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Naked Time vs. Non-Naked Time (How Important is Sex?)

Posted by NWSO • November 30, 2009 • Printer-friendly

I was chillin' at my boy Mike's crib the other day and we got caught up in a conversation about life and male maturity. Both in our 30s (okay, technically just me since he's 29-and-three-quarters, but work with me here), we were realizing how much our attitude towards women had changed over the years.

Back in the day, it was all about going to parties, getting drunk, chasing skirts, and waking up the next morning hung over with some wild stories. Although there are many exceptions, most guys hopefully eventually tire of that lifestyle. As Mike and I reveled in this mutual revelation, he dropped a gem on me that he had picked up from another homie.

"When it comes to women," he began, "You gotta weigh the naked time vs. the non-naked time."

"What do you mean," I chuckled, 'cause that ish just sounded mad funny to me when eh said it.

"You gotta look at how much time you actually spend with a woman naked vs. how much you're with her with her clothes on," he explained. "If you have more naked time than non-naked time then chances are you're not that serious about the relationship."

"Damn, that's kinda deep," I said. "I definitely feel you on that one."

"Yeah, 'cause there was this one girl who I was talking to for a few months, but I had only hung out with her with her clothes on like twice," Mike revealed. "That's when I realized that we really weren't doing anything besides having sex and I eventually cut it off... She did have some nice tits, though. LOL."

I was really feeling Mike's words of wisdom (and his choice in women with boobie traps). I mean, how much can you really know about someone when all you're doing is having sex? As much as I enjoy the art of lovemaking and wouldn't mind turning a Wet Wednesdays into a real-life Wet Weekend with a hot chick, I know that there's more to life than bumpin' and grindin'.

I'll chalk this newfound outlook up to maturity. Aside from a couple one-time grinds, I've never been much of a dog. Now I'd be lying if I said I never schemed on some skinz in my day, but I've only had one relationship that was purely sexual. Even then, though, I still tried to throw some non-naked time in the mix. I've just never been the wham bam thank ya ma'am and bounce type of guy—even when that’s all it was about at the end of the day night.

Truth be told, in recent years I've been more likely to turn down sex than to accept it. Not because I didn't want to but because I know I didn't need to. (There’s a big difference between those two words, people).

I've gone through brief bouts of abstinence and sometimes I just opted not to sleep with certain women for a multitude of reasons. It wasn't that I didn't find them to be attractive, I had just reached a point where I didn't want to get physically attached unless I was ready to really build something with them or because I knew deep down in my gut that although it would probably be downright explosive in the bedroom, we'd ultimately both regret it in the long run.

This line of thinking may sound absurd to some (men and women), but perhaps they haven't figured out the importance of balancing that naked time vs. non-naked time yet. Don't get me wrong, sex is great and I enjoy a lot of it—especially if it's toe-curling good—but I'm at a point in my life where I need more than that. At the end of the day, if the naked time and non-naked time aren’t both quality time, then it’s just a waste of time.

What do you think of Mike's naked time vs. non-naked time philosophy? Have you ever thought about how the ratio of sex vs. actual time you spend with someone affects a relationship? Was naked time more important to you when you were younger? Does it take men longer to realize the importance of non-naked time? Did you ever date someone and when it was over, all you had in common was sex? Do you think relationships would last longer if people waited to know each other better before having sex?
Do you think some people lose sight of getting to know someone once great sex enters the equation? What do you value more, naked time or non-naked time?

Speak your piece...

Tagged as: developing feelings, intimacy, love, naked time, Relationships/Sex, Sex, true love

Skye Blue

Liked this post a lot and thing what Mike has to say would ring true for a lot of people.

Have you ever thought about how the ratio of sex vs. actual time you spend with someone affects a relationship?

Yep, usually more so when I sense that the guy I'm with is all about the sex and nothing else. Try to avoid those scenarios these days.

Was naked time more important to you when you were younger?

Don't think so.

Does it take men longer to realize the importance of non-naked time?

I don't think that it does, though I suspect many people will disagree with me. Just think they better at compartmentalizing romantic situations than women are, so it may seem like they don't recognize the importance of time spent fully clothed.

Did you ever date someone and when it was over, all you had in common was sex?

Definitely did this at least once when I was younger.

Do you think relationships would last longer if people waited to know each other better before having sex?

Not necessarily. Think longevity of a relationship is really about how a given couple communicates and their commitment to make the situation work.

Do you think some people lose sight of getting to
know someone once great sex enters the equation?

Yep, but I think that goes back to what I said above. All depends on what the people involved are willing to put in.

What do you value more, naked time or non-naked time?

Think this one is partner specific, but both are definitely good with the right person.

Thought about one more thing. I think there are times when naked and non-naked time overlap in a sense. For example, if after a really good 'session' a couple feels really connected and remain next to each other as they share feelings/conversate in a really meaningful way - this would be like non-naked time for them.

just a thought.
Elle

What do you think of Mike’s naked time vs. non-naked time philosophy? Have you ever thought about how the ratio of sex vs. actual time you spend with someone affects a relationship?
- Mike's philosophy is simple but dead on. Basically, that is what it boils down to most of the time.
This naked vs. non-naked time paradigm (lol) is one of the things that are a gift (and sometimes a curse) of long distance relationships. Because all you have is communication you actually talk more and about more relevant topics as opposed to going on dates with a new prospects. People have a tendency to find out A, B and maybe C about a person before they hop into bed only THEN to realize that they do not find E, K or Z too thrilling. So I commend everyone who takes a lot of non-naked time getting to know somebody.

Was naked time more important to you when you were younger?
- Nope, I've been sort of a late bloomer to begin with and that hasn't changed much.

Does it take men longer to realize the importance of non-naked time?
- Who knows. Some yes, some no. I've only dealt with one proverbial dog in my life but maybe I just got lucky.

Did you ever date someone and when it was over, all you had in common was sex?
- Nope. While I love and enjoy the physical side of relationships it has never been the center of attention for me.

Do you think relationships would last longer if people waited to know each other better before having sex? Do you think some people lose sight of getting to know someone once great sex enters the equation?
- See above. If we all took the time to learn about the "A to Z" of a person before we jumped into bed and/or into a relationship we could make a more edcuated decision and not act all surprised about certain traits/opinions later on.

What do you value more, naked time or non-naked time?
- Non-naked time hands down. When I think of my exes I do not remember the great sex but the non-naked times we've spent. Besides, we all get old and should have more in common than bed room sports.
http://www.twitter.com/primarythoughts Melanie

Great blog... of course the plug that you gave it on twitter made me think that it was going in a different direction, but great blog none the less. There definitely has to be balance in all that you do and your inter-personal relationships should receive ample thought, consideration and planning just as we do for the other important parts of life. It's more than just a romp in the bed, but I say if the balance is there, then romp away... lol
That Guy

Good Post,

I completely agree... I'm at the same point (and age) and been there since 24, because by then honestly it had lost its luster (I happened to have letters & #'s, and the "look" with a good job, no kids & plenty of style so women were never really an issue, since I was 15), and as we all know, no relationship, no matter how structured has risks, dependencies, and baggage to some degree and I was tired of picking that up, just for a some simple pleasures that I'd just enjoyed days earlier for years past. I think its natural that as you get older that you want more fulfillment out of all your relationships (friends, business, personal), the rub is trying to find someone your both compatible and sync with who's at the same point you are, and after the search gets tired, will you revert back to whats comfortable. I do sometimes, but I think the mere fact that you want and are trying to do/give more is a step in the right direction, maturity is a process not a destination.

There are times I get extremely frustrated because many women don't believe me when I say what I want and my direction and are often upset that we cant just be "friends w/benefits" because right now they just: Want to focus on school, just got out of a relationship and dont want anything serious, just want the benefits, heard about me through the negronet, travels too much, or they just don't believe that quality dudes really exist and dont want to get there expectations up only to have them let down. So I'm left to either fulfill my "manly" duties or shurg it off... Thats not as easy of a decision as it sounds, but its my life...

I told my boys, loneliness will make rationale people do irrational things "Being broke and alone is something I can't condone - Diddy"

Who knew growing up could be so intriguing...
da ThRONe

This completely doesnt apply to me. I guess its so simple and therefore its something I dont pay any mind to ,but I dont confuse sex with quality time. With the right person QT is so much better than sex with some others.
da ThRONe

I respect Ans dont know if I can turn down sex with a perfectly good female! LOL
-rizle

I agree with Mike. If u want the relationship to work. They should b more face time than naked time. Sex is important but it shouldn't b ur first priority in a relationship. There is more than that in a person. Good person with a good heart will make sex more meaningful.
distinguishedgentlewoman

Dead on. Neither is good without the other. But if I had to make a choice, I would choose non-naked time.
Shequita

"At the end of the day, if the naked time and non-naked time aren’t both quality time, then it’s just a waste of time"

I couldn't have said it better myself. Been there once. Although sex with that man felt very, very (ok one more) very good it didn't feel right. If I don't feel like I want to build a relationship with someone, we can't just be sexing. Why not get the sex and the companion and friend too??

Im almost always naked when I'm at home or somewhere I can be comfortable anyway, but I feel whatcha mean lol....I'd rather have more "non-naked time" because it makes the naked time all the more valuable.
Shequita

@Skyeblue

Very true great sex or love making can spark some very great/intense/meaningful pillow talk!! I'm an open book right after...alot of people are. Which is why I can't shag someone and jump up and put on my clothes and not feel kinda empty...just isn't fulfilling to me.
http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

i agree with mike's philosophy. when i was younger (and not so much younger) i didn't mind having purely sexual relationships. like you i've also never really been a dog so these sexual relationships were understood and we both took something away from it.

within the past couple of years i've come to appreciate a lot more things about spending time with women outside of sex. there are so many things to discuss, argue over, have fun with. sex definitely shouldn't be confused with quality time. it can include quality time but there are so many layers to a woman outside those layers that usually has us salivating.
mizze

I completely agree!! I love to know that men finally get to that point where they dont have to put on a front or play the role of "player" or whatever because they feel that is the role society tells them to play (or they are using that as an excuse). I love that philosophy and I believe that it ranges across ages and gender. I think if someone has not thought about naked time vs. non-naked time, then they are not ready to be in a relationship- they cant think past the physical. I have thought about this everytime I hooked up with someone. If I cannot see past this, or care to, then sex was all it was about to be.

Naked time was more important when I was younger because I was not as mentally mature as I am now. All I thought was about the immediate and felt that "naked time" was the only way to keep a guys interest. Now that I am older I really could care less if he stuck around. Sex is a BIG part of a relationship but not the ONLY part of one so it means that its not going to save or keep a person. I think people get to know each other better when great sex is involved IF they truly wanna get to know this person. If they dont want to know this person then if the sex is great, then thats all it will be. If they do, then great sex is a bonus.

I dont really know if waiting for sex is going to keep someone in a relationship. I think that they could believe that this will allow people to get to know one another..but someone could run into the problem with the girl who was allergic to her man's semen..you know? I think people should wait to at least know a good portion about the person before they have sex, but not forever because there could be some "issues" that some people are not equipped to handle and I believe they should know about all the probabilities before going in too deep

Non-naked time is more important. Point blank. Naked time IS important but the time you spend with someone outside the bed is more important. Sex is everywhere, they can get it from anyone, but a true connection with someone is not something you can go anywhere and find. What happens when you get older and it dont get "up" as fast (or at all) or it dont get wet like it use to? Do you really want your partner going out and finding someone else because the most important part of your relationship was sex, and now thats gone. Non-naked time is something that lets me know that my man is here because he wants to be with me, not want to be with me only if we are in the bed.
http://www.twitter.com/duepayer duepayer

This was a great post. Mike's assessment was dead on. Me, being 29 and three quarters myself, I find predominantly non-naked relationships much more fulfilling than strictly naked ones. So much so that I cut those females out of my life completely. I think we all reach the point when we're left unfulfilled in relationships that are strictly physical. For men it might take a bit longer because we tend to get hung up on physical conquest more than women. But I think we all want a meaningful relationship at the end of the day. Its up to us to uphold our standards and not fall into the same pattern of dating people you have no future with just because of physical attraction. I've lost a lot of good friends that became "cutty buddies," so I've definitely learned to be to be more selective and place a greater value on non-naked time. So far, so good...
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com/ Spinster

I've never experienced this, but I have (mostly female) friends who started out with sex quickly, with whoever they were dating. But after a while, things crashed and burned because there was nothing else there - nothing in common. Unfortunately, it was usually because they expected something more from the dating partner and the partner didn't feel like giving anything else but a piece of penis and a smile. (Or that's all he was worth but they wanted him to be worth more than that - fantasy expectations vs. reality.)

That's why for me, it's best to get to know a person better first before jumping into bed quick. Yeah, a person can still be an asshole after (insert whatever YOU think is a long time here), but at least (in my opinion) you'll have learned many things beforehand and can catch red flags before getting in too deep (pun not intended).
Rastaman

Good sex is flameable!!

I have had to learn to check my sex drive in my relationships with women because in my experience it has proved to be more overwhelming than anything else. Not because all we had in common was sex but because the sex obscured other aspects of intimacy. It so happens that during sex is when I am most passionate, emotional and open.
The women I have been with seem to enjoy that immensely and so they seem to crave those opportunities much more than my general stoicism.

I have no problems with it myself because I can separate the act from my feelings. But it has proven to be more complicating than even I wanted. That can be a problem, so an aspect of maturity is understanding that for a majority of people, primarily women there is a deep level of emotional investment in sex and I have learned to recognize that and adapt accordingly.

The people who fail to realize these things are usually extremely dense or just really self involved so much so that other people's feelings just don't matter.
Mike

muehehehehee, glad I could help combat the notion that guys are ALL ABOUT booty. We are but it can only take you so far. See guys are mature too! lol as NWSO displays time and time again.
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com/ Spinster

Rastaman - is that the only time that you're "most passionate, emotional and open"? I'm asking because I'm wondering if this generalizes to all men and also because in my experience, that'd raise a red flag - to know that that's the only time (most of the time) that a man can be "most passionate, emotional and open" would, to me, reek of emotional unavailability.

I'm not trying to pick on you or anything like that. I'm genuinely curious.
DC Man With a Plan

lmao.....Is this like politically correct day? Dang, there are a lot of reasonably prudent, intellectually mature, emotionally responsible Mo-fo's up in here!....lol. Yeah right. Some of y'all dropped it like it was hot this past weekend, with a person you KNOW ain't worth your time and attention, but today you're sounding like Plato...smdh. Mikes concept is on point and most men and women come to the realization at some point in time, that long term relationships require more out of bed time, than in bed time. Which is not to say, that at some point down the road, a man or woman can't just lose their mind for a minute and do a Kobe or Tiger Woods on ya....but most ppl desire a partner they can count on, respect, trust and develop with at some point in their lives. THERE are also those who are going to be playa's or playettes for life, but it requires too much game for most of us to keep that B/S going......Maturity and wisdom DO come with age and the willingness to honestly commit to, and communicate with, ONE partner tends to take a lot of failures (re: practice with others) before you get it right.
AnonyMiss

I'm really stuck on that phrase "physically attached". I guess I just never considered that while women tend to get emotionally attached men have a physical equivalent. I wonder which one is stronger? Anyhoo... I'm pretty inexperienced in the sexual arena so I really don't have much to say about all this except that I think it's really important to not have sex too early in the relationship because it does often become the focus in the relationship if done too early. Instead of using those awkward silences to build a relationship and get to know the person better... you fill them up with sex. And I guess there's nothing really wrong with that if you're not looking for a serious relationship but if you are then sex can kind of get in the way if you don't know how to balance the "naked vs. non-naked time".
neo_the_one

What do you think of Mike’s naked time vs. non-naked time philosophy?

Aint that the truth... definately a eye-opener...

Have you ever thought about how the ratio of sex vs. actual time you spend with someone affects a relationship?

NOt until i read this article.... its wild but true... reflecting on alot of naked time lol

Was naked time more important to you when you were younger? Does it take men longer to realize the importance of non-naked time?

yea it does.....

Did you ever date someone and when it was over, all you had in common was sex? Do you think relationships would last longer if people waited to know each other better before having sex?

possibly...

Do you think some people lose sight of getting to know someone once great sex enters the equation? What do you value more, naked time or non-naked time?

depends on the person...
Brooklyn Zoo

Great post! For so many reasons, one for sure is recognizing your personal growth.
DC Man With a Plan

I also think relationships WOULD last longer if ppl waited longer to have sex, bcuz then, many relationships would NEVER begin! That's why I find it SOOO funny to read the responses from the women in here. First, some of y'all tryn to sound like MEN with vagina's: like you're a woman who doesn't fantasize about the ideal wedding and the house with the picket fence and 2.5 kids. Sorry, it is what it is. Women STILL tend to be more emotionally invested and rather than see it as a weakness, that requires you to MAN - UP, embrace your difference as a GOOD thing, Bcuz dudes up in here KNOW this: There are a TON of women that are SOOO F*cking EASY to hit-off soon after you meet them, if not as soon AS you meet them that it takes discipline NOT to take advantage of all the puzzy runnin around......But NOT the women up in here...no sireee.. ALL of y'all are "different." COOL. But back in the REAL f*cking world we live in...lmao....dudes ARE becoming more concerned and considerate about being dog's...(or Ho's if you prefer) bcuz of out of wedlock babies; bcuz of being more in-tuned with religious thoughts, training and expectations; bcuz of a desire to be more humble, honest, sincere and less deceitful and dishonest. Because of financial concerns and long term health and yes, becuz of maturity. Many men ARE doggish as young men...lol......but most of us do grow up and mature. Do get to a point where we don't wanna abuse women: Don't wanna be womanizers (isn't that a nice term for a Ho?) But NOW women wanna be hard core, wanna act like sex is just a thang....Yo, GAME on. I'ma tell you, one woman may win this game, but 99 will lose. Stay in your lane, honey....don't play this game men invented and think you can win. I know y’all can wear pants now too….But I’m just sayin…….
Pingback: Cameron_Moore at 11/30/09 01:40:52 | Toyota Prius
Private Dancer

Good and a lot of sex just makes a relationship stronger. But it MUST be accompanied by non-naked times and... let me clear my throat...OUTSIDE the home. You know--- in public. Basically if your time together is always just the two of you- no matter how you choose to use it- naked or clothed- ALL signs point to it either not being a true relationship or it will be very short term.
Rastaman

@spinster

The observation I made are personal to me, I am not sure about any other men. As to whether it is emotional immaturity since i put it out there you got a right to comment. Point is it working great for me.

@DC Man With a Plan
One thing I have learned about most women is that whenever asked 99 percent of the times their answers will be rational and logical. The inverse is probably true of their behavior. In both scenarios they willl justify it by the fact that they are women and it is their perogative to say change their minds. LMAO!!

The one thing about Playas is that they have less compunction than exploiting women than most of us regular dudes. I can't tell you how many times I have walked away from a situation because it was too easy and proceeding would just be too scummy. But i would just be exploiting her beliefs in fairy tales. And trust they never ever stop believing!!
grownandsexy83

I completely agree with Mike's theory on naked vs. non-naked time. As you get older, you do learn to appreciate someone for more than just their skills in the bedroom (kitchen, floor, bathroom, etc...). You tend to want more and you will want someone to want more with.

Great post, I will definitely keep that theory in my head!
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com/ Spinster

Okay, just asking.
http://www.steamywindows.wordpress.com Jamila

I loved this article. I had to write a response to it. http://steamywindows.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/response-naked-vs-non-naked-time-how-important-is-sex/
YoungJay

What do you think of Mike’s naked time vs. non-naked time philosophy?

Mike has a good point. I think this assessment immediately speaks to your relationship compatibility.

Have you ever thought about how the ratio of sex vs. actual time you spend with someone affects a relationship?

I think an imbalance in either direction can strain a relationship.

Was naked time more important to you when you were younger?

Not really. In high school I was so busy with sports, and never having an O.C that all I had with my girlfriend was non-naked time.

Does it take men longer to realize the importance of non-naked time?

Depends on the guy, I'm (insert YoungJay age here) and I've already come to realize how important it is, maybe more than I wish I had.

Did you ever date someone and when it was over, all you had in common was sex?

Yeah and I regret it cause I missed out on something I think would have been more fulfilling.

Do you think relationships would last longer if people waited to know each other better before having sex?

Naw. Length of relationship depends on the maturity level of the two people involved, not the dates that they accomplish certain things.

Do you think some people lose sight of getting to know someone once great sex enters the equation?

Yeah. I've heard this a few times from women and men in the form of "I Stay with him cuz he hits it right" or "She gives the bomb head, but she's dumb as f*ck".

What do you value more, naked time or non-naked time?

I value the non-naked time more at this point. I have a girlfriend (just a friend) that I'm really close with. We have never had sex but I'm beginning to realize that all the things I go looking for in a woman elsewhere has been standing in front of me in a perfect package all this time. I could see spending my whole life with her without ever having sex. I definitely need your help with this one Ans...How should I approach her about these feelings without threatening our friendship?
Saint

I have to concur with Mike on this one. There always comes a time when the lust in a "relationship" fades and when that occurs if there is no connection other than physical its officially dead and stinking. I've had a few situations where I was just running and gunning and when I took the time to slow down and not try to have sex with the woman, found her to be rather uninteresting.
Lonias

I'm sorry, but DCMan was preachin' (even with the Plato comment...lol)

What do you think of Mike’s naked time vs. non-naked time philosophy?
I think it is dead on ESPECIALLY in the beginning stages of relationships. Like DCMan said, "I also think relationships WOULD last longer if ppl waited longer to have sex, bcuz then, many relationships would NEVER begin!"

Have you ever thought about how the ratio of sex vs. actual time you spend with someone affects a relationship?
Definitely, and both must be quality time. If maintenance falters on the non-naked side, the naked side will soon suffer and vice versa. If a relationship is to have any staying power, all time spent must be important to both parties.

Was naked time more important to you when you were younger?
Late bloomer

Does it take men longer to realize the importance of non-naked time?
I actually agree with whoever said that men can "compartmentalize" emotions better than women can. I don't feel like having this ability is desirable...I like being female and I like being different. "Compartmentalizing emotions" is not part of women's lib...lol

Did you ever date someone and when it was over, all you had in common was sex?
Do you think some people lose sight of getting to know someone once great sex enters the equation?
Never been there

Do you think relationships would last longer if people waited to know each other better before having sex?
I do, but then again I am traditionalist...*shrugs*

What do you value more, naked time or non-naked time?
Non-naked, hands down...
ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

Wow... I think this post just changed my outlook on relationships...think i'm falling out of that hit it and quit it phase...
http://nwso.net NWSO

@YoungJay

Hopefully she feels the same way. I say go off vibe and take it from there. Maybe you test the waters with a joke that implies something and see how she responds if you want to play it cautious. Otherwise, let time and nature take its course—for better or worse. But if you're in the dreaded friend zone you must fight hard to get out of that dreaded place. LOL
BMW2K

Wow. Great post and responses. Since I have been with the same person for double digit years, I can only say that everything requires balance. We just came back from a week long vaca celebrating a milestone anniversary, and the non-naked time was priceless.

We always try to find time to get in the sex even if it is just quickies, but just having time to be in each others company with no interruptions or drama from the kids? Does not happen to often. I don't think either of us realized how much of an impact it would have. So if I had to choose, non-naked would rule.
YoungJay

Good looking Ans...I think i'll test the waters with the joke first and if she doesnt respond positively, i'll accept my friend zone position and continue my online relationship with Elle : )
Elle

Ha!
Ms. Ladii

@DC MAN... I agree that a lot of women think they are players and aren't. I've known quite a few. The thing is, playing games is not something men invented (be it about sex or otherwise) games are games and women have the upper hand in some courts/arenas than men and vice versa.

When it comes to sex, I will say, women shouldn't play the "I don't care" game because if YOU get pregnant you will care and HE doesn't have to. That's the truth of the matter. I can honestly say that there have been dudes where it's like, cool this is what we do and when it's over we can spend a few minutes, pass some words, maybe go out for a moment and then i'll see you next go 'round. But that's me and I'm only built like that because I'm honest. Ladies, stop trying to play the game (and more men that would admit this goes to you too) just to say you did. If you don't KNOW yourself you will get hurt. All men are NOT made to be players, some of you need to stop trying to fit into whatever propaganda men have going on about their penis'. At the same time, I do know a lot of women who are sexually free and don't care-- not saying they're knockin every dude down but those they do they do, and that's what it is. The REASON these ladies can do it is because they KNOW themselves enough to know their weakness. Example, I have a weakness for a tall (6'2 or 6'3) sexy man with a strong back, nice hands and cute eyes. So I would NEVER play myself and jump into bed with one like, "Oh it's nothin." Rule 1 to being in "the game" is Don't lie to yourself! (very similar to the don't smoke ya own stash law)
YoungJay

@ Elle

You'll always have my heart don't worry ; )
msnyc

I think that if this is how 29 and 30 year old men think, I need to be dating a 25yr old who knows about the more important things in life!
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Msnyc

I'm confused, so you want a man that is more concerned with you sexually than mentally and getting to know you????

Not one to assume but it sounds like you skimmed the post and missed the point. The 29 and 30 year old men (me included) described on post were appreciating the value of NON-naked time over naked time, which it sounds like what your mode of thinking is as well.

I doubt most 25 year olds are there yet
3g

Wow I just had a moment of clarity lol. In my younger (hoe days I can admit it now) it was all about the naked time and the minute it was over I would find some way to disappear until next time. But noe in my wiser days late 20's i don't mind so much. It is about quality to me now . If we have one super nasty session and i feel like I just left the gym I am good . Im happy with just cuddling (no homo). I have been in the just sex relationships and that was all we had in common lol other than that her personality was in the dumps.
Cali

NWSO, I really enjoyed this post. Well done & very nicely put. As I read the post it gave me a different outlook on dealing with people. I will truly have to keep this in mind at all times. It does make complete since. And it is a good test to try on someone. I'm always looking for things to outway the good and the bad. Thanks for this piece of knowledge, maybe it will help me in my pickings.

** Again Great Post NWSO
guttaman

yeah more often than not I turn down sex with new women just because in the end it turns into more of a hassle. emotions may get involved...u have to get on the phone and talk all the time......somebody might f8ck around and get pregnant.
id rather masturbate alone and then go watch TV.
http://www.CANDIDbackshots.com
gdelicious

I'm in my first relationship ever and because all these questions were bothering me so much, I went out on Google to try to find some answers lol! I'm glad that I found this blog post, and the conversation it has generated has been very illuminating.

I'm a woman, and I had sex with the man that I am currently dating after our second date. I liked him a lot, trusted him, and really wanted to do it. So we did, and the sex was amazing, and now I'm afraid it's taken center place in our relationship (6 months so far). Naked time vs. non-naked time is seriously lopsided.

I suppose the wrinkle in my situation would be that our non-naked time is associated with our naked time. It's after we have sex that we have deep conversations, or go out for dinner or lunch or a movie. He also has happily married parents that are still incredibly sexual. There's a fair amount invested in this relationship - we've met each other's entire family and we're friends with each other's friends.

However, this issue has been bothering me incredibly. No matter how much I adore, admire, respect, and trust my boyfriend, there is no mistaking that sex too early in our relationship has shifted our interest in other areas that need further development to earth shattering sex. I know that he likes me, but I am going to stand on my point that if we can't make an effort for more balanced naked time vs. non-naked time in our relationship, especially if I feel as I do, then we shouldn't be together. I'm just going to get hurt in the long run if we continue on as now. Even if the sex is very meaningful to him, my doubts and anxieties about the amount that we're having, and about the focus of our relationship is going to slowly kill something vital.
jerri

To the last lady- if you have deep conversations and go out following sex that is the ideal.There is nothing to worry about unless the last two taper off. Enjoy what you have!