#36 Would You Steal a Sex Toy? (Dumb Criminals)

I’ve heard of some dumb things in my time, but this one might take the cake as it ranks pretty high on the list of stupid things to do. Last Wednesday, AdultMart, an Ohio sex shop, was robbed at about 5:43am.

Stores get robbed all the time, so what’s the big deal, right? Well, unlike the Apple Store smash and grab heist I wrote about yesterday, there was no big stash of merchandise snatched up. There wasn’t even a huge wad of cash that was taken. The robber stole just one item, a $150 sex toy.

Oh, I forgot to mention that this idiot drove his car through the back door of the store to get it.

Wait, it gets better. After this guy rammed through the glass door, he hopped out his car—which he forgot to put in park—and ran over to the specific spot where the “toy” he wanted was. He actually picked up a $300 item at first, but realized it wasn’t the one he came for and threw it down on the ground for the cheaper $150 one.

Meanwhile, his car was continuing to roll through the store with no one behind the wheel. By time homie got back to the car with his prize, the vehicle was at the other end of the store and he just drove through the front door. All in all, this man caused tens of thousands of dollars in damage and ran over $20,000 worth of security devices.

All of this—including the license plate on the car—was caught on tape (footage below) and police are in the process of enhancing the video to make an identification and inevitable arrest. “Maybe he was embarrassed,” said the store’s regional supervisor, Mike. “What a perverted idiot.”

I really have no idea what was running through this guy’s head. I know it’s a recession and all, but what would possess someone to ram their car through a store just to get a sex toy? It’s not like it was the iPod vibrator or anything. Even if it was, I’m sure his hand could reach the same euphoric goal as the item he stole.

Way to go, hornball. I hope you enjoy that sex toy while you can because chances are that’ll be the last bit of pleasure you experience before going to the slammer and becoming your future cellmate’s boy toy.

Have you ever heard of anything as crazy as this? Do you think homeboy should have taken some money out the register or more inventory at least for all the damage he caused? What do you think his punishment should be? Are you a fan of sex toys? Is there one so good that you’d be willing to steal for? How embarrassed would you be if this was your friend or relative?

Speak your piece…

Spotted at Bossip