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Do You Keep Relationship Mementos? (Metal Memories)

Posted by NWSO • February 25, 2010 • Printer-friendly

"I don't wanna get tucked away in your little metal box and forgotten," My ex, circa 2001

Let's backtrack a little…

I have this little metal box that holds a lot of my memories. Not sure whom I got it from or when I got it, but I received a few years back as part of a promo package at my old job. Despite forgetting what came in it, I liked this shiny metal box so much that I brought it home in hopes of finding a use for it.

Eventually I did.

I'm a bit of a packrat when it comes to mementos and keepsakes. Ever since my first girlfriend in high school, I always kept things that I thought were important to the history of a relationship in a special place. Be it a note she scribbled on a scrap of paper that read, "Clean your locker you filthy pig" to the ticket stub from our first date. If it had some sort of emotional value to me it went into this brown paper bag that I kept in my room.

As time went on the bag began to get filled with cards, notes, letters, pictures and even a Styrofoam plate from this girl who wrote a poem for me on the back of it. Needless to say, the brown paper bag began to swell and I needed a new place to store my memories. This large metal box seemed like the perfect new resting place for my memories.

The funny thing about memories, though, they only last as long as you remember them. Despite starting many moons ago in high school, I still have those numerous keepsakes tucked away in that shiny metal box.

While I know of its existence, I realize that I rarely unearth that box from its resting place to reminisce on the past. So when my ex announced to me that she didn't want to get tucked away in my little metal box and forgotten she had a very valid point. While I'll never forget anyone that I've built an intimate bond with, the fact is a lot of memories are in that box and I very rarely revisit them.

So, what's the point?

Why have this little metal box full of little metal memories that collects dust in my apartment? Why not just sift through it and toss out the unnecessary?

Simply put, I can't—not yet at least.

Those keepsake and mementos are scraps of my life.

That "clean your locker" note is a memory of my first love and how we used to share lockers and leave each other little messages.

That same random scrap of paper reminds me of the Valentine's Day where I put roses in my high school sweetheart’s locker after every period so each time she went to get her books for class, more and more roses would fall out. It also reminds me of how she ruined the surprise by going to my locker to find out how many more roses I had on stash.

The paper plate poem reminds me of a dear friend that I've lost complete contact with.

The lipstick stained and tear soaked letter at the bottom of the box reminds me of when my high school sweetheart went away to Canada for a week and I gave her a 60-minute cassette tape of me just talking to her so she wouldn't miss the sound of my voice. (This was before everyone had a cell phone and we definitely couldn’t afford to call each other long distance on an allowance).

The semi-nude pics of my stripper friend remind me of how young and naive I was when I first went to Miami (nothing ever happened).

There's just so much of who I am that exists in that little metal box that my ex didn’t want to get tucked away in and forgotten. I’m sorry that she felt that way, but neither her nor anyone else should worry of being erased from consciousness because although I don’t revisit them often, my metal memories last a lifetime.

Are you sentimental and save keepsakes from past relationships? What’s the most emotionally valuable item you have? Do you think it’s healthy to hold on to keepsakes from past relationships? Would you force your husband/wife to toss out their scrap book of exes once you got married? Would the same apply to someone you were just dating? If you do hold on to keepsakes, do you eventually toss them out when the relationship is over? How hard is it for you? Do you have something comparable to my little metal box where you keep mementos? What’s your fondest memory of an ex?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: breakup, card, keepsakes, lovers, mementos, memories, poem, Valentine's Day

http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com Spinster

For the most part, I believe in getting rid of stuff like that. It helps to begin or continue the process of moving on. With that being said, I have a picture and a card from my last relationship but I haven't looked at either in a very long time. We're cool so there was no real reason for me to get rid of it; I actually forgot that the card and picture were still here (buried under some books) until I saw this blog title.

Besides that, naw... throw that shit out; that's how it works for me. *shrugs*
msde

I keep stuff from past relationships... things that were given to me or even poems that I wrote at that period of time (if I’m writing a poem(s) about you I’m really feeling you.) just the other day I was cleaning my room and a came across my memory stash, I read a letter form this guy I got back when I was a freshman in high school, I could still smell the cologne he sprayed on the paper lol. (we were freshmen!) It brought back the instant memory of how over dramatic we were. lol I think the most sentimental thing I have was a poem I wrote about a friend who passed away…I had such strong feelings for him, and I never got to tell him. I had written the poem right after I received the news of his death… it’s so emotional and raw. It makes me cry every time I read...and it brings all those great memories of us chillin and having fun. I think keeping things of that nature is ok as long as you not in a conner somewhere obsessing over the past.
MissMe83

Hmmm yeah I'm a huge packrat! I usually keep pictures, or movie tickets from when we went to see the wrong movie, the vase from the flowers one of my exes sent me, an old t-shirt...etc It's not healthy...well atleast not for me. But I do it anyway. It reminds me of a time when I was happy. But there have been times when I remember how happy I was, but forgot why the relationship ended, then I call old dude...and I shouldn't have...lol I think once I get married I would have my husband throw out is momento box. I would do the same for him. If we're just dating..umm nope, cuz I wouldn't do it for some dude I'm just dating...who knows, his momentos may be added next!

I have a big brown box...big cardboard box that when I moved I just so happened to put all of my past relationship keepsakes in. And now it's become the box of relationships failed...lol
sj

I also keep mementos from past relationships as a reminder of the way the person felt about me and that I am hopefully able to find someone who made me feel that way...at the end of the day it was a gift and although I may not harbor for that person I can reminisce. Beside most of the gifts a guy gave me I can pass it on to my daughter...as long as you aren't dwellin on the relationship by goin through the box evryday I don't see a problem.
God’s Gift to the Planet

I miss Tron
lola289

Wow NWSO I wanted to disagree w/ the idea of keeping mementos....but yea I got some stuff.
Gotta remember the good and the bad... :-/
God’s Gift to the Planet

My fondest memories come from the poems that detailed my past realationship.

I have poems about:

- When we first met
- Our first sexual encounter (yes, it was that great he had to write a poem about it )
- Our long distance relationship
- When I broke his heart
- When he broke my heart

The poems are the only thing that I have kept from any past relationship. Those words mean more to me than any other keepsake. Sometimes I read them and they remind me of what it once felt like to be in love.

Would you force your husband/wife to toss out their scrap book of exes once you got married?

Humm...force is such a harsh word; maybe suggest.

Why would my husband want to keep memories from his past relationships? Is that right?
BMW2K

I am somewhat sentimental, but for the most part I only kept things like jewelry and clothes from past relationships. If the relationship went well, then hopefully I kept the person as a friend. If it sucked, then I didn't need the reminders.

I will say though, that for some reason I kept everything my husband gave me from day 1 - from the thank you card for the first date the VDay cards he gave me VDay of this year. Its a lot of stuff, and I tend to go through them when I want to strangle him. So far it has kept me outa jail.
BangShang

I have kept things like jewerly and clothes... but i would not ask anyone to throw out mementos.
Elle

Are you sentimental and save keepsakes from past relationships?
- I have keepsakes such as cards, photos, movie tix, plane tix, items which remind me of a certain day/date, gifts like my iPod or my customized sneakers and of course my engagement ring. While I never look at them, I can't get myself to get rid of them because while I of course have the memories in my heart and mind, reminiscing gets a whole different quality (read: more detailed) when you actually have something tangible to look at and remind you of what love is like. Just like sj said it: "...as a reminder of the way the person felt about me and that I am hopefully able to find someone who made me feel that way."

What’s the most emotionally valuable item you have?
- My engagement ring.

Do you think it’s healthy to hold on to keepsakes from past relationships?
- Unless it keeps you from moving on I don't see what harm it would do.

Would you force your husband/wife to toss out their scrap book of exes once you got married?
- I want to say no but when I am being completely honest I do not know for sure.
Again, as long as he doesn't feel the need to constantly look at his keepsakes every other week or month what harm would it do if he kept it. It is part of his past.
So is my box/bag of memories. The past relationships shaped me into who I am today and without them or the lessons I learned from them he probably would have to deal with a different person.
I guess we either both keep them or both toss them.

If you do hold on to keepsakes, do you eventually toss them out when the relationship is over?
- Nope. I have keepsakes from two relationships which were very important to me and to a degree still are. No need to artificially try to erase good memories just because the relationship ended.

Do you have something comparable to my little metal box where you keep mementos?
- I have a cardboard box for remains of my relationship with my L.A. ex and a huge giftbag full of mementos which remind me of my ex-fiancé.

What’s your fondest memory of an ex?
- Hm, I don't think I can pick one. Of course being spontaneously proposed to at Starbucks is probably No. 1. Outside of that I still can't choose though: when he flew across the ocean and had my best friend help him surprise me for my bday, the first hug which felt like it was out of mushy love movie, our little roadtrip from Munich over Frankfurt back to Berlin and stopping at a Vineyard along the way .... I could go on forever but I better stop before I start missing him too much.

Meh
http://nwso.net NWSO

@God's Gift to the Planet

**blank stare** at first comment

Why would a husband want to keep memories of his past relationships? Because it's part of who he is and helped make him into the man you fell in love with a ultimately married.

On the extreme of this question, a current beau/wife/husband could ask the other to toss out prom pics because a HS ex was in them. Would I? HELL NO. Those are my damn memories, who are you to erase my life.

To keep it 100, a lot of these blogs are mementos of my life journey, image my wife telling me to delete past posts?

HMMPH
rwifey

when theres no more left, i'm contemplating keeping the empty vaseline intensive care deep moisture creamy tube, cause he gave it to me, cause he cared about my severely dry skin, and i can't seem to find it anywhere else........*sad face*

i've never been on drugs, but if this is what detox feels like, geez!

giving space and not communicating was the worst idea EVER!
N2Deep

I keep my reminders in my mind so they are only a thought away.

I don't forget the best of or the worst of things but I always aim to make new memories especially with the person I'm with. Sometimes keeping momentos can be unfair to the new person your with because it can cause a competitive jealousy that can make them try too hard or give up too easily because they don't think they can fill that void.

I know it may sound crazy and sad but it's true. Even unsaid, sometimes we tend to try and outdo what someone else did in the past that placed them in your life's hall of fame.

My belief in making new memories helps drive me to do special things in order to give them an unforgettable experience, if it's unexpected gifts, massages, dinner, or something romantic. This helps keep me focused on loving the one I'm with and not the one that didn't last.

I understand keeping things that touched your heart or things from a loved one who passed but the only thing that can't be touched except by sickness or death is whats in your mind and heart.

In life and love we always must move forward seeking the power of it and hold on to what we HAVE not what we HAD! because there is a reason it's gone!!

To me holding on to a little is fine but too much really doesn't leave room for anything new. I use to keep a few things in a briefcase but I never really looked at the stuff, I just had it. My girl , who is still in full denial, wanted to see what I had and broke my latch by prying it open. The funny thing is the tumblers were on all zeroes, .hmmmm.........TaDa........which was the combination because I never set it but I could tell she tried to guess the numbers.LoL!!

I saw how it made her act to know that I was holding on to something about a person and that it could stop us from sharing certain things with each other because I was sharing the memories with another. I was mad because she broke my shit but it brought me a little understanding that people want to feel they have a chance to be what you need to be happy.
N2Deep

I forgot to say that as far as asking your S.O. to throw their things away; I could easily answer it but I want to give food for thought. I wouldn't ask mine to get rid of hers because I feel I can give her new memories not to replace the old but get closer to her heart. people we should give a BIG thank You to all the ex's because if they didn't do exactly what they did there would be no us!! Especially if you are with someone that is good to and for you.

so in conclusion, I would like to thank all the lying,...... cheating,........... lazy,...... no good ass MoFos in my ladies past that allowed ME the opportunity to be with her and to let you know I too cherish the mementos because they led me on the right path to reach her heart!!

The Message: USE IT
DC Man With a Plan

Hmm. To each his own, dude. Memories are mental and can NEVER be taken away, but what you have described are physical landmarks to prompt you to recall your memories--that's a whole other thing to me. I do not horde mementos and other paraphernalia unless they have a purpose or go with something. I wouldn't throw out an Ipod or gift that has usefulness and I do not purposely destroy pictures and things but you won't find a pic of my "EX" sitting on my night stand, either. I'm not going to be jealous of MY woman's past--I'm too mature for that, but you can't be MY woman and have some memento from a past relationship you continually look at and reminisce about. IF you want to live in the past and continually re-process what could have been--you're not ready for a relationship. And there are ppl who do that and are like that. And there are ppl who stay stuck in the past. And there are ppl who TRY to move on (rebound relationship) but don't or can't.......IMO, THAT's when you have a problem. Keep it all in the box and leave the mofo alone...... and WE'RE cool! But if you have an "anniversary" date for the box and you pull out shyt on THAT day....smdh...U need to be ALONE...just you and your box!
da ThRONe

I am Mr. Momento. I have a "That Bitch Box". Just full of stuff from a better time. Although I may look through it twice since we broke up Im not ashamed of it. As of now she is the most influential S.O. to date.

I agree with N2Deep. I dont regret anything that my future wife does that gets her to me prepared to be my wife. So I can listen to her talk say anything about anything.

If its important to her then its important to me.
Tasha

WOW I love this blog i though only women did stuff like this!!
I am really into the keeping things. Anything that means something to me good or bad I like to keep so that I can go back and look at it and think about those times. Now once I get married I think I would start a new box with just things from my new life and get rid of all the things I have now
http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

like you i keep random things from relationships past. don't know why i do but i just do. i still have a couple things from high school in fact. *shrug* i hardly ever look through them unless i'm looking for something else and i happen to remember that they are where they are.

to me it's more about memories of the person i was once was. i have a great memory and even though i'm not with said girlfriends anymore it's nice to occasionally remember the good times.
skye

I'm such a hoarder i hardly ever throw anything anyway. I still have my diary from 1995, and another 1 I haven't written in a few years. I can't bear to read it, reminds of me of too many memroies I don't want to revisit right now- but i have no intentions of ever throwing it away. Y would i? That's my life, my memories.

So no, I wouldn't force anyone to throw away any old love letters, or momento's, diaries- whatever. It's theirs and nothing to do with me.
Rastaman

In the words of the old pop song:
"Memories don't leave like people do
They always stay with you
whether they've been good or bad
they are something that you had"

There is something to be said for memorabilia, we value them because they represent a connection with something important in our past. Many of us keep all kinds of memorabilia around, past jobs, past residences or even people who have passed. I don't believe those things intrinsically represent a threat to your present but is part and parcel of who you are at the moment.

I am one of those people whose minds is a depository of long lost memories. I remember more "useless" information than most people I know. I am a trivia king and so my memory is not selective and neither are my mementos. For all intents and purposes I try never to forget and my mementos of past relationships, photos, cards, gifts and other things are my relationships' totem pole.

Are there people who I may then meet who may be bothered by my keepsakes, no doubt. But they are probably not for me. Feeling insecure or being jealous of memories are a relationship non-starter in my book. I am not saying you are not entitled to your feelings but I also do not have to entertain them.

Now i understand if someone gets married or is living with another person and keeps pictures of their ex in full view. That is just poor taste, but locking them away in a keepsake box, I don't see that as an issue. Just like there are some secrets you will never share with your SO, there are some memories that are just for you.

I am not big on full disclosure in relationships. If it doesn't not concern the new person or will not affect them in any way then frankly they should not have to know. The problems we often run into is that we are really enamoured by someone and we feel we need to expose every damn thing about ourselves. My exes would never have been able to comment about my keepsakes because I probably would never have mentioned it to them.

I don't have a problem being loyal or committing to a woman but she damn well won't own me, mind body or soul. I don't intent to own anyone's mind body or soul either. If we learn to respect others and treat them accordingly we should not have to worry about their memories of people in the past. Afterall those memories have helped to form this person whom you are so attracted to, swap bodily fluids with and may hope to spend the rest of your life with.

Not the most romantic take on this question but I try to keep it real with those in my life.
Soulyn

Great post. Thought I was the most sentimental person around...I keep almost everything. My ex was once in the Army, so we communicated by writing letters. I have letters from him when he was stationed in Iraq, Afghan, Oklahoma etc. I don't know if I will ever discard them. My most recent ex bought me a bottle of Moet. Its sitting on top of my fridge, along with the other alcoholic beverages. Will I ever open it? eehhhh not sure. Whenever I remember its up there and glance at it, I get flashbacks of the day he bought it and what once was.

I have a storage box in a closet. At the very bottom of the box is where all my memorabilia is kept. Mabye once a year I'd actually dig so deep in the box that I remember all the stuff that's kept at the bottom.
Jessica J

I was in the car with my bf and I was lookin through stuff lik a woman does an I found a picture of some girl stashed away in his bible. I asked him on it an he said to be honest, he didn't use that bible anymore and never saw a reason to open it since it's not the one he reads out of. Therefore he forgot his ex's picture was in it. I didn't say anything but I thnk he could tell by my vibe that it made me uncomfortable. He rolled down the window, threw he picture out, rolled it back up an grabbed my hand and said I really don't care about any girl before you. I said all this to say when your truly over something that your done with, you more than likely will throw it out the window.
Othaniel Cruickshank

I keep journals which I don't write in everyday but when something significant happens or if i get an urge to draw. I've done this since I was 13. The journals have recorded my most signifcant and defining relationships moments. I tend to chose journals with pockets in the back where I keep old tram tickets, boarding pass stubs, letters, and one picture of my current boyfriend that accurately represents him in my eyes. I've never met a man whose asked me to get rid of these items because they didn't know it exsisted. i wouldn't anyway nor would I ask anyone to get rid of their stash.....
~C.

I keep little things until I can't remember why I still have them...so occassionally things get tossed. I HAD a 3 foot tall wooden crate that held everything from my childhood in it...I've whittled it down to a small plastic storage bin....those are from my childhood....I can't give them up.
I HAD a box of memories from my 8 year marriage...but I threw those out last year along with pictures of us...except a few I gave to our daughter. She now has them in her own little shoe box of memories...

I have to keep things and I write a lot of things down... I've got about 5 or 6 diaries. My first one was from 2nd grade. And I know why I keep everything....it's to help me remember, because I forget a lot. It drives me crazy but the mementos and diaries keep my thoughts in order for me...

I love the memories I hold on to...stashed away or written down...when I go back and look at them, I'm taken back in time. Sometimes it's just fun to reminisce on the past and then say to yourself "Thank the Lord I'm not that dumb anymore!"
Starita34

@ N2Deep - "people want to feel they have a chance to be what you need to be happy"

Now that's saying something right there...deep for real....
Its Me!!!

i have a place where i keep past memories, letters poems, scribbles, etc. but i feel like once i get married there's no reason to hold on to the past because there's so much future ahead that its time to get rid of the old and make new memories. So when i get married all the old memories will get thrown out! if my bf were to say to me right now, i think you should throw out the pics and stuff i would without question. Plus i kinda made him throw out a pic of his ex already! lol!
Potato w/ Jive

To the question of do you keep it or not. Lets say i do. The NEW question i pose is...

Is it better to keep those items to yourself to avoid offending your current mate?
-OR-
Would it be better to be open with it, possibly look at it together, so as to prove that there is nothing to hide and that it is in the past?
Shequita

If the momentos are in a box or bin not a 8 x 10 photo of the ex on the living room wall. I think its silly to ask of someone to throw it away. i DONT KEEP THAT MESS LOL, alot of my past doesnt need to be remembered lol.;...but just because thats not my thing doesnt mean it isnt there's! Actually I just realized that I have not even thought about throwing out pics of me and my estranged hubby.....................................................ok well I guess everything I just said was a damn lie!!!
God’s Gift to the Planet

@NWSO

I do see your point. However, I have never been a pack rat type of person, so I always throw things away. To be honest, the only reason I still have the poems is because they are neatly tucked away on my laptop. If they were actually tangible, I would have probably shredded them after we broke up like I did all of the pictures.

Don't blank stare me, Tron makes things interesting!
Chanel

Nope. I've NEVER kept mementos or anything like that. I don't go throwing everything in the trash, but I don't keep much, either. I prefer to simply move on.
The Me Tree

A deeply remembered past can be a daunting thing to a new relationship, espeically if there are physical keepsakes and momentos. I feel Ans about NWSO and the prospect of a woman asking him to erase past posts because they were about someone else (even indirectly). I'm also like whoever that was (no more names of people I don't know...) that has notebooks to chronicle life and relationships--since I was about 13, too. Mine are songs not drawings and I have always had the bad habit of putting names (see, it's a problem beyond blogging) on the page so I know years later "on this date, this person did this thing that made me feel this way". I've had people get jealous over these books (which are prominently displayed next to my piano) because I allow anyone to read whatever they like out of them--and will usually even play the song you pick out of the book, if i still can (or ever could--i don't play piano that well).

But each time my songbooks were an issue, the issue was her own creation, born of Insecurity and Crazy (this next is a combinaton of several incidents):
Q: "How come you still write songs about _______; the first one was in 1997! Do you still see her? Do you still LOVE HER?!!!"
A: "No but she makes for a good story because I really loved her when I was in college. Last time I saw her was 10 years ago and I found out on Facebook she just got married to someone else. You may relax. It's just a song."
Q: "Well, how come you wrote so many songs about ________ in April 2004 but ony 3 about me in the last 6 months?"
A: "Because she was out of the country and I wrote her some poems and songs to give her when she got back. She came back with a girlfriend; there's a reason I didn't write any in May 2004. RELAX."
Q: "But baby, if you still SING these songs, you still THINK about the girls you wrote them for! How is that supposed to make ME feel?"
A: "..."
Q: "Will you write me a song? That will make me feel better."

and so on...the crazy part is the most jealousy i have ever encountered because of those books has been from other singer/songwriters. that's why I date actresses and painters (and occasionally lawyers) now. singers are f'n crazy!

I'm a pack rat too so i also have photos of almost every ex (most are my FB friends now but some got fat and i prefer the 22yo version in my pictures and memory) and movie ticket stubs (and one styrofoam plate with a poem on the back) in a shoebox in the back of a drawer inside my closet. bet no woman of mine will ever stumble upon that joint because that's just asking for trouble.
Teezie

Once again great topic. As I was cleaning up yesterday I came upon one of those keepsake mementos. I thought about tossing it for one second. Before I put it back in the drawer! LOL I never thought of putting them all in one place. Mine are scattered about so I bump into them every now and then. I think it is healthy to hold on to them. I would never make my man throw out his scrapbook or memento's of exes. (I still have mine!)

My fondest memento unfortunately is just some cologne from an ex who passed away. It reminds me of him everytime I smell it. I still have the same bottle unfortunately I gave the rest of his stuff to his mother after he passed.
karmagini

Are you sentimental and save keepsakes from past relationships?
Not to where I keep things from PAST relationships.

What’s the most emotionally valuable item you have?
I dunno. Anything I do keep has its value & one's not more valuable than another.

Do you think it’s healthy to hold on to keepsakes from past relationships?
More important is WHAT you're holding onto & moreso what your INTENTIONS are with those things. (i.e., nude pics of exes)

Would you force your husband/wife to toss out their scrap book of exes once you got married?
I wouldn't care if they kept those things, even though I don't see the point. Again though, why is he holding onto them & what's he doing with them? What's more important is how he values me & the relationship.

Would the same apply to someone you were just dating?
Same as above. It's just not that serious to me... and if they're holding onto things, say, because they're still attached or in love with the ex, that's what should be addressed.

If you do hold on to keepsakes, do you eventually toss them out when the relationship is over?
Yup. It's pretty cathartic too. I did this recently with stuff from my ex I'd held onto for no particular reason except laziness.

How hard is it for you?
It wasn't hard at all.

Do you have something comparable to my little metal box where you keep mementos?
Nope.

What’s your fondest memory of an ex?
Tough call...
karmagini

In asking how we feel ourselves about this, I think it's important to also ask how would you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Oftentimes this reveals some insight too.

So how would you feel if your mate wanted you to get rid of those mementos? Or what if he/she pressed you to see them? Attempted to or successfully got into that box of things?
Shaquetta

I don't like to throw away pictures. I don't ever look at them but if I come across them while cleaning I may take a glance and THANK GOD I MADE IT OUT!
QuoteMan

My twice upon a time ex GF still has some items from our past, every once in a while she will call & go "guess what I found?.... Blah blah... Then with sarcasm I'll say "wow!! I am happy for you" with disdain she'll say "bye!! you are so corny". Lol (....pretending to be heroic, pride won't let me show it but deep inside a n**** so sick, I can't see it coming outta my eyes gotta make the song cry -SONG CRY by Hov) **foolish pride**

Still in all, we remain the best of friends. I am not a big fan of mementos, I have an holistic approach so my mental rolodex has served me quite well, thus far. When I feel nostalgic, those affluent memories will intrude my thoughts and can be called at will.

Must I admit, I've my models(projects) from college still at my mother house, those aren't going anywhere. I pride myself of those, it took me ample amount of sleepless nights to accomplished them.

As far as relationships go, I let the exes do it for me. Haa!!!

Will I let my wifey throw away her scrap book of exes? Can't call it, though, this ex of mine who had a surgery and was recovering at her mother's house. I paid her a visit since I couldn't make it to the hospital, she was wearing an old polo shirt of mine. Mind you she is married, I couldn't help but subconsciously asked myself if her hubby will be cool with this had he known who that belongs, I know I wouldn't. Knowing her I think she did that on purpose, can't front I was flattered though lol
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Jessica J

Nice story, but still think it's a different scenario. In that case I would have thrown out the pic too as where it was it could have easily been an old receipt in place of his ex's pic. Because he didn't even know it was there and never would have come across it if only by accident.

Now, if he had that picture in a specific spot as a true keepsake, he may have still thrown it out at your request because that's who he is, but in that scenario, I personally, would have had a different thought process on it.

That's no knock to what he did because that's dope and deserves kudos, but I'd personally have a different thought process on what to do.

just my 2 cents
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Potato w/Jive

Def a red flag if your boo can't look at stuff in front of you or tries to hide it purposely. But at same time if you're dealing with someone that's mad jealous there's no point in rubbing stuff in their face... keep that is locked up in a box away. lol
http://nwso.net NWSO

@karmagini

If the shoe were on the other foot I wouldn't ask my mate to do something that I myself wasn't willing to do, so no worries there. I got my mementos and you got yours, end of story. LOL

If they pressed me to see them? We can look at em together and I can tell you all the great stories behind everything, but why would anyone want to listen to all the old stories? Sounds like someone that's a glutton for punishment to me. HA!

Now if someone snuck and looked at my personal stuff that is a MAJOR violation. I always say that without trust you can't have love and if you violate my trust like that, I'd feel raped almost like I wouldn't go through a woman's diary that's her personal space. Even when you're with someone or married, you have a life together but you also have one of your own too
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@God's Gift

gotcha now. the wording just threw me off

@Da ThRONe

Cause it sounded "fishy" #I'mJustSaying
da ThRONe

@Ans

Hold the hell up!

Why the blank stare @GG? What people cant miss me?
http://nwso.net NWSO

@GB

I don't think it's always about the other person but about me. Mementos etc remind me of where I was in my life journey. Sometimes I walked that path with someone else but it still my memory of the chain of events. Like damn, that (random thing) my ex gave me reminds me of the time I did (random dumb thing) and makes me realize how far I've come since then. So it's not always just about the ex per say, IMHO
Classic Ruby

I wanna blend DC Man With a Plan and Potato w/ Jive's commentary into one: I think if you religiously check, or have some anniversary on which you check, your little memento box then there's an issue..time to start living in the present. And if you have the memento box and your mate requests to take a look at its contents, maybe hear a bit about these mementos that are so close to your heart and you feel that your mate would be invading into your own personal territory or bringing "sharing" too far, then again you have a problem.

Much like a photo album is a collection of memories of your life which you pull out on occasion to share with those you care about and love, I think a box of mementos from previous relationships should be something left on the shelf in plain sight and then pretty much forgotten. But if your SO says "hey whats that?" and expresses interest at seeing the contents I think you should be equally as open as showing them. And if you're not maybe the contents have an unhealthy amount of emotional importance.

I would never want someone to throw memories away for me, and I would never do it for anyone, even if I finally got married and my husband requested it (any man I marry wouldn't ever come to me like that because they would know me, who I am, and how I am and it wouldn't be an issue, but I'm just saying). I don't have a collection of mementos per se, but I'm a bit disorganized at best, also a bit of a whirlwind, so I have random little memories scattered throughout various boxes, drawers and notebooks. But I like knowing that little bits of my life, reminders of good memories, are around for me to find and reminisce or smile at.

And not for anything, but if my man could take a picture of an ex of his (especially one he had dated for a long time) and just throw it out a window on a whim, I would wonder how little I and anything I consider or considered significant between us would end up meaning to him in the future should we break up. And seriously, if my picture means so little to you you would rather any random dude on the street pic it up to jack off over it, can you please just return it to me rather than disrespecting me so? Thanks
GB

Get rid of all of it. That's what I've done. What's the point of holding on to a picture or poem or letter? To remind you when you loved someone? ... Well you're not in that relationship anymore and there's a reason for that. No need to look back. Keep it moving.
da ThRONe

@GB

Why take pictures or record anything at all right?

I would argue life is all about memories. Good and bad ones. Its what makes us. Time cant stay still but we have memories of it all. Most of what people talk about is stuff they "Did".
Luxe

I would never tell my husband to get rid of something but I'm sure that the loud "WTF?!?" that would fly out my mouth would say it all...
Incognito Diva

Are you sentimental and save keepsakes from past relationships? Absolutely not! I'm just not that kind of person and rather the movie reels called memories that run through my mind. I rather have those then things that can be damaged.

What’s the most emotionally valuable item you have? Jewelry, clothing, etc. from family members who past. I've accumulated quite a bit over the years and have worn things from my great grandmother's suit circa 1920's (still in excellent condition) to most recently the jewelry that belong to my grandmother. They all had impeccable taste, so I get to look good while feeling close to them.

Do you think it’s healthy to hold on to keepsakes from past relationships? Depends on the emotion behind it. I think a person should be able to let go of anything regardless of the attachment.

Would you force your husband/wife to toss out their scrap book of exes once you got married?
No....unless there was some kind of unhealthy obsession with it...but then that would be another problem.

Would the same apply to someone you were just dating? What claim would I have to that???

What’s your fondest memory of an ex? Trips, rain, quiet, laughter, shoes, strawberries and champagne...
ItsJustMe

i have letters, pictures, and poems dating back to when i was in middle school. all the things that helped me find my way. esp with my poems. so much of my talent has developed over time from the things i would write to my friends and how they responded. i can even see my mindset has change. will i eventually get rid of them? probably not. they show my growth. and i like to see how far ive come. still got a ways to go though. lol.
Allhis4ever

I was asked by someone I was seeing, to get rid of pics and mementos from past relationships.We were just starting out. Well to say the least, I felt that there were trust issues. We didnt make it... I do keep gifts and pics. But, I look good in some of those shots. Why get rid of them?
http://nwso.net NWSO

@Jessica J

Honestly, I think regardless of a memento any bad memory would be in memory already. And not much I can do about that until I get senile. LOL

But offhand I can't think of any "bad" memento/keepsakes that I have. But really I don't go in my box like that, I'm more so tossing things in at random intervals but probably only time I've gone through was whenever I move and that doesn't happen often.
Jessica J

@NWSO last question, would you keep the memories from the bad stuff too? the bitter stuff? the i can't believe they did that to me stuff? pictures of smiles an hugs that cant even make sense to you because of how bad it got or ended? would you keep those? if you do, do you keep bad memories away from good memories? how does it go fo you?
AshleyS

I have a box on my bookshelf of good memories from my past relationship. we used to write each other little notes every once and a while and those are just things I'm not ready to let go of. My favorite and the one that still makes me tear up is a note of all the reasons he "loved" me. he wrote it 2 months after we started dating and it's probably the most amazing note I've ever got from anyone.... I try not to venture into the box all that much but anytime I reorganize my shelves I look inside and smile at all the great memories.
Sherell

I may keep cards and letters for awhie but eventually, they go. The only thing I have keep is a diamond bracelet from a deceased boyfriend, but who wouldn't! Lol
Amy Johnson

I wouldn't force someone to part with the memorabilia from their past. However, if I was really into him; I might think twice about being in a real relationship with that person. Not because of the stuff they keep but for them to let me know they have it or worse showing to me. That seems odd. We all need things in the rough parts of life to look at, smell, do to get us back on top of the world. Hope Everyone has a blessed Day.
Amy
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com Tiffany

I admit I keep that stuff in a leather box in the closet. I few dead roses, letters & notes and a few gifts that I have chosen to keep. Most of the pictures I took are still in tack but barely. I don't know why I am holding onto this stuff but there are some nice memories. I do still wear the heart that my 1st real boyfriend ever gave to me (only because I love sapphires) and I wear the ring too ( only because it reminds me of the one I lost). Maybe one day I will feel like throwing this stuff away or I'll just have a huge bonfire and burn it all.

Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/
Miss reality

I keep Journals. But I throw it away when I am done, all my journals that contains great poems I trash. Because it belong to a past muse that was no longer mine. I mean their memories will be sealed in my memory bank (brain) forever. But it shouldn't be kept, I think it's rude and disrespectful to keep, and seems to scream "I still want this person back". Even if it's in the past; it's like trying to fill someone shoes that is trying to make the one you're in love with see that you are utterly in awe with him; but him just nonchalantly give only a quarter of himself to you. Like you were at fault for something that happened to him in the past.

I say toss the damn thing, and once you let go, it's only when new memories can flourish and hopefully all the mementos along with that new person can be keep; because hopefully it's that one person that deserves worth because they want to do right by your side, and stayed by your side (meaning someone like your spouse hopefully the real love and puts real meaning in your life; and when you get Alzheimer's or some sort of dementia it's only her/him that you truly remember and not the past that is irrelevant to your present).
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http://nwso.net jasey

you really helped me and i cudnt agree more.i feel that if smething or someoneis worth remembering u shudnt need an object or photo to remind u of that person.sme ppl dnt knw how to let go they hav not come to the reality that the person is gone has moved on n is nt cming back.they keep these things in hope that the person my return.lol.then it will only make the new person in ur life jealous n it will cause problems.really is the pain of the present person u lov worth it.should u b thinkin of that person whiile with smeone else.these things will distract u.thats wat dwelling on the past does.he or she may start comparing u to the likes of that person n thats nt gud at all.