#59 You Can Be Flawed (Do You Believe in a Perfect Mate?)

Posted by NWSO • September 20, 2009 • Printer-friendly

You can be flawed
Because, honestly, who isn't?
We each carry emotional baggage from one relationship to the next
Until the load becomes too much for one person to carry
But maybe
We can lift this together

You can be flawed
Because I don't want to change you
I accept you the way you are (flaws and all)
But if you want to be better then I want to help you
I want to be able to uncover your lost innocence
Not out of pity
But because having you in my life makes me better

You can be flawed
Because, baby, I am too
I came from a dysfunctional family
I fear rejection
I am an imperfect perfectionist who realizes his own imperfections
You not only accept that
You respect it

You can be flawed
Because I want to grow with you
Be part of your healing process
Witness your evolution firsthand
Pick you up when you fall
And be that encouraging voice in your head

You can be flawed
Just don't be crazy
Because there's just some things that can't be fixed
I ain’t trying to be your daddy
I want to be your partner
Equals, that see eye to eye
My support will always be there but I can't be Him
Or take the fall for His mistakes

You can be flawed
But to me, you're perfect
All of your quirks make you unique
An individual
Not to sound cliché
But your imperfections draw me to you
Like a moth to a flame

You can be flawed
Because without those personality hiccups
You would be a different person
Someone other than who I know
Who I love
And at the end of the day
You and your flaws are all I want
All I need

Fin!

Do you believe that your soul mate has to be “perfect?” If so, how do you define perfection? Are you willing to compromise on certain things on your list of ideals for someone you truly love unconditionally? Have you ever overlooked someone’s flaws because of love? Did the relationship last or did those flaws eventually ruin the relationship? What are some flaws that you just can’t overlook?

Speak your piece…

Beyonce - Flaws And All
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Tagged as: Beyonce, flaws, flaws and all, Janet Jackson, love letter, love poem, perfect, poetry, That's the way love goes

http://thoughtsof100k.blogspot.com 100K

touching poem

*wipes eyes*
http://www.ajhayes.com A. Jarrell

How much I can deal with a person's flaws all depends on the flaw. I can't deal with needy girls that crave attention and positive reinforcement all the time. Shallow girls and I don't mix. Girls that are quirky or have social awkwardness I can handle.

I know myself well enough to realize when a certain flaw is just not going to mix well with my lifestyle. Once I see that particular flaw rear its carbuncle-plagued face, I'm out the door!

Oh, the poem was tight too. I didn't know you had it in you, NWSO. You're just full of surprises.
Kindra

Very Nice poem... I think more so it is an eye opener to those whom are still blind by wanting "perfection". I have always been able to place myself in the other persons shoes to determine whether or not the flaw they have is something I would want someone to deal with me. I think (as you stated) that we all want what we call perfect and because of that I believe that alot of people pass up GREAT potiental in searches for something that we think is perfect but really isnt. Its about opening your mind to possibilities and understanding to accept somethings for what they are.
Pineapple and Guava Juice

I don't feel like anyone is perfect, but there can be perfect relationships. I am willing to over look my partner's flaws if he doesn't have any negative or dangerous ones, such as accussing, suicidal tendencies, verbally or physically abusive, crazy.....then again those would not only be flaws but personality traits and I would run the other way.
http://www.myspace.com/jigeenakjigeen Nana Ataa

Beautiful poetry Ans. It would be wonderful if someone actually spoke these words to me. Really levels the playing field in a relationship.

I'm pretty tolerant of most people's flaws because - I have them too. I'm still working on getting to a point where I'm more tolerant / accepting of / comfortable with my own flaws and limitations.

Where perceived flaws (i.e. other people's) may become a problem for me is in the areas of communication style and arrogance/ego.

I view perfection in a relationship as the equivalent of a really well-matched relationship. Each person doesn't have to be perfect; but they do have to be perfect for each other.
yashaidyia

very eye catching your poem just reminded me who much my husband loves me he always would say I love you for your imperfect perfections this is why I love you my lovely flower and other stuff but I thank you for reminding me of the man I have as my King thank you
da ThRONe

I define prefection as our ability to adjust to each other. And more importantly the willingness to adjust.
Tacha

Nice . . . in a collective "awwww" and/or "will you be mine" type of way.
(I'm currently at a loss for a better adjective.)
http://www.twitter.com/ohsonattral ohsonattral

Love this post! I agree there is no such thing as a perfect person. The key is finding someone that is "perfect" for YOU!!! Flaws and all.
Lonias

Again...LOVE your prose...

How is it that someone is not in love with you?
gtdiva

I think your poem was beautiful.

Truthfully, most people don't want perfection and flaws in itself make us beautiful, but I agree with A. Jarrell, you have to know what flaw will mix well with yours.

And I really don't think you should have to be "tolerant" of someone else's flaws, because when you find your "soulmate", they will not consider these attributes as flaws, but just things or reasons that make you more beautiful ... afterall aren't we all works in progress?
http://www.justbeinc.org Tarana

This is so timely. I love it and not only do I have a love the surpasses flaws...I am so very, very, grateful that I have some one that overlooks MY flaws. I remember as a teen and in my early twenties I would have girlfriends who were so, so critical of dudes - like: "Why do he choke his shoelaces like that?" and "His Caesar ain't dark enough and the line ain't straight enough" and they would judge these young men harshly on these very superficial "flaws" if you will. These chics are single now. Nuff said. The bottom line is the "do unto others" perspective. We are all flawed in some way and the same imperfections that we ask to be looked over we should definitely extend to someone we claim to love. And I agree with you, the flaws make a person much more interesting....

P.S. Your poem IS beautiful...I agree with Lonias: "How IS it that someone is not in love with you?" I mean besides your secret crushes on the blog of course.

It's refreshing to see a man pushing himself and shedding old skin in a very real way like you do, you are clearly being prepared, shaped and molded for what God has in store for you...
janiesweets

Il love this post because it reminds me of a topic ive dealt with many times in my head. There is no such thing as a perfect being. We are all imperfect. However, there is such a thing as match and mis-matchs. The reason why we should respect true love is that even with all the imperfections, true love with another soul always wants to elevate you and put you at a higher level. In other words, someone who truly loves you is always willing to make sacrifices to change little things here and there in order to make sure that you are happy. Love is when someone notices the little imperfections about you and is not going to let those imperfetions get in their way of expressing their love to you-simply because true love is like gold and does not tarnish. If someone is not able to overlook tiny details of imperfections in you, that person is not your true love.
sylkiifeather

first i must say that i dont believe in soul mates...but thats another topic lol. i dont believe the person im with has to be perfect...thats stupid. of course nobody is perfect. perfection is in the eye of the beholder...so there is no definition for it. I am most definitely willing to compromise if i care about the person. but at the same time, i have a set of standards that i feel must be met. personally, my standards do not have anything to do with body or looks. its about personality and mentality. there are certain flaws that are unacceptable to me: a boring personality, being narrowminded and lack of ambition...just to name a couple.
Ms P

Beautiful poem.

No one is perfect, so I don't expect perfection. If I care for you, I can overlook some things. However, usually the things I overlook come back to haunt me. I do have deal breakers that simply cannot be overlooked...the need to ALWAYS be right...red flag. If you are always argumentative.. I am out. Those 2 traits I can't overlook.
supaclasse

The poem is so true and touching. Knowing there's not a perfect mate, but the right mate to take this journey of life is beautiful and I feel that's what God intends for the human race that's how we learn how to forgive, hope, love, faith, all feelings that are expressed bibicallly.
Noel Eniam

You're right in your poem...our flaws are part of what makes our journey unique along with our strengths. Flaws are definietly necessary and I believe that couples that can grow together can definitely survive together. I like the poem also because it's inspirational and lets me know that it's ok that i'm not perfect.
http://popinfresh26@yahoo.com popinfresh26

Yes it is a BEAUTIFUL poem, to repeat what everyone has said and it really touched my heart..
Achaia (Imperfectly perfect)

First Ans I want to say thank you for allowing me to be a part and to have insight of you while on you journey through Ramadan. I pose all of the questions elicited on your blog to my girlfriends and they think that I am this great intellect (so thanks). As far as your post while it is beautiful to think that someone will feel that way most won’t. To really accept someone for their imperfections is to truly love yourself because you know that you are not perfect.
Stormyweathers25

If people realized this simple thing I think many of us would find love, relationships and plenty of other things easier. Not that we want everything easy, sometimes you have to work (getting over the flaws perfect example).
Elle

Love the poem!

Personally, I believe in theory we all know that we're not perfect, nobody is perfect and no relationship will ever be perfect. Also, as long as we are in love we do see the flaws but due to the chemical imbalance in our brains generously overlook them or tell ourselves we can live with them.

But don't let the chemical imbalance we call "infatuation" or "being in love" wear off and be replaced by routine. That's when all of a sudden the things we found cute or intriguing start leaving a bad taste in our mouths. What once was overlooked and outweighed by all the good things is now being put under a magnifiying glass and eventually overshadows everything else.

That is the point in time I described in the other thread about why people cheat or eventually leave. That is the point in time the lingering hope for something better rears its ugly again. That is the point in time when we start feeling we deserve somebody better, richer, funnier, prettier, taller, slimmer, smarter, cleaner, sexier .... somebody who is perfect (to us). That is the point in time when being content is not only not enough but it is being mistaken for being unhappy.

Yes, I have overlooked flaws in the past, many of them, because when I am in, I am in and I love hard. I asked myself consciously whether I could see myself putting up with them for the rest of my life - and I could have even though some of them were severe. The relationships didn't end because of them but because of things my S/Os apparently couldn't live with.

I've always been very accepting and understanding of other people's "uniqueness" and never had a list of flaws I wasn't willing to put up with. Before, there were only 3 no-gos: lying, cheating & beating. Everything else could have been worked on together I thought.
I had to learn that not everybody is as "generous" as I am so now I've re-evaluated my list of no-gos and it has therefore undergone some major changes. After all, if I am not granted acceptance and understanding why would I give mines out so freely?
Shequita

I cosign with gtdiva!!
Rastaman

I am a pefectly flawed individual who loves other perfectly flawed individuals.

Our lives are as perfect as a roulette wheel, randomly trying to beat the odds.
Avah Royal

My soulmate doesn't have to be perfect. I can't define perfect because I dont know anyone who is.

Great Piece!
http://www.nosinglemamadrama.wordpress.com Ms. No Single Mama Drama

I think unconditional love is a beautiful thing - but, unfortunately, most of will never achieve it.

We are, after all, selfish beings, us humans, that is. We tend to think of self--and, for the most part, too much of self, if you ask me.

To love someone, unconditionally, means you have to set a part of yourself aside, the really selfish parts of yourself, and sacrifice your wants, needs and desires and, instead, put the other person first--almost like we do when we have children. This doesn't mean that you become something that you're not or a weak version of you. And, it doesn't mean you give it to someone undeserving. It means you give it to the person that is meant for you for a lifetime, not Mr. or Mrs. Right or Right Quick. It means that when finally surrender to the person that deserves you, you are strenthened through and by their love for you and yours for them.

But most of us, because of past hurts, are unable to trust or love a person unconditionally, unable to expose our true selves to someone, unable to get naked in front of someone, for fear if they see who we really are they might not love us. And God for bid they show us they become vulnerable and show us their true selves.

Getting butt naked in front of someone for the first time is scary--but remember, the first time only happens once, after that it gets easier and better...if that's the person God perfectly designed for you , complete with all their imperfections and yours.
Shay from L.A. (Los Angeles)

Lovely poem.

Do you believe that your soul mate has to be “perfect?”

Anyone that can deal with my crazy sense of humor is perfect in my opinion, lol.

Are you willing to compromise on certain things on your list of ideals for someone you truly love unconditionally?

I no longer have a list. If I click with a person and I am happy with him....he's a winner!

What are some flaws that you just can’t overlook

Drug use and violent tendencies.
merab

this is my first comment to most of staff u have sent to me am impressed, and l must say this is nice and it s true there is no such thing as perfect person an less u are god
rwamethkwanza

amazing way of putting true facts into writing. i wish all guys thought like you! i love my soul mate especially because he has his faults its the thing that makes a person real. call me a pessimist but am a believer in "when the deal is too good think twice" when a guy does everything right all the time, says all the right things, and is "perfect" am weary. in my mind there has to be something big that he has learned to hide so well .
That Guy

We are all perfect in our inperfections... Its about compatability and God granting the grace to endure whatever differences you have in "Love"
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Ms. Parker

WOW...this is beautiful! We all have imperfections and some baggage. But I am a believer that there is a perfect mate that is perfect for you (you meaning a person in general).
youarestupidwoman

to stupid people, there is no true love only money that each person after.
youarestupidwoman

to stupid people, there is no true love only money that each person is aftering.
youarestupidwoman

true love is only when you- to all stupid people .
youarestupidwoman

true love is only when you are young- to stupid people go to check up.
Drea S

i love this! it's so speaking to me as a person that's recently left my marriage and is getting ready to "get back out there". not sure what to expect, or what the expectations are. hopefully, i will find someone that understands that i am not perfect, nor am i looking for them to be. we just need to perfect for each other, anything else can be worked out. thank you.

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