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What if Your Boo Smashed the Homie? (Sharing Lovers)

Posted by NWSO • November 24, 2009 • Printer-friendly

While getting my regular dose of reality TV the other day, I caught last week's episode of For the Love of Ray J 2 (yeah, I watch it—sue me). If you're not familiar with the show, there was this girl last season named Danger that it turns out had slept with one of Ray J's boys back in the day. This potential cross-contaminated groupie love was so eloquently encapsulated in song by comedian Tom Green, who began chanting, "Danger, she smashed the homie... Danger, she smashed the homie."

Needless to say Danger didn’t “win.” Ultimately, it wasn’t because she smashed the homie but a host of other things that I won’t bother getting into here. Well, in season two it appears yet another one of Ray J's ladies has smashed a homie. This time it’s some chick dubbed Luscious.

Despite the morally questionable premise of his reality show, Ray J seems to be a pretty genuine and understanding fellow. He actually wasn't that upset that someone he knew had slept with one of his contestants, it was the fact Luscious didn't come out and tell him about it when she met the smasher in question. Ray J understands that everyone has a past because he has one as well, he just respects people that keep it 100.

After getting numerous chances to come clean about her past tryst with the homie, Luscious finally fessed up. However, her delayed revelation put a big question mark over her head when it came time for eliminations. When the dust settled and all the champagne glasses were handed out, though, Luscious still got one and the crazy stalkerish girl that camped out in Ray J’s room was sent packing.

Based on the Danger situation from last season and Ray J’s initial reaction to the news that yet another girl had smashed the homie, it was kind of surprising that he didn’t give Luscious the boot. In fact, one of the other girls said something to the effect of, “Ray J must really like her.”

I guess so.

For the most part, guys are generally less emotional attached to the act of sex and don’t get bent out of shape as easily as the fairer sex, so I could see Ray J brushing off the episode. However, when I came across this extended clip that didn’t air I wasn’t sure the average man would still be able to holla at Luscious.

See for yourself:

Basically, not only did the homie smash Luscious, he smashed her in Ray J’s house and on his couch—at least 5-6 times!!! That’s seems to be a bit too close to home—literally—for my tastes.

Now, I can recall a situation back in college where I was talking to a girl for a minute and right after we stopped kicking it she hooked up with my homie. She wasn’t ever my wifey or anything like that and it was mostly a sexual affair, so when my man wanted to holla I gave my blessings. There was no real emotional connection on my part and I figured if they wanted to try to explore something; who am I to stand in the way of potential new romance?

Maybe I’m different but I believe men can usually rationalize things like sex a lot better than their female counterparts, so it’s slightly easier for guys to talk those kind of things out with little to no drama. Of course, the woman in question can’t be someone the original guy was in a serious relationship with because that would just be a major violation of Man Law.

In the Ray J case, though, Luscious clearly wasn’t much more than a roll in the hay for the homie and based on reality TV history, even if she wins, her future with Ray J doesn’t seem likely to go farther than the life of this season.

With that said, I’m still baffled that Ray J would overlook the fact his homie not only smashed Luscious but in his home. Sure, everybody has a few skeletons in their closet—some bigger than others—but if my man piped some chick down on my couch 5-6 times I don’t think I’d be able to mess with her or that couch for that matter.

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with? Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has? Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level? Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly? If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them? Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex? Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women? Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends? Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?

Speak your piece…

UPDATE: Here's the "Danger Song"

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Tagged as: Danger She Smashed the homie, For the Love of Ray J, Ray J, sharing exes

Skye Blue

Juicy topic!

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with?
Noooo. Just thinking about this grosses me out. Never understood how people sleep with their BFF's husbands or boyfriends.

Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?
I doubt it, but I don't think they would tell me if they did.

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?
Yes and No. Yes if everybody involved if the two friends are really mature and honest about how they feel. No, because part of me believes that even in the most open and honest friendships, a little resentment may creep in at some point. Really it depends on the people involved.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?
I think so - but how brief is brief?

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?
I think years and years would have to pass, before I could be okay with this.

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?
No, because I'm sure that the women I call friends would come to me to talk about it first.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?
Not sure about this one. I think men can be pretty territorial, even when they are not emotionally attached to a situation.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?
No.

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?
Not in my world, but may be generally in society there is.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Da Throne

Who said I was taking the reality shows seriously? We talking about real reality and what You/readers would do not Ray J. Tron, he smashed the homegirl, Trom, he smashed the homegirl.

I;d watch your reality show though, bro.
http://www.twitter.com/raquel_seymone Millionaire In the Making

In my opinion, I couldn't date or sleep with someone that dated or slept with a friend of mine. I would never want to be in the position of the two of them discussing me and "comparing notes"

(love ur blogs, Ans.)
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com Spinster

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with?
- No. A few years ago though, I began talking to my ex's sister's ex. They'd been broken up for a few years and she actually got engaged and married. There was NO sex involved, just some messing around for a very short period of time. I felt bad about it and would never do it again.

Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?
- Besides my above story (does that count?), can't think of anyone else off the top of my head.

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?
- Eh, not sure.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?
- It might bother me a little bit but who knows. Never been in that situation before so can't really say.

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them? Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?
- Ooooh, that's a tough one.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?
- Yes. "Bros over hoes", right? :-/

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?
- To most people, yes. I know someone who has done that before. It didn't really bother me, but she DID keep the information away from certain friends/family members because she didn't feel like being judged.

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?
- In my opinion, yes.
da ThRONe

First watching those dumbass love reality shows is one thing ,but actually taking them serious is a whole other thing. You better than that Ans! SMDH!LOL

I agree that its more about emotional attachment than sex. Sex comes and goes but emotions are a whole other thing. If I was able to get on the same page with a chick Im focused on that not who she sexed in her past. But I definitely understand the dilemma it can cause though.
da ThRONe

Tron aint smashing nobody!

Im sure it'll be his next single. "Chick smashed the homie" I can hear it now.
keisha brown

first off.. smashed? piped some chick? ugh..

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with?
-probably not. if my friend is no longer sleeping with them, there is probably a reason and i probably know the intimate details of why

Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?
-nope. and no one that has admitted to it.

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?
-my first reaction to this question would be yes. but deep down - we are all humans and feelings are hard to control and can't be pre-determined.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?
-did dated include being "smashed"?

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?
-serious exes became an ex for a reason. that being said, they are off limits. because they also became serious relationships

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?
-depends on the friend and how the whole thing happened.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?
-no. i think that's a man myth. there is a reason why many women never share their number of sexual partners with a dude. and many times it has nothing to do with shame but all in the dude's reaction.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?
-we like to think that all women abide by a sisterhood. we don't. there are women who get off and are perfectly fine to sleep with other women's men. we'd like to think a friendship is stronger than being "smashed" by some dude - but i'm sure men have broken up more female friendships than vice versa.

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?
-just because y'all don't talk about it, and dont want to be called a bitch/pussies for bitching about it, doesn't mean that it's not upsetting.

we need to end the stereotype that women are a bunch of overly-emotional crybabies while dudes are tough manly-men. would i be surprised if one of my friends slept with an ex of mine? sure. but since 9 times out of 10, i've been the breaker and not the breakee..i would be more surprised than anything else.
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com Spinster

I think I like keisha brown.
Elle

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with? Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?
- I couldn't and I wouldn't for several reasons. Number one: my girls and I have COMPLETELY different taste as far as men are concerned. So even if the guys in question hadn't been "touched" by any of my girls, they still were of no interest for me simply based on their appearance. We're fishing in different oceans. So realistically speaking, this won't be a problem from the get-go. Reason number 2: as soon as men are dealing with one of my girls, they become asexual to me - much like Mickey Mouse or Michael Jackson. And who would really want to bone Mickey? Not me.
And finally number 3: if despite reason number 1 and 2 I would find interest in a guy who used to be with one of my "sisters", I wouldn't pursue the idea simply because it is wrong. There may not be much of a "woman law" but in my circle we practice it religiously.

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?
- No. If it works for other people and their friends - cool. But I am sorry, if he is one of my exes there is a reason. And I surely wouldn't want to see his face on a regular basis again. There are 7 billion people on this planet. There is no need to mess with one of the few guys I already have been involved with. It's a fair deal if you ask me: 7 billion vs 3.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?
- Although it wouldn't be an emotional issue on my part because if we only dated briefly chances are I do not care about the man, it would still be highly weird and probably make all of us feel uncomfortable. No dick in the world is worth feeling uncomfortable around you friends. Sorry. So I'd prefer it, if she threw that fish back into the ocean.

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?
- See above. Serious exes are wayyyyy off limits. She better look among the rest of humanity for a new beau.

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?
- Yep. Loyalty, respect and honor mean a lot to me. If somebody crosses me in that way, the person is dead to me. Yea, it's extreme but I do not compromise on my values. I respect people enough not to put them in such an uncomfortable situation and expect the same respect in return. If you do not respect me, there is no point in you being a part of my world.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?
- I don't buy it. Men have feelings too. It is simply unpopular for them to admit when they have been hurt.
Just comparing the reactions men and women get in situations when a relationship has ended shows the double standard. While women "are allowed" to cry about it for weeks, men tend to be told to "man up and move on". A few drinks and some new pussy is all men are allowed to need to get over heartbreak. Rarely anyone asks what's going inside of them. It's a general problem. And I think the higher suicide rate in men speaks volumes.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends? Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?
- It would make look everyone bad if you ask me. Man, woman, doesn't matter to me. If you are a whore, you are a whore - excuse the strong word - but you get what I mean. I do not think particularly high of men or women who behave in such manner. Gender has nothing to do with it.
Kate

Ugh, this happened in your house and you can't remember the girl? Ray J is a whore.
http://thoughtsof100k.blogspot.com/ 100K

I slept with a girl that my man used to go out with. it was a win win situation at the time.

i wouldnt wife one though.
mizze

See, I guess Im just different because IMO I would not care if my friend slept with or decided to try and be in a relationship with someone I just smashed..sorry, I dont care!! If he was not important or I told her how he was and she wanted to test drive then thats up to her. If I am not with him or we werent in a relationship, then why does it matter if we had sex or not? If he was good then I want her to share in the experience..LOL..Im only slightly kidding. Sorry, im not "that" female who over rationalizes sex *as a lot of women arent these days* which most guys still dont quite get.

My thing is, everyone has had sex with someone. I know my friends know some of the guys I had sex with. What is the difference of that guy having sex with me, and that guy havin sex with a random female? At least if she wanna be with him after I have, she aint gotta worry about catchin nothing..lol.. But in all seriousness, it depends on if you had feelings for the guy or if you were in a real relationship. The one way to tell if there were some types of feelings involved is if chick DONT want you havin nothin to do with him (unless she know he got something or what not).

I dont know a whole lot of women (my age group..older women seem to..lets not go there) who run around callin girls ho's who would not go and call a dude the same thing if he participated in the same act. But there are WAYYY more dudes that will call a girl a ho' and he doin the SAME thing or his friends are doin the SAME thing. Cuz why did he look sideways at LUCIOUS? Why wasnt he too heavy on his friend that slept wit a chick he just met? HUMMMMM..we all know the answer..

And I think it depends on the person if they can handle the fact that they girl or guy smashed the homie. Some guys may react one way, some girls may react another. Are guys generally more likely to just let it go.. I dont know because i have a LOT of friends who have no problem hookin up with a dude, havin a sex-with-benefits, guy on the side and can have NO emotional attachment. SO it really depends on if that person can handle the fact that it was just sex. point blank.
mizze

Oh, yeah and I did date a friends ex (they had been broken up for a while) and we have been together for four years now so it may not have been wildly popular at the time but I went and did it. Before we even had a first date I went to that friend and talked to her about, I dont think she was completely coo with it and lookin back on it now, I can see why she would be and dont blame her for any hard feelings she may have had.
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Alicia

SMH!

Smash = to have sex, intercourse, insert penis into vagina.
Ayanna

It's funny this topic comes up, because just 2 days ago I found out that a man I used to deal with and am still friends with used to also hit a childhood friend- a friend where our families grew up together, sleepovers, etc. and our parents are still friends to this day. To be honest, it weirded me the f*ck out! Maybe if it hadn't been a person I'd known since I was in diapers then it would be different, but I kept picturing the childhood version of her and getting chills.
http://www.theblackurbantimes.com Alicia

What in the world does it mean to "Smash The Homie"?????
Keisha Brown

I'm gonna guess that Alicia was being sarcastic.
Just my guess.

Really? Smash though??
skye

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with?

I have always thought it's a bad idea hooking up with a freinds ex. Even if that friend has given their blessing i do not think it's a good idea. Some poeple don't wanna come off as still having feelings for their ex so they brush it off, or maybe don't want to come off as being unnecessarily finicky. I don't think it's a good idea mainly because i believe the ex always has "1st rights" on that man. Even if she lied and said it's o.k, if somewhere down along the line "he and she" decide to rekindle the ole flame- then you are to blame for this mess you've gotten yourself into because u should have known better. Leave friends' exes alone- $hit could pop off any time. U never know!

Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?

I haven't but, infact I have never seen my friends men/ex men in that light. Well for the most part that is, but I currently find myself in a situation...I have gotten to be good friends with an old freinds ex. It's all above board, but i get the feeling that this friendship could move onto other terrains and i really do not want to do that to myself. My friend and this dude went out about 7 yrs ago and dated for almost 2 yrs. I haven't even told my girl i'm friends with her ex, i actually don't even know where i'd start, it is in part coz i don't quite trust our "friendship" myself. *smh*

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?

No because u don't astart at love- love is where u end up when u let things go too far.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?

Briefly being what? 2/3 months? Depends on how intense those few weeks/months were.

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?

Serious exes are off limits. That ish is just uncomfortable, even if both parties are absolutley over it. There's too much history there, and u being the friend probably know too much about the situation anyway.

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?

Depends on the ex. I generally don't care about that- even though I'm careful not to get myself caught up in that emotional mess. But there is maybe 2 exes i would mind about -if they hooked up with a freind.I dunno about cutting them off, imy reaction would probably be al lil more passive aggressive than that. lol.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?

I wouldn't know, but i do have a guy friend who's best homie hooked up with his ex serious girl a year after they broke up. He mainly talked to us - his female freinds- about the situ- and he wasn't cool with the situation at all.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?

Well society would have something to say about that- that's for sure. That being said I've hooked up with friends. The 1st friend- we just made out a couple of times- nothing ehctic. But i did like him and was hoping something real would come off of it. It didn't, i moved on. A few months later, his homie- whom i was freinds with and who liked me for a minute hollered- but ona serious tip. He played it smart though, coz he got real close on the friendship level- really got me to notice him on another level. I did, and we ended up together for almost 3 yrs.

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma? Mos def!
http://goldensoulsista.blogspot.com/ Goldensoul

First off, I'm laughin at dudes that talk like that..."smashed your girl" and "piped some chick"... all in the while these women are using you for what you have (which usually isn't much to begin with.. hence she'll settle for the dick) and dudes think they're the shit.... like Jill said...all he did was "make it sting when she pees"

NOW for the questions:
Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with?
No. If my friends have been intimate with them... and it didn't work out, I usually know why and I'd rather not go through the same thing with them.

Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?
Well, yes.... I was dating someone when I was much younger (I was 19-20 at the time and... extremely shallow) I broke up with him because I was a gym rat and he...lets just say he was 6'0 150 lbs soaking wet (and no it was not "all muscle" lol) He's a great guy, just not for me... 8 yrs later we got back in touch- he was actively looking for someone and my best friend had just gotten over a bad relationship so I set em up on a date ... I know its a lil weird but I could really see them together for the long term... we even hung out a few times and no, it wasn't weird. They are now married (I was one of the bridesmaids) and about to have a baby girl in Dec!! =D

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?
Obviously I do.. or maybe I wasn't emotionally involved so it was easy for me "to pass the torch" so to say... *raises eyebrow* lol

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?
Just because I was talkin to dude doesn't mean I own him for the rest of our natural born lives! So hey... if thats what you want.. be my guest!

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?
With serious ex's ... I still wouldn't mind. Especially if they know WHY we broke up and they still wanna go head give it a try... go 'head..just don't come runnin' cryin' to me cuz all I'll have to say is "I told you so!" lol

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?
Nope.. llike I said...was one of the bridesmaids at her wedding lol

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?
If you just "hittin' it" then I doubt it. (and I mean for men AND women.) And if you're emotionally involved I think depending on personality, both men and women are just as likely to be a lil bothered by it.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?
Ya'll act like the dude wasn't in the room too. Shyt.. the women enjoyed the sex just as much the dude did... If that's what SHE likes.. I'm no one to judge. As long as she knows what she's doing... and thats what makes her happy...

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?
No. I think men are so caught up in themselves they don't realize that they get the same reputation. They forget that women know..they talk.... and they know who they would like to marry and who is good just for the dick.

***Since NWSO focused on women and men who went around sleeping with each other...I had to take that into consideration. Just like not all men are "dogs" who go lookin to "pipe some chick"... not all women honestly care about the double standard that society imposes on women. Personally I wouldn't let myself be passed around like I'm a piece of blunt within a circle of friends...that isn't something I want...but some women - just like some men- don't mind it.
da ThRONe

A few points.

First just because two people were intimate doesnt mean there was a relationship between the two. People keep saying they wouldnt sleep with a friends ex. I think we all can agree there(although I had it happen to me). But this isnt about serious relationships just flings.

Second thing. Just because two people choose not to take things past a fling doesnt mean there is something wrong with either party.
musicman

It depends...It she was a "girlfriend" then we probably did enough smashing that my homies would want nothing to do with her, 'cuz I would have left my mark.

My pimp game is relatively tight...so dudes tend to not want the sloppy seconds, I don't really hang with bottom feeders...LMAO
Potato w/ Jive

Haha i gotta say, while i dont condone these "reality shows" (lets be real, whats "real" about them when its scripted by producers?) this bit is kinda funny and somewhat telling.

Dude has multiple girls in his crib, homies smashing em all over his place, and he doesn't remember them. I think its safe to say that any kind of resentment or anger about the whole thing is staged for TV. Clearly it wouldn't matter to him at the end of the day.

Ive run into this problem myself. I had smashed a girl, then later a homie was into her. When you roll with a circle of friends, things will happen. Does it exclude people from being youre mate? in my experience its half and half.
Keisha Brown

co-sign with Goldensoul.
LMAO @ "make it sting when she pees”
Sharing is caring?

@ keisha brown and skye- yes! yes! Just had this conversation with my homegirl the other day. It is my opinion that there are enough fish in the sea that we don't need this kind of cross-over. It is also an unspoken understanding amongst all my closest girlfriends whether one of us slept with the guy once or had a relationship for years. Now where it gets sticky is with the jump-offs. As unappetizing as it may be for me and most women I know, men often feel differently. But like 100% said- most likely they won't make her their wife... I mean every situation needs to be looked at on an individual basis but when I truly think about it- and when visualizations start popping off, my response overall is that it's pretty nasty.
MissMe83

HAHAHAHA funny stuff! Umm so I have kinda sorta been in this situation...I'll let you all decide.

So my cousin was talking to this dude (YES MY COUSIN...mind you she was about 11 and I was 15) I know ya'll are probably like what were ya'll doing!! Yeah so anyway, me and the dude were the same age. But she was talking to dude, thought they were together, but dude was like they were just friends. One thing led to another, he wanted to talk to me and not her. I ASKED her if it was ok..she said ok just as long as I knew he was a dog! (Mind you this is the ramblings of a 11 or 12 year old...and this is 14 yr old puppy love!! lol) So dude and I start dating. On and off again for a few years. And then my cuzzo gets upset with me and doesn't talk to me for YEARS (to be honest, it wasn't until recently that we have been able to really talk to each other)

To be honest, I don't think I would be mad if one of my friends wanted to smash one of my ex jump offs. As long as he was JUST THAT!!! Hell if he was THAT good, I'm probably the reason she was curious in the first place..lol

But in my case, it was more than that..my cuzzo thought she was really in "puppy" love with dude. MY BAD KINFOLK!!! Then again..she could have been real with how she was feeling when I asked...oh well. That's what happens when you tryna be fast!!!
http://koolaidontherocks.wordpress.com/ RtG

I actually had a milder case of this happen to me earlier this year. I met a guy at a friend's b'day party. We hit it off, exchanged numbers, etc. The next day I get a call from the friend who's birthday we were celebrating saying that, fyi, another of our friends had been set up on a blind date with dude. The blind date was over coffee two months prior to me meeting him. Nothing happened; not even a kiss. My homegirl and dude never went out again, so presumably they weren't that impressed with each other. Still, I called my homegirl immediately to get her permission.

So I called her up and told her everything. Said I hit it off with this guy, just found out that she had coffee with him on a blind date a few months back, blah blah blah. Was she okay with me pursuing him?

She said she was totally cool with it. So happy I met someone nice. She threw in that he seemed to be checking for her, but she didn't have time to date because of law school. (This should've been a red flag.) I was just like, um, okay. Ya know, trying not to make it awkward.

Three months later, she sees us together and is furious. She ignored me but then called the next day to tell me she'd never to do to a friend what I did to her, I put her in a bad position, etc etc etc. It was very dramatic.

She didn't speak to me for me for four months, but then we finally had dinner together and talked it out. But still. It was ridiculous how territorial she felt about a guy she'd only gone out with once...on a blind date...over coffee...and didn't even kiss...and didn't even like enough to try to see again.

As for the dude, we dated for eight months but broke up about two weeks ago. I haven't told her that, though. lol

Bottomline: Women can be very resentful and petty about almost anything.
da ThRONe

@RtG

Sounds like you need more mature friends! I would never stand in anybody way to find love.
G.G. (Thanks Tron) aka Shay from L.A.

No SMASHING the homie's man over here!
copy

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with?-----------
Yeah most definetly. I'm just beatin', not wifin'.

Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?------------------
Not particularly. But I'm pretty sure that I have friends that did.

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?--------------------------------
For me, no. But to each their own.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?----------------
Yeah go in. I got to be secure about myself.

If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?--------------------
Off limits unless I'm really really cool with them. Why would I want to see them everytime I chill with one of my boys.

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?------------------------
He better have a good reason to be dating her. And a good dude.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?------------
I don't know. Some guys I know are pretty emotional about the silliest things. If we were at a bar or something and they saw their ex-chick hooking up with their dude theyd probably flip.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?----------------------
Yep.

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?------------
I guess. If my boy pipes out two female friends at two different times then we are going to laugh about it.
NdotShine

Dealing with a very very similar situation right now....

I had a brief sexual relationship with a guy that lived in my apt. complex about 2 years ago. My BFF was very aware of what was going on cause we discuss pretty much everything. She had seen me with him on several occasions.

So anyhoo, they had a class together and she informed me that he had been slipping her notes in class about hooking up with her. And she brought it to his attention that she was my bff and doesn't get down like that. So that was that....so I thought.

Fast forward 2009....I receive a text one day asking me about what type of relationship I had with the guy from 2 years earlier. I explain it was never anything serious just a few late night fixes. She then asks the question of how I would feel if something was to come up between the two of them. So now I'm confused....what's something that would "come up?" She explains that they had been talking on and off since he graduated in 07 and now it was becoming more serious and she just wanted to make sure it was okay with me before they went any further. I said oh..ok..cool no biggie...do you.

My thing is I don't have a problem with her being in a relationship with dude BUT why is this just being brought to my attention. We usually always share who we're dating or "smashing" lol, in full detail, but some how that just slipped her mind to tell...BS.

To this very day, she still hasn't even breathed to me that they are "official". And this has been since August. She's informed our other mutual friends but not me....hmmmm (Conscience is a MF). I would have been perfectly fine with it if she just would have kept it 100 from the jump. So now she is suspect to me for being sneaky.

With that being said.....nah I wouldn't mess with another of my friend's exes....cut buddy or hubby material. I trust their judgment and if they let them go, it probably was for a good reason.
skye

@Ndotsshine- def shady but in a way i understand her situation. Maybe there was nothing to tell b4 now.

It's a tricky situation, where 1 minute u and yr girl are swapping stories, the next she's tryna sample some of that ish u were telling her about a couple months back. I can understand the awkwardness of having to tell yr friend that. So she stalled *shrug*.
Momof3

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly?
When I was in college my roommate and I met this guy at the same time. She ASSUMED he was interested in her and started holding a conversation with him blocking the rest of us out. Then she gave him her number. When I saw him a few days later he asked for mine and since she told me she didn't have any interest in him I gave it to him. Later when she found out she got mad and they never even had a phone conversation! One of our other friends that was there tried to explain that he wasn't trying to talk to her that day but she wasn't trying to hear it... It was beyond weird... She just thinks every dude wants her and when they don't she gets mad.

But other than brief courtships with no sex involved... Exes (male or female) are off limits...
pre-med

Ans...
Your pictures are so classic..

This type situation is circumstantial... You can't help who your attracted to nor you fall in love with.. however... if one of my homegirl's decides that she wants to approach my Ex because of stories i told her about us.. then no.. thats not cool.. which is why you DONT talk to your girlfriends about you and YOUR man...

Personally... I have dated a guy that went out with someone I knew.. were we friends..no.. we just had casual conversations.. shared a few laughs... but I did notice that after I started dating him she all of a sudden had a sudden interest in being my friend..(yea ok)!!

Would I personally want date my friend's Ex.. NO.. Sharing is NOT caring... but like i said.. Some things cant be controlled..
Sugar

I've smashed behind my friends, one matchup was male the other was female. I think we put too much emphasis on sex. I've never been with a virgin, so everyone comes with a past.

Though knowing that these were purely sexual ventures, is another thing altogether. I dont think I could go any further than sex with someone that "smashed the homie."
BMW2K

Most of my friends who are single have lousy taste in men - would not be interested.

Would I care if one of them hooked up with someone I dated previously? Nope. I would be happy they decided to upgrade. However, I don't think the guys would because they are all married now as well.

I don't think males or females do well with this though. They just have different reactions.
AnonyMiss

Could you sleep with someone that one of your friends had been with? Better yet, have you already or do you know someone that has?
-I couldn't do it if I knew they'd been intimate before. I think that's just really weird. The only way I can see that happening is if I didn't know they'd fucked and we started dating and I ended up really liking him and found out later... then I might consider it if I could get over the fact neither one of them said anything to me about it, but only if I was already emotionally attached to dude.

Do you think it’s okay if it’s on some real love level?
-Well it takes a while to fall in love with someone. I feel like you shouldn't even let it get there in the first place. If you never spoke to him/her in the first place, love wouldn't even be an issue. Not worth losing a good friendship over something that might amount to nothing.

Is it okay for your friends to talk to someone you only dated briefly? If so, are serious exes are off limits or open game if you’re really over them?
-Well, they could and I may or may not feel some type of way but I definitely will rethink what kind of friend they are just because I would never do that. I mean there are plenty of men out there, why they gotta get with mine? Serious exes are off limits...no exceptions.

Would you cut off a friend that started dating your ex?
-Depends on how she handled the situation and who the ex is. If she went behind my back then we'd have to part. Can't deal with all that drama. Got enough problems already.

Do you think it’s true that guys are less likely to get bent out of shape over their current girl having been smashed by a homie than women?
-Nah, guys are mad territorial like someone said above. I feel like they might actually care more because they are less likely to admit it and instead will just harbor the bad feelings and let them build up. Whereas, a girl probably wouldn't be able to hide her true feelings about the situation.

Do you think it makes a woman look “bad” if she’s slept with mutual friends?
-You mean like if she breaks up with a dude and gets with his friend? Yeah, I think it does but only if she knew met the friend via her ex. If they just happen to cross paths and she later finds out the new guy is friends with her ex..well then that's ok.

Is there a double standard where men don’t get the same stigma?
-Definitely.
iSmashedTheHomie

I must admit that I did smash the homie....while HE was away on business. It wasn't like we had a serious relationship: we were just friends with benefits. Just so happens that his friend had better benefits. lol. It was weird because he walked in on us the 2nd time...we didn't know he was coming home. He looked at me like I had just killed his puppy, whereas the friend was like "Girl, he just being dramatic. You know what it is...he got other girls." Ole self-serving kneegrow.

Would I do it again? Nah. That's just whore-ish. I gots mine and it served its purpose. Such a double standard, but I would have been 38 mad if my best homegirl had slept with him. On to the next.

Men and women sleep with friends unknowingly and knowingly sometimes. It happens. Just be mature about it and do what is necessary to preserve sanity and the relationship/ friendship.
BADbrownbunny

As long as my friend doesn't like him - like him who cares. My good friend have been with the same guy but we both didnt like him- like him. And we used to joke about him afterward so .........
sexylady

I think people are so effin sensitive about these types of situations!(women especially) I think if it was someone you were married to, or had a serious relationship with, then yea it would be inappropriate for a friend to turn around and date them....n most situations but if i had a brief relationship with a guy that was not serious or purely sexual and later on down the line a friend was truly interested in they guy and wanted to date him, it would just be selfish of me to say she couldn't explore the possibilities just because we screwed once upon a time! Jus cause he wasn't right for me doesn't mean he couldn't be my friend's soul mate and I would neva stand n da way of that especially if there were no feelings involved. I'm not saying friends should make a habit of screwing the same guys or girls...but i know when u live in a city like I do where everybody knows everybody the shit is bound to happen at least once or twice
N2Deep

Thats why I don't have Friends!!! Joke! LOL

I don't believe you should without telling your friend especially if you know, but it happens. When you just being physical/with no strings you gotta keep your feelings in check and be 100 about it. If the sex is that great you might want to lock them down because sometimes the homie can put it down where you can't get it no more then that ass get mad.

I know people say their friends have different tastes but sometimes friends like your taste and if you say its just sex then that leaves the door open. Be careful how you say things and to who!!! We always forgive the friend quicker the man or woman that comes between us.

I have been that homie but I always said what it is to my friend cause I don't like surprises. Whenever I am done with an EX, I am done with them so they can smash who they want just not in my damn house!!
Chico

If youre going to do it, just tell your boy. Just tell him STRAIGHT UP, and if he doesnt, he's not your friend.