Let a Man Be a Man (Follow the Leader)

I think you did a great job answering the question.

Most women THINK they have to be "submissive"--which is why there is such a negative reaction to the idea. The word "submissive" has been tainted. I like your term. "Happy medium". I don't want to lose myself to appease a man, but I will definitely compromise if I can boost his ego. Makes for a happy man. I'm cool as long as I'm happy too.

As you mentioned, times have changed, but gender roles have not. Now mind you, women are doing the damn thing these days. But men still have egos, and women still want a sense of security. How that is accomplished varies--to each his own.

Yes. I have unknowingly emasculated a man. I felt awful. I've learned that it's best to boost his ego--it doesn't mean he's less of a man for wanting me to pump him up. It only gets bad if I have to be his crutch as opposed to his #1 fan.

I think men DO understand opinionated women. They just don't want to hear it...

Let a man be a man. Let him accomplish his goals and fulfill his purpose. Let him protect you, provide for you, and CHOOSE you. I've come to realize that my reaction, words, actions, etc. can make or break a man's ego. I don't take that lightly. So if he wants to change a tire? Cool. I'll cook him something to eat after he's done...

Ans, I think you did a great job at answering her question.

You gave numerous examples I can personally relate to. Letting a man being a man is no science. It comes intuitively. At least I would think so.

I always handed my exes the movie tickets - funny you would use that as an example. Or whenever I would treat for dinner, I'd give him the money while we were waiting for the check to come so he wouldnt potentially look bad in the eyes of the waiter.

Ans said exactly what my ex has told me: men want to feel needed. A woman who tells them flat out "I can do this myself, I don't need you." is rather unattractive.

Of course we CAN do everything men do - aside from not having to pull our panties all the way down when we need to answer nature's call. But personally, I do not WANT to take care of everything myself. Sometimes it is such a relief to just hand over responsibility to somebody else and trust him to do a good job at handling it.
We can both feel good: a burden is lifted off my shoulders, I can look at him as my "hero". That in turn makes him feel like Superman. It's a win-win scenario. There are numerous little things you can do every day to show a man that you let him be a man.

For example, I used to let my ex choose what I would have at the restaurants we went to. He is extremely knowledgeable when food and wine are concerned. I could just sit back and trust him in putting together the perfect dinner. On top of that, I would learn so much about what we were eating/drinking. Whatever it is a man is good at (or thinks he is good at ... lol) let him handle it. He'll feel needed and you'll have less to worry about.

@Tacha
I am not a man, so I cannot answer your question from their point of view.
However, in my opinion people (not just women) who constantly are pointing out how wonderfully independent they are, are horribly annoying.
Adults are supposed to be independent. Why do you have to tell the world that you are? It's a minimum requirement of adulthood. Are these people expecting to get credit for something they are supposed to do?
That's as ridiculous as men who proudly announce "I take care of my child". Damn right mothafucka, cause that's what you're supposed to. You're not gonna win a trophy doing solely what you're supposed to. Announcing it is redundant.

I'll just say "Touche" to Elle's response...

Yo, Ans, you did the damn thing! Made me sit up all proud like...lol..You expressed the man's view in precisely the manner in which I think MOST men TODAY, would want it to be expressed. I know, DaThrone represents another view, but I think that's a minority view--but it is relevant all the same. MY Gurl Elle also laid it out quite well. Elle laid out the "team dynamics" required for a mutually pleasing and sustainable relationship. I have told several younger women with whom I've had this conversation that it's okay to go to Ikea and let your man put the damn book shelf together. Being independent shouldn't mean you don't know how to be part of a team. Being a team player means you recognize ery'body has a role to play and a contribution to make. If all you can relinquish is the keys to your car so your man can vacuum and wash it--do that shyt, while you try to find something dude can help you with, so he "FEELS" needed. Believe it or not, Why TF would you want to be with someone who doesn't need you in some tangible way? Think back to when the standard view of women was epitomized by the way we thought of airline stewardesses, which was: coffee, tea or me! Sex symbols and objects to be admired is all women represented, unless it was your mama, and there's always an exception for mama. Women did not and DO not like to be thought of solely as objects for sex. Why? bcuz you have more to offer and y'all go deeper than that. MEN, don't want to be thought of solely as sex objects either--and if I can't do anything for you but sex you.....WTF? What does that leave? How long you think that relationships gonna last, unless you dealing with a gigolo or a married man...lol.....

@ Tacha....I think you DO have some trust issues. U telling me you can cover ery'thing from working on the toilet and sink to changing the brake pads and oxygen sensor on your car? From connecting the cable or satellite dish in each room to swapping out your hard drive and establishing a wireless hook-up? And even if you can--do you like and PREFER to do all of those things? I'm all for taking shyt apart and doing the self help thing, but at times, I'd rather fork over some cash to be serviced bcuz I just don't feel like expending the time and effort to do certain things. I'm very handy, but some of that stuff just isn't for the kid or isn't worth getting special tools and equipment to do. Surely, if you dated a good mechanic, you could find a comfort in letting him do some work on your car--especially if he offers. Surely, if you date a butcher, you wouldn't mind if he brought you over some special cuts of meat. Surely if you dated a chef, you wouldn't mind him working in the kitchen while you sat back, feet up, chillin with a glass of wine. I couldn't see dating the fiinest woman in the world--if all she could do was be arm candy (I didn't say I couldn't see hittin that--lmao......but keeping her on lock down, naw, not for me) U need to have some usefulness, bring something to the table besides an appetite: Know how to help me coordinate some furniture or revive that plant I can't seem to keep alive--somethin, cuz fiine gets old real quick when I'm doing it all--and you sittin back being helpless. I'ma resent you over time...and poof: you're OUTTA here! It can’t be much different in how a woman looks at a man. Being independent should mean you know how to choose what you do best and prefer to do, but it shouldn't mean you wanna use every free moment to do all the shyt that needs to be done in order for you to live as you are accustomed to living. REST is one thing you'll never get if you gotta do ery'thing........Good help is hard to find, but easy to keep if you have the right attitude, which is an attitude of sharing and caring and team building for the future you want...

Aaviana said, "If a man can tell me to slow my roll and let him take charge I would not mind especially if I feel like I am in good hands."

Sometimes, we just have to take a step back on purpose just to show our willingness to let him take charge. I grew up in a family in which my mother was the "man of the house". All decisions, discipline and reward came through her, and my parents are paying for that dearly right now. I mention this to illustrate that not every man will want to exert the effort it takes to "tell us to slow our roll". This does not necessarily point to weakness...everyone makes decisions about which battle(s) they will fight. As women, we can feel like we are in "good hands" even without having to control the situation.

Im only going to say this once. If you let your pride supercede your better judgement "You arent a man you are a grow child". Not that Im really in a position to talk ,but if Elle has to hand you money so you can pay thats juvenile. Im not sure how many people that deal with kids ,but its just like me letting my niece doing something herself just so she can feel like a "Big Girl". A real man will always be a real man. And if you have to mow the lawn or change the tire to feel like a man you need to grow up!

I think the phrase I have learned to not only embrace but love and say to myself on occasion.."Sit your ass down and relax". I always tell people, growing up in a single parent home with a mother who was not only my Claire Huxtable but Heath Cliff, Superman and Superwoman combined had its ups and downs. I think, I've learned that sometimes there is a level of independence that becomes a fault. I've also often said that if a mere need for my man, the comfort, the connection, the love, affection, good sex etc isn't need enough, then I don't know what more need from a woman I can give BUT I understand it. DC, (hand claps for your commentary) like you said, I know what I can do, which is most everything (haven't had a lot of "men" in my life to play the role) but I know I don't need to do it all. Also like you said, a woman doesn't just want to be your sex toy and neither does a man. We forget that relationships are partnerships, team effort, I hold you down you hold me down, I give you what you need and visa versa. It's not always easy to stroke a mans ego, so to speak but in the long run if my S.O. Wants me to go sit and take a chill pill while he puts the ikea shelf together or hooks up the new entertainment center, by all means, baby. Do ya thang (and I'll thank you for it in some fantastic way later;)

Good job Ans...

Spent most of my adult life being independent but discovered that my yearn for independence was undermining my ability to have a mutually fulfilling relationship. Discovered that their is a higher plain than independence if you want or desire a mutually fulfilling relationship, interdependence.

Interdependence, a mutual dependence that can only be achieved through trust. I believe a lingering distrust between the genders is a reason why letting a "man be a man" or a "woman be a woman" has become so difficult. No one wants to feel beholden to another. It is something indicative of the general distrust in our overall society where simple acts of kindness now have a monterary reward or compensation attached. Giving a co-worker a lift or having a stranger use your phone for call is something to be compensated, monetarily.

We have lost that with each other and we are always on the guard for someone taking advantage or seeking the upper hand.

Co-sign@Da Throne

If a man can't handle me paying for something because he's embarrassed, he's not the man for me.

Co-sign@ DC Man

There are plenty of things that I can do on my own but if I don't have to, I won't. LOL

It's also a trust issue with me because I am hesitant to let someone take over what I know I can handle.

I'd like to have a man who has his head screwed on so straight that I know that he can make sound decisions for our family/unit. I'd have no problem letting him 'be the man' and he would also have to understand that if he was ever down for the count I could pick things up.

@sankore

What person wants to hear "I dont need you"? There would be no point for relationships at all. Everybody wants to feel important in some way. Thats the point of companionships.

@ Throne

I understand what you are saying but this is post is about, let a man be a man. And words like that cut him down. Thats all im saying.

Gender roles have been skewed because women have come up in the world and no longer need men financially as in the past, thus, the only true "need" is companionship (sex) and possibly procreation.

The problem with men is that they have allowed themselves to be demasculinized in order to adjust to women instead of keeping their own set of principles and standards.

If you break yourself for a woman, you are essentially the woman.

There are plenty of traditional women who desire dominant, traditional men, strong men but there is a severe shortage of those.

How often do you hear a woman complain about the lack of "real men"?

That is what they're talking about.

Women don't want a man who will cater to them, they need a man who will keep them in check and not take their shit.

That is what it comes down to.

If you don't hold women accountable, they will run your shit, and YOU KNOW THIS.

It's not so much about dominant vs. submissive as it is a clear and defined set of roles between a man and woman.

When that line becomes blurred, the boundaries and respect do as well.

I see alot of men who are essentially the female in the relationship and it's pathetic to watch.

Granted it's different for every culture.

Latin cultures are always patriarchal in nature and thus the men are raised to lead a household.

Black cultures tend to be matriarchal in nature, thus the female holds most of the control.

That helps to explain it....

As much as I agree with the rest of your post, DIVISION, I disagree on the "keeping me in check" part.

No grown man or woman needs to be kept in check by another. We're adults who should know right from wrong, who can voice their likes/dislikes, who need to wake up every morning and tackle this thing called life.
Unless you got life figured out all wrong, what is being kept in check supposed to be good for?

I have my own mind, I keep myself in check. I think before I speak, I think before I act. That's as much keeping in check as I need.

I don't need a daddy. I need a man in my life who I can rely on to be my tag team partner (Where is Young anyways?), not somebody who tries to "train" or "raise" me.

IMO, letting a man be a man has nothing to do with handing power over to him.

But maybe I am reading your post completely wrong. Enlighten me.

@sankore

If you hand me the money how is that being a provider?

My point is as a women or a man you should want the samething from your relationship. How you get there may differ. But the idea that you have to dumb yourself down to not hurt a person ego is just juvenile to me. When you say man dont wanna hear he's not needed. You make it seem like women are OK with having no purpose and if thats the case something is wrong with that person.

@DIVISON

Thats just down right silly! Maybe for uneducated and self-conscious people. But not for anybody who really understand the point of a relationship and who really wants happiness. Their not going feel compelled to live up to something so deeply rooted in a sexist mindset that was concocted by prehistoric man.

If a male or female needs to be "Checked" they arent a man or woman! Grown people should be self-checked. I dont mind holding you down but checking is something left for kids.

Wow, great post! I think women have it bad. We have accomplished so much, and some reason, we use the fact that we've been raised by women, who get it done day in day out, without the help of a man, as an excuse to treat our men like crap. And then we wonder why we're still single. I know most women don't want to hear this coming from a woman, but no matter how "independent" you are, you still need a man to do SOMETHING for you. Unless you want to be screwing yourself for eternity. So show a little bit more consideration.
(That's not to say that sometimes men aren't jerks, but that's another day! I'll let the men have their glory THIS time. lol)

growing up in the south, where we were raised on "boy go hold that door for her" and " go help her with those bags" or " why is your sister taking out the trash, go help her", basicly raised to take care of the FEMALE, opening doors, and pulling out chairs, and carrying books and things like that, versus living in the city where you dont see that, you see the man walking ahead of his lady, and walking in doors before her, and let her carry heavy loads, while they stand by. So i guess it has a lot to do with how you came up, whether or not you have a problem with it. Me, yeah the independent woman thing, might bother me a little, but its not a problem. you know what I mean.versus, a dude from the city might not have so much of a problem with it, she hand him the tickets, he might be like "nah, you got it go ahead"or he might feel comfortable laying up while his woman do all the work. (no disrespect to my city folk, Shout out to D.C.) but it is what it is.
you know what I mean.

@ da ThRONe

Your age shows. It is impossible for two people to think alike. You don't always know what another person wants or needs hence the need for good communiation (or being checked as needed).
Like if my man complains about me falling short in my domestic duties, he might check me on that. I might check his ass back on some things that i need to feel support as well. Hopefully, we could compromise and lovingly find a solution that works for both of us.

Some might not like the term but people in general will run all over you if you don't stand your ground. In a healthy relationship, both people should be firm about their ideals and when things get misunderstood people should be prepared to defend them.

I would be checking your ass all day if you were my man. Lol.

@Elle: If the respect quotient is there, the "check" factor is not necessary, however, every so often a woman will test a man's nuts and this is specifically what I'm talking about.

You test the will of the man, you get reacquainted with the boundaries. I'm speaking from my own experience in relationships, so take that in to account.

I don't speak for any other man.

@DC: Are you asking me come over and put your house in order? Is that what it is?

There's no need to smack a bitch up. If the understanding is there between two people and the roles are clearly defined, neither trespass over boundaries and everything stays copacetic.

Every so often, people lose sight of their role and that's when shit gets fucked up.

I'm not going to argue semantics with you, DC, because you always get over-emotional. My relationship is unique because I am not you therefore I can't explain any set of generic guidelines that will pertain to you.

No, I'm not religious. Yes, I cook. Yes, my girl holds down a job. We both share in household duties.

Dominance? I take care of business, personal and otherwise. Holding down my end of the bargain means I satisfy her in the ways a man needs to.

Giving and taking, sharing in the beauty of a complementary relationship. She provides for me. I provide for her. In ways that men and women do.

@babyShayfromL.A.: I should call you sweetcheeks. I like your smile.

@dathRONe: Too much Patrone, holmes? You're on some juvenile shit. Who said anything about chin-checks and sets? The context I used pertaining to "checked" simply means keeping both roles in line and respected. That's all.

Pick up a book, son!

@RighteousMama: Men who care aren't always "nice" about it. That's real.

Yea, that's what I thought you meant, DIVISION.

Testing limits vs. reinforcing them.

Since not everyone displays said behavious, letting a man be a man does not have to envolve him "keeping women in check".

None of my men ever needed to do that. Nor did I have to communicate limits in a manner that it could be considered "checking".

Maybe I am getting this whole idea twisted though. Who knows. But the terminology makes me feel uneasy and from the examples you and some others have given, it is a concept which wouldnt work for me - to say the least.

@ Tron

I'm a control freak because I am the head of a household. Do I want to be, no. I have no problem with submitting and handing over control to my man and letting him take the lead.

And as far a being "checked," I am that woman that will try to test a man to see how far he will let me go. I don't want to be with a spineless man that will allow me to run over him. Sometimes I do get a little out of control and need someone to put his foot down!

@Qua

Why would you mess up a person by abusing their kindness? I never understood that about people(women especially). Are you that messed up in the head that you have to ruin a perfectly good situation just because you can. And people question my maturity?

It's not about abuse, it's about judgement. I'm not going to submit to someone whose judgement I don't trust.

And yes I STILL question your maturity and view points on life in general. You have a false sense of reality.

@Elle

I agree 1000%

The greatest thing about relationships IMO is the comfront. In Kelis fashion "I JUST WANNA GET ALONG WITH YOU"! LOL

Why would I wanna come home and to have to play childish mind games with my S.O.?

@Elle: In a perfect world, there'd be no need for checks and balances, of course. That's just not the case, though and people test limits by nature.

Maybe you're in that 1% who has an ideal relationship.

I just know from my experience that women test limits, even when they don't realize it. It's in their nature.

ShayfromL.A. is the perfect example of such. She'd run over a weak, insecure or immature man. I can see it from here in Phoenix. I like women like her because she keeps me straight. I like some fire in between the lines sometimes. I prefer relationships that have ebb and flow.

daThRONe: Between your silly profile pic, mispelled words and half-assed reasoning how do you expect anyone to take you seriously.

Reminds me of Junior Mafia and them Boxtop Props!

Kelis?

How about some Goapele?

You're a child trying to play in a grown man's world.

Everyone else sees it but you!

@Division

You clearly have deeper issue so I'll be the adult and leave it alone! Cause you arent even on my level to argue with!

@ Division. I asked you some simple azz questions that would enable you to define your terms so we ALL could be on the same page, bucz if you read the number of comments just on the word "checked" it is easy to see there can easily be misunderstanding. I asked you a question up front to avoid B/S and you bust out talking about helping me run my house. Fu*k you and the horse you rode in on. I don't know if you runnin your house or even have one, but the truth be told, I don't give a rat's azz one way or another. I’m not gonna justify myself to a person who doesn’t mean shyt to me. I’m just tryin to have dialogue and U coming with some half-wit enlightenment B/S. "Checking' a woman where I come from means going up side her head, and if that's what you meant, I just wanted you to man-up and make it plain. Many men think doing daddy shyt like caring for their kids is a woman's place, others think a woman's place is in the home. All of that can be part of what some ppl think of when they hear the term dominant man, so stop trying to act like there is some universal understanding of what the fu*k you're talkin about, you're shyt ain't international. AND, there are women who sell their bodies and give the money to a pimp: I can neva understand WHY a woman would do that, so to find there are women who agree with "X" and others "Y" is all relative and par for the course. The world is full of ppl who do shyt that I don't get, but the main stream, NORMAL process and concepts I'm up on. U, might not be, but that ain't my problem, so it's whateva.

@DC: You're an emotional person, it comes out in your writing. Hard to deal with someone logically when they're too busy taking shit personal.

I don't take any of this personal, but some of you do.

Yes, alot of this is international because I've already gotten affirmation from several women in regards to the "check" comment.

It may not pertain to your relationship but it's real and you should be aware of that.

I don't see you as a dominant type man, because you get emotional over some words on a screen. It's possible to disagree with someone without letting it ruin your day.

I don't expect you to necessarily agree with me, but we're two different men.

We come from two different worlds.

You wouldn't survive a woman like babyShayinL.A., she'd run you like you were her personal whore.

I'd handle a woman like Shay without regret, but alot of love.

You can deny it and try to say whateva is whateva all you want.

Don't try and convince me, convince yourself, young man.

Well, here's a question Ans presented that I'd like to hear the men answer...

How does a woman make you feel needed?

Okay granted, not all men are the handy types. That makes some men feel needed.

But can you all provide some examples of a woman in your life that made you feel needed and what did she do that made you feel that way? What did you like about it?

@Righteous Mama

This is an easy question! Like Ans said in his comment. Peace! Dont start shit. Do what you say your gonna do. Express yourself when there's a problem instead of saying "Whatever" then bring it up two months later.

I dont ask for anything Im not willing to give myself.

It's been awhile since iI have commented, and i have so many thoughts about this issue. "The Independent Woman" is a dichotomy. A lot of us have been raised by women that have taught us to do everything ourselves, to not depend on a man or anyone, have our own money, etc. These same women as also taught is in another breath to get a man that can take care of you, make a man come out the pocket first, don't pay for a man's anything......Now how can that be? For example. I hear a lot of women hollar out that they are independent but they still expect a man to pay for the whole date or take out the trash or fix their car.

In the midst of the flipping of the gender roles, we as women are learning more and more that we do not have to be with a man for convenience and financial security. We have seen plenty of women raise children on their own and still be active in the workforce. If necessary, it can be done. So women have been armed with the skills to do it alone if we have to. But should we have to? Of course not, it's not natural. Can a woman raise a child single handedly, yes, but maybe not as well as if she had help. On the flip side, men have been accustomed to doing "everything" for a woman in order to feel needed. Our economy has chenged drastically; increasing the need for a patnership in order to achieve the "American Dream." But because of the skills that the modern woman possesses, men do not have to do it all alone.

DC Man With a Plan said it so elequently that a man needs to "compliment" a woman, and vice versa. Each person in a relationship should provide what the other person is missing. And it is definiteky tiring to do everything on your own (providing AND raise the children AND cleaning the house). It's also iimportant for both people to be independent and stable. That way, lthere can be ess attention towards one person "taking care of someone" and more towards both taking care of each other. And if everything is split down the middle then you could have more resources left over to do other things. BUt this is just my humble opinion

I have no issues falling back and letting him take the lead- open my door, fix my tire, take out the trash. Be a man. But dang, I can't find one to do any of that -ish!

Your answer was perfect but I feel as if you represent about 1% of the population. Where are the rest of y'all at?

DIVISION, in my world boundaries and expectations exist like they do in everybody else's. Some of them I set myself, others are being set by society, friends, family, laws and so on. In relationships there are always expectations and boundaries that need to be communicated between the 2 involved. Up until here, I am d'accord with your view.

I self-reflect all the time so at age 31 I may not be aware of it all but I am sure I know most of what I want, need, expect from a man and a relationship. Luckily, I was able to gain a lot of experience to know what works and what doesnt work for me.
At the beginning of a new relationship I communicate my expectations, boundaries, likes, dislikes ... whatever. I may come off a little "technical" but it is what I do. I address important aspects, ask the right questions, observe and put my cards on the table. From that point on, the limits are known. Should he cross them accidently, we'll talk. Should he cross them knowingly, he's out. That's probably the ultimate "check". But this is as far as I am willing to go.

I am not the ebb and flow kind of person. I prefer to sail out in the open ocean where I may have to deal with storms from time to time but that's ok. I'm prepared for that. But artificial ups and downs because somebody needs "excitement" are not for me. Maybe I am that 1%. Maybe not as many women as you'd like to think like being checked. I have a hard time believing that the majority of women wants men to keep them in check. That's just as unbelievable for me as it is that "women want thugs". I am sorry. I am none of these women. I could care less about "an edge", "swagger" and all the other wanna-be justifications for wanting to date thugs.

I'm with DC all the way. I've always said respect is the most important ingredient of them all. If 2 people respect each other lies, infifelity, lack of communication or trust, pointless nagging, endless fights et al. won't occur.

I don't need a man to check me because I respect him enough not to walk over him even if he was weak occasionally or displayed behaviour I didn't like. Everyone receives a minimum level of respect from me upfront. It is on the individual to keep it, let it grow or mess it up. That minimum amount doesn't have to be earned as far as I am concerned. Hence, no testing, game playing etc. necessary.

@knappi

Co-sign all day!

What a refreshing website! I have had to be an indepdenent, assertive woman to survive as a single mom. Now that I am learning and dating, I love hearing that a man wants to be a man. I was married to someone who tried to manipulate that I should want to take care of myself, and I was doing all the work and miserable. Now that I have been divorced and not jaded, because I don't compare all men to that negative, manipulative person. I am starting to love the masculine energy compliments my feminine energy. I agree with the other girl, if a man wants to change my tire and show his strength I will fan him and feed him some grapes and compliments. It is sweet, thoughtful. He isn't saying I can't do it or calling me lame or stupid or using him. And I love to cook and dress up and understand their visual needs. I think women need to find balance too. If he isn't a good person he is verbally putting you down if he wants to provide, protect and pay as a way of leading on dates, I find it attractive and sexy to know there are good men out there. And if they lead and decide it isn't right for them to move into a relationship, I have had to accept it, but they were not mean about it. It wasn't right. I am looking forward to a man's man who chooses me as his woman. Why are we blocking someone's effort. I encourage it and will compliment that kind of thoughtfulness. Good man who want to be men are SEXY!!!!

I've been lurking on this site for while now, and I have made this site one of the regular blogs I check daily.
Anywho. I was over on 1 of the other reg. blogs ( http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/ ) when i came across entry similar to issues brought up in this one. After I read that other article, I e-mailed my bf about it... and well, here's how it went down..
If ya happen to read it, let me know what you think. =)

ME: http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/2009/08/31/i-am-learning-to-dance/
read this and tell me what you think

HIM: Well, I think that women are not lesser than men, they are equal.
The arrangement that God has made in making the man head of the family is because there cant be 2 captains. In the end there has to be 1 decision made and God has appointed the man to have the final say even though its both man and woman that make that decision (just as an example).

In this world, women have proven that they are more than capable of making the same decisions as a man and handling the same responsibilities as a man, sometimes better. But in a relationship, women should assume a submissive role and allow a man to lead and be the head over the household in line with the scriptures. This in no way belittles a woman or lessens her responsibility.

What do you think?

ME: I agree. I believe that it’s important for a man and woman to play their respective roles. Yet at the same time, men and women have to make sure that the person they are willing to assume the roles with are right for them.
When I look at my mom, I see how she submitted herself fully to my Dad’s will…But she did so blindly and silently. There are so many things she should have spoken up about and on. All his family staying in THEIR house, his un-willingness to discuss any issues, and everything else. She found him and lost herself. And my dad is not free of blame either. He abused the power that he was given. He had a good woman, and instead of investing on building eachother up, he was focused on the materialistic things and how high his status was, and how much he could get away with. Viewing a broken front was confusing growing up…and I see the importance that a unified front a couple should have.
But anywho, I believe that all women want to feel secure, loved, taken seriously, listened to, and appreciated by a man they KNOW has their best interest in mind. “He leads, she follows. He controls the situation and she surrenders, totally. Through submission she feels the freedom.”
And likewise a man should be able to surrender himself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally to a women he has his trust and heart in. I think it’s hard for a lot of men to open up to a women, but women need that emotional connect with a man to be able to let her guard down, and let him in and assume his role as the head of house.
If both people are able to surrender to eachother wholly and believe that the other will be there to catch them when they fall,brush them off, and help them back up…Both people are able to free themselves and grow…together.

HIM: Well Stated Shelly

Thank ya Stay High Mama =) I'm glad you co-sign with my point of view.
A relationship should a PARTNERship, Not a Dictatorship.