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#40 Fellas, Do You Like it Raw? (Great, Let’s Talk)

Posted by NWSO • September 10, 2009 • Printer-friendly

I NEED YOUR HELP! I’m working on a story on condom usage—or the lack thereof—in the Black community and I’ve been having trouble finding folks willing to talk ANONYMOUSLY for this. I figured since I have access to a pool of open-minded individuals such as yourselves why not ask my dear readers for an assist.

So here’s the deal, I’m looking for SIX men of color who currently don’t use condoms or haven’t in the past. Maybe they’re too tight, you can’t feel anything or just don’t like the idea of wearing one. Whatever the case is I want need to talk to you. Actually just email you some questions to fill out, but you get the idea.

This will be completely ANONYMOUS and all I need is a quick anecdotal story from you on why you don’t use condoms or times where you talked a woman into going raw. Maybe, your game was just that tight or she was down for bare backing just as much as you. Who knows, the point is I want need to talk to you.

Ideally, I’d prefer dudes that are currently single and dating but someone in a committed relationship might work as well depending on what you have to say. Or perhaps you were going raw before you and your lady were committed and have an interesting story to tell about that. Either way, I want need to talk to you.

Once again, the piece is totally ANONYMOUS so there won’t be any mention of anyone’s names, just your age and city/hometown. Any guy(s) that has a story to tell or a female that knows a guy with one, feel free to hit me up directly at NakedWithSocksOn@gmail.com and I can email you some quick questions for you to answer. If this doesn’t apply to you, feel free to forward this or ask amongst your friends. I’d truly appreciate it.

Thanx in advance.

NWSO

Oh, since I have your attention, what are people’s thoughts on unprotected sex practices in 2009? Do you trust someone that you’re not in a relationship with enough to go raw? How often do you as the person your sleeping with when was the last time they were tested? Do you take them at face value or ask to see their paperwork? When was the last time you had unprotected sex?

Speak your piece…

***BUT IF YOU’RE DOWN TO TALK FOR MY STORY PLEASE EMAIL ME***

Tagged as: condoms, knowing your status, research, std test, unprotected sex

Anonymous

This is a good idea that you have. A lot of folks have so many excuses for not wearing condoms in 2009. Very good post.
M A R C R OO S E L E R

Hmmm, I can think of a few times a woman have tried to convince me to not wear a condom....how about the women too? Why one sided NWSO?

RAW = long term relationship (over 1 year and only if she's your girl)

Of course RAW is good/better/nicer/wetter/more stimulating...also tons more dangerous.
I've never really heard anyone say a condom was better than RAW...preposterous! Balderdash! Poppycock! (pun intended on the latter)

Oh and the test question comes before the bell for the first round. Bing!
dee dee

Me myself is ok with doing it RAW if I'm in a long

term relationship, and we both love each other.

Plus it feels better for me.
MoHouseMan

Dude... this is a good topic... I'm def. Down to take part in your survey/story.
Elle

No committed relationship = no unprotected sex. Heck, no sex at all as far as I am concerned.

From what I see on the news, people, especially teens, out here are rather scandalous these days as far as unprotected sex is concerned. They didn't grow up with AIDS campaigns all around them and the issue being in their faces like it was for people of my generation. They don't seem to care and rely on the fact that meds are available nowadays which enable HIV-positive men, women and children to live what may look like a normal life. The fear factor seems to be gone.

In my last relationship, I asked maybe once or twice before things got intimate. During the course of the relationship we both got tested together just for the heck of it. Dealing with the issue of STD openly was a given.
July

I've never been in a long term relationship so I'm probably not an authority on this but when did 'committed' equal a magical force field that prevents you getting something? Trust can only go so far in my books. Ish happens, people slip up coz hey they are human but I'll be damned if anybody burns me and my only defence is 'I trusted them'.
BADbrownbunny

I am a bit scared to comment because it makes me ask myself what the heck were you doing.

I wore a condom for the 1st year of my 7 year failed relationship, I felt he had cheated and still stayed with him for the last year and a half because we had a family.

I was scared to ask for him to start wearing condoms because I couldn't prove that he was cheating....but in my heart I knew he was. I tried to love him so he would stay. [i know assanine] At the time I didn't think of it like that but that's what it was.

I was only a bit younger and DUMB as $hit in the experience of heart matters as I he was my first love.

But I knock on wood that I haven't gotten anything from anyone.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@MoHouseMan

Hit me on the email man if you're interested in being quoted
DC Man With a Plan

We have had this discussion b4, but there is never enuff emphasis on this topic, especially in the Black community, where HIV is runnin rampant. Long term committed relationships DO often evolve to a point where protection is not used, especially if (snip-snip) baby-making is no longer an issue. True enuff, TRUST is an issue that takes time to develop and be EARNED, and in THIS intimate arena, which has critical meaning and enjoyment to couples the world over, I want to get to that place with a woman, but it takes 2 or more years, IMO. Condoms, no matter WHAT a woman tells me, no matter how many tests we have, are going to be used UNTIL such time as I and she find ourselves committed to one another in a spiritual, mental and physical way. Again, that's about two years IMO, and not many have made the cut. Sex with condoms is AWESOME, bcuz it's still SEX, and to me, sexin a woman, even if we ain't been together that long beats 5 fingers ery time!
MsKaos

Great topic! I agree with Elle, many today aren't scared of AIDS/HIV like those of us who grow up in the 80s and 90s when it was a DEATH sentence. With all we hear about the growing numbers of Black and Latino's being afflicted with HIV/AIDS, herpes, etc, I cant believe there are people still playing with fire.

I was/am scared of STDs (and didnt want to be preggers before I was ready), so I never took protecting myself casually or with a "wont happen to me" attitude. I got tested at least once a yr (more when I found out that my BF was cheating on me with numerous ppl!). I did some dumb ish back in my younger days like most of us do, but not using a condom wasnt one of them! Of course, men I dated tried to get me to go there without a condom, but it wasnt happening AT.ALL. If he didnt want to use a condom (FTR, I had my own stash in case someone used the ol' "I didnt bring any" excuse) then it wasnt happening!
Rastaman

I am a deep devotee of "strapping it up" but I have to say that in several situations it is the women who have pushed for me to hit it "raw". I have never understood that myself because from my understanding of STIs, women by virtue of their biology of interciourse are far more vulnerable to infections than men.

I had one woman question my ability to impregnate anyone by suggesting I was sterile because my consistent use of condoms over the past 2 decades never resulted in any pregnancies. What would prompt someone to ask a question like that or even imply sterility because a man chooses not to want to take the risk of unwanted pregnancy or STIs.

Men take a lot of flack for not wanting to use condoms but there are a significant amount of women out here who are just as indifferent.
Boog Knights

NWSO, get at me, and the sexcapades discussion is open to your questionaire. I'm more than elgible, and my track record speaks in volumes. Many a night when the plastic just wasn't cutting it. Either or get atcha Main!

BR
TXnCA1982

i am dealing with this issue now. a male friend and i have grown quite close that, in the sexual dept. of our relationship, we go unprotected. now, since then, i have sadly discovered that he has cheated and showed minimal remorse nor did he seem to grasp the seriousness of his actions. Hell, somone has to look out for my va-jay-jay! Monogamy is something that must be thoroughly understood by BOTH parties, in case one decides to find a loophole. No one deserves to have another individual gamble with their life. So, to all, err on the SMART side, STRAP THA HELL UP!
That Guy

I'll assist...

I dont necessarily like condoms, but I LOVE living so we do what we must do!
Virtuous Woman

No matter how much the topic is talked about...written about or discussed. Sex is like food. Its something that we feel we must have. And most men and women don't mind eating from different people. Pride is why most of our black folks carry STDs. Because most of us worry about what the other partner may think of us if we say no to going in raw or if we ask them questions about hiv/aids or any other STDs for that fact. So most of us feel that if we allow them to have sex with us with out a condom. We will get more out of the relationship. For example...LOVE... But what people don't understand is Love is not a cure for ANY STD...Love can't save you. But you stand a better chance with a condom. Exspecailly long term relationships. Just because you think he or she is being faithful to you. They're probably around the corner sexing your sister,your bother, your friend or your co-worker. Things that look good isn't always good. Its a hobbie now-n-days for a person to have more than one sex partner. This is the millennium people don't now what faithful means. That word is beneath the dictionary.And usually if a man or women throws them self on you with the quickness not wanting to use protection. Please beleive me he has some type of std. Because the same way he or she is trying to get you to go raw.. Nine times out of Ten they went raw with the last person and the person before that. So if he or she has slept with 20 unprotected people you just slept with them to. A good feeling that last minutes isn't worth the feeling of loosing your life
Notorious One

Wow.....a very interesting topic. And I know about this all too well. Not proud of it as I look back over life, but can't focus on the past now.
Brandy

I require a full STD panel (with paperwork as proof) prior to any sexual contact. I figure if he thinks that's too much to ask, then I've eliminated an unworthy parter early on. No one has denied that request yet though. Let's not forget that herpes and genital warts can be transmitted through skin contact, so condoms are not always effective. People need to get tested annually and be upfront about their status.

As for the raw issue, honestly I think that only married folks should engage in that activity. Though we all know that doesn't eliminate the chance that either party can contract something from a side lover and pass it on.
Brandy

"Men take a lot of flack for not wanting to use condoms but there are a significant amount of women out here who are just as indifferent."

Well said. It takes 2 to party.