experience.

      As for me, I love screwing, fucking, making love, riding it, burying it, being fucked, getting fucked, getting off, jumping up on, getting behind, etc………… Any way you say it it still means intercourse. The more creative and apt the description the more likely you will have your needs met by your partner and meet theirs. Otherwise, you might as well be masturbating.

      I use many expressions to

  • thagoddess9

    Did we all forget “bone” and “bonin”? lol

    I’m a freak in the best way, but I still get maaad bashful when my man tells me to say somethin! It was only a couple of times and the worst was “bust it wide open” I could barely say it, but he got it out of me. LOL!

  • Anonymous

    I love being dominated during sex including the dirty talk. Rough sex for me every time. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get it the way I like it so I have to use my imagination and a battery operated bf

  • John

    I’m a straight guy who loves dirty talk and a good hard screw. But I hate rough sex. Rough sex to me implies wanting to hurt a woman in bed. I’m all for taking the lead and having a great fuck, but I’m always careful and protective with women I sleep with. I hate people who get off sexually to abusing women.

    As for slang, words can have any meaning you want them to. Dirty talk in bed can be a lot of harmless fun if you don’t take offense at neutral words.

  • Dania McNamee

    Well m a girl even though i love to have rough sex with my partner.. i gives more enjoyment… m finding my sex partner from adultxdating having number of option there.

  • cc

    i luv romantic makin luv.n3va will my husbin spit on m3 or pull my h3 wuldnt dar3 call m3 a bych.h3 wuld run his fingas tru my hair wil3 w3 mak3 luv.un lik3 yall dum niggas hoo like fukin u dum cunt @!?#×$

  • unknown

    i love rough sex. i mean, i would rather have that over regular sex. it’s more passionate, and it’s hard. i think anyone would love it just as much as i do when you have the girlfriend i do. she loves it too. she’s the kind of girl who would push you away and bring you back and now afraid to bite or do worst. i love doing things to her and she loves it too. i dont know what drives us to that, but it makes it great…rough sex beats all, and my girl begs for it

  • rebecca

    i love rough sex i love it when a man take charge and fucks the girl hard and fast :Dxxx

  • kaykay

    ima girl just putting dat out there…i am still a vigin so i may not know what im talkin about but it seems like if im in pain the next day im not going to be very happy bout that…my boy friend know not to smack me cuz im smack him back..if he calls me somthinng i dont like i will walk away from him also…i am just not into pain, ill deal with it when i like fall but i wont inflict it intentialy…i guess that not entirerly true i like when he has a firm grip, of him gently biting or if he holds my hair by the roots while kissing(not pulling just holding)i also dont like when peeps say its in womens nature to be dominated…cuz not true..even though i know if a guy wanted to have his way with me i most likly wont be able to stop him although i will sertinly try my damndest…and i also know that i tend to fallow his lead in kissing..but that only cuzz i dont have much expereance….i guess what im trying to say is that i mind when he says he wants to ‘rip it up’ cuz it seems like it would hurt and when u say that i think that i would be like bleeding(i hate blood) and like oww! man, im still scared haveing sex will hurt(enough so that im still a virgin) though i know that he loves me and would never forgive himself if he hurt me(his dad was abusive to his mmom and hes terrified to be like his dad)this thing is getting to long soo im going to end it…i think ive said everything i wanted to

  • kaykay

    awww..this guy is sweet…guys listen to him:)

  • Monkeytrip

    Most of the words on the list are used in hip hop, hipster, etc culture, and they dont represent the whole male species.

    Mostly those rough sex are being influenced by porn of this era, which are circulating everywhere and it is a problem, people are behaving like animals without understanding to be human first. The world is being over run by high tech unsophisticates.

  • Hannah

    I hate rough sex except in the cases of some people like if they want physical violence

  • cathy

    I would rather be made love to absolutely, I couldn’t introduce myself as a cheap,toultry slut, who could be seduced in the most vile, undisclose, inappropate ways that would be too dangerous and so forbidden! Although there are exceptions to the rule, maby i am a little bit more interested? It could very sexy, of course it has be tastefully done!

  • LegManR

    Well, let’s not confuse being assertive, dominant, and macho with being “violent”. Men who are violent with women are usually repressed, brats, or motherless scum with issues, jail candidate type issues for that matter.

    Yes, when we see a hot woman a pleasurable and predatory sense kicks in but it’s a sexual masculine drive, it’s not anger (far from it). It is our pleasure to protect, impress, provide, earn, and please women as men.

    Now, if you are with a man who do not feel this way, then I have a feeling it will not last no matter how good you may be.

  • John

    Having a Session. Is what me and my girl call it most of the time.

  • Tell it Like it Is

    One reason why American men are “tough” and rough – they had 75% of their sensitive penile nerves cut off at birth (circumcision) so by age 30 they feel very little. Scientific studies of the sensitivity of cut versus uncut penises show that ALL the most sensitive portions of the penis were “ablated” with circumcision. By age 40 or 50, forget it. Rougher and rougher to feel anything. It is a great American tragedy – the problem with no name. Watch videos with men who have foreskins – they can be gentle. If a circumcised man moved that slowly (unless he was very young) he would get flaccid from lack of sensation. :(