Red Light Special (Would You Have Sex On Your Cycle?)
I have a confession to make. I actually felt a little bad about what happened last week when my homegirl “Ms. Inappropriate” threw Maxwell under the bus in my vlog, “What Are Gay Lips?” For those that missed it, she basically ran through this theory that a person’s sexuality can be determined just by looking at their lips and she happened to use Maxwell as an example.
It’s a free country and Ms. Inappropriate is welcome to her opinion but I don’t buy the whole Maxwell-is-gay theory—especially based off his lips. I don’t know who the man sleeps with and, truthfully, I don’t care because it’s none of my business. But during the course of my Internet travels the other day I actually came across an article that would suggest Maxwell is quite straight.
According to Bossip, during a show in Atlanta Maxwell made the following declaration to the crowd: “I don’t care if it’s that time of the month, we can put towels down.”
Whoa!
Who knew your boy Max liked to run a few red lights?
As for me, that’s not very high on my list of things to do—again. I won’t even lie and say I never had a conversation with Aunt Flow when she was in town for a visit. Even still, though, those instances were few and far between. More importantly, such episodes occurred only with someone I was very familiar with intimately and under duress of extreme horniess on her part.
I’ll go out on a limb and just say what most men are thinking. When the woman you’re dealing with regularly is on her monthly the first thought that crosses your mind is: It’s Head Week or I’ll see you in approximately four to five days.
Don’t get me wrong, I know how sexist that sounds and there’s no guarantee that her cycle will make her feel up to such things. But a man can dream can’t he?
Anyway, that’s beside the point.
The idea of having a red light special with someone is extremely intimate. Although I give Maxwell props for letting his freak flag fly, I’m assuming his towel action is reserved strictly for his special lady and not some random sidepiece. Trust I’ve heard of dude’s going raw with their jump-off on the rag.
Dis-gust-ing!
Sorry, there ain’t no coochie good enough for me to get burned while I'm up in it and that's realer than Real Deal Holyfield (word to Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg). I just know better than to throw all caution to the wind and put my life at risk for some ass. On top of that—towel or not—it’s just a “messy” situation all around that I’d rather avoid until Aunt Dot has left the building.
The thing is, it seems like some girls are even hornier when it’s that time of month. I had this one girlfriend back in the day that was infamous for pulling the water trick just so she could get a quickie when she was feeling icky. The idea was that by douching or throwing some water up there she could buy about five burgundy-free minutes of loving.
It’s probably just an old wives’ tale but you’ll try anything when you’re young, dumb and horny. NOTE: Don’t even try that on a heavy day ’cause your condom will end up looking like a butcher’s knife.
**Shudders at the thought**
At the end of the day, though, I’d much rather just wait until Aunt Flow has flown the coop because 1) Red light sex usually isn’t that great anyway—mad awkward and uncomfortable 2) Towel or not, blood stains are a b*tch and a half to get out should there be any accidents 3) ThatsABadLook.com (coming soon) to engage in higher risk sexual activity like that.
Sorry, Maxwell, you’re on your own with this one.
What do you think of Maxwell’s towel statement? Have you ever run a red light? Are people in long-term relationships more comfortable with running a red light? Do you think it’s wise for someone with multiple partners to run a red light? Would you run a red light on your wedding night or on a romantic vacation? Are women really hornier at that time of month? Is it wrong for guys to expect oral sex when their girl is on her cycle? Have you ever heard of the water trick? Is anybody out there actually turned on by red light sex?
Speak your piece…
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