I Can’t Date Her, She Has My Mom’s Name (It's Like Incest)
The other day I found myself in the midst of an interesting conversation with my boys Steve and Anthony. At some point Steve asked Anthony what was up with this girl they had met at Prospect Park last weekend.
“I can’t talk to her, son,” said Anthony, flatly.
“Why not,” asked a bewildered Steve.
“Her name is Jessica,” said Anthony.
“What the hell does that have to do with anything,” said Steve, still confused.
“That’s my mother’s name,” said Anthony.
Dead silence.
Then, in unison, Steve and I said, “Oh.”
Although he was attracted to Jessica (not his mother), Anthony was uncomfortable with the prospect of dating a woman that had the same name as his mother. I mean, who could blame him? Imagine Anthony being in the throws of passion and yelling out, “Oh, Jessica,” only to have a image of his mom’s face pop up in his head. Ewww!!! It’s not like Anthony goes around calling his mom by her first name, but it was a risk he’d rather not run.
Another issue was if things got serious and they got married. Jessica (the future wife) would then have the exact same name as Anthony’s mom. I’m sure someone somewhere could give a rat’s ass about dating someone with the same name as a close relative (hi, Da ThRONe), but I don’t know if I could be one of them. That just sounds way too confusing and awkward for my liking. It’s almost kinda-sorta like incest.
Thankfully, I’ve never run across any romantic prospects with my mom’s, sister’s or any other female relative’s name. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I did, though. I mean would it really be that bad if Mrs. Naked With Stockings On and my mom shared first names? You know what? Just writing that made me shudder because the word “naked” and my mom should never in the same sentence ever! I think I have my answer. Sorry, any women with the names Juliette or Kristen—or anything remotely close, just to be safe—are automatically disqualified from my list of possible soul mates, but Shaquisha and Bonitra are still in the running. LOL.
Could you date someone with the same name as a close relative? If so, would you give them a nickname to cut down on any awkwardness? Would it freak you out if they were talking dirty during sex and told you to say their name? Do you think the whole issue of same names is silly? If so, why? Have you ever dated someone with a name you hated (i.e. Buella or Egon)? For the ladies, would you hesitate marrying a man that had a horrible last name? Or would you choose to hyphenate? How much does a person’s name matter to you when you’re dating?
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Are you serious? You would turn down a perfectly good candidate(when their so hard to come bye) just because of her name? I can understand there being some weird feelings but I never call my mom by her first name anyways. Its either moms or Big D. So if I did meet a female named Debra I would just make up some named for her probably Lil D(I dont do big girls) and all will be well with the world!
“I don’t do big girls” LOL.
I totally understand where Anthony’s coming from… that would be a lil weird (total mood killer) but that’s what abbreviations and nicknames are for.
I do happen to think names are important though. I will certainly be keeping my maiden name if I get married. I like it too much. As far as I’m concerned if you love me deal with it.
This sounds like over thinking. So, you’re saying you would miss out on a really great person, possibly “the one,” simply because they have the same name as your parent? smh
I’ve thought about this too… Not about someone having the same name as my father but my brother’s name is more common so i’ve thought of that & it would definitely be a no go for me. Wayyyy to awkward, a nickname wouldn’t suffice because any nickname would still be one that might work for my brother’s name… & now that i’m thinking about it, even if the nickname wasn’t anything similar to the actual name I would still know.. It’s just all around awkward, you’re not alone with this. What if you were out to dinner & he had made a reservation, you go in they ask what name it’s under? It’s definitely not under “Big Daddy” lmao…
Could you date someone with the same name as a close relative?
- I dont have too many close relatives. So the only options would be my “dad’s” and my brother’s name. Hm, I never thought about it but it could be weird. Depends. Maybe, maybe not. What is a much bigger turn off than a name is when certain physical traits resemble my father or my brother. Now THAT is a turn off.
I was once talking to a guy whose mom and grandma had names which were similar to mine. Opposed to you and your boys he thought it was cool and figured it’s a good sign of me fitting right in with his family.
If so, would you give them a nickname to cut down on any awkwardness?
- Probably so.
Would it freak you out if they were talking dirty during sex and told you to say their name?
- While I talk dirty, I dont think I have ever said anyone’s name. It’s just something I find corny and most likely won’t do – ever.
Have you ever dated someone with a name you hated (i.e. Buella or Egon)?
- Not really. BUT (u knew there would be a “but”, didn’t you) I was in a relationship with a man who had the same first AND middle name like an ex, an important ex, not just any old guy I went on a few dates with. And they were both born in the same city – which was weird because both relationships were long distance ones. That was rather spooky at first and maybe it still is. I have experienced true love twice in my life and both men have the same name and birthplace. Typically my life!
For the ladies, would you hesitate marrying a man that had a horrible last name?
- Nah, if he’s the one, I’ll carry his name proudly. Unless he is trying to get rid of it and wants to take over mine.
How much does a person’s name matter to you when you’re dating?
- Not much at all. I am already way too picky when dating is concerned. If I was to pay names any mind I’d end up old and alone with a bunch of cats.
lol….This is kinda funny but I understand where you’re coming from. My sisters and mom have such common names that it would wipe out a wide number of potential mates…Nicole, Catherine and Karen? WTF, are U kidding me? lol…More importantly, I have never viewed it as an issue though I do not recall dating anyone that happened to have those names as their first name. I actually think my mom would find it cool if I dated a woman with her name. Kinda like instant bonding. But what’s next? Y’all gonna rule out persons with the same birth date or zodiac sign as your family member? I mean where does this thing stop? lol….As someone stated earlier, I don’t call my mom by her first name so I don’t think of her by her given name: We’re not friends or associates like that and I don’t see any problem in mentally separating family and romantic interests into distinct regions of the brain……
I can understand it, I dated a someone who had my mothers name but don’t pass a person up for that. It was really interesting was me and my ex’s father had the same name so I would always say whose your daddy?
Maybe this is more of an issue for men than women. Why does the name even matter? If you’re completely into the one you’re with, then the name is the last thing that should appear as an obstacle to a progressive relationship. Finding happiness is hard enough- you want to discredit based on name? How about discrediting based on personality mismatches, damaging personal habits, etc?
I guess it would be a bigger issue dating a person with the same name as an ex- that would provide some confusion, moreso than having my dad’s, cousin’s, uncle’s name.
i fortunately have never been in a situation where someone i was interested in had the same name as my dad or brother. whew!
i’m not entirely sure how i would react. i don’t think i would rule them out based on their name alone. luckily they have names that aren’t very common, though not entirely unheard of.
i’d probably be more adverse to dating someone who had the same name as the person who broke, tap danced, river danced, break danced, had a monster truck rally and ran over my heart a thousand times over. dudes with that name are out of the running from jump. lol.
lmao @pkasso ….whose your daddy? LOL! now u were really tryin to fug her head up huh? haha!
I have never came across a Robert(dad) but plenty of Kris’s(brother) a long the way. Most guys named Kris they spell it Chris, so that kinda makes it different.
Could you date someone with the same name as a close relative? If so, would you give them a nickname to cut down on any awkwardness?
i think i could, i always come up with nicknames and would never pass up a lover just because of what name there mother picked out for them.
Would it freak you out if they were talking dirty during sex and told you to say their name?
lol now this is weird. If i met a dude named Robert and he was like say my name BIATCH! i would start laughin during the thing…so NOPE could not do a Robert at all….would make me think of my ma N pa.
For the ladies, would you hesitate marrying a man that had a horrible last name? Or would you choose to hyphenate? How much does a person’s name matter to you when you’re dating?
Name really does not matter that much to me. I can say that a unique name turns me on for some reason! lol! like Prince for a guy or something different makes me look at them like mmmmmm…. lol!
If i am in love and that man ask me to marry him even if he had the last name Buttlicker….i would do it! I am kinda old fashion when it comes to things like that so i would def. carry his last name with pride!
@pkasso
LOL. you a fool for that “who’s your daddy” bit. I’m sure that didn’t go over too well
i haven’t come across a potential mate with my dad’s name, kwame. lol, not that many africans around. but anyway you could stretch this topic to include ex boyfriends and girlfriends. i will never date or even consider getting to know another “ken”. it was the worst relationship& really hard to get over. we haven’t had any contact for about a year or so. but sometimes i think i should call him, in some sort of attempt for closure….anyway, a couple of wks ago, this fine boris kodjoe look alike dude approached me at a lounge. real gentlemen too but all that charmed he laid on me dried up as soon as he dropped his name, ken.[pun intended, i was already picturing things i would do to this man. lol. ugh he was so fine]. i was immediately turned off. of course my girls told me i was trippn but when i really think about it, i did him a favor. if things got serious, i probably would’ve blamed him for things the first ken did…. but damn though, why did he have to be a 6′3 boris look alike. lol
another one bites the dust.
Great, now this is weird. I’ve never thought about this (my ex for 4 yrs had the same name as my bro) but now you bring it up. Why, NWSO, why?!
Lol but no, even with that, it wouldn’t bother me. Why? It’s just a name….
This is so funny. I dont think I ever thought about what it would be like to date someone with my dad’s, or mom’s, name for that matter lol. I would definitely have to give them a nickname to cut down on mt seeing my mom’s face every time I thought dirty thoughts about my girl. LOL. I don’t think it would freak me out too much if to say her name during sex. Its not really that serious to me. Its surely entertaining to think about but I wouldn’t rule out a prospective partner bc of their name. No I haven’t dated anyone with a name I hated. LOL I did have a homie named Toussaint and the day we me I was like “DUDE! We HAVE to get you a nickname!” MY boyfriend’s last name is Williams and I don’t wanna take it bc it’s so generic. I think I’m gonna hyphenate. He doesn’t agree though.
@karate kafui
Let it go! Having had a girl do the eletric slide on my heart I can understand how something as small as hearing the name can make you cringe ,but the worst thing you can do is let that person continue to have a negative impact on your life. Besides she is no longer her name she is forever known as “That Bitch” so I could date a girl with her name.
To me it would be awkward especially if she has characteristics similar to that relative. I’ve never been in that situation. I’ve never dated anyone with a name that I’ve hated. They’ve done things that I’ve didn’t like. I tend to accept a person for who they are and not a name.
As far as expecting a female to change her name. I think its kinda sexist ,but I do like what it represents. I would never expect my wife to change her name or hyphenate. Personally I think hyphenating is dumb. Either just keep your name or take his or hell make him take yours but to add another name defeats the purpose IMO! Not having the same last name doesnt make you anymore or less compatible, in love, or married!
I couldn’t date someone who had my father’s name, not because of them sharing the name but because we would share the same name as well. I have the more femine form of the name James and dating someone who’s name is close to mine or even my own since my name can be both for men and women would be a no go.
You know how hard it is to find somebody that you are compatible with mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, and emotionally(and for some of us financially)? Im surprized that anybody would be willing to just toss it all away based on a person’s name SMH.
I dont think it plays that huge of a role. If I hate the name that much I am sure a nice nickname would be a solution…lol
I could see it being a little awkward hitting it from the back tombout “Take that, (insert Mom’s name here) but again, that’s why people have middle names and nicknames
I highly doubt I will meet a guy named Alfredo (dad) or Carlos (brother) that I have a romantic interest in, but if I do, oh well! My problem seems to be with men whose names begin with the letter “J.” My exes: Jake, Jevon, Jeff and Justin.
Most people have nicknames anyways, so does it really matter?
I would change my last name if I were married, regardless of how horrible the name.
LoL..guess I’m one of the few who’d date somebody with the same name as an ex.
I admit at first it freaked me out and I wondered whether this was a qood idea simpy because I had no idea how it would make feel in the long run. Would I always be reminded of my ex? Would old wounds be opened up?
In retrospective I can say I’m glad I didn’t let such a stupid detail stand in my way of finding the most wonderful guy in the world – well my world.
wow what a douchebag move… why would someone turn down someone becuase they have the same name as their mom? i could never. maybe if they LOOKED the same (yes, i’ve been in a situation where the person looked like my older sister…couldnt do it)…other than that, they might be missing out.
besides, mother knows best right? lol
I have to admit someone by my father’s name gives me pause, but I would not dismiss him.
Besides, my dad would be THRILLED. He thinks it’s the greatest name ever spoken…
I think someone else mentioned this, but I think what would be more horrifying would be an usual last name. “Lonias Schulermeister” Come on!
that’s super funny. my friend dumped his chick because she had the same name as his mother, and my boy was named after his father. i thought it was ironic….he thought it was uncomfortable
Not only would I date someone with a family member’s name, I HAVE dated someone with a family member’s name.
Me: …and your name?
Her: *Says name*
Me: Really? How do you spell it?
Her: *Spells name*
Me: Interesting. Did you know in *Language* it means *Meaning*?
Her: Wow, no one EVER knows that.
Me: 1 You over-thinkers: 0
dating a woman with my mother or sister’s name would just be a little too weird for me. just hearing those names are an instant buzzkill for me
Although my name is very very common I have yet to meet anyone who’s mom was named Kesha.. There are billions of us out there. I have never dated anyone with my father or brother’s namek ( Robert ) or my stepfather (Calvin ) but I think it might be a little wierd. I did date a guy who I only knew by his nickname because he didn’t really care for hid gov’t name. After about two and a half weeks he finally told me his name. He had the same exact name as my uncle ( my father’s brother who happened to be a jr). Oh did I mention it was not just the first but last name also.. That was definitely cause to stop seeing him..
I wouldn’t have a problem with dating anyone with my dad or brothers name but I would never ever date anyone by the name of my sons father. He was the 2nd James I dated and the 1st was cool and didn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth but the 2nd, wow lets just say it would be hard for me not to judge him fairly because of his name. I’m done with anyone with that name. However his is a super dad I have to say but he’s like an artificial sweetner…definatly leaves a bad aftertaste.
@ tha throne
my little heart can’t take another hit right now. i dont give myself whole heatedly to men, not to say that i can’t commit, just that im keeping a look out for the other shoe to drop. but for some reason, mr no good ken blind sighted me. its hard to get over a heartbreak you didnt see coming. kind of made me develope other pet peeves when it comes to men. im only 21, so give me extra time throne.
but thank you. you’re right, i shouldn’t let those negative thoughts rule my life.
@karate kafui
Take your time! “That Bitch” name was taboo in my household for years and still kinda is. But if you do meet another Ken dont just dismiss him. He might redeem the name single-handedly!
Umm, names don’t matter that much to me, but I did have a friend that liked me and his name was HERBERT……LOL Wow, he was a cool cat though, but his name was not that great. If someone that I was dating or getting to know had the same last name as me……now THAT would raise an eyebrow! If I didn’t like their first name I would ask them for their middle name and if they didn’t have a middle name then I would proceed to the last name AND if all else fails I would think of a name to call him relating to his stature or personality and I could be very creative……LOL
This is definitely a no-no for me…. I can’t even consider dating a girl with the same name as my ex girlfriend(s) let alone my mother’s. AWKWARD!!
I have dated men with my brother’s name, it’s so common Sean, so whatever, either way it doesn’t bother me because in the end I know who I’m shouting out and it’s not my bro…..
Guess I should be happy my name isn’t common!
Really?
Um, nickname anyone?
Sorry hon, he’s just not that into you…
I have no problem dating a man with my father or uncles’ name since they were not very active in my upbringing.
I once dated a dude who’s last name was Roach . . . . you know I was keeping my last name if we got married.
@ da throne.
haha. i dont know about redeeming that name any time soon. my trust in men in general warrants more attention.
@karate kafui
People suck of all races and gender! Just learn to screen your future prospects better thats all.
Having moms name sucks! the thought of Gloria being my girls name while giving her the business is crazy to me. lol
I have a son.. and I wouldn’t even think twice about dismissing someone with his same name… Your right.. its jsut weird. My dad also. Its too much of a reminder… or something…
My face is frowned up now just thinking about it… and as for them possibly being “the one” for me… My perfect guy would be just that.. perfect for me… meaning his name is perfect for me too.
@ da throne.
you know, im starting to like you. some of your comments in the past came off a little.. well harsh and outta left field. but i can dig you now. haha
@karate kafui
Insanity and ingenious are closely related!
Wow i have the same prob. My lil cuzin has a crush on me which is totally incest i agree…its so freaking creepy… Any ways his name is Chance and i have a crush on him. But also i dont want to be saying… “oh chance your so hot. ” its just weird. Bye xoxodesioxox
Once when I was staying a few months in Mexico, a girl there I dated told me her name was LOW-rah (first syllable rhyming with “now”). I just called her that and didn’t even think about how it was spelled. Oh, she was so cute and we had such a lovely relationship, usually having sex twice every day, and then once when she wrote it down for me, I saw it was spelled “Laura” — and that’s my sister’s name! As soon as I realized that, it just killed the whole thing! I couldn’t even call her by her name without it making me think of my sister, and then making it seem like incest. It was just awful. I had to go a month or so later, and then it ended. We might have fallen in love, but that just put a pall over the whole thing.
I actually found this site through a random google search while I was looking up what to do if I marry someone who’s mom has the same name as me. My fiance’s mom has the same name as me, but that hasn’t presented a problem at all for him. I’m waffling between honoring the tradition of taking the husband’s name (which I always figured I’d do) or to preserve my last name as a way to differentiate between the two main ladies in his life. I guess I’m leaning towards keeping my last name to keep my father’s name going (our family tree ends with my sister and me…and she took her husbands last name). I’m going to show my fiance this thread and see what his thoughts are about being engaged to someone who shares his mother’s name.
This makes me glad my mom’s name is Darla. You’d have a hard time finding a woman much younger than her with that name.
I am currently dating a girl with the same name as my mother. It is kinda awkward, especially when she met my extended family, but I deal with it. She’s a good girl and her name is no reason to dump her.
Hi, I found this post on a google search as well. I’m i a dilema because I just started seeing a guy who I’ve been friends with for well over a year, who i think is really great, but his name, surname and his birthday are the same as my dad’s! This wasn’t really a problem for me until I mentioned it to my brother who now thinks I have “daddy issues” which I’m pretty sure I don’t! I know I shouldn’t care what other people think it’s just a really weird situation to be in. I’m still young and it’s not like I’m ever going to marry him. I just don’t know whether it’s too weird…God.