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Don't Fish For Compliments (Are You That Self-Conscious?)

Posted by NWSO • November 16, 2009 • Printer-friendly

Don't you hate when you see something bad about to happen before it does and you can't do anything to stop it? Well, that's exactly what happened to my boy Reggie the other day when he put his foot in his mouth.

I’ve been trying to get this computer program from Reggie for a minute but our schedules never matched up. He and his girl Veronica were going to the movies last Friday and I happened to be in the city so we decided to meet up outside the theatre before the 7 o'clock show. Veronica was running late so I chilled in the lobby with Reggie until she showed up. When she did, Veronica greeted him with a kiss and waved hi to me.

“Sorry, I’m late,” she said. “My nail appointment went over.”

“No problem, babe,” Reggie said.

After a brief pause in conversation, Veronica blurted out, "You didn't say anything about my nails." Fiddling her fingers, she continued, "What do you think?"

"They're cool," Reggie responded, nonchalantly.

It was all downhill from there. Veronica's smile quickly turned into a frown and this disappointed look filled her face.

"Cool?," she said. "That's it?"

Based on her tone, that was my cue to leave.

"Bye, guys," I said, before darting away from the scene of the crime.

Clearly Reggie's casual response to Veronica's nail query was not the one she was looking for. She was fishing for a compliment and poor Reggie didn't bite at the bait.

I didn't need to stick around to know how the rest of Reggie's night went. Veronica probably gave him the cold shoulder, while he didn't have a clue as to why. I'm sure she eventually got over it, but it's just another example of men and women communicating differently.

What Reggie failed to realize is that Veronica was excited about her nails and as her man she wanted him to be excited too. Chances are she actually got her nails done for him, or at least with him in mind, assuming he'd think they were cute not "cool."

What Veronica failed to realize is that Reggie didn't even have time to analyze her nails. The fact he didn't say anything (or, worse yet, that they were "cool") meant he hadn't noticed them at all or didn't have an opinion on them either way.

Why would he? Reggie is a man and most men don't get excited about nails. That's what women do. See, Veronica was looking for a female response from her man (i.e. "Oh, girl, that color looks good on you. Where did you get it?”) and was disappointed when Reggie gave her a male response ("They’re cool.").

Men might not notice every single thing a woman does to get dolled up or every time she gets a new accessory, but when we do—and generally like whatever it is you’ve done or bought—we say so. So if Reggie did think Veronica’s nails were "cute" he would have just said it.

It’s pretty simple concept when you think about it: Comment on what you like and ignore what you don’t or haven’t even noticed. Veronica was just guilty of doing what so many people, regardless of sex, do—fishing for compliments.

Speaking for myself, I know I’ve done it. I remember back in the day when I got my first Avirex jacket. Man, you couldn’t tell me nothing. I couldn’t wait for the first slightly cold day for me to rock that to work. If memory serves me correctly, I actually had a matching shirt that was pretty spiffy too.

When I was checking in with my then boss before leaving for the day she made a comment about my “nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” I beamed. “But wait ’til you see me leave.”

“Oh, okay.”

I got my jacket from off the coat rack, put it on and popped my collar, before walking back to my boss’s office.

“Oh, snap, look at you,” she remarked about my latest purchase.

“Yeah, you know, it’s just something I picked up the other day.”

“Okay, okay, don’t hurt ’em, Ans.”

“It’s too late,” I smirked, before getting my George Jefferson stroll on down the hall.

I’m sure we’ve all bought something we thought was fly or made some personal alteration to ourselves (haircut, nails, etc.) that we were proud of and couldn’t wait to get other people’s reaction to. In fact, you get so excited rather than waiting for a compliment or comment to come naturally you egg it on by just asking for one (i.e. “Hey, do you like my _____?”).

FAIL!

It’s okay to ask for a compliment when you’re shopping and want to make sure you don’t look at hot mess, but outside of that it can come off like you’re looking for validation. Like your purchase or whatever it is doesn’t hold as much weight without a co-sign from someone else.

Perhaps I took Veronica’s comment to an extreme but I think there’s still a lesson to learned here. While it’d be nice if he did, it shouldn’t matter whether or not if Reggie approved of her nails. The only opinion that should hold any weight when it comes to things like that is your own. Veronica got her nails done because she liked them and at the end of the day that’s all that should matter to her. Anything else is just a bonus.

Do you have friends that fish for compliments? Did Veronica have a right to be mad at Reggie for his “they’re cool” response? Was it a case of a man being too honest? Do you agree with my assessment that Veronica was looking for a “female” response from him? Do you feel that men tend to be less observant of the small things women do? Would you rather someone give you a compliment without having to ask for it? Do you lie or tell the truth when someone asks you for a compliment and you actually don’t like the item? Do you think that fishing for compliments a sign of insecurity? Have you ever fished for compliments? Once the one item you bought that you knew folks were going to compliment you on?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: relationship, self-conscious, shopping, validation

Skye Blue

In answer to your questions (well at least some of them):

1. Regarding the question as to whether or not Veronica had a right to be mad at Reggie, if I answer as a completely rational and objective woman observing the situation from the outside I would say: No, expecting him to notice her nails and get excited - as a female would - about them is a bit silly. Having said that, I have to admit that I've been exactly where Veronica was that day - wanting my man to notice the things I did to look good for him.

2. Generally, I prefer compliments that are offered instead of requested - but then again, who doesn't.

3. If someone 'fishes' for a compliment and I don't like the item I lie my ass off. After all it's the 'right' thing to do : )

4. Is fishing for compliments a sign of insecurity? Perhaps, but most of us battle with insecurity to some degree whether or not we make a point of searching out validation through compliments.
da ThRONe

Hell yeah fishing for compliments is a sign of insecurities. And it is so not sexy.

As far as the nail thing its a prime example why Im single now. Thats just dumb. She lucky it wasnt me. Not only did her dumb nail appointment had me waiting on top of it she's acting pissy over something I could care less about. I would have put her ass in her place.

Whats the big deal about dumb stuff like finger nails anyway? Never in the history of sex has there been a chick who got her man because of her nails.

"Na Im not interested"
"Hold up are your nails french tipped?"
"Here take my number"
"Matter fact just bend over right here"

Get the fuck out of here!
http://caribbeanramblings.blogspot.com KP

We are so self-conscious sometimes...I sympathize with Veronica but it's just Venus vs. Mars all over again as far as that is concerned.

As for compliments, do what I do. Be in love with yourself and everything else won't matter, including who compliments you. (Though getting a compliment isn't so bad, either...)
mizze

OH MY GOD!!! If this aint me and my boyfriend reincarnated lol..but its good to see that other females get the "cool" remark..

My thing is that, I dont think its fishing for compliments when I ask him how something looks. Like if I am getting my nails done or he is with me trying on clothes, I want hiim to say more than "cool" to let me know how I look.. I didnt bring you just to observe. I love my man, I love his opinion on things because if he came home in some twisties or something without notifiying me or me having to walk around with him like that..I wouldnt like that so I try not to do that to hiim. Even though there are times when I dont care what he thinks, but I do like to involve him in the process. If I came home in a mini-dress and he didnt want his girl out looking like that (just an example, he doesnt really care too much) then I know he would feel as though I didnt care about his opinion. You see?

I agree that some people are fishing for compliments when they ask. But sometimes, its llke, I spent 2 hours getting ready- hair done, nails done, bought a new outfit, pedicure, makeup flawless and all you got to say is I look "cool".. oh HELL no. I had to train him to be more detailed in his responses. Even if he does not like something, just tell me WHY so I can understand your point of view. For instance, if I was to come home in a dress he felt was WAY too short and he was like "I dont like that" I would feel he was trying to be "too controlling" and jealous I would get other guys attention. But if he were to tell me that he wouldnt want guys assuming I am one way or what not by wearing that but he still felt I should still feel sexy when going out- THAT IS DIFFERENT.

I understand guys and girls communicate differently but there comes a time when both sexes need to realize this but also kind of change this pattern so there are no miscommunication or arguments over something so simple as men being from mars and women being from venus lol
mizze

@da throne- Why are you so angry? lol

oh my god, its just not that deep..
http://nwso.net NWSO

@ALIG

What I meant by what I wrote was that she was looking for a response that would be more in line with a female/woman, who is more into nails, shows, new purse etc. Reggie's a man so typically that's nothing of major interest for him to respond like the example I laid out in post ... Oh, girl those nails are hot, Where did you get them done? (i.e. a female response). He gave a male response, they cool/nice etc, but no real excitement because it's not really a typical straight man topic of interest.

So wasn't about all women or men responding the same but in reference to the typical point of interest based on sex. Tell a typical woman the Giants one last night vs. telling the typical man the same thing. Completely different answers, probably based on sex.
BMW2K

I tend to be very direct, so I don't fish much. I just ask "Do you like my___?" Normally if I ask though, I am doing so to get the truth because, yes, something about it makes me feel a little insecure. It could be a new color or cut or something, and I would like a second opinion.

My friends tend to not fish for compliments with me - like I said, I am direct. If I don't like it, I tell the truth. As a matter of fact, normally that is why they will ask me. I refuse to lie to them.

I don't however ask my husband's opinion about anything I wear. He is totally useless with that type of thing.
ALIG

Do you agree with my assessment that Veronica was looking for a “female” response from him?

No, I do not agree with that. What is a "female response" exactly? All women don't think or feel the same way.

If I were asked a question like that I would kindly let the other person know that I don't care too much for fingernail painting.

@Dathrone, "As far as the nail thing its a prime example why Im single now." - What a lame excuse!
ALIG

What makes one "typical"?
Elle

Do you have friends that fish for compliments?
- Nope I do not. I weed them out because I cant stand people like that. Always want attention and focus on the wrong set of things in life. Not my kind of crowd.

Did Veronica have a right to be mad at Reggie for his “they’re cool” response?
- Not at all. That's just plain stupid. Sorry Veronica. She lost out on a fun night at the movies with her beau over some finger nails. Poor girl.

Was it a case of a man being too honest?
- Nah. He was actually being nicer than I would have been. My response would have been a bewildered look and an "ooooohhhkayyyyyy".

Do you agree with my assessment that Veronica was looking for a “female” response from him?
- I know what you are trying to say and I guess on the surface you are right. Personally however, I do not like being put in the same box with others based on my gender. My response would have been different. Yet and still I am a female and I am not abnormal or anything.

Do you feel that men tend to be less observant of the small things women do?
- It's the cliché but I never experienced it myself. In my relationships I was blessed with super attentive men who noticed and remembered the smallest things. So I don't know if the majority isn't really observant. I think if a man cares enough he notices everything no matter how small or insignificant it is. I could be off though. Maybe it is a matter of having a certain kind of personality.

Would you rather someone give you a compliment without having to ask for it?
- Absolutely.

Do you lie or tell the truth when someone asks you for a compliment and you actually don’t like the item?
- I try to diplomatically tell the truth.

Do you think that fishing for compliments a sign of insecurity?
- Basically. I can't stand people who are starving for attention. Makes me lose my patience (and I don't have much to begin with) and my respect for them. The funniest thing to me are these size 00 girls complaining about how fat they are. The best way to shut them up is to agree with them and to point out which body parts could use some improvement. Yea, I'm mean, so what.

Have you ever fished for compliments?
- Not my style. I'm not good with compliments in general. So I surely do not fish for more.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@AliG

**Sigh**

Typical as in stereo-typical, general consensus, average but not total, a basic premise that we can agree on just for argument's sake to get to the point.

It's not meant as a sexist statement in the least.

Just to reiterate again, she wanted the same response from her man that she'd get from her girlfriends. Cause come on, what "typical" man is gonna be extra excited about nails. Chances are her female friends would be more inclined to be excited.

If we're still at a standstill, I'll just respectfully bow out at this point and SMH
DC Man With a Plan

lmao...Alig obviously HAS problems accepting there are some generalizations that can be made about MEN and WOMEN. All one has to do is look at the response from all the other women, other than Alig, and you can see a pattern from the thinking expressed by women and men. Enuff of THAT silly-azz shyt. This is definitely an issue that separates men and women. You want me to get hyped about your nails? Put a finger in my mouth, other than that, naw, shorty, I'm not gonna notice your nails right off the bat without prompting, and if "cool" isn't enuff words, add whatever you want in your mind and lets keep it moving. My lady used to get her nails done with the Redskin colors and designs bcuz that's her team--so yeah, you point them out and hold them up for me to see at an appropriate moment--4sho, I'll give you a compliment or at least my two cents. But when I'm bout to pay 20 bucks to see a movie--NOW you wanna have a nail design show? smdh...MAYBE Veronica was really trying to change the subject of her being LATE, especially if the movie already started, other- wise, what is she, 16? My lady told me Thursday she was going to get her hair done on Fri. When I saw her Friday, it probably took a few hours before I remembered to comment on her hair....lol.....I know she likes me to notice, so I TRY to please her by noticing, but hell, hair is hair. Unless you do something really dramatic with color, cut or stlye....C'mon, son....cut that shyt out! @ Mizze....I don't know WHAT type of man you dealing with that likes to go shopping with you, but don't get used to that--just in case this relationship doesn't work out. Lol…Most men learn early on to tell their woman: I don’t do shopping with women for clothes, shoes or purses. That’s what you have girlfriends for. Holla at me when you get home….I’ll come over and watch you try shyt on, then after the fashion show, but B4 you get dressed again….lol…Yeah, always got time to see my shortee getting dressed and undressed!
mizze

@NWSO

I think you should just use the word "general" instead of typical. They basically mean the same thing but maybe "some people" would take it a little better. I completely get your point because I say the "average" dude or male and some guys have gotten mad at me over that. I dont see the big deal. Some people just like to nit-pick or they just really get offended easily
DC Man With a Plan

Elle...Are U kidding me? When you say dude noticed the smallest details, give me an example and try to convey it in space and time, as in: I changed my deodorant yesterday, and he noticed right away that I smelled different! Now that's attention to a small detail, noticed immediately. I think a lot of times we romanticize the past, gloss over a lot of detail and specificity for generalizations that convey an inaccurate portrayal. MIGHT not apply to you--bcuz you’re DIFFERENT...lol......BUT, IMO, it's kinda like telling your life’s story: how much detail about the day to day minutia that is boring and routine versus the exciting, romantic, edgy stuff that good memories are made of? a small detail to me would be noticing you plucked your eye brows or clipped your nose hairs...lol....Anyways, most men do not get into the small details with women bcuz we aren't used to doing that among ourselves. I have heard a woman compliment another woman on her shoes, hand bag, jewelry, coat, jacket, dress, skirt so often it is normal and expected while men hardly ever see a dude and TELL him: Yo, dog, nice shoes and I especially like those 3 inch heels on you! Or, I like how you’re wearing those pants and that belt to accentuate your waist? WTF, son? That's a lil too much like kool-aid for me and MOST men and women would find it SUSPECT! Which is not to say we as men NEVER compliment one another, but it's much more rare and on a limited basis than it is between women. I'd be willing to bet the average man has maybe 7-15 pairs of shoes/sneakers at any given time. For most women, they have 15 pair of BLACK shoes alone! Don't even get into purses, bags, belts. Women have more of everything clothing wise, than the average man, from under wear to hats! SOME of y'all are different, non shopping type of women. In case you don't know: YOU'RE the exception--not the rule. Accept it, live with it and recognize the NORM!!
mizze

@DC Man With A Plan

LMAO!! He doesnt mind going shopping with me. I dont know why you men always wanna generalize everything lol. I am not saying that he goes with me EVERY single time I go shopping- HELL NO. Does he walk around the store with me-HELL NO, he sits off in the corner until I ask him to come with me to try on the clothes. If I dont ask him to come, he doesnt come. But I know if I do, he will because he knows obviously I want him there with me. He has asked me to come watch him play football or if I wanted to go to Buffalo Wild WIngs to watch the game- I go! It may not be something I am dying to do but since he asked- I will go.

In a relationship, its not always about what you necessarily wanna do ALL the time, if something is important to one but not you- that does not mean its not important. You can not just come in with that attitude or its going to be constant screaming matches. ITs about understanding where your man or woman is coming from and what upsets them and trying to REASONABLY adjust to it. Just with the nails. Most guys wouldnt get excited, but if you see that she went thru the trouble of getting them done and paying for them just to look nice for you (and herself, lets be real), the least you can do is compliment or something. Hair might just be hair TO YOU, but do you KNOW how much it is for a girl to get her hair done? Especially if its a GOOD weave? LOL! And to turn around and you not even say anything? Guess what- THE NEXT DUDE WILL! So before all these guys start talkin bout this and that with compliments- I guarantee she gon get it from somewhere else.... BELIEVE ME!
sweetsexxybrown

Veronica needed to stop and realize that a man doesn't care about those kind of things. She had to be a young girl. I have a belief that I must like it and it really doesn't matter if anyone else does. I get trying to impress/do something special for your man, but let's be real here-men are not that detail oriented when it comes to paying attention to the little things like a new shirt, or nail color, or eyebrows unless its a drastic change or they like "it" for some reason.I agree w/Da Throne-no man is going to get with you, leave you or want to have sex with you because of your nails (or any other little item). Most men just care if you are taking care of yourself overall and not looking a hot mess. Pay attention to the things that he says he doesn't like. I'm not one to fish for compliments because I feel good about what I wear or whatever changes I've made to myself. If you don't like it you can kick rocks.
If you need to fish for compliments with your man-then maybe that's another item for meditation.
My item that I know will draw compliments: my patchwork animal skin boots-everytime I wear them. What's crazy is that 90% of the compliments come from men,lol. Even when I've been out with a man-another man always compliments me on those boots.
http://www.randomrhymereason.blogspot.com Jara

You're right about Veronica expecting a response from Reggie that an OBSERVANT (not female) person would give. Highly observant people come in all shapes, sizes, colors and genders. I'm observant about things I care about (read: not nails, hair, etc.), so I run into the same problem as Reggie sometimes with my female friends and some male exes who fish for compliments about their looks. One MALE ex used to get mad at me if I didn't notice a new look...or if I under-complimented him.

In the workplace, I have learned how to give the over-compliment (using stronger adjectives for something than how I really feel. e.g. "Ooh I LOVE that" when I only kinda like it) but I don't need that type of pressure at home. Like you wrote, if I really like it, I will comment on it!

I just recently saw a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a long time. I definitely noticed that he's been working out because the change is drastic. He went from Chris Rock's build to...Dwight Howard. So I told him me likey a lot! And he told me that's the first time I have complimented him on his looks - in 13 years. And he's good-looking. Damn.

Yes, fishing for compliments is a sign of insecurity and/or vanity. I believe we're all insecure/vain about something so looking for validation is a human thing to do. Is it annoying when someone fishes all of the time? Yes. I will even point it out to someone who gets on my nerves for it by making a fishing motion to let them know enough's enough. But the trick is to match up with someone who naturally notices/compliments your insecure spots and vice versa. It's possible.

For example, Veronica needs to dump Reggie and grab my ex that noticed every little thing about me - and would jump in to fix anything that needed some help.

Him: "Your car needs polishing."
Me: "Oh yeah, I'll get to it."
The next day, my car would be polished.

Him: "I like your hair longer like that."
Me: "Oh, thanks."

Him: "Did you change your nail polish?"
Me: "Mmm...oh yeah, the other day."

Him: "Nice breast shirt. *lecherous chuckle* Wait, you have lint/hair/whatever on it."
Me: "I do?"
He reaches over and removes it.

Him being so observant used to actually make me self-conscious. And I would privately wish he WASN'T so observant. When people compliment, it's nice to hear but it also reminds me that they are always watching & judging - which I don't like. Feels like I'm under a microscope.

Meanwhile, I usually notice/compliment people on their personality traits or skills, rather than their looks. To get along in the world, I have added looks to my compliment bag but I really don't care about what you're wearing.
Elle

@DC

I wore a certain set of earrings on NYE. He never said anything about them but quite frankly, they were just earrings and didn't warrant any kind of extra attention. 7 months later I wore them again without ever having used them in the time in between and he noticed "Oh, you wore those on NYE. I like them."

In a convo I randomly mentioned what cereal I had been looking for unsuccessfully. When I arrived in Philly moooooonths later, he had stacked up on said cereal.

I love music in almost all forms and talked about some of my favorite tracks. Again, a few months later he got me an iPod with alllllllll my favorite songs on it plus the ones which held some meaning to us.

I dye my hair in my natural hair color because I got a few grey ones already and I am NOT having that. He would notice upon first sight that I had dyed it as soon as he walked in the door at night.

I usually do not use a lot of makeup outside of some concealer and mascara. But when I did he would always notice and compliment me how it matches my outift.

A different type of body lotion would always be noticed immediately.

Different hair styles never went unaddressed.

The examples are numerous. But I don't want to bore you any longer. Granted they have nothing to do with my nails or my nosehair. But quite frankly I am not that kind of woman who gets her nails done or spends hours in the bathroom. To me these examples showed me he paid attention. If they do not "qualify" in your book, too bad. But I loved it and it made a huge difference. Besides, he is the kind of guy who owns about a 100 pairs of shoes as opposed to the aforementioned 7-15. Maybe he was just more fashionable than the usual nutsack scratching Joe Blow. Sneaker addiction can be a B.

@Jara

You are absolutely right. OBSERVANT people come in all shapes, sizes and GENDERS.
I am very observant myself and notice the weirdest things about people, places, events. Usually people are rather freaked out by the things I notice.
It's a character trait IMO.
BMW2K

OK - I am going to flip it just a bit.

I think it is funny that so many males are responding somewhat negatively to a woman wanting to get noticed (although personally, I think Veronica was just a whiner looking for drama - sorry Veronica) but guys LOVE it when a women notices something about them. They eat it up. NWSO stated how he LOVED getting the compliments from his boss - his BOSS!!!

Come on, when your lady notices a new cut, a decreased waistline, whatever, you guys start cheezing like that darn cat from Alice and Wonderland.

Noticing the person you are with is a two way street. Isn't part of the relationship being each others biggest fan?

I do think that guys tend to "total package" observers though. They tend to take it all in and approve or disapprove.

Typically, oops I mean generally , they tend to only notice blaring differences. The only guys I have known to pick things apart and critique from hair follicles to toenails do so because that is their, ugh, interest.
http://www.randomrhymereason.blogspot.com Jara

@Elle

I came back because your comment to DC is in my inbox and I like it.

Your "he" sounds great! That's a good kinda observant IMO. They notice but they don't comment - just use it in the future to make you smile. The ex I referred to earlier did that as well (the "making me smile" part - not the no comment), so he lasted longer than others...ya'll would make a great match. lol
http://www.randomrhymereason.blogspot.com Jara

@BMW2K

"but guys LOVE it when a women notices something about them. They eat it up. NWSO stated how he LOVED getting the compliments from his boss – his BOSS!!!"

Exactly! I didn't wanna state the obvious but yeah...

This is a pattern that I'm noticing in male conversation where they get together and complain about what a woman does or wants and acts like it's so petty. Meanwhile, men do it, too!

Gossip
Fish for compliments
Cause drama
Whine
etc.

Those traits aren't really gender-specific. So quit acting like they are, fellas.

And yes, yes, yes at men tend to be "total package" observers...they will notice something that disturbs the entire picture. And some women are like that, too (me). I think it's a personality thing, though...or how our brains are hardwired to take in information (broad-picture v. small-picture).

Ok, stepping away now.

Good topic, NWSO.
da ThRONe

@BMW2K

This isnt about being noticed. Ofcourse people love being liked its how we are wired. This is about forcing somebody to care about something you like and in the most childish manner. If I like a female a notice alot about her. I can only speak for myself but a compliment I basically have to force you to make carrys no weight with me. The beauty of being complimented is having somebody be tuned into you enough to notice on their own.
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com/ Spinster

Elle - the way you described yourself, sounds just like me. On those rare occasions that anyone shows interest in me , the person is usually something like your guy.
Shequita

I don't fish for compliments. Now when I KNOw I look damned good I may do a special stroll into the room at work or a special stroll out of my bedroom with a man on the other side lol...that special stroll is usually followed by a laugh at my over confident stroll and/or a compliment. It would be nice for a man to notice all the little things women do to look good, but at the end of the day if you look good for YOU, then YOU are the only one that could dissappoint YOU.

It was kinda silly for Veronica to be upset but I've been there before, its the compliments that I get when I have a head scarf on in some jogging wear scanning the aisles of Walmart that mean something to me. Or when I'm in a plain t-shirt cooking dinner...the unexpected ones mean more to me.
Full of Fire

I hear ya... but I don't think the no- fishing for compliments rule applies at all in a relationship...some men and women are quick to defend not noticing the small things the partner does to stay attractive but are also the first to get 'bored' and 'aggravated' when their partner no longer takes the time to do these small things...so i say give in to the bait it will only make things better not worse...
dani

LOL i had a friend (female) who flipped out when i didn't say anything about her newly dyed hair. Flipped out to the point that we are no longer friends.

And yes, men do this nonsense too. Stop showing me your jordans. I've seen them already. I said they were aight now please stop talking about them as if my opinion is going to magically change.

I'm the type of person that gives compliments all the time when I like something. Even to random people so if I haven't complimented you, don't fish for one.
da ThRONe

@Full of Fire

If your doing something for me let it be for me. If she brought a new thong or boyshorts trust me I will notice and salute her!

Likewise if your doing something for you. Know that I dont care and dont come throwing it all up in my face. I dont care. After I leave the gym from balling Im not going ask you if you wanna see my jumpshot. You dont care. After I whip "Some Random Fool" online in Madden 10 Im not going make you watch the highlights.
BMW2K

@ Da Throne

So are you stating that the only time you care about what your women is doing/wearing is when you are going to sexually benefit from it?
da ThRONe

@BMW2K

No what im saying is dont behave like a 2 year old because I havent noticed that your shoes match your purse. And dont try to justify the temper tantrum by telling me you did it for me when its clearly not the case.
mizze

@BMW2K

"@ Da Throne-So are you stating that the only time you care about what your women is doing/wearing is when you are going to sexually benefit from it?"
- EXACTLY what I was thinking!! Not to be mean to Da Throne or anything- but that is exactly what women HATE! We know that you are NOT going to notice out nails but at the same time we dont like it when guys only notice sexual things about us. WE ARE NOT SEX OBJECTS! Sorry, we arent. It unnerves us when you notice a NEW THONG, but cant notice a whole HAIR change?? hummmm.. I can understand guys take interest in what they take interest in, but damn.. c'mon, we can do better than that.

I am going to say it one last time- if you aint complimentin your woman OR man, someone else will so just let them know you appreciate them or what they did to upkeep themselves in order to look good for you.
mizze

I HAVE A QUESTION-- A SERIOUS QUESTION

Why is it that men will not notice a hair change, getting your nails done, a new outfit, maybe a new pair of shoes, if she lost a little bit of weight- blah, blah, blah....

But they will notice if you DIDNT get your hair done in a while, your nails DONT look that great (maybe the finger nail polish is chippin a bit), you HAVENT gotten a new outfit since you guys met, if she HASNT lost any weight but instead GAINED some weight...

WHY do guys notice the negative but not the positives or if she is trying NOT to look raggedy for you??
da ThRONe

@mizze

"So just let them know you appreciate them or what they did to upkeep themselves in order to look good for you"

I think you completely underestamate the vaule of sex. Once again one of the reason's Im single is I cant deal with mentally fragile females. If you turn my sexually attraction to you into a bad thing we wont work. My appreciation for you looking hot is having sex. If a couples dont have a healthy sex life they dont have a healthy relationship. Whats a bigger compliment than me not taking my eyes off of you and my hands(The only time I will ever come close to quoting Plies lyrics LOL)?

I have already said I notice alot about the females I date. But it isnt always good. You could wear a garbage bag if Im feeling you I will always tell you how much I like you and why. But attraction all broils down to sex. So to say your looking good for us yet your not a "Sex Object" is an oxymoron. If you are looking good then it is for the purpose of being a "Sex Object" and if you dont think so you are just lying to yourself.
DC Man With a Plan

Ok, Elle. great examples, I wouldn't personally think of those as extraordinary observations, though 7 months between wearing ear rings is s sign they're either expensive, and thus little used, and likely to really stand out, or you just got it like that. When it's all said and done, the reason there is more than one type of man and more than one type of woman is bcuz no one type is going to work for everyone. U might not be the type of woman that I would love to appreciate and I may not be that man for you. I'm still happy...and I hope you are too.
@ BMW2K: I don't think men are responding negatively, as much as voicing the well known fact that MEN typically are different from women when it comes to the way we think, behave, the things we get excited about, how we love and how we support our SO. Going shopping to tell you how a sweater looks on you and going to a sports bar to watch a game that lasts 3 hours are totally different types of activities: ones a social event, the other a more personal activity. Women keep talking about doing hair and nails for their man as well as yourself, but many men would tell you to save your money and go natural: Now what? U still like getting the perm and spending 2-6 hours at the hair dresser? And you're doing it for WHOM again?
@ Jara: men and women DO both love to be noticed, to receive compliments and to be understood and respected. Many things apply to both sexes--just not in equal doses. I have no problem inviting my woman to a sports bar to watch the game with me and should she not want to go, I have no problem going without her and will NOT hold it against her. And as long as she gives me the same respect about going shopping or whatever, we're good to go. IF, on the other hand, you're gonna get a "tude" bcuz dude was honest and said he didn't want to go shoe shopping with you...THAT's not a good look, is childish, and under mines a good relationship and good communications: Honesty is paramount. MANY women don't want to do SHYT alone; most men have no problem at all, going it alone. Again, we're socialized differently, wired differently and it still can be ALL GOOD if you're fair and you understand that.
da ThRONe

@mizze

To answer that question. Its human nature. We only care about things when there is a problem. Nobody checks out their toilet unless its not working. Males and females alike have this issue.
mizze

@da throne-

I see where you are coming from.. And honestly I believe that is truly a reason why guys think its ok not to verbally say anything. Let me explain.. I believe men still being sexually attracted to their girl is their way of sayng they find her "hot" or that they still wanna be with her. I see your point and I think a lot of guys are like that.

Although I dont always agree with you and sometimes feel like you hate women, lol, I respect your honesty even though its not what everyone else is saying.. I agree with you somewhat about it being "human nature" because it is true that we notice the negative instead of the positive, but I (and quite a few other females I know) have no problem telling another female she looks great, she has beautiful eyes and skin.. I can notice both. Just like with my man, he has gained some weight since we've been together and I say "babe, you are still sexy to me".. I have noticed the negative, but I still want to make him feel good..plus it would be wrong since we have BOTH put on some pounds. He never makes me feel bad about it EVER, even though I am now going to the gym lol
DC Man With a Plan

@ Mizze...there were several women last week highly agitated about women being called "females;" just tryin to give you a heads-up bcuz we don't want to go through THAT again!
Yo, y'all need to get up off my man Da throne...lol MEN, (I'ma generalize here) WILL notice your hair was done, nails and feet are tight--EVENTUALLY. Give it some time, let it sink in. Let dude do shyt in his time--not yours. You're wearing open toe shoes--hell yeah we're gonna notice if your toe nails are all busted. How many times do you get to see a man's toes in public? Not nearly as often as you see a woman's feet. It's really just that simple. Women wear more rings, bangles and other things that draw the eye to the hands--so yeah, we're going to notice if you have chipped nails. Today you have burgundy nails but last week it was burnt red--YO, I'm not that good with colors that look similar: sue me! SOME women change so many things, so often that it’s news when her shyt stays the same for a hot minute. And finally, In the words of one of my best friends: If women didn't have a P*zzy, they'd be useless! I'm just sayin.....lol Yo, y'all need to get up off my man Da throne...lol MEN, (I'ma generalize here) WILL notice your hair was done, nails and feet are tight--EVENTUALLY. Give it some time, let it sink in. Let dude do shyt in his time--not yours. You're wearing open toe shoes--hell yeah we're gonna notice if your toe nails are all busted. How many times do you get to see a man's toes in public? Not nearly as often as you see a woman's feet. It's really just that simple. Women wear more rings, bangles and other things that draw the eye to the hands--so yeah, we're going to notice if you have chipped nails. Today you have burgundy nails but last week it was burnt red--YO, I'm not that good with colors that look similar: sue me! SOME women change so many things, so often that it’s news when her shyt stays the same for a hot minute. And finally, In the words of one of my best friends: If women didn't have a P*zzy, they'd be useless! I'm just sayin.....lol
da ThRONe

@mizze

This is why it's all about communication. Alot of people have this "You should know already" attitude ,or just assume because that their love interest dont know already its not meant. Most times you just need to verbalize what it is that you need for your S.O. on a regular basis. But IMO if you always need validation for stuff that you do you are insecure and you are the one that need work not your mate. I dont like mentally fragile females. Im so mentally tough I dont have the compassion to handle some females ego with kit gloves.
BMW2K

Sorry . . . Got caught on a conference call. How dare my job interrupt what is important. LOL

@ DaThrone . . . we are on totally different wavelengths. That is all I can say

@ DCMan, I got you. I definitely agree that there are some things I just can not discuss with my husband because he thinks differently. It is useless because I will just get upset if we are not on the same page.

It is like I said before and Mizze cosigned. Men really do tend to notice the package, not the details.

For all that you guys say (including DaThrone) about not caring about her nails, I think you miss the point. For a women the nails are a detail that makes up the whole. She may do it for herself, but you (the male) benefit from the entire package.

Lets say you have something special planned for you and your lady and you go to pick her up. She is looking incredible from her A to Z. The you notice her nails are jacked up, all different lengths, chipped, polish half on, and a just trifling. Can you honestly say you would NOT say ANYTHING? Assuming of course that this is YOUR LADY, not just some chick that you are bending and banging.
mizze

@DC Man With a Plan
"And finally, In the words of one of my best friends: If women didn’t have a P*zzy, they’d be useless! I’m just sayin…..lol"-- that is an ignorant as statement-- SORRY! And if men didnt have dicks, how useful would they be? Its funny if a woman said that, she would be called angry, bitter and a feminist-- so why is it ok for a man? And last but not least, does that dude have a MOTHER? How could something so ignorant come out of someone's mouth when his MOTHER is a female, with a vagina?? Man, this is why I have truly lost respect for a lot of men

@da Throne- true. If someone needs constant validation from someone else, there is truly something wrong.
The Duchess

Veronica is needy POINT BLANK PERIOD!

If you LOVE yourself, you wouldn't give two phucks what anyone else thinks about what you have on. Everything I do is for ME!
da ThRONe

@BMW2K

Just speaking for myself I probably wouldnt care. But there is a middle ground between busted and nail shop fresh. I dont have a problem with you doing stuff you like. My issue is why do you expect me to care if I dont. I hate talking to my mother because all the stuff she care about I dont give a damn about.

If you are my mate we will have a million things in common your finger nails dont have to be one of them. So why force it down my throat? Thats the only problem I have. Dont be delusional and think that you spending 6hrs getting your hair done or 2hrs getting your hands and feet done its for me. If I love you I will love if you had no hands or feet.

@mizze

I completely agree that DC Man friend comment was terrible. I can only get emotional with females. So only a female can really ever know me. So the idea that me sexing females is their only use is absurd.

But the idea of being some chicks sex slave doesnt bother me one bit!
mizze

@Da Throne

"But the idea of being some chicks sex slave doesnt bother me one bit"- HHAHAAHAHA- LOVE IT!!
BMW2K

@ Da Throne - OK. I get your point more clearly now.

LOL @ the sex slave comment
Jara

@DC
Where's this solo vs. together example coming from?

"And finally, In the words of one of my best friends: If women didn’t have a P*zzy, they’d be useless! I’m just sayin…..lol"

Men who think this way are useless.
Elle

@ DC

My examples may not sound as "extraordinary observations" to you but trust me, 9 men out of 10 wouldn't have noticed and wouldn't have cared enough to even try.

Errrr ....btw: these were 2 € earrings from H&M. So in other words: I got it like that and he was the ish
GalOnTheWebb

I recently read this book- I forget the author's name- and he was saying that men and women communicate using five main love languages, and one of them is 'words of affirmation'. Seems to me that Veronica falls under this category. Sure, its just a book and the man might be wrong, but I think that he may have had this one right on. Some people, especially in relationships, feel 'loved' when they are complimented, when the people they are with notice the 'small stuff', like nails etc. Does it mean they are insecure? Maybe, maybe not. In her mind, Veronica might have genuinely have gotten her nails to make Reggie happy. Maybe. Maybe they had been having issues before, and she wanted him to compliment her to make the issues go away. Maybe. Maybe Reggie notices almost every little thing she does, but failed to notice this particular one. There is a lot background stuff about this relationship we dont know.
At the end of the day I think it has to do with specific individuals. For instance, I dont particularly worry too much about what my man thinks about my sense of style, as long as I am comfortable with myself when I step out the door. Of course, I feel really good when he compliments me, and anyway, the way he looks at me when I am with him means more to me than if he notices my new handbag or not. But that is just me.
I have to agree with NWSO though, that men and women speak differently. For instance, when Reggie says 'cool', he might be meaning 'fantastic' in female-speak. Men and women, generally, use words differently. There is nothing sexist about that, that is just the way we have been socialized. I also agree with those that say needing constant validation IS a problem. Having said that, when a man (in this case) goes outside his expected reaction simply because he loves a woman, that is sexy, love language or no
YoungJay

Do you have friends that fish for compliments?
None of my boys do that, and my one good girlfriend does not fit the general female traits, prob why we are so close.

Did Veronica have a right to be mad at Reggie for his “they’re cool” response?

HELLZ TO THE NO...Maybe cuz I am just like Reggie. But past girlfriends have said that it's a good thing when your guy doesn't notice every single thing because when he does compliment something you KNOW he really means it and isn't patronizing you.

Was it a case of a man being too honest?

Nope. She asked a question...be ready for an honest answer.

Do you agree with my assessment that Veronica was looking for a “female” response from him?

She wasn't necessarily looking for a female perspective...but she was hyped about her nails and expected him to be too, which is unfair.

Do you feel that men tend to be less observant of the small things women do?

If a man genuinely likes something you do he DEFINITELY will compliment you.

Would you rather someone give you a compliment without having to ask for it?

That's the only time it's an actual compliment in my opinion.

Do you lie or tell the truth when someone asks you for a compliment and you actually don’t like the item?

Nope I let them know if I was genuinely excited about it I would have said something before.

Do you think that fishing for compliments a sign of insecurity?

It's a sign that they need confirmation from someone else to feel secure...aka Sign of insecurity (lol sorry i could have just said yes)

Have you ever fished for compliments?

Not my style. If I like it that's all that matters.

Once the one item you bought that you knew folks were going to compliment you on?

I used to wear dorky glasses all through High School, not because I didn't think they were dorky but because momma wasn't dropping bread on the cool looking ones. But once I got my first job and bought a new pair of specs I knew people would compliment if only because they weren't telescopes anymore lol
The Duchess

I LOVE a man that wears glasses
http://mzvirgo.com/ MzVirgo

Sadly, I think I know someone who does. MY BFF jut blurted out a few weeks ago, "did you notice my navel piercing?" But then again, she craves compliments like it's nicotine.....she expects you to notice everything all the dayum time. Like the last commenter said, if I see something on someone I like, I will make a compliment. Why should I feel forced to compliment somebody?
Full of Fire

@ da throne

i guess...but i would luv to watch the highlights...not because I like Madden but b/c I wanna share in and be a part of what makes you happy (you being my man... im not psycho)... I talk my mans ear off about hair and weave ALL the time... I know he doesnt give a damn but it makes me happy so he gives in and when he wants to have a weird ass conversation about something I dont get I'm game for it....

I think we all end up with someone we are compatible with... I would be sooo miserable with someone who didn't compliment me or notice subtle changes...I would feel neglected b/c like previously mentioned I did it for you or with you in mind...
YoungJay

@ The Duchess

Single Chocolate brother with Glasses from NYC taking applications ; )

(P.S- just don't tell Elle lol)
Onlyrookie

Yes Veronica was looking for a female response from Jerry...so I agree. Do I fish for compliments myself, now but I love it when I thinking I am looking good and someone compliments me on my appearance as well, especially if that happens to be the person I am dating.

Yes I have bought things with compliments in mind, but those compliments include "does it compliments my body", or "outline some other feature I may have", "does it make me feel good, like a sharpe suit to give me that Monday morning push to get to the office"....compliments from others like you said just becomes a bonus.

PS...Veronica being pissed about the reaction to her nail was CHILDISH!!!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@BMW2K & Jara

Just to clarify that scenario I laid out wasn't FOR my then-boss, she was just the person i used as an example because she opened the door by saying "nice shirt." Like I said/wrote, I was feeling myself HARD in my new Avirex so that small compliment was all I needed to get me hyped to show off my new jacket. It could have been the janitor if he/she had said nice shirt. LOL

This was like 10 years ago, mind you
http://goldensoulsista.blogspot.com/ Goldensoul

Do you have friends that fish for compliments?
Absolutely not... I cannot stand people like that. If you're genuinely asking for an opinion, that's different ... I'm a female and its very hard for me to give or recieve compliments. If a female friend asks me what I "think about her *insert useless accessory here*" my usual response is "what about it?" Does it REALLY matter? 10 yrs from now, is someone REALLY gonna look back and say "That Veronica... she had some BANGIN NAILS!" ...doubt it. (and no, no dude is gonna say "I broke up with Veronica cuz she never got her nails done" either)

Did Veronica have a right to be mad at Reggie for his “they’re cool” response?
Not at all. I mean if doin her nails is what SHE likes to do.. good for her. Don't expect your man to be into EVERYTHING you're into.

Was it a case of a man being too honest?
Not at all. More power to him. lol

Do you agree with my assessment that Veronica was looking for a “female” response from him?
"female...." no. In general, generalizations are a bad idea

Do you feel that men tend to be less observant of the small things women do?
if you changed your mans video card with a shitty one... betcha he'd notice :-p Men get short changed here I think. Men do observe.. when it really matters... when it really comes down to it.. men notice. (Is it really that important to point out EVERYTHING a woman does? ESPECIALLY if you just PAID SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE YOU LOOK PRETTY... shyt you didn't even DO anything then!! AND you want dude to compliment you on ...something YOU didn't even do? wtf lol)

Would you rather someone give you a compliment without having to ask for it?
I'd rather not recieve any at all #1 If you're gonna compliment me on my looks, know that I have done NOTHING to earn them (unless you're talkin to someone who has six-pack abs and works really hard for it- then yeah you're complimenting the person on the dedication and hardwork) ... otherwise, it is plain genetics. #2 If you're gonna compliment me on something I did, you're just gonna make me uncomfortable because the next time I go to do something like that again, I'm gonna feel "Fake".. like I am only doing it because it led to people complimenting me (I'm weird, I know). So just leave me be and let me do what I do. If I'm doing something good I know its good that's why i'm doing it. Now if I'm fuckin up- then constructive criticism is welcome!

Do you lie or tell the truth when someone asks you for a compliment and you actually don’t like the item?
The truth. Cold. Hard. Truth. lol And while I'm at it, I will even call them out on it!!

Do you think that fishing for compliments a sign of insecurity?
Big time!! And to the dudes who put up with that... *points and yells* ENABLER!! *

Have you ever fished for compliments?
Not my style.

Once the one item you bought that you knew folks were going to compliment you on?
No, I buy things I like... things that fit who I am
Malaika C

Actually you would be surprised at how many men out there are looking at all the small things women do to look and feel good. A friend of mine dated a guy who made a comment about her not getting a weekly manicure or wearing heels on their dates. "Uh, excuse me fashion police!" was all I could think. If that's a requirement then you can fund those weekly trips to the nails salon.

At the end of the day, women want to be appreciated for the efforts they sometimes take to look good for their significant other. Looking our best is a compliment and a sign of respect to our men. However, our desire to look, feel and be at our best should not be motivated entirely by and for the attention of men. A new outfit, hairstyle or manicure are the perfect pick-me-ups for even the most confident woman.
da ThRONe

@Full of Fire

I have had countless conversation about weaves, finger nail polish, feminine hygiene products and fashion more then I care to remember. If its important enough to you to talk about it then Im willing to listen ,but dont have a hissy fit if I dont notice something you know I have no interest in.
Full of Fire

@ da throne

***WHITE FLAG***

Agree to disagree...cuz i would punch you in your nose if we were to date...

oh..lol
BMW2K

@ NWSO

No, I didn't get that impression, and I'm not bashing. I just wanted to point out that men like to get complimented and noticed as well. (Although I still think Victoria was whiny). I think your response even more proves the point. "It could have been the janitor if he/she had said nice shirt. LOL"

IMO, we all like genuine compliments because they are affirming.

Loved this topic by the way . . .
da ThRONe

@ Full of Fire

Why so violent? LOL I do like it rough.

You would love me! And would take me home to meet moms and everything.
Elle

LoL well, I have to agree with The Duchess:

I LOVE men who wear glasses. Something about them ...

PS: Ahem! I saw that
DC Man With a Plan

@ Mizze and Elle: If you can find AND keep a man who fulfills all of your needs, conforms to all of your dreams, goals and expectations--STICK with him. But if you find dudes NOT sticking around, not being with you for the long haul; Walking out on your azz--for unknown reasons: Check yourself. You will not be able to convince ppl on the WWW to behave in the manner YOU think is desirable or acceptable. I have a woman, and have been very successful with relationships so there are women out there for ME that aren't YOU: and I'm cool with that. ALL women are NOT for me. All men are not for you: that really is the bottom line.
And for those all uptight about the comment my friend made about women being useless, it was tongue in cheek. If you've NEVER heard a racy, or negative joke about women........U need to get out more often, maybe go to a comedy club. And contrary to what Mizz and Jara wrote, any negative and derogatory comment about women in general NEVER applies to the person telling the jokes mama, sista, etc,. Humor 101...smdh
DC Man With a Plan

Giving props to Malaika for ONE of the best statements I read from a woman about women: " However, our desire to look, feel
and be at our best should not be motivated entirely by and for the attention of men. A new outfit, hairstyle or manicure are the perfect pick-me-ups for even the most confident woman." Fo-sho, just one way to ensure you're NEVER isolated, never living more for him--than for yourself.
The Duchess

LOL @ Jay & Elle!
Elle

Well damn, DC got a stick up his butt today or what's with the animosity?!

When or where was I trying to convince anyone to behave in the manner I deem desirable? You asked for examples. I gave you some. Nothing more and nothing less.
Everyone ain't for everybody like you said and that's great. Who is having a problem with that? I certainly do not.

As for successful relationships: the only people bragging with their relationship skills should be those who have been married to the same person all their life and stayed in love with their partner.
In any other case, we ALL should check ourselves occasionally and re-evaluate our flaws. Just because one has a man/woman today doesn't mean he/she will be there tomorrow. Get off your high horse, will ya?
YoungJay

@ Elle

I'm sorry it was a slight lapse in judgement...don't worry I know where home is ; )

@ Duchess

Yea we're (Elle and I) an NWSO love story that just hasn't started yet : )
Jara

DC - "And for those all uptight about the comment my friend made about women being useless, it was tongue in cheek. If you’ve NEVER heard a racy, or negative joke about women……..U need to get out more often, maybe go to a comedy club. And contrary to what Mizz and Jara wrote, any negative and derogatory comment about women in general NEVER applies to the person telling the jokes mama, sista, etc,. Humor 101…smdh"

Yes, I've heard many "racy" and "negative" jokes about women - more than enough actually. We can tell a lot about a person's views on life from what they find funny because there's always some truth to a joke (to those that find it funny). Saying that a woman is "useless without a pussy" is not a joke...because it's not even close to the truth. For me anyway. And if you think that misogynistic "joke" is funny, then that tells me about you. The ONLY way that joke could be classified as "funny" is if it was sarcasm. Otherwise, I'm SMDH @ your friend's lack of class and sense.
da ThRONe

@Jara

I think you are taking it way to hard its just a joke. We all know it isnt true. I have said way worse about people I consider my only reason for living. Sometimes a joke is just a joke. I dont know DC Man's friend but I dont think it was something rooted in a hate for women it was just a funny joke. No different than "Women cant live with them cant kill them and get away with it since Johnny Cochran died" LOL! See just a harmless joke.
Jara

@NWSO

I co-signed BMW2K's comment about your story about your boss complimenting you because it proves that men LOVE compliments just as much as women - even from people who don't really matter as much as a girlfriend or wife would...like a boss or a janitor. Meanwhile, the rest of your post belittles Vanessa's need for a compliment - just because it's about something "silly" like her nails. The thing we want to be complimented on varies, but the need/appreciation for a compliment is the same across the board for men and women.
Jara

@Da Throne

Hmm.. Well, I think you men aren't taking that "harmless joke" hard enough. First of all, my only response to DC about that stupid joke was that "any man who would say that is also useless", which apparently warranted an entire paragraph's worth of comeback from DC (see above). But I'm "taking it too hard"? lol Why not tell DC he's taking my response "too hard"?

Anyway....

Carry on with the misogynism.
Jara

Men who think it's okay to disrespect women should have their penises cut off. Where's Lorena Bobbitt when we need her?

Is anyone else laughing at my "harmless joke"? Hello, is this thing on? *tapping non-existent mic*
da ThRONe

@Jara

To your first post. First ofcouse we all love compliments that isnt gender base. The thing about Veronica is how she responded to Reggie vague answer. If Ans was walking around throwing his jacket and people face and when they didnt drool over it he had a hissy that would be the same. Even the fact that she brought her nails up was cool but to behave like she slaved for him for hours just to be brushed off was immature and out of line. If you cant understand the difference ohwell

As for you second post. I can not read minds and these are written words not spoken so you cant judge the tone. But DC Man friend comment sounded like a general but absurd joke. While your comment seemed like a person attack on one of his friends. And all he said was dont take it serious his friend was just joking and tried to explain it happens all the time.
da ThRONe

@Jara

Maybe you should work on your delivery? LOL

So what happens to females that think its cool to disrespect other females? Can I say Im not offended by your (dry ass) joke dont care ,and some of the things I say can be misinterpreted as disrespectful towards females at times.
Jara

@Da Throne

Either you are reaching or you truly have a horrible sense of logic. I don't need to "read minds" to know what this "joke" means. I just need to know English and slang:

“And finally, In the words of one of my best friends: If women didn’t have a P*zzy, they’d be useless! I’m just sayin…..lol” - DC

And my response was:
Men who think this way are useless.

_____________________________

Did I refer to DC's friend specifically anywhere in that sentence? No. If it WAS truly a joke, then DC shouldn't have had a problem with my response, now should he? Because if it was just a "harmless joke", then my comment didn't apply to his friend, now did it? Because my comment is directed at "men who think this way".

But no, my response received a PARAGRAPH's worth of a-holey comment from DC and now you're jumping in to fight his battle for him? To defend a tasteless joke? Both of you are lame and a waste of my time. Thank God there are REAL men that exist that don't find that excuse for a "joke" funny. And know that any future response from you about this will be ignored by me. You're an idiot. And my "dry ass" joke is as funny as that "dry ass" Johnny Cochran joke.

As I wrote earlier, carry on with the misogynism.
da ThRONe

@Jara

My point for bring up the tone of what said is the tone is often way more important then whats said. If Katt Williams get on stage a tell jokes about women you can laugh it off because thats what he does tell jokes and he probably dont even believe it. Like wise if some dude is bitter and say "Women are worthless" its not funny its sad and dude need to get a life. As readers not listener we are forced to guess the tone in which something is used. And I think its where alot of us lose each other.

As far as me defending that joke I would defend your (super dry ass joke ) the same. But when you respond to something thats said how you did it comes off as retaliation not just a funny(or unfunny) joke. You may or may not have intended it that way but thats how I took it for the outside in.

I can understand you stance because Im the 1st person to point out and correct the male bashing when it starts.
Elle

Drinks anybody? I think we could allllll use some drinks.

@Jay
hehe ... ok so, now since you know where home is, how about you make a move ... LoL
http://brooklife.blogspot.com brook

LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE and did i say Lie?

cause whatever you really think, they just want to be reassured their taste and style is right.

NOT that they really want to know what you think...

WHEW! stuck my foot in it PLENTY of times cause i really think girls are really asking me a REAL question...
y'all rarely actually do that...
b for real