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Would You Break Up a Marriage? (My Married Ex Wants Me)

Posted by NWSO • January 26, 2010 • Printer-friendly

Dear NWSO,

I could use your advice/opinion on a guy that has been pursuing me quite aggressively.

The background on us is that we dated for a year back in college. I was his first and he was my second sexual partner. I still had issues with my ex, so that coupled with me getting pregnant (ended the pregnancy) and cheating on him basically ended the relationship. But it didn't end on a bad note. We actually reconciled after all that but the stress of all the stuff just drove me to leave.

Fast forward quite a few years later and he finds me (damn, Internet!) and starts communication. I was happy to hear from him, because I never really got over him. But he drops “I’m married” bomb on me. Of course I'm disappointed but I figure at least I get my friend back. But instead of going the friend route; he’s going hard trying to get at me. Telling me how much he loves me. Wants to be with me. How we are connected and he never stopped loving me.

When I ask about his wife he tells me that he has loved me longer and I'm the only thing that would ever make him consider changing his situation. Now I'm no fool and I know married men will say/do whatever to get the panties, so I propositioned him but he said no. He told me he wouldn't want to be with me until it’s right (i.e. he’s separated/divorced).

I'm honestly confused. My heart is completely invested, but my head is telling me to run, which I've tried several times. I’ve cut off communication but somehow I keep falling back into talking with him. It’s been six months and I have to figure out what to do.

There are lots I left out cause I don’t wanna write a book, but hopefully you get the gist of the situation. Any thoughts? Your help is appreciated.

Dear Stuck on the Past,

Right off the bat, I'll say this: How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Before you making a decision based solely on your own perspective, you should always try to look at things from the perspective of someone else in the situation (i.e. his wife). How would you feel if your husband was pursuing another woman and you were clueless? What about his kids, if they have any? You have to look at how your potentially selfish actions affect everyone involved. Do you really want to be the "cause" of breaking up a marriage?

Whether or not this man is the aggressor and pursuing you doesn't matter, that's his marriage and his actions, if he wants to throw it all away for a fling that's on him. You're only responsible for you. If he wants to cheat on his wife he will, but you don’t have to be the person he does that with. Be a bigger woman and respect that promise he made before God (or whoever) even if he doesn’t. Because you really have to ask yourself if that's the person you want to be? Someone akin to one of Tiger's many mistresses?

I'd hope not.

Clearly this man isn't into his marriage because he went out of his way to look you up online and then boldly pushes up on you despite having a wife. That's something he needs to figure out and handle before he steps to you or any other woman. If he’s not into his marriage he should just end it. Point blank. There's no point in setting up sidepieces or cheating. That's just wasting your future ex-spouse's time.

You want my advice? I say stay away from ol' boy until his marriage is dissolved completely and then if the stars align you can see if there really is something there. I'm not sure how much time has passed between when y'all were together and him being able to meet, fall in love, marry and fall out of love with his wife, but it seems like a good amount of years. Whatever the case is I believe the longer a breakup the harder it is to get back together because over time people change. The person you fell in love with X amount of years ago isn't the same person you’re communicating with today and vice versa. You've both experience things that have changed you (even slightly) so the relationship is bound to be different in 2010 than it was before. The problem is, y'all are in love with the past and have no idea what the present is.

My last bit of advice/philosophy is that if you got with him cheating on his WIFE what do you think he's going to do to you if y'all do get together? If he couldn't even make a lifelong commitment how do you expect something between y'all to last? There's no guarantee he'll do you dirty but that’s definitely something to think about. I say leave that married man alone—even as a friend—until he clears his stuff up. Even then, it's still a crapshoot if there'll really be love or even a friendship.

Good luck.

Do you think ol’ boy will ever leave his wife? Or is he just talking game to get the draws? Is it wrong for a married person to look up an ex without their spouse’s knowledge? Is it possible to be just friends with an ex when you’re married? What would you do if you found out your spouse was professing their love for someone else? Would you try to work it out or let them go? Could you ever really trust someone that left his or her marriage to be with you? Do you feel that the other woman/man should take the spouse’s feelings into consideration before dealing with a married person? Or is it all fair game when the married person is the aggressor? What do you think this sister should do?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: abortion, cheating, college sweetheart, dating advice, ex, husband, married, pregnancy, spouse

mizze

I do not believe this guy is really over her.. I mean, if years and years have passed, I believe that there is some connection that he longs for or some unresolved issues he has or wants to solve with this woman. Most people still have feelings (not just romantic ones but of caring and compassion) for someone they have been in a good relationship with but it doesnt sound like this relationship was TOO hot so i am confused at why this person is attached to this woman who cheated on him???!

There are a lot of MESSED up things I have done to the next female but I could NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER date or sleep with a married man. I witnessed my mother cry and feel like committing suicide when she found out my dad had been having an affair and I could NEVER send another woman through this. I think that some people are so wrapped up and only concerned about what THEY want that they do not even consider the other people being hurt in a relationship (i.e the wife). Some women may justify their actions by thinking its ok if the man hit on them, believing he would only do this if he were unhappy with his marriage.. SO WHAT!!!! If he is THAT damn unhappy GET A DIVORCE..
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com/ Spinster

"Run Forrest, run!!!!!"
Ronnie6

Oh wow. Never thgt I'd make the blog. I sent you an update today. Decided no matter the feelings involved I don't want someone else's husband. So I politely recommended that he put all his extra attention into his wife. And me, I"m gonna keep looking for my one. Thanks again
pre-med

Im a firm believer that if a man wants to leave his wife.. HE WILL.. regardless of the numerous reasons he gives as to why he can't right now. When you get married, you make a commitment to your spouse that you will stay faithful to them no matter what. He has already broken that vow. An emotional relationship with someone is the same as a physical one.. it's still cheating.

Believe someone when they show you their true self the first time. If he can go behind her back, the woman who he's married to, and profess his love for someone else.. what makes you so special???
Elle

One word: horrible

Do you think ol’ boy will ever leave his wife? Or is he just talking game to get the draws?
- Who knows. He may, he may not. Either way it would speak volumes about his lack of integrity and character. Marriage is a serious thing for me, something I would never toy with. So unless we're talking about serious issues such as domestic violence or child abuse I see no reason to get a divorce because if the two involved want it, everything can be worked through.

Is it wrong for a married person to look up an ex without their spouse’s knowledge?
- Hm, not sure. I would ask "what's the point?" and feel some kind of way about it. I'm not going to lie, I would have second thoughts if my husband sought out one of his exes. While I'm civil with my exes I see no reason to get in touch, stay in touch and form some sort of "friendship". My life is busy enough as is. I'm not going to make room for somebody who no longer wanted to be in my life at some point when I have somebody who actually is in my life who I much rather spend my time with.

Is it possible to be just friends with an ex when you’re married?
- Again I ask "What's the point?". I have enough friends and if I am married it's going to be hard enough to fit them all into my schedule between working, my "couple time" and other responsibilities. No need stealing time from my real friends to include somebody into my life who most likely showed me his ass in the past.

What would you do if you found out your spouse was professing their love for someone else? Would you try to work it out or let them go?
- I'd be crushed but if he showed me that he is willing to work things through and work on our marriage I definitely would. There must be some underlying issue we need to address. However, if he has made up his mind to leave I can't and won't hold him back.

Could you ever really trust someone that left his or her marriage to be with you?
- Nope. Never.

Do you feel that the other woman/man should take the spouse’s feelings into consideration before dealing with a married person? Or is it all fair game when the married person is the aggressor? What do you think this sister should do?
- Married people should be off boundaries and not be given one thought at all - because of their spouse/family and because of one's own integrity. If they do not respect their vows, I will.
I think she did the right thing by cutting him off.
Songboy3

@Ronnie6 - Good for you!!
http://whetheryoulikeitornot.wordpress.com booboonotthefool

I feel like I am more stuck on the title of the post and the picture you chose for the post than anything. I guess I don't look at it as the other woman (or man in some instances) as the person who ultimately breaks up the marriage. Like pre-med said, the person who got married breaks up the marriage. (S)/he took the vows. The other person didn't. I will say I don't think the other (wo)/man is necessarily RESPECTING the vows of marriage in general, but that person didn't take the vows (and being faithful isn't generally written into any marriage vows, its implied..)

To address your questions: IDK if he will leave his wife. He MIGHT feel like he is missing something in his marriage. but that doesn't mean he will leave what he has to get what he wants. If he does in fact just want the draws, well...I'm not condoning cheating at all, but he doesn't have to divorce to get those. I don't speak as a married woman, but I will say looking up the ex is suspect. What do you have to talk about after all this time? I understand that sometimes you need closure...maybe that's even what he is looking for in this case. Still, he shouldn't have made that commitment to another woman if he wasn't over his first. At the end of the day, no matter what any of the involved decide(d) to do (and Ronnie, I think you made a good choice!) Karma is real.
BMW2K

@Stuck (Ronnie6) I realize you have made your decision, and I applaud you.

No one should be the catalyst for a break-up. The connected individual involved should be mature enough to end the relationship on their own, but for some reason lack the initiative without a back-up. *SMH*
Ego

Good advice NWSO... You took the words right out of my mouth....
Winter137

NWSO - I agree with EGO you're advice is on point.

I hate cheaters and cheating because it reflects all a persons bad characteristics in one fell swoop; Dishonest, Disloyal, Manipulating, Emotional Dependent, Selfish, , Insecure, Not Discipline, Cowardice, Etc.

A real man or woman in a bad relationship or emotionally trying time would be decisive and stay and work things out or move on. All the potential cheater has to do is make a decision and be honest. I'm sorry for being so judgmental but cheating is wrong on so many levels – Bad Karma.
Urggh

Good advice NWSO and Ronnie (high five girl, you have just dodged a massive bullet). His communication with you just exposed who he really is. A good person who feels they made a mistake with their marriage will try and fix the situation by divorce etc (I don't condone it unless there are cases of abuse etc...thats why folks should think real hard before tying the knot, it is not a joke). If he was such a great guy, he wouldn't be so selfish to put someone he "loves" in such a difficult situation. He's trying to bring baggage into your own life and he will eventually do the same to you. Married people are a trip these days. No shame in your foul game, you just try to wreck someone elses life based on your selfish temporary needs. C'mon now.

All in all, I commend you. Cut off communication with the sucker and live your own life. He needs to find help but not from you. Peace
Mateo

First, To the young lady keep it moving. Why I say it's been awhile since you two have been together, fact it's long enough for him to move on and even get Married. To me the thing in life is time has a funny way of changing people. Yeah it's cool to catch up with old exes of even just friends, BUT, there's usually a reason why you are no longer together or friends with those from your PAST. So that person will not be the person whom you may have Loved during that time, and while seeing them may give you a rush that many feel is some sort of rekindling, it's not. Just old memories messing with your head. If you two really ended on cool terms then you would have kept in touch. That's just my feelings, as I do have exes which I'm still cool with, that I still keep up with, and others which I claim to have loved at some point in time, which I have no idea were they are.

Second, for a dude to look you up means that homie going through some stuff and he thinks that the one that got away is the one to solve his problems. Had he been divorced and looked you up I'd say stick around and see what it is, though with caution. If he really didn't want to be with you til it's RIGHT, then he wouldn't have shouted you out at this point and time.

Don't get caught up in past emotions. Everyone remembers the good ol' days, but at the end of the day today is what matters. Can't live with good ol' days
da ThRONe

*No Brainer here*

If he doesnt have the loyality to honor his commitment to his current wife what makes you think he will honor it with you? We all know the grass always looks greener on the other side. Which is probably the greatest killer of relationship.
http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

i have never entertained the idea of being with a married woman. i don't need that type of karma in my life. i don't understand how someone can get married and so easily disregard the sanctity of the union. i guess maybe i'll see after i get married but if you are going to do all that then why get married in the first place? why didn't dude just find her off jump and try to get at her? why wait till after he got married?
Kwana AKA OrangeStar

if dude is still married and seperated is STILL married..then thats NO GO for me..now if he is divorced thats something diff but I would not want to be someone's rebound either, I know there is history in this case but I would tell him until his divorce is final I cannot see him out of respect for myself and his wife/soon to be ex....its simple to me
DC Man With a Plan

@ RonnieG...Read your update from TODAY, but who knows how you'll feel tomorrow? Maybe get a lil lonely, convince yourself he could still love you for real? Anyways, your decision sounds good on paper. Time will tell. Personally, I'm not sure what you were "ever" confused about. A married man, involved dude or any other man-- turning down some azz? WHAT a classic ploy to get a woman's sympathy; Get a woman feelin all mushy, and thinkin: he really must love me....yeah, Charlie Brown, kick the ball; Lucy really-really is gonna hold it THIS time! PLEEEZ!
N2Deep

It's good you chose to step out of the situation and told him to focus more on his wife. There are always too many problems when you are dealing with emotions.

The guy sounds like he never got over you but it sounds like you were not too sure your self. It sounds like you grew to realize he may have been a guy you could see yourself with but it was at a bad time.

When you don't have experience in relationships it makes it even harder to move on. You experienced it because you had issues with your ex while with this other guy. He probably never had a fair chance with you because of your "situation" or to get over you because you was his first.

In my experience I keep moving forward because sometimes the things we liked about a person gets overshadowed by the things we didn't know about a person. Just try to make sure you give your all in future relationships.
pintsize1

I totally agree with da Throne

I wouldnt even consider going out with dude..I wouldnt be able to trust him..If a man wanted to leave his wife, he would have done it awhile back, hes trying to play her like a damn fool..If I was married and found out my man was looking for his wife, there will have to be much talk, its a devastating situation to be in, especially when youre blind to the facts. Having a friendship with your ex can only be difficult, if one person still holds feelings towards the other, if the two have moved on and have a strictly platonic relationship that the other partners spouse knows about then it might happen. Thats might brew u another mess though.
bogart4017

If he's really into you he will straighten his situation out and come to you completely "legal". Its not as difficult as some folks make it out to be.
Nicki

In a nutshell: A married/involved man will NEVER leave his wife for the piece on the side! I'm with everyone else, unless there is a signed and filed divorce decree, run the other way. Please women out here, pls stop running into the oki doke.
DC Man With a Plan

lol...that was a cute way to sling those arrows right back at me, RonnieG. I would say neva...but what had happened was.....I let her COME back...if only for a minute... bur 4real, stay strong, Lady. There is one just for you..and you deserve that.
Sugar Nichols

Ok I'm about to tell on myself: All of my exs got married after dating me. I mean the very next relationship! Anyway, all of them contact me for either emotional support, general conversation or sexual needs. Now those seeking sex, I do not entertain...plain and simple. Those who come back for other means, unless I have had a casual conversation with their wives, I try to keep that contact limited.

I also have been involved with a married man. I did not find out he was married until I miscarried our child and one of the nurses on the hall was his wife. She wasn't disrespectful to me and knew all about me. He's work required him to travel for like 2 weeks at a time. Regardless when I was better, I confronted him and he simply walked out and I've never heard from him again.
DC Man With a Plan

Damn sugar (I couldn't resist)..Is it like that? You must be one helluva first time hit--bcuz after being with you.....men wanna get tied down for good. What's THAT about? It's enuff to make a grown "A" woman wonder out loud...Could it be somethin about ....ME? But let me say right off the dribble: I'm willin to give ya a TRY!....lmao
That Guy

Great advice NWSO...

I've actually been in a similiar situation, so I can relate to the author. When you have something special with someone, especially if it occured prior to your current situation, its kinda niave to think those feelings just disappear. Let life progress and priorities and factors can cause a relationship to take a secondary priority. Couple that with many people are getting married for a bunch of other reasons rather than love/compatibility, its quite possible dude married his current wife for reasons other than love as well., and now that he's found his "heart" he wants that back. Yeah there's complications, but you can lie to your heart for only so long. Now do I think she should engage dude, NO by anymeans while he's married... I'm just saying its quite possible the feelings are real on both sides, but b4 she proceeds, he's got to close out his current situation. If he wants her bad enough, this shouldn't be an issue for him. If he walks, I dont see anything wrong... It's human to admit you didnt get something right the first time.

It's also good for the current wife too for dude to be with the one he loves, because who wants to be married to someone who is in love with someone else... yeah it sucks/hurts to be that person, but that's the realities of life & love..
http://blackgirlunscipted.wordpress.com Anike Love

@Ronnie6, you made the smart move. You're so much better than that.

Karma is a B, and the last thing I would want is to get involved knowingly with a man whose married, or even dating another woman for that matter. I believe that you reap what you sow, so getting down with a married man is like setting yourself up to have a cursed love life. Starting off a relationship scandalous is never a good thing! Just my pe@ce!
Rastaman

This would have been great advice except for one major oversight on your part: "..so I propositioned him but he said no. He told me he wouldn’t want to be with me until it’s right (i.e. he’s separated/divorced)."

Now "ole boy" as you stated is not the most noble of individuals and probably not a great candidate for any real understanding. After all a married man looking to get some on the side is very much a cliche. But to be fair life is messy and although TV, books and movies present so many intimate relationships in a nice clean package..everyone lives happily ever after..its never like that for real.

I approach this as a man who has faced a similiar dilemma. I was never married but I was involved in a relationship and happened to connect back with someone with whom I had had a very deep relationship. The old GF just wanted something not too serious had she was recovering from a bad break up and the new GF was somewhat long distance. It was a difficult time for me because I had to balance what my heart wanted with my desire to be happy.

I believe I took the easy way out, I chose neither woman. I think I understand some of what is occuring with the man. But I am also certain that if I was faced with the decision at a younger age I may have done what he is doing. Trying to hold on to both women in some way, hoping the decision he seeks his made for him.

When you are young and deal with matters of the heart, you tend to approach them as if they are life and death issues and not with a view that no matter what happens tomorrow will still happen.

The only thing I can say to her is do what you believe you can live with....the decision you make is one you have to be able to have pride in, one you can tell your family and friends about without even a second thought. Because at the end of the day whatever happens between you and this man, you should be able to live with and be proud of your decision.
BangShang

Damm did dude invent sex or something! why be someone side piece knowingly? she probably believes in santa claus if she think dude is going to leave his wife for her..... you miss one dyck catch another dyck.....
http://thatbitchstolemyline.com b.collins

unfortunately marriage doesn't really mean much to some, so I'm rarely shocked by married men cheating or seeking something or someone outside their vows. A guy I was with off an on forever through college and after, got married a few months ago. He still calls, still texts, and not to just say hey. I never return the calls. Marriage obviously means nothing to him, but it means something to me.
NicoleJvon

I think she knows better and she needs to think better. That's what's wrong with women today, they are willing to accept less than they deserve. People act as if love is a competition but it isn't. They feel as though they've won when they take someone mate but they haven't. If she isn't going to have respect for the wifes feeling and the wife life, she should at least have respect for her own. She sounds desperate. He looked for her on the net and she just went for it. She sounds like she has possibly reached a lonely time in her life and needs some kind of comfort from a man. She needs to move on and wait until her ships sails in and leave him be.
hellifiknow

I love people on blogs. Maybe folks on NWSO just have a higher moral character that the rest of the world...but in real life, there are so many grey areas. I'm friends with a few former lovers and I think if I was interested I could sleep with any of them. The ones I'm closest to as friends have all expressed certain disappointments with their relationships and all of them have cheated. All of them are the so-called "good" dudes, families, pastors and the whole nine. These are not some skank dudes with multiple baby mamas - just brothers trying to figure it out. You might disagree, but I'm classifiying them that way to say just how common it is for men to cheat.
I am sleeping with yet another ex (the rest no longer live in my city). He is married, but separated or so he says. I can't go into the specifics as I don't know who reads this, but I can say this - we both have our issues and our reasons. It is close to ending and I can't say I advocate the behavior on either side, but it is what it is and it happens. Please spare me the homewrecker outrage, I can tell you for sure that whatever is going on in his marriage, I had nothing to do with it. But I can give a word to the wise - people are complicated, life, emotions and relationships are messy and sometimes you make choices that turn out bad. I can only say that if you have a great relationship and you've been able to maiintain it, you are blessed. I judge no one.
The_Other _Woman

From someone who has been there and done that, listen to what I tell u....

Whatever decision you make you will have to live with it!!!!

When and if he ever gets that divorce and if there are kids in the situation that love their "daddy" and now want nothing to do wit him because he left their mommy or the kids come around but treat u with no respect at all because "your not my mommy"... can u deal with that???

I'm not saying these things to push you away from the idea but to open your eyes to what you could possibly be putting yourself into. At the end of the day we all have to live with the choices we make.

Now with all I said, me personally I don't believe in marriage. I do what I do because I want to. I've been involved and living with a married man for the past 2 and a half yrs and I have no desire for him to get a divorce....
Tiffany

First off I would like to say that I agree 100%. Even if you aren't wanting to ever get married, the affect that you could potentially have on someone else and their family is enough to say run! Boys are Boys (you cna hardly call them men, if they can't "man" up and just tell their wife something is wrong or that they want to leave) and they feel like they are missing out on something or looking for fulfilment in someone else and honestly they will never be satisfied. i truly beleive that cheaters are the types that are never satisified and so no matter who they are with, until they fulfill what they are missing inside of them they will NEVER be faithful. Why risk your happiness and future on someone that you will never please?

I say bounce! Great advice NWSO.
http://primarythoughts.net Melanie Richardson

It doesn't sound like he's over her with the info given, even if the professed love sounds like that of a 4th grader "...but I've loved you longer". Please. Just because an offer is put out on the table, doesn't mean she should accept - Anyway, it takes time to recover after a relationship has ended. I've heard 6 months for every year to fully get a healthy perspective of what took place. And... that's only accomplished when you are putting in the effort to figure out what hand you played in the relationships downfall. Sounds like ol' boy wants to run from one woman to another and ignore/blame/move on a lil' too quickly for any "next" relationship to really work.
Ronnie6

@DC Man With a Plan
True when it comes to things of the heart it is often easy to fall back into situations that we might otherwise avoid....however this email was from some time ago and I'm still holding strong. Thanks for the support Oh and I'm sure you never said I'm gone and found yourself right back where you started.
Shaquetta

Don't think about it just run! Leave him alone! If he doesn't respect the union he currently has he isn't going to respect yours.
Missy

Yeah u don't want to judge and married people should be off limits and all. Whatever. I would say u want the best situation for u and ur sanity. I can't be with a man that is tied to another lady. I would feel less than. If it was all that, he should've checked up on u b4 settling (maybe) for another love. Take care of u first, but realistically. Don't lie to urself as if u not thinkin bout his wife or if he's going to do u like he did her. Be honest with urself. U know if what he's saying his legit. I doubt it. I think every x I've had has come back for "old time sake", married or otherwise. Men don't have to get everything they want. Yeah, whatever is wrong in that marriage isn't ur fault but that doesn't mean join the party.
http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ AuthenticQueen

This is always sooo interesting to hear, especially because I've always believed the whole "If you dont stand for something, you'll fall for anything".... quote people love to repeat..I've always been the person feeling like I've had to take the higher road in situations similar to this and promote the whole "married people off limits" rule to my wayward friends. So in short, I do NOT believe in sleeping/seeing/cheating with a married man/woman. At the same token, there have been instances when I have ignored my friends engagement in situations like this or kept it moving because I and/or better understood the "forbidden" relationship or I just trusted/loved one of my friends to the point that I let them slide. So honestly, I really do not feel like I can speak ill of this kind of behavior granted I have been an enabler. I haven't done it but yeah....
lola289

ummm..honestly I can understand how you may feel. You try to get away but he still is looking for you... u get mad he found you but wet at the same time.. Yea Ive been there. Look you gotta stop communication w/ him. PERIOD! He's not the same guy as b4 and you have to grow past him... in end you're an adult and this is a test...don't get labeled...
Miss Jenkins

"The person you fell in love with X amount of years ago isn’t the same person you’re communicating with today and vice versa. You’ve both experience things that have changed you (even slightly) so the relationship is bound to be different in 2010 than it was before. The problem is, y’all are in love with the past and have no idea what the present is."

This is a great point. It'd be interesting to know if her confusion would be different or even exist at all if a married man she never knew was trying to pursue. I don't think getting with his man, regardless of their past or current emotions would result in anything positive for her. She would be opening herself up to too many issues. Let him work out his issues elsewhere.
http://www.youngbrothas.com YB

He/She became your "ex" for a reason.
The Duchess

The Other Woman & all of the other women who condone sleeping w/ a married or involved man-

Raise your standards ladies! Not EVERY man cheats. Only men with low self esteem & maybe cause you lack self esteem is why you are drawn to those type of men. Look @ yourselves.. Stop copping out saying that you don't want to get married blah blah blah.. What does not wanting to get married have to do with you sleeping with a married man? NOTHING.. Wisen up ladies! There are PLENTY of men out here that value themselves enough to not cheat on their spouse or girlfriend.
Queen k

i totally agree @ duchess! we ladies to raise our standards! lyk my granny used to say a monkey will never stop climbing a tree. so once a dog always a dog
Shenice85

I'm new to this site, and I enjoyed reading this post. I couldn't agree more with NWSO's response. To be honest I don't believe they are madly in love, it seems more of Lust than anything else. She couldn't have loved him enough if she cheated back then, and now he's trying to step out on his wife. If they were to hook up I think the relationship would be really short.

Like the saying goes, "What God has for me, is for ME"...and if u try to take something that doesn't belong to u, u won't keep it for long. I've made mistakes, but I never wanted another woman's man bcuz I am confident that I can get my own. Besides I want the man that was made for me.

& As for the question "Are you mad at the other woman or the man that strays?" My answer is BOTH, esp. if the other woman already knows about u. Take responsibility.
Genay

If he truly love's you the way he say the he would do the right thing and file for a divorce and then pursue a relationship with you. if you fall for his trap then you would be giving him right what he wants which is best of both world by sleeping with you and stilll married and he probly don't plan on leaving his wife he just telling you all the right things to get what he wants out of you
shor5ty1

Don't do it.
Missy

Don't do it. Karma's a b....
Tejan

I only would if the husband was truly abusive and it was in her and her children's best interest to leave anyway, whether or not she was with me in the end.