#18 A Hollow Prayer (You Actually Have to Mean the Words)
A big part of Ramadan is daily prayer and reading of the Koran (or Qur’an). As a non-Muslim partaking in my own version of this journey, though, I’ve opted not to read the holy text (not yet at least) but I have been on bended knee at least twice daily to have conversations with God.
I’ll be the first to admit that prior to Ramadan, the frequency of my praying was sporadic. Every once in a while I’d throw a thank you in there for some good that happened in my life or the occasional I’d-really-appreciate-it-if-you… plea. My most likely time to convene with the Man Upstairs was before a meal, where I’d close my eyes and mumble to myself these words:
Thank you, Lord, for this food in Jesus’ name. Amen.
It’s a prayer I learned some time in my childhood and have been saying ever since, but I’ve been more reflective of my actions and thoughts during the past week and these words are hollow.
They have no real meaning.
I’ve merely been repeating words like a parrot, not as someone truly thankful for the food I was about to consume. So I started winging it and just speaking from the heart and thanking God for what She/He has done for me that particular day, the ones past and the ones to come, as well as providing me with the means to eat daily while so many others can’t.
I feel these conversations with God are much more genuine and real than reciting someone else’s words that I have no personal connection to. I think of it like the Pledge of Allegiance. Not to offend any super-patriots, but I never believed those words my schoolteachers made me say every morning. My mind would just shut off and I’d let the words flow out my mouth but not my heart.
Prayer should not feel like that.
I don’t want to offend any religious types either, but the Our Father doesn’t move me as it should anymore. I’ve said I so many times during my 12 years of Catholic school that it became more of a chore than a prayer. Honestly, if you were to ask me what the words of that prayer meant, I’d have to spend a good amount of time just trying to remember them before I could even begin to tell you.
That’s not to diminish the value of the Our Father at all, but I feel prayer should be about true communication with God whomever that may be for you. Therefore, having a preset “script” for that dialogue can feel disingenuous. Instead of being a robotic sheep mindlessly spewing out words that I don’t personally feel, I’d much rather speak to God from the heart.
Prayer is about being as honest to your soul as possible. I don’t use “thou art’s” and “thy’s” in my everyday speech, so I shouldn’t have to pray in them either. Similar to how I’ve stopped saying the Pledge of Allegiance, I’ve tossed out the food prayer from my childhood and just say what’s on my mind and in my heart.
As I prepare to drop down to my knees in prayer before breaking fast shortly, I have no idea what I’m about to say and that’s quite alright. My words might be different from the food prayer of my youth but the goal will be the same—to give thanks in my own words.
I’ll just close my eyes and speak from the heart until I’m ready to say… Amen.
How often do you pray, if at all? When you talk to God are the words your own or something you were taught to recite as a child? If the latter, do you actually believe those words or are you just praying on autopilot? Did you have a similar food prayer from childhood that your parents taught you as a kid? Do you still catch yourself saying it out of habit? Are you someone that only prays in times of need? When was the last time you prayed just because?
Speak your piece…
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