10 Women Hotter Than Marge (Playboy Messed Up)

0 Posted by - October 16, 2009 - Entertainment & Celebrities, Funny/Humor

marge Playboy

In case you missed the news (and the image above), Playboy recently revealed their November 2009 cover, which features none other than Marge Simpson. Yes, Homer’s blue haired, yellow skinned, nasally voiced sweetheart is gracing the front page of the landmark men’s magazine.

You’re probably asking yourself the exact same thing I did, Why?

Well, being that this is The Simpsons’ 20th anniversary I hear that the editors of Playboy felt it was a fitting way to pay tribute to the longest running animated series and its iconic cast.

Okay, but that still leaves me with one question.

The same question actually.

Why?

Although I’ve never read Playboy (maybe once and I’ve written for Penthouse, as well as King) I always thought that the magazine was about highlighting the hottest of the hot. I know she’s just an animated character, but has anyone ever looked at Marge and thought sexy?

I’m sure Homer does, but for all the other red blooded men in the real world, I think not.

Now, that’s not to say that a grown man can’t find a cartoon sexy, because if you’ve been reading for a minute you’ll remember when I did a “Celebrity Crush” post (CLICK HERE) on Cheetara from Thundercats.

Any man that says he never had a kiddie crush on a cartoon character or two is a damn liar because I’ve had plenty of grown man conversations with the homies about a few animated hotties. I’m just man enough to admit it.

In fact, I went as far as to compile my own personal list of the Top 10 Hottest Animated Women That Should’ve Gotten the Playgirl Cover Before Marge Simpson. Truthfully, I thought of a way more than 10 (peep the bonus gallery afterwards) but I just didn’t want to O.D.

What do you think about Marge Simpson being on the cover of Playboy? Is it distasteful for a cartoon character that appeals to kids to be on a men’s magazine? Do you think Marge deserves it or are there hotter cartoon characters than her? What do you think of my list of hot animated chicks? Who did I leave out? Anyone else willing to admit to having a crush on a cartoon character as a kid?

Speak your piece and enjoy…

10. BETTY BOOP (THE PROTOTYPE)

betty-boop--sunbathing-boop

I’ll admit that with her big bobble head, Betty Boop never really did it for me but she is an iconic female character that set the stage for animated sexiness. She’s been around since the 1930s and still has a loyal following. My man Popeye should have holla’d at her instead of Olive Oyl, IMHO.

9. AEON FLUX (THE DOMINATRIX)

aeonflux-cartoon18

When I finally got cable and access to MTV, Aeon Flux was one of my secret binges. Yeah, she’s skinny and has a penchant for skintight leather, but Aeon was one sexy secret agent. Yeah, she died at the end of every episode but she was always resurrected much like the bulge in my teenaged pants.

8. SHE-RA (THE SEXY KID SISTER)

She_Ra

I was a huge He-Man & the Masters of the Universe fan growing up and when I found out that Prince Adam (aka He-Man) had a twin sister I was geeked. Finally, I had another cartoon chick to look at besides the Sorceress, Teela and Evil-Lyn. The last two actually weren’t that bad, but a growing boy needs more eye candy.

7. JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS (THE FELINE TRIO)

josie_band

I can’t even front and say I watched this cartoon (or read the comics) on the regular, but the idea of three women in cat suits is all I need. Besides, there weren’t many African-American cartoon characters so the fact that Josie rolled around with sweet soul sister Valerie Brown is a plus. Not to mention, this show gave little boys an excuse to say pu**y without getting in trouble.

6. BARONESS (THE BAD GIRL)

barroness

When it came to G.I. Joe there were very few female characters. While the Joes had Lady J and Scarlett to distract them, Cobra had one lady holding it down and that was the Baroness. Her main squeeze was Destro, who I swear was a brother up under that metal mask, and she took no junk from no one. She was a ride or die chick that loved wearing black spandex. I bet when those glasses came off she was a real freak behind closed doors.

5. WONDER WOMAN (THE AMAZON)

wonderwoman-golden-lasso

I don’t even know what you call that outfit Wonder Woman used to rock, but I liked it. She had legs for days and some knee-high red pumps that had Batman and Superman fawning all over her in the Justice League. Who could blame them? I mean what man wouldn’t want to get tied up by the Queen of the Amazons? She could throw her Lasso or Truth around me any time.

4. APRIL O’NEIL (THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN)

April

When you have a show like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where your main characters are four talking turtles and a giant talking rat, you have to have a little T&A to balance things out and April was definitely that. Prancing around the sewers in her yellow jumpsuit made my Saturday mornings that much brighter.

3. ROGUE (THE BODY)

Rogue_X_Men

For the record, I was highly disappointed by the casting in the X-Men movie. No offense to the young lady that got the part, but they did my girl Rogue totally wrong for the Hollywood franchise. The Rogue I grew up on was a hot country girl with a bangin’ body. The only problem was you could look but not touch, because any skin-to-skin contact would drain your life force. Oh, the agony.

2. CHEETARA (THE COUGAR)

Cheetara

Yeah, I already gave Cheetara her own post but y’all don’t know how I feel about my Thundercats heroine. Maybe I just have a thing for feline-like women (i.e. the aforementioned Josie & the Pussycats) but Cheetara was a definite dime in my eyes. Plus, you know she had a thing for younger guys the way she would look at Lion-o on the low.

1. JESSICA RABBIT (THE BOMBSHELL)

Jessica-Rabbit_l

No matter how many times someone makes a hot cartoon chicks list, you can never do one without including the illustrious Jessica Rabbit. She was shaped like an hourglass on tilt and her name is a commonly used to describe a fine woman. Hands down Jessica Rabbit is the G.O.A.T. (Greatest On-Screen Animated Tease)—especially when she’d say, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.” Too bad all that “badness” was wasted on a cornball like Roger Rabbit, but, hey, maybe we all had a chance.


UPDATE: CLICK HERE to see my photo gallery of other hot animated chicks that didn’t make the top 10 but deserve recognition. Enjoy!

UPDATE 2: CLICK HERE for the official Marge Simpson Playboy spread.

  • da ThRONe

    I knew Jessica Rabbit was number #1. Hell Melyssa Ford nickname is JR. LOL

    I had a thing for April(TMNT) and the Baroness(Chicks with guns are hot) that accent was killer!

    Didnt realise She-ra was working with that much LMAO!

    I think Smurfette should replace Aeon Flux. She had to hold down all them dude smurfs on her on that gotta count for something!!!!!!

  • bajan_gal_paulette

    If you saw the x-rated Marge and Homer cartoons in cyber space you would understand why they picked her.Her boobs are humongous and she’s giving Homer some serious head.lmao

    It’s about time an older woman got the cover.lmao

  • da ThRONe

    @paulette

    Those x-rated cartoon inflat her boobies! But her head skills are insane!

    P.S. nice to see you around again!

  • Ms. Nikki

    This is one of the funniest post. Cute

  • http://www.kmpblog.com KMP

    LOL at this post, It is obviously written by a man. LOL. As a woman Iam. Happy to hear that Marge is on the cover of Playboy.
    It goes to show that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and we don’t have to have Bombshell bodies to be admire by men…

    Arie Rich
    KMPBlog.com

  • Mz. Ashley

    I love Jessica Rabbit! When i was younger i always had a girl crush on her…i mean DAMMMMNNNN she is HOT!!!!!

  • http://southbayfoodies.com Michael / South Bay Foodies

    thunder…Thunder….THUNDER CATS! HOOOOO! XD

    Cheetra is the business! Nice list.

  • http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com/ Spinster

    In agreement with KMP’s whole comment.

  • DC Man With a Plan

    I’ma have to put the spot light on Jessica Rabbitt….When THAT toon popped, it was like: naw, I’m not goin to get any popcorn! She deserved to be on the big screen…..as for Marge gettin props bcuz of her web nastiness, I haven’t seen it but I’ll take Da Throne and Paulettes word that she’s workin the damn thang. But for real, a cartoon chick on a men’s XXX magazine? Dang, it IS tough out here…..smdh

  • http://www.furthermucker.com furthermucker

    what about Power Girl?!!

  • http://corollatalk.tumblr.com Saul Goode

    Shout out to She Hulk! Makes me wanna go green.
    http://tinyurl.com/ylzhlga

  • moonstarz

    Pause. No Jem and the Holograms? You’re fired!

  • da ThRONe

    @KMP

    Why does everything have to have some kinda posotive meaning? Are we that stavred for approval that we have to find inspiration in a playboy cover? The first lady is black! Now let us have are damn nudie mags! LOL :D

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @Da Throne

    Smurfette was on my extra’s list for that exact reason but the image I had of her got corrupted so she didn’t make the Bonus collage (peep the link update)

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @furtherrucker

    Power Girl’s name sounds familiar but… ***google searches***

    Ah, I see the problem, she was a DC Comics character. I was a Marvel kid.

    Also, was trying to limit to TV and film characters

    She is bad though. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_Girl

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @moonstarz

    Peep the BONUS gallery and you’ll see your precious Jem

  • da ThRONe

    @NWSO

    I think you drop the ball on Harley Quinn too! Always had a huge thing for her.

    http://fc08.deviantart.com/fs18/f/2007/214/d/8/Harley_Quinn___HAMMA___TIME_by_PatCarlucci.jpg

  • minejaz

    How did storm not make any cut?

  • http://www.kmpblog.com KMP

    LOL true dat!! Imma let ya live, by all means enjoy ya nudie magazines, I was just trying to defend Marge Simpson, she deserves that spot on the cover as much as Jessica Rabbit, lol or maybe not that far, but yea… :-D

    KMP

  • da ThRONe

    @minejaz

    Great point the only chick that can pull of white hair! She should be on the list too!

  • http://nwso.net NWSO

    @minejaz & dathrone

    Sorry, was never really big on Storm in comparison to Rogue at least. I see what y’all mean in some of the illos of her now, but when I watched the cartoon.. NAH

    She was like the mom of the X-Men. lol

  • da ThRONe

    LMAO @ Storm

    The Mutant MILF!

  • Phantom Spaceman

    This was hilarious. I do disagree with Rogue though. Yeah in the 90s she was hot but that’s because ALL female super heroes in Marvel looked like supermodels and showed it off. But think about it; if you could only look at her but not touch wouldn’t you just move on to other X-hotties like Storm or Psylocke? Who’s really getting hurt, you or Rogue? She can never have a normal relationship. It makes sense that they’d make her emo in the movies and in her current comic book incarnation (yeah I went a little too in depth here but I’m a nerd, I can’t help it).

  • http://listentoleon.net ListenToLeon

    This list was great! I forgot all about The Baroness. Cobra Commander probably tried to steal her from Destro every time he turned his metal head!

  • Potato w/ Jive

    YO! Psylocke! good call, good call. DEF hotter than Rogue. I co sign that.

  • Elle

    I love the Simpsons so Marge taking the cover is all fine by me. In some episodes they let her sexines shine through a little.

    I had the biggest crush on Captain Future!!! I have no clue why. But I think my “thing” for full eyebrows on men stems from that crush .. LoL

    As far as the chicks are concerned I always leaned a lil more to the “darker side”. So She-Hulk and Phoenix were the chicks I wanted to be like when I grow up. And I’m still getting that damn Phoenix tattoo one day :P

  • sylkiifeather

    damn i love me some Melyssa Ford…mm mm mmm

  • single24

    I absolutely love the fact that Rogue from the Xmen made the list. I was just surprised (and kind of disappointed) that Storm didn’t make the list. Not only was she hot, she had the foreign appeal and was worshiped in her home country. How can you get any hotter than that? And what about Poison Ivy, Catwoman, or Harley Quinnfrom Batman?

  • Miss Ma Ma

    I can see the appeal of the suburban housewife staying home, cooking and cleaning… Think “Girl 6″ and the housewife fantasy. However I think Betty Boop should have been Number One because I’m a fan and she IS the prototype. If not for Betty, there would be no Jessica. And another thing, April O’neal was not that buxom when I was young, has April made a visit to McNamara/Troy?? You know who should have been on the list because she’s hot, literally and figuratively? Volcana from Superman. Oh and what about Vixen, Hawkgirl, Lois Lane, Black Canary and Huntress?? Overall thats a good list though. LOL!

  • Caribeza

    NWSO…. I sooo agree with you, I kept hoping Gambit would find a way to get pass that whole “kiss and hands of death” vibe Rogue had going on in the cartoons, but the casting of Anna Paquin just screwed Rogue’s hotness over /cries :(.

  • Gethsemia

    I haven’t been on in awhile. This is very funny

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  • CAMELOTSKING03

    WHAT ABOUT LOIS FROM FAMILY GUY; SHE’S A FREAK EVERY OTHER EPISODE SHE’S TRYING TO GET PETER TO LAY HER.

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  • http://www.squitoo.com ForDating

    Interesting choices! Wouldn’t think any of them are nice but hey! It’s the matter of taste!

  • cathe

    jessica rabbit is the best! im not a lezzie but she is proper HOT she invented the word ‘gawguss’

    great list x

  • Bob the psychopath

    Lolololololololololol… This was obviously written by a woman lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololll let me say something in womanese so you can familiarize with it “Ur being sexist” that phrase is bisexual because it goes both ways and on a more serious obvious note this magazine is not about “inner beauty” its about sexual stimuli and you are either too blind or ignorant to realize that.

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  • Wcharlesedas

    most female comic book characters are drawn ab normally HOT,rogue was always a sexy,sassy,stack,thick southern gal who didn’t take shit off anyone.she is real,and kicks ass like it’s a first language,though when she first came to the xmen in the comics,she was tom boyish and ruff,yet she still manage to be sexy. she is a down to earth character.the movies messed her up…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ruby-Psiberzerker/100001053462026 Rüby Psiberzerker

    You assume that all cartoons are for children.  Merry Melodies originally was not, until television syndication, and judging by Boop’s behaviour neither was that.  The Simpsons can be watched, and enjoyed by children, but at least when it started, the lion’s share of the humor was not targeted at them, either in maturity, nor intellectual capacity.

    I second Aeon Flux, and for Playgirl, Trevor Goodchilde.  For my vote, Thelma.  Who didn’t wonder what she had under that bulky dayglo sweater?  I never cared for the cheerleader types.  After that, Daria, you start to see a pattern here?  Slutty is only sexy if you’re hard up.  I like a girl that can hold a conversation.  Probably why I used to read playboy, and ignore most of the pictures.  If I wanted to jerk off, that’s what Penthouse was for.