#55 How Can She Be Independent If a Man Always Pays?
Back in July I did a post called, “How Much Do You Spend on a Date? (Cheap Women)” that basically validated my theory that most women don’t plan on spending a dime when they go out with a guy. To prove my point, I polled a bunch of guys and gals about their dating spending habits.
Originally, I planned to post the results along with the main post but I got a bit longwinded in my argument and it would have been way too much to read in one sitting. Well, I was going through my files the other day and came across the poll. There were actually some pretty interesting comments in there so I decided to post it and add my two cents where I felt necessary.
Overall, I think my position still stands: A lot of women want the perks of 21st Century independence, while still holding on to 19th Century gender rules. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with chivalry, I just think there needs to be a little more leeway—especially given the economic times we’re living in. In fact, you can read more on my personal experiences with dating in the recession in the On His Mind column in the new issue of Essence, which is on stands now (Mary J. Blige cover).
Without further ado, here are the poll results. Feel free to share your thoughts on whether or not you agree with the opinions below. More importantly, do you think that a woman can be considered independent if she expects a man to pay her way most of the times?
Speak your piece…
“The first date I may not (won't really) spend in the hundreds, but if we've been dating awhile I may go all out. If we talking averages, about $60. You don’t have to spend a lot to have a good time with someone.”
“I generally don't spend any money if it’s a ‘romantic date.’ If it’s more casual with a friend, I half it. Typically, all of my outings for dinner are $50 total.”
“If I'm on a date I feel that the gentlemanly thing to do is for him to take care of the finances. I don't mind paying for something small or paying for something if he pays for everything always. It’s old fashioned but that's the way I was raised.”
NWSO SAYS: “I’ve always wondered; what exactly is the ‘gentlewomanly’ thing to do?”
“I go Dutch most times unless it’s a first date and he invited but if I invited it’s my treat. I been with my BF for a minute, though, so I’ll probably pay for the movies, while he pays for dinner or vice versa. I’d say about $25-30 each—we don’t do it big like we used to. LOL.”
NWSO SAYS: “We’ve already seen that the likelihood of a woman actually asking a man out is nil, so the ‘if I invited him it’s my treat’ is probably a bunch of bologna for most.”
“Well, considering I've never been on a date I didn’t pay for (believe it or not) on average getting ready for the date $75. Actually, I think from $50-150 is the most I've spent on an outfit. Nothing fancy and I'm cheap.”
NWSO SAYS: “SMH. I love how getting ‘ready’ for a date equates to ‘paying’ for a date. What’s wrong with the clothes already in your closet? And if $150 is ‘cheap’ I’d hate to see ‘expensive.’”
“I don't have a limit with dating and going out with friends. As long as we have a good time that's all I care about! If they're paying I will always offer to leave a tip, pay for the next activity or pick up the tab next time around. I don't go by ‘the rules’ and I've paid first plenty of times.”
NWSO SAYS: “Definitely my kinda girl.”
“What the hell is a date? LOL. Nah, I spend anywhere from $10 to $40, usually split, depending where the date is. Sometimes extra for cab ride home—I'm low maintenance.”
“When I go on a date I spend nothing on the actual date, but I have started offering the tip. With the boo, sometimes I'll treat him. Men are usually surprised when you just whip out the card and pay like money ain't a thing. I also feel it ups my confidence like, No, ni**a, I don't need you. Overall I'm the kind that still believes in him paying and opening doors, but at the end of the night it's whatever works.”
“It would definitely depend on the activities, but usually if I go on a dinner/movie date, the guy picks up the dinner bill and I'll get the movies. Some guys are funny about girls offering payment, so sometimes it makes for an awkward situation. There's also times I pick up the dinner bill, however, usually never the case for a first date. My friend’s mother once said, ‘Stay out that man's pocket.’ She felt you should always let the man pay because it makes him feel like he is being the man and being the provider.”
“The highest I've gone on a date was $80, but that was for the brother's birthday before I knew better! Now I keep it light; dinner and a movie, $50-60 range.”
NWSO SAYS: “Wait, so a brother only gets love on his birthday? What part of the game is that?”
“If we are feeling each other I will go in to the tune of $150-200. If you are acting all snooty and stuck up, you may be ordering your food off the value meal chart. LOL.”
“First date budget is about $150. Dinner, movie and gas.”
“When I was doing well I would spend $60-100 on a date. That would be dinner, movies and cab rides for both of us. Now times are hard I spend $0-40.”
“I rather go Dutch. One time it backfired on me though. I took a girl out, had her pay HER way and never got the pu**y. Still regret that sh*t. There's no price [on ass] but for that time, it was only $20-something. Sure, it was a small amount, but I was tired of spending money on women.”
NWSO SAYS: “No comment. LOL.”
“I spend anywhere from free.99 to about $100 on a date. Depends on how our relationship is going and if the girl is down to go see some places that don't require a lot of money to be spent.”
“I don't date very much; but most that I've went on have actually been Dutch. So I'll spend around $20.”
“On average I’ll say about $56. But there’s a definite double standard. Don't be mad that we call you a hoe ’cause you slept with a five guys and that we males will get a pat on the back for doing the same. Because I won't be mad that I have to pay for our outings, and you can save your money for rent.”
NWSO SAYS: “I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about.”
“For a first date I’ll probably spend between $40-60, because sometimes the chick will actually pay for something.”
“A cheap date would be $50, but if she got wifey potential it could be $150-$200 between nice dinner, cabs and drinks for a special occasion… NYC ain’t cheap no more.”
“For me, I would say maybe close to $100—that's if it's the dinner and movie thing. Otherwise, it could be nothing; I just take her to a nice scenic place and chill and have conversation.”