Am I Too Old For Hickies? (It’s Just a Love-Bite, Baby)

0 Posted by - July 31, 2009 - Relationships, Love & Marriage


If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll already know that I had a pretty long week but I made it through to blog another day. During the course of my tri-borough trek from Brooklyn to Queens to Brooklyn to Manhattan and back to Brooklyn—which started at 5am mind you—I got the opportunity to people watch.

One thing about working from home now is that I don’t get to observe people in action as much as when I was commuting back and forth to a 9-to-5. It was in those 45-60 minutes of travel time that some of my ideas came to me (Remember Brooklyn Shabba?). On Wednesday, one of those people that inspire an idea just walked onto the train and sat down right across from me.

I was going on four hours of sleep and trying to catch some shut eye in between train stops. I forget where I was along the line when he got on, but there he was and there it was. Is that a…? No, it couldn’t be.

I rubbed the cold from my eyes to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing, and sure enough I was. This grown ass man was sitting across from me in a black wifebeater with bright purple hickies on his chest. Word to Little Shawn.

I couldn’t believe it. Dude had grey hairs in his beard and looked to have at least four decades of age in his face, but there he was like a junior high all-star showing off his passion mark necklace.

By the smug and cocky look on this man’s face, it was clear that you couldn’t tell him nothin’. He got some last night (or a few nights ago) and was damn proud of it. I’m not knockin’ homie’s hustle, but isn’t he a bit too old for hickies?

Then again, maybe he couldn’t help it. I’ve never purposely set out to give a woman a love-bite, but during the course of my travels a few have been discovered the morning after (whoops!). Some sisters just have sensitive blood vessels and lighter skin than yours truly and unfortunately I can’t relate. As a dark skinned brother, I’ve never been able to get hickies. Trust me, people back in the day have tried to no avail but I always gave them an A+ for effort.

Maybe homeboy, who was a light skinned Spanish fella, just bruises easily. Even still, I got the sense that he got off on having hickies on his chest. I mean, it was a hot day in the city but it wasn’t that hot to be wearing a low-cut wifebeater. I just think he wanted to show folks that he still got it in. Or maybe he didn’t even realize he was flashing his passion marks (doubt it).

Whatever the case, his lady friend sure did a number on his chest from what I could tell. (I wasn’t staring or anything but the purple spots stood out against his pale skin). She may have just been caught up in the moment, or she could be someone that literally likes to mark her territory. That was cool in high school, but I figure there comes a point where you grow out of that and realize hickies just suck.

How old is too old to be having hickies? Have you ever “accidentally” gotten or given a hickie as an adult? Were you upset, embarrassed or didn’t care? What would you do if your kid came home with a hickie? Would your reaction change depending on whether it was your son or daughter? Why or why not? Did you ever get in trouble with your parents for having a hickie? When was the last time you got a hickie? How hard was it for you to remove? Do you remember your first hickie?

Speak your piece…

How to get rid of a hickie PLUS video instructions.


  • bumblebee88

    I bruise like a peach. The last time I had a hickie I looked diseased. Not good. Colleagues wondered why I had a scarf on in warm weather. Embarrassing. My man seemed to get off on it though.

  • da ThRONe

    Hickies were whack even when they were cool. Maybe because I never really received many ,but really why are you sucking peoples necks that damn hard. The only place on my body I want a hickie I cant get one! :D

  • da ThRONe

    I cant believe they also listed some lies to explain your hickies. The only thing worst than being a grown person and letting another grown person brand you with their mouth is lying about it.

  • NicoleJvon

    It has been quite some time since I had a kickie and I’ve never liked them. I bruise very easily so even if my man is kissing too hard I cut him off. I don’t care how old you are, they just aren’t sute at all.

  • This Bug

    My father found a hickie just below my collarbone when I was 15. I successfully hid it for 3 days and he caught me leaving the shower- wrapped in a towel. All I can remember him saying was, “Women 25 years old aren’t doing what you’re doing!”

    I can recall thinking “Women 25 years old are probably doing alot worse than getting sucked in one spot for too long.”

    After High School, you’re too old to be brandishing evidence of any intimate activity. It’s a tad immature to me and reeks of insecurity on either the giver or the recipient’s part. If it happens by accident in the throes of passion…like say a rug burn you can’t hide- that’s something different.

  • TAE

    the first and only time i had a hickie, i was like 15. I had snuck out my window to go chill with this dude and he sucked the hell out of my neck. Not putting two and two together I came back home and crashed. So I awake the next morning and my mother is standing over me with this look on her face and I’m like, what is it ma? She doesn’t say anything she just looks at me and says “um it’s time to get up…” So I get up go to the bathroom for my morining routine and bam! This fool left a hickie the size of Texas on my neck, no bs. It was high necked shirts and bad foundation cover-up attempts for about a week.

  • Neex

    I agree with Throne…BOoo to hickies…stupid then, stupid now! I messed with this stupid man a few years a go that thought it would be fun to hold me down and put a hickie on me…I was so mad!

    I see it as a way of branding someone – look he/she is taken and just got some recently type thing. It just looks cheap and nasty…:0(

  • Lonias

    I’m with DaThrone…hickies are just an annoyance and were NEVER cool. And I can’t for the life of me figure out why a grown individual would display them on purpose. It IS ok for somethings to be sacred…

  • sweetsexxybrown

    Definitely have had my share of hickies. Most of them were on my breasts and neck as those are both extremely sensitive spots that send me to another place. I never felt they were intentional as they were definitely in the heat of the moment. The passion marks on the neck were more bothersome as I had to hide them. Unfortunately, I bruise easily. I’m not gonna stop what feels good in a moment of passion because of a ‘mark’. I’m grown and I know how to cover it.(But mind you, I’m not talking about the hickies that are purple and huge. Those come from someone sucking for way too long. I’m talking about the small red/burgundy ones) If my child came home with a hickie (son or daughter) I think I may slap them straight across the room or hand them over a bill to pay since they think they are grown,lol.

  • Righteous Mama

    Aw, I might be alone on this one but I LOVE passion marks! (hate the word hickies)

    Most of the time they are accidentially given because my skin is light and I bruise easily. What grown person intentionally tries to give them? Still, I really don’t mind it as long as it’s in a hidden place or I can cover it up undetected with makeup.

    I don’t need the world to know my business but it’s nice to have a little evidence the morning after like oh, yeah…he did put it down didn’t he? LOL That’s just me.

    If a man kisses and sucks on my neck long enough, which I love, there will most likely be a mark left behind. No complaints here.

  • Mz. Ashley

    Hickies are soooo TRASHY!!! I have had a few in my life cuz im white and everything shows up on white people LOL! but i just had one recently and was so embarrased! I know my man didnt put it on there on purpose, we was just caught up in the moment and i woke up the next morning with it on my neck. I work for a big corporation, so it was HELL trying to hide it so they wouldnt think i was a slut or something. I think when people put hickies on u on purpose and they are grown…they have issues…Controlling issues! PLz dnt try and brand me, cuz it still dont mean i am yours! lol :)

  • Nikki

    That’s funny.I think they sometimes happen in the heat of the moment. Or maybe during role playing or something. But I don’t really care for them.

  • Ms. Phat Booty

    I never had one since I do not bruise :) Sometimes in the heat of passion I place one on my man’s shoulder :)

  • paze79

    i never thought that shit was fly even as a youngin” and if dude is damn near 40 doing showing off his “love marks” like that then dude is just straight corny and no amount ass he’s getting will make me feel different. upgrade your swag homie!

  • Mil

    One day, a co-worker of mine (who was 40) came to work with one. I guess he forgot to wear his turtleneck. Well, this girl who was 19 put him on blast at lunch time…it was like being in the 8th grade all over again! When I got to know him better, he told me he was gay and his partner did it to let it be known he was “taken.” I gave him a look like…what? Can’t he just give you a promise ring or a love bracelet? Hickies suck…no pun.

  • NWSO


    Lol. sorry, I have to laugh at your typos (“kickie” and “sute”) make sit sound like you have a lisp.


  • ~C

    I’m another one of those people who bruise really easily and I can tell when a guy is gettin too crazy with the lip action, so I tell him to calm down…move it around : )
    An accident is one thing (when you’re in the moment) but to purposefully put one on another person is just immature. It’s not cute and as a professional it’s not a good look for work. Those people don’t need to know about your sex life anyway!
    If your significant other likes the idea of putting love bites on you, then let them do it somewhere inconspicuous, like your belly, inner thigh, or that sweet spot on the hip.

  • da ThRONe

    I have sucked on enough titties and necks in my lifetime to know how to do so without leaving a mark. I havent been sexually in a year. I could go suck a tit right now on any fair skin girl and not leave a mark and still bring pleasure. If your sex partner cant suck without bruising you need an upgrade in lovers’.

  • Mz. Ashley

    @da throne

    well its different when u N ya lover popped some E! like i said…get caught up in da moment. LOL!

    a year? dayummm y so long?

  • msdailey

    Passion marks given in the throes of passion are ok, I remember getting one about a year ago, being in my 30s and not having one probably in the last 15 years, I was shocked, but no big deal, im grown and do what I want!!

    Intentionally done is wack!

  • da ThRONe

    @Mz. Ashley

    I dont pop anything so I wouldnt know anything about that!lol

    Im waiting for marriage to have sex again.LMAO
    Really dont know why Im not doing the damn thing. Why you wanna break the streak? :D

  • Mz. Ashley

    @da throne….

    well that is good. you never meet a man with that quailty esp. in this time of day. Im not tryin to break your streak daddy-o! Do you my man! follow me on twitter if u have it….@mzashley88 n we can talk some more.

  • Dc Man with a Plan

    I have to agree that VISIBLE hickies seem rather adolescent, though for the fair skinned, shyt sometimes just ‘happens.’ I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it, as long as it is not visible. Grown azz ppl ought to do all they can to hide that shyt. As far as parents go, if you waiting for visible signs your kids are experimenting with sexual activities–you gonna be a grandma or granddad before you know it bcuz it’s what you DON’T see that is more ominous. U remember how slick YO-azz tried to be during your teen years, and if not you, then you had a sibling, cousin or friend who WAS slick wit-it……WELL, times haven’t changed THAT much…..Teens are still tryn to be slick wit-it, so regardless of whether you have a girl or boy–they both have responsibilities and you need to keep both sexes in check to the best of your ability. No boys will be boyz B/S, bcuz that’s how boys bcome worthless fathers….

  • Kwana AKA OrangeStar AKA Phoenix7

    How old is too old to be having hickies?
    If you grown out of your teens the fascination should have worn off.
    Have you ever “accidentally” gotten or given a hickie as an adult?
    Yes gotten and gave, I’m rather fair and bruise very easily, my neck is an erogenous zone too but dude was probably your complexion Ans LOL and he dayum sure had one, he bruised easily too at first I didn’t believe him I didn’t see it after our lil make out session but he showed me the next day in the light LOL
    Were you upset, embarrassed or didn’t care?
    oh well I tried to cover it on my neck and try to avoid getting them in areas that the public can see…. I playfully apologized to dude it was big too, he was dark so you really had to look to see it but it could be seen LOL
    no kids and can’t remeber the first or getting in trouble..there was a brawd here at work young she had like 6 all over her neck area and I was like WOW…must be nice to have someone wanting to devour you LOL *sigh* its been SOOOOOOOOOO long LOL, seriouly that looked kinda nasty and not so appropriate @ work

  • Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

    all I have to say is…”I wish a MF would!”

  • litrisha

    Wow…..yeah hickies are so like Junior High, not even High School to me….LOL
    Just like you Ans, it’s hard to put one on me because of my skin color, but I must admit that back in the day when I was a teenager that was a big excitement and hype for me. TODAY though ummm………NO! That is so embarassing because basically all you’re doing is letting people into your business like that, and adults could care less what’s been going with you and whoever else in the bedroom. If a guy tried to put something on me then I wouldn’t care because his lips and tongue would probably fall off trying to make a mark on me because he would have to do it like a wild animal……LOL
    If my daughter/son came home with a hickie on his/her neck I would put them on punishment and make them stare at it in the mirror every night and day until it goes away!
    I would always wear turtle necks or a coat, or even try to move my neck to whatever side it was on to try to hide it………LOL

  • Bon_Grimo

    my co-worker came in the other day with 1.. At first, I was like, ooooohh oooohhh daaammmnnnnn!!! what happen girl? but the way she replied and tried to cover it, I lost it and said a hicky!!!! All the groundhog stood from their cubes.. Okay, I may have said it alittle too loud. I do remember those days… wow, young and wild. lol

  • Tresjolie

    Hickies are ok but only when they’re at places where no one can see. Like a private conversation between you and your man or woman. I like to give hickies, but don’t get them.

  • Elle

    I’m one of these “bruise easily” people. I’ve had a hickey on my forehead once … MY FOREHEAD… from what felt like a simple kiss.

    My last ex had a tendency to sometimes bite my neck gently … or wherever. Hickey alert.

    I always thought they were corny and never understood why some chicks wore them proudly back in High School. But at 31 they are even more corny. And embarressing.

    Oh well, I just have to face the facts and live with being prone to get them.

  • distinguishedgentlewoman

    I’ve always found them embarrassing. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, stuff happens.

    A former coworker used to cover his up with his mother’s makeup—yes, a dude. Then he had the nerve to wear white T-shirts and white turtlenecks. And we would all notice the makeup rubbing off on his shirt neck long before we saw the darn hickey.

  • Spinster

    Eh. Me, too old for them.

  • litabia

    Yeah I always thought that hickies were trashy and a mexican thing cuz all the mexicans around keep hickies. I won’t even let my dude suck on my neck for too long. But one time he made a hater move and held me down and put a hickie on my cheek. Yeah I was pissed the hell off.

  • LondonChick

    Back in the day, my then jump off deliberately aimed to put a love bite on my cheek “because you’re red-skinned”. WTF!? Yes my complexion was lighter than his but I wasn’t having some man brand me with a tramp stamp so everyone would think that I was some kind of ho. His azz got kicked to the kerb soon after (but that’s a whole other story). I was 22 and he was 30-something…definitely old enough to know better!

  • Reegis75

    Hickies were never my favorite but I don’t mind a hickey every now and again in hidden places. The whole world doesn’t need to know my business lol

  • GaGyrl

    Now although I’m not THAT fair skinned, I do bruise fairly easily. I have been known to wake up alone with bruises on my body. I use to say I fought Freddie Krueger in my sleep.

    Hickies, passoin marks, love bite or whatever the heck you want to call them. It’s a no go for me.

    My dislike for them started way back in high school when a dude I was “talking” to tried (and succeeded) to put a heart on my heart. WTH?!?! Now prior to then I thougt it was cute when I saw one on my friends because I got to razz them about it. The ish wasn’t so cute when it was me. And trying to hide it from my mom in the middle of summer when I would normally have on tank tops and spaghetti strap sundresses wasn’t easy because Ms. “B” didn’t play that.

    @ Tae

    I also remember the time that my first “real” boyfriend and I were playing around and he went in for a zirbert (think Cliff and Rudy Huxtable cheek kiss) but instead of him giving me a raspberry he sucked in on my cheek. Well I thought nothing of it because it was a quick second. Next morning I walk out of my bedroom to wash my face and my mom goes “what the H*&L is that on your face?!?” I look in the mirror and I have a nice LARGE red lip print on my whole cheek. I got the cursing out of my life about being promiscuos and letting that boy do whatever he wanted with me. Now mind you I was still a virgin at that time. (a month or so later was a diffeent story).

    Over the years I’ve had guys try and put them on me and it was usually on purpose which would really piss me off. Thinking back on it, it was usually always the same ones who would make comments like “Red” or “….with your yellow ass”. Another BIG turn off. Needless to say those situations never went anywhere.

    I say to each his/her own but to me that’s like branding your property and I’m not livestock so get the heck on with that. It’s like, “let me make sure no one else tries to get at this ’cause it’s mine”. That’s so dang high school and immature.

  • GaGyrl

    @ da thRone

    nothing wrong with going an extended period of time wihout being sexual. Too much going on out there to just be random. And about knowing how to suck without leaving a mark…..I agree with you. It CAN be accomplished. The few that have made the cut and weren’t kicked to the curb knew how to get caught up in the moment and still leave no “brandings”. ;>)

  • single23

    LMAO @ Londonchick…On your cheek? for real? lol

    I have only had one hickey in my lifetime and I wasn’t too worried about anyone seeing it, because it was on my inner thigh. But it sure was a painful reminder of the fun me and my boyfriend had for the next couple of days. I wore skirts that week cause I didn’t want anything rubbing against it.

    now that I am older and wiser, do I think you can be too old for hickies? hmmm…only if you are too old for sex. I do think you should have enough restraint to not put them on visible body parts, but as for the rest, have at it. I just like getting primal and loosing control. if you are worried about someone else seeing a love bite on your ass, then…. maybe you need to calm down and stick to just ONE sex partner. you’re endangering people.

  • neo the one

    How old is too old to be having hickies?
    Hmm good question: i think if hickies are your think then do you… but keep em discreet please!! it screams immaturity in my eyes…..

    Have you ever “accidentally” gotten or given a hickie as an adult?

    Yeah been there….. both ways… i try my best to cover em (hopefully they are only on y chest) and i prefer not to have em @ all……. if i feel somebody sucking that hard and am concious of it i usually tell em to ease up; i am guilty of getting caught in the moment as well.. i feel my skills will warrant another engagement and dont feel the need to mark/tag territory….

    Were you upset, embarrassed or didn’t care?

    i have been all three… specifically when you dont know u got one and someone you are talking to points out that fact.. DAMN!!

    What would you do if your kid came home with a hickie? Would your reaction change depending on whether it was your son or daughter? Why or why not?

    Let’s face it: hickies are a clear sign that your kids are engaging in sexual behavior: hopefully you have talked to them bout thus behavior and can use this as a chance to reinforce protection, std’s, pregnancy and so forth……. the reaction would be different because of the nature of the situation and socailization: society has it that is ok for a guy to have sex but not really women: but if these guys are having sex (and they are heterosexual) there gotta be soem women engaging in said behavior— point 2: if a female gets pregnant its a burden on that direct family– they see the changes, she’ll and her fam will more than likely be the primary care giver and so forth…. so greater impact……..

    Did you ever get in trouble with your parents for having a hickie?

    When was the last time you got a hickie?

    i got one on my chest couple of weeks ago…. yuck!! i think it was on purpose!!

    How hard was it for you to remove?
    I let it run its course…. maybe a week?

    Do you remember your first hickie?
    Of course not!!

  • AGK

    Have you ever “accidentally” gotten or given a hickie as an adult?

    Maaaan, my skin is SO damn sensitive that some light sucking can lead to a big ass bruise… Some people dont even do it on purpose, but it still happens. Shoot.

    Were you upset, embarrassed or didn’t care?

    I was quite embarassed. I dont like any type of marks of this kind, so i couldnt wait 4it 2just go away.

    What would you do if your kid came home with a hickie?

    We’ve all been there. I’d still be really mad tho. Lol

    Would your reaction change depending on whether it was your son or daughter?


    Why or why not?

    Marks on ur body are there nomatter ur gender, it’s still not cool!

    Did you ever get in trouble with your parents for having a hickie?

    Hell yea! My 1st one, i didnt even manage 2cover. Both my parents were pissed, but since i was not the “all out there” type, it was 4gotten quickly.
    After that one, i’ve only had a couple more (say, 5times during my entire life) but i covered those completely. Or @least i tried. Lol

    When was the last time you got a hickie?

    Embarassing enough, but a just a couple weeks ago. It was a tiny little one tho, and it wasnt done on purpose, as usual.

    How hard was it for you to remove?

    I just waited 5 days n it was gone. Lol

    Do you remember your first hickie?

    Like i mentioned above, i was quite young when it happened, but i dont remember who did it. Only thing i remember is being all anxious about it showing! Haha

  • cali sunshine

    Ok I know this is gonna sound hecka crazy but I LOVE the way it feels to get passion marks… i have a tendacy to be rough in bed and well it happends… alot… but the I also hate havin them in visable places… but the last guy i had a relationship with gave marks on top of marks every nite for 2 weeks and because our sessions were sssooo intese… ppl talk about gettin caught in the moment… i got caught in the hours lol…

    so while i dont mind gettin them or havin them i hate that the world veiws them like they do but im grown and if they cant be covered by clothes they dont get covered i dont care ow you view them its not yo biz lol

  • grownandsexy83

    Yes hickies, passion marks, love bites, whatever you call them are not cool. I bruise easily. I have had some before but always in places never seen. yes its fine you during the heat of the moment one or two pop up but if i look like i have the chicken pocks afterward, oh it will be on and popping!

  • whateverman

    Maybe I’m weird but I kinda love hickies I think its tacky to have them all over your neck and in visible places, but it feels soo good to me getting them and i feel kinky walking around with one right under my collar where people may or may not see it. lol

  • Cali

    I definitely don’t think anyone’s ever too old for hickie’s especially if the loving is DA BOMB! But as we get older it’s a way to carry ourselve’s. Yeah, when we were younger as teenagers that was the thing, showing off your hickie’s and being proud. But now grown up and in the corporate world that isn’t HOT just to be displaying them like that. As you get older you have to worry about your job, being professional, and most definitely your reputation. Hickies are cool with me as long as your not out here walking around like you got the hickie pox, it’s ALL GOOD!

    Plus, me I like my hickies in places unseen to the normal eye. (From the chest DOWN!) LMAO!

  • LaLa

    Just last weekend my “friend” got carried away and caught up in the moment and I woke up with 3. I’m not pale either! Needless to say I was pissed because he knew what he did and I am way too grown for hickies. Thank the Lord they finally went away completely on Thursday. It’s not cool to still mark territory like you’re in high school (well, maybe its okay if done in non visible spots ;). Even though he is younger than me, he’s damn near 30 and should know better. Its all good though, payback’s a biyatchi!

  • Sasha

    Not too long ago a friend of mine gave me an enornous amount of hickies. I didn’t notice until the next morning when my best friend met me to go to church and instantly said “I see you have a cheetah neck”

    ::runs to bathroom::
    OMG. My neck has not one, but four huge bruises that went across my neck. Makeup didnt really help and my friends scarf was hot around my neck (it was july). Needless to say we sat in the back of church that day. He though it was halarious, I was ready to kick his

  • Patrick Murphy

    I love hickies or love bites. I am a gay male and when I see a hickie on another man’s neck, it drives me wild with desire. I give and receive them. They are so so erotic

  • Anastacia

    The first time I got a hickey I thought something bad had happened. I am pale skinned and bruise easily, and so the mark my boyfriend left looked like someone had tried to hurt me. My mom thought someone had attacked me. I had to lie about how i got bruises on my shoulder. On the bright side, my boyfriend decided never to suck that hard again…my bruises scared him…or maybe it was that my mom thought he had hit me that scared him