Why Do Big Girls Get a Bad Wrap? (Big Is Beautiful)

My response to this could lead to an entire blog in of itself. I'll try to keep it somewhat brief. No promises. LOL.

First, everything plays a role in the people we choose. NBA players are in a position to choose likely from any type of female they want. They are in the limelight, they need/want a female that is going to give them 'props' (their fam, their boys, their teammates, the media). We'd like to think that we (the general masses) wouldn't dare to be that shallow.. but isn't there a historical reason as to why when a black man achieves more education/higher income.. he is more likely to date interracially? there is still a perception that having a white woman on ones arm is the final hurdle to being accepted. this is of course, a generalization, as not all black men do this for this reason - but the stats also back this up.

Now to your questions.

Do you think society gives plus-sized people a bad wrap?

Yes. They are either lazy people who eat too much, and dont exercise enough or unhealthy with diabetes and a heart attack looming. There is a difference between curvateous (sp?), thick, fat, overweigh and obese.

Are men of color more accepting of larger women or are they just as biased?

I think it's just more culturally accepted in our community to be thicker.

Does the same apply for larger men being accepted in communities of color?

I don't think this double standard translates to men. As Rick Ross video's show: a big dude can still get a 'thin' chick. As long as he has money. Wait.. did I just use a Rick Ross video to prove a point? Can I pull a Kanye on this answer?

Is there a double standard?

Yes.

What did you think of that comment about finances being a factor in who people date?

That the way it was said was ignorant - but it's true.

Do you think European standards of beauty have warped our on perception of self?

Yes. But we (black people) are our own worse enemy. The hair thing, starts with us as little girls, the light skin/dark skin thing is worse within our community than out, little kids are encouraged to shake their booty on camera for youtube..the beat goes on.

Are you too vain or shallow to date someone that was plus-sized?

I have in the past. I might in the future. As long as dude makes me laugh and treats me right - he has a shot. He's gotta be taller than me though.

How important are looks to you over how someone treats you?

Anyone who says personality is MORE important than looks is lying. Personality BECOMES more important if you want something long-term. You wouldn't get to that point if the looks weren't what you wanted them to be.

I'm a thick/curvy/fat (depends on your perception and how i'm feeling about myself that day) girl who is friends with a thin modelesque girl. I will say that dating/beauty is just as difficult for her. Since black women are 'expected' to have shape, she doesn't feel like she fits the black standard of beauty = her belief that black men aren't attracted = her self-fulfilling prophecy of only attracting white men.

There are no easy answers, just hopefully honest dialogue.

I find it funny how often guys who aren't attractive and don't measure up to any physical standards expect perfection from women. They got some f---ing nerve. Particulary with alot of these music videos. God bless them, because they are somebody's child, but damn ---Gucci Mane (more like Gremlin man), Webbie, Chamillionaire, etc. How are they gonna even going to put their lips together to tell somebody they are unattractive. tHEY NEED TO BE QUIET.I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

OK *Tron cracks his knuckles*

First I think society has less to do with the lack of attraction for big people than genetic. We are engineered to mate with healthy people and more often than not over weight people have more health issues. I do understand that in some cultures the more size means the more access to food with in turn means more wealth. But that is tampering with the natural order of things. Much like the idea that attractive people of African decent should have European features.

I think we go to far with being "PC". If you have a problem with how you look or where you are in life do something to change it.(ofcourse I base this off of things that can be changed naturally) Dont expect people to spare your feeling just because you are too lazy to improve you. Either except the way you are and keep it moving. Or do something about it.

Im sick of being looked at as the bad guy because of what hurt people feeling change everyday! Grow the fuck up! Whats the difference what somebody calls you? Its just words. Whats important is how those people view you. I call my Niece fat all the time and shes 6. She knows at 6 that she is singlely the most important person in my life and laugh at me calling her fat because her self confidence is threw the roof just where we want her at. Which leads me to my other point the only thing more important then how other view you is how you view yourself.

Man I havent wrote this much in one post in a min!

It is all a matter of preference. If you like your women big, small, plus size, super sized its your preference. Some like a coke bottle and some like their coke botle to be a 4 liter. I have happen to be a 4 liter coke bottle. It is my mans preference to not just like me but love me. If you as a man don't prefer a big/fat woman, FINE. That's great because its your opinion. Its when these certain people want to voice their opinions to the men that do prefer or even to the big/fat women themselves. I have been discriminated against for my wait. I've been made to feel less adequate because of my size. I am really not what most people expect and once they know me, they love me.
My father says other peoples opinions are like buttholes everybody has one and they all stink.

@Enlighten

You bring up a real good point. Why do people tell other people what they should like or how they should feel about things?

As far as the shallow thing goes. Sexually attraction is important in relationships and is a huge (no pun intended) reason why couples falter. Real love is unconditional but the process of getting there is and should be some what shallow and selfish. Its one of life mysteries!

Me likey this subject!
I will not date a fat woman.
I will date a skinny, really dark, bald, flat chested, with a booty sister. I will not date anyone who is not health conscious. I have slept with a fat girl or two who I felt were exceptionally not just attractive physically for some reason (smaller waistline accentuating the booty, huge breastises), but the personality was shining.
But back to I will not date a fat woman. Beauty is subjective and having said that, I make my own rules and don't care for anyone else's really. If I date outside my race I won't date a woman who is even thick, even on the borderline of (I also won't sleep with a large woman outside my race, who figures [pun intended). If I can't lift her, I won't date her.
Bottom line is, I don't care about the magazines, movies, yours or my mama's opinions on what beauty is, I'll choose.

Past that, I can't see your personality from across the room. I am considered shallow and superficial and am soooo more than cool with that. Love a gym woman!

I also disagree that men of color tend to like larger women, get out and travel for those of you who even have a passport. The American beauty thing in movies is usually put out by other women and homosexuals, and men don't tend to even look at those magazines. Soooo, get over yourselves. Go to venues (moo parties) that cater to people who like you. And don't hold your breath for someone who you consider attractive to be attractive to you. Make self worth and confidence a priority and all this crap about who likes fat or what not won't even matter.

As I continue to rant. There was an episode of Oprah years ago (not that I even watch) on this subject matter and some survey on the episode that said large (fat) African American (black) women, tend to have better self esteem than their other race counterparts, unless of course the other race/ethnicity is already large (Tonga) and that is the norm.

Ok that's enough....

Well actually, there are tons of ugly (again subjective so get over it) skinny girls out there as well. Then the pretty N'assatalls and the ever aethetically displeasing above the neck, Buthafaces. There you have it, speak your minds people, don't lie to yourselves with all the candy coated, pulling punches stuff. Subjective is the key word in all this. Get over yourselves and keep your preferences intact regardless of environment.

@sweetness

And for the record I am very positive and considerate to my niece. How do you think her baby swag got so high in the first place? But if you expect me to bullshit her its not going happen. How is that helpful to her? What would you like me to tell her? "Hey mami uncle thinks you are slightly over weight and should cut back on the sweets and fried stuff. Go outside more and be active atleast one hour a day." I dont do that Nick @ Nite bullshit its "Hey lil girl put them fries down and go yo lil fat ass outside". I dont care if you like how I rely my point thats my way you dont like it dont have kids with me or leave me your brats!

I was teased unmercifully by my older brother as a kid. I would cry for hour and hour(man I was such a pussy). Point is after that there was nothing other people could do to get under my skin I had been through the worst anybody could do. It is to that I credit my infinite amount of self love to.

@GV

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Dizzee Rascal!!!! *hi5* Lawd, nothing hotter than the UK accent.

Anyways.

The finances logic is BS. I'm a US size 12 and have dated pro-ballers in the past and other very affluent dudes. So yea, ZEEZUZ needs to re-think his shortsighted line of thinking.

And amommyslove said it all. Can't add anything. Much more pretty women of all sizes walking this earth in comparison to men. Men need to step their game up looking like hot messes and still having an ego like a superstar. Puhlease.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

Before I get into why I don’t date big women, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am 38 years old. I am half black, one quarter Jewish and one quarter American Indian; however, I identify myself with the African American community. I have a master’s degree. I’ve played organized sports my entire life and the closest I got to play professionally was college football. It is now 12:38 pm and I just ate my third meal of the day. By 9:00 pm, I would have eaten 7 meals. As of this writing, I weigh 186 lbs, my body fat is 2%. I’m 71 inches tall and at no point, in my entire life have I been overweight… never. Let me add that I travel overseas immensely and have visited or lived in many international locations (this will be important later).

I care about my physical features, my health, my education and I believe whole-heartedly that I am responsible for everything that happens to me.

Now, why do Americans care so much about weight? Why do big women get a bad rap? And more specifically to the African American community, why is there a myth that black men like “thick” women? According to the latest statistics […], Americans are the unhealthiest people in the Western hemisphere. And of all Americans, black folks are the fattest. That’s according to the numbers. Personally, I believe that black people make the most excuses as to why they are fat but I have no data to back that up. Let face the facts, if black folks had a proper diet and exercise regime, we as a people wouldn’t be fat. Blacks aren’t fat because they were born that way, or because they are big-boned, or my favorite excuse, “cause I got a thyroid condition.” If thyroid condition impacted the black community the way we claim, then over 90% of us would be impacted (but that isn’t the case according to the numbers […]).

Ever heard that crazy saying that men typically date women that are like their mothers? I always thought that was a weird saying but if the myth that black men like thicker women, I wonder what their momma’s looked like. Chances are, their momma’s are fat too. By the way, neither of my parents who have been married for 40 years, nor their parents are fat or anything close to it. Maybe I like fit women because my mother is thin. I doubt it but I thought I’d just say it because, as a community, we like excuses… it helps to explain our condition in life. I’ve digressed. Lets go down memory lane. Remember when your mother (or in most cases, grandmother) took us to eat McDonalds for breakfast and we begged for Popeye’s for dinner. Remember when momma used to cook with Crisco? Remember all the junk food from the “track store”, the Juju beads, the hot O’ke Do kee popcorn, the pig feet? I know you do because I remember my mother telling me that I couldn’t eat that stuff. Well, just like any kid, I disobeyed my parents but I didn’t pay for it by getting a whipping. Rather, I paid for it by getting cramps while playing baseball or running track. Hate to admit it but momma told me that would happen.

But what happened to you fatty? What’s your excuse for being overweight? You’re an adult now so why don’t you take control of your life. Do you think it’s sexy to look at rolls of fat that you mislabel as “love handles”? What about that double chin? I guess you think that’s cute too. Sure, I think that a sista with a fat ass is fun to look at but I ain’t trying to get in a relationship with you. You are fat for two reasons and two reasons only, your diet and your workout ethic. What amazes me is that the number one killer in the black community is heart disease. The number one cure to combat heart disease is exercise and the one activity that black women don’t partake in is… you guessed it, EXERCISE. And oh, the number one excuse for not doing exercises? “My hair.” Forget about a sista swimming laps, jogging miles, biking on off-road bike trails or anything that would make their hair sweat (unless of course you are Venus Williams, Lisa Leslie or ???. Those ladies rather stack their chips up, have amazing bodies and hire some of the best hairstylist in the world to deal with the hair issue).

As I mentioned at the beginning of this note, I have traveled and lived everywhere and it is for this reason why I don’t understand when the author says Americans are consumed with weight. Everywhere I gone, I noticed that “they” were concerned with their weight too… it’s just that “they” actually do something about it. And when I say “they”, I am talking about the women who live in different countries, especially the sista’s who live in different countries. Black women in South America workout and have the bodies to prove it. So do the black women in Paris, Italy, Jamaica, Canada and Asia (if you didn’t know, black people are born there too). Do these women have special gifts, super powers, and greater willpower? Short answer: No.

What they have is a better diet. And they work out.

I feel as if I’ve gone on too long here in responding to this post; but, I just had too. I am tired of hearing excuses of why black women are fat and why men don’t date them. Fact of the matter is that black women aren’t fat, black American women are fat. Black American women have horrible diets and they ultimately pay for it later in life, or at least that used to be the case. Just the other day, I saw this little black girl, 12 years old, who weighs 180 lbs. I just assumed she had a medical condition until I saw what she was eating. The apple didn’t fall to far from the tree either; her mother and grandmother were just awful looking. The child doesn't know better and apparently, the adults in her life don't care.

Nevertheless, I would never date someone who doesn’t respect her body inside and out. And don’t give me any crap about beauty on the inside… what could your insides possibly look like if it’s filled with fried chicken, ribs and whatever other fast foods go in there on a regular basis? Not only do I want my woman to give birth to healthy kids but I also want her to have the energy to chase after them.

So fatty, put down that can of soda and pick up that bottle of water. Eat seven healthy meals through out the day and let go of the garbage you pick up from the drive thru window. Trade in that luxury automobile and get a paid-in-full gym membership with a trainer and nutritionist. And for god-sakes, please sell that Gucci purse and Gucci heels if you are looking for extra cash to get “yo hair did” on a weekly basis. Your man may lie to you and say that he loves your plus-sized ass but trust me, Mariah Carey outfitted head to toe with gear from Walmart will turn his head more than your chunky self “wit yo hair did and yo designer shoes”. Believe that.

One more mention: I know there are those of you who say you eat healthy and work out regularly but are still fat, there is always the segment who believe that they are the exception to the rule. My response is that we are the sum of our life choices. If you are in your thirties and have been doing your body good for the past 10 years will not make up for the first 20 years of your life eating garbage. You get out what you put in.

As I conclude this response; women, I have a question for you. The ones that consider themselves to be real sista's, the ones that say beauty is within. How many of you would date a man that is considered by society to be a "little person"? Let's also say that this little person is also Asian and wears hair plugs... would you date him? Now remember, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside but how beautiful one is on the inside. I do believe most of you out there wouldn't, despite the fact that this little person has a great personality. I guess your argument would be that you simply aren't attracted... which is fine. But, if you aren't attracted to a man who is shorter than you and wears hair plugs, then don't expect men to date women that are bigger than them and wears weave... because most men just don't consider it attractive.

Well, I’ll be eating my fourth meal shortly and then I’m going to knock out 2.5 miles on the treadmill. Maybe I’ll see you at the gym.

@Brazil

I understand your point of view that the reason people are 'big' (sorry I hate the word 'fat') is because they either eat too much or are too lazy to do anything about it. An individual has to make a conscious effort themselves to lose weight if they want to...that's a decision that comes from within and no one else can tell them to do that. Plus, of course a lot of people still need to be educated like the 180lb 12 year old girl you mention.

However, I have to admit that the tone of your comment came across a little patronising. (Apologies if this wasn't your intention). For example, was it really necessary to say 'fatty, put down that can of soda' or 'what happened to you, fatty'? Like I said, I do understand your point though.

Aside from the people who choose to be big, some actually have psychological reasons for overeating - it's their way of dealing with things. There are also people who are naturally slim like my sister, for example. My sister and I used to eat exactly the same stuff, yet she would never gain a pound and has never set foot in a gym whereas I would have to work out every other day just to maintain my weight.

Also, I don't think NWSO said that it was only Americans who were consumed by weight issues. I think it was more about why should people have to conform to the European (or as I said American) standard. Of course the issue is global and there's a whole thriving weight loss industry.

As for who you date, that is entirely subjective and yes I'm sure there are many people who would not opt for a plus size girl. However, you then went on to compare this to dating a 'little Asian' person. IMO I think you're comparing apples and oranges. People can lose weight whenever they want to but your features and race are something you're born with and can't change (unless you're MJ RIP). And you were wrong for mentioning the Asian race! What if you met a really nice plus size girl who you actually get on with really well? Surely, if she was willing to work on the weight issue with your support, it is possibly something that could be overcome no? Or would you not even talk to her in the first place?

@Elle *hi5 back!* lol

@ da Throne

wow... u must need a hug. lol

that's funny

@GV1584, Thanks for reading my long post. I made the comparison to an Asian that is a little person to illustrate a point, that black women have double standards on many topics. An overweight black woman would say she was born that way and to love her for who she is. Well, a little person is born that way also but you don't see many black women considering a man shorter than them. I used Asian because many black women wouldn't consider a man of a different cultural background. I think this is a double standard. If big and black is beautiful, then so is short and Asian. Again, the point is why consider dating a plus size woman if a plus sized woman wouldn't consider dating someone she is not attracted to?

No, I would never approach an overweight woman because I don't find being overweight attractive. (What's big and what's overweight? Shaq is big, Charles Barkley is overweight). I would continue to date a woman who gains weight during the course of our relationship, but let's face it, birds of a feather flock together and I usually end up with women who share my belief on diet and exercise.

I agree, some people are born with the ability to eat anything and not gain a single pound. Well, some people are born with the ability to pass every test and not study a single book. I'm not one of those folks and so I study twice as hard to be just as smart. I have only one life to live and I won't live it uneducated, unfit and I apologize if you think I'm being unkind. If you have to work twice as hard to acheive a result then just do it. 

We are not a society focused on looks but people know when something is out of balance. There is nothing natural about being overweight. No one gets fat from a healthy diet. People try to get skinny by finally adopting a healthy diet but sometimes we are slow to move on change. And the mental blocks are just another excuse in my book. A convenient one at that. People do what they want to do. If you want to stop drinking alcohol, then don't drink it. If you want to stop smoking, then stop. The problem with people stopping is the excuses they make for continuing their behavior. And yet, at the end of the day it's just that, an excuse.      

i a big chick and you know lately i been reading all the blogs and u know what i am working on my weight and i am about to go hard losing it. deep down the big girl will never be accepted someone mention above about how the men are upstate and there right we get shitted on. Its the same rhetoric on all these blogs. I won't date a big chick cause of this or i sleep with one but won't date her in public.....You know what i am sick of it i understand people opinion it's cool. either love us or leave us alone

Disclaimer: I am merely speaking from my very personal perspective, experiences and opinions.

Most of you know I live in Europe, Germany to be exact. Healthy diet is something we are being taught from young ages on. So in theory we know what to eat and what to stay away from. Groceries are cheap where I am from. Not just groceries but the healthy stuff as well. Fruits, veggies, organic products and so on. The food industry is well aware that we do not intend to put crap into our bodies, are educated about ingredients, which chemical does what etc. Therefore they do not even dare to use the same ingredients in the same products in Europe vs. what they'll use in America (US Kellogg's Cornflakes is made with genitcally altered corn while they make the European Cornflakes from regular corn. Cows are not being artificially blown up with Insulin and therefore you won't find Insulin in our milk, meat, sausages because it would go against health standards which are set for our food by the government.)
On top of all of that, we live comfortably even in tough times like we are seeing now. People do not struggle with survival like they are in the US. People are not losing their homes. People do not have to work 4 jobs to barely make ends meet.

Why am I saying all of this?
I cannot speak for any other country in the world. But it is much easier to live healthy in Germany than it is to do in the US. From my time spent in L.A. and Philly I found buying groceries and cooking from scratch to be more expensive than getting a burger. Groceries are crazy expensive if compared to what I am used to. Especially veggies, fruit, fresh fish, organic milk, eggs & meat are expensive. Yes, I can buy 5 TV dinners for 10 bucks but I'd have to spend 10 times as much if I wanted to buy all the groceries to make 10 dinners myself. And THAT is where part of the problem lies.
The other part is time. Regular people who may not have that college education have badly paid jobs and therefore need to work more hours to be able to pay their bills. Sometimes a person will hold 3 or 4 jobs. I can understand why in between working and communiting to the next job or home a person who may have not eaten all day will get ready made junk food instead of spending another hour in the kitchen trying to make a meal. Especially when somebody who already struggles financially most likely won't be able to buy the "good groceries" anyways.

Low paid jobs = poverty = no funds for a healthy diet/ gym = health issues such as obesity

It's easy to put oneself on a pedestal and look down on everyone else who has not managed to make it up there. But to actually see and understand the struggles of everyday people requires "education of the heart". When you are struggling to survive, going to the gym or calculating the calories you are eating are the last things on your mind.

We live in a very shallow and vain world where a lot of folks can’t get past what someone looks like. We often forget that physical “beauty” can disappear in an instant while inner beauty is eternal!!! MISTER MAN U SAID IT ALL RIGHT HERE!!! IMA BIG GURL N I JUS FEEL IF SOMEONE DONT LIKE IT, DONT LOOK! ONE MANS TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE N TO EACH THEIR OWN! THESE CATS THAT GOTTA TALK DOWN TO SOMEONE (THE CAT CALLIN HIS NIECE FAT N THE BOY WITH THE "FATTY PUT DOWN THE POP" HANGUP...THESE KINDA FOLKS DOWNGRADE OTHERS TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES IS HOW I SEE IT...PERIOD! SO WITH THAT SAID, COMMENTS THAT IGNORANT PEOPLE MAKE, I ENCOURAGE IT, IF TALKIN BOUT ME WILL MAKE U FEEL BIIGER, BETTER, N MORE OF A MAN, BY ALL MEANS, TAKE UR BEST SHOT CAUSE BABY IM 33YRS OLD N U CANT SAY SHIT I AINT ALREADY HEARD N ACTUALLY I COULD PROB TEACH U MORE INSULTS TO SAY SO WHEN U COME AT ME, U BETTER COME HARD OR STAY ON THE PORCH WITH THE BITCHASS PUPPIES CAUSE IM BETTER THAN THAT N WILL ONLY HURT UR FEELINGS AS I LAUGH AT U AND YOUR IGNORANCE!! AND WE AINT GOTTA WORRY ABOUT WHAT U "BOYS" THINK, CAUSE THERE ARE SOME "GROWN ASS MEN" OUT HERE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY WANT N LIKE AND ARE NOT SO NARROWMINDED THAT LOOKS IS ALL THAT MATTERS... I CAN LOSE WEIGHT IF I WANT, U CANT WASH THE UGLY OFF AND ITS UR ATTITUDE LIKE THIS THAT MAKES UUUUUU THE HIDIOUS ONE.... IMA PRAY FOR YALL!!
"IF IT AINT THICK, IT AINT RIGHT!!"

P.S. THIS KIND OF IGNORANCE IS JUST ANOTHER FORM OF RACISM SO THAT MAKES U NO BETTER THAN A MEMBER OF THE "KKK"! BLESS YOUR UGLY SOUL SON!!

@ Elle - touché

@ Brazil - touché

@ da ThRONe - smdh

Hmm I guess I'm a little tardy for the party....lol but here are my two cents. Before I go any further...let it be known that I am a big girl. But I have also been the thin chick as well. So I can comment from both sides of the spectrum. I do feel that everyone has made valid points. It isn't as easy as eat healthier meals/workout and you lose weight. Well let me correct that. It is that easy, but what resources do we have to accomplish this?! Buying QUALITY fruits,vegetables, and lean meat really isn't an option for some people. Not when tomatoes are $3.99/lb....I'm not necessarily using that as an excuse, but it is a factor. Also, I grew up in the south...Texas to be exact. The food that I make is the same food/recipes that my grandmother made when I was a child. See when I was a skinny chick (128lbs) I could eat whatever I wanted. All of the cakes, smothered pork chops, mac & Cheese I wanted, and I never gained a lb. But depression set in (and no, it didn't cause me to eat for psychological reasons...I ate b/c it was good, like I always did. I just didn't get out of bed....for a GOOD long while) THIS is what made me gain 50lbs....say what you will. Call me lazy, don't believe me, think there is more to the story if you want. But you will never know how that is until you are there.
ANYWAY, I have DEF tried to eat healthier...I've bought the high priced tomatoes (mind you this is just an example..I do buy other vegetables...lol) But I honestly don't know how to cook them (and enjoy the taste..lol). I have been online, I've bought healthier cookbooks...and it's just not working for me in the kitchen. Once again, this isn't an excuse to me being overweight, but it is a factor. I'm very much aware that correlation doesn't equal causation.

But on the OTHER end, I def don't workout like I could. I have a gym membership, but they haven't seen me in quite sometime. I DEF know that I need to lose weight for HEALTH reasons ( I could care less what people like Brazil & Throne think). But I don't. I'm not sure what it will take for me to become more serious about my weight, but hopefully I will get there.

I said all of that to say this. You can have your own opinions about dating someone who is plus-sized. But degrading them is not really the answer. If you REALLY cared about people being overweight for health reasons, then maybe you should offer to workout or give healthy cooking lessons to the "big" people you know. They have already heard enough people tearing them down. Why can't you help (re)build them up.

To Brazil....first of all, your analogy was WAYYYY off. A short Asian man can't help his GENETIC physical make-up. So for you to say would I date "him" and try to compare them to a plus-sized person is off the mark. A plus sized person CAN control their physical characteristics. The can lose weight and become one of the people you date...there is nothing a short Asian man can do to become taller. Secondly, no one said you had to approach a big girl. Relationships form in a number of ways. Is it not possible for you to become attracted to a big girl's personality if you work with them, or maybe you all strike up light banter during a routine activity. You are limiting yourself to the scope of you "trying to holla" at a female.

To Throne....I'm glad that you are teaching your niece to have high self-esteem. But have you ever though that there are other ways of going about telling her that she is overweight. And then might I add...she is 6....if you are only occasionally telling her that she is overweight...chances are she's really not. And even if she is...she still has to go through puberty. I was overweight when I was younger (not 6....more like 9) I was EXTREMELY overweight....like maybe 120lbs maybe....but with that being said...I only gained 8 lbs by the time I graduated from high school. I hit puberty. I grew, I played b-ball, ran track, cheerleading, softball,tennis...etc. Give her time. I have a niece now...she's 12. I would never tell her that she is fat. But by our societies standards, she is, or atleast her weight suggests she is. See she weighs 178.....but she's 5'9....and still growing. So I really don't expect her to gain that much more weight b/c she is about to start up with sports in school.

I tend to date men of all sizes...except for morbidly obese...that's my preference. And that's only because he probably can't do the things that I like to do. Although I am a big girl, I still like to do outdoor things. I would prefer a man that works only b/c he could motivate me to stay in the gym.

Sorry for the monologue!!!

@MissMe83

Im glad you dont care what people think which is my point. I wish you all the luck! You should wanna get right for your own reasons. I just dont wanna here any excuses. Either get right or STFU!

Why would anybody date somebody who their not sexually attracted to?

U AGREE WITH PATRICA ON WHAT SHE SAID BUT I ALSO THINK THAT BEFORE A MAN JUDGES A BIG/THICK/FAT OR WHAT EVER THEY CALL US THEY SHOULD GET TO KNOW US FIRST. BECAUSE THEY NEVER KNOW WE CAN BE THE SWEETEST PEOPLE AND WE CAN BE THE MEANEST IF SOMEONES CROSSES THE LINE.

It's ALL been said, so to change the tone slightly:
Thanks Nana.....The Thick Chick poet was da-bomb! @ NWSO: I think you coulda used a pic of Monique to represent the big Gurls and it woulda been accepted and complimented bcuz she has REAL, undeniable style. OR, you coulda used Queen Latifah, another super sexy thick gurl.....

@ Ans: my brotha, U know better than most: U can NEVA, never-eva, please ery'body....lol, but you do a good job and go a long way in hittin the mid stream just right, though I must confess to be somewhat apprehensive about your taste since U have stated more than once that you don't see Mariah Carey as being the fiine azz hottie that she is...and now U state that you think Monique is plain...smdh.....But alas, to each his own. I won't hold it against you. Hell, you can't be right about everything!

Okay so maybe I'm a 14 so what. lol. But I squeezed my ass into a size 12 pencil skirt last week and I'm celebrating dammit. I haven't stepped on the scale in a month. I think I may have dropped a few more pounds. YES!

Its amazing all the comments cruel or supportive. Some of the comments have been down right ugly. It almost seems to be as ugly as a white person calling a black person a N@#$A. I really cannot understand why people feel strongly about this subject to be so nasty about this subject. If you don't like big woman, then you don't. For those who have never been big, overweight or obese, then don't speak about what you don't know. How can you say all people need to do such and such when you've never personally experienced it?

Be real. If you don't like it fine, let's not be nasty.

@Enlighten

I dont see where anybody is being nasty towards anybody. If you dont like the terms being used thats one thing but people have only expressed their opinions.

The idea that you have to be over-weight to comment on what makes people over-weight is just not accurate.

Weight issues and race issues cant even be compared. You cant change your race but you can control weight.

@Righteous Mama

All that Hallmark stuff sounds great but what about the dudes your not feeling. We are all shallow to some extent. I befriended a plus size girl last year. Everytime we use to hang out she would aways talk about other people especially other big(ger) girls. Or she would talk about dudes she wouldnt date and why. Sexually attraction is (once again) as important of a attribute as a person personality.

I understand every man has their preference but when it comes to the mass media that is not owned by people who look like us constantly potraying being slim as they the way to look as if it is mandatory, it really disgusts me. I'm slim myself but I am grateful to have friends of different sizes and I treat none of them any different. It saddens me that in the so called land of opppurtunity people are bashed for so many different reasons. If you travel to different countries outside the U.S. and you'll see that they don't prejudge anyone. We need to take down these devils behind the media and take back our confidence.

@Righteous Mama

My point is there are things that attracted you one person and not the other that are shallow. And weight is a very legit reason. It makes more sense then the way a person dress or the car they drive like a lot of females choose whos sexy.

Second we didnt date we just hung out! And that was just me making a point. Plus it wasnt just her its alot of people I know who will be the first to talk about people when they're in the same boat.

@DA THRONE.... I was speaking about not having ur own personal opinion but on the fact people saying its just as simple as putting down a soda. You just need some will power.

Its like saying somebody understands being black
because they have been discriminated against. U right can't change being black but can lose the weight. Yeah its really that easy as having some will power. That's why there are so many overweight people. We can all go and get will power and it will be easy. There maybe a lot of other issues connected. I'm just saying not as black and white as people make it seem.

Why is being unkind, mean or ugly about somebody else is just seen as telling the truth? Tearing down somebody else is considered just sharing ones opinion. I not just talking about this but in general.

Again, great post NWSO****stepping up on my soap box****.....now, let me begin by saying that I am a caramel, plus-sized, mid-western beauty who just happens to have natural hair (ie no color, no relaxer, no straightening.....curly afro). If you don't believe me.....(http://www.blackplanet.com/Afrocentrikitty) I have been considered 'plus-sized', fat, thick, big, whatever the current phrase is, since I was a little girl. I've heard, 'you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose 0 lbs, you would be gorgeous' more times than I'd like to admit. I've been talked about, I've been looked past, and I've also been made to feel less of a woman/less attractive because of someone else's opinion of me and my weight. One thing that I have never,EVER had a problem with is turning heads of the opposite sex. I used to be a little shy, but, once I came out of my shell, I became a full on Diva. I have friends of all shapes, sizes, and colors and have been told at one time or multiple times by all of them, including my guy friends, how much admiration they have for my sense of style, my positive attitude, and the way that I carry myself. Ignorance abounds but it is your personal job to be knowledgeable and not fly off the handle every time someone says something that we know in our heart isn't right. Bottom line is that people base their decisions off of their preference. Yes, we larger people get a HORRIBLE wrap. We are NOT all lazy, I have been athletic since the age of 10 and done just about every sport that one could think of. I was even a cheerleader (the only one that could do a decent split, thank you very much!) and the biggest girl on the squad. We are not all lazy, there is a such thing as genetics. The double standard for men and women really sucks, but, it is there. The statement about the finances was UBER ignorant and that person is yet another example of what I stated before. I agree that as a people we black folks tend to be more tolerant of thicker people. I'm not going to answer all of the questions you posed, but, I am going to end with this. If you don't like bigger women/men then don't date us. But, just because YOU don't like what you see, that DOES NOT (a) entitle you to say what you want and (b) mean that somebody else won't like it. ****stepping down off my soap box****

I definately believe that bigger girls get a bad wrap ive always been fat til about 4 yrs ago when i lost 80 pds and now i'm pretty hot. I get so much attention that i didn't even know existed because i was fat. I also do believe that men definately do not want to be seen with a bigger woman but i think thats just cause they have no confidence and men care about what the boys say. so corny. when i was bigger most of my dates were inside and now i get taken everywhere.
I think if a woman is happy with how she looks then thats screw everyone else and if not like i was for so long then there is always something you can do about it becasue to me there is no food in the world better than the great feeling and attention i get from men

im prolly the only ''honkey''(''whitey'' - whatever term is used today) in here, but thats besides the point. i have no problem with dating over-weight women just so long as they desire and love my inner me. women(oriental, hispanic, white, black, polka-dotted - makes no difference to me) who put the guys cock length and bank balance above else are the most repulsive bitches on this earth.

the girls you picked for the pic are ugly lol.. u cuda got someone sexier like Monique or Queen Latifah. I recently lost a lot of weight and I feel like my hips and thighs that everyone loves are gone now. Boo. =( trying to find that middle ground is hard.

Pity that many people think that if you're overweight you're eating very poorly. I hadn't had sugary drinks (other than on the rare occasion) in years. Drank alcohol rarely. Ate pretty balanced meals (although I skipped breakfast too often). I was terribly sedentary with a professional desk job and long hours. I didn't feel like much more than a walk with my dogs or tossing a ball, once I got home. Now I get up and do 2 miles in the morning and 2 hours in the evening and pilates twice a week. With a good 70 lbs to lose, I've lost at less than a pound a week. If you're working this hard and losing this slowly, it's easy to see how you'd give up. In 50+ years, I've never met an exercise I liked.

Personally, I don't care whether men like heavier women or not but I do think that poor men and particularly poor black men have fewer choices. So, they learn to appreciate what is available to them. In poor neighborhoods and especially poor minority neighborhoods, that may mean an overweight woman. And you don't see many popular men with heavy women and I can't recall too many wealthy men with overweight women. (Ebert being an exception to the rule.)

As to why more minority women are overweight, I believe there are a number of reasons. 1. Genetically, if we survived the crossing, we were probably more prone to hold on to our fat once we had enough to eat. 2. Slavery and generations of poverty have taught us bad eating habits that we have grown to see as cultural. Why would anyone with money really eat chiterlins? Vegetables cooked in pork fat? 3. Poverty makes eating healthy not impossible but certainly more difficult. It's cheaper to eat fattening fast food - burgers, pizza, chinese food - than to travel a greater distance outside your neighborhood to find veggies and fresh meat, to then come home and and spend considerable time to prepare it. Exercise when you're tired is hard to convince anyone to do. And exercise and dieting can be harder when all around you are not doing the same. We live in a society that defines beauty and desirability - TV, movies, billboards, magazines. It's hard to escape that and have an opinion that differs from society's norms. I do think it's interesting that the definition of female beauty has grown to resemble young boys more than the Liz Taylors and Marilyn Monroes of yesteryear.