Welcome to the perverted mind of a man.
It all started a few days ago at the pool hall. I was in the midst of a game and waiting for my shot, when I noticed a woman a few rows over bent over the table. As I took in her obtuse behind, one thought crossed my mind: “She probably doesn’t look good naked.”
I know it sounds bad but I’m just being honest. Besides, I’m sure I’m not the only one to ever make an assessment about someone’s unclothed body based on outward appearances. Or maybe that’s a guy thing.
It’s no secret that men tend to undress women with their eyes at every given opportunity. I do it all day, every day during my travels. If an attractive young lady falls into my field of vision, I instinctually give her a once-over from head to toe and back again. In those fleeting seconds I can guesstimate her cup size, hypothesize about the firmness of her thighs, gauge whether or not she has a gut/pouch and tell if she’s got a Buffie the Body booty or is a SpongeBob SquarePants body double.
For the most part, determining if someone doesn’t look good naked with socks on is pretty easy—especially when it comes to women. Generally, ladies show more flesh and wear form-fitting clothes so all their curves and dimples are on display. Men on the other hand, tend to have a few layers to their wardrobe that leaves a little more to the imagination. But a pot belly/beer gut is obvious no matter what a man wears.
During my years of seeing female nudes, I’ve been pretty lucky in that I’ve come across more good surprises than bad ones. As much as you try to guess what a woman will look like naked you never really know until you get her clothes off. With that said, there have been a few times where I had no idea how fine a specimen I was dealing with. Some chicks are really up on their gym game and have the washboard stomachs or just have a few more curves than you would have expected.
On the flipside, there was this one girl back in the days that all the guys at the job thought was so hot. Then one day there was a group trip to Dorney Park and to our surprise, her body did not live up to the hype of her clothes. She wasn’t bad, but that booty that looked poppin’ in jeans was super jiggly in bikini bottoms and those thick thighs were built of cottage cheese. Cute girl and dudes would probably still hit it, but the semi-nude bathing suit reveal ruined the fantasy.
For the most part, though, we’re all human and not chiseled gods and goddesses. To keep it 100, I’m no Adonis myself so I don’t expect every woman to be a Venus sculpture either. I appreciate a few imperfections because I know I have them too. I don’t have a six-pack or that little chiseled cut thingy near my crotch like the old D’Angelo. I’m just an average guy with scrawny legs, a baby pouch that I have in check and broad shoulders.
At the end of the day, looks can be deceiving. The right three-piece suit can make a skinny man look like Barack, and the right color could make a heavyset sister look like Beyoncé. They’re both great to look at all dolled up but when they lights go out and the clothes come off that’s when the real fun begins.
Are you guilty of undressing people with your eyes? Do women do it just as much as men? Have you ever been “disappointed” by someone’s body when you saw then naked for the first time? Or were you ever surprised by what someone was working with under all those layers? Are you willing to overlook someone’s physical “flaws” if you were in love with them or were amazing lovers? What do you look like naked? Are you happy with what you see when you look in the mirror naked?
Speak your piece…