Monthly Archives: January 2010

Best You Ever Had (Loose Threads, Vol. 12-July ’09)

blog_logo1

Hey, Sock Heads, it’s recap time. Like I do every month, I pulled together some of my best posts from the archives for your reading pleasure. For this edition of Loose Threads, I turned the clock back to July ’09, which was another hot month full of good topics.

Before we get to the blogs, though, I want to send out a reminder that I’m always accepting reader relationship questions and submissions for guest blogs. If you’ve got questions or articles feel free to hit me up via email CLICK HERE.

You can also subscribe to the blog HERE, follow my random thoughts on Twitter HERE, or hit me on MySpace and BlackPlanet. There’s also the NWSO FaceBook fan page and a blog network page for faithful readers to stay connected. Feel free to hit me up on any or all of those pages, just be sure to introduce yourself as a reader/sock head by sending a quick note with your friend request to avoid going through my tedious screening process. ? Anyway, without further ado, enjoy Loose Threads, Vol. 12.

Sincerely yours,

NWSO

I Want You So Bad (It’s Best That I Leave Now) CLICK HERE

Do You Trust the Withdrawal Method? CLICK HERE

Are Tongue Rings Sexy or Freaky? (Suck It Or Not) CLICK HERE

Why Can’t Women Say What They Mean? CLICK HERE

Confessions of a Female Porn Addict (She Liked to Watch) CLICK HERE

WTF is a Breast Pillow? (When Infomercials Go Wrong) CLICK HERE

Strangers in the Night (Sex on a First Date) CLICK HERE

Rough Sex (Why Are Men So Violent Towards Women?) CLICK HERE

How Much Do You Spend on Dates? (Cheap Women) CLICK HERE

I Can’t Date Her, She Has My Mom’s Name (It’s Like Incest) CLICK HERE

Did Kelis Get Too Much Child Support From Nas? CLICK HERE

Recession Depression (Help, I Can’t Take It Anymore) CLICK HERE

Oh, and in case you missed it:

Vol. 1 /// Vol. 2 /// Vol. 3 /// Vol. 4 /// Vol. 5 /// Vol. 6 /// Vol. 7 /// Vol. 8 /// Vol. 9 ///
Vol. 10 /// Vol. 11

What Men Love About Women (Ass Men vs. Breast Men)

Chick with booty out

They say all men really care about is T&A. That may or may not be the case, but most men do have a preference when it comes to the tempting T and amazing A. I for one am an ass man and I have no qualms about pronouncing that.

Cue Sir Mix-A-Lot: “I like big butts and I can not lie…

That’s not to say I don’t appreciate a nice pair of perky breasts (because I oh so do) but I’m a self-professed booty hawker by nature. In fact, when it comes to my future-wife’s physical attributes a little junk in the trunk is an absolute given—that an head. Of course I’m looking for more from a prospective spouse than her “assets,” but I just can’t see myself spending my forever-ever with a woman that could be a body double for SpongeBob SquarePants.

I’m just saying.

Back in college I remember having a conversation with my man Trevor about my affinity for booty and he revealed that he was all about breasts. He actually had a pretty good argument as to why he was a diehard breast man. He said something to the effect of, “I have a butt and legs of my own, but I don’t have breasts.”

As hard as it is to argue with that logic, I’m still all about the booty. At the same time I’m not that vain where I’d totally dismiss a woman for lacking in her backing, because I’ve dealt with a woman or two that weren’t bootylicious—but even then they at least had a little somethin’-somethin’ to deal with.

With that in mind, I tend to be a bit of a chameleon when it comes to women. If you’re top heavy, I’ll cherish your chesticles. If you have amazing legs, I’ll bow down to your gams. If you’re a pretty chick, then I’ll just admire your beauty. Like one of my boys once told me, “As long as a woman has two out of three—ass, face or tits—I can deal with her.”

But am I alone in my booty appreciation? Probably not, but I decided to reach out to a few of my male friends for a T&A Q&A. I wanted to know how other men felt about females’ bodies and which curve got them riled up. As expected, my boys held nothing back and kept it all the way real.

MR. WEST
“I’m an ass man, but more specifically a lower body man. I definitely subscribe to Kanye’s ‘she got an ass that can swallow up a G-string/And on top, two bee stings’ line. I don’t know what it is about a woman with a nice ass and thighs but I’ve just always preferred it. I think it’s something about the curves.”

MR. FLIP-FLOPPER
“I’m a breast man. I was an ass man initially, but the last woman I was serious with converted me. I used to like the ass because I could check it out as the woman was walking away without looking like a perv. But I think the breasts are more versatile in terms of what you can do with them, and that’s worth the constant distraction of having to keep eye contact with a woman who’s got so much there.”

MR. PERSONALITY
“I’ll always be an ass man. It doesn’t have to be a fat or wide ass. Sometimes the ass can reflect the chick’s personality. Certain chicks who know they have a fat ass have more swag, and certain chicks don’t know they have a fat ass, so they don’t realize the power they have with that ass. You can also dress up or dress down the ass, there’s a lot you can do with it. With breasts, women TRY to be as tasteful as possible, but it takes a lot more. A low-cut shirt looks less tasteful than some tight jeans in my opinion.”

MR. DIRECT
“Ass man. Pause! I love curves. More for the imagination with a booty. The different shapes and sizes.”

MR. STAY-FLUFF
“I’m a man who appreciates and prefers a woman’s ‘fluffy’ over the size of her rack. When I was younger it was the opposite, mostly because I think since birth men are attracted to breasts, but once I hit my teens, the booty became more appealing. I feel the booty is a woman’s sexist body part. It’s enduring, seductive and gives her a certain confidence that a woman with breast and no ass doesn’t have. Although I love a nice size—it doesn’t have to be Buffy status—fluffy, when it comes to courting a woman, for me, it begins and ends with her face. She can have the best booty on the planet, but if she’s not attractive I have no interest. At the end of the day, I still need to look in my woman’s eyes and think she’s one of the Lord’s best creations. So, over the booty and breast, how a woman looks is the most important trait that I’m attracted to. She can be thin and not too shapely, but because I’m that much attracted and in love with her beauty I will pursue that woman at all cost.”

CLICK HERE to continue reading more from the guys…

Do You Hate Your Job? (Recession-Proof Dreams)

hate work

Damn, it’s hard to believe it’s been a year already, but 365 days ago today I was laid off. A lot has changed over the course of that time span, but one thing has remained constant—my 2009 motto to be “Fired & Inspired.”

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. See, I wasn’t sad when my then-boss delivered the news that I was no longer a cost effective employee, I was actually excited. I walked out of his office with the same smile I had when I entered.

Don’t get me wrong, I was not in any rush to trade my biweekly checks for the sizably smaller unemployment checks I’d grow to depend on, but I wasn’t happy at my job. More specifically, I wasn’t inspired by my 9-to-5. I had been doing the same thing for roughly 10 years and I had become complacent. Getting let go was the spark I needed to do all the things I wanted to. All of the things I needed to do just to keep the lights on.

Professionally, I started writing about things other than just music. Personally, I was able to develop deeper and more sensual content for this blog. Coincidentally, my dismissal from my job came just three weeks after I relaunched NakedWithSocksOn as an official dot com and a week after I celebrated that accomplishment, along with my belated birthday, with a big blog bash in the city. (If you didn’t make it you missed a good one—even Taco Meat was there.)

During the past year, NWSO has grown by leaps and bounds. Readership is up, subscribers have quadrupled, we’ve gotten press from major outlets, we’ve dabbled in original video content and launched a weekly erotica series that earned the site a 2009 Black Weblog Award. Not bad for something I do for free—for now at least.

While the blog hasn’t paid off financially just yet, the consistent support I receive from you guys and gals has been priceless. There were plenty of times I wanted to jump off the ledge and vented my frustrations here, but y’all pulled me back to reality every time.

For the most part, though, I held true to my fired & inspired mantra. Even when the mailman wasn’t cooperating by not delivering my checks when I wanted them, I stayed grounded. I just kept hustlin’ assignments, cranking out blogs, and kept faith in my abilities and the belief that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

All the hard work eventually paid off, as the blog continues to grow and I landed a new gig in October. Funny enough, it’s for the same company that had let me go just nine months earlier.

I affectionately refer to my time away as “maternity leave.” Although I came back to the same company, it was to a different position, one that allows me a tad more freedom and creative control. Of course nothing beats working for yourself and I miss sleeping in, but overall, I enjoy my new gig.

It’s funny saying that now because a year ago I was at a point where I could barely get myself out of bed to go in to the office each morning. But my time away allowed me the space to mentally recharge and look at things from a fresh perspective.

People tend to say you’re lucky to have a check these days, but I don’t subscribe to that train of thought. I know plenty of people that hated/hate what they did for a living and felt totally liberated when they were let go or pray for the day they get clipped so they can collect unemployment. Yeah, we all need money to make ends meet but we also require peace of mind—especially in these hard economic times.

Instead of feeling lucky to have a job, your boss should feel lucky to have you. That’s the mentality a lot of people are lacking. See, a lot of us have jobs, but very few have actual careers. I’ve been blessed to have the latter for the majority of my adult life. That’s why even when I didn’t have a 9-to-5 I was still able to survive because I have a talent/skill and I’m confident in my abilities.

It just sucks that I know way more people without jobs than those with one, but that’s the reality we live in. I’m not going to front like it’s easy to land a full-time gig nowadays because I know from personal experience that it’s pretty bleak out there, but I also know there’s money out there for those that are strong-willed and hungry enough to go get it.

I can’t speak for everyone else, but I know what I’m worth and I refuse to sell myself short. At the same time, I’m not too proud to do what it takes to survive. If I’ve learned anything over the last year it’s that you should never be too afraid to follow your dreams because hard work pays off—maybe not when you want it to but it does eventually and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

So it doesn’t matter whether you’re employed or unemployed, content or disillusioned, broke or rich, you have to find your inspiration and let that be your guiding light. Let it shine and eventually you will too.

Have you or anyone else you know lost their job in the past year? If so, are you/they still unemployed? How much of a struggle has it been to find steady work? Have you been willing to do something “beneath” you just to make ends meet? If you landed a new job, how long did it take? With the economy all jacked up do you feel like you’ll never get back on your feet? Do you currently have a job that you absolutely hate? Are you too scared to quit without a safety net set up? What would you like to be doing instead of your current job? Have you considered going back to school at all? Are things getting better or are they just as messed up financially as they were last year?
Job or not, how are you holding up in the recession now?

Speak your piece…

love what you do

Are You a Horny Devil? (Fighting Temptation)

Devil & Angel in fire

Damien leaned against the wall by the window, still tightly embracing her. “Again, Angel,” he said. “Higher. I want… to fly higher.”

Several glasses of liquor were coursing through her veins and Angel’s forbidden desires were getting the better of her. Finally, she came to her senses: “Release me,” she blurted, pushing him away. “I have to back down to the party.”

As soon as Damien relaxed his hold on her, Angel turned to leave, but he couldn’t let her go that easily. He reached out and grabbed part of her wing from behind.

“So soft,” Damien whispered, bending his head down to brush his cheek against the soft feathers.

A shivering tingle coursed through Angel’s entire body, leaving her hot and flustered. Her legs went weak as his damp breath, smelling of whisky, blew softly on her neck. With a low groan, he rubbed his body against her.

“Do not…”

Before Angel could finish her sentence, she felt his arousal thrust against her bottom. The sensation was unbelievable, scorching and rock hard.

“Mmm,” she moaned, squirming as her knees weakened.

“Very… soft,” he repeated, before licking that sensitive place where Angel’s wings met the base of her neck.

Angel put her hands against the wall to prop up her weakening body, but her Herculean-like strength was gone.

She felt his hands reach around her white dress to stroke her ample breasts. Her head dropped back, allowing him to trace a string of kisses along her neck to her right earlobe.

Damien’s hands worked magic, shaping her twin peaks through the thin, damp fabric of her garment. Instinctually, she reached to caress his body, angling her buttocks to press hungrily against his bulge.

While she was busy shaping her body to his, Damien’s hands moved down to gather handfuls of her dress. He drew the material higher and higher until he could cup the curve of her sex in his manly hands.

At his touch, Angel’s legs gave way, and she slid, inch by inch, to her knees on the floor, while her hands remained pressed firmly against the wall.

Damien followed her down, burying his face in her wings and parting her legs with his own. He molded his large hands to the lush curve of her bottom, and murmured once again, “Soft.”

This time, when he rubbed his arousal against her, Angel felt her heart stop beating for a second. She felt him grasp her thighs and part them more widely. Reaching around her, he sent his clever fingertips delving within her cleft as he pushed his body hypnotically against hers, imitating the act of union.

She gasped in ecstasy.

Damien continued the movements, treasuring this new closeness to her. The sound of their moans was loud and grew steadily louder, punctuated by stifled gasps, until she shrieked, reaching her peak.

Angel shivered in the aftermath of her climax, and he turned her, drawing her down. Parting her thighs, he guiding her to straddle him. Reaching up, he caressed her breasts through her dress, which was dampened by their body heat. His gentle touches awakened desire in her once again.

“Ride, Angel,” he urged. “Ride…”

She braced her palms on his broad chest and began to slide her hips.

Up, then down.

Responding to his passionate calls, she rubbed her apex against the fabric that struggled to contain his bulge, riding him as she might struggle to tame a wild stallion.

Forward and back, and back again she travelled. Her breath coming faster and faster as she raked her nails over the sleek shirt that covered his chest.

Damien’s eyes gazed up at her gorgeous breasts as they gyrated above him. Inspired, he arched his body up to meet her. Lunge for lunge, they were in perfect unison until his bulge erupted, staining his trousers with the flood of his ardor.

Damien groaned in ecstasy, finally fully sated.

He had never been ridden by a woman with such vigor before, and this one had driven him onward without mercy, totally exhausting him.

As he fought to catch his breath, the volumes of alcohol Damien had consumed began to take their toll on him. His head grew irresistibly heavy, and he sank into a deep, whisky-induced slumber that bordered on unconsciousness.

Hungry for more, Angel nudged Damien back to reality. “I’m not done with you yet,” she said, looking down at him. “I’m one horny devil.”

Fin!

Have you ever been with someone that could make you climax without penetration? Have you ever hooked up with someone at a party? Was the experience memorable or you wish it was forgettable? Would you ever have sex in someone else’s house or when other people are around? Have you ever passed out after a hot and heavy session? Would you be upset if your lover fell asleep before you got your climax? What did you think of this unique Wet Wednesdays entry?

Speak your piece…

This week’s Wet Wednesdays entry is an excerpt adapted from Australian-based author Enid Wilson’s latest Regency romance, Really Angelic, a steamy paranormal retelling of Pride and Prejudice. To read more about Enid’s books/writing, be sure to check out SteamyDarcy.

Devil Stripping angel

***SPECIAL GIVEAWAY***
As an added bonus, Enid has kindly offered a beautiful bracelet she bought on a recent trip to Corsica in France to one special reader. The first person to email the correct answer to Enid at enid.wilson28@yahoo.com.au, along with their name and mailing address, to the following trivia question will win the prize. What was the original name of NWSO’s Wet Wednesdays series?

bracelet

Would You Break Up a Marriage? (My Married Ex Wants Me)

Alicia Swizz Mashonda

Dear NWSO,

I could use your advice/opinion on a guy that has been pursuing me quite aggressively.

The background on us is that we dated for a year back in college. I was his first and he was my second sexual partner. I still had issues with my ex, so that coupled with me getting pregnant (ended the pregnancy) and cheating on him basically ended the relationship. But it didn’t end on a bad note. We actually reconciled after all that but the stress of all the stuff just drove me to leave.

Fast forward quite a few years later and he finds me (damn, Internet!) and starts communication. I was happy to hear from him, because I never really got over him. But he drops “I’m married” bomb on me. Of course I’m disappointed but I figure at least I get my friend back. But instead of going the friend route; he’s going hard trying to get at me. Telling me how much he loves me. Wants to be with me. How we are connected and he never stopped loving me.

When I ask about his wife he tells me that he has loved me longer and I’m the only thing that would ever make him consider changing his situation. Now I’m no fool and I know married men will say/do whatever to get the panties, so I propositioned him but he said no. He told me he wouldn’t want to be with me until it’s right (i.e. he’s separated/divorced).

I’m honestly confused. My heart is completely invested, but my head is telling me to run, which I’ve tried several times. I’ve cut off communication but somehow I keep falling back into talking with him. It’s been six months and I have to figure out what to do.

There are lots I left out cause I don’t wanna write a book, but hopefully you get the gist of the situation. Any thoughts? Your help is appreciated.

Dear Stuck on the Past,

Right off the bat, I’ll say this: How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Before you making a decision based solely on your own perspective, you should always try to look at things from the perspective of someone else in the situation (i.e. his wife). How would you feel if your husband was pursuing another woman and you were clueless? What about his kids, if they have any? You have to look at how your potentially selfish actions affect everyone involved. Do you really want to be the “cause” of breaking up a marriage?

Whether or not this man is the aggressor and pursuing you doesn’t matter, that’s his marriage and his actions, if he wants to throw it all away for a fling that’s on him. You’re only responsible for you. If he wants to cheat on his wife he will, but you don’t have to be the person he does that with. Be a bigger woman and respect that promise he made before God (or whoever) even if he doesn’t. Because you really have to ask yourself if that’s the person you want to be? Someone akin to one of Tiger’s many mistresses?

I’d hope not.

Clearly this man isn’t into his marriage because he went out of his way to look you up online and then boldly pushes up on you despite having a wife. That’s something he needs to figure out and handle before he steps to you or any other woman. If he’s not into his marriage he should just end it. Point blank. There’s no point in setting up sidepieces or cheating. That’s just wasting your future ex-spouse’s time.

You want my advice? I say stay away from ol’ boy until his marriage is dissolved completely and then if the stars align you can see if there really is something there. I’m not sure how much time has passed between when y’all were together and him being able to meet, fall in love, marry and fall out of love with his wife, but it seems like a good amount of years. Whatever the case is I believe the longer a breakup the harder it is to get back together because over time people change. The person you fell in love with X amount of years ago isn’t the same person you’re communicating with today and vice versa. You’ve both experience things that have changed you (even slightly) so the relationship is bound to be different in 2010 than it was before. The problem is, y’all are in love with the past and have no idea what the present is.

My last bit of advice/philosophy is that if you got with him cheating on his WIFE what do you think he’s going to do to you if y’all do get together? If he couldn’t even make a lifelong commitment how do you expect something between y’all to last? There’s no guarantee he’ll do you dirty but that’s definitely something to think about. I say leave that married man alone—even as a friend—until he clears his stuff up. Even then, it’s still a crapshoot if there’ll really be love or even a friendship.

Good luck.

Do you think ol’ boy will ever leave his wife? Or is he just talking game to get the draws? Is it wrong for a married person to look up an ex without their spouse’s knowledge? Is it possible to be just friends with an ex when you’re married? What would you do if you found out your spouse was professing their love for someone else? Would you try to work it out or let them go? Could you ever really trust someone that left his or her marriage to be with you? Do you feel that the other woman/man should take the spouse’s feelings into consideration before dealing with a married person? Or is it all fair game when the married person is the aggressor? What do you think this sister should do?

Speak your piece…

homewrecker

What’s Wrong With Gay Marriage? (A Civil Rights Issue)

Just gay marriage

I took a day off last week and while lying on my couch, flicking through channels, I came across an old episode of Tyra where the day’s topic was “Is Gay the New Black?” Beyond the subject of homosexuality, the episode was about the hoopla over same sex marriages being outlawed in California last year.

The main speaker was this singer/gay activist named Sam Harris, who’s an openly gay man that’s been married to his partner for the past 14 years and is currently raising a baby boy. Apparently he went on a YouTube rant saying how he felt betrayed by the Black community for letting Cali’s controversial Proposition 8, which made same sex marriages illegal, get passed into law.

Harris views this as a civil rights (and human) issue and expected more support from the African-American community, which has historically faced the most oppression in America. I could definitely see where Harris was coming from. By definition civil rights are about a group of people that are discriminated against for being different—that goes for race, creed, or sexuality.

Clearly, not everyone agrees. In fact, one the other panelists on Tyra, Sandy Rios, made reference to her intolerance of the gay lifestyle when speaking on Harris’ comparisons to the African-American community’s civil rights struggles. With a straight face she said, “You can stop being gay, but you can’t stop being Black.”

I beg to differ. Although I do feel there are some folks that definitely “experiment” with bi-sexuality because they think it’s “cool,” I wholeheartedly believe that people are born gay/lesbian. I can think back to boys that were a little bit “sweet” or girls that were a little bit rough in elementary or high school, and running into them as adults to find they had come out the closet.

I wasn’t surprised at all; they were just being who they always were in the first place. Just kids can be cruel and unforgiving, so embracing your sexuality at that stage in life can be quite scary. Much like one of the audience members on Tyra said, “If I had a choice to be straight I would have because it would have saved me years of teasing and stress.”

As for the issue of same sex marriages, I see it the same way I view prostitution in that I don’t understand why it’s illegal.

I know one of the main arguments is that marriage is for procreation and people of the same sex can’t reproduce. Well, I’d like to point out that marriage is actually a manmade construct and its purpose is based more on societal standards than bearing offspring. Matter fact, based on the amount of kids born out of wedlock marriage has nothing to do with rearing children.

Whether you agree with homosexuality or not, the real problem is usually linked to religion. Same sex unions are frowned upon by various faiths and people are free to believe what they believe, but my question is: What does that have to do with the law? I’ve always heard about there being this separation between church and state, but history has shown that not to be the case.

So much of U.S. law is rooted in the church and religion. Our money says, “in God we trust.” Our presidential candidates and politicians often have to be entrenched in some sort of Christianity-based faith to be accepted and ultimately progress. I feel like people were more upset at rumors of Barack Obama being Muslim than him being African-American. And the Bible (or whatever other holy text) is often used as justification for people’s stance on a controversial issue like gay marriage.

Attorney/gay rights advocate Cathy Middleton-Lewis, said it best during Tyra’s show when you said, “I think one of the biggest problems that opponents of gay marriage have is they always look to the Bible in terms of justifying their beliefs. The bottom line is the Bible says a lot of things about how people should and should not live their lives. The question is whether or not that book is relevant to the way we live in the 21st Century?”

I do believe the Bible is a good guidebook, but Middleton-Lewis has a point in its complete relevancy to how people today live their lives. Based on current laws, only blood relatives or spouses are allowed to visit certain hospital patients and make decisions on their treatment if necessary.

Basically if someone is in a long-term homosexual relationship that was not allowed to be married, his or her partner is not even allowed to see him or her because their union isn’t recognized. There are various issues that arrive between committed gay couples with insurance coverage and even a last will and testament. All because the law flip flops on recognizing their love.

At the end of the day, I see this as more of an issue of love. What right does the government have in deciding whom you love and want to spend the rest of your life with? Sure, you can love and live with whomever you want without getting married, but don’t we all grow up dreaming of living happily ever after as a married couple? Of course that dream usually involves a man and a woman, but at the root of it all is love and sometimes we can’t choose whom we love.

I understand the church’s objection and realize that most marriages are a religious practice, but the government is also involved in that ceremony with licenses, pre-nupts, insurance, taxes, etc, which seems to be superseding the focus on love—heterosexual or other.

The thing that puzzles me the most about all this is the fact that any gay pair that had their nuptials before Prop 8 was passed still has the rights of any other married couple. If those unions are still legally allowed to reap the benefits of being married, why can’t any other gay couple?

Because the Bible says so or because you just don’t like it? Whichever the case it’s no one’s business but their own. I do view it as a civil rights issue because if the argument was about it making it illegal African-Americans (or any other race) dating outside the race people across the board would be up in arms.

An injustice for one is an injustice for all.

What’s your position on same sex marriage? Do you think that gay couples should be allowed the right to be legally married? Why or why not? Is your argument based on religion and faith? Could you give a valid reason against gay marriage without using the Bible as evidence? Do you agree that banning gay marriages goes against the Constitution and is a civil rights issue? Do you believe that people are born gay? DO you think that there are some folks that dabble in bi-sexuality because it’s en vogue? What are your thoughts on gay couples raising children? Do you think that a child can have a healthy upbringing being raised in a alternative lifestyle? Is gay the new Black?

Speak your piece…

Gay Times Pride & Groom

TYRA SHOW

Do I Tell My Dad to Stop Calling? (Broken Family Values)

Angry Phone_Man

Sigh!

My phone has been ringing for the past two weeks. Every time I look at the caller ID, no name pops up and I’m forced to decide between answering or letting it go to voicemail. I know who it is but I’m not in the mood to talk—at least not now.

I’m sorry.

Sam.

I’m unavailable at the moment.

Voicemail.

Sam is my father. He called me for my birthday last month but I was out of the country for a week. Since he didn’t know, he kept calling… and calling… and calling…

We spoke when I got back, but I haven’t had any desire to talk to him since. Especially since he read THIS.

I wrote that piece for Essence.com last June for father’s day. In case you missed the memo, Sam and I don’t have the best of relationships and I have no qualms about writing that. In fact, I’ve done so before when I detailed my six childhood memories of him HERE and the time I finally confronted him for not being a part of my life HERE.

In the wake of the latter conversation, I’ve wanted to try to forge some sort of connection with my father, and more importantly his side of the family, but the fact of the matter is that shit is hard. I still harbor a lot of unresolved feelings towards my father and I can only deal with him in spurts.

I’ve made it through the past 33 years without him being there, so trying to fit him in now is a bit hard. I’m a creature of habit and I’ve gotten used to the routine of blocking him out. Letting him in will take some getting used to and definitely more time.

It’s not like my father lives across town, he’s on the other side of the country and phone conversations are typically quite awkward between us. If we’re really going to bridge the gap and deal with our issues I feel like it should be man-to-man. More importantly it should be face-to-face.

As the child (technically) in this scenario, I feel like Sam should be the one to come to me and not the other way around. He left and never came back. I’ve been here the whole time and done my part, so as the parent I feel as if he should be the one to make the commute to see his first born.

When will that happen? God only knows.

I can’t put all the blame on my father, though, he tries. Problem is he often calls at the wrong time. Like I said earlier, I’ve learned to live my life without him so making time for him isn’t a regular part of my day-to-day.

Besides, most times Sam calls he catches me in the middle of something. I’m either out; in the middle of work; hanging out with friends; or sleeping. The last thing I want to do while doing any of the above is get wrapped up in some deep conversation about my daddy issues with the actual person responsible for causing them in the first place.

Maybe it’s selfish, but I’d much rather deal with that on my own terms and when I’m good and ready, not when Sam decides he’s ready to talk. Sorry, I have a life that I’ve been living and I’m not just going to drop everything to jump through hoops for your benefit.

The funny thing is I can write that so easily but every time Sam and I get on the phone the little kid in me comes out and I can’t wait to get off the line. I’ve grown used to resenting him. I’m scared to accept him. Truthfully, I never will.

Not until I’m good and ready.

Maybe that’s just me being stubborn, but I don’t want to deal with this when Sam is ready. Who told him to go scouring the ’Net or however he managed to come across my article about him? What makes him think that I’m obliged to answer the phone every time he calls?

One of the reasons I rarely call him is because he never answers. The few times I’ve made the effort to reach out on all his numbers, I’m always left hanging out to dry and greeted with the voicemail.

Now it’s his turn.

Some might call that petty, but, hey, he started it.

It’s not like I plan on dodging him forever, I just need to get my head together first. Life and work have been hectic in the first few weeks of 2010, so squeezing in time for a heart-to-heart call with the old man hasn’t been easy.

Hopefully, Sam will understand that when I finally reach out or he books a ticket for that face-to-face sit down.

Whichever comes first…?

Do you have a good relationship with your father/mother? If not, what’s the root of your problems? Have they ever tried to mend the relationship? If so, were you open to having that discussion? Why or why not? For the single parents out there, do you ever think about how your child’s relationship, or lack thereof, with the other parent will affect them in the future? What steps are you taking to make sure there’s some sort of relationship there? Do you think that I’m wrong for dodging my father’s calls? Is it the responsibility of the delinquent parent or the child to make the first move to mend the relationship? Is an apology ever enough or does it take more to get over daddy issues?

Speak your piece…

brother texting

Would You Stifle a Child’s Creativity? (The Dream Shatterer)

scolding

The reaction to yesterday’s post was interesting to say the least. At first, everyone seemed to be enjoying their weekly dose of Wet Wednesdays erotica. Then people discovered that the author was a 15-year-old scribe named Henry. Apparently this shocking revelation caused many women’s panties to go from moist to in a bunch.

To a certain extent I can understand that kneejerk reaction, but I was still surprised by the overwhelming negative reaction. The story was clearly about a teenage love affair (thus the title), but the fact the author was in fact a teenager “ruined” the moment for some. Would it have really been better if an adult reminisced on a sexual encounter from his or her youth? It’s a possibility but I’d argue that a good story is still a good story regardless of who authored it.

Still, there were detractor’s that waved their fingers at Henry’s “story” and went so far as to compare it “child porn.” One commenter even said, “I’m having trouble with [him being] 15, too. [Kids] may think all kinds of stuff but I don’t know that we should be printing it.”

That comment took me aback. Were there some folks who felt I did something wrong by posting Henry’s body of work? Was I being billed an enabler of child porn? I doubt that was the commenter’s sentiment but who’s to say there aren’t others that felt that way. I did get several unsubscribe messages throughout the day after Henry’s post went up, but if folks want to stop reading/following my blog because of one post by an underage writer then they probably would have left eventually anyway.

**Kanye shrug**

I summed up thoughts on the whole thing in my comment:

“What if I was Henry at 15 and people told me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t write erotica (or anything) and I actually listened? Then there never would have been an NWSO or a Wet Wednesdays. Just something to think about…”

I shared Henry’s story because: 1) It was good. Sure, it needed a little bit of editing and formatting, but the basic story line and details was all there. 2) I was blown away by the fact he was just 15. I wish I had a grasp of the written language at that age.

Perhaps I could have kept his age concealed, but I think that fact was part of the story. Here is a young person with a gift of expression that he wished to share. Personally, I felt honored that he chose to do that. At his age, I expected a lowbrow romp in the hay between two hot and bothered kids, but Henry delivered a well thought out story with believable details and scenery.

As a writer that’s what I try to deliver with my pieces and it’s what I look for in my guest bloggers. So what this one happened to be from a 15-year-old?

Good writing is good writing.

Maybe I’m in the minority, but I’m all for supporting the youth. I’d much rather see someone like Henry express himself through writing then to get caught up all the tomfoolery so many other kids are involved in. Every day I hear about some kid killing/raping/robbing someone and it disgusts me, so if I come across one with a talent, much like my own, I’m going to applaud that rather than shun it because it may be viewed as too “explicit.”

Think about it; How many of your dreams have other people squashed and stifled when you were young? What goals and aspirations did you have that no one supported? I had lunch with my little sister last week and we had a discussion about her desire to be a singer when she was younger, but mom told her she couldn’t.

My sister has other aspirations now, but who’s to say she couldn’t have made a mark in that arena? Maybe, maybe not, but we’ll probably never know because that dream got deferred.

I see talent in Henry and his writing, and being that I’m in a position to help foster that talent—no matter how “inappropriate” to some—and that’s what I’ll continue to do. That goes for Henry or anyone else I feel has a voice that needs to be heard (even Da ThRONe) and can spark a good conversation. At the end of the day, Henry was the catalyst for not one but two good discussions.

Kudos to you, Henry. The doors always open for you to submit more work. I may just have to keep you anonymous on the second go ’round. That invitation goes out to anyone else reading this. If you got a voice, I’m ready to listen.

Sincerely yours,

NWSO

Do you think that way too many people try to stifle young people’s hopes and dreams? Was there something you always wanted to do in your younger years that people always told you you’d never accomplish? How did that make you feel? Did you ever get back to your dream or was it deferred forever? If Henry was your child or young relative, would you support his creative writing or not recognize his talents and try to steer him in a different direction? Why? How important do you think it is for young people to be able to express themselves? Would you be open to Henry writing again if you just didn’t know his age? Or should I just set him up for NWSO Jr.’s blog? LOL.

Speak your piece…

mother-scolding-child